Chapter 28:
-2010
Regina knew that Madelyn was right.
She knew it.
She also knew this couldn't go on;
But...
But the truth was that she was having a hard time breaking the heart of someone else after her own heart had been absolutely destroyed.
She knew the feeling.
Didn't wish it on anyone else, ever.
Regina groaned and buried her face in her hands.
She was so lost!
And then her mind took her back to him.
Blue eyes shining with love, that dimple smile she couldn't stop thinking about-
No.
Oh God no.
It had been almost three years.
Three years.
Nothing good was waiting for her at the end of that road.
Regina sat up and wasn't surprised to feel tears pricked at the back of her eyes.
It happened each and every time she found herself thinking about him.
She took a deep breath.
When would the pain end?
Her heart squeezed so tightly that she gasped out loud and had to close her eyes.
No.
She couldn't keep living like that.
She had to force herself to move on.
So she would force herself to be with Jefferson, and love might arrive with time.
No, scratch that.
Love would arrive with time.
Madelyn was wrong, she could fall in love with him.
She just needed time.
(She didn't believe a word of that.)
Robin was home, spending time with his son and then looked at the hour.
He sighed and played with a giggly baby Roland, thinking he would have to leave soon and he hated it.
Roland was the only joy of his life and God, he hated to leave him behind.
He was still so young.
Then Marian came in and smiled,
"Are you two alright?"
"We're having plenty of fun, aren't we my boy?" smiled Robin and he tickled Roland, who laughed happily and extended his little arms to his father to get a hug.
Robin took him in his arms,
"I really, really hate being apart from him." he breathed, looking at Marian.
She looked sad.
"I know. He misses you too."
"Maybe we could find an arrangement?" he asked, hopeful.
Marian sighed and sat by his side.
"To be honest, I've been thinking about it." he frowned, looking at her.
"How so?"
"Maybe you could live here, the time for Roland to be a bit older? " Robin opened the mouth but she guessed what he would say and added, "Nothing romantic. We do have a guest room which could be yours. And truth be told, I could use help with the money so really, it would be good for everyone. It would be like having a roomate, Robin. "
Robin seemed to think about it for a very long time, but then one look at his precious son and he knew what the answer had to be.
"Well, that we can do. We've been roomates for quite some time already, haven't we?" he smiked and she laughed sadly.
"I guess we have."
Robin smiled again,
It was the moment that he knew,
They'll manage to stay friends for Roland's sake.
And somehow,
He felt better.
-2019
Robin was nervous, she could see it at the way he kept fidgeting, looking at his son every two seconds.
"Robin for the love of God, calm down! You're making me nervous."
He ran a hand through his hair and looked at her,
"The last time I did this, he didn't take it well." he looked worriedly at his son again. "I don't want to-"
"Robin." she cut him, taking his hand and he seemed to breath a bit better. "Everything will be alright, I am here now. You don't have to do this alone. Not anymore."
He tilted his head at that and smiled, one of his hands coming up to put her hair over her shoulder tenderly.
"I love you."
It warmed her heart each and every time.
"I love you too." she leant in, stealing a kiss. "Ready?"
He seemed to tense once again.
"As I'll ever be, I presume."
"Come on." she squeezed his hand and they came in the room where Roland was.
"Hi daddy, hi Gina."
"Hi my boy."
Robin took a deep breath and Regina squeezed his hand.
"We have to talk to you, Roland." she said.
They both sat in front of the boy, who laid down his monkey looking suspicious.
"Grownup stuff?" he asked,
"Kind of." said Robin and he took a deep breath. "Baby, I've already told you about this, but it's important that you listen to me this time. We're moving out of the United States. Very soon. We're coming back to England, with daddy's and mummy's families."
Roland frowned.
"But I don't want to!" he whined and Regina's heart broke for him as he reached for his monkey and hold him tight against his chest.
Robin's face fall.
He hated to hurt his son.
"Ro', nothing is waiting for us here. You know Mama is leaving, Keith is leaving, Madelyn is leaving and Regina is leaving, too."
Roland seemed to think about it.
"Everyone?"
"Everyone." smiled gently Robin.
Regina couldn't help it then, she took Roland's hand and squeezed it.
"We're all following you and your daddy."
Roland narrowed his eyes then sighed loudly.
"And you'll see your cousin." added Robin, "And auntie Anna and uncle Will, all the time!"
"All the time?" and now he seemed excited and Robin chuckled and ruffled his hair.
"All the time."
Roland seemed to think about it, his eyes going from Robin to Regina.
"Fine."
"Fine?" asked Robin, eyes wide.
"Yes, but everyone is coming you swear?"
"I swear."
Roland nodded, still a bit closed off but a lot less than when they had talked about it minutes ago.
"Now I have a question, too." he said.
"Go on, my son."
Roland tilted his head and he looked so much like Robin suddenly that it tugged at Regina's heart, a maternal instict she didn't fully realize she could feel so strongly as she did in that moment.
"Are you going to be my new mummy?" he asked Regina and then time seemed to stop.
She froze.
That she had not been ready for.
She chanced a look at Robin and he looked amused, which puzzled her.
He ruffled his son's hair and smiled at her.
"Not quite." he smiled, "Regina is my girlfriend, but you already have a mother."
"Mummy?"
"Yep."
"Regina will be like Keith, if that's alright with you? But even if mummy and myself are your parents, that doesn't mean you can't love Regina and Keith like your parents."
Roland seemed to think about it.
"I like the idea."
"You do?" smiled Regina and the boy nodded.
"I do!"
And then he got up and walked to her, hugging her tightly.
"Don't be so surprised, I love you Gina."
Regina was surprised at first but then she hold him tightly,
"I love you too, Roland."
She closed her eyes and tried not to cry, and then opened the eyes and her eyes locked onto Robin's.
He looked so touched.
This moment was perfect.
Days later.
Regina was packing her stuff for the big move to England, listening to the radio absentmindely.
Robin was out to drive Roland to one of his friend's birthday and would be back any minute, now.
And then she froze when she heard the music.
Friends break up, friends get married
Strangers get born, strangers get buried
Trends change, rumors fly through new skies
But I'm right where you left me
She stopped.
This last sentence...
Regina stopped the packing and looked at the radio.
Matches burn after the other
Pages turn and stick to each other
Wages earned and lessons learned
But I'm right where you left me
Help, I'm still at the restaurant
Still sitting in a corner I haunt
Cross-legged in the dim light
They say, "What a sad sight",
Regina's heart absolutely broke and she let go of the shirt she had in hands.
Because she had been that woman.
She had been that woman left behind by the love of her life, unable to move on and stuck in the past.
Tears pricked at the back of her eyes.
I swear you could hear a hair pin drop
Right when I felt the moment stop
Glass shattered on the white cloth
Everybody moved on, I, I stayed there
Dust collected on my pinned up hair
They expected me to find somewhere
Some perspective, but I sat and stared
Right where you left me
You left me no, you left me, no
"Oh..." she murmured, voice breaking.
It felt like someone had taken her story and made a song out of it.
She put a hand on her heart and squeezed.
God, she had not hurt about it in such a long time.
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
You left me, you left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
She frowned, because she had that feeling.
For so long she had been left behind stuck in the past and unable to move on.
Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?
Time went on for everybody else
She won't know it, she's still twenty-three inside her fantasy
How it was supposed to be
Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?
Breakups happen every day, don't have to lose it
She's still twenty-three inside her fantasy
And you're sitting in front of me
At the restaurant when I was still the one you want
Cross-legged in the dim light everything was just right,
I could feel the mascara run
You told me that you met someone
Glass shattered on the white cloth
Everybody moved on
This time it was too much.
She felt tears rolling down her cheeks and she couldn't stop it.
She couldn't.
And it turned into sobs.
She had been that girl of 23, sitting in front of the man she loved saying he was in love with someone else.
And leaving her behind.
And...
Oh God.
"Regina?" came a worried voice and she looked up to see Robin, eyes wide and worried as he took in the sight of her.
He laid his keys on the table and took a careful step to her, trying to read the situation.
"I..." she tried and then he seemed to have enough as he hurried to run by her side before taking her in his arms, he receded and cupped her cheeks.
"What is it, my love?"
"I..." she tried again and then the song resumed.
Help, I'm still at the restaurant
Still sitting in a corner I haunt
Cross-legged in the dim light
They say, "What a sad sight", I
I stayed there
Dust collected on my pinned up hair
I'm sure that you got a wife out there
Kids and Christmas, but I'm unaware
Cause I'm right where
I cause no harm
Mind my business
If our love died young
I can't bear witness
Robin's eyes widened and he paled.
"Oh Regina..."
He had understood.
He always did.
She bit her lip to trye to stop her crying but couldn't.
"I don't even know why I'm crying..."
"I know why." he murmured, holding her so close. "And I'm so sorry."
And it's been so long
But if you ever think you got it wrong
I'm right where
You left me
You left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
You left me
You left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
The music ended but they stayed like that for a very long time.
"I'm sorry I broke down like this." she finally murmured, laying a kiss on his clothed chest. "The song took me by surprise."
Robin sighed deeply and receded, cupping her cheeks until their eyes locked.
"You're allowed to break down, Regina. Please don't ever feel like you can't tell me things. I want us to be completely honest with each other."
She smiled weakly and he wiped her tears tenderly.
"I... I feel stupid. But it still hurts sometimes."
"I know." he said sadly, kissing her brow lovingly. "I am so sorry for the pain I put you through, I wish I could take it all back. "And then, "I need you to hear this, I'm never ever leaving you behind ever again. You know that, right?"
She smiled and leant into his hand.
"I do."
"Good." he leant in and nuzzled her nose. "I love you. You're everything to me. Everything."
"I know." she murmured and he closed the gap, kissing him.
And she believed him,
With all of her heart.
A few days later.
Regina was coming home with Roland, and the child was happily jumping up and down as he held her hand.
They were coming home after a morning spent together and Regina loved this new normal.
She came in the apartment and right away saw that Robin was on his phone, probably on Facetime.
He looked up when he saw them come in, smiling brightly and that warmed Regina's heart so much.
"Daddy!" screamed Roland and Robin smiled as Roland hugged him. "Auntie Anna!" said the boy looking at the screen, "how are you? I miss you and Uncle Will!"
Ah, Anastasia.
Robin's sister, then.
Regina heard the woman chuckle as she said,
"Hi there Roland, we miss you too. Bloody hell did you grow so much already?!"
"Aye, I did!" smiled the boy proudly.
Robin laughed, looked up because he didn't want Regina to feel like an outsider in what was now her own family, so he held her his hand.
She froze and he smiled.
"Are you sure?" she mouthed.
He nodded, blue eyes full of love and she smiled, lost in his eyes.
She took his hand and he brought her by his side so he was surrounded with her on one side and Roland on the other.
Robin laid his arm around her and kissed her hair tenderly as she smiled at the tender gesture.
And Regina saw Anna's eyes widened.
"Oh my God, Regina!" squealed the blond woman and Regina smiled,
"Hello Anna, how are you?"
"ROBIN LOCKSLEY!" shouted Anna and Robin winced, "HOW COULD YOU HIDE THAT FROM ME!?"
"Anna-"
"WILL! BRING YOUR ARSE BACK HERE AND COME SEE WHAT YOUR BLOODY BEST FRIEND HAS HIDDEN FROM US!"
Regina laughed, Roland too and Robin looked sheepish.
"Auntie Anna has just said a lot of bad words..." said Roland, and he looked amused.
"Why don't you go to your room, Roland?" laughed Regina; "That way your aunt can yell at your dad all she wants."
Roland laughed.
"I'd like that."
"Oh God don't leave." breathed Robin and he looked terrified.
"Good luck, daddy." he kissed his cheek and waved at the screen, "See you soon, Auntie Anna!"
"Of course, my love." she waved back, blowing him a kiss. And then she stared at Robin, "YOU. Explain. Now."
"Anna..."
"Oh, don't Anna-me ! Explain!"
Then Will appeared,
"Hey there!" he exclaimed and then his eyes widened, "Regina?"
"Hi, Will." said Robin, running a hand through his hair.
"Mate, what the bloody hell is going on?"
Regina laughed and stroked Robin's knee softly.
"It's quite a long story." Regina came to the rescue, still smiling and he threw her a grateful look. "Let's say that we reconnected, had a lot of ups and downs but decided our story was worth another shot. I can say that we're both very happy at the moment."
Anna smiled brightly.
"I am so happy for the two of you." she said, hand on her heart as her eyes were glassy. "I've always known you were the love of my stupid brother's life."
Robin smiled sheepishly and his arm around her squeezed her shoulder.
Regina smiled brightly.
"She is." he nodded.
"Oh don't think you won't have explanation to give me when you're back in England!" threatened Ana, pointing her finger at Robin and he raised his hands in surrender.
"I promise I'll tell you everything you want to know."
She narrowed her eyes at him, but then couldn't help the smile on her face.
"We're so very happy for you. Really."
Robin and Regina looked at each other, smiling.
Later that night, they were having a family dinner all three of them - before Roland left for his week with Marian and Keith, and Robin just loved that he was able to call them his family.
Then the door rang and he got up,
"I'll see who it is."
He walked to the door and opened it, smiling fondly when he saw who was there.
"Hello Locksley family!" she said and he laughed,
"Hi Madelyn, I didn't know you lived here with us, now." he raised an eyebrow and she rolled her eyes, kissed his cheek and went in.
"Auntie Maddy!" screamed Roland and he got up to hug her.
"Maddy?" asked Robin who walked to Regina and stopped behind her chair, his hands on her shoulders and she leant into him, smirking.
This would be interesting.
Madelyn had always forbidden everyone to call her Maddy, she hated it.
That was why her surname was Mal.
Regina raised an eyebrow at her bestfriend, who only shrugged and kissed the boy's curls.
"Only Roland gets to call me that." warned Mal.
Regina laughed.
"Why? I love that new nickname." said Robin.
"When you'll be even half as cute as your son, I'll allow it Locksley. In the mean time... You'll call me Mal."
His eyes widened in outrage.
"What? But.. Regina!"
But the brunette made a face, kissing his arm lovingly.
"I'm sorry my love but your son is cute."
"I'm cuter than you, daddy!" giggled the boy.
Robin sighed and shrugged,
"Fine. I give up. I'm outnumbered anyway."
Roland giggled happily, still in Madelyn's arms.
"You want to have dinner with us, auntie Maddy?"
"I'd love to." she winked.
"I'll get you a plate." said Robin, holding a chair out for her.
"I'll help." said Regina, getting up and stroking his back in the mean time.
Once in the kitchen, he went to search for a plate but she caught his hand and brought her to him, eyes dark and intense.
"Wait a minute, you." she said, looking at him from under her lashes.
He raised an eyebrow and cupped her cheek, bringing her close to him and she went willingly.
"Well, someone is in a mood.." he murmured, walking closer to her and she smiled, bitting her bottom lip that way that made him crazy.
"Perhaps." she breathed, hands getting lost on his chest.
"You're playing a dangerous game, my love. We do have guests..."
She hummed but they were so close to each other, he caved in and leant in kissing her deeply.
She moaned soflty and put her hand at the back of his neck to bring him even closer.
She had not realized they were walking until her back was against the wall and they were kissing far more passionately than they should given the circumstances.
"Regina..."
Her hand went under his shirt and he groaned slightly, kissing her neck as she brought his face back to hers for another one of these deep kisses she couldn't have enough off-
"Oh God, it's College all over again!" exclaimed a third voice and the two lovers jumped and receded from each other quickly.
"Mal!" said Regina, blushing and Robin cleared his throat, arranging his clothes as she tried to put her hair back.
"Seriously, it is College all over again." she raised an eyebrow, amused. "I can't come into a room unannounced, or I get traumatized."
She laughed and Robin blushed, too.
"Well you know the answer to that, don't you?" he asked and she shook her head, "Start announcing yourself, then!"
She laughed.
And then took her plate and her cutlery before laving, chuckling.
Regina was chuckling too and Robin circled her waist from behind, and laid his chin on the crook of her neck, laying a small kiss there.
"Is it amusing to you, my love?"
"Quite." she laughed, intertwining their fingers. "But I'm mostly laughing at how stupidly happy I am."
She felt his smile on her skin.
"I am, too." he laid a tender kiss on her skin, "I can't wait for the next chapter of our life to come."
She turned around in his arms and blue eyes met brown.
"One month." she smiled and he smiled back, eyes getting lost on her lips.
"One month." he answered, leaning in to steal another kiss.
-2010
She and Jefferson were seeing each other on another date and she had taken the decision that she wouldn't break up with him, but she couldn't move in with him, either.
She couldn't because she would always compare it with how happy she had been when he had asked her to move in with him.
She would always compare how happy she had been.
Tears pricked at the back of her eyes and she shook her head.
Moving on.
She was moving on.
Period.
So, she would ask Jefferson for some more time before leaving together.
Just a few more time.
She caught glimpse of him and waved, trying a smile.
Jeff smiled brightly and got up when she arrived, kissing her.
She cut the kiss quickly and sat in front of him.
"So, have you thought about it?" he asked, excited.
"I did." she took a deep breath and took his hand. "Look, I love how things are between us at the moment." he frowned, "Does it have to change?" she squeezed his hand.
"You don't want to move in with me." he whispered, face falling.
"No!" she hurried to say. "It's just that I... I'd like a bit more time." and then she decided to be honest. "Look Jeff, I told you. I got out of a very comitted and very significant relationship, I need some time. I just don't know if moving in together is the right thing to do."
He frowned, eyes wide.
"So you don't want to be with me."
"What?"
"You'd rather be back with your significant ex-boyfriend." he spatted and her heart broke at the mere mention of him.
She had to catch her breath.
"That's not like that!" she tried to say but she was panicking.
She couln't do this.
She didn't want to talk about Robin.
Oh God.
Her heart stopped and squeezed.
She had not allowed herself to think about his name in years.
And now...
Now she was having trouble breathing.
She had to get out.
She had to...
She had to do something.
Anything.
"I understand."
"Jefferson-"
"I really would have taken care of you, you know."
"Please, don't take it like that."
"You've made your choice." he said, eyew heartbroken and she couldn't do this.
Flashback of him leaving her.
Again and again.
Robin. Robin. Robin.
Robin.
COULD IT STOP FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND
And she broke down.
"Fine, I'll move in with you."
He stopped.
"What?"
"I'll move in with you." she murmured,
"Really?" he smiled, ecstatic.
"Really." her voice broke.
Jefferson laughed happily and got up, walking to her and hugging her.
"We'll be so happy, Regina!"
She closed her eyes and wasn't surprised to feel tears leaving them.
What the hell had she just done?
Robin put his son to sleep and let himself fall on the rocking chair, resting his head on the headrest, lost in thoughts.
About Regina.
He looked through the window.
Where was she?
Was she happy?
Had she moved on?
God, he couldn't stop thinking about her.
If only she knew she was still the only one for him.
Robin sighed deeply and lost himself deeper in thoughts.