A/N: Please beware that the FinnickFox OStm is a primitive system, only meant to be run on severely degraded devices where nothing more advanced can be operated, to give a minimum of service.
Rabbit karma Chapter five.
Judy awoke slowly, and found herself in an achingly familiar position, wrapped in fox. Sometime during the night, they had changed position; she was now the little spoon to Nicks big spoon. Nicks long, fluffy tail ended up as the littlest spoon though; Judy had her arms wrapped securely around it, her nose buried in the tip.
Luxuriating in the feeling of her mates embrace, she closed her eyes as she breathed in deeply and cuddled in as close as possible. She had been afraid that she had pushed too far and too fast yesterday, especially with the kiss in the chapel. How tempted she had been, to make that a far deeper kiss. Luckily, she had come to her senses and made it little more than a firm peck. No point in scaring her poor fox at this stage, better to let him get used to her a bit more first. If he hadn´t been so tired when they got home he would never have accepted their current sleeping arrangements, that and he was always a sucker for a bet.
Deciding to enjoy her current situation a little longer before she got on with her plans for the day, she reached one paw up to caress and scratch her husband's ears, cheek, neck and whatever she could reach. It was still quite early and it was her day off; there was no great hurry.
The rumbling purr that she was rewarded with was unexpected but very welcome, her soulmate might have suffered a factory reset but it was still the same soul at his core.
She could have spent most of the day just like that, but unfortunately, her bladder was not that accommodating; she would have to escape her foxy prison and start her day soon. The fox purred a little louder and squeezed her a bit firmer. She grimaced a bit at that; very soon.
Fortunately, she had long experience in getting away from an overly grabby vulpine.
Grabbing her pillow, she gave it a good chinning, drenching it in her scent. Step one completed, she bit down on the pillow with her teeth, braced herself with her feet and one paw, and gave the fox an extra vigorous scratch just above his collarbone.
In response, the fox made a weird stuttering snarl/yip/purr and stretched out all his limbs for a moment before he relaxed back to his previous position. The rabbit took her chance to slide down and out of his grip, letting the pillow go just as the fox caught it in a firm embrace. His ears twitched in confusion for a moment at the unexpected consistency of his prey, but a few deep sniffs seemed to reaffirm that he had indeed caught his bunny. As his rumble started up again, the corners of his mouth crept up into a smile.
The bunny found his sleeping antics hilarious but had to keep her sniggers as quiet as possible as to not wake him. Knowing Nick, he would remain in dreamland for some time longer. She sat up on the bed and lovingly studied her cutely sleeping fox.
Then she scowled, a subsonic growl deep in her chest. There, on her fox, was a small black box on a collar around his neck, its only distinguishing feature a green light in one corner. Her blood boiled in fury; she wanted the blasted thing off of him!
Then she stopped herself abruptly as a thought came to her, she could make that happen, couldn´t she? As a sergeant, she had the lowest required rank an officer had to have to earn the right to remove a collar at their own discretion; all she needed was the necessary removal device, one of these blue polymer barcode-scanner looking things.
She stared dumbly at the contraption in her right paw that she had just described, blinking slowly.
'Wait, what?'
Quickly looking down at herself, she confirmed that, no, she was still only wearing one of Nicks green Pawaiian shirts; nothing that could have supplied her with any police issued equipment what-so-ever.
'You shall never lack the tools of your chosen trade, and they will be the finest! THIS IS MY BLESSING TO YOU.'
The memory of the voice-recording left to her hit like a sledgehammer; was it really possible? It just seemed a bit too convenient, but who was she to deny the words of a higher being? Still, a small test was in order.
Never letting go of the small device in her right paw for fear of losing it, she looked at her sleeping husband again and lowered her left paw to her hip. When she brought it up, she was holding a pair of fox-sized paw-cuffs. She smirked.
'Heh, naughty bunny.'
Not following through on any possible kinky possibilities, she lowered her paw back to her side, and it was suddenly empty again. Curious, she looked down and tried to reach for the cuffs; nothing happened. Scowling slightly, she closed her eyes and tried again. Immediately, her paw closed around familiar metal links.
'So, it only works if no-one sees it? A bit weird, but I can work with it. Hmm, I wonder... '
Releasing the cuffs, she reached into the shirt instead and pulled out a tranc-gun. Amazed, she put the gun away and reaches for her ears, this time coming back with a tazer in her paw.
Then, she reaches around for her tail, and she is suddenly holding a full-sized riot baton instead.
The fight to keep her laughter quiet enough not to wake up her bed mate is fierce but successful, even if only barely.
'An actual, bona fide ass pull! Hoo boy, Nick must have rubbed off on me way too much if all I can think about is how much fun I could have with this! '
Thinking of her fox brought her back to the business at paw and let her finally get herself under control. Dismissing all but the collar key, she sneaked up to the still slumbering vulpine and held it up to the collar.
*Bee-beep*
The ease with which the thing came loose seemed somehow anticlimactic, but she nevertheless carefully removed it the rest of the way and spent a few minutes gently combing her fingers through the worn fur were the collar had been. Her fox changed his rumble to a deeper, more satisfied timber.
Apropos sleeping foxes, Judy used her incredible hearing to confirm a suspicion; yep, she could hear two other low snores in the otherwise silent house. She was the only one yet awake.
Wanting to make a good first impression on her housemates, she decided that a homemade breakfast would be a terrific start.
Right after she had made a pit-stop in the bathroom.
-RK-
Twenty minutes later, after a short bathroom break and having deposited Nick's collar by the front door, she had prepared a rather nice breakfast with a good assortment of food. She was happy to note that the house had solid floors, so even with all the running around she had done, her soft feet made hardly any noise at all. All the better for her to be a good house mate.
(Never mind that finding an unknown mammal walking around in your house, wearing nothing but your friend's green shirt could possibly be hard to stomach.)
Not that she was concerned about Finnick, unless he was vastly different to the little fox she remembered, she knew exactly how to get on his good side. Also, the risk of waking him up unintentionally was slim and nun, because he slept like the dead. She had thought that Nick was slow to get going in the morning, but Finnick was for all intents and purposes a zombie until he got some coffee in him.
No, it was this mysterious Honey she had to be mindful of, all she had gotten out of Nick yesterday was: Female badger, inventor, big on conspiracy theories and, apparently, a pack rat. Not much to work with, so caution was the name of the game.
"Hnnnurgnn... "
Surprised, she looked up from the last touches of her food preparation and had to smile fondly; speak of the undead and they shall appear.
There, slowly shuffling forward with eyes barely opened to slits and his large ears sort of slumping at the tips, a small fennec approached. Well, she knew how to handle this, certainly.
"Good morning, Finnick! Have a seat and I will have your coffee ready in a jiffy."
Her voice caused the small fox to stop in his tracks, seemingly confused.
After a few moments, he gave the impression of having reached a conclusion:
"Ei saa peittää. Paltkåma." Having said his peace, he resumed his slow shamble for the dinner table.
So slow was his advance, that by the time he reached his chair the rabbit had already served his coffee and stacked her and Nick's portions on a large tray with folding legs, meant for breakfast in bed. Having spotted it in the guest room last night, she had decided right then to serve her fox a nice newlywed's meal in the morning.
Wanting to make sure the fennec was sorted before she left, she observed with amusement how he grabbed his chair and looked up at it like it was Mount Everest, and he was about to climb it. Only, his right foot was rising about an inch before returning to the floor, over and over like he was stuck there. She could almost hear the sad 'klick-klick-klick' of a wind-up toy stuck on a carpet.
Taking pity on the poor zombie-fox, she helped him through the simply expedient of taking hold of his hips and lifting him up into his seat; an action that he took offence to even in his mostly-sleeping state, he hated to be grabbed or mammal-handled in any way. Not that Judy could blame him, such things were a constant risk for any small and cute mammal.
*Grooowl* "Donnerwetter! Perkele caramba merde!"
Amused by his multi-lingual skills in spite of his zombified state, she still felt an apology was in order. "Sorry, Finn, didn´t mean to upset you, just trying to be helpful. Why don´t you try your coffee? I´m sure you´ll forgive me if you do." She gently put his mug in his paw and let him have a whiff of the brew inside.
*Sniff sniff* *Sniff?* "…hrrnnn? Chex mä wåsh. Tallkotte?"
"Yes, it´s coffee, a special blend just for you. Drink up!"
Seeing how the mug was starting to rise, even if it did so in ultra-slow-motion, she felt her work here was done; she grabbed the tray she had prepared and headed back to the bedroom.
*Sluuuurrrrrp…*
She smiled an angelic smile as she turned down the corridor.
-RK-
Less than ten minutes ago, through ZombieFennectm vision. WARNING! Slight discrepancies with reality may occur.
*Sniff sniff sniff*
The FinnickFox awakened.
The FinnickFox smelled food.
*Guurgle*
The FinnickFox was hungry.
The FinnickFox proceeded to quickly jump out of its lair in search of sustenance.
*Thump* "…urghhh"
The FinnickFox failed to take into account the height of that first step.
*Huff huff*
The FinnickFox rapidly gathered itself and went on the hunt.
*Sniff sniff*
The FinnickFox used its superb sense of smell to locate the food source and proceeded towards it on swift feet.
*Shuffle shuffle shuffle*
Having navigated a long and treacherous path without fail, The FinnickFox´s keen eyesight spotted another being in the vicinity of the food source.
The FinnickFox ran its advanced identify friend/foe program, quickly scanning the entity for all relevant data.
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…green…'
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…Nick…'
The FinnickFox, having established a positive identification of a friendly, issued a greeting.
"Good morning Nicholas. I hope you are well this fine morning."
"Good morning, Finnick! Have a seat and I will have your coffee ready in a jiffy."
The FinnickFox stopped. Something was wrong, it could feel it in every fibre of its being.
The FinnickFox ran its IFF program again, just to be certain.
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…female…'
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…Honey…'
'…ERROR…'
'…Nick≠female…'
'…ERROR…'
'…Honey≠green…'
'…ERROR…'
'…Nick≠Honey…'
'…ERROR…'
'…RESTART…'
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…green…'
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…female…'
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…'
'…Honnick...'
'…'
The FinnickFox, having satisfactorily resolved the problem, issued a new statement.
"Always nice to welcome a new guest. Please join us in breaking our fast."
The FinnickFox proceeded to its rightful place at the food source.
Unfortunately, when reaching the base of the construct that held the food source, The FinnickFox was dismayed to find that the structure that would allow it to indulge had been expanded upon to a frankly ridiculous degree.
Undeterred, The FinnickFox began ascending the structure at speed, when it was suddenly snatched out of the air and deposited at the top.
While helpful, The FinnickFox was nonetheless disagreeable to the sudden invasion of privacy.
"I say, my good mammal, that is no way to treat your betters, or for that matter your servants, even! Please show more respect for your fellow mammal."
"Sorry, Finn, didn´t mean to upset you, just trying to be helpful. Why don´t you try your coffee? I´m sure you´ll forgive me if you do."
A container was placed in front of The FinnickFox and its olfactory senses was affected like never before.
*Sniff sniff* *Sniff?* "What is this? Never have we smelled its like! Could this be some miraculous draught we have discovered?"
"Yes, it´s coffee, a special blend just for you. Drink up!"
The FinnickFox was positively spellbound by the elixir in its grasp. Swiftly, it raised the chalice to its lips to indulge itself.
*Sluuuurrrrrp…*
'Ambrosia!'
As Finnick finally awoke properly, he found that this day seemed to be off to an unexpectedly good start. His morning coffee was the best he had ever had, truly a beverage fit for the gods! He had to ask Honnick where…
'Wait, what? Honnick? Who the fuck…?'
Turning his head around so fast he damn near dislocated something, he was just in time to see a short mammal in a green shirt turn the corner.
A mammal with long, grey, black-tipped ears…
-RK-
"…muhhng…"
Honey Clarice Badger awoke with a wide yawn and a twisting stretch. Well rested after a good night's sleep, she was happily surprised to find the air filled with tempting aromas. It was not often that one of her friends and housemates got up before her, and even if they did, they both tended to be rather useless for some time, or until after several cups of strong coffee at least. That said quite a bit more about their slowness than any particular ability on her part, though, she was only an early riser relative to the foxes.
No big wonder, then, that the smell of good eating would cause her to toss on a bathrobe and hurry to the kitchen; be a waste to miss this chance.
Turning the last corner, she was met by a queer sight; Finnick, mug in paw, sat frozen in his chair. His head turned at an uncomfortable angle, eyes and mouth open wide, an expression of shock on his features.
This very out of character behaviour worried her, just a little. "Oy, Finn? You okay, mammal?"
The sound of her voice finally snapped the fennec out of his fugue state. "Ya know, I´m either still asleep an´ havin´ a real doozy of a dream, or the reason this coffee is so good…" He sniffed his mug suspiciously. "…is that there´s some good stuff in it. Either or, I coulda´ swore ah saw a bunny…"
Honey´s eyebrows went high at that statement.
"…wearin´ one ah Nick´s ugly-ass shirts."
Honey managed to perfectly mimic Finnick´s facial expression from just moments before.
-RK-
Nicholas Piberius Wilde was dreaming. He pretty much had to be, considering he was lying in a soft bed, small soft paws were gently scratching his ears and neck, and the air was filled with the scent of good food and… rabbit? Also, since his neck was the recipient of this wonderful treatment, he had to be sans collar, ergo, all in all, he was dreaming.
Had to be.
Definitely.
No question.
At all.
Unfortunately, he seemed to become more and more aware of the details of the dream, sounds and scents crystallizing into their component parts. This, of course, ran opposite to everything he had ever experienced in any other dream he had ever had, thus making his previous supposition more and more suspect.
Since his eyes seemed to be closed, the only logical way forward was to open them and correlate the data he had with a visual aspect.
The sheer incongruity of the situation made him hesitate, though. The strong smell of musk, his musk, indicated that this was his bedroom. That would make all the other data-points he had rather misplaced; none of the things they indicated should be anywhere near his room, so he naturally defaulted back to 'being asleep and dreaming', again.
"Wake up, sleepy fox. Time for breakfast."
The soft, clearly female voice that whispered in his ear was hard to reason away, unfortunately. His eyes snapped open whether he wanted them to or not, only to snap shut immediately. Too bright. Why was his window shutter not closed? Slowly, he peaked out through narrowed eyes, to be met with a vision of loveliness.
There, in his room, in his bed, knelt a sweetly smiling bunny, backlit by the rising sun. Wearing one of his shirts, at that.
'Wait, lovely? Uh, well, in this case I don´t think there is any denying it.'
Blinking groggily, the fox was slowly starting to remember yesterday, and all that had happened.
'All that… really happened, didn´t it? This bunny… is my wife.'
The bunny in question only smiled brighter. "No more snoozing, Mr Wilde, just sit up against the headboard and let me serve you." Following her words with a number of little prods and pulls, she soon had the fox in position and placed a small table across his legs.
Amazed at the bounty appearing before him along with the highly unexpected service, he was rather confused with it all. This just wasn´t how prey behaved! "Uhm, Sarge, you know you don´t really have to do this, right? I don´t expect anything from you but being a good housemate and doing your share of the chores."
Seating herself opposite him and starting on her tea, her sweet smile never wavered. "I know. I just wanted to start us on a high note, to show that I care. Even if our marriage is just for convenience, that's no reason we can´t be friends at least, right? Now, dig in before it goes cold."
Getting a strange feeling in his gut at the thought of just being friends, he grabbed a bagel and took a sip of his coffee. He would have said it was just the way he liked it, but he couldn´t. It somehow was much better than that. Black, but with a slight sweetness that he couldn´t identify.
He savoured it anyway, interposing his sips with bites of bagel until the bagel was gone. Leaning back more fully, he decided to just go with it for now; enjoy his company and this excellent coffee. Looking over the strange little table he could have sworn he had never seen before, he scratched his neck as he considered his next morsel.
Then he froze.
"Hey, Saaarge? You didn´t by any chance remove my collar, did you?" Her doing so was completely inconceivable, naturally. Not being afraid of predators was one thing, removing their collars while being in the same room was quite another.
He only asked because it was the only conclusion that made a lick of sense.
He just kept on underestimating her, it seemed.
Not even looking up from her food, she gave a factual answer. "Indeed, I did. I may not have the power to get rid of them completely, but by all that is good and just, I will not have a single mammal wearing one of those torture-contraptions in my own home. I hung the thing by the front door, by the way."
The fox felt his fur bristle and tingles run up and down his spine. When she spoke of the collars, her voice gained a certain… something. Was it malice? Hate? Simple dislike? Whatever it was, it was scary! Not a word he had ever connected to a cute little bunny, not before he met Judy at least, that's for sure.
Her words about not having anyone wear one in the house sounded less like a mortal decision and more like a Commandment from on high, at that.
'Damn, but that´s hot! Wait, what? Again? Dagnabit, mind! …but hang on…No, you know what? A rabbit that scary and that hate those horrible collars as much as she does, that IS hot! And I´ll follow Finn´s advice and bite the face off any yahoo who says otherwise!'
Feeling suddenly happy with his newfound imperative, another question rose in his mind. "That´s unexpected, but very welcome. You get to tell Finn and Honey, though. And while we are speaking of decisions, have you made one concerning our little bet, last night? You did win, after all."
The fox was a bit nervous about this; if he was at home he wanted to sleep in his own bed. It was a fox-thing.
The bunny seemed confused for a moment, then her ears snapped up when she remembered their bet.
When she gave her reply, her ears fell behind her, slightly pink on the inside. She didn´t meet his eyes, either. "I know a few things about foxes, so there is no way I´m going to force you out of your own bed. I had kinda hoped that, maybe, possibly, we could just keep sharing? You´re warm and soft and I slept like a kit last night..."
When she tapered off at the end, Nick felt his head spinning. She wanted to stay with him? Sleep in his bed? Their bed?
'Is this really what she wants? Is it really what I want? Hmm, she seems to be flying under the radar as far as my normal instincts are concerned, so no problems there. She really isn´t very big, so it´s not like she takes up all that much space, and her fur is incredibly soft. Maybe I can pet her ears again? Also, she smells very nice, kind of sweet. Lilac, maybe? Mmm, I could just lie and hold her close and bury my nose in her neck-fur all night. Maybe she would even let me…uh…'
Realizing that his mind had headed for the gutter, again, like a running back heading for the endzone, as soon as he started thinking of Judy; he hurried to quash those thoughts for the time being.
"Uhm, Nick, are you with me? What do you think?"
Oops, he got lost in his thought for a bit. Not wanting to worry the bunny, he hurried to answer her. He gave her a roguish grin. "I think... I can handle that. You are a rather small mammal after all, and you make for a very cute bed warmer. "
Her ears had risen straight up when he started talking and a sunny smile had spread across her face, but at the end of his statement her face assumed a deadpan expression. Her eyes narrowed and her ears moved back until they stood almost straight out from the back of her skull; the worrying phrase "attack position" popped up in his head.
"Cute, am I?" Even as she spoke, she gathered her legs beneath her and did that little wiggle of her rear that felines are prone to do when they prepare to pounce.
"Uhh, Sarge? Judy?" Were her eyes glowing? He was worried now.
She leaped.
He couldn't help it; he instinctively raised his arms in defence and closed his eyes.
Which was too bad, really. He missed a world class piece of acrobatics, as she threw out a foot against the wall and stopped her forward motion, turning it into a tuck-roll-spin to land sitting on the fox's left side.
Surprised by the lack of pain and feeling the thump at his left, the fox squinted his eyes open. He was met by a pair of amethyst eyes, sparkling with mischief, just as the bunny leaned into his side and placed her head on his shoulder. "Cute bunnies needs cuddles, you know."
Bewildered, the vulpine almost went cross-eyed at finding her so close.
Undaunted, she continued. "But be careful calling bunnies cute, it can be kind of a hot button for many of us."
Still rattled by the mood whiplash, he blinked several times. Did she just get him? Get him good? Yes, yes she did. He raised his head and let out a single, barking laugh. "Hah! "
Then he lowered his now half lidded eyes to hers and wrapped his left arm around her in a side-hug. "Sly bunny." It was barely above a murmur.
She placed a small paw on his chest and matched his stare with her own, their noses only a bare inch apart. "Dumb fox." The affection in her voice rinsed the words of any insult.
For a glorious moment, they sat like that, just gazing into each others' eyes. Unfortunately, whether or not it could have led to something else would go unanswered, as the world chose that moment to interfere. The interference began with the sound of rapid footsteps and agitated voices.
"...telling you, no one's broken in, the alarm system in this place is of my own design. It hasn't gone off, so no break in. Simple as that."
"Damnit, badger, I never said anyone's busted in, all I'm sayin' is someone fixed us grub an' it shure as hell didn't look like no fox I've ever seen! If Nick wants ta bring home someone to keep 'Im company 'an do the food, dat's his business. You don't go bargin in to no fox's den jus' for dat!
"Pffft, who said anything about barging in? I just feel it's reasonable to find out if any strange mammals are on the premises so nothing untowards happens. I'll just knock on his door like a civilised mammal."
"Graaah!"
*Knock knock*
Civilised might be argued, considering the door swung open as soon as the second knock was heard. In walked a stout badger in a bathrobe and a fennec in the middle of face-palming himself.
"Good morning, Nick! Are you aware if there's..." The badger suddenly going silent had the fennec removing his paw from his face and freezing in place just like she had.
Nick thought his friends reaction was a bit over the top; it's not like they had caught him and Judy in flagrante derelicto, as it were. He was fully prepared to accept that the situation was strange, him having breakfast in bed while having an arm around a pretty doe. Still, those bug-eyed stares and the completely frozen postures were just creepy. He attempted to break the ice. "Morning, guys. How are you today?"
Nothing. Not even a twitch. He scowled slightly. Okay for exceptional circumstances, but come on! One little bunny can't possibly have such shock value, can she? Now they were just being rude. He opened his mouth to speak, when he felt a light tap on his torso.
Looking down, he locked eyes with his bunny. She twitched her head towards the two intruders, wordlessly communicating her intentions. Let me handle them.
He lifted an eyebrow a fraction of an inch. Why you? They're my friends, you've never even talked to them before.
She gave him a half-lidded stare and made a small gesture towards her throat. You told me to, remember?
He flicked his eyes up in remembrance. Right, I did do that, didn't I? A small nod to the two frozen mammals. Their all yours, have at 'em.
She gave him a quick smile before she hopped down from the bed, leaving the fox in confusion at what just happened. 'Since when was telepathy on my résumé? ' Hooray for subconscious reading of body language.
The two interlopers were finally starting to unfreeze, when they were re-frozen for a completely different reason; the scowl on the approaching bunny's face was somehow terrifying. The way she was staring at their throats while she walked closer did not make her seem friendlier either; quite the opposite, actually. When she were little more than an arms length away from them, she finally stopped. For a moment she just observed the two. The badger at last found her courage and opened her mouth to speak.
...when the rabbit suddenly had her arm up, a dark blue coloured, gun shaped object in her paw.
"Gu...! " Was as far as the ratel got...*bebeep-bebeep*...before the rabbit held a pair of collars in her other paw. They never even saw her move. Bug-eyed, frozen staring, take two.
"Okay you guys, listen up! Nick has a few house rules, and I'm adding one of my own: No. Collars. In. The. House! I'll leave the key for them by the front door, you can hang your collar there when entering and put them on when leaving. If I see anyone wearing one inside, then there will be a reckoning!" Her voice was very much the voice of a general commanding his troops. "Do I make myself clear? "
Even more bug-eyed staring, now with a serving of disbelief. The bunnys eyes narrowed, her ears going to that peculiar almost-straight-out-from-her-head posture that seemed unique to her. Her voice was several octaves lower this time. "I asked. Is. That. Clear? "
This time she got a pair of rapid nods, at least. The bug-eyed staring only intensified, unfortunately.
"Great!"...aaand she was suddenly all sunshine and roses, huge smile and peppy voice. "I'll go see to that now, 'kay? Then we can all finish breakfast." And she was gone. Leaving the two to their staring at empty space. Several heartbeats passed in absolute silence. Then...
"Oy, Honey?"
"Yeah?"
"Did that just happen? "
"What part? Finding Nick in bed with a rabbit, being scared shitless by said rabbit, or her taking off our collars and forbidding us from wearing them inside? "
"All ah the above."
"Considering I have yet to consume anything today, so your suspicion of 'good stuff' in the coffee would not apply to me, and the fact we both saw it, I feel forced to conclude that all that did indeed just happen."
"'Kay." A beat. "Still don't believe it, though."
"That makes two of us, Finn, that makes two of us."
One red fox had watched the proceedings in silence. To say he was entertained was an understatement. This was the best morning show ever, as far as he was concerned. Maybe he could squeeze some more fun out of this? "So what do you guys think of our newest house mate, the indomitable sergeant Judy Hopps of the ZPD?"
"WHAT!?" The response from his two friends were immediate and identical. Yes, he could indeed get some more fun out of this.
"Ah no, my bad, since she is not in uniform that isn't quite right; no, since last night her proper name would be Mrs Judy Wilde." Their expressions of mixed shock, bewilderment and a few other things did it.
"WAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! "
-RK-
An hour later, after a lengthy explanation of the situation for Finnick and Honey, Judy sat in her cruiser again, on her way to the precinct. Despite having the day off, she wore her spare uniform to save herself from the hassle of mammals seeing some random bunny driving a police vehicle, they might call the police on her! She figured that as soon as her little errand was finished, she could go home and change.
Home. That was an amazing thought. Her home, where she lived with her husband and two soon-to-be good friends. All thanks to the hustle of a… no, the hustle of TWO lifetimes! She had not just hustled the whole of Zootopia, but she had even gotten Nick! Oh well, she had every intention of making sure he never regretted it.
While driving, she couldn´t help but giggle to herself; Finnick and Honey´s reactions had been hilarious! Naturally, they had been suspicious of her at first, her willingness to associate with predators not a trait usually found in any prey they had met before. Honey even went so far as to ask Nick how much he was worth; implying Judy was some kind of gold digger. Luckily, Nick could shut down that suspicion then and there, by producing a copy of the very first document she had had them both sign; a prenuptial agreement that clearly stated that for the first ten years of their marriage, all their properties would be kept separate so neither of them could lay claim on the others' belongings.
After that, things had gone smoother. Finnick had gone from frowning, to surprise, then starting to smile and ending on a heartfelt belly laugh, saying something about "hustling 'em good " between laughs. The small fox had always appreciated a well executed hustle, especially if he felt the victim deserving.
Honey, on the other paw, had been fascinated with the legal minutiae of Judy's plan; she kept asking questions until Nick declared that they would have to hurry if they were going to open Wilde Times on time. Saturday was a busy day for the park, after all. Judy had watched with poorly hidden dismay as the three had put their collars back on before piling into Finnicks van, quick but friendly goodbyes exchanged. How she loathed the damn things.
Sighing, she turned her personalised cruiser into the precinct parking lot, the subject of the T.A.M.E.-collars guaranteed to bring her mood down every time. She decided that she did not want to even try to interact with her colleagues any more than she had to and simply get her errand over with as soon as possible.
Stealthing through the station, using her small size and soft feet to her advantage, Judy went as far as hiding in an empty office to let a zebra pass by just so she wouldn't have to deal with her co-workers today; the day had started so well and she didn't want to ruin it.
Thus it was that she arrived completely unseen to her goal; the armoury. Luckily it was in the same place as in her previous life, because she had no memory of ever stepping foot in it in her current one. For unknown reasons all her gear had been delivered to her directly.
As she snuck a peak into the armoury, she got an inkling to why; there, behind the desk for the armourer, sat a wolf. He had his back to her as he seemed to be working on something, but she would guess him to be in his late fifties. She watched in stunned silence for a while, knowing that no predators were supposed to be able to legally work on the force.
When the canine started sniffing the air and pricking his ears, she realised that her feet had used her distraction to silently carry her all the way up to his desk. The wolf had apparently gotten wind of her. Still sniffing and sporting a slightly confused expression, the old wolf spun his chair around.
Not wanting to seem unfriendly, Judy smiled up at him with a small wave. The wolf looked down and startled so badly he almost fell out of his chair.
Red light. *Bip bip bip bip*
'Oh no!'
-RK-
Frank Greypaw had it better than most preds, in his honest opinion. He had a decent home, a loving family, and a job he rather enjoyed. Sure, his workplace was infested with more bigoted haymunchers than he felt was strictly necessary, but since they didn't like him any more than he liked them, they tended to stay away from the armoury unless absolutely necessary, leaving him plenty of time for his own projects. And since the chief was a decent sort and his projects tended to be useful to the force, he was allowed to pursue his interests.
He had served as a combat engineer for most of his adult life, until a booby-trap had cost him his right foot. Finding himself medically discharged, he had been disgusted to find that his insurance didn't even cover a proper prosthetic. Undeterred, he had hobbled out to his shed on his crutches, and when he walked out again he had done so on an artificial foot of his own creation that was superior to anything commercially available in every way conceivable.
He had tested his work by walking to the closest decent bar and get himself properly smashed. In the process of ingesting a suitable amount of alcohol to forget his current woes for a time, he had loudly complained about them to anyone who would listen. Among his complaints was a demonstration of his missing limb, along with the fact he´d had to male it himself, whereupon a hippo had leaned over in interest. "Say, that's some mighty fine workmanship, that. You said you were in the military, right?"
Surprised by the respect shown by a prey mammal, he had answered with some trepidation. "Yeeeah? Would still be, if not for my foot. Now I gotta try to find a job for a one-legged pred."
The hippo had given him a knowing smirk. "You know, if I have a talk with my boss I´m sure he could find a position for a mammal with your skills. Name´s Higgins, by the way."
The rest is, as they say, history.
That had been eight years ago, by now. Today, he was fiddling with one of his inventions, a vastly improved prosthetic paw. Ever since he lost his foot, he had often returned to making improved prosthetics, for mammals less fortunate than himself. This was to be for an EMT that had lost a limb in the process of pulling a victim out of a crashed car.
Just as he was assembling the last of the fiddliest bits, his nose caught an unexpected scent. He tried to ignore it at first, but it was so out of place and kept getting stronger, so in the end he had to take notice.
'Is that rabbit I smell? Nah, can't be, what would a bunny be doing down here in the bowels of precinct one?' Still, he was curious enough to turn his chair around and holy shit! He had NOT expected to find the bunny barely five feet away, giving him a smile and a wave! The surprise almost scared him off his seat!
*Bip Bip Bip Bip*
'Oh shit!' He knew that sound intimately, the fright had caused his heartrate to spike and cause his collar to react. Too late to do anything about it, he closed his eyes tight and gritted his teeth in expectation of the pain.
*Bee-beep*
He waited. He waited some more. Nothing. 'The hell?' Carefully, he squinted one eye open, wondering what just happened.
The sight that greeted him caused him to snap both eyes open in astonishment. There was the bunny, holding a collar-key in one paw and a collar, presumably his, in her other.
"Really, really sorry about that, sir, I didn´t mean to startle you like that!" And now she was apologising. She looked apologetic enough for him to believe her, with her ears down and head slightly bowed. 'Damn, she´s fast! …sir?'
Quite amazed, the wolf slapped his paws to the sides of his neck. Yep, no collar. "Well well, no harm no foul I suppose. Not to sound ungrateful, but where did you get that collar-key? I´m pretty sure the ZPD don´t have any bunny-sized ones in inventory, and I should now."
Perking right up, she slapped both collar and key down on his desk. "No, I don´t suppose you do. Other than the most obvious items, the ZPD has been rather on the slow side to acquire size-appropriate gear for me, so I have had to resort to getting my own stuff. I was hoping that you might sign the paperwork for it so its all on the up-and-up."
Special dispensation for non-standard equipment, eh? Yes, that kind of thing was his responsibility, and since she was the only officer in her weight-class, you could certainly make a case that it applied. The fact that she had the rank of sergeant also helped, of course.
That she had been respectful and quick enough to get his collar off to save him from a lot of pain was just a bonus. Really.
Deciding that she might be worth the trouble, the canine reached down into his desk and produced the required paper. "No problem, ma'am. Anything else I can help you with?"
The rabbit suddenly lit up the room with her smile. "Yes you can, that piece of paperwork you have there was something I only realised I needed when you asked about the key. No, what I really came for…" She put her badge on his desk, along with another paper, carefully folded. "…was this."
Curious, he picked up the paper and unfolded it. His head tilted in confusion. 'A… marriage certificate?' It took him a moment, then the penny dropped. "So you need a new shield with your new name, correct?"
"Yup!" Her answer was a happy chirp.
"Very well, I can do that right now, if you have the time?" He looked down at his desk for her old badge. His eyes fell on his collar. "Uhm, do you want me to put my collar back on? I feel quite calm now, I understand if you would prefer that I did." She was just a little bunny, after all.
The look she gave the mentioned device should have left it a small molten pile. "I really rather you waited until I left. Hate the damned things. …and yes, I have the time."
Eyebrows raised, he concluded that he didn´t feel like pressing the issue. Instead, he spent a few minutes filling in the paperwork and then getting out the tools to put her new name on a bare shield from stock. The rabbit hopped up to sit on the corner of his desk, watching him work.
"If you don´t mind me asking, how come you work here? I was under the impression that no predators were allowed to work in the police-force." Her tone was curious, lacking any accusation.
He answered her without looking up from his work. "True, we can´t be officers, and usually an officer serves as the armourer, but strictly speaking the armourer doesn´t have to be an officer. It´s a bit of a loophole, but I had special skills so I got the job."
(Special skills were right, Judy clearly remembered a kind wolf in his late seventies that had been a pioneer in the field of prosthetics and had helped her with her new legs, back in her last life. A wolf by the name of Frank Greypaw.)
"So a predator can work for the ZPD, just not as an officer, huh?" That little nugget made Judy's mind come up with some… interesting ideas.
"That's the gist of it, not that the force has use for many besides me. Now, if you don't mind, I have a question of my own." The wolf had missed her thoughtful/devious look, never looking away from his craft.
Already feeling perfectly at ease with the older canine, she didn´t hesitate. "Shoot."
Still having eyes only for the shield he was fashioning, he asked: "What kind of name is Wilde, for a bunny? It doesn´t sound like any rabbit I´ve ever heard of."
Giving the larger mammal a sharp look, Judy considered him for a moment. Then she took a leap of faith. "Have you ever heard of Wilde Times?"
That made him look up. " …my young nephew might have mentioned it, sometime."
Her smile was definitely on the devious end, with a side of smug satisfaction. "Boy, do I have a story you…"
-RK-
45 minutes later and another stealthy walk through the precinct, Judy hopped back into her cruiser, new badge on her chest.
She felt she had made a new friend today, Mr Greypaw had listened to her story with rapt attention and laughed quite hard by the end. They had shared some other small talk as he finished her badge and she had offered him a free ticket for himself and a plus one of his choice to Wilde Times. She´d pay for it out of her own pocket if Nick didn't feel like giving out any freebies.
Speaking of Nick, she pulled out her phone and rang his number before she strapped in and started the car. As she pulled away from the curb, the fox picked up.
-RK-
Said fox was looking out from his office window, feeling more content than he ever could remember, when his phone rang.
"Hello, Nick Wilde speaking."
"Hi Nick!" That cheerful voice was unmistakable.
"Hey there, Sarge! How is it going?"
"Just fine, I´ve finished my errand at the precinct, so I thought I´d go shopping for a bit and then go home and install myself properly. Is it okay if I grab something from the guestroom? I think I saw a small shelf with hooks in there, perfect for hanging collars on."
Still feeling amazed at her opinion of the collars, something else she had said caused his mood to go down several notches. "That's fine, go right ahead. I really need to talk to Honey about the guestroom, though. What she did with it is just not okay."
A paus. "…you remember I said I know some things about foxes?"
"Well, yeah?"
"Do you reckon she´s deserving of a… getting?"
That was rather shocking. 'Where in Karmas name has she learned about something like that?' "I… suppose it is deserved, yes. Why, did you have an idea?"
"I just might. I thought I could start with making dinner tonight, and then…"
By the time she had explained her idea, the fox was in complete agreement, laughing hysterically, and absolutely convinced that Judy had to be some kind of vixen, long ears and short tail notwithstanding.
-RK-
And done! I think the last chapter took some out of me, it took me much longer to get this one typed out.
But here it is, more humours and light-hearted, but with several Chekovs guns prepped and ready.
A fox-getting is curtesy of Sarsis´ Guardian blue, by the way.