Virtually Insurmountable Obstacles? (Chapter Eight)-
Later that night in Cory &Topanga's bedroom. ..
Topanga emerged from the bathroom in her knee-length, sleeveless green linen nightgown while absently brushing her hair while carrying a paperback book she was reading when she realized.
"Cory! Not the red silk pyjamas and red silk sheets again!" Topanga groaned- as she caught sight of Cory stretched out atop the bedcovers wearing those pyjamas.
"Come on, Panga Bear! Fight's done and over so let's do all we can to . ..make up!" Cory growled- as he hopped up to embrace Topanga.
"Cory, we weren't fighting. It was you & Shawn and me in one corner and me & Katy in the other corner who were," Topanga sighed as she put down the hairbrush and book.
"No need to split hairs. The important thing is making up!" Cory growled- as he bounced on his haunches.
" But we're not fighting and you're not cross-pollinating with Shawn," Topanga sighed.
"'Cross-pollinating'! Have I told you how much I love your retro-hippy terms- along with feeling your hair against my body?" Cory growled as he took a handful of her hair in his left hand and sniffed it.
"Mommy, Daddy! Am I glad you're awake!" Auggie exclaimed as he burst into the room.
"'Forgot' to lock the door again, Topanga?" Cory whispered with gritted teeth as he and Topanga straightened themselves up and each sat at the foot of the bed next to each other with their feet flat on the floor.
"Well," Topanga whispered back.
"Did you have a tummy ache or nightmare, Son?" Cory asked as he patted Auggie on the head while he and Topanga nested their son between them.
"No, but something's bugging me and I can't sleep," Auggie sighed as he came into the room in his pyjamas.
"What is it, Auggie?" Topanga asked.
" Ava and I heard you and Mommy along with Riley, Maya,Aunt Katy and Uncle Shawn and I was wondering. .." Auggie started to ask.
"Honey, how many times have we told you, it's not nice to listen to other people's conversations?" Topanga asked.
"To say nothing of listening to Mommy's and my . ..leap frog games!" Cory groaned.
"You can lecture me again tomorrow morning but I can't sleep now until I know the answer," Auggie sighed.
Cory and Topanga looked at each other and nodded- knowing that if they didn't answer his question, he'd never let them have their privacy.
"OK, Son. What's the question?" Cory asked as he mussed Auggie's hair.
"Well, Uncle Shawn was talking about that Virna lady hating on him because he loved someone named Angela. Isn't that Mrs. Crenshaw's name?" Auggie asked.
"Yes, Auggie. Angela is Mrs. Crenshaw's name," Topanga answered.
"But she's married to General Crenshaw and Uncle Shawn's married to Aunt Katy so how could he. ..?" Auggie asked.
"Yes, Uncle Shawn and Aunt Katy along with General and Mrs. Crenshaw are now married to each other but many years ago when me and Daddy were very young and were dating , before either of them met their life-companions, Uncle Shawn and Mrs. Crenshaw dated and loved each other," Topanga started to explain.
"Really? I can't believe it!" Auggie exclaimed.
"Why is that, Son?" Cory asked.
"Because they just act like you act with Aunt Katy and Mommy does with Uncle Shawn- not all gaga like you and Mommy or me and Ava," Auggie proclaimed.
"That's true now but way back when they DID love each other and considered becoming life-companions but they each had to work out what they wanted in life and they wanted different things at different times so that's why they didn't become life-companions. Do you understand what I'm saying, Auggie?" Topanga asked as she hugged her son.
"I think so but why would that Virna lady have hated Mrs. Crenshaw if she hadn't even met her and why would Uncle Shawn have cared if Aunt Katy and Maya had been mean to her if he didn't love Mrs. Crenshaw any more?" Auggie asked.
Cory and Topanga took deep breaths.
"You want to handle that one, Counselor?" Cory asked.
"I think this is something we both need our thinking caps for, Professor," Topanga replied as she and Cory each reached up with their hands and put on imaginary thinking caps on each other's head which always caused Auggie to laugh.
"Well, what if you and Ava broke up and you started seeing Susie Kendall?" Cory started to ask.
"Susie Kendall? YUCK! She throws gum in my hair!" Auggie protested.
"Yeah, I've had to untangle quite a few of her messes. Mean little bih. .biddy," Topanga fumed while picking up her hairbrush and hoisting it like a weapon.
"OK, maybe another girl in your classroom. Only she wasn't just mean to Ava because you no longer loved Ava but extra mean because Ava was like your Grandma Matthews's dad- your Great-Grandpa Cohen," Cory explained.
"But Ava's not a fossil like . ." Auggie started to say.
"Auggie! If you EVER want chocolate chip cookies or new sweaters from Grandma Matthews again, you can NEVER call her a fossil," Cory gasped as he covered Auggie's mouth.
"No, Dear! Your Great-Grandpa Cohen ,who your Daddy is a virtual clone of ,was Jewish and so are Ava and Mrs. Morgenstern. We talked about this," Topanga explained while Cory uncovered Auggie's mouth.
"I remember and that's why we have the fedora candlesticks every Christmas!" Auggie recalled.
"That's 'menorah', Son! Yeah to celebrate how keeping faith and hope alive helped some of our ancestors endure back in the day!" Cory recalled.
"But what does this have to do with Uncle Shawn and Mrs. Crenshaw?" Auggie asked.
"Well, how would you feel if Susie or whatever new girl was your girlfriend hated on Ava, not because of anything she said or did ,but JUST because Ava's Jewish? " Topanga asked.
"Why would anyone do that?" Auggie asked.
" I wish I knew but there are people who don't even want to try to give others a chance to know them for who they are just because they are a different faith or a different ethnic background and that Virna . ..lady as you call her hated on Mrs. Crenshaw for that even though she never met her," Cory groaned.
"That made Uncle Shawn very sad and mad, right?" Auggie replied.
"Yes, it sure did and Mommy and Daddy wish he'd talked about it to us before tonight but I guess he was too embarrassed that she did that," Topanga sighed.
" So anyone I ever love, you'll love,too! Right?" Auggie asked.
"We can't promise you that but Mommy and I promise that we will do our best to give the one you love a chance for all of us to get to know each other for who we are- no matter what they believe in or what they look like on the outside," Cory proclaimed.
"Thanks, Mommy! Thanks, Daddy!" Auggie proclaimed as he hugged and kissed both his parents.
"Your welcome, Honey!" Topanga beamed as she was hugging Auggie.
"Just as your Mommy and I think it's important to give everyone a chance on who they are instead of what they look like or what they believe in, so does Uncle Shawn which is why he was happy Aunt Katy and Maya feel the same way!" Cory explained while hugging Auggie.
"So you'll love me no matter who I choose for a live cop onion! " Auggie insisted.
"Yep! Whoever you choose for a 'live cop onion'! "Cory laughed.
"Daddy, you know that that's 'life COM-pan-YUN'! " Topanga giggled.
"Yeah, but I like Auggie's way of saying it! " Cory laughed.
"Thanks, Mommy! Daddy! Can I ask you one more thing?" Auggie asked.
"Sure, Son!" Cory insisted as he mussed Auggie's hair.
Then Auggie ran from his parents and to the head of the bed where he jumped onto the sheets and slid forward before Cory and Topanga were able to stand up and stop him
"WHEE!" Auggie shouted as he slid almost to the other side of the bed on the silk sheets before Cory caught him by the right ankle.
"Auggie!" Cory groaned.
" Mommy and Daddy, aren't you going to join me sliding on the sheets for fun?" Auggie laughed.
"No, Auggie! It's way past your bedtime and we all need our rest," Topanga proclaimed while looking directly at Cory.
"OK, Mommy," Auggie and Cory groaned.
"I'll walk you back to your bed and re-tuck you in, Son!" Cory proclaimed as he started leading Auggie back to his room.
"Can I play Lord Uncle Shawn of the Jungle when I get to bed? " Auggie asked.
"Not for another six years at least," Topanga laughed.
"He's the coolest uncle I've got! Goodnight, Mommy!" Auggie proclaimed as Topanga hugged and kissed him.
"Wait till I tell him that! " Cory half-whispered to Topanga.
"Auggie, we don't want to hurt Uncle Joshua's feelings so let's keep that to ourselves for now," Topanga insisted as she opened the bedroom door while her husband and son exited.
A couple of minutes later, Cory returned and locked the door behind him while thrilled to see Topanga under the silk sheets…
"Cor-Coa! Have I told you how much our talk with Auggie reminded me of one reason why I love you so much?" Topanga asked while she hugged and kissed Cory when he came back to bed and climbed under the silk sheets.
"Really, Panga Bear?! So, does this mean you're up for . ..spooning?" Cory asked with a leer.
"I'm always up for spooning with you, Professor, and, if you play your cards right, we'll see about the Professor and the Counselor recreating the Big Bang!" Topanga cooed while running her fingers through his scalp hair.
"RORH! But before we get started, let me do one thing," Cory laughed.
"What's that, Cory?" Topanga asked as she stroked his face.
Cory immediately pulled the silk sheets to his knees, kneeled , stood on top of the silk sheet mattress sheet ,jumped up once then then put his hands on the headboard before pushing himself off in the direction of the foot of the bed with his feet sliding on the silk sheets.
"WHEE!" Cory exclaimed.
"Cory," Topanga sighed as he finished sliding over the sheets as though he was surfing.
"That was FUN! OK, cartoon time's over so now to the adult portion of our program!" Cory laughed as he climbed back under the sheets.
. . .
. .
A week later at the Hunters' Apartment. .
"Maya?! You awake yet? It's almost time for school!" Shawn insisted as he banged on her door.
"Daddy, can't you put use your powers to get Uncle Cory to excuse me the rest of the day?" Maya asked in her bedroom.
" Can I come in? Are you presentable?" Shawn asked through the door.
"Sure! " Maya sighed.
"You're already dressed! It's getting late and I've got oatmeal and orange juice ready for you! Now get a move on!" Shawn insisted as he patted Maya on the left shoulder.
" You know it feels great to have a dad who does this for me. Did Mom had to leave early for Aunt Topanga's again?" Maya asked as she finished tying her left shoe.
"Yeah, something about a breakfast rush on croissants. You've managed to avoid any tardies this year, and I'd like to keep that record intact!" Shawn insisted.
"Daddy, why can't I just retire like you?" Maya asked as they left her room to the small table next to their kitchen.
" I'm not retired! I'm designing webpages for 10 clients at a time but if you want a job like mine where you don't have to wear a coat and tie or answer to a boss. .. "Shawn insisted.
"You need to get to school!" Shawn and Maya said together with Maya perfectly imitating his hand gestures.
" I got it, Daddy! Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if your mother had woken you up every morning to do this like you and Mom do?" Maya asked.
" Mrs. Matthews used to do that when I stayed with Uncle Cory," Shawn recalled.
" Well, maybe your real mother WOULD have had she been able to stay. ." Maya said before she realizing the words came out of her mouth.
"Maya!" Shawn fumed.
" I'm sorry, Daddy. I just hate that you don't know," Maya sighed as she sat down to her place at the small kitchen table.
" Look, what was done got done and there's no point in doing any more searching for someone who probably wishes I never was born," Shawn groaned.
" Well, I for one am happy you were born and I'm happy you and Mom are going to have a new baby," Maya insisted as she kissed Shawn's left facial cheek.
" Thanks, Maya! But you're STILL going to get to school on time!" Shawn laughed as he put the oatmeal and orange juice in front of Maya's place at the table while she started consuming her breakfast.
.
.
. ..Abigail Adams High in Cory Matthews' History Class. . .
Maya gave some more thought to what had woken her up early- namely that she believed that had to find a way to discover what had happened to Shawn's mother but she knew Riley wanted no part of it but she had to talk about it with someone who wasn't too connected with Riley and could help.
"I need strategy and you're the best! Meet me in front of Cafeteria Bathroom in 5 minutes" Maya texted on her Smartphone.
"OK"- Maya's text recipient texted back.
"So, who can tell us about the Origins of Reconstruction?" asked Cory.
Maya put up her hand.
"Well, miracles do happen! What have you got,Maya?" Cory beamed.
" It was about putting back together something that got broken like a vase," Maya sputtered.
"Maya," Cory groaned.
"Mr. Matthews, I've gotta go to the girls' room," Maya exclaimed as she stood up.
" Fine! Three minutes!" Cory insisted.
" It's that time of the. .." Maya insisted.
"Er. .uhm .. I meant to say three hundred minutes or three milleniums. Go do whatever you girls have to do … um. .um. ," Cory sputtered while getting beet red while Maya made her exit.
"Maya?" Riley called out.
"I'll be back!" Maya replied as she ran out the door.
. .
"I just left my Quantitative Literacy Class for this. This better be good, Maya!" Isadora Smackle fumed while standing in front of the Cafeteria Girls' Bathroom as she was about to push the door to go in.
"Not here!" Maya pleaded in a stage whisper.
"But you texted. .." Isadora protested.
"It's still too public! Anyone could walk in on us. This way!" Maya insisted as she grabbed Isadora's right wrist.
"Where are you taking me?" Isadora asked as they made their way to the Kitchen.
"Right here!" Maya sighed as they reached the Cafeteria Kitchen Staff Bathroom.
"In there? It's tiny and . ." Isadora protested.
"Aren't you curious about what I need your help with?" Maya asked.
"Well, despite it being of no benefit to my current academic trajectory, I have to admit being intrigued," Isadora sighed as the two went inside while Maya locked the door.
" OK, here's the deal. .." Maya started to say.
"You know, I never thought there could be a bathroom ickier than the regular Girls' Bathroom," Isadora gasped.
"Well, we're not here to use it! We're here to. .." Maya tried to explain.
" In point of fact, I DO have need for it and I'm not sure I can hold it in for the duration and there's not room for two of us in here if I sit," Isadora sighed.
"Oh, fine! I'll wait outside!" Maya fumed as she stepped outside closed the door behind her and hid behind the nearby cafeteria shelf.
Three minutes later. ..
" DONE now!" Isadora called through the bathroom door after flushing.
Maya went back inside.
"SHH! Will you be quiet?!" Maya hissed.
"Well, I hope to never have to repeat that experience in such cramped, ghastly surroundings," Isadora sniffed having redressed herself
" So it's not the Waldorf Astoria Powder Room. Can we get on with this, Smackle?" Maya fumed.
"Very well. What would you like my assistance on?" Isadora asked.
" OK, my daddy Shawn Hunter has no idea who his birth mother is," Maya started to say.
"You mean that Mr. Hunter doesn't have her current residence or surname?" Isadora asked.
"No, I mean he knows nothing whatsoever except for some weird thing about her being a stripper he says his own dad's ghost told him about her," Maya tried to explain.
"Preposterous. There's no such thing as. ." Isadora scoffed.
" Look it's all I've got, 'kay?" Maya pleaded.
"I'm sure an online search of the Birth Records could easily uncover. .." Isadora sniffed as she started to reach for the tiny bathroom's door.
"I already tried that! His Birth Certificate lists his stepmother as his birth mother but it's a forgery," Maya tried to explain.
" And you tried other online resources?" Isadora asked.
"Yes, of course! Just like Daddy did. There's nothing on who this woman could be," Maya fumed.
"So you think somehow I have knowledge that the bureaucratic records have failed to uncover about a near-stranger's unknown mother?" Isadora started to laugh.
"No, I don't think you're THAT smart. You're not God!" Maya fumed.
" If you're going to insult me. ..!" Isadora fumed and started to leave before Maya pushed her back.
"I'm not! I just thought you might have some idea of how to search beyond just typing in search engine words," Maya sighed.
" To some it may be heresy ,but the Internet does NOT have all data and knowledge available but there is another way to obtain it,"Isadora pondered.
" What do you mean?"Maya asked.
"I'm surprised you haven't made use of your Freshman Biology knowledge," Isadora laughed.
"Biology? Shawn Hunter is my adoptive father, my mother's husband and my future baby sibling's father," Maya tried to explain.
"Yes, I am aware that you are not his biological offspring but you could find out his maternity very easily," Isadora insisted.
" What do you mean?"Maya asked.
"DNA! That's D. .N . .A. All in capitals," Isadora sniffed.
"Really winning points talking down to me," Maya fumed.
"Sorry, nothing personal," Isadora sniffed.
"I know what DNA is," Maya sighed.
"All you need to do is to tell him to submit a DNA sample and that can be matched to a maternal relative with shared mitochondria who could link him to his biological mother!" Isadora proclaimed.
"Oh, he'd totally refuse to submit DNA -especially dealing with the 'Net ," Maya sighed.
"That presents a virtually insurmountable obstacle," Isadora sighed.
" Insurmountable? Great, now we'll never know who she could be," Maya groaned.
" Virtually is a hypothetical estimate close to but not necessarily equivalent to totality," Isadora pondered as she patted Maya on the hand.
"Not equivalent. So you mean. .?" Maya asked.
"In the absence of consensual submissions, you may need to resort to obtaining it by subterfuge," Isadora pondered.
"There's a dark side to you that I had no idea about,"Maya laughed.
"In point of fact, we have a resource in very close proximity that could bring the solution to the forefront," Isadora insisted.
"Resource?" Maya asked.
" My current significant other and your friend- Farkle Minkus!" Isadora beamed.
"Farkle?! I know he has all kinds of computers and test tubes but. .." Maya sputtered.
"And could provide easy access to Minkus International's latest service- DNA HOORAY!"Isadora proclaimed.
"DNA HOORAY?! " Maya asked.
"One may submit a sample which can be correlated to the closest relative possible out of over 50 million clients in the US alone- for a mere $500!" Isadora beamed.
"$500?! Even if I sold every muffin me and Huckleberry ever made to every school in Manhattan, I'd be an old lady before I cleared that kind of profit," Maya fumed.
"I'm sure Farkle could be persuaded to provide you with a wholesale rate," Isadora pondered.
"Wholesale? I'm no charity case, "Maya sniffed.
"Suit yourself then. We can arrange to meet him at his apartment, " Isadora proclaimed.
" That would be tricky," Maya sighed.
" You know he'd be happy to do it as a favor to his significant other as well as his ladies!"Isadora beamed while rocking her head back and forth at the term 'significant other'.
" That's the problem. I've got to make sure Riley isn't part of this," Maya insisted.
" Your matching bookend?" Isadora laughed.
" Bookend?" Maya asked.
"Father used to watch The Patty Duke Show- a comedy from the 1960's with the absurd premise of two identical cousins," Isadora explained.
"I seem to remember her. Didn't she die a few months ago but play Helen Keller when she was a girl," Maya pondered.
"That's correct! How did you know?" Isadora asked.
"Oh, when we were about eight, Riley and I saw a blind woman with a cane walking in the street and we asked Mr. Matthews about that so he showed us a DVD of that movie. I didn't know she also did a sitcom," Maya recalled.
"Well, she did- and one of the verses of the theme song went 'one pair of matching bookends/ different as night and day,' with Patty being hyperactive and intense on contrast to her Cousin Cathy being sedate and mature!"Isadora explained -having sung those two verses.
"That's Riles and me alright though no one would say either of us are sedate. So Patty Duke and someone else played opposite cousins. Cool," Maya pondered.
"No, Patty Duke played BOTH roles with a split screen," Isadora laughed.
"Really? Life would be so much easier if Riley could play both our parts at least during school hours,"Maya laughed.
"In point of fact, in her later years, Miss Duke would be diagnosed as bipolar yet she cheerfully admitted these two opposite characters were facets of her own personality extremes," Isadora explained.
"That's really something, Isadora. I'll have to stream that show sometime," Maya considered.
" I think it would be worth your time," Isadora pondered.
"But you're not bipolar," Maya sighed.
"No, but having a diagnosis of an unconventional neurological yet highly functional state of being, I have to admit having some empathy for what other unconventional high-functioning individuals have had to contend with down the ages," Isadora sighed.
"I think I get that. Anyway, thanks for your help with this, Smackle, "Maya proclaimed.
" Your query has proven to have been worth my interest and time yet I am not understanding your unwillingness for Riley take part in this venture," Isadora sighed.
"Between her being against my search for Daddy's mother and her having been caught in the crossfire over my search for Mom's previously unknown uncle being nasty to me causing our fathers going to war, I truly don't want her in on this. So can you keep this between us and Farkle?" Maya explained.
" I can only make declarations on my own behalf not my significant other's. However, you have my backing," Isadora proclaimed.
"Deal!" Maya agreed as she shook Isadora's hand.
"I suppose we need to return to class before we've been missed for too long a period of time," Isadora pondered.
"Funny you'd say 'period'," Maya half-laughed as she opened the Cafeteria Kitchen Bathroom.
"Mrs. Abdullah!" Isadora gasped at the middle-aged, Algerian-American heavyset cafeteria server of average height standing on the other side of the door.
" Inshallah, it's quite alright. My sister is in an alternative lifestyle," Mrs. Abdullah proclaimed with her slight accent and a shrug as she started to close the door behind her to step into the tiny facilities.
"But. ..we're not. .. " Isadora sputtered.
"Whatever," Maya groaned as she grabbed Isadora by the wrist and they ran out of the Cafeteria back to their classes.