Wally's face is as red as his hair. He mumbles something and passes out napkins. But Lian's already tucked in getting red pizza sauce all over her face and hands. And she's on Zee's expensive white leather couch, which cost her a cool half mill. I take a breath, trying to remain calm.

"Lian sweetie, how did you get so messy."

She smiles sweetly at me, " Dick bet me I couldn't fit a whole slice of pizza in my mouth and finish it by the time Zee came back from finding out from whether, and I quote, 'you and Wally were done banging in the kitchen, but I don't think you were slamming the cupboard doors very hard."

I feel my face go hot, does my roommate have no filter?

Luckily Wally steps in, "Hey Lian, want to go play mermaids in the bath tub, it's a favourite of Dawn's."

I raise an eyebrow quizzically.

"Dawn's the niece, I've been stalking his aunt on Facebook, the kid is cute."

Wally ignores Zee, he learns quickly apparently,"In fact, because your a mermaid you can't walk, so I'm going to have to carry you, can't have you sliding off the sofa and getting your new coral face powder on the sofa."

"Won't that get on your shirt instead?" I ask getting no response as he scoops up Lian who giggles.

"Come on little princess, Atlantis awaits."

I go with him, taking a box of pizza with us, she may as well eat pizza in the bath, how much damage could she do?

It turns out, a lot of damage can be done with pizza and a bath tub.

Wally plonks her in the tub fully clothed, and probably the easiest way to wash off the sauce. Which is the start of the chaos, Lian then begins to tell us her plans for the mermaid kingdom which sounds more like warfare than princess tea parties, and her tyrannical dictatorship as she decrees that all those who disagree with her shall be sentenced to "1 million years in the dungeon".

Wally in his infinite wisdom decided to test the water of disagreement with her only to have his freckled face covered in the pizza that was launched by my niece.

"Mmmm, pepperoni, my favourite," he says as a piece slides down his face, he catches it before it hits the ground popping the piece of pepperoni in his mouth.

He tries disagreeing again later, forgetting the pepperoni pizza being launched, and gets approximately half the tub of water launched at him Ina barrage of splashes, by the end Lian is not really cleaner than she was before, but Wally and I have certainly had a refreshing wash.

We instruct Lian to finish washing up, as we get a towel ready Wally stands by the bath to lift Lian out and hold her whilst I wrap her up in a towel having got her to strip to her vest and pants to reduce the amount of water going everywhere, not like that actually matters as there's water everywhere and pizza on the ceiling

"so beautiful," Wally whispers,"No we've showered together want to go back to bed?" I give him a light shove, but he loses his balance and falls into the tub.

My eyes widen in shock, "I am so sorry."

"It's fine can you help me out though, I'm at a really awkward angle."

I place Lian on the bathroom counter.

Putting my hands on my hips, "If I try to help you, you aren't going to pull me in? Right?"

"I won't pull you in, on my honour as a wilderness scout."

I offer my hand out to him, starting to pull him up.

Only to be pulled in with a resounding splash. I'm on top of him, positioned awkwardly.

"Nice to know what a scouts honour means to you." I grumble

His eye glint mischievously , "Hey beautiful, just because I'm from Kansas doesn't mean I was ever a wilderness scout."

"Hey guys is everything okay, I heard a weird yelp?"

Dick walks into the bathroom.

"Jesus you guys, not in front of Lian." He covers her eyes with his hands before carrying her out so she can get changed.