Chapter 7: Deserters

Amelia leaned back almost instantly, terrified of what she'd just done. Why did she always wind up in these awkward situations around him? She felt like escaping, but Amelia was tired of running away today, and especially from him. Mustering her courage, Amelia looked into Levi's eyes, surprised to see them burning not with anger, but with an expression she had never seen in his eyes before. But it was only for a moment. In the blink of an eye the walls had come back up and his expression was impassive once more. Levi sighed, for once being the first one to break eye contact with her and placed a hand gently on her head.

"Get to sleep brat," he told her, his voice tired but gentle.

Amelia nodded, overcome with her own exhaustion. His hand fell from her head, brushing against her shoulder as it dropped to the ground, making her shiver. Standing, Amelia stared across the small village and out over the plains, taking in the scene for a moment before pulling his cloak from her shoulders. Folding it gently, she handed it to him. Their eyes locked again when he took it from her before she leapt gracefully into the dark sky, falling freely for a moment before extending a wire and swinging easily to the ground and heading inside.

Levi sat in the dark and silent world, holding his cloak on his lap, lost in the endless depths of the sky as if he were seeing it over again for the first time. He could still feel the tender caress of her soft lips against his and the sensation wouldn't go away. Lifting his hand, he rubbed his mouth with it in frustration. This was absolutely ridiculous. She was ridiculous. They were on an expedition beyond the walls, deep within titan territory, and here he was letting himself get distracted by a confused girl.

Groaning, Levi buried his head in his knees, the cloak pressing against his face. The problem was that she wasn't a girl, he thought, breathing in her subtle scent which clung to his cloak the way she had clung to his body only a few hours earlier. He could still feel the way her soft body had felt, cradled in his arms. He had always assumed femininity and fighting were mutually exclusive. Yet here was this soldier who was also irrefutably a woman; both strong and fragile at the same time. How could Amelia contain such paradoxes without splitting apart? And why did it make her so damned interesting?

Levi shook himself from his reverie. He needed to get to sleep. Whatever these thoughts or feelings were that Amelia elicited from him they could wait. His team would be in the search squad positions the next day, rotating to give those who had been more likely to fight a chance to ride in a safer area in the formation. They would be covering new territory the next day and would probably come across more titans than the previous day. Levi knew his priorities, and Amelia was not one of them. He didn't need to spare his thoughts for a girl who had been riding an adrenaline high and reacted to the first person who offered her comfort.

…..

By the end of autumn, Amelia's stats as a member of the Survey Corps had risen to two kills and eight assists, participating in fights at least once in each of the expeditions they crammed into the last months before winter. By the time the first snowfall came, every member of the Corps had been run ragged and they were all extremely ready for a hopefully long winter ahead.

With no expeditions in the near future, the entire mood of the Corps shifted to a much more optimistic one. Amelia found herself hiding from the cold in Hange's lab, enjoying the comforting presence of her superior. If Hange knew anything of what had transpired between herself and Levi earlier in the fall, they had given no indication. The lab was both Amelia's safe haven, and a place to forget that Levi was avoiding her. They'd barely spoken after that expedition and even when Amelia stayed up past curfew, Levi had yet to find and reprimand her for it.

Amelia wouldn't admit to herself how much his treatment hurt her. It wasn't that she was heartbroken—she had reacted impulsively and was still unsure why she'd kissed him. Though she could no longer deny that she found the man attractive. Amelia was more than happy to pretend that her conduct had never happened and go back to the way things had been before the kiss, but that didn't seem to be enough for the Captain. She winced to think how disgusted with her he must have been for him to react the way he had.

So Amelia did the only thing she knew how when she was out of her depth emotionally—she threw herself into whatever she was working on. In previous years it had been an aerial routine which she would practice until her body physically couldn't go through the motions anymore. Now it was to attempt to perfect her double belt 3DMG prototype. Amelia's first design had been much too heavy, the modifications to the gear increasing it by close to ten pounds. She was hoping to keep it under five. The total gear a soldier carried was already nearly forty pounds and adding that much additional weight to it would be too fatiguing for soldiers. But on the other hand, she was worried that making it too light would cause it to be too fragile. It was all about finding that balance.

Amelia jumped when two hands landed on her shoulders, and she looked up into Hange's warm spectacled gaze.

"Even I get out more often than you these days."

"I'm just really close to finishing my design," Amelia responded, relaxing in the Major's presence. Hange was her rock, and Amelia didn't know what she'd do without them.

"You have all winter, Mia, come and enjoy the world around you, you never know when it will disappear. The snow's perfect for packing, let's go give Zacharius a taste of the power of squad Hange!" They finished dramatically, with an intense grin. Mike had accidentally doused Hange with a drift of snow when he was clearing the roof earlier in the week, and Hange had sworn vengeance against him.

"I don't know…" Amelia began before her squad leader cut her off.

"Don't make me turn it into an order brat," Hange said sternly, giving their best impression of Captain Levi. Amelia felt her face warm before she sighed and stood up, stretching and feeling her spine pop pleasantly before following Hange out of the basement lab.

It was an overcast day, but the temperature was mild, and the blistering wind that had been blowing for the past few days had finally died down. Large fluffy snowflakes were drifting lazily through the sky and Amelia couldn't help but pause and appreciate how winter had turned the Survey Corps headquarters into a sparkling white landscape. Amelia emerged to find members of her squad already building a snow fortress behind which to hide, and she couldn't help but laugh at Hange's use of their command. No wonder everyone in the Corps thought they were crazy.

Pulling on her winter cloak—a dark grey fleece-lined version of their green summer cloaks—and stepping into her padded boots, Amelia hurried out the door to join her squad in their preparations for the impending war on Mike Zacharius. Tugging on soft mittens, Amelia began to stock-pile snowballs behind their fort. It wasn't long before Mike headed back to the headquarters, having stuck to his daily running despite the cold, and found himself ambushed by a shower of snowballs.

Diving behind a snow drift he began firing back, his aim perfect, hitting members of her team right and left. Amelia was glad she'd gotten put on snowball making duty, in charge of supplying the snowballs to her team rather than fighting on the front lines. A few Corps members walking by took interest in the snow war, a few even heading over to help Zacharius and even the numbers. Anyone who attempted to head in or out of the front doors of the HQ was mercilessly attacked and forced to join the battle on one of the opposing sides and their numbers quickly swelled to nearly fifty members. The snow war continued to progress viciously and loudly until a grumpy and disheveled Levi appeared in the doorway of the HQ, looking as if he had just woken up from a nap.

"Would you all be so kind as to shut the fuck up?!" Levi yelled at the crowd of snow-covered Corpsmen. Everyone fell into an uneasy silence, sadly getting ready to abandon their battle. Partially out of spite and frustration at Levi's recent treatment of her, and partially being caught up in the moment, Amelia threw a snowball at his retreating form, striking him hard in the side of the head. An audible gasp could be heard among those of both teams as Levi turned a murderous glare on her.

"Attack!" Hange's piercing cry cut into the silence, and their squad began pelting the Captain with snowballs as he rushed to get behind Zacharius's hastily constructed fort. The war resumed with renewed vigor. Hange screamed dramatically when a snowball from Levi hit them directly in the center of their forehead, falling backwards into the snowbank.

"I've been hit," they screamed. "Medic!"

Amelia couldn't help herself, laughter bubbling out of her as Hange gave a dramatic death rattle. Leaping up Amelia rallied her squad.

"Revenge!" She screamed, and her squad cheered at she sounded the charge, running towards the other team in a valiant but suicidal attempt to take vengeance for their fallen leader. Amelia had but one target as she tackled Levi around the middle, both of them rolling over and down another snowdrift well away from the fighting. Leaping to her feet, she scooped up a handful of snow and threw it at Levi who easily dodged. Turning, she ran, and he gave chase. It wasn't long before she felt his arm encircle her waist and the pair went rolling back into the snow. Amelia couldn't stop her laughter as they came to a stop, Levi pinning her beneath him. And she was shocked but pleasantly surprised to see one corner of Levi's mouth drawn up in an amused smirk.

"It seems I am the victor, brat," Levi said contentedly, "I will accept your surrender."

"Never," Amelia replied, struggling to get out from under him, but, grabbing her wrists in his hands, he pinned them over her head in a vice-like grip. She felt her heart skip a beat as he leaned closer to her, his gray eyes piercing.

"Surrender," he repeated again, his breath hot on her ear and neck, and something in the growl of his tone made Amelia's whole body shiver.

"I surrender," she murmured, and he leaned back, observing her with a gleam in his eye. Levi couldn't help but stare at Amelia's freckled skin, her cheeks and the end of her nose turned a soft pink from the cold. Her long hair was splayed out around her in wild curls and her chest rose and fell pleasantly. Lifting a hand, he brushed some snow off her cheek.

"If we're quiet I think we can sneak away from the battle," Amelia suggested with a shy smile.

"We'd be deserters," Levi told her gravely.

"No," she rebuked him. "Only peacemakers."

Rolling off her, Levi offered her a hand and helped her up as they slunk away from the battle. Coming to a stop beneath his window, Levi looked up at it with annoyance, he hadn't brought his 3DMG, and it was well out of reach on the next floor.

"Give me a boost?" Amelia asked, letting her cloak fall to the ground.

Levi cupped his hands into a stirrup for her to put a boot in and thrust up with all his might, ready to catch her if she came tumbling down. To his surprise, Amelia sailed effortlessly into the air, catching his windowsill with ease and pulled herself up. She was kind enough to sit on the sill and remove her boots before entering his office. Levi expected her to throw something down to let him climb up on, but instead she reappeared in his harness, swinging down and grabbing him before he could protest. Levi had never been on the receiving end of being carried by someone wearing the 3DMG and found it terrifying to not have control over the direction they were swinging. He needn't have worried though, they were both soon perched on the sill of his office, while Levi removed his boots grouchily.

"Never do that again Amelia." Levi told her sternly, and she only smiled in response. Her heart fluttered as he used her name for the first time.

"No promises," she replied with a laugh. He rolled his eyes at her.

"Would you… like some tea?" Levi asked awkwardly as they both entered his office, and he felt as though he could kick himself. What was he? Some blushing schoolgirl? But the smile that sprang across Amelia's face drowned out his own self-frustrations.

"I would love some," she agreed instantly.

"Go ahead and get changed first," he told her, examining her drenched uniform. "It'll be ready when you come back."

Amelia practically floated out of the room, and Levi busied himself with putting a kettle over his fireplace and rushing to change. He tried to squash the thoughts of the way her body had felt pinned beneath his own as he dressed, only realizing part way through that he was putting on a fresh uniform. Levi hesitated, remembering that Amelia only had one uniform. He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. Instead pulled on dark slacks and the white dress shirt of his uniform and familiar cravat. It was still pristine and uniform enough to make him feel comfortable but would hopefully put her more at ease.

A tentative knock came from his door just as the kettle began to whistle.

"Come in," Levi said, trying not to sound as though he were giving a command. Turning to pull the pot off of the fire, when he turned back around, he had to stop and blink. Amelia's long ashy hair had been brushed out into soft waves, and she was wearing a casual dress in a muted green that fell all the way to her ankles. The effect was simple but undeniably alluring. The waistline gathered just beneath her breasts, inevitably drawing the attention to that part of her anatomy. Levi pretended not to notice her appearance as he poured the hot water through the tea leaves and into a china teapot to steep.

When he turned back, Amelia had sat down awkwardly in front of his desk and was examining his office, trying not to stare at Levi's own striking appearance. Pouring tea for her, Levi pushed it lightly across his desk, unsure whether he regretted inviting her for tea or not. He could no longer deny that he found the girl attractive, but that was where it ended. Did he really want to encourage more?

Taking the cup gratefully, Amelia sipped the tea, her eyes lingering on his.

"It's delicious," she said in appreciation. "I think it's actually the most delicious tea I've ever had."

"Thank you," Levi said with a small smile. "It's a rare luxury these days, to have good tea, so I try to collect what I can."

"You're a collector?" she asked with a smile, as if observing him in a new light. "I never would have guessed that."

"Why not?" he asked defensively.

"You're so serious all the time," she said with a laugh, "I thought all you did was train, do paperwork, and fight titans."

"I do have a bit more depth than that, Private," he responded mockingly, but she only smiled at him, taking another long sip of the tea.

"Well, prove it," she said at last, playfully, "What deep secret does Captain Levi, humanity's strongest soldier, harbor in his heart?"

"Tch," he leaned back, sipping his tea and appraising the young woman who sat before him. When had she stopped being shy and insecure in his presence? She gazed at him expectantly, and Levi sighed, realizing she expected an answer. "Before I joined the Corps, I dreamed of opening a tea shop above ground in the capital."

Amelia stared at him for a moment. The only people who referred to the capital as above ground were those who had lived in the Underground.

"How long were you down there," she asked quietly, and Levi blinked at her, not believing what she was referring to for a moment.

"…Until I was in my mid-twenties. Erwin recruited me." Levi finally replied, measuring the girl with his unflinching gaze. "You were…? Is that where we met?"

"No," she mumbled, sipping the tea quietly. "I wasn't there nearly as long. I was smuggled out by the time I was ten."

"But I know you," he pressed the issue. After months of trying to figure out where he'd seen her before, his frustration was raw.

"Yes," she agreed, locking eyes with him, smiling gratefully. "You saved my life in Shiganshina."

"You were the tightrope walker," Levi replied in sudden comprehension.

No wonder he hadn't remembered her, the girl's face had been covered in elaborate make-up and colorful powder, a blonde wig covering her hair. He had seen her performance on the way back to the Survey Corps' temporary lodgings after their horrible failure in the field that day. When the building the freaks had been staying in collapsed after being struck by debris from the wall, she'd been trapped in a small crevice, miraculously uninjured.

"You remember…" Amelia said in amazement, she had never expected him to remember who she was.

"Of course," Levi said in annoyance, understanding why her arm strength was so far behind. "You dislocated both of your shoulders to get out of there."

She would have been nursing those injuries through much of her early training in the Cadet Corps if she had joined right away. And once a shoulder was dislocated it was much easier to do it again, no doubt she risked dislocating her shoulder if she spun into the titan's flesh too hard. It was usually necessary to reach high speeds to get deep enough cuts and the jolt against the arms when the knives caught the flesh could be difficult to handle even without previous injuries.

"I would never have done it without you." She said quietly, a slight blush gracing her cheeks. "Thank you for rescuing me."

"You saved yourself Private," he told her seriously, thinking back to that day. He could hear her quavering voice screaming for help, a voice so desperate it had drawn him back despite his better judgment. He could still see her face, distorted by make-up, blood, tears, and horror, but now undeniably recognizable as Amelia's.

"Please, help me," she'd cried out, when he'd knelt down besides the small opening in the debris.

"Are you injured? Can you move?"

"I don't think so, I mean I think I can, I mean… oh god, there's so much blood in here. They're coming, aren't they?"

"Calm the fuck down," he'd commanded her, and her sobs had subsided into quiet sniffling. "I'm going to try to lift this beam as much as I can and if you want to live, you're going to crawl out from under there."

"Yes," she'd agreed instantly, her voice still trembling but filled with a new determination. Levi had braced a shoulder against the beam, shoving up with all of his might, only managing to push it up a few centimeters. But with a scream of pain and audible tearing of ligaments, the girl had somehow managed to squirm part way out, her shoulders at awkward angles.

"Get out of there," Levi had grunted, struggling to keep the beam from falling back down and crushing her.

"I can't!" She'd cried, having extended her legs fully and was unable to push herself anymore. Levi had grabbed the root of her braid roughly, pulling her out of the hole, snatching her up and rocketing away just before a titan's enormous foot crashed down on the debris.

"So that's why you joined the Corps," he said without thinking. "To gain citizenship above ground after your smugglers were killed."

Amelia's eyes flashed icily at him, chilling him to the bone as she set down the teacup. He had never seen that expression of hurt and resentment on her face before and quickly tried to backtrack.

"That's not what—"

"Thank you for the tea, Captain," she stood, heading for the door.

"Amelia," he called after her, moving quickly to catch up to her only to have the door slammed in his face. Levi bristled in frustration. Fine. Two could play at that game.