I can feel their confused gazes digging into my skull as I try to keep from hyperventilating. Explaining anything to do with that time has always made me anxious, it tends to get pretty bad. I once started crying uncontrollably when I accidentally pulled out my deck instead of my phone.

It's a pretty personal and touchy subject.

"When humans were first created by Him, they all started with pure souls, uncorrupted and kind. But over time, the souls were corrupted. Every once in a while, He will create one or two pure souls and throw them into some random world. These souls will remain incorruptible for a certain number of lifetimes." I hear Ed cough, gaining my attention. "What do you mean, "certain number of lifetimes"?" I hear Izumi give a soft gasp. "You don't mean…" She leaves the rest of her unasked question floating. I nod. "Everyone is reincarnated several times. Sometimes across dimensions." I gesture to Ed and Al. "Your mother could've been reincarnated as a new person in any world, which is probably one of the biggest reasons that your attempt to bring her back didn't work. She was already tied down in her new life." The two exchange a sad glance. I sigh and glance down at my hands. "I'm one of those "one-in-a-million" people. I was born with a pure soul that was supposed to remain incorruptible for several lifetimes more." "No offense Lisa, but you don't exactly seem "uncorrupted"." I shoot Ed a silencing glare.

"I know, which is what confuses me at the moment. Before today I had an excuse for not "behaving" like a pure soul." I sigh through my nose, tracing the now fading scars that I can feel through the bandaging. "When I was little, my soul would take any darkness it got, negative feelings, bad words, anything, whether it came from me or others, and let it fade out, back into the world… but, the older I got, the more darkness came. So… when my soul couldn't get rid of the dark fast enough, it started tossing some of it into a metaphorical corner, where it built up. It wasn't much at first… but.." I feel my hands start shaking at flashes of a not so distant, yet very far past.

Sharp teeth dripping with a thick red liquid.

Blood-red eyes.

A huge sword, spattered with blood, raised over my head.

The horrified expressions of my friends.

I shake the visions away, forcing myself to keep my mind from wandering. I take a shaky breath and clutch the blanket closer. "About a year ago, another dimension collided with my home world's, rendering all my powers useless. My sister and I happened to meet the "heroes" of that dimension. After a few years, something… bad… happened… It released Lillian, fully and truly. She took control of my body and attacked all of them… I'm only glad that no one was seriously injured or… killed…" I pull my knees to my chest. "To be completely honest, I hate talking about this more than anything else in the world because she normally starts messing with me about it…" A soft whimper escapes my throat. "I never thought I'd miss that so much…"

I glance up as Teacher puts a hand on my shoulder. "She sounds like a very dangerous person. Why would you miss her?" I wince at her comment. "To be honest, alot of people wonder why I don't hate her for everything she's done…" I sigh. "Why don't you hate her?!" Ed asks loudly. "You said so yourself, she tried to kill you and people you care about!" I try to curl up even more into myself. "She's the reason I'm the way I am…" "What do you mean, Lisa?" I glance up at Al's confused voice to see him kneeling at the foot of the bed, his soulfire red eyes filled with concern. I feel my lip quiver and I feel my throat tighten as I suppress the urge to cry. "Do you remember when Barry said that it was possible that you were a fake soul?" I hear Ed take a sharp breath as Al nods. I curl my toes and hiccup as raw emotion starts tearing at my soul like a raging fire. "It may not have been *hic* true for you…. but… it's true for me… er, it was…" I screw my eyes shut. "I don't know what I am anymore…"

I can almost hear the confused look the three share above my head. "I wasn't like this when I was little. I was literally a perfect child, soul-wise at least. Innocent and all that crazy good-girl stuff. But, when Lillian was first… "born", I started acting differently. I got in trouble, I did the occasional bad thing… to be honest, I actually started forgetting things because I was constantly thinking about other things. The soul I was born with and Lillian almost immediately started fighting for control. As time went on, Lillian gained strength and began to stand out more, making me act much more differently. I was created from their battle." I take a shaky breath and close my eyes. "I am less than a human. I am a battlefield, the combination of emotions from the soul this body was born with, and the soul that it created. But now that Lillian's gone…" I let my eyes slit open and swallow back another shaky breath. "I don't know what that leaves me as…"

Izumi kneels on the bed and puts her hands on my shoulders. "Whatever you were before, it doesn't matter. All that matters is who you are NOW. You're a young, bright girl with her entire life ahead of her." Her eyes soften as she smiles. I blink as some tears build up. "A-are you sure?" She nods. "You are whatever you want to be." She says. I frown and stare down at my lap, eyes narrowed. "Whatever I want to be?" I mumble. 'Anything I want to be...what.. I… want to be?' I close my eyes and pull the blanket over my head, allowing myself to play with this foreign thought.

I hear a quiet mumbling accompanied by a soft clanging, the room goes dark and then the door closes.

I am left to my thoughts.

I curl up there on the bed, my forehead touching my knees as I play with the conversation.

"Anything… I want…. My choice?"

When was the last time someone gave me the option to do what I wanted? When was the last time I ever had an option that didn't involve me forcing someone to let me choose?

When was the last time I had options?

I can't remember the last time that I had the option to do anything I pleased that didn't have some sort of strings or thing I had to do.

I hug my knees closer, frowning thoughtfully as I play with what I could do with options like this. Anything I want to do. I can't really do anything I want. There have always been strings.

I have always had strings attached to me, like some kind of puppet.

I may be the Traveler, but even I have a Master that I must answer to.

Boss just made it feel optional to listen to him.

The Man Upstairs has always held loose chains on me and my sister, but he could pull the reins back at anytime.

From the moment my mom got that letter, He's been in control of our lives, guiding me and my sister, playing with us like a child would play with dolls, deciding our fates. He shaped the universe I know to keep me under control. He set it up so that I saw only worlds and beings I recognized. I haven't tried to explore any worlds I don't know, but still…

-flashback-

I walk into the kitchen of my family's home with my 10 year old sister right behind. Mom and Dad are sitting at the kitchen table, Mom reading a letter. They glance up at us as we sit and I wonder if we got in trouble or something. Mom smiles. "You girls must be doing really good in school." I frown and trade a confused look with Ivy. Dad nods. He doesn't smile all that much. "It seems you've been invited to a private school." I blink in confusion. "What's a private school?" asks Ivy. Mom sighs. "It's like a regular school, but you live in dorms with other kids on campus. It seems that this school is actually willing to pay for your tuition there if you accept their invitation." I feel my eyebrows scrunch up as I think about it. I wouldn't have to share a room with Ivy, probably some other girls. If I'm lucky, I could get a room to myself. I wouldn't have to deal with my brother or my parents harping on me. No chores… "You would come back for breaks and it looks like this school is even going to let you choose your classes." Mom hands me the letter/pamphlet and Ivy reads it from over my shoulder. There are normal school classes, social study, language arts, math, stuff like that. But there's also weird classes, like dueling, martial arts, special sciences, technology and some other weird ones. I tap my chin. They don't have classes like these at the elementary school. I'm only in 6th grade, heading to the middle school after summer vacation and Ivy's in 3rd grade, heading to 4th. This letter says they're willing to pay for our classes up until we graduate high school. How many years is that?

Mom smiles. "They're giving you until July to make up your minds. You don't both have to go. If one of you wants to, go for it." I nod. "I wanna think about it for awhile." I declare, standing up. Ivy hops up and nods. "Me too!" I roll my eyes and then head back to our room, Ivy following me. Like she always does.

I clamber up the top bunk of our bed and lay down to read the letter. I snatch my notebook from behind my pillow and jolt down the classes that I think I'd take if I go there. When I get to school tomorrow, I'll ask Matt and Jenna and Kat what they think. Kat is moving to Japan this summer anyways, but still, Jenna is going to be my only way of talking to Kat and I almost don't want to lose that. I sigh and glare up at the ceiling, as if it holds all the answers to my problems. "Are you gonna go?" Ivy asks and I roll my eyes. "I dunno. I kinda want to because then I can get away from you crazy people, but I don't wanna be far from my friends…" I hear Ivy mumble something that is most certainly "Me too." I growl and smack the mattress.

-Several weeks later-

I lick my lips nervously, shifting my backpack slightly as I rub my sweaty palm against my pant leg before grabbing my suitcase again. Ivy bounces beside me, much too excited to try mimicking me. The bus pulls up and I hear Mom calling good-bye. I lug my suitcase, which is jam-packed with my favorite t-shirts, all my jeans and shorts, my favorite baseball hats, a few pairs of sandals, flip flops and my extra pair of sneakers. In my backpack is as many notebooks, binders and other writing and drawing stuff as I could fit in it. The school is supposed to be supplying school supplies for us, but I have some "supplies" I need for myself. I clamber on board, Ivy on my heels.

I glance around as I walk down the aisle. The whole bus is empty. Unsure, but happy, I walk straight to the seat at the very back of the bus, a seat that has always been "off limits" to anyone not a high schooler. I'll probably be told to move later, but I'll enjoy it for now. Ivy plops in the first seat at the front, giving us the whole bus distance apart. I snuggle into my seat and pull out a book to read.

Nearly ten minutes later I hear the sound of the bus speeding up. I glance out the window to see we're driving down an empty road. No houses, no other cars, nothing.

I stand and shout up to the driver "Are we almost to the next stop?" I then notice that we haven't stopped once since Ivy and I got on the bus. No one else has gotten on. The driver grins at me. "You're the only stop." My eyes widen as he turns and continues driving, right into a big swirl circle.

5 minutes later, Ivy and I are standing on the curb of a school at the very center of a bustling little town on a floating island in the middle of a huge swirling white-ish expanse. I say white-ish because it also looks purple, or maybe green, or maybe it's black.

-end-

I sit up and stretch, warm sunlight streaming through the windows and the scent of food wafting through the house. I must have fallen asleep and dreamt about that first day. If I had known my entire world was going to flip, I probably would have worn something better than a green t-shirt and brown capris that day, but now that's my thing.

I pull off Ed's under-jacket before pulling at the gauze, revealing the faint scars on my stomach. I sigh and nod to myself before dressing myself with a pair of clean cargo shorts that brush my knees and a green tank-top.

I stand up and leave the room, flinging Ed's jacket over my shoulder.

Speaking of the hot-blooded idiot.

Just as I'm walking down the hall, Ed walks out of the bathroom, drying his hair. I smirk and toss the jacket atop his head as I pass him.

His surprised yelp and the thud that is probably his head hitting the bathroom door pull my face into a smile.

I hop down the stairs, patting Al's head as I bound from the stairs. I bounce into the kitchen and hug Izumi, grinning broadly. She yelps and I look up at her as her wide eyed stare connects with my shinning gaze. I giggle and release her. "Good morning Teacher!" I chirp and hop to washing up the dishes sitting on the counter. I finish in record time, putting away the last of the silverware as Ed wanders in, grumbling something about a ghost. "Morning Ed!" I say, pulling out the plates to set the table. He shoots Teacher a confused to which she shrugs and shakes her head. I grin and continue setting the table.

Sig and Al enter the room, Sig immediately setting about to help Izumi prepare breakfast while Al sits next to Ed, launching into a conversation. I only catch bits, but I know exactly what they're talking about.

"-really smiley-"

"-threw my shirt-"

"-too happy-"

"-ok?"

I ignore the conversation, despite the whirl of emotions in my stomach, and continue helping as best I can. "You're awful chipper this morning Lisa." I grin and nod to Sig. "I feel like a new person! It's actually pretty nice not having a demon in my head!" I laugh heartily, the boys muttering even more confusedly. I then drop into my seat and sigh. "Though I am a bit sore for some reason." I shrug. "I'll manage." Izumi sighs and sets down the food. "Well, as long as you're doing ok, then I suppose it doesn't matter." I grin as she hands out thick and crispy bacon, hash browns and some toast.

I guess I'm a better actor than I thought.

Ed, Al and I wave goodbye to Teacher and Sig as the train pulls out of the station. According to Al, because Ed fell asleep almost right after the station left sight, we've gotta go see Winry so Ed can get his automail fixed, 'cause Greed did some serious damage. Right now, Al is sitting across from me and Ed's leaning against the window, snoring like an idiot. I've got my headphones in, listening to some music. I sigh, flipping right past Empty by the Click Five. 'I do not need some FullMetal feels right now.' Suddenly I find myself unable to change what I'm listening to.

Heart beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave?

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?

But watching you stand alone,

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

I find myself on the verge of breaking into a chorus of sobs so I spring to my feet and walk as calmly as I can to the bathroom. I slam the door shut a little too harshly before I lose it.

I chuck the electronic across the room, where it shatters. The music stops playing but I still find myself sobbing. I crash to my knees, my hands shaking as they float just below my chin. I clamp my mouth, forcing the heart wrenching sobs to rip my chest apart as I silently force myself to not scream.

Images of better times flash before my eyes:

A head of unruly and colorful hair, golden bangs shaped like lightning framing deep eyes the color of amethyst.

A dazzling smile that always cheered me up.

The loving smile that always appeared when I saw him.

The look of excitement as he taught me how to duel.

The surprise as I finally won.

The bitter look of fury as he hit the young corporate underdog.

The hurt in his eyes as I screamed angrily as we floated down the river Nile.

The pure relief and sweet happiness in his face as I hugged him.

The happy smile as I retook my own body.

His beautiful face.

Him.

Atem.

My wonderful and loving Pharaoh.

I can never look at him again.

Ever.

-3rd POV-

Ed woke up just as Rush Valley came into view. He yawns and glances around. Noticing the absence of warmth beside him, he frowns. "Al, where's Lisa?" Al sighs. "She went to the bathroom just after you fell asleep. She seemed…. a bit freaked out." More out of worry for the girl than the normal fear of what she was up to had Edward on his feet and at the bathroom door as the train pulled to a stop. Ed banged his flesh hand against the wood. "Lisa! C'mon! We're at Rush Valley and if we don't get off now, we'll have to take another train!"

A soft sniffling on the other side has every muscle in Ed's body taunt.

He slowly drops his fist, eyes wide in surprise. "Li… Lisa? Are… are you ok?" His voice drops to a barely more than a whisper.

The sniffling stops and a shuffling sounds.

The door slides open to reveal the occupant.

Her hair shields her eyes from the Blonde's worried gaze.

Her mouth remains a soft line, devoid of emotion.

She nods slowly. "I'm fine." Her voice is soft, almost ridiculously so and tells of the broken girl who hid behind sunshine nearly an hour ago. Ed's brow scrunches as she starts to walk past him. He follows, quickly latching onto her arm and pulling the distraught girl aside. "Lisa." Only the faintest hint of a flinch tells him she even acknowledged him. He takes a deep breath and then moves his hands to her shoulders. "Lisa." Her head tilts up ever so slightly, being careful to keep her eyes shadowed. "I'm not going to pretend I get what you've gone through. Truth only knows how bad it's been for you. But you don't have to deal with on your own. You've got me and Al now, and everybody else. So stop acting like this." "Hypocrite." He nearly stumbles back at the softly spoken accusation. "What?" She sighs. "You do the exact same thing, holding back on everyone. We have similar situations, but there is one very vital difference between us." Ed narrows his eyes. "What, your powers?" She takes a shaky breath and Ed can see how much she forces on a calmness. "I don't have the power to keep from going through what I go through." Without giving him a chance to respond, Lisa turns and walks away. The stunned alchemist immediately snaps out of his taken-aback state and hurries after her. "That's not true!" he shouts after her.

He made it to the platform just as the train was about to leave. He almost immediately spotted Lisa and Alphonse talking as casually as any normal person, as if the conversation on the train never happened.

Ed was then forced to question whether this girl was worth helping if she didn't think she could be helped.

I have to explain you guys a thing. The reason the song empty is classified by Lisa as "FullMetal feels is because of this video I found. WATCH IT

watch?v=gTAxzsetw1I