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Chapter 21

2008

A week had gone since Robin came back and Regina was trying her very best to pretend everything was alright.

But it wasn't.

And her heart broke even more each day.

She was cuddled on the couch with a cup of coffee, looking at her boyfriend who was standing so far away from her.

Robin was so very distant.

So very distant.

"You don't want to come near me?" she asked in a small voice and he jumped, looked at her and she saw tenderness in his eyes, along with a very sad smile.

"I'm tired, Regina. I think I'll just go to sleep."

He got up, kissed her hair softly and then left.

And Regina cried.

Because she was doing everything that she could to make him come back to her.

She had tried cooking.

Had tried surprising him at Uni, but he had kissed her cheek saying he had to go.

She had tried to make him date at home, but he had faked a headache.

She was afraid more than words could say.

Her perfect life was falling apart.

And she didn't know what to do to stop it.

He had not kissed her on the lips once in 7 days,

Had not touched her at all.

He had not even answered to her I love yous.

He was so closed off lately and always seemed so sad…

She couldn't for the life of her understand why.

The only thing that came to her mind was that he was this way since Marian came back and he saw her.

Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.

Robin knew she was crying and it was breaking his heart.

Because he noticed everything.

Of course he did.

But no matter how much he loved her and how much he wanted things to go back to what they were before,

He couldn't.

Because he lost a child,

His child.

And he still didn't know what to do with this knowledge.

So lately, he had taken to go back to Church.

It helped imagining his baby daughter there, as an angel gone too soon.

Because in his mind she was always happy.

And it brought him peace to think about that.

Marian helped, too.

They talked a lot about their daughter and how to make her live forever.

He knew how.

He had promised Marian he would make it right by their daughter.

And he would.

They were bound by that child after all, and he couldn't forsake that.

Not even for his Regina.

2015

It had been a week.

A week since Marian came to her place and this was still all that Regina could think about.

And why that?

She hated that woman.

She hated her.

(Yes, but it turned out that she loved Robin way much than she hated Marian.)

She groaned loudly and buried her face in her hands, trying to force her mind to think about something else.

Robin was really leaving to England.

He was leaving her.

Again.

But this time she was well aware it was completely her fault.

She had asked him to leave,

Had practicality giving him the idea to move far away from where she was.

But he had broken her more than words could explain and letting him back in completely was out of her reach.

Forever.

For now.

She didn't know anymore.

Because she wanted to let him in.

So much.

But her mind and heart were assaulting her with past feelings of past mistakes and she was confused.

"Are you alright?"

Regina jumped and removed her head from her hands, finding Mal in front of her, looking very worried suddenly and she sighed deeply.

"I don't know."

Madelyn sighed too, and then walked to sit in front of her.

"It's Robin again, isn't it?"

"Have you known anyone else who could put me in such a state?" she chuckled darkly but her friend didn't and that stopped her.

"No. And that's my point precisely."

"Madelyn..."

"No, listen to me."

"I know what you're going to say."

"Then listen again."

Their eyes locked,

"I understand why you can't forgive him."

"But?"Regina said in a small voice.

There was always a but.

"But I do think you'll regret if you just let him walk straight out of your life."

A silence.

"Yeah, I know that." she admitted,

"But how can I trust him again, Mal? How? After everything that happened… How can I trust in his feelings for me again?"

Madelyn sighed and got up, ready to leave.

"I believe this is a question you would have to ask Robin directly."

Regina froze.

Robin was upset.

He had talked to Roland about moving back to England, thinking his son would be ecstatic to move to another country.

Well,

So much for his plan.

Roland – who wasn't one to throw tantrums, had shouted and screamed, and cried.

It was awful.

But Robin should have seen it coming, this was his son's home.

He had never known anything else.

Marian and Keith had agreed to the move, both quite happy to move back closer to their respective families.

But it upset Robin to move his child against his will.

Marian had told him that Roland would get used to it, he was only 5 and if they wanted to move it was now or never. She told him they were his parents, bound to take decisions he wouldn't agree was only the beginning.

He guessed she kind of had a point there.

But still.

And then, so gently, she had told him this wasn't the issue.

The issue was that he was desperately holding on to anything that would allow him to stay longer so that Regina would have time to change his mind.

He had said it wasn't true but knew she was actually right.

And that was the reason why he really had to go.

Because as long as he would be here, he would always hope for her to come back to him.

And he certainly couldn't live like that.

Regina was in front of Robin's place, in her car.

They had to talk and she knew it.

But she didn't really want to.

God, she was so much of a coward.

She wanted to be with him, but couldn't find the strength to trust him.

She desperately wanted him to stay, but him gone would be easier to pretend she could move on.

She wanted to kiss him so, so badly but was afraid she wouldn't ever stop.

There was no answer to their situation.

It was hopeless.

Regina started her car again and was about to leave and run away, when her phone buzzed.

MD: For once in your life Regina, please take a chance. Take a risk. Take a deep breath and jump. If you do not do this for yourself, then I beg you, do it for me.

Regina sighed.

"Shit." she breathed.

Damn her best friend for knowing her so well.

She couldn't back down, now.

It was their very last chance to figure it out.

And that prospect frightened her far more than anything else.

She took another deep breath and finally left her car.

Robin was packing.

Well, he was supposed to be packing, at least.

Instead, he was enjoying a whiskey at 2pm all the while thinking again and again about all the wrong decisions he had taken in his life.

And that was an awful lot.

Then, someone knocked at his door.

He frowned.

Regina was fidgeting.

This wasn't a good idea.

Oh God.

Oh God!

It wasn't too late to leave.

She had to go back.

She had to leave and never return before-

The door opened.

Robin's heart stopped when he saw Regina.

"Can I come in?" she asked shyly and God, she was beautiful. "I think we should talk."

He was too stunned to say anything, so he just nodded and let her in.

She came in and he was just behind her and things couldn't get more awkward.

They didn't know what to say, yet their eyes said it all.

"Do you want something to drink?"

She nodded and then smiled towards his almost empty glass of whiskey,

"You certainly did."

"Ah." he chuckled slightly and her heart missed a beat. "Yes, I have a lot to think about."

She smiled.

Did she know her smile lit up the whole room?

And then she took a deep breath,

"Are you really going back to England?"

He froze and the tension in the room could be cut with a knife.

"How did you..." he trailed off, eyes wide.

"Marian told me."

"What?"

Okay, and that made even less sense.

She chuckled at how surprised he looked.

"Yes, that was my reaction when she came to my place to talk about the fact that I shouldn't give up on you."

Robin looked down a few seconds.

"I did not ask her to do that."

"I figured out as much."

Robin's heart was knocking so hard on his chest, it almost hurt.

"You want to know what I think?" she asked and he smiled sadly,

"About not giving up?"

"About everything."

Another silence.

"Tell me."

She took a deep breath and a step closer to him and that was a good sign, right?

But her eyes…

She looked so torn.

And that broke his heart all over again.

"I want to be with you, Robin. Desperately so. But I think you already know that."

He didn't.

But it warmed his heart like nothing before.

"Really?" he breathed shakily and she stopped, eyes wide.

"You didn't know?"

He shook his head and bit his lip for a second, trying to get his feelings his check.

"I genuinely thought you didn't want me."

And his charming accent was stronger suddenly. A tale-tell sign he was genuinely upset.

Regina's heart broke.

A silence.

He saw a tear rolling down her cheek.

"This was never a matter of how I feel about you." she admitted shyly and he felt his heart roar in his chest.

"Then what is it, Regina?"

She bit her own lip and his eyes got lost on it before he shook his head and looked back into her eyes.

She looked scared.

So scared.

So much suddenly like the young woman he had broken the heart of…

And that was enough to make his heart drop several stages in his chest.

"I don't know how to trust you." she admitted finally. "I need to know why I can trust you, Robin."

Robin's eyes widened.

"Are you asking me?"

"Yes." she breathed, "Yes, I am. I need to know why I can trust you. I want to. So much. But I can't until you give me good reasons to. Even only one. I need a reason, Robin. A reason to give you my heart again."

He took a deep breath.

This was a very important moment in their relationship…

He could give her a reason to stay.

And really, this was all he had been begging her to leave him from the very start.

"There are a million reasons why you should trust me, Regina. First, I am not the boy I used to be, I am a grown man with real responsibility."

"I know." she admitted. "But-"

"You'll have to let me speak for it to work, my love." and the endearment had left his mouth so easily that both of them blushed.

But she nodded and he kept talking, "I've grieved my daughter, Regina." he said softly and her eyes were sad for him suddenly, she opened the mouth then closed it. "It was an awful thing to do, a terribly long process I'm afraid, but I got help from a therapist and did it. It still hurt to think about it, but it doesn't destroy my world anymore. This was what tore us apart in the first place, the fact that I couldn't deal with the pain-"

"Robin," she couldn't help but cut him. "That I understand, now. You lost your daughter and-"

"And then I lost you. I made bad decisions after bad decisions instead of getting help right away. I thought Marian could help me get through this because we had gone through the same thing. But is was worst, we made each others pain increase tenfold."

She closed her mouth.

He took another step closer to her.

Slowly, Not to scare her.

"I am well aware of my mistakes and I own up to it, Regina. I know it cost me the love of my entire life."

"I'm still there." she breathed weakly and he smiled, took another step closer.

"And I don't know what I did to deserve you." he breathed, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. "I have been so miserable without you, Regina. So, so, so miserable."

"Me too..."

"I know." Their eyes locked. "And that's another reason, the fact that after all this time we still work together. It can't be explained. We need each other." She smiled shyly and then he added, "Trust me Regina, because we're here now and this is true." Another tear rolled down her cheeks and he took another step to her. They were almost touching and she was yet to take a step back. "Trust me, because this is all about timing my love. And I truly believe our time to be happy has finally come."

She looked up and he could see the walls falling... So he walked the last step to her and her eyes widened at how close he was, but he didn't care.

Robin took her hands and laid it on his beating heart, he saw the blush on her cheeks and wasn't even ashamed of the erratic rhythm behind her palms.

"Trust in this, Regina. Trust in the beating of my heart, for you. Only for you. As it has always been and as it shall always be. I love you. Forever."

And then tears were rolling down her cheeks freely.

Robin's eyes widened in horror and he let go of her hands,

"Please don't cry. I did not mean to hurt you, I-"

"No." she cut him and wiped her eyes, smiling and he frowned slightly.

"No, Robin. I-" she tried to speak but a sob took her and she sniffled, "These are not tears of sadness." their eyes locked, "Not this time."

He opened the mouth to speak again, but no words came.

What did she mean?

Could she…

Regina was at loss for words.

Mal's words were dancing in her mind.

Take a chance.

Take a risk.

Take a deep breath and jump.

So she did.

She walked the step separated them and grabbed the lapel of his sweatshirt, kissing him passionately.

Robin kissed back deeply,

He couldn't believe it.

They finally receded, out of breath and hands stroking as much of each other as they could get their hands on.

Robin was holding her so close to him, afraid she would leave again.

"We did things backwards." she whispered and it felt it tingle against his lips, kissed her again for good measure and she kissed back.

It felt so right, being in his arms like this.

She could feel something in her had let go of the past.

It had to be the beating of his heart against her hands earlier…

His heart couldn't lie.

And she knew it as much as she knew her own.

Perhaps even more.

She just needed to be reminded of that.

"What do you mean?" he breathed, nuzzling her nose.

"I want to try this again. For real, this time."

"So do I!" he cut her and she chuckled, tighten her hold on his jacket to bring him closer to her and he complied happily.

"Robin, this will not be easy. You'll have to prove yourself and I can't tell you how long that will take. I want to trust you and I think I can, now. But I'll need time not to screw this up."

She waited for his words anxiously and when he receded slightly, he seemed so happy she chuckled.

"I don't care, Regina. I'll wait. I am a very patient man."

She laughed again and cupped his cheek, stroking the stubble there and her heart missed a beat when he leant on her hand.

"Can we take this slow, then?"

He turned his head and kissed her hand tenderly.

"Absolutely." then he said, "Can I ask you out on a date? A drink with me during the week, is that taking it slow enough?"

She smiled brightly.

"This is perfect."

They got lost in each others eyes and looked like absolute lovesick fools.

But they didn't care,

Because for the first time in almost a decade…

They both had real hope.

2008

"You know you'll have to talk to me at one point, right?" she said and he froze.

"Regina..."

"You can't avoid me forever."

"That's not what I'm doing."

"Are you serious right now?"

Robin took a deep breath and his heart broke.

No.

Not tonight.

He couldn't do this tonight.

He… He wasn't ready.

He couldn't leave her.

Not tonight.

Oh God, no.

He wasn't ready.

"I have to go." he breathed, took his stuff and she heard the door opened and then closed softly.

She crumbled down.

She was devastated.

And then…

Then,

Then she did something she didn't know she needed to.

Mal had found Marian's hotel – she had not wanted to know how.

But she had it.

And she knew what she had to do.

In front of the door, Regina hesitated.

Could she really do that?

But then she thought about Robin and took a deep breath, trying to be brave.

And then she knocked.

The door opened.

The young woman's eyes widened and Regina's heart broke in front of how pretty she actually was.

And how could she compete with that?

"Marian?" she asked but her voice broke and then something seemed to click in the eyes of other woman.

"You're Regina, aren't you?"

She nodded and cleared her throat.

"We have to talk about Robin."

Marian smiled sadly and then showed her to come inside,

"Come in, please."

A/N: So? I can't wait to see what you think of this chapter because this is a real turning point in the story, in both period .. ;) Love you all !