Chapter 3

- Alicante, 2007 -

The time inside the training hall seemed to stand still. Amelia had her head still rested on Grayson's shoulder. As always when he was around, she felt safe and protected. Grayson had always been protective about his little sister, not just since the accident so many years ago, that had left the big scar on her skin. Amelia knew that he still felt responsible for what had happened then, not willing to accept that no one else was blaming him. Since that day, Grayson had made it his personal goal to make sure that nothing bad was going to happen to Amelia ever again. Instinctively she knew that in this very moment he would have done everything to make her feel better.

Amelia knew that if there were one person that would understand the feelings of guilt that were gnawing in her chest, it would be her brother. She closed her eyes and whispered, "Grayson, I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to give me an honest answer, okay?"

She felt Grayson nodding and asked, "Do you think it would have changed something if we had been at the Institute? If we had fought side by side with the others?"

Grayson's body tightened. He thought for a moment, before he took a deep breath and answered, "I think, if we had been there, we would have been killed or Turned as well. I think it wouldn't have changed anything, Sebastian Morgenstern was too strong. I think - no - I know that every Shadowhunter in the Institute has fought until the end." His voice got quiet. "They all were fighters, warriors, well-trained. But they didn't have a chance. I know that you think we could have helped them, but that's not true. I know how this thought hurts, but - we could not have saved them."

Amelia narrowed her eyes. Deep inside she knew that Grayson was right but that did not console her. She was wracked with guilt, a feeling that kept crawling through her body, clenching its icy fingers around her heart and leaving nothing but numbness. No matter what Grayson said, she felt guilty. Guilty for not being there that night, for not fighting with the others. She regretted it with all of her heart.

But nothing was as painful as the thought that she had not kissed Mark one last time in the library before leaving him. She regretted not having listened to her heart. Instead of thinking about what Grayson might think when he saw her kissing Mark, she should have just told Mark that she loved him so much. She should have told him that she loved him since the first moment she had seen him and that to her he was pure perfection and the most beautiful boy in every world she knew. She should have told him that even in hundred years she still would remember this first perfect kiss and that his lips had tasted like caramel - just like she would remember everything else about him for the rest of her life.

But none of this had been said, because Amelia had not wanted Grayson to hear it and now Mark would probably never know. She felt her throat tighten. Mark was gone and no one could tell if she would ever see him again. The thought that maybe he would never know how much he was loved almost broke her heart.

She swallowed. "I've got another question. Do you think that there is any chance that Mark will return to us?"

Again, Grayson was silent for some seconds. Amelia knew that he would always tell her the truth and usually she appreciated that, but now she was scared. She was afraid of what he might tell her, that he would speak out loudly what she not even dared to think - that Mark was lost forever and that they had to learn to live without him.

Grayson sighed. "Well, I think that the Clave was right about the fact that Mark cannot return easily."

With a jolt, Amelia lifted her head and Grayson looked at her. "Wait! I'm not done. We cannot change that fact that he has joined the Hunt and that there is no going back once you've stepped on that path. But I also do believe that Mark would have never done that out of his free will. Something must have happened to him, something that made him desperate enough to make this decision. He would never leave his siblings. Not at all." He grimaced. "What does out his free will mean anyway? They might have tricked or forced him, we don't know that." He paused for a while before he said, "I think we should not just wait. We should at least try to find a way to bring him back home, instead of finding excuses why we can't do that. That doesn't feel right."

Grayson looked at Amelia and said gently, "I think you're right. The Clave has made a wrong decision."

Amelia batted her eyelids in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

Without hesitating Grayson nodded and she whispered, "Then we should think about what to do to bring Mark back home."

The Institute was like a haunted house - empty and sad. Gideon Cross stood in the hall and looked around silently. His face was dark and looked older than a week ago. Amelia felt sorry for her father; she could imagine what was going on inside of him. Surely, he had to feel guilty too, because they had not been here to fight with the others. Alexandria stepped beside her husband and took his hand. Gideon turned his head to look at her and she whispered something Amelia could not understand. Gideon nodded and turned around. All the others were standing behind him, Amelia, Grayson, Julian and his siblings, as well as Emma and Arthur Blackthorn, Andrew's brother who was supposed to look after the children. They all stood in front of the staircase, where their friends and family members had died. No one was speaking, the silence was almost perceptible. The signs of the fight were still visible; there were scales of wood, broken glass and some small daggers lying around on the floor. Amelia wrapped her arms around her body. Although it was warm inside the Institute, she was shaking. Her gaze rested on some dark stains on the carpet. She knew that it was dried blood.

Grayson stepped beside her, put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her tight.

All of them remained silent for some minutes, thinking about the ones who had been fighting here, spilling their blood. Finally, Arthur cleared his throat. "I know it is not easy for you to return to this place, after all that has happened here. I suggest that we all go to our rooms. Tonight we will have a small ceremony to remember those we have lost." He looked at Julian and the others. "And to remind us that there are still loved ones that hopefully will return to us."

Livia took Ty's hand and pulled him up the stairs. Dru followed him, carrying little Tavvy in her arms. Julian and Emma stayed where there were. Like in a trance, Emma stared at the stairs, breathing heavily. Julian held her hand and Amelia noticed his fingers neatly brushing over Emma's skin. Emma nodded, closed her eyes and then shook her head. In some way, she seemed to answer questions that only she was able to hear. She and Julian communicated in a way that only they both were able to understand. Finally, they looked at each other and Emma whispered something before she turned around and ran up the stairs.

Amelia looked at Grayson. "I'll go to my room. Thanks for listening. And everything else." He smiled and she went past her parents, up the stairs. The corridor looked as usual. There were no traces of Sebastian's attack, only some pictures were torn off the walls and some doors had been broken. Obviously there had been nothing here Sebastian had wanted. Amelia went down the corridor and stopped in front one door.

It was Mark's room.

Carefully she reached out her hand. For some seconds she let her fingers rest on the warm wood, before she softly pushed the door open.

Never before she had been in Mark's room and somehow it felt wrong to be here, but she went into the room. His bed was unmade; there were some shirts and books on it. His small desk was covered with books, pens and sheets of paper. It looked as if Mark would return every minute. Amelia went to the bed, sat down on the edge and took a deep breath. Here, between all of his belongings, he was almost present. Amelia closed her eyes and tried to recall the day in the library, Mark's smile, his laughter and the way his lips had tasted.

The memory was both - beautiful and painful at the same time. Again she was wondering where he was now. Was he okay? Was he hurt? Or wounded? Was he thinking of his family? Was he thinking of her? Was he feeling alone? Or desperate? Amelia felt the tears burning behind her closed eyelids.

"What are you doing in here?"

Amelia opened her eyes, turned her head and looked at Julian who was standing in the doorway. "I was just … I mean… I wanted -" She paused and sighed deeply. "I don't know what I'm doing here."

Julian entered the room and stood beside the desk. Amelia watched him flipping through the papers, completely lost in his thoughts. Without looking at her he said, "I wanted to thank you."

"What for?" Amelia asked quietly and Julian turned his head toward her. "For what you said in Alicante. About my brother."

Amelia tried to blink the tears away. "You don't have to thank me for that, Jules. I just thought it had to be said. The way they spoke about Mark and Helen made me angry. As if they were no longer part of our … of your family. That just wasn't fair."

Julian crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Hearing that there is someone else not giving up on Mark felt good."

Amelia shook her head and whispered, "I could never give up on him."

Julian went to her and sat down beside her. "Is it because you like him? I mean, really like him?"

She held her breath for a second, before she gasped. "By the Angel - does everyone in this Institute know that?"

Julian smiled sadly and said, "I had assumed it. But I knew it when I heard you talking to Balogh." He narrowed his eyes. "I wished I had been brave enough to tell him that he was wrong. I wished you would have strangled him for that."

"Me too." Amelia shrugged. "But that would have gotten us into trouble."

They both remained silent for some seconds until Julian cleared his throat. "I don't know how to manage this, Amy."

She lifted her head and looked at the boy. He was staring at his hands, every muscle in his small face tightened. His voice was so low that Amelia could hardly understand him.

"We are all alone now. I'm the eldest, so I am responsible for the others. But I don't know if I can do that. If I -"

"You are not alone, Jules," Amelia interrupted him. "You have Arthur; you have my parents, Grayson and me. And you have Emma. We always will be there for you - for all of you. And Helen is not gone forever. She will be back as soon as possible. And Mark - " She paused, not knowing what to say. Julian looked at her, his eyes wide and pleading. Amelia knew that he needed to hear that his older brother would return to them, that Mark would not leave them alone - even if it was not the truth. It was what Julian wanted to hear so badly. Amelia tried to sound confident. "We know that he is alive. And as long as he is, we can try to bring him back home."

"Do you really think we could do that? Without the Clave? Do you think we'd have a chance?"

"I don't know," Amelia had to admit. "But I know that I cannot sit here and wait patiently for others to maybe do something."

A little smile of hope flickered across his face. "I can help. Let me help you."

Amelia hesitated. Julian was only twelve years old; he had only been training for two years. But he had already been in a battle; he had already proved that he was brave. She was not willing to tell him that he could not help her, so Amelia nodded. "You can tell Emma, but not the others. They're too small."

"Okay. I'll tell her right away, we should not loose anymore time." Julian stood up and took one step toward the door. Amelia grabbed his arm. "Wait. There's something I should give to you."

He stopped and she took the katana, which had been lying beside her. "It's Mark's. He gave it to me so that I could practice. But now … Well, I guess I should return it to you."

Julian stared at the sword in Amelia's hands, took a deep breath and shook his head. "Keep it. Keep it until you can give it back to Mark. If he wanted you to have it, you should have it. Take good care of it."

Amelia hesitated before she put the katana back on the bed. Julian smiled, turned around and left the room.

For some minutes, Amelia remained sitting on the bed, before she stood up. Her gaze fell on the shirts that were lying between the sheets. Carefully she reached out her hand, took one of them and let her fingers run across the fabric. Then she lifted the shirt to her face and gently inhaled the smell. It smelled like Mark. Amelia closed her eyes and for a brief moment, it felt as if she was holding him in her arms. She sighed, took the sword and the shirt and left the room.

"What do you mean, you don't have a plan?" Emma stood in Amelia's room, in front of the closed door, her hands on her hips. "How are we supposed to do something when there's not even a plan?"

"Which is exactly why we are here," Grayson said. He was sitting on Amelia's bed, his back leaned against the wall behind him and his long legs stretched across the sheets. "To work something out. And four brains are smarter than two."

They all were still dressed in the white mourning gowns. After the ceremony, they had not wanted to waste any time changing clothes.

Emma looked at Grayson. "So, what are we waiting for?"

Julian, who was sitting on the chair in front of the desk, asked, "Does anyone have any ideas?"

Amelia went to the bed and sat down beside her brother. "Well, maybe we should concentrate on the facts first. What do we know?"

Emma sighed. "Fact is Mark's with the faeriess."

"Fact is he's still alive," Julian added and everyone looked at him. Amelia nodded. "And fact is he is still a Shadowhunter. He warned us."

"But fact is as well that we don't have the smallest clue where exactly he is," Grayson said. "What might make finding him a little complicated."

"That's not true." Amelia shook her head. "We know he's in Faerie, so maybe the Seelie Court could help us. Maybe they know where he is, or how to find the Wild Hunt."

Emma grimaced. "I don't think that Shadowhunters are welcome there at the moment. The Court is pretty pissed about the Clave's decision."

"But at least we know where to start the search." Amelia was not willing to accept that the only hope they had to find Mark was so thin and fragile. She looked at Emma's face, in which her doubts were clearly visible. But then the girl's face softened and she nodded. "You're right. We have to try."

"You seem to forget that finding Mark is not our biggest problem."

All eyes turned to Julian. He took a deep breath before he spoke. "Finding him is just the easy part of the plan. The problem is we cannot take him home. Not without the permission of the Wild Hunt."

"Right." Grayson frowned. "We have to find a way to make the Hunt release Mark."

"Is that even possible?" Emma asked. Her voice sounded hopeless and thin. "I mean, has that ever happened before? Have they ever let a Hunter go?"

"I don't know." Amelia raised her hand, rubbed her eyes and said, "Maybe we should find that out first. None of us does know anything about the Hunt and their laws or rules - whatever. We need to find information first."

For some minutes it was completely silent in the room; everyone seemed to be totally caught up in his own thoughts. It was Grayson who spoke first. "Okay. We all do agree that we are going to try to bring Mark back. But I want you to remember that it's very important that you won't tell anyone about our plan." He looked at Julian. "Especially not to your brothers and sisters, Jules. I know, it's hard, but they are too young."

Julian nodded silently and Grayson stood up. "Good. So, here's the plan. Everyone tries to find out as much as possible about the Wild Hunt. There must be books or documents - anything that might help us. Search through the library, the Internet - whatever. Everything you find can be helpful. We'll meet tomorrow evening and take a look at the results."

Julian lifted his body from the chair. "Okay. I'll go to the library. See you tomorrow." He went to the door, opened it and left the room. Emma hesitated and turned to Amelia. "Thank you for caring about Mark. It's good for Jules to know that there are others caring. And thanks for letting him help you. That means a lot to him."

Amelia smiled and Emma left the room, closing the door behind her. Grayson waited some seconds, before he turned to his sister and asked, "Do you still think it's a good idea?"

"I never said it was, " she countered. "I suppose it's the most stupid idea I've ever had. But that won't stop me."

"I know." Grayson smiled and Amelia grimaced. "There's no chance we can deal with this on our own, Grayson. That is too big for us."

His smile was gone as quickly as it had appeared. "I know. We're going to need help. But I've no idea who to ask."

Amelia thought about it. "We need someone who is not going to talk us out of it. Someone who understands why we have to do this." Suddenly she froze. Her heart was beating loudly as she turned to Grayson. "And I know who this might be."