Chapter 16: Walls
Amelia grinned at Petra over their steaming mugs of coffee. They were relaxing on the patio of a coffee house in Trost district in the early morning light, the air still carrying the chill of spring but the clear blue sky and the bright sun promising to bring the warmth of early summer with it. Amelia enjoyed the taste of coffee in the morning, the smell of it alone bringing alertness and coherence. Overall, tea was her favorite choice, but she was enjoying her time with Petra at the coffee house regardless. The encounter with the military police had done so much to heal their friendship. Amelia could be grateful to Major Sannes for that at least. Though they hadn't spoken about Levi, Petra appeared to have recovered from the surprise of their relationship and whatever jealousy had been there was now gone. Amelia wondered if it had anything to do with the extra time she'd been spending with Oluo these days.
"What all do we have to get today?" Amelia inquired conspiratorially, and Petra winked back, pulling a shopping list out of her jacket pocket. The two women bent their heads over it, giggling softly to each other.
"Ladies," came Oluo's voice as he leaned against the railing between the sidewalk and the patio. The two turned to him with smiles and Amelia looked around curiously.
"Where's Eld?" Petra asked, they were all supposed to meet there, Amelia and herself having awoken earlier to spend some time together before their meeting.
"Gunther's knee was worse this morning," Oluo responded, "So Eld had to take over the task of keeping the Captain busy."
"Why don't you two get the first half of the list, and I'll work on the second," Amelia suggested immediately and Petra's and Oluo's faces tinged the slightest shade of pink at that. Before either of them could object, Amelia stood up and hurried away, smiling to herself. She needed to get a few things not on the list anyway so it was to both of their benefits. Glancing over her shoulder, she watched as the two headed off in the other direction, already arguing over something. Amelia shook her head with a sigh and a laugh.
Amelia moved through Trost's shopping district, slowly accumulating items that they'd be using for tonight, thinking back on the past couple of days. She'd gone to Erwin's office almost immediately after she'd woken the next day and thanked him excessively. Apologizing profusely for the trouble she'd unwillingly caused. Erwin had listened patiently while she babbled on in front of him, and Amelia was so grateful she was under the command of this giant among men. When she'd attempted to get out of the promotion he'd given her under the eye of Major Sannes, he'd finally cut her off.
"I never reward anyone unduly nor do I go back on my word," he'd told her firmly, his blue eyes sharp and piercing. "Your performance on this last expedition was exceptional. You killed more titans than anyone who was not at least three ranks above you, and you did it with notable injuries. In addition, your double belt system's first field test appears to have been a success."
"Thank you, sir," she could only respond, unable to find any other words to adequately express how she felt. Her encounter with Levi hadn't gone nearly as well. He was sitting in his office when she found him, a newspaper covering his face, a cup of steaming tea in front of him. Her eyes immediately focused on his knuckles which were bright red and freshly scabbed over. Amelia had immediately reached out a hand to touch his in concern, but he'd pulled away.
"Levi?" she'd questioned but he'd remained silent, so she decided to sit there and wait him out.
After nearly an hour of him not acknowledging her, she'd grown incredibly frustrated. Turning towards the door, Amelia was intent on leaving and not speaking to him until he came crawling back, but as her fingers brushed the handle, she changed her mind. Stalking back to his desk, she tore the newspaper out of his grip and smashed the cup of tea off the desk with the back of her hand, hitting it so hard that it shattered against the wall, tea dripping down it and onto the floor. For only an instant Levi sat there in shock, an expression she'd never seen on his face before. Then his eyes flashed with anger. Standing up, his fingertips splayed across the desk, and he leaned forward with eyes narrowed dangerously. It was a look that would make anyone else shake in terror, but Amelia crossed her arms over her chest and stared right back at him.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing Lance Corporal?" He began, his voice almost a growl.
"It's Lieutenant now, actually, sir." She informed him evenly. "And what the fuck are you doing? You can't just ignore me. What's wrong?"
"I can do whatever I damn well please—"
"No, Levi. You can't," she cut him off, moving her hands to her hips. "That's not how a relationship works."
They were silent for a moment while Levi tried to smother his frustration, but Amelia wasn't ready to let him shut back down and go back to staring at her impassively. Instead, she walked around his desk and glared at him.
"Why the hell are you angry at me?!"
When he tried to turn away, she grabbed his arm to make him stay and continued on.
"Dammit Levi, tell me what's wrong, don't put up walls. My whole life has been centered around walls, breaking through them, hiding behind them, being trapped by them, I'm sick to death of walls. I don't want there to be any between us."
Levi wrenched his arm out of her grasp, and Amelia hissed in pain at the tug on her tender shoulder and that finally made him pause and sigh, running a hand through his hair. Falling into his chair his forehead fell into one of his hands in frustration.
"It isn't… I don't…," Levi sighed and looked up at her, gesturing between the two of them. "This isn't easy for me, Amelia. The way you make me feel… it's terrifying. If Erwin hadn't come in when he had, I would have torn Sannes apart. I wanted to protect you, and I… couldn't."
"Levi…" Amelia breathed in surprise, kneeling in front of him and taking his hands in her own. "It means so much to me that you feel that way, but I don't always need protecting. You may be humanity's strongest soldier, but I can take care of myself you know."
"I'm aware of—"
Amelia pressed a finger to his lips. She wanted to finish.
"You're not always going to be able to protect me either." She told him seriously. "You poor man… you're going to outlive all of us."
"Don't say that." He said sharply, but Amelia shook her head.
"That's the price you'll pay for being humanity's strongest."
"I won't let you die."
"Everyone dies, Levi."
Amelia shook her head at the memory of that encounter, she and Levi had talked minimally since then. Acting awkwardly around each other as he processed what she'd said to him. It made her sick to her stomach to see him acting like that around her, but the look in his eyes when she'd catch him staring at her from across the room assured her that she hadn't lost his affection. She had decided to simply be patient for now.
The sun was high in the sky over Trost district as Amelia carried a couple bags on her arm. She reexamined the small dark blue pot that she'd purchased, trying to decide whether it was adequate or not. With a shake of her head, she returned the pot to one of the bags and walked through the arch to the library, waving at Everly as she headed towards the public records section. Amelia knew she shouldn't have come here so soon after the intervention by the military police, but she was too much like her Squad Leader—exceptionally curious. Besides, they had agreed to meet outside the library when they were done shopping, so stepping inside of it wouldn't hurt.
It didn't take her long to find records of births and deaths. Flipping through them, she read Doctor Colman's obituary. She was surprised at how young he was, only in his early thirties, recently engaged to a Miss Sophia Weatherly who had passed away in the same house fire that had claimed his life. The cause of the fire was not stated, and the response was fast enough to keep it from spreading at all. No autopsies had been performed, and there was no information on the official cause of death for either of them.
Amelia returned the file to its proper place, frowning as she turned to leave. The file on Dr. Colman and his fiancée was strange, if she hadn't known the interest those men had in his research, she wouldn't have thought much of it, but the idea that there was something murderous in their deaths seemed almost too much to be believed. Wiping her hand across her forehead, Amelia stepped into a shaded alleyway to get out of the sun while she waited for Petra and Oluo and she pondered the possibilities. She didn't realize there was a man there with her until he spoke.
"Back again, girl?" Came his abrasive voice, and Amelia jumped, turning to see the man in the trench coat and fedora.
"It is a public library," she told him sharply, glaring at the man. Amelia was usually good at determining when someone was near her, her life had depended on that skill for many years, and the fact that this man was ghost-like enough that she wouldn't notice his approach made her extremely nervous. "Do you frequently hide in alleyways?"
"They were once as familiar to me as a home." He met her retort with a dangerous smile, and Amelia gulped as his eyes swept slowly over her, analyzing her to the core of her being. "That's an interesting belt you're wearing."
Amelia remained silent and shifted the bags she was carrying in front of her double belt device. For some reason, she didn't want this man to see it. They continued to stand there in silence for a few more moments before he scowled at her and Amelia was prepared to drop her bags and defend herself the instant she needed to.
"Presents for your boyfriend?" He asked sarcastically, and Amelia's cheeks colored as she bristled at him.
"I don't see how that's any of your damn business." She snarled and scowled right back.
"Every goddamn thing you do from now on is my business, brat." He informed her, and Amelia was surprised by how much his mannerisms reminded her of Levi.
"Amelia!" Petra's voice wafted across the courtyard and Amelia turned to see Petra approaching, Oluo struggling behind with a few heavy bags. When she looked back, the man was gone.
…
Levi was sitting on the edge of his bed in his room, staring into space. A book was perched on his lap, but he hadn't actually flipped a page in quite a while. The sound of Amelia's laughter kept flitting through his mind or the way her freckled cheeks would tinge red when she was embarrassed. He could count from memory each line of her nose when she crinkled it in concentration, and it made his chest ache. Levi sighed in frustration when he realized he'd forgotten everything he'd just read and closed the book with finality, setting it on the nightstand. His knuckles were still healing from where he'd torn them open, having beaten the punching bag in the training area until they were bleeding after Erwin had dismissed him, imagining that he was hitting Sannes with each throw. It was too early for sleep and his bed felt so empty without her sprawled across it, threatening to push him completely off.
'Everyone dies Levi.' Her voice echoed in his memory, and Levi pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.
Yes, that was true, he knew it better than most, but the idea of her wasting away like so many in the Underground or being devoured hideously by a titan made him feel sick. He didn't understand how any one person could make him feel so strongly. He knew that what he felt for Amelia was more than he'd felt for anyone before, but he hadn't expected that feeling to keep growing as he got to know her and spent more time with her. Every time he felt like his feelings for her filled him to bursting, he somehow found yet more room to grow. Would these feelings ever stop? And if she did die? What then? What kind of hole would she leave in the space these feelings were filling? Did he… love her?
"Captain!" Petra burst into his door in panic and Levi blinked at her, surprised to find her dressed in civilian clothes. He rarely saw Petra out of uniform. "Come quickly!"
Turning with a twirl of her skirt, Petra ran off, and Levi leaped up and immediately followed her as she raced through the HQ. Millions of questions raced through his head as he followed her, she seemed so panicked, an emotion she never had. What could have happened that caused such an expression on her face. Having a head start on him she ran into the side room first and when Levi raced in he had to skid to a halt to avoid running into a table with a brightly decorated cake covered in candles.
"Happy birthday!" came six celebratory voices, and Levi looked around the room, his eyes sliding from face to face. From Petra to Oluo, to Eld, to Gunther, to Hange… to Amelia. His tension melted slowly out of his body as he glanced up at streamers hung from the ceiling, Hange was even sprouting a party hat in place of their ponytail.
"Don't even think about it," he informed Hange when they attempted to place one on his head.
"You're supposed to blow out the candles," Amelia informed him with a smile, approaching him and interlacing her fingers with his, making his heart thud in his chest. "There are thirty-three of them."
Taking a deep breath, Levi blew them all out amid the celebrations of his team and the explosions of confetti poppers which showered him in colorful pieces of foil. The sight of the usually fearsome Captain Levi like this led to a bout of laughter from the onlookers, and Amelia lifted a hand, affectionately brushing some of the confetti out of his hair.
Levi found himself relaxing more than he had in ages as they sat around the table, talking and laughing. The cake was delicious and, based on the flour splotches on Amelia, Petra, and Oluo, apparently home-made. They had obviously made tea and to Levi it tasted better than any he'd had in his life. Erwin even came in part way through and enjoyed a slice of cake, chatting amicably with Levi and Hange, glancing at Levi Amelia's interlaced hands in approval.
Presents were unceremoniously piled on Levi's lap, and he found himself sorting through them with a small smile on his face. A few sets of fresh cravats from Petra who knew how many he went through when they were stained. A utility knife with his name inscribed on it from Eld, fresh quills and inks of various colors from Gunther and boot polish and a patching kit from Erwin. And lastly, an impressively well-done watercolor depiction of Levi and his team from Oluo who looked embarrassed by all the compliments he received, especially from Petra. Hange's gift of cleaning rags and a broom was less well received, but Levi was almost disappointed in himself to find that he was already thinking of ways to put them to good use.
He hadn't noticed that Amelia had slipped out of the room until he'd finished exploring his new gifts. It was well into the night by the time the cake was finished, and the celebration had wound down, and Levi found himself unceremoniously shooed out of the room by Petra who promised it would be pristinely cleaned and his gifts would be taken to his office.
Levi jumped when Amelia's hand grabbed his, and she smiled at him happily, pulling him along the hallway back towards his room. When they entered, his eyes were drawn to the windowsill where the moon brightly illuminated a small plant growing in a navy-blue pot. Levi froze, it was unmistakably a Camellia plant, from which a myriad of tea was distilled. Its small white blossoms were gleaming in the soft light of and moon and stars, and Levi was left speechless.
"I hope you like it," Amelia's voice interrupted his staring, her flushed face evident even in the dark. "I know it's a little worse for wear, but it should recover. Since you can't have your tea shop, I hope this will do."
"It's perfect," Levi told her, cupping her cheek in his hand and leaning in to kiss her. Even if it killed him, he would never let this woman go.