I
Cotton Candy
How could I ever know you?
When everything lies in disguise
How could I ever forget?
Those eyes looking for my weal
+.+.+.+.+.+
Minami squealed, hands raised far above her head. "At last! I've been looking forward to this all year."
It somehow sounded so genuine.
She chuckled and brought her hands together before holding them in front of her mouth. Her eyes reflected the bright, colorful lights of the carnival they were about to enter.
Taishi shook his head but grinned widely in excitement. Arima graced them both with a small smile.
"Shall we?" The taller boy motioned forward.
Minami eagerly danced on ahead of them and Taishi threw a casual arm about Arima's shoulders.
"This your first time to one of these?"
"Yes," came Arima's stoic, but honest response.
They moved forward and Arima's attention fixed on the stirring of a patch of leaves as Minami swept past.
As Taishi removed his arm, Arima adjusted his glasses and continued the conversation.
"This isn't your first time, I take it?"
It seemed a casual enough question, but Taishi grew inexplicably quiet as his eyes fell to his shoes. He kicked at a candy wrapper then shoved his hands in his pockets with a sigh.
"Nah…I took Aki to one of these on our first date."
Aki. The girl in the hospital. The girl who lost an eye and the lives of three companions.
Lost them to…her.
Arima's eyes flicked to Minami as she stopped to observe a stack of jack-o-lanterns with a shameless tilt of her head.
He watched as she lifted a finger and stabbed it through the eye before she giggled and shifted her stare, meeting his. Something glinting and dangerous passed through her dark gaze before it was replaced with her usual front of inviting warmth.
He wondered how long it would be before she revealed who she was to him.
Taishi seemed to shrug off the mood he'd fallen into as he marched up to Minami and placed a hand atop her hair, ruffling it as he spoke.
"So, what'd you wanna do first?"
"Hm…," she placed a finger to her chin and tilted her head. "First we eat!"
A curiously eager choice for a ghoul.
Taishi laughed. "You read all those textbooks but you lack common sense! You're gonna get sick if you eat before we go on the rides."
"Not if we let it settle first."
"Who wants to wait for that?"
The two laughed and Arima silently followed before stopping behind them in line for a food vendor.
The air was thicker here. It was warm and dense with a strange, smoky sweetness.
He scanned the menu and saw there were a number of things he wasn't familiar with — things he would never have imagined eating. Stuffed Oreos, giant jalapeno and bacon wrapped turkey legs, and something called a funnel cake. He saw cotton candy too and, though he'd heard of it, he'd never actually seen it. There were several pre-made cones hanging off the side of the truck, reminding him of drifting, evening clouds.
Minami moved forward in line and cheerily ordered one of the cones for herself before stepping aside for Taishi.
"A funnel cake for me." He glanced back at Arima. "What'll you have?" He thrust a thumb at himself. "I'm buying."
"A caramel apple will be fine."
"Yum," Minami said with a nod and modest lift of her eyes. "That was my second choice."
The vendor called out to her and she turned to grab her treat with a bright smile and gush of gratitude. She moved to stand beside the line and tore off a piece from the cloud.
Arima's eyes followed her movement as she lifted the bite to her mouth. He imagined she'd chosen it because of how easily the sugar would dissolve, not leaving anything to linger on her tongue.
"You're looking very intense all of a sudden, Arima-kun."
He blinked and looked up to see her tilt her head at him curiously, eyes wide and innocent-looking. She held out the pink cone. "Were you wanting some?"
He hesitated, eyeing the offering uncertainly. "…I don't know."
Her gaze widened. "Have you never had cotton candy?!"
"No."
"Oh, now you have to try it."
"Ugh!" Taishi shuddered. "That stuff's nasty. It's straight sugar."
Minami shook her head. "Don't listen to him, it's delicious."
Now he really didn't know what to believe. Ghouls were hardly trustworthy food critics.
"Ah, go on!" Taishi slapped a hand against his back. "Might as well experience it for yourself."
Arima reached up to adjust his glasses, the force of Taishi's sudden motion having caused them to slip down.
He opened his mouth to respond but before he could, Minami swept forward and shoved a piece of the gritty fluff past his lips. He blinked and closed his mouth as she stepped back, thumb lifting between her teeth as she smiled apologetically around it.
As the intensely sweet sugar dissolved, the taste striking and momentary, Arima's thoughts took an unexpected turn to a line from Rabindranath Tagore's Stray Birds:
"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky."
He swallowed and offered a resigned glance to the girl watching him eagerly. She and Taishi were quite the effective tag team.
"Well? Did you like it?"
"It was a little sweeter than I prefer, but it wasn't terrible."
"Tch," Taishi clicked his tongue before turning to the vendor to grab the rest of their order.
Minami giggled and held up her index and middle finger in a victory sign. "Let me know if you want another piece."
"Here, this should help wash that pink stuff down," Taishi handed him the caramel apple, pointedly ignoring Minami as he did.
Arima nodded his thanks then saw Minami begin to consume the rest of her cotton candy greedily as she twirled and moved forward briskly. He wondered how much longer it would be before the girl excused herself to cough it all back up.
Taishi nudged his arm. "Hurry up and eat that!" We've gotta get started on those rides."
Arima obliged the boy and took a bite of the apple, the sour and salty flavors blending pleasantly.
He fell in step with his companions, gazing at his surroundings as he took a moment to enjoy himself, the ease of which was still so strange to him. Enjoyment never came so easy as it had these past few weeks. It was nice to slow down and breathe for a change.
The sky was exceptionally dark, the heavy clouds he'd seen earlier blocking out the stars and moon, though its crescent shape was faintly visible. The chill in the air was now sharp and biting, piercing the thin wool of his sweater. He considered that a hot drink might've been a better order. Maybe a cider.
Shifting his eyes at the sound of laughter, he saw a group of children tossing popcorn at a group of pigeons, who were cooing and fluttering their wings excitedly. The children's young faces were bright, open, and full of life. It brought a smile to Arima's face and he immediately felt a fond, spreading warmth take space in his chest.
A warmth which just as swiftly vanished at the sound of Minami's voice.
"This is the one," she declared, staring up at a tall tower.
Apparently she had decided against waiting for their food to settle after all.
I see, Arima thought. So that's how she plans to do this.
It was clever. But then, he could hardly expect any different from their own Lantern, could he?
Arima stepped up beside her and tilted his head back to see a group of people strapped horizontally and slowly ascending into the air. It moved higher and higher before suddenly pausing, suspended there as the passengers dangled their feet.
He heard the faint catch in Minami's breath before the ride released the passengers and they plummeted swiftly toward the ground, a chorus of screams following.
"Yeah!" Taishi clapped his hands together, "let's do it."
"Yes," the girl pumped a fist into the air before glancing sideways at him. "Arima-kun?"
He blinked down at her before nodding, "alright. I'm fine with it."
The excited holler from Taishi brought a smile to his face before he turned to follow the pair into another line.
It moved slowly, but Arima didn't mind. He absently listened to a discussion between his classmates about which were the very best carnival rides.
And despite wondering how many of Minami's opinions were truly genuine, there was something delightfully ordinary to the moment.
"Roller coasters are classic," Taishi stated confidently.
"No, the Ferris wheel is better and way more classic."
"It's boring."
"I like being able to savor things."
"Oh? Like you savored all that cotton candy you scarfed down just now?"
"You said to hurry!"
"There's hurrying and then there's what you did. I bet you 10 bucks you vomit it all up right after the ride, piglet."
Arima smirked a little at the turn in conversation but kept his mouth shut.
"Fine," she answered crossing her arms. "Right after or you lose."
"Sure, whatever."
They handed off their tickets and stepped up to sit on the ride, Arima sitting between Taishi and Minami. It admittedly made him uneasy whenever the two were too close. He had no idea when the girl might strike, but he was determined that it would be him she attacked.
"First thrill ride,buddy!" Taishi offered a thumbs up. "Don't get too scared while we're up there."
Arima only closed his eyes and smiled at the jab, giving his head a slight shake.
"First thrill ride, first taste of cotton candy," Minami voiced. "Did you have no fun at all before coming here, Arima-kun?"
His eyes opened and he glanced over to see her lean her head back against the seat, swinging her feet casually.
"No, not really."
She only offered a vaguely sympathetic look before the ride began to rise, the ground moving further away beneath them.
Arima shifted his eyes down at the lights as they drifted above them and all the people scattering about. The wind was more fierce up higher like this and it unrelentingly whipped through his hair and sweater.
Then they stopped, the moment before the plunge, and Arima steadied himself, breathing out easily. A breathy laugh escaped Minami and from his other side Taishi grinned widely.
Then they dropped and a brief, electric surge of adrenaline shot through his veins — a bodily response he was very familiar with. It dissolved as quickly as the sweet confection had on his tongue and he loosened the clenched muscles in his hands as he let go of the shoulder grips.
Taishi screamed loudly and Minami lifted her hands straight into the air as a wide smile crossed her face. Her hair flew widely around her, the ends striking out against his cheek.
Arima's eyes fell to the ground again as it swiftly drew closer and he breathed in, the icy chill in the air filling his lungs as a curious sensation of aliveness took him before the ride jerked to an abrupt stop and the sensation faded.
The shoulder harness released them a moment later and they rose to step off the ride, Taishi letting out an exhale and a laugh as they did. Arima looked to him and was met with his gleaming, mirthful gaze.
The sensation from a moment ago prodded at him, but he couldn't seem to grasp it again, though it seemed to elusively take up residence in the eyes of his friend. It seemed always a part of Taishi. The boy was brimming with liveliness.
A liveliness, it seemed, he was unable to draw into himself. It simply stared back at him, separate and beyond his reach.
Friend, huh? He marveled at the newness of that truth.
"Enjoy it?" Taishi asked.
"I did," Arima offered a smile. "I can see why so many people like these things."
The taller boy nodded before suddenly looking past him. At the very same time, Arima heard a soft choking sound, followed by a gasp and he also turned, though he already knew what he would see.
He passively watched as Minami caught their stares, eyes widening as her hand flew up to cover her mouth, her other clenched over her stomach.
Taishi crossed his arms and shook his head, "well, well, well…look at that. Seems I'm about to be 10 bucks richer."
Hunched and face growing paler, Minami sucked in a breath before darting off toward the nearest restroom.
They watched her a moment, before Taishi sighed and moved to follow. "Come on then, let's go wait for her."
Arima wordlessly followed, being sure to keep his expression neutral. He was a little concerned over Taishi's obvious attachment to the girl and he wondered if it was cruel of him to have withheld the truth.
Cruel or no, risking this assignment would be foolish.
He couldn't risk Taishi doing something reckless or giving anything away.
He heard the boy chuckle and met his eyes as he glanced back. "Sorry. Don't mean to laugh at her but," he shrugged, "told her so."
Arima sighed, closing his eyes somewhat dramatically. "She can be stubborn that way, can't she?"
Letting out a whistle, the other boy turned to lean against the concrete wall behind the restrooms. "You're tellin' me. Had no idea she'd turn out to be so bossy. It's always those sweet, unassuming types though, you know?"
Do I ever? Arima thought as he raised a brow before turning to lean against the wall beside him.
"Well she's an excellent strategist," Arima offered. "It's been very helpful having her around."
Taishi nodded. "We're getting closer, I can feel it."
Arima lowered his head and closed his eyes before sighing. "Yes."
They waited in silence for a little while before they heard the light footsteps from around the corner.
Minami stumbled over, visibly shaken as she lifted a hand and rested it on the wall beside Arima.
Glancing down at her, he watched as she attempted a weak smile.
"The cold air feels good," she said hoarsely before turning to lean back, face lifting upward as the wind tugged at the damp hair across her forehead.
She breathed out and lifted a hand behind her neck.
Arima glanced away and Taishi suddenly pushed himself forward, stepping past him toward the girl.
He patted her shoulder. "You okay?"
"Yes," she answered in a small voice. "I am now."
"Well, don't worry about the money. You can make it up to me some other time."
She giggled, "that's nice of you, Fura-kun."
He shrugged. "I have my moments." Then his eyes suddenly lit up. "Hey! How 'bout you do your Ferris wheel next? That one's pretty tame."
"Yeah, that does sound nice."
"Cool. Uhm…do you two mind me sitting this one out though?"
Arima immediately glanced over at that, brows furrowed in confusion.
"Why?" Minami voiced, lying a hand over his arm, believable concern taking her expression.
"Well…" Taishi trailed off, looking slightly embarrassed as he rubbed his neck awkwardly. "There's just some…sensitive memories it might bring up."
Ah, I see. Arima thought. This is about Aki.
"Oh," Minami answered, lowering her eyes. She then tightened her hand and, when she spoke again, her tone turned reassuring. "We don't have to go on it then! Not if it'll be hard for you."
"No, no," he waved his hands back and forth. "This isn't supposed to be about me. You go ahead. It's your favorite." He then looked past her to Arima. "You don't mind taking her, do you?"
Arima glanced to the ghoul a moment before shaking his head, "of course not. I'd be happy to."
"…thank you," she answered, nervous-sounding, eyes flitting up briefly before quickly shifting to the side.
A flash of lightning suddenly illuminated the sky followed by a low growl of thunder and Taishi hastily nudged Minami's shoulder. "You better get going. Storm's on its way. Wouldn't want you getting caught in the rain up there."
"Right," she answered, determined, before reaching back and grabbing Arima's hand. "Let's go!"
His eyes widened, shocked by her abruptness. "Wait-"
"No time for that," she darted forward, tugging him along.
"I'll meet you guys over by the Go-Karts!" Taishi called.
Arima sent him a brief glance, before looking to the girl who was weaving them through the crowd. Eyes shifting down, he moved to pull his hand back, but she held on with remarkable strength and he wasn't about to use his own strength on something so trivial.
That's twice now she's caught me off guard.
First with the cotton candy and now this. Was she testing him in some way? Seeing if she could catch him by surprise? If so, he had already revealed it was possible. Which could arguably work to his advantage if she felt she could take him on, yet he also had to make sure he saw it coming when the moment arrived.
She liked to use tactics he wasn't used to. Stepping into his personal space in ways he wasn't prepared for.
I have to start expecting it, he scolded himself. No more slip-ups.
"Almost there," Minami breathed, glancing back to him with an apologetic-looking expression. "Can't you go any faster, Arima-kun?"
He smiled slightly and moved to match her pace, though allowed her to continue taking the lead.
The sounds and scenery of the carnival muddled together, like something abstract as Arima kept up with the ghoul. The night air slammed into him with a savage chill, freezing his insides as he breathed it in.
Yet it wasn't such an unwelcome thing. It was strangely energizing. The single point of warmth was Minami's hand and she gripped him tighter as if feeling the same thing.
+.+.+.+.+.+
Round and round like a horse on a carousel we go.
Will I catch up to love? I could never tell.
I know chasing after you is like a fairytale,
But I feel like I'm glued on tight to this carousel...
Why did you steal my cotton candy heart?