Chapter 10: Wounded

Amelia gritted her teeth in pain as the wagon rocked beneath her, the horses were racing across the still thawing, rocky ground. Her leg had been torn open by a titan crushing her blade against her right thigh. She had managed to escape by hacking into its wrist with her other blade while Hange had taken the titan with a clean slice to the neck and dragged her away from its steaming carcass. That was how Amelia found herself pressing a bandage to the chest wound of one of her fellow scouts, trying not to die herself. Her leg was bleeding profusely, it looked like she'd missed her artery, but she'd need stitches and more than a little bit of recovery time.

There were five others in the wagon with her, and she was the one in the best shape. A man leaning against the side of the wagon was moaning in continuous pain, a bandage was wrapped around his head, and Amelia was certain he was missing both eyes and part of his face. The air around them was still bitterly cold, but the snow had finally melted enough for the first Scouting Expedition of the year. And now they were riding for the wall after nearly a week of scouting and establishing a new checkpoint. The checkpoints now stretched nearly a third of the way to wall Maria.

A boy a couple of years younger than her lay beside her on the floor of the wagon, and Amelia was trying to staunch his wound. She was almost certain he was bleeding internally, a few ribs broken when a titan had gripped him tightly. His still child-like face was deathly pale and covered in sweat, Amelia recognized him as a member of her graduating cadet corps, but for the life of her she couldn't remember his name. She knew he was a member of Levi's team, under the command of one of his appointed team leaders.

Her attention was drawn away from the injured boy when a red flare from the back of the convoy went up against the gray sky. Amelia's stomach tightened as a titan approached them from a distance. Those on horses galloped ahead of the wagons in order to avoid it, but the wagons could only go so quickly with their extra weight. She could tell that the titan had locked onto their wagon, being one of the ones farthest back and filled with bleeding humans, the smell of which must have been driving it crazy. Drool was rolling down its face, and as it approached, Amelia could tell it was nearly a 7-meter class.

Amelia hadn't removed her equipment, instead deciding to tighten the straps of her harness across her right thigh to help stop the bleeding. She wasn't sure what she'd be able to do as she struggled to her feet, her thigh screaming in agony. The titan was almost upon them now, leaning down with its mouth wide and arms reaching for the man whose head was wrapped in a bandage.

"Gaahhh!" Amelia screamed, launching herself at the titan's face as its fingers brushed the injured man beside her. She could feel the resistance against her knives when they plunged into its eyes and its scream was deafening as she dropped to the ground, rolling away from it. Amelia couldn't help her cry of pain, she could feel something give out in her right leg when she hit the ground, and when she tried to stand up, her leg wouldn't support her weight. She couldn't help the tears in her eyes as she watched the wagon pulling father and farther away from her.

"Don't leave me," she choked out in desperation, crawling forward across the cold earth. Her thigh felt as though it was being torn off each time it scraped across the ground, dirt working its way deeper inside her wound. When the thudding of footsteps began, Amelia managed to drag herself up and hobble a couple of desperate steps before crashing to the ground once again. Flipping onto her back, all of her blades spent and unable to use her 3DMG, Amelia stared up in horror at the approaching titan, its huge hand reaching down, grabbing her by her left leg and lifting her into the air. Her scream died in her throat from sheer terror, and all Amelia could do was stare down the titan's open mouth. She was going to die. Amelia closed her eyes as the titan dropped her, falling towards its gaping mouth, tears flowing unhindered.

The sudden impact to her right side knocked the breath out of her, Amelia's fingernails dug deeply into the shoulders of her savior, hanging on as he swung out of reach of the titan and onto a horse, galloping hard away from the titan. She heard an enormous thud as the titan crashed to the ground, and another horse galloped after them. All Amelia could do was sob in relief, shaking at the thought of what had almost happened.

Levi watched Amelia cry into Gunther's chest as they galloped to catch up with the rest of the convoy, wall Rose looming ever closer in the distance. His stomach clenched tightly as he struggled to tear his gaze from her. He and Gunther had been riding hard towards the back of the column when the red flare had gone up, and Levi had known they weren't going to make it in time to prevent more loss of life. When the titan had suddenly stopped and cried out in pain, they'd been too far to see exactly what had happened, but Levi could put it together when the titan had lifted Amelia into the air, its eyes healing around the blades imbedded deep within them.

Levi jumped off his horse as soon as the gate to wall Rose slammed shut behind them, gathering Amelia out of Gunther's arms and carrying her to a wagon, he could feel her blood seeping into his uniform but didn't care. Laying her on the back of the wagon, she clutched desperately at his cloak, her face pale from blood-loss. Levi looked up at her haunted eyes, she was obviously still in shock from what had happened.

"Don't leave me," she mumbled.

"I need to look at your leg, you're losing a lot of blood."

"Don't leave me," Amelia repeated numbly and Levi sighed, pulling himself into the wagon, sitting against its side and wrapping her in his arms. She leaned against him and closed her eyes, still shaking from shock. Taking the moment to look at her leg, he grimaced at the torn skin and dirt buried deep inside of it. Tugging his cravat out of his collar, Levi pressed it against the length of her wound, hoping that would be enough for now.

"Mia!" Came the concerned voice of her squad leader, Hange moving quickly towards their wagon on her horse. The sound of their voice seemed to snap Amelia partially out of her stupor as she struggled to stand. Levi locked her in an iron grip, grabbing her jaw with one hand and forcing her to lock eyes with him.

"If you move, you're going to make the bleeding worse." He wasn't sure if she comprehended what he said, but the sound of his voice seemed to calm her somewhat, and she settled back into his arms and closed her eyes.

"How is she Levi?" Hange asked, looking over their squad member with worried affection. Levi knew Hange and Amelia were extremely close, the rumor being that Hange was already grooming her to fill their position should the need arise.

"She's in shock. She reopened her wound when she defended the wounded against that titan. She needs medical attention right away."

Hange nodded in response, their normally jovial face creased in serious lines as they cantered forward to locate a medic. Levi found himself sitting alone with Amelia, surrounded only by the other wounded and their soft moans. He could hear the disgusted comments of the crowd that had gathered around them as they moved through Trost District but tuned them out and focused on her pale face. Her freckles stood out vividly against her white skin, her braided hair was grimy and dark from a week without a shower, and her uniform muddy and torn from being dragged across the ground.

Levi sighed, and shut his eyes, leaning back against the wagon, unwilling to look at her like this. She was so vulnerable and broken, and he knew she'd be upset later to learn that he'd been the one to care for her like this. After their slip-up during the winter expedition, he'd woken up alone, well before the gray of dawn, the dying fire beside him warming his aching body. She'd been the one to leave in the middle of the night to find another place to sleep. They had ridden back to the group in tense silence, and she'd kept her hood pulled up so he couldn't see her face, but he knew it was a deep red of embarrassment and regret at what had transpired between them. They hadn't been speaking except when necessary since the incident on the winter expedition. It wasn't the cold irritation of their previous fights but an awkward hesitancy that he detested. More than anything, Levi hated the feverish sickness he felt when he recalled the way her body had pressed sensuously against his own.

And here they were once again, Amelia cradled in his arms, her strong body inexplicably soft and vulnerable. The warmth of her skin seeping into him like a disease that he couldn't, wouldn't, escape. It was with much relief that he handed her off to Hange when they at last came to their temporary lodgings within the district. Her warm eyes opened for just a moment as her body left his arms, and he felt a sharp pain in his chest at the look of relief that was there.

Hange cradled her like a child, Amelia's arms wrapped around their neck, and Levi couldn't help his frustration at the intimacy and trust that was so evident between the two of them. Running a hand through his unwashed hair, Levi quickly turned away, moving back to the wagon to help the rest of the wounded. Dereck Hayden lay unmoving upon the floor of the wagon, a member of Levi's team. The cadet had shown a lot of promise and an unfailing optimism that drove Levi insane. Bending down, Levi sighed. Another bright life extinguished by the titans. Pulling out a knife, he cut off the wings of freedom insignia off Dereck's uniform, tucking it into his pocket. It would go with all the others, all of his subordinates who had died fighting over the years.

"I will carry on your fight," Levi promised the boy, his voice hollow as he turned away and jumped down, heading for the showers, his mood black.

…..

A few weeks later, Amelia hobbled down the hallway on her crutches, her leg still extremely tender from her injury. She found herself staring forlornly out of the window at the billowing snow that whipped around the HQ. The unexpected mid-Spring snowstorm had hit the day before and showed no signs of stopping. It was extremely fortunate it hadn't hit during their first expedition, the thought of that possibility made Amelia feel sick to her stomach.

Most of the Survey Corps had gone on leave, visiting family after the expedition, since the storm had grounded them for another couple of days. Only a skeleton crew remained behind at HQ, and Amelia was enjoying the quiet. Strolling—or hobbling—down the empty halls helped in her recuperation. Her leg was dark from bruising still, a thick, gruesome scab curving down her thigh, but it was no longer open and bleeding. The painful hours of having her wound cleaned out and stitched together seemed to have benefitted her. There were no signs of infection.

As Amelia continued her slow journey across headquarters, she found herself outside of his room. She'd been avoiding coming here since she'd been given permission to get out of bed, but she knew it was time. Levi hadn't visited her while she was in the hospital, so she hadn't had an opportunity to thank him. It was hanging over her head like a lead weight, and Amelia knew she wouldn't feel content until she'd spoken to him in person. Standing agitatedly outside of his personal quarters, she hesitated, her mind flustered. Amelia had walked past his office earlier in the day to find it empty. Leaning against one crutch she lifted a hand slowly, her knuckles hovering a few centimeters from the hard wood, but she couldn't bring herself to knock.

"Tch." Came a derisive click from behind her, and Amelia winced, turning slowly to find Levi standing there. He was rubbing a towel through his damp hair, his bare chest still glistening from his shower, pants hugging his hips tightly. Damn, Amelia thought, her eyes following the water droplets that dripped tantalizingly down his toned abdomen.

"If you're going to undress me with your eyes, there's a bed behind that door." Levi told her crudely, his eyes narrowed in annoyance. He expected her to blush and scamper away at that, but, Amelia only gave him a tired smile and moved out of his way.

Levi pushed the door open, brushing past her and grabbed a fresh shirt out of the mahogany dresser against the far wall of his room. Tugging it on, he turned to see Amelia standing in the doorway and motioned her in with a brusque wave of his hand, the door swinging shut behind her. Her hair was up in a messy bun today and she was sporting a simple skirt and shirt, probably easier to get over her bandaged leg than the tight pants of her uniform. Levi dropped into a chair and looked at her expectantly.

"Sit." He told her, and Amelia wasn't sure whether it was a command or an invitation.

Levi had taken the only chair in the room, so she hobbled over to the bed, leaning her crutches against it and gingerly lowered herself onto it. Levi watched Amelia's eyes light up with delight as she sank into the mattress, and she fell backwards onto his bed with a happy sigh, squirming into the soft linens, her back arching enticingly. What was she, a goddamn cat?

"So this is what it's like to be an officer," she commented enviously. The bedding in the barracks left much to be desired.

"Did you need something, brat?" he hinted in annoyance as she mussed his pristine bed, the covers hopelessly wrinkled. Pulling herself up mournfully, Amelia's eyes locked with his. His stomach flipped against his will as her expression grew serious.

"I wanted to thank you," she told him earnestly. "For saving my life."

"You should be thanking Gunther, he's the one who saved you." Levi tried to brush it off, but she wouldn't have it.

"I did already, when he came to visit me in the hospital, but we might have both died without your help," Amelia told him, and Levi looked away from her and out the frosty window.

He hadn't been able to bring himself to visit her while she was bedridden. If she'd known how many times he'd found himself standing outside of the door to her room or pacing the floor before his bed, he didn't know what she'd think of him. Instead, he'd constrained himself to getting news through her attending physician or overhearing Hange and Mike's conversations. Levi had almost gone in one day when Mike had rounded the corner with a bouquet of flowers. Levi had hurried away, empty-handed, before his fellow squad leader could see him.

"I should have gone to see you." Levi found himself saying, half of him biting back the words as they left his lips. Amelia shrugged, clearly not offended.

"To be honest I was so tired I'm glad you didn't," she smiled softly, and Levi couldn't help wondering how he'd forgotten the way her smile lit up a room. "It was really frustrating when people kept coming in, and I had to talk to them."

Amelia's gentle laughter brought a life to the atmosphere of his quarters that hadn't been there in ages. He found the corner of his lips threatening to tug back in response but was able to successfully resist the urge.

"Too tired even for Captain Zacharius' visit?"

Levi had meant his retort to come out mockingly but to his disgust he'd managed only a conversational tone. Amelia giggled again at some private joke, drawing his eyes to hers curiously.

"Don't tell Mike, but I have awful allergies, I had to throw the flowers out right away." Amelia told him conspiratorially.

"So it's Mike now?" Levi responded accusingly, and Amelia fell silent, casting her eyes down as she gently rubbed her leg. He didn't know why he'd reacted that way to Amelia calling Zacharius by his first name. It's not as if he had any claim on her. They'd fucked. So what? He didn't own the girl.

"How is that feeling?" Levi managed to get out after a moment. He could hear an audible sigh of relief from her that he'd broken the tense silence.

"It's healing… slowly," she answered with a wince. "But it's sore and tight, I've been getting awful cramps at night."

"Can I…" Levi trailed off almost in time to keep he inappropriate question from being voiced, but Amelia, shrewd as ever, immediately put the rest of his sentence together.

"Oh," she said, obvious surprise in her voice. "Sure."

Levi found himself at her side almost before he'd realized what had happened, kneeling in front of her, his nimble fingers pushing the hem of her skirt up her ankle. His eyes watching hers for any sign of discomfort as his fingers passed her knee. Though a faint flush had risen to her cheeks, her eyes were full of trust. It was something he didn't understand about her—the ability to trust so easily. How had someone like her come from that same dark hole he'd clawed his way out of? Pushing her skirt higher, he revealed the milky whiteness of her thigh. It was stained a myriad of dark colors from the bruising. A disagreeable red and brown line ran down the outside of her thigh and his fingers fluttered across it.

"It's nothing to worry about," she told him, her voice breathy at the feel of his hands on her leg.

"I don't need to hear that shit from you," he snapped at her irritably, his eyes not leaving the wound. "I should have kept you safe."

Amelia stared at his dark head in shock, wondering what had happened to the crude, standoffish Levi she'd come to know. Instead, here he was, crouched in front of her, his eyes full of tired regret, more vulnerable than she'd ever believed he could be. She could feel warning bells going off in her own mind. She'd left him alone that winter night for a reason, after all. Amelia had been afraid. Afraid of getting too close to someone in the Survey Corps.

When she'd joined, she'd known that one day—likely sooner rather than later—she was going to be killed. It was the risk they all took for the sake of humanity. It was a risk she was happy to take. She had given her heart to humanity. But did that mean there was also room to give her heart to a man? Was it worth the risk? If she got close to someone and watched them die, would she have the strength to go on, to keep fighting? It was these fears that had scared her away from him. But now he was here, vulnerable and hurting, and all she wanted to do was comfort him. Bending down, she let her arms wrap around his shoulders, her head against his.

"You did keep me safe," Amelia reassured him, "I'm right here."

"You were almost…"

Levi couldn't find the words to describe the moment he'd seen the titan dangling Amelia above its mouth. Sharp, merciless teeth pulled back in a hideous grin. For a horrifying moment he thought they wouldn't make it in time. He was so certain he was going to watch her die. And again when he'd taken her out of Gunther's arms, her blood covering his shirt. Had they snatched her from the jaws of the titan only to have death consume her anyways?

"It wasn't that I was afraid to die," Amelia mumbled, remembering those moments she'd thought were her last, "But staring down into the dark pit of the titan's throat, it felt too much like being consumed by the Underground again. I swore to myself the day my mother wasted away from the darkness that I would get out and never ever go back. If I have to die, I want it to be outside, under a bright sky and brilliant sunlight. Thank you for saving me from the dark."