Chapter 25:
2008 – months later
Regina was on her flat, looking at her degree.
She had done it.
Had even got an offer to work in a big company in New York with Mal.
It was everything she had always dreamt of.
A sob escaped her.
No it was not.
She always thought Robin would be there.
She had thought they would be married.
She had thought...
Even thinking about him was twisting her heart so hard in her chest she shivered.
Robin.
She tried to get her breath back.
But the truth?
Since he was gone,
She had not been able to breath correctly.
Robin was graduating.
He had done it.
Had even received a very good offer.
But yet…
All he could think about was Regina.
She was all he had been able to think about for the past six months.
There were two things preventing him from running back to her in apologizing:
1st and most important – he couldn't do that to his daughter. He owed it to her to make it work with Marian. And it still shattered his heart to think about his precious girl.
He had let Marian go without trying to fight for her once before.
And his daughter had died.
He couldn't do it again.
He couldn't.
2nd – Regina wouldn't take him back. He knew he at least well enough to know that.
And why would she?
He had been so awful to her.
He buried his face in his hands and tried to catch his breath.
He didn't understand why, but he had trouble breathing lately.
He took another deep breath.
Or at least tried to.
His lungs just weren't functionning as of late.
And then the door opened and he looked up, Marian was there.
She looked as tired as he was.
"This isn't working." she only said and he tried to tell her she was wrong but he couldn't.
It was a fact.
This wasn't working.
"I know." he said sadly.
"And I think you know why." she said and he did, he knew why.
Because he couldn't let go of Regina.
He loved her.
And he was having a hard time letting that go.
"I do."
"This has to stop, Robin." she said, sitting by his sides. "You made your choice."
"I know."
Another silence and she took his hand, squeezed it.
"Marry me."
His eyes widened and he jumped, looking at her.
"What?!"
What?!
WHAT?!
"Marry me, Robin." she said, tears shining in her brown eyes. "Let's get this a real chance. Marry me."
His thoughts were frantic.
Marry her?
But…
He wanted to marry Regina.
That was the plan!
But Regina was gone.
She was gone.
It was over.
And he owed it to his baby girl…
But marrying someone else?
He shook his head.
This was his life now.
He had to commit.
He had been ready to commit to Regina, hadn't he?
He shook his head again.
STOP IT WITH REGINA!
"Robin?"
He jumped and Marian was looking at him with wide and scared eyes.
"Yeah?"
"You're shaking your head a lot and muttering. Truth be told, I'm scared. Are you alright?"
"Yes." he breathed and it broke the rest of his heart to do that.
"Yes, what?" she frowned.
"Yes, I'll marry you." his voice broke and a smile lit up her face.
But he couldn't smile back.
"Really?"
"Really. But no ceremony and no party. You and I in City Hall with two witnesses. That's all."
He had pictured his wedding to Regina.
He couldn't live that with anyone else.
Marian seemed disappointed and thrown off,
"But…" she tried, "You only get married once and I always-"
"No ceremony, no party. We're doing this for our daughter, right?"
She sighed deeply.
He squeezed her hand and she nodded, smiling sadly.
"Okay. Anything you want."
He nodded.
Anything he wanted?
He shook his head.
It was too late for that, wasn't it?
(He just wanted to breath again, truth be told.)
"Hey Mal." came a voice behind her and she froze, and turned around.
It was John.
Regina had told her he had been nice to her, so she would behave.
"Hi." she said, trying a smile.
And then she noticed.
He was fidgeting.
"What is it?" she asked and he sighed deeply, closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair.
"I wish I didn't have to be the one to tell you this."
"Tell me what?"
"I just don't want Regina to learn it from anyone else but you."
Her blood froze in her veins, then boiled.
It hurt.
"What?" she said again, colder.
"Robin and Marian are getting married. On tuesday, at the City Hall. I'm Robin's witness."
Madelyn's eyes widened.
Her heart stopped.
And all she could think about was Regina and how devastated she was…
What…
The…
Hell…
"I am truly sorry." only whispered John and then he was gone.
And she hated him to have told her that.
Because now,
It would be her job to break the news to Regina.
A news that might kill her.
2019 – months later, after New Year.
Robin and Regina had been together for almost 6 months, now.
And they couldn't be happier.
They had spent New Year together, with Roland of course ( it was Marian's turn to have him on Christmas and Robin's to have him on New Year) and it had been perfect.
A perfect way to start off 2019.
Robin smiled at the thought.
"What are you smiling about, over there?" came a voice and he chuckled, looked up to find her facing him on the couch on her laptop, working.
He smiled again.
"Nothing."
"You're smiling over nothing?"
He hummed and she rolled her eyes fondly.
"I wonder why I ever bother with you." she muttered but he heard her, laughed and saw her proud smile.
"I'm too charming for my own good." he said and she rolled her eyes again.
"Too obnoxious, if you ask me."
He laughed again.
And God he loved that.
Loved how comfortable they were together.
Loved that she was here after work, ready to spend yet another night at his place, with his son and himself.
Loved that everything was so simple between them.
Loved that she was wearing his necklace.
Loved her.
He loved her.
But that was yet another step to take.
They both knew they loved each other, but they had not told it yet.
Well,
Robin had not told it again after his big speech the day they had gotten back together.
And Regina had just not told it yet.
But it was okay.
He had time.
And she was showing him her feelings everyday,
It was enough.
He smiled again.
She shook her head, closed her laptop and walked to him before settling on his lap and he smirked, his hands on her waist as her cupped his cheeks.
"You are annoyingly handsome, I'll give you that." she murmured, leaning in. "It's distracting me."
He smirked and brought her closer to him,
"Now you feel what I feel every bloody time you're in the same room."
She hummed,
"Must be difficult."
She leant closer,
"Awful, really." he whispered before he caved in and one of his hands tangled in her hair to close the space between them in a kiss.
A lot later, after they had thoroughly enjoyed each other, Regina was snuggled against Robin's naked chest and his mind wandered again.
It wandered a lot lately.
He thought about the future, a lot.
Marian's wedding was fast approaching, 4 more months to go and he remembered the night he had asked Regina to come as his date.
"I can see you want to say something." she said from over her book and he chuckled, walked to her and sat by her side on her couch, kissing her hair tenderly and she hummed happily before leaning against him, still reading her book.
"I do."
"Talk, then." she changed the page of her book and he was crushed by a wave of affection at the simple gesture.
And it was a whole other kind of breathless.
He was addicted to this kind.
He was addicted to her.
He swallowed.
This could either go very well or very wrong.
"You know Marian is getting married again, to Keith?" she froze a few seconds. "Well, it's not really important but Roland will be here, and I will-"
"Yes." she only said and he felt her relax in his hold, but he frowned.
"Yes, what?"
She sighed loudly and closed her book, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes, I will be your date to Marian's wedding." his eyes widened. "Wasn't it what you wanted to ask me?"
A moment of silence.
"It was. How did you-"
"I know you too well, I guess." she shrugged and opened her book again as if nothing important had happened.
Okay.
Now he was lost.
"Are you okay with it?"
She shrugged again, still reading.
"I think so. I wouldn't have agreed otherwise, would I?"
"I guess not." he admitted, "But Regina, you don't have to-"
She cut him, closing her book again and looking right at him, blue eyes locked onto brown.
"Robin. Listen to me and listen to me well. I'm all in. Our relationship, I mean. That's why it took time, that's why we're still taking things slow. But this? This I am sure of. Marian is still your friend, she is still Roland's mother and I won't lie to you and tell you she will be my friend, but I want to be there for you when it matters. And I can see that it does. So yes, I am sure."
He wanted to tell her.
He wanted to tell her how much he actually loved her.
But he had promised himself he would let her be the first to say it.
So he only leant in and stole her breath away, hoping she would get the message.
But the dazzled smile he got in return,
She did.
"I am so happy." she cut the silence and he couldn't help his heart to miss a beat as he brought her closer to him.
"I am so happy, too." he kissed her head and she snuggled closer against him.
God, he wanted that.
Forever.
He wondered if she thought about it all, too.
A wedding, a real one this time.
Kids…
Why not?
He wanted all and he wanted it with her.
And God,
It was getting harder and harder not to just blurt it all to her.
"Something is bothering you." she finally said one day, a week later when they are dining together.
Roland was with Marian for her week.
"What?" he frowned, taking her hand and kissing it lovingly. "I don't see why."
She smiled fondly, tilted her head.
"Robin, please. Give me some credit, here."
He chuckled at that.
"Nothing is bothering, my love." and then he took a deep breath, "I'm thinking, there is a difference."
She raised an eyebrow,
"You look like you're in pain… Is it that hard to think? You do know it comes naturally to most of us..."
He laughed again and took a piece of bread, throwing it at her and she laughed happily, dodging it.
"You little…"
"I'm just saying!" she defended herself, still laughing.
God, he loved their life.
"I'm so very happy, Regina." she smiled at that, brown eyes sparkling. "With you and Roland."
"I know." she whispered. "But I also know you're not telling me everything."
He sighed.
"It's nothing to worry about, really."
"Tell me." she said, taking his hand and she kissed it tenderly, brown eyes locked onto blue. "Please."
And how was he supposed to say no to her?
"You're really not playing fair." she chuckled and smiled brightly,
"I know. Never said I would."
He squeezed her hand.
"Fine. You won. But if we're doing this, I'm taking another glass of wine. Want some?"
She nodded and he noticed she didn't even look afraid of what was to come.
Had she forgiven him that much?
So he poured wine in two glasses and let one in front of her.
"So?" she asked,
"Right." He didn't even know why he was so anxious. "I've just been thinking about you and me, and Roland."
"And? Good thoughts?"
He took her hand again,
"Very, very good thoughts."
She beamed.
"Good."
Robin took a deep breath.
"Actually…" And now that he had started, he wanted to tell her.
"Yes?"
"Actually, I've been thinking a lot about our future." She frowned slightly, "I want us three to be a real family. I want to marry you, Regina." her eyes widened, "I want to marry you and I want to have kids with you. I want the whole package. With you. Forever."
A silence.
Regina couldn't breath.
She couldn't.
And of course she had been thinking about it.
But…
Oh God.
Why couldn't she breath?
She was having a panic attack.
Oh God.
Oh God.
She heard Robin calling her but…
She couldn't breath.
She couldn't breath!
She needed air.
Outside.
Now.
So she got up and ran out of the flat.
She had to breath.
She couldn't breath.
And Robin was left behind, breathless too.
What had just happened?
Zelena took a deep breath as she came home.
She was losing her mind.
She really was.
How else could someone explain that she had spent the day and beginning of the night spying on Robin and Regina?
She opened the door and froze when she saw light on the living room.
And then she froze again.
Walsh was there, with a cup of tea and he smiled sadly when he saw her.
"What-" she started but he cut her.
"I know." he only said and she froze.
Being outside had helped.
At least now she could breath.
But now that her mind wasn't so foggy anymore…
What was wrong with her?
She had panicked, that much was for sure.
But why?
All she had wanted for more than a decade was for those words Robin had just told her.
And maybe that was it.
She couldn't quite believe it was happening.
She groaned and buried her face into her hands.
They were so very happy…
And she wanted all of that, too.
More than anything else in the world.
For the first time in forever, she felt hopeful for the year ahead of her.
For the first time in forever, she felt like she was breathing again.
So why did she run?
Why did she panic?
Because it was way too much too soon.
Too soon?
They had been dating for six months.
Too much?
She was crazy about him.
So what?
Regina took a deep breath as something inside of her clicked.
She turned around and came back in.
"Zel…" he started as she sat by his side, scratching her arm.
He would leave.
Of course he would.
And then she would have lost everything.
She scratched again.
He took her arm tenderly and looked at it, before their eyes met.
He didn't look disgusted.
Why didn't he look disgusted?
"You can leave, now." she tried to sound sure of herself.
He frowned.
"Why would I leave?"
And that thrown her.
"But…"
He took her hand and squeezed it.
"Zelena… I married you for better and for worst." he smiled lovingly, "If that is your worst? Then so be it. I am ready to take on the challenge."
Her eyes widened.
"What?"
"I'll help you move past that jealousy problem you have."
A tear rolled down her cheek.
"Really?"
He leant in and kissed her forehead.
"Really. I love you and I refuse to lose you."
Her head was spinning.
"I love you." was all she could murmur and he smiled brightly.
And she really believed…
That with his love to support her, she would make it.
Robin was still unable to move.
She had left.
What the hell did that mean?
And why the hell did he tell her that while they were doing so great!
Was he stupid!?
And why couldn't he take a simple breath in?
And then the door opened and closed.
He was up in a second.
She came in and looked so very resolute.
(So very beautiful.)
"I am so sorry." he said and walked to her but didn't dare touch her. "I should never have pressured you like that and-"
"Shut up, Robin." she only said and he froze.
There was something in her eyes…
He couldn't read her suddenly.
"Okay…" he said hesitantly and then she smiled lovingly, walked to him and cupped his cheeks studying him closely. "Regina…"
"I want all of that, too."
He stopped.
And he must have made quite a face because she laughed suddenly.
And it was such a happy sound.
Okay,
Now he wasn't sure he was still breathing.
"You do?" was all he could ask.
She smiled.
And nodded.
And then she took a deep breath.
She reached for something around her neck, a chain that was there right next to the necklace he had given her that she never removed.
And he had wondered about that chain…
She always wore it but removed it on night and put it on on the morning.
He had never seen what it was.
But he never pushed.
So when she finally removed it from her neck, he gasped.
There was a ring on the end of it.
His ring.
The ring he had bought her but never had the chance to give.
His eyes shot to hers and she blushed.
"I didn't want to look stupid…"
"Regina." his voice broke.
"But I always wear it, right next to your gift." she looked down a few seconds and then up, "It's a way to link our love. From past to present. A way to show that I want us now but what we had, it's real and it's ours as well. All of it. Bad, but good also."
Tears pricked at the back of his eyes.
It was very hard not to tell her how much he loved her, right now.
Then she took his hand and laid the ring inside,
"I don't understand." he asked, lost suddenly.
"Of course you don't." she chuckled fondly. "I'm giving you this Robin because when the time is right, and only when the time is right…" his heart started beating so fast in his chest. Was she… "I want you to propose. But only with this ring will I consider saying yes…"
And he saw it.
The teasing light in his eyes.
Shining eyes.
She looked about to cry.
And he was, too.
This…
This was an official step forward in their relationship.
"Oh Regina…" was all he could whisper and then he brought her closer to him and kissed her again and again and again.
He wanted to tell her.
He really wanted to…
"I love you." she breathed almost shyly against his lips and he froze.
And receded.
Wide blue eyes met brown.
She seemed so happy and so sure of herself.
A tear rolled down his cheek and he wouldn't have noticed it if she had not wiped it, chuckling tearfully herself.
"Oh God." his voice broke, "I love you too. So much."
"I know." she whispered as if she didn't trust herself to speak.
And then he stole her breath again, kissing her like she was his oxygen.
And maybe that was what love was about in the end,
If you ever were lucky enought to find your person...
You could finally breath for good.
-2008
Regina was home.
Still thinking about Robin.
They had been broken up for about 6 months now and she had never been so miserable…
How was he?
Was he still thinking about her?
Was he happy with Marian?
A tear escaped her eye.
God, she missed him so much.
She couldn't breath, at times.
(Most of the time, really. She was starting to wonder if he was her oxygen.)
And then someone rang and she got up with the foolish hope that Robin would be there, begging her to take him back.
(She would.)
But instead it was Madelyn and she was so pale, Regina knew something was wrong.
"What is it?"
Mal opened then closed the mouth.
"I've thought a lot about this. I'm still not sure I'm make the right choice."
"What?"
"But you need to hear it from me."
"Mal…"
Madelyn took a deep breath.
"This will hurt like nothing before and I apologize but I need to do it."
"Madelyn…"
"Robin is getting married to Marian on tuesday."
…
Regina thought a bullet would have hurt less.
It was hot, wasn't it?
And…
And why couldn't she breath?
She couldn't breath.
God,
She couldn't breath!
She tried but air wouldn't want to come in her lungs…
Couldn't get out of it either.
What was happening to her?
She never had had a panic attack before…
Was it what it was?
Or was her heart breaking for real?
She barely heard Madelyn calling her name…
And then it was like her heart shrinked and she felt her lungs shrinked too…
And then nothing.