Chapter 18: Recovering

The stench of the wounded hung heavily in the humid summer air inside of the hospital. The windows were thrown open in the hopes of cooling the room, but the air outside was thick with heat from the bright sun and no breeze was evident. Sweat trickled down Amelia's temple and she wiped it away, sitting beside the Donovan's cot where she tossed and turned feverishly. Amelia pressed a damp rag to the sides of her face, dabbing the sweat and trying to cool her. Her arm wound had become infected a week after being in the hospital and she was now battling disease, being mostly unconscious for the past two days.

Looking up, Amelia watched Donovan's fiancé, Victor, sit down on the opposite side of her, his face stricken and pale. They had met at her bedside often and though words were rarely spoken between them, the companionship was welcomed by both. He was a handsome young man with dusty blonde hair and chiseled features which Amelia was certain would look even more attractive when he smiled. Victor's large hands gripped Donovan's tightly and Amelia offered him the rag which he accepted gratefully, wiping the sweat from her face tenderly.

"Thank you, for helping look after Lanie," he spoke at last. Amelia swallowed uncomfortably, only nodding in response, feeling completely undeserving of the compliment. She felt so responsible for what had happened to Donovan. If she had been faster or more skilled, surely Lane would still have her arm.

But Amelia's guilt over Lane Donovan's situation was nothing compared to how she felt about Hannah. Hannah had been the youngest and sweetest of her recruits, she had an inability for ill-will and had been especially dear to everyone on her team. Hannah was a native of Trost district, and Amelia had decided to inform her family face-to-face. Hannah had been a single child of two elderly parents and the horror in the eyes of Mr. and Mrs. Reeves was forever ingrained in Amelia's mind. Mrs. Reeves had fallen to her knees, racked in sobs and her father had stared at Amelia hollowly, tears streaming silently down his cheeks.

A hand landed softly on her shoulder, pulling Amelia from her painful recollections and she looked up into Levi's dark eyes. He had also been frequenting the hospital as Oluo had sustained some deep cuts and bruises as well as two broken ribs when the deviant titan had sent him flying.

"Hange needs you back at HQ," he informed her and walked with her to the entrance after she took leave of Victor. Amelia walked morosely at his side and was surprised as he tugged her sharply into the alleyway outside of the hospital.

"Levi!" she exclaimed in surprise but was immediately silenced by the stern look in his eyes.

"Pull your shit together Amelia," he told her bluntly, and Amelia started in surprise at his hostility, anger stirring in the pit of her stomach. Who was he to tell her when to get over the death and possibly mortal injury of her subordinates? Opening her mouth to give him a venomous retort Amelia, grunted against his hand which clamped down hard across her mouth, and his dark eyes locked with hers, cutting into her soul.

"Your team is falling apart." He informed her, and Amelia looked down in shame, she knew he was right. Yumi blamed herself for running away, Edwin who had been close friends with Hannah barely spoke anymore, and Anderson had begun acting out again no longer trusting her authority. "They've been looking to you for guidance and all you've been doing is ignoring them and spending all of your time with your injured team member."

"What the hell am I supposed to do!?" Amelia yelled at him, ripping his hand from her mouth in frustration, tears dripping from her eyes. "Hannah is dead, Donovan could go any day, and I could have prevented it! I didn't train hard enough. I didn't prepare them well enough! I don't know if I can do this Levi."

"Then turn your team over to someone else." He answered coldly, and Amelia was shocked into silence. "You made a choice, Mia, you didn't know what was going to happen. This world is fully of shitty circumstances. If you feel that you've failed, then you had damn well better do everything you can to prepare for the next choice you have to make so you can live with the outcome. Guilt and regret come with command, get used to it."

Amelia nodded silently, wiping her tears from her face and looking at him with renewed confidence. Levi continued to look at her impassively for a few moments longer, making sure that what he'd said had really gotten through to her. With a sigh, he pulled Amelia into his arms, tucked her head into the crook of his neck and caressed her hair gently. She gripped him tightly, her nails digging into his back, but she did not cry again, already steeling her will against her feelings. Levi wished they could live in a world where she didn't have to take this responsibility on her shoulders, a world where he could carry it all for her. For now, all he could do was hold her. But he knew that Amelia was incredibly strong, more than even she dared to believe, and he knew she would get through this.

"I have to go see Major Hange," Amelia said, pulling away from him, her face impassive.

"Yes." He answered, his stomach tightening at the hidden pain in her eyes that she could no longer share with him. The tender kiss she gave him belayed any hint of anger he might have thought she held towards him.

"Give Oluo my best," she told him as she pulled away with a small smile on her face and he nodded, their fingers hesitantly slipping apart as she turned away. Fighting the urge to pull her back into his arms, Levi headed back into the hospital.

As much as Levi had been worrying about Amelia, Amelia had been worrying about Hange. Hange had spent almost their entire time in their lab, appearing more obsessive than usual. Every time Amelia had seen them, which was rare, Hange had appeared more and more irate and frustrated. Reliable sources held that Hange had broken Erwin's direct orders and had attempted to capture the deviant titan which had led to Oluo's injuries. The capture had been unsuccessful, and Levi had been forced to kill it.

Amelia knew they had recovered the corpse of Ilse Langnar who had been the Squad Leader before Ness. Ilse had been presumed dead a year ago after her flank had been decimated by titans, but she had evidently survived long enough to get into the forest where the titans had been coming after her corpse. Why the titans had only just noticed Ilse's corpse was a mystery, perhaps the deviant who had been protecting it had become injured in some way, allowing the titans to get close. Amelia did not know what Hange had discovered in Ilse's notebook, but it had been enough that Erwin had immediately accepted Hange's titan-capture proposal.

Amelia entered the lab with more trepidation than she ever had, worried about what she'd see. Hange was bent over their desk, scribbling away. Hair mussed, they looked thin and pallid. When they heard Amelia's footsteps Hange turned on her with haunted and obsessive eyes. Amelia nearly stepped back in alarm as Hange approached her, placing both hands on her shoulders and looking desperately into her eyes.

"Mia. How do I capture a titan?" A conspiratorial grin spread across both of their faces as Hange drew her close and the pair looked over the ideas they'd come up with so far.

…..

Levi could hear giggling as he hovered outside of the door to Hange's lab. He'd sent Amelia there hours ago and she had yet to emerge. His concern was apparently ill-placed based on the laughter and snorting that came from the two. With a sigh of resignation, he opened the door, looking as miserable as he could manage and observed the two pair passing back and forth the remnants of a bottle of whiskey. Levi did not know where Hange had gotten the bottle, but the two looked up at him quite drunk, and he already regretted coming to check on Amelia. Hange stumbled towards him and leaned on his shoulder, looking down at him.

"L-levi," Hange grinned as their full weight pressed on his shoulders, and he sighed in barely concealed resentment. "You-you're never guess how we're gonna capture the titans."

"No shit," he responded drily, and Amelia giggled from where she was sitting, holding a notepad, her cheeks tinged a pleasant pink in her drunkenness. He couldn't help but stare at her, her mane of hair falling freely down her back, dark eyes bright and loving as they looked at him. Hange snickered into his ear as if their plan was a great laugh.

"We're gonna shoot an ass-ton of arrows in them." She informed him, and Amelia and Hange broke into ruckus laughter making Levi click his tongue in derision. Walking forward, he took Amelia by the arm and helped her to stand. He had no doubt that whatever insane plan they'd hatched would in fact be brilliant, but that didn't mean he had to suffer Hange's drunken attentions. Before he could remove himself and Amelia from the lab, Hange had gripped his shoulders seriously, looking into his eyes.

"I'm s-so happy for you," Hange told him with a hiccough. "I-I told you to go for it, a-and you did. I'm s-so p-proud of you."

Levi peeled Hange's hand off his shoulder in controlled disgust as Amelia chortled beside him. Pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingertips, Levi resigned himself to escorting Hange to bed as well. The two hung onto him and each other when they were not stumbling around the hallway getting strange looks from everyone they passed. Levi was grateful when Mike Zacharius approached them and Hange leaned against him.

"Mike," Amelia exclaimed, hugging the Captain happily. Levi swallowed his jealousy at this, knowing that she and Zacharius were good friends. "I just finished your belt."

"I'll be glad to try it." He answered evenly, observing the two drunken individuals with reserved amusement. Amelia had been working on new belts for the Squad Leaders over the past week.

"I want oooone," Hange complained, and Amelia began to explain that theirs was almost finished.

Levi tried not to roll his eyes at the scene in front of him, glad for them to finally part, Zacharius leading Hange the rest of the way to their quarters. Amelia clung unabashedly to his arm, her fingers playing with his wrist. He had to frequently restrain her hands as they ventured to his chest and down his shirt or towards his crotch. When he'd finally had enough of her teasing, Levi hauled Amelia over his shoulder, and she exclaimed in surprise as he moved quickly towards his quarters.

Throwing her down on his bed, Levi locked the door to his room, looking down at his tantalizing prey. Pouncing at her, Levi could feel himself hardening, straining against the crotch of his pants. But he underestimated Amelia's dexterity, and she was able to jump out of the way. He landed on empty bedsheets as she backed towards the corner of his room, a coy smile on her face. Levi's eyes flickered at the idea of a chase, and he moved towards her predatorially as she edged away from him. She dodged him again when he leapt towards her, spinning out of his way, but it wasn't long before he caught her wrist, slamming her into the wall and capturing her neck in his hand, staring dangerously into her eyes.

"You think you can run from me brat?"

"I can try," she answered, struggling against his grip, but he held her their firmly. Hiking her legs up around his waist, he pulled her skirts out of the way, and freed himself from his pants to push into her wet core. Their lips met in a hot and needy kiss, as he thrust into her and she panted his name into her mouth, her nails scratching across his scalp and pulling at his hair.

They wound up on the floor, Amelia on her hands and knees, shaking from the pleasure he was bringing her. By the time they finished, Levi collapsed against her back, breathing heavily from their exertion, smirking at the redness of her ass where he had repeatedly smacked her. Pulling out of her, Levi carried Amelia to bed, curling up beside her contentedly, his arms wrapped tightly around her.

When morning came, Amelia bolted to the bathroom, retching into his toilet. Levi trailed after her in concern, pulling her hair back until she was done emptying her stomach and laid her head against the cool porcelain in exhaustion. Her forehead was damp with cold sweat, and Levi handed her a glass of water to gargle with.

"Are you alright?" Levi asked as she breathed heavily, eyes closed against nausea.

"Yes, I suppose I had too much to drink last night."

"You should stay in bed today." He told her, but Amelia shook her head, opening her warm eyes to look at him.

"We have training today, and I have to get my team back on track." Levi nodded in understanding, helping her to stand, and kissing her on the forehead in appreciation. Amelia leaned into his chest, her arms circling his waist contentedly.

"I love you," she whispered into his chest before she ran out of his room.

Smiling, he followed after her.

Amelia was feeling much better by the time she was out on the training grounds, trying not to shift nervously from side to side. Her suspicions were beginning to be roused at her frequent nausea, but she didn't have time to worry about things she couldn't change. She had managed to keep her morning sickness from Levi, not knowing whether she should alert him to her fears or not. Only time would tell the truth of the matter and time was something that she could not spare. Edwin and Yumi met her on the training field promptly, but Anderson was a full five minutes late, his face assuming the disregard he's been turning on her lately.

"Give me five laps Private." Amelia called to him as he walked up, and he gave her a scandalized look.

"Come on. I wasn't that late—"

"One lap for each minute will teach you not to do it again." Amelia confirmed sincerely, glaring at him as he continued to avoid her instruction. "Wait any longer and we can double it."

"Alright!" Anderson exclaimed, not wanting to risk ten laps. Edwin and Yumi snapped to attention as she turned back to them. She observed their alertness happily, it had not been there all week.

"We're going to practice drills." She told them, leading her two youngest team members to the forest. She knew that on the next expedition they would be ready to fight the titans.

It wasn't until the sun was beginning to kiss the horizon that her team stumbled back to their quarters. Amelia's whole body was aching but she couldn't help smiling at her first satisfying practice since their last doomed expedition. Walking back towards the HQ, Amelia continued to wonder about resent events. She'd learned from Hange that a titan had spoken to Ilse Langnar before it had killed her. This knowledge changed everything. Could the titans in fact be reasoned with? Could communication be the end to humanity's suffering?

It was a pleasant distraction from the conundrum of Dr. Colman's flying machine. Amelia was beyond frustrated with it. She felt as though there was something obvious that she was missing, and it was clawing at her subconscious. But until she discovered it, she would focus on completing double belt 3DMGs for Erwin, Mike, Hange, and Ness and continue to wonder at their new information about the titans and how Amelia and Hange might capture them.