-Los Angeles-

"Are you looking for some company?"

Amelia raised her head and looked at Clary, who was standing right beside her.

Amelia frowned. "Why are you here? Have I forgotten a meeting?"

"No." Clary shook her head and sat down in the warm sand beside Amelia. "Wow. What a sight. I really love New York, but whenever I am here and take a look at the ocean I find myself thinking about moving."

Amelia bit her lip and said quietly, "I suppose you didn't come here to talk about the ocean, did you?"

"Obviously not," Clary answered. "I was talking to Grayson and he told me that he was worried about you and that you didn't want to talk. So I thought I might check if you're okay."

Amelia stayed silent, so Clary added, "I know that it's not always easy to talk about fears and what's bothering you. Especially not to those who need you as a leader." Her voice softened. "But I want you to know that you can talk to me."

"That's kind, but I'm okay. Really." Amelia turned her head and looked at Clary. She could see the doubt in the other girl's eyes and it made her feel guilty and incredibly weak. She lowered her gaze again and Clary sighed. "You probably don't want to hear it, but I know how you're feeling. I've been exactly where you are now. I know how it feels to lose the one person you love more than life. And I know how it feels like when all that's left is hope." Clary hesitated for some seconds before she continued, "But I also know what it feels like to be so desperate that giving up seems to be the only thing left to do."

"I'm not thinking about giving up," Amelia said quickly and Clary just looked at her. Amelia swallowed hard and whispered, "Okay - maybe I have thought about it. Maybe I was wondering if this all still makes sense. But no matter what the answer might be - I will never give up on Mark."

"I know." Clary smiled. "And the others know, too. They are just worried because they care about you."

Amelia turned her face away and let her gaze rest on the open space of the ocean. Suddenly she felt tired, as if she hadn't slept for years. Her whole body felt weak, as if all the air had rushed out of her lungs and all her bones had turned to dust. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and whispered, "I feel like I can talk to you, Clary. There are things I cannot tell the others, because I'd only take away their hopes."

Amelia opened her eyes and looked at Clary. "We've tried so many things, but nothing seems to work. I don't want to stop trying, but I feel like we're running out of options. We're running out of time. Ty's got some ideas, but I don't think that -"

Her words turned into quiet sobs, but she felt that she had to talk about what had been bothering her for such a long time. "I feel like there's nothing left we can try. I feel like everything we've already done was for nothing. And that scares me. It scares the hell out of me." Amelia hesitated for some seconds before she said, "I'm losing hope, Clary. I don't want to, but I do. And I can't tell the others about that, because they depend on me."

Both girls remained silent for some minutes, do that the only sound was the soft mumbling of the crashing waves and the distant cries of the seagulls. Finally, Clary cleared her throat. "Let me tell you something, Amy. You're not Superman, okay? No one expects you to carry this on your own. It's okay to doubt. It's okay to be scared." She snorted. "By the Angel - I've been scared so many times, I've lost count. And looking back there were days I felt so hopeless that I wanted to run away and hide under my blankets. We are Shadowhunters - but we are far from perfection. Sometimes I think we might be closer to the mundanes than some us might like."

Clary took some sand in her hands and let it run through her fingers. "What I'm trying to say is - it's okay to be weak as long as you know that there are people you can turn to. Your brother, Jules, Emma, me - we are here. There are others that can be strong for you, Amy." Clary's voice softened. "If you need to rest, if you need some time to breathe - it's okay. Take your time."

Amelia grimaced. "But what if time is the only thing we don't have enough of? What if time is running out for Mark? What if he's suffering? What if he's in pain while I'm taking my time?"

Clary sighed. "If that's what you're afraid of - then get yourself together. Get up and let's do something." Amelia remained silent and Clary said, "I know it doesn't seem much, but we can still go to Faerie and look for him."

Amelia looked at her and bit her lip. "I don't know how long we can still go there. If the fairies find out about what we're doing, they'll surely inform the Clave. So I have been thinking -" Somewhere in her stomach something seemed to turn to ice. It took all of her will, all of her strength to say, "Maybe we should stop going. We've been trying for quite a while now without any results. And if I wouldn't have been so narrow-minded, so focused on finding Mark, I would have noticed that I am putting everyone else in danger." Amelia's voice got shaky. "If the Clave find out what we're doing, all of the others will -"

"Amy," Clary countered. "They know. Do you really think that they haven't thought about the risks and dangers? They all knew exactly what they were getting themselves into. They knew it could be dangerous and just like you they don't care. So don't worry about them, okay?"

Slowly Amelia nodded. "I know. It's just... Knowing that doesn't change the fact that I kind of feel responsible for them. They're so young and so full of anger. Grayson and I should be the ones tahing care of them. I guess I'll have to make a decision."

Clary frowned and said, "I'm sure you're going to make the right one." She stood up, brushed the sand off her jeans and looked down at Amelia. "Let me know when you know what to do. Or if you want to talk. Whatever."

Amelia hesitated before she whispered, "There's something else I need to tell you."

Clary raised her eyebrows and Amelia said, "Actually, Ty came up with another idea and I want to hear what you are thinking about it."

Clary sank down into the sand again. "Go on, tell me."

- The Faerie -

Mark's head was a mess, full of whirling thoughts of guilt and satisfaction. The last days had been completely confusing. He did not know what exactly had happened between him and Kieran - or what was still happening.

Mark was carefully making his way through the forest. His bare feet ware barely making any noise while his hands were carefully touching the tree barks around him, feeling the warmth of the wood. Somehow everything felt different - the grass, the leaves and the trees, even the air smelled, felt and tasted more intense. It was as if Mark had been spending his life behind a curtain, that had been letting in just enough air and light so that Mark had been able to live. But since some days ago, that had changed. The curtain had been lifted and air and bright light had rushed in, floating every single inch of Mark's body. The forest had somehow lost his darkness and instead had shown his beauty to Mark, becoming a new home to him.

Mark stopped under one of the mighty oaks. Carefully he sat down, put down his bow and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and tried to focus on the noises around him. Somewhere there was a crack in the woods and without opening his eyes, Mark knew that it was a deer.

Slowly he laid back and opened his eyes. The leaves above him were shaken by the mild wind and sunbeams were dancing through the branches. In precious moments like this, Mark could almost forget that he was a prisoner here. In moments like this, he almost felt free.

Mark began to get used to living here. After all life here was not that bad at all. He liked the nature and the wilderness - never before in his whole life he had felt his fairy side so strong. It was as if the fairy inside him had been sleeping and now it was awake and taking more and more control of his body and mind. Something inside him had been unleashed and was now scratching on the surface - especially whenever Mark was around Kieran.

Since that night in which they had shared that one wild, passionate kiss, nothing else had happened. Mark did not know if he was happy about that or not. It had been an indescribable feeling to hold someone in his arms and to be held by someone. It was something Mark had been longing for since he had been brought here. Kieran had given that to him and for that Mark was very thankful.

Somewhere behind him, Mark could hear soft and careful moves. He closed his eyes and smiled. "I can hear you."

"I wasn't trying to be unheard." Like a drop of water, Kieran plunged from one of the trees and knelt down beside Mark. Mark raised his eyebrows. "Are you still following me?"

Kieran did not answer and Mark sighed. "There's no need for that anymore."

Kieran picked one blade of grass and rolled it between his fingers. "I held you once in my arms, bleeding and closer to death than to life. It was something I don't want to have to do again."

Mark swallowed dryly. "Believe me, - I've learned my lesson well." He lowered his gaze and said quietly, "I've learned that no matter where I try to run - there's no one and nowhere I can run to."

Kieran examined Mark closely. "You can always run to me."

Mark's face lit up a little bit, a shy smile appeared on his lips. Hearing these words made his heart a little bit lighter and took some of the pain, that was still keeping him awake at night, away.

Kieran moved closer, raised his hand and removed carefully some leaves from Mark's hair. Mark leaned into Kieran's touch, enjoying the warmth of his hand. Kieran ran his fingers across Mark's skin and lips and whispered, "I want you to run to me, Mark. I want you to know that I am here for you."

"I know," Mark whispered breathlessly and Kieran smiled. "I want you to know that I won't let you down."

"I know," Mark repeated once more and moved closer to Kieran. He took Kieran's hand and pressed his palm against his cheek. Kieran held his breath for a second, before he pressed his lips carefully on Mark's. He put his hand on Mark's chest and pushed him softly back to the ground.

Mark closed his eyes, enjoying the gentle touch that reminded him that he was still human, that a part of him was still longing for human warmth and that there was a part of him that had not turned to stone yet.

He clawed his fingers into Kieran's shirt and pulled him even closer. His kiss became wilder and more demanding. Mark felt something inside him roar, a wild longing - something he had started feeling since he was in Faerie. Sometimes his feelings scared him, but those moments had become less and less.

Kieran moved over Mark, kissing him passionately. He bit Mark's lips, making him groan hoarsely.

Kieran suddenly drew back, gasped and whispered, "I want you to know that this is the place you belong to. Mine are the arms you belong to. I want you to say it."

Mark froze and stared into Kieran's eyes - black and silver. His mind knew that Kieran was right, but his heart told him that he belonged somewhere else. And to someone else.

As if Kieran could read his mind, he leaned down and brushed his lips softly across Mark's skin. "Say it. Say that you belong to me."

Mark closed his eyes and Kieran breathed in, clearly annoyed by Mark's reluctance. "I tried to be patient with you, Shadowhunter. But now I'm losing patience." He sighed. "I care for you, Mark. I really do. And this is why I'm telling you this." Kieran moved his face closer to Mark's, so that Mark could feel Kieran's breath on his skin. Kieran's voice was soft, but there was a stone-cold touch to it. "I am getting tired of your reluctance, Mark. I am so tired of you still waiting for someone to appear, for someone to carry you back to where you came from. And I am tired of you being unable to accept that that is not going to happen."

Mark pressed his lips together. Kieran's words cut through him like blades, leaving his mind and his heart scarred. His mouth felt dry, his hands cold and sweaty. Mark tried to calm down his heart, which was quivering inside his chest like a trapped bird. He wanted to scream into Kieran's face that he was wrong, that his family was trying everything possible to get him back.

But he couldn't.

Mark was not able to say a single word, because deep down inside he knew that Kieran was right. No matter how desperately he wanted to believe - there was this little voice in the back of his mind, telling him that Kieran was right.

Kieran placed his hand on Mark's cheek. Now his voice was warm and soothing. "But you can have a new home here with me. You can live freely, embracing this wonderful creature that you truly are, instead of hiding a part of yourself, just to be accepted by people that will never love you just they way you are." He leaned closer and kissed Mark carefully, before he whispered, "I accept you just the way you are. You don't need your old home; I am your home now. You just have to let it happen."

"I am trying, Kieran. I really am." Mark swallowed hard. "And I want you to know that what we have is really important to me. You are really important to me."

Kieran took a deep breath and asked, "Who is Mia?"

Mark froze. Suddenly he felt cold. Although he did not know why, he felt that the name meant something to him. Somehow, he knew that Mia was someone special to him, but he did not remember why.

Kieran narrowed his eyes. "Sometimes when you sleep it's her name you whisper. Who is she?"

"I don't know." Mark's mouth still felt dry. He could feel that the memory was locked away, somewhere deep down inside his mind. Maybe it was better not to remember. It was less painful not to remember. And besides that, it surely was safer for Mia - whoever she was.

Kieran was still looking at Mark, his gaze full of doubt. Mark swallowed and said hauntingly, "I don't know who she is. Maybe I did know her when I was a Shadowhunter. Maybe she was part of my old life. But that doesn't matter anymore, because my old life is over."

"But you still whisper her name when you're asleep," Kieran said quietly and Mark shrugged his shoulders. "It doesn't matter what I whisper when I am asleep. What really does matter is that it's your name I whisper when I am awake."

Kieran's face was still skeptical and Mark knew that he had to take action to dispel the doubts, so he pulled Kieran closer.

"Let me show you."

Before Kieran could say anything, Mark had pressed his lips onto his. The kiss was wild and passionate and full of desire. After a second of hesitation, Kieran pushed Mark carefully deeper into the grass.

Mark was relieved that the talking was over. He had let down his guard and Kieran had been able to get too close to Mark's old life. Although Mark's memory was fading with every single day he spent in Faerie, he knew that he had to protect everything and everyone - even if his family seemed to have forgotten him. Mark knew that he had to remove everything that could lead Kieran or the others to his family. He had to remove the signs on the trees before he himself or anyone else found out what they meant.

He had to let go of his old life, to let if fade away, just like his memory already was fading away. Mark was tired of trying to remember, tired of waiting for his rescue and most of all he was tired of feeling the pain he felt, whenever he tried to remember his family. It was time to accept that Kieran was right; nobody would come to help him, nobody would rescue him. It was time to let go of the Shadowhunter. He was no longer Mark Blackthorn - he was now Mark of the Wild Hunt.