Chapter 10: Ashes to Embers to-
Something that subtly smelled of sweetness poked Serana's lips. It wiggled inside and was victorious when she made the happy mistake of smiling. The tasty stalk of sweet grass teased her tongue and she hummed, biting gently so that sudden movements wouldn't terrify Ashes. The vampire opened her eyes and found amber orbs dancing back at her.
"Good morning," Ashes husked warmly.
She nodded her head to how Serana had even fallen asleep during her night watch - against a cold stone wall.
"Feeling homesick, Serana?"
If smirks could display the ability to struggle and be dying to do something, it was Ashes. Her mouth quivered and died to grin. The vampire rolled her eyes and held her head high while she went back to their camp to pack up the bedroll. She had sacrificed her last leather gauntlet and untied it's laces so that she could keep the bedroll bundled in an actual roll, with the carrying strap - courtesy of a certain hothead - burned off, for whatever purpose or solution it was even to serve. It's like Ashes' brains were made of flames.
Serana's eyes gravitated to the head drawn in the snow. She had the luxury of time and careful thought during her guard, but the ideas were so far fetched that it had no correlation to what she heard, or thought she heard, Éclair say. None of what the vampire thought had started with 'Am' anymore.
Serana tightened and tied the laces around the bedroll with a defeated sigh, looking over her shoulder when the snow crunched behind her with a chuckle.
"And people think I'm insane for not wearing much," Ashes started, confusing the vampire. "But at least I've got my magic to keep me warm. We're venturing to the coldest part of Skyrim and you still keep stripping."
"I'm not stripping," Serana huffed indignantly. She threw the bedroll to the fire mage to carry, knowing where to strike back. "You just don't have anything to use to help yourself."
Ashes crossed her arms and her mouth opened to protest, as predicted. Then her mouth shut. She tied the other end of the bedroll laces to her sash's belt. That she didn't bite was most curious, with how much conviction her expression held, but perhaps it was not the type of conviction that mattered most. The fire mage silently took the lead, occasionally kneading her nape and running her hand through her hair. Serana waited as patiently as she could, but there was obviously something the Nord wanted to get off her chest, and she needed some coaxing in the vampire's professional - and totally obviously unselfish - opinion.
"Something on your mind?" Serana asked gently.
A gust breezed through, and steam floated away with the wind, steam that steadily rolled off the fire mage's skin like fuzzy heat waves in a desert. Ashes turned around with this conflicted and sheepish smile, her nervous tics in full bloom despite her forcing a grin to pretend everything is okay. All Serana had to do was shoot a disbelieving smile that showed she wasn't going to buy whatever was to be sold, and Ashes already cracked.
"Thank you," the fire mage blurted stiffly. Her gaze fell to the ground as if ashamed. "F-for helping me. For lots of things, actually, but mostly for helping me, like with my injuries, but... Most importantly, at the Thalmor complex." She looked up with stronger resolve in her eyes. "You're not a soldier nor allied with the Empire, at least, not of this age. I don't know how things were like for you in your era, but in this era, things are defined as black or white."
Serana's brow rose subtly, surprised. She did her best not to show it on her face and crossed her arms, letting the silence coax Ashes into spilling more with her curious statements.
"There's no in between, no compromise. And I realize that maybe someday, when you learn more about the politics of this era, you may find yourself gravitating to the opposite side, and so I thank you now for carrying that burden of regret. You've proven yourself as a selfless and noble ally, and I hope that politics will never drive us apart. I hope our friendship grows, that I..." Ashes came closer, and that smell of fear lurked back, but subdued. "That I grow. I don't want to be scared anymore. I won't be, with your help."
Taken aback, Serana stepped back to study the Nord's body language. She was puzzled, and rather than processing and consolidating this information, she blurted.
"Burden of regret? Why would you say that?"
"W-well..." Ashes smiled meekly, rubbing her shoulder this time. "I don't know what politics you typically align yourself with, or how you might come to view the war in Skyrim."
"I care for none of it. There will always be war, and war will always be war. You said it yourself that war is worse than hell. I agree. I don't plan on aligning to any such side, and besides..." Serana crossed her arms, smirking. "I don't think anyone would welcome a vampire in their ranks."
The fire mage grinned - lopsided - thumbing at one of her canines, which actually was surprisingly sharp, true to her shameless boast before.
"They've got a dragon in their ranks. We're not so different, you and I. I love fire, you love frost. You crave blood and I crave dragons."
"You're not a dragon, Ashes," Serana sighed boredly, rolling her eyes.
"Might as well be. I'm a dragon trapped in a woman's body."
"I don't think that's how it works," the vampire chuckled. "Back to the point, I don't care for politics, and I won't regret helping you, so you can rest easy. We won't be driven apart."
She didn't want them to either, but she couldn't quite find the courage to confess that, for some reason. It was strange to go from a family so reserved and driven by intellect, to the dynamics of a woman who didn't seem to have any misgivings over freely communicating about thoughts and feelings. Curious, with how pride dictated Ashes. Maybe. Maybe it was Serana focusing on it too much.
"You thank me for my assistance despite me 'not being a soldier nor allied with the Empire', but the thing is, Ashes, is that you don't want to be a soldier or fight the Empire's war." Serana smiled when the fire mage winced for a second, then looked at her with pleading eyes as if caught red-handed. "Yet you risked your life to rescue strangers you do not know nor asked thanks for, and that entire 'infiltration mission' ran on pure faith that maybe that's what you were sent there for."
"Not mayb-"
"Maybe," Serana affirmed sternly.
Her smile grew when Ashes' gaze dropped to the ground, and she went to rubbing her shoulder again. They heaved with a sigh and she gave a lame shrug as her confession.
"To tell you the truth, we should be heading to Solitude to report what happened, which is why I've come out here in the middle of nowhere instead," Ashes mumbled. "General Tullius will find me if he really needs me, like every other time he's sent for me. I've avoided Solitude whenever possible so I won't be sucked into mission after mission, but Éclair was right. I swore an oath. I have my duty as Dragonborn as well, and it's something I... May have abused, to get out of my duty as a Legionnaire. Nobody can argue a nebulous duty bestowed upon by the gods, after all. I fear I may lose Éclair if I were to ever say that I'm thinking of defecting to the will of the gods, but she knows me. She knows that will is as vague as anything, defined how I see fit. And it would be a convenient definition."
"If she knows you, then she shouldn't be forcing you into fighting a war you don't believe in," Serana blurted hotly. "As a friend, she should support you, not coerce you."
Ashes' hand hooked on her shoulder and she looked away.
"It's not that simple. We studied together and were friendly rivals in the College of Winterhold, and we joined the Empire together to lend our magical talents, but more so..." She chewed her lip. "As a friendly solution. But we never expected to get this engrossed in it all. Our dream was childish and fragmented, deigned to doom in the face of reality."
There was something about Ashes' accent that kept changing when it came to certain vocabulary. When it expanded and was less about typical Nord things or fire or challenges or teases, it was more flowery and suited her fruity laughter. It was lighter, and it flowed like water. There was grace that was betrayed by the way the woman behaved as a brute, grace that was closely reminiscent of Éclair's. It prompted the memory of the head in the snow. The vampire shook off her curiosity while it latched on to another.
"A friendly solution?" Serana asked.
Ashes' posture caved like a landslide and hunched in, hugging herself. She chewed her lip harder and sighed.
"A rudimentary competition of who was the strongest mage. The College of Winterhold banned magical duels between us because of the property damage we left in our wake, and the souring reputation among the locals when we had maybe possibly kind of gotten a little too carried away and a little too close to the town."
Serana stared.
Those two entered a war so that they could war among themselves?
"Shouldn't you have joined the war on opposite sides, then?" Serana asked.
Ashes stared.
"We don't want to kill each other."
Ashes stated it as if it was the most obvious answer of them all, and that Serana was the weirdest of them all for asking it.
"Besides, we looked at the grander picture. The Thalmor once had Ulfric in their hands, and they released him. Elenwen herself was his interrogator. The Thalmor mean to have this civil war going on in order to weaken the Empire, so that they can take over Skyrim with little loss of troops and resources on their side. Ulfric won't see that. Even if he were to win, he would not have the tactical aptitude to take the Thalmor down without pure brute force. He's incapable of setting his emotions aside and seeing the bigger picture of what we truly need to do to win. Does he think I'm happy that the worship of Talos is outlawed? Of course not. But if we play it smart, we will push the Thalmor back and restore it. The treaty was only a strategy to buy more time. Time Ulfric is adding to by stretching Skyrim thin, fighting on two fronts."
Ashes sucked in a long breath, and it seemed she struggled to contain her emotions as she went on in her explanation.
"We're slaughtering our own brothers and sisters over impatience, and the Thalmor orchestrated it all. They're a blight, a plague that must be burned out."
Serana smiled sadly. "Both you and Éclair have gotten sucked in deeper than either of you wanted. You hate war, but you believe in it's cause. I don't envy your position."
The fire mage's eyes fell back to the ground as if it held the answers to the universe. She shrugged lamely, then turned around to take the lead.
"Long story short, thanks for your help," Ashes mumbled.
Silence rang deafeningly between them, and Serana's eyes gravitated to the distance as her thoughts wandered. She moved out to the side when she felt the occasional sting of steam pushed her way by the wind.
"You are in my position," the fire mage muttered.
Serana's head rose, her eyebrow arched in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"You hate hurting innocent people, or people that are just on the 'other side'. Even as a vampire, you seek your sustenance through other means. That Elder Scroll has you involved in something you would sooner be on the other side of Nirn for, if you could choose. You hate it, but there's a cause you believe in that has tethered you to stay."
Ashes stopped and turned around with a sad smile. She held her hand out, where a small calm flame danced in her palm.
"You're not alone. I happen to be an expert at fighting fate, in battles I don't want to be in."
Something tightened in Serana's throat. She hadn't revealed much, back at the crypt, other than how she wasn't certain if she'd even be safe once at home, and how she needed to find out more before she could figure out who she could trust. And yet, for all of the cues that pointed towards Ashes being an absolute imbecile being barely different than that of a typical Nord, there were these kinds of moments that demonstrated otherwise. The woman hid her cunning as well as her true thoughts.
"Whatever comes next, Serana, know that you don't have to face it by yourself."
Serana nibbled on the inside of her lip. "You're quick to swear allegiance and loyalty to a creature you're afraid of, and have made it your personal mission to destroy."
"You swore loyalty for me, for those other soldiers. And don't say you had to just to pay me back for this." Ashes gestured to the open snow plains, and to the lone boat ahead. "You can easily return home on your own. You don't need me, because you're more powerful than me. You didn't have to help and you chose to head towards strife rather than avoid it out of self-interest, especially since you're in a strife of your own. That means a lot to me. Whether you believe it or not, it was a selfless and noble act. An act I intend to pay back."
Ashes extinguished the flame in her hand, and the steam suddenly stopped emanating from her skin. A violent shudder rolled through her body but it was ignored without a care, it seemed, when the fire mage approached Serana. Ashes smiled sheepishly the moment the smell of her fear laced the air, and it was made apparent on the vampire's face, who crossed her arms. Ashes gently tugged on one of those arms to uncross them, and a strange sensation gripped Serana when a warm hand wrapped around her own. The shorter Nord had her neck craned up to meet Serana's eyes, and there was something endearing, and confusing, and vulnerable in the way Ashes looked and spoke to her.
"You're not a creature, Serana. And I'm not afraid."
A small smirk danced on the vampire's lips. "I can smell that you are, Ashley."
They stared at each other, and Ashes' brow arched in amusement. She mirrored Serana's smirk. "Ashley?"
"My guess."
Excruciatingly long seconds ticked by. Serana actually missed the warm hand around hers when it slipped away, and dread pooled in her stomach when the fire mage knelt.
A new head and torso was drawn in the snow.
"Come on," Serana grumbled. "Blaise?"
An arm.
"Fira?"
Another arm.
"Give me another hint!" Serana groaned. "Even if it costs me a leg."
Ashes' fruity laughter echoed in the spacious tundra. She drew a leg in the snow. The fire mage bounced up with a wicked smile and folded her hands behind her head, twirling around to take the lead again, her words dancing as much the spring in her step. The steam from her skin came back with a vengeance to melt her goosebumps away.
"You're on your last leg. If you mess this up, you'll never find out." Ashes glanced over her shoulder with the largest grin ever seen. "Hint: it's singular, not plural."
Serana stared, drawing a total blank.
She picked up snow, patted it into a ball, and threw it at the laughing sadist.
Revenge was gotten by making the fire mage paddle all the way to the castle. It was also a way to keep Ashes' back facing the castle until the fog eased and revealed it. Serana wasn't yet ready for the reaction to come, nor the end of their journey. There was a deep-seeded pit of sorrow nestled in her belly. She didn't expect Ashes to come inside at all, and there were so many unknowns locked away behind the castle gates.
Was father still alive? Could mother have returned, could they have made amends? Could they have forgotten about the Elder Scroll and prophecy all together? Should she hide the scroll just to be safe? What if someone else caught wind of the prophecy, some ambitious vampire who had successfully usurped the throne and was now even thirstier than her father for power?
Well, that would be a much simpler solution. She could kill another vampire without batting an eye, but the answer changed the moment her father was part of the equation.
"Are we almost there?" Ashes wheezed, exhausted. Her rowing was growing sluggish.
"Yeah..." Serana mumbled.
The paddle dropped on her lap.
"Serana." The fire mage leaned forward, her breaths haggard and quick. She raked her hair out of her face and gently squeezed the vampire's knee. "Do you want to go there?"
"I have to," Serana sighed. "I have no choice - like you and the Empire, this is between me and my family."
Ashes frowned, but nodded. She picked up the paddle and silently rowed again.
"If you ask me, I think it's just us in our own head saying that we don't have a choice, but we do. It just depends on what consequences we're willing to live with."
"I wasn't asking you," the vampire grumbled harshly.
Ashes shrugged and surprisingly didn't look offended, but rather that she expected it.
The moment the boat hit the shore, Serana's heart leapt to her throat. She was paralyzed and stuck in the boat, watching as Ashes watched her. Those amber orbs were drenched in a sombre look, but the fire mage continued to work wordlessly and jumped out. A burst of steam rushed out from the ice-cold water when Ashes jumped over the boat to pull it over and tie it to the rickety docks. She went to the patch of sand and ignited her legs on fire, rubbing her hands as she looked up at the castle and whistled.
"Thought you said you're not royalty?" Ashes shot a grin over her shoulder, then whirled around and knelt. "This humble peasant-"
"Stop," Serana choked. She looked away when she felt her eyes burn. "I appreciate it, but you don't need to."
Those amber orbs burned holes into her. She couldn't bring herself to look. It was endearing, the way this ridiculous Nord had tried to cheer Serana up.
It made everything hurt more.
"Let's just... Go. And let me take the lead in there. I'll make sure you stay safe."
"In there? I'm coming inside with you?" Ashes asked. "Is that wise? I'm a vampire hunter, Serana. I'm not going to have a tea party with them, and they're going to kill m-"
"They won't. I won't allow them." Serana's head rose and she narrowed her eyes at the fire mage's hands. "Just keep them as they are now and you'll be fine."
Serana walked past Ashes and took the lead. The stench of fear spiked and almost choked the vampire, but it was something she had expected. She was asking this woman to follow her out of blind faith, essentially, right into a den of the creatures she dedicated her life to destroy. It was likely why Ashes had even committed to magic and went to study at the College of Winterhold in the first place - a place Serana hoped to hear stories of when whatever was about to happen would blow over.
Time seemed to blur, or maybe it was just her heart racing that made it all seem... Numb. She was so absorbed in her own fear that she fell into an automatic mode, and it wasn't until she was inside the castle that she was pulled out of her head by the alluringly powerful smell of blood. The temptation almost overwhelmed her, until the gag behind her snapped her out of it.
Her eyes snapped to the hand that slapped around her forearm. She looked up, where Ashes had her eyes squeezed shut, and tears welled up in the corners of them. Her hand squeezed tightly over her nose and mouth. Serana frowned and reached over, trying to ease the hot hand wrapped around her forearm.
"Don't make me let go," Ashes pleaded pathetically. "Don't make me see this."
"Ashes..."
"Please. I can't see this again."
Serana sighed. "Just try not to burn my arm, will you?"
Ashes nodded feverishly.
Footsteps echoed inside the castle, and Serana's eyes widened when an altmer revealed himself around the corner. His eyes flared with murderous intent.
"How dare you trespass here!" And then it flared with recognition. "Wait... Serana? Is that truly you?"
Vingalmo. She was never fond of him. Serana didn't have the chance to answer when he pranced back into the court to announce her return, but all she could focus on was the shorter Nord hanging onto her arm for dear life. Ashes was going to pull her shoulder out of the socket if she kept tugging. At least it helped distract the vampire with that, rather than the roiling nausea thundering in her gut. They moved in pathetic increments that would have been ridiculously humorous in any other setting, and Serana had never been more grateful to have a humanized chain-ball locked on her.
Memories assaulted her when she entered the court. Her gaze locked with her father's, and everything else melted away. The world turned into tunnel vision. She barely even heard herself speak. The bloodied corpses on dining tables appealed to her darker impulses, but it was revolting to look at. She grimaced when she smelled puke and heard Ashes gag on her own vomit, chanting whispers under her breath.
"I'm in the forest. There's a campfire. Birds are singing. I'm in the forest. I'm in the forest. I'm in-"
"Serana?" Harkon's amused voice and sneer bled in her ears. "Is your... Friend... Alright?"
"Yes," she heard herself say, unable to take her eyes off of Ashes.
The hand on her arm would become searingly hot, then unbearably cold. It was the only thing that helped Serana pull through as she talked with her father, who was not at all even the faintest hint of the man she remembered. His eyes were like a feral vampire and devoid of all emotion except greed, fixated on the Elder Scroll she didn't remember taking off her back to hold it out in her hand. His snakelike smile made her want to explode, and her blood boiled when he had the audacity to come up to them and stroke Ashes' cheek, twirling a piece of her hair around his finger.
"What is your name, Nord?"
Serana could feel tremors. She opened her mouth to answer for the fire mage, until amber orbs burst to life. It was the vampire's turn to feel fear when the pupils shrunk into slits, and she ripped away when the hand on her forearm scalded through her clothes. Ashes' eyes roved over the corpses on the dining tables before they snapped to Harkon, who had taken a few steps back, his nose wrinkling with distaste over the steam that floated away from the fire mage.
"Ashes," she hissed with conviction. "Something you're about to be if you touch me one more time."
Harkon's laughter thundered in the court. "My, such confidence. Are you aware of who you're talking to?"
"A vampire."
"Yes, but not just any-"
"I don't care. All vampires burn the same."
Ashes held up her fist. Serana reacted in time and pushed her arm down before the foolish mage called for war with all the vampires in this court by conjuring flame.
"Serana," Harkon's laughter abruptly cut short. "You should teach your pet court etiquette before she's... Punished."
"Punished, huh?" Ashes narrowed her eyes. She thrashed her arm to get Serana off of her. "That'll be you, for all the innocent people you've dragged in here, dining on them like they're a rack of fucking lamb. I should burn every single one of you right here, right now and teach you 'etiquette' and respect."
The fire mage's fists ignited in flames, and all the vampires in the court hissed. Serana couldn't come close enough to stop her, and called on her frost magic to try and extinguish the flames themselves, but Ashes bounced away. Harkon remained calm and in control, his smile growing, thoroughly amused.
"Ashes, stop!" Serana yelled. "Don't throw your life away!"
What was this woman thinking? She had acknowledged Serana was the more powerful of them, and here she was, brazenly challenging the Lord of the court. Time seemed to stand still and the words bled out to the high ringing that swallowed her ears, panicking, terrified to lose Ashes right before her eyes. With a single wave of the hand, Harkon extinguished Ashes' flames and she screamed out in pain, forced to her knees by powerful blood magic. Serana rushed to her side.
"Father, stop, please! She doesn't know-"
"She insulted me and the others, knowing full well what she's doing. Why should I let this go unpunished?"
"Because she's the one that rescued me from the crypt! You would not have the Elder Scroll if not for her."
He would not have his daughter if not for Ashes, and yet this became an afterthought in Serana's mind. It saddened her immensely to have known what was his priority.
"Hm, yes. And she would have lived had she not threatened me." Harkon's hand glowed with red as wisps of blood magic weaved between his fingers.
For some reason, Ashes unhooked her sash, every movement weak and sluggish. The bedroll was relinquished and abandoned on the ground. She gave Serana a tired sweat-soaked smile, and wrapped the sash around the vampire's neck. Serana panicked when her father approached, groping for words to find a way out. She was frozen. The sash was tugged up to her eyes without warning, and suddenly, the entire courtroom burst in hisses and screams. Serana tugged the sash down only to find that Ashes was no longer there, and all the vampires were clawing at their eyes, even her father. She looked over her shoulder and saw the fire mage making a run for the exit.
Ashes turned around before she did, her amber orbs glowing bright. She ignited her fist on fire, calm, warm, reassuring. What was peculiar was that her hand was black.
Amber eyes. Fire. Ashes. Embers.
"Embers. Your name is Embers."
Black. Singular.
"Take care, Serana. I hope we see each other again someday."
Serana smiled sadly. "Me too, Ember."
Ember grinned and laughed. The last of her mirth extinguished like smoke when the castle gates shut, and Serana was left with the moans of agony as the other vampires clawed at their eyes, burning and crying blood. Ashes - no, Ember - must have blinded them by conjuring the hottest fire she could. Was that why her hand was black? Had she actually sacrificed it just to escape? All she had to do was listen to Serana and trust her! Why did that hothead explode? She was capable of containing her emotions, yet something triggered her, or maybe she didn't bother holding herself back because vampires.
Serana wanted nothing more than to chew out the fool.
She wanted nothing more than to be with the fool, for she had never felt more alone than now.