Momo cringes at his hangover while Naruto raves about ramen for his introduction. Bitch was fucking loud.
"Now you, pinky," Kakashi prompts once the blond loudmouth shuts up.
"Wow, 'pinky', so fucking original," Momo snips. "Haruno Momo, my likes are good
shit, my dislikes are bullshit, my hobbies are none of your fuckin' business and my dream for the future..." He pauses dramatically. "Are also none of your fuckin' business."
All he knew was that he was going to end up dying a glorious death right after he ensured Trash's safety.
He didn't give two shits about Kishimoto's plot. Dumb bitch fucked him over—(Why does he have to know, why him, he doesn't want to know!)—so Momo's returning the favour.
"My name...is Uchiha Sasuke," Sasuke begins with a nice dramatic pause. "I hate many things and I don't particularly like anything. And...I don't feel like summing up my ambition as just a dream because I will make it a reality. I'm going to restore my clan, and without fail, kill a certain someone."
A brief pause.
Momo whistles. "Damn, son. That's intense. Real mood killer. Now I feel like my intro should've been spicier."
Naruto nods in agreement.
"Good," Kakashi says finally. "The three of you are unique and have your own ideas."
Momo snorts. "That's one way of putting it. More like, one of us has a bad rep, the other's a homicidal emo dong, and the other's a dumbass."
Naruto laughs. "Who's the dumbass?"
"Now that's just sad."
"We'll have a mission tomorrow," Kakashi soldiers on like the jōnin he is.
"Oh!" Naruto exclaims like a dumbass. "What kind of mission are we going to have?"
"It's a task that the four of us will do together," Kakashi replies vaguely.
"No fuckin' shit," quips Momo.
"What? What? What? Wha-"
"Shut the fuck up, Uzumaki!"
Kakashi continues bravely. "A survival exercise."
"Survival exercise?" blurts Naruto.
Momo scowls. "This call and response thing is getting old."
"This is not like your previous training," Kakashi says.
"Then what kind of exercise is it?" asks Naruto.
Then, Kakashi fucking giggles like a maniac.
"O-kay, there goes my faith in humanity," mutters Momo, brushing some of his hair back.
"Yeah!" says Naruto. "What's so funny!?"
"Heh," Kakashi chuckles ominously. "If I tell you the answer, you're not going to like it."
"Huh?"
Kakashi shifts himself intimidatingly. "Of the twenty-seven graduates, only nine will be recognized as genin."
Momo rolls his eyes.
"The remaining eighteen will be sent back to the Academy. In other words, this exercise is an extremely difficult test, with a failure rate of sixty-six percent or higher."
"Oh fuck that," Momo snaps. "I spent six years dealing with a shit-ton of little cocksucking bitches, I ain't goin' back to that hell hole, and I swear to god if I end up becoming a civilian, I will kill everyone here and then myself!"
Naruto scooches slightly away from Momo before shouting. "That's crazy! I worked hard to get here! What was that graduation test even for!?"
"Oh, that," Kakashi says casually. "That was just to select those who have the potential of being genin."
"WHAT!?"
"That's how it is. I decide whether you pass or fail."
There was a moment of silence where Naruto and Sasuke had internal freakouts.
"We done here?" says Momo.
The sun was too damn bright for him, and Naruto's mouth siren was too damn loud. He just wanted a fucking nap.
"That's it, you're dismissed," Kakashi confirms. "Oh, and… tomorrow you better skip breakfast, or else… you'll puke."
Momo was already gone.
"Momo, get up!" Sakura shrieks, pulling Momo's sheets off.
Momo just grumbles, rubbing his face. "Mmm, what time is it?"
"Five AM. You have your ninja thing, remember?" Sakura reminds him. "Now, get dressed. What are you gonna wear?"
"Clothes," Momo snarks back half-heartedly, swinging his legs over the side of his bed.
"What the hell am I going to do with you?" Sakura sighs before rummaging through his drawers.
"Bottom drawer has the ouchie traps," Momo informs her.
"No shit." Sakura snorts. "You told us, like, a billion times."
That was the drawer where Momo kept his important journals, written in braille
"Put this shit on," Sakura says bluntly, throwing a bundle of clothes at him before turning around.
Momo yawns before dressing himself.
Sakura had chosen a mesh undershirt, a black long-sleeved shirt, and a red and white haori jacket Sakura had made with lots of secret pockets, matched with dark grey pants (also Sakura-made; so many pockets!). He bandages his abdomen in lieu of a belt before putting on his tough brown fingerless gloves.
He took the liberty of asking sakura to sew his hitae-ate onto the back of his gloves. Why? Humour.
He's eager to get a chance to hit someone in the face with it. Particularly foreign nin. And maybe say something about how Konoha literally slapped them in the face.
"Thanks for the clothes, Trash. I'm decent," Momo declares.
Sakura snickers. "That's the last word I'd use to describe you."
"Go suck a dick."
"Oh, I might. Yamaguchi-kun is a very pretty boy." Sakura winks with a smirk.
"Ew."
"Grow up."
"No, you."
"YOU! YOU STUPID COCKSUCKING BITCH, I WILL FUCKING RIP YOUR ARMS OFF AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH THEM. I WILL TAKE THAT STUPID MASK OF YOURS AND SHOVE IT SO DEEP DOWN YOUR THROAT YOU'LL SHIT IT OUT!"
Naruto stares in horror at Momo's outburst.
"You, sir, are ten hours late," Momo bitches. "Next time, you will come with a motherfucking late slip, you cuck!"
Kakashi just eye-smiles, the bitch. "A black cat crossed my path, so I had to take the long way around."
"If you're gonna bullshit, bullshit better. You're a fucking ninja, you can do better than that stupid fuckery."
Kakashi blinks. "Well. Let's get started," he says as he puts an analogue clock on a stump. "Here we go. It's set for noon."
Momo scowls as Kakashi holds his bells.
"Your assignment is very simple-"
"Yeah, yeah, take the stupid bells from you. Who gives a fuck? There are two bells, so one of us kicks the bucket of our careers, whatever," Momo snaps. "Do it by noon or no lunch. That's why you told us not to eat. Hell, maybe we'll end up tied to one of those posts. Now let's get on with this shit."
Kakashi blinks. "...Yes. Right on all accounts.
"Yeah, whatever, just say start, you bitch."
Kakashi blinks again. "Okay. Start."
"YEET!" Momo screeches while Sasuke jumps away, and Naruto jumps forward. He quickly lights a match with his teeth (useless yet helpful skill no. 74) and throws a Molotov at Kakashi.
He assumes Kakashi can just sense his chakra, so he doesn't bother to hide. He just sets a bunch of random fires and places stink bombs all over the place, thinking of Hatake's sense of smell.
Do I really want to do this? he thinks unusually. It seems pointless. Kakashi's strong and we pass anyways. This is hopeless.
Momo sighs, before settling in a tree, odd fatigue settling over him. I just want to sleep.
"Yo."
Momo blinks his cinnamon eyes, turning around. He sighs again, before throwing a kunai at him half-heartedly. "...Die, I guess."
"Maa, maa, such little effort," Hatake drawls.
Momo exhales softly. "It's a teamwork test, but it's pointless. Sasuke is an arrogant asshole who believes too much in individualism and Naruto is an independent dumbass with something to prove. Why bother when I'm doomed to fail?"
Kakashi hums. "You're perceptive, aren't you?"
"I'm civilian," Momo replies dryly. "I have to be." Momo had had to work hard to get in the slot with clan kids.
Kakashi shrugs. "Well, since you figured it out, might as well test your genjutsu."
And then Kakashi's gone and Momo feels the genjutsu layered over his person. He blinks, before spotting a very much stabbed Sakura.
Momo scrunches his face up. "Oh, hell no. Kai." A flare of chakra and the fake Sakura was gone.
General
Name: Haruno Momo
Age: Twelve(12)
Gender: Male
Blood Type: O
Birthday: March 28
Characteristics: Haruno Momo is noted to be blunt and vulgar with a tendency to speak his mind. He does not seem to be loyal to many people. He does not respect many people. He does not seem to have any interest in making friends.
Clan Info
Clan Name: Haruno
Symbol: A white circle
History: The Haruno clan is a founding civilian clan specializing in civilian law and advocacy. The Haruno clan is respected among civilians as friendly and helpful, although its influence among shinobi is abysmal.
Kekkei Genkai: Some Haruno descendants develop an inner personality to which provides balance for their actions. For instance, if a Haruno descendant acts polite and apathetic, the personality developed will likely be disrespectful and emotional.
Status: Functional
Physical Attributes
Haruno Momo is soft-faced and will likely grow to become visually appealing. He is small and petite, something favoured among potential targets. Honey pot missions possible if his attitude and personality were adjusted.
Height: 140.8cm (4'71/4")
Weight: 35.7Kg (78.7lbs)
Other: Haruno Momo has one-hundred thirty-three(133) scars of unknown origin locater on his arms/legs/abdomen. Miniscule tattoo of a butterfly between shoulder blades.
[Physical examination by Hyuuga Ryouta(chūnin); March twentieth(20)]
Relationships
Parent(s): Haruno Kizashi(39), Haruno Mebuki(40) - abysmal, Haruno Momo does not show signs of care for his parents.
Sibling(s): Haruno Sakura(12) - undetermined, Haruno Momo does not respect Haruno Sakura, however, he occasionally shows camaraderie with her.
Friend(s): Yamanaka Ino(12) - Haruno Momo seems to have a strange rivalry with Yamanaka Ino. Otherwise, Haruno Momo shows little interest in others his age.
Other: Haruno Momo has shown respect towards Umino Iruka(22), however, he has not shown any similar behaviour with other Academy teachers.
Ninja Information
Birth Village: Konohagakure no Sato
Academy Graduation Age: Twelve(12)
Skill Level: High genin [confirmed by Umino Iruka(chūnin)]
Teammates: Uchiha Sasuke(12, flight risk: high), Uzumaki Naruto (12, Jinchuriki)
Sensei: Umino Iruka (formerly)
Chakra Element: Unknown
Statistics
REFERENCE
1 - 5: E
6 - 8: D
9 - 10: C
11 - 13: B
14 - 16: A
17 - 18: S
Field stats
Ninjutsu: 13 (high chakra levels, does not show interest in specialization)
Genjutsu: 15 (practiced chakra control, possible specialization
Taijutsu: 9 (small stature disadvantage)
Kekkei Genkai: Haruno no Futatsu no Kao*
Chakra Levels: 15
Chakra control: 17 (Specialization encouraged)
Passive stats
Intelligence: 14
Wisdom: 10
Strength: 8
Agility: 15
Dexterity: 13
Stamina: 7
Constitution: 7
Charisma: 4
Attractiveness: 16
Cooperation: 3
Possible Medic
MODERATE FLIGHT RISK
Team 7 composition: Uzumaki Naruto placed with flight risks Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Momo due to his uncanny ability to form bonds. Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke have a prominent rivalry which may encourage them to improve. Haruno Momo's defence/support skillset may balance out Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke's offence skillsets.
Kakashi Hatake(26) may aid Uzumaki Naruto to become more levelheaded and thoughtful. Kakashi Hatake also does not have bias against Uzumaki Naruto, making him more likely to teach him fairly.
Kakashi Hatake possesses the Sharingan (Uchiha clan dōjutsu) thus may educate Uchiha Sasuke once he unlocks the kekkei genkai.
Kakashi Hatake may also aid in mellowing Haruno Momo's personality, as well as physical conditioning and cooperation.
Kakashi sighs at the files he received from the Hokage prior to meeting his genin.
He didn't know what to make of the shit show he was assigned.
A loud brat with a tailed beast in him, a revenge-seeking Uchiha, and a bitchy civilian-born kid.
He'd met his to-be students the day before, and was slightly concerned at the pink-haired boy's lack of tact and the faint-but-distinct smell of sake wafting from his breath.
None of the genin were at all interested in being a team. He'd expected to send them back to the Academy.
But he was surprised.
He isn't sure whether it was a pleasant surprise or not.
The civilian kid with no prior knowledge of ninja proceedings other than the things taught at the Academy was the one who figured out the test's meaning. The one who'd gotten the cooperation of three. Something ranked below his charisma (which Kakashi saw for himself was severely lacking). Below the Uchiha's.
The Uchiha was willing to work with someone at least if it benefited him.
The civilian was decidedly not.
And the civilians had given up so easily. Kakashi expected the boy to at least try. From the kid's file, he had worked hard to be up to par with the clan kids. He didn't drop out or give up the whole time.
But he'd figured out the answer to Kakashi's test and still gave up.
Then, the Uchiha was the one who prompted to break Kakashi's rules and pass the test. The Uchiha fed Naruto who he hates.
Kakashi decides he likes Naruto. At least the idiot was predictable.
He was definitely concerned with Sasuke's incredibly unhealthy goal of becoming a megalomaniac and enacting revenge on his brother, but he'd figure something out eventually.