She thinks to herself, "Oh boy." Knowing that's always a hot button topic between them, she can now understand why things got so hot. But she allows him to finish without interruption. She checks back into the moment as she hears him say, "I know that probably wasn't the wisest thing to do, but I brought her up because I felt like it made sense. Whenever anything arises about her, he always wants to focus on how painful losing her was for him, and how his life changed for the worse.
He never acknowledges me or my loss, or wants to discuss the facts around the circumstances of her death. It's always about him, period. All because he doesn't want to think about how fucked up he was for cheating on her. Or admit where he was when she died."
His emotions are now in full bloom; his eyes are filling with tears, and his head is down. She moves closer to him and rubs his back, as he leans toward her and she takes him into her arms. He begins to sob, and she allows him to let go without judgement.
Supportively she holds him, continuing to rub his back as he holds her tightly. And she too has tears in her eyes, her heart hurts for him. The one person who should understand the impact of the loss of his mother the most, is completely oblivious to how badly he's hurting. Because he's too embarrassed about the status of his marriage at the time of her death.
With his sobbing reducing to a subtle whimper, that ends with him now pulling back from her, wiping his eyes and her handing him tissues from the coffee table canister. He sighs and looks down initially, trying not to look at her as he cleans his face. And says, "Damn, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to boohoo like that." She quickly replies, "Don't apologize for expressing how you feel, especially when it comes releasing grief through tears."
He takes a breath as he says, "I should be way outside of the grieving period though; she's been gone two decades now." Sweetly she takes his hand as she says, "Look at me." He breathes deeply again beforehand, but he does it.
When their eyes meet she says, "Do you remember when my grandmother passed?" He nods as he replies, "Yeah, it happened sophomore year. We all came to the funeral." She nods as she says, "Right. But did you know that my mom still cries every year on my granny's birthday?" He shakes his head as he responds, "No. I didn't know that."
She nods as she says, "Well it's true. With both of her parents now being deceased. She gets very sad or cries every year around their birthdays, and some holidays. But they've both been gone for over 10 years."
Surprised, he says, "I had no idea Liv. I'm sorry to hear that. That's tough." She responds, "I know you didn't know. It's not something I talk about. It's hurtful to see her so sad. But, my dad and I do what we can to keep her spirits up and just let her have her time sometimes when she needs it. We learned that when she went to see a grief counsellor a few years back."
He replies, "So going to therapy helped her deal with the loss?" She nods as she says, "Yes. It helped her a lot. It helped me and my dad too. Because we struggled at first to understand why she was so sad, since her parents had been gone for so long. But we found out grief doesn't have a time limit. You will always grieve the loss of your loved ones, and that's completely normal. The thing is to make sure you're handling it in the healthiest way possible. And you're not allowing it to consume your life." Curiously he asks, "Did they give you any examples of what to do?"
She replies, "Yes. Things like going to visit the grave site of your loved ones on a routine basis, or doing things to keep their memory alive are good ones. My mom and her siblings do a memorial dinner for her parents yearly now. They all get together and cook food from their childhood, and reminisce about their parents together. There are tears sometimes but there's more laughing than anything else. Because it feels good to be around people who share and know your pain, due to them dealing with the same thing and having the same love for the person you're grieving."
He responds, "That's a great idea. I've never heard of that. We don't do well with the discussion of feelings in my family." She smiles sweetly at him as she replies, "Understood. But you do have Aunt Rose. She knew your mom and I'm sure she'd love to talk to you about her." He nods in agreement as he says, "That's true. I guess I never thought about it because I know how sad she was when she passed. I remember her crying a lot when I was little. So I wasn't sure how to bring it up to her."
She understands his point, and says, "The only way to bring anything up is to just say it. I'm sure she'll be more than happy to celebrate her life with you. You both loved her very much, and there's a lot you can probably learn about your mom from her."
He agrees as he replies, "You're probably right. Celebrating my mom. I like that. Too often whenever she's brought up there's such a sense of sadness that takes over. It would be nice to be able to talk about her, and feel good about it."
She nods as she says, "That's exactly why my mom and her siblings have the memorial dinner. It's all about helping you deal with the loss in a healthier way, so we can remember our loved ones and not always be sad. It's okay to be sad sometimes. But nobody wants to be a bucket of tears all the time, that's freaking exhausting." He agreeably nods, "Yeah. It is. Thanks Liv." She smiles as she replies, "You're welcome. I told you. I've got your back."
He grins at her as he says, "Yeah you did, and you always mean it. That's the best part. How many times did I show up at your house after getting into it with my dad?" She smiles as she replies, "A few. But it wasn't any trouble. We had fun." He takes her hand again as he says, "Yeah, we did. Playing video games and eating sweets your mom baked seem to hit the spot every time."
She caresses his hand as she says, "I'm glad we were able to help you feel better. That was the goal." He sighs as he says, "Well it worked. But I think it was more the company than the sweets to be honest." She feels a warmth come over her as she replies, "Thanks." He leans toward her and they share a sweet kiss as he says, "No. Thank you."
When the kiss ends they gaze at one another for a bit, neither saying a word for at least one minute. He strokes her face and she grins at him. He grins in return as he says, "I love your smile." She replies, "Thank you. I love yours too. Which is why I did something to help you feel better." Eager to find out what she did, he asks, "What did you do?" She smiles as she says, "Follow me." She gets up and he follows her into the kitchen.
When he turns the corner a familiar fragrance hits him; he then sees her grab two pot holders and retrieve a pan from the warmer. When she places it on the stove his eyes glaze over and fill with glee as he says, "Oh my God. You made Ooey gooey butter cake?" She beams with pride as she says, "Yep. The absolute favorite of all of the desserts my mom made for you."