Beta'd by kylekatarn77 and Poliamida
50. Enter Patroclus
Up, Achilies, mightiest of all mankind; rescue Patroclus about whom this fearful fight is now raging.
-Homer, the Illiad
Bakugo was silent as Mr. Inui drove the car, staring out the window. He'd failed again. The news kept playing in his mind.
"Reports indicate that the current body count for the Feel Good Incident is at 178. Most of the victims were members of the MLA who were trapped in the fires started by Endeavor and Class 1A of UA as they assaulted the building. Others were normal employees caught in the flames, or killed in the fighting between the MLA and civilians. It appears that quirkless individuals were especially targeted."
Bakugo kept seeing the bodies in his mind. They had been weak. And Bakugo had been unable to save them. He was supposed to be strong, to be a hero. And he'd been too weak to save them.
And there had been Ochako.
"It wasn't your fault."
Bakugo's eyes flicked up, glancing to the side at Mr. Inui, who continued to drive. "The hell it wasn't."
"What you saw at Feel Good was bad, Bakugo. The worst I have ever seen," Mr. Inui said, his voice a growl. "Those BARK BARK GROWL- ahem, that is, the MLA is evil. What they did was horrible beyond imagining. They are responsible for those deaths. Not you."
"Tell that to Kota's parents," Bakugo muttered, slumping in his seat. He was still injured, his left arm in a sling, bandages on his face and chest, and he'd walk with a limp for days yet even with Recovery Girl's help. He'd been beaten within an inch of his life. And he wished that he'd died, instead of what had happened.
"Bakugo, we've been over this. You can't blame yourself for events you weren't even there for, and you helped put Muscular away. Right now, the news is placing blame on you. The price of being a high profile hero. But you saved people. What about that man, Yoshi, who came to visit you at the hospital? Do you think you were weak when you saved him?"
"It was his work buddies who saved him, not me," Bakugo muttered, looking back out the window.
"According to him, they were nearly killed, and some of them were ready to turn him over. You saved his life," Inui stated. "You did the work of a hero, trying desperately to end things so that others could be safe. Your actions were reckless, but when they heard Chikazoku was dead most of the MLA gave up. Who knows how many lives your action saved?"
"That doesn't matter!" Bakugo exploded. "What about Ochako!"
"I've talked with her. She's at peace with what she did," Inui told Bakugo. "You should be too. Sometimes, a hero has to take a life to save one. It's a hard choice."
"And yet that idiot Midoriya was smart enough to know I wasn't worth saving," Bakugo growled.
Inui shook his head. "I've spoken with him as well. He's wracked with guilt that he couldn't save you. He feels responsible for your wounds, for not killing Chikazoku when he had the chance.
They pulled up in front of the dorm building, and Bakugo hurried to let himself out of the car before Mr. Inui could help him. The counselor let Bakugo help himself out, but steadied him on his feet as Bakugo tried to climb the stairs.
"It isn't weakness to need help," Mr. Inui said gently.
Bakugo glared at him, but accepted the helping hand up the stairs. "I'll be fine," he told Mr. Inui, then paused. "And...thanks for the ride. And the talk. I...I'm trying not to be weak, but-"
"But if you didn't feel guilt, you wouldn't really be a hero. You're human, Bakugo, and young. I still think about the people I failed to save. Keeps you up at night. You sure you'll be alright?"
Bakugo looked up at the darkened dorm building. It was late, and everyone was probably asleep. To his surprise though, the doors suddenly opened, and Hari stepped out, dressed in a sweater and sweatpants. She looked like she'd either just woken up or was about to go to bed, but she smiled and pulled Bakugo into a hug before he could protest.
"We missed you, big guy," she said, squeezing him.
Bakugo stiffened, then allowed himself to relax and awkwardly returned the embrace with his good arm. "Yeah. Thanks, Hari."
She smiled and stepped back, yawning. "Thanks Mr. Inui. I'll make sure he gets to bed alright."
"Thank you, Hari. How are the others?" Mr. Inui said quietly.
Bakugo turned to go, limping towards the door.
"Scared. Scarred. What those kids saw...are you sure they're ready for this?" Hari said.
Bakugo turned back, frowning. "What, you think they're a bunch of weaklings? They can handle this crap."
"I don't think any of you are weak, Bakugo," Hari said with a sigh, hugging herself against the night's cold. There was frost in the air, and it was already below freezing, but Bakugo didn't let it bother him. "Hell, you kids are stronger than I am in a lot of ways. But what you saw...the MLA was brutal. You and your group saw a lynching, but that wasn't even the worst of it. Every kind of imaginable horror went on in that building in the few hours that battle lasted."
"Yeah, well, we destroyed the bastards. They won't be a problem anymore," Bakugo said, turning away and opening the door. "Don't worry about us. We're strong. We can handle it."
Bakugo limped away, Hari watching him as he headed for the elevator.
"Good night. If you need anything, call me or text, OK? Mei's up late with Izuku at the workshop, so I'll be up for a while yet."
"Yeah, ok," Bakugo muttered. He had a hard time being angry at Hari. He was an only child, and the sensation of being the beloved little brother wasn't something he was used to. But he did like it. He closed the elevator doors, then slumped against the side.
"Dammit, dammit, dammit!" he snarled, clutching at his head one handed. He slumped down, sitting in the corner of the elevator. How could he be so weak? How could he allow himself to be beaten, to need to be saved and to stain the one good thing in his life forever?
He hadn't been conscious when it had happened. He hadn't seen what Ochako had done. But he'd heard. On the news. From people in the hospital. Even from Shinso and Midoriya when they'd come to visit.
Ochako Uraraka was a killer, all because of Katsuki Bakugo's weakness. He was supposed to be the demon, the one who everyone hated. Because he deserved it. He was a bastard, and he knew it. But Ochako? She was supposed to be the one everyone loved. Just like he did.
"Katsuki?"
Bakugo stiffened, shame filling his entire being. And now she saw him as a weak, sniveling wreck. "Go away."
"Oh God, Katsuki, are you alright?" her hands on him, touching him, staining her just by being near his weakness.
"Go away!" Bakugo snapped. "Haven't you hurt yourself enough already?!" He couldn't look up at her, couldn't face his shame.
"Hurt myself? I was fine! I'm worried about you! You weren't even awake when I went to the hospital to see you! Why did you run off like that?! You should have brought me with you, and Izuku and Hitoshi too!"
"Why? You all hate me," Bakugo said, managing to look up at her. Even there in the moonlight in just her tank top and shorts, she looked strong. He could see her muscles, see her scars, and that was what he loved. Not only could she fight, but she was what he wanted to be: kind, gentle, loved, and most importantly, free of weakness. She was the only one who ever smiled when she saw him, and that tore Bakugo's heart out and threw it on the ground, especially when he saw her with her damn boyfriend, Iida.
"We don't hate you, Bakugo. Come on. The elevator's no place to talk," Uraraka said, gently helping Bakugo to his feet.
"Why are you even up?" Bakugo complained, trying not to think about how close she was. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"
"Couldn't sleep. And then I saw Mr. Inui drop you off, and, well, I thought I should check on you," Uraraka said, lifting Bakugo towards his room.
Why wouldn't she just leave? He was such an asshole to her, he couldn't even stop himself when he wanted to. Without intending to, he found himself saying it out loud as she opened his door. "Why?"
"Because we're friends! We watch each others' backs," Uraraka said, pausing at the door as Bakugo limped inside.
He turned, trying to keep a straight face, but found himself leaning on the wall, tears going down his face. "No...why...why did...why did you kill...for me? I'm not worth it."
"Are you serious?" Uraraka hissed, color coming to her cheeks as her pupils dilated in anger. He could see the pain in her eyes, and he knew why she'd killed. Not just for him, for those two poor bastards they'd strung up. He'd wanted to do it too, and he'd enjoyed it when he'd blasted Chikazoku's bodyguards to bits. They'd told him he'd killed a few goons himself, he'd had to fill out the paperwork. And he'd felt only satisfaction as he'd tallied up the dead.
Uraraka seemed to read his expression, and nodded. "Good. I didn't do it just for you. You understand. You felt it, the need to bring justice."
"I do," Bakugo admitted. "I just...You're a good person, Ochako, and-"
"No I am not," Uraraka snapped, poking Bakugo in the chest. "Do you know why I want to be a hero? So I can get rich! Not to help the weak like you, or to prove that quirkless people matter like Izuku, or even to follow the family tradition like Iida! I did it to get rich! And I killed...I killed that son of a bitch so I could get rich and I don't even feel bad about it!"
Bakugo froze, feeling shocked as tears of frustration started to stream down Uraraka's face. "Everyone else acts like I should feel bad! Like it's this horrible, traumatic event! And I have to act like I feel bad that I killed that monster Chikazoku! Well I don't! I'm glad I did! Saving you was just a bonus as far as I'm concerned, so don't you dare try to guilt trip me! You were trying to kill him too! I just got there first!"
"But...but you're a good person," Bakugo whispered, feeling his world rock once more. "You're kind, and hot, and nice, and everyone likes you! I'm the asshole! I'm the monster! I'm the 'Demon of Battle' that everyone fears! I should...I should have protected you."
"Oh? Do you think I'm a weakling too?" Uraraka demanded, stepping into Bakugo's room and shoving him. He growled, stumbling and tried to stand, to loom over her, but he winced and couldn't manage it on his bad leg.
"Do you think I'm some perfect little doll like my parents do, like everyone else does? The kind hearted heroine who saves little kids?" Now tears were really running down Uraraka's face. "I took Kota back into danger because I couldn't stand the thought of running away! I ran off during the USJ and nearly got me and Mina and Mezo killed! I'm not some perfect little doll! Don't you see, Katsuki? I'm just like you!"
"No, no you're not!" Bakugo said, feeling desperate. He put his hand on Uraraka's shoulder, shaking her. "They like you! People LIKE you! Dammit, I like you and I don't like anyone! Even your do-gooder boyfriend likes you and he doesn't like anything that isn't a damn rule!"
"I...what? My boyfriend?" Uraraka looked baffled for a moment, her tears ceasing amidst her confusion. "You don't mean Tenya?"
"Of course I do! You two are always together! He deserves you, unlike an asshole like me!" Bakugo snapped. And then his head snapped to one side, and he tumbled to the floor, his cheek stinging.
"You...you asshole!" Uraraka hissed, glaring down at him. "Iida is not my boyfriend! I don't even think he realizes I'm a girl half the time he's so damn polite!"
"What?" Bakugo rubbed his cheek, too dazed to be angry. "But...but you're always together."
"Of course we are!" Uraraka groaned, throwing her hands up in the air. "We're friends! But he sees me like everyone else does, except you! As some perfect little angel! But I'm not! Oh God, I'm not…" Uraraka sank down to her knees, pain etched in every line of her face. "I'm not a good person. I killed a man, and I don't even feel bad about it. I'd do it again, and my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner!"
"I…" Bakugo didn't know what to say. He hesitantly reached out a hand towards Uraraka, and she suddenly jumped on him, clinging tightly to him.
"I like fighting! It feels so good! To stop being that perfect little doll and just break things! And...and-"
And then she was kissing him. Bakugo found himself pressed back against the wall, her lips locked around his. It felt so good, and so wrong at the same time. They seperated panting. Uraraka gazed into Bakugo's eyes, her hand on his cheek as tears wet her cheeks, hiccuping as sobs wracked her body. "And I like you. I know I shouldn't. I know it's stupid. But...but you're so broken. And...and so am I. But you don't care. You never treated me differently. You just...acted like you do with everyone else. And...and you think I'm strong. Strong enough to fight beside you, instead of being someone to protect."
"Because you're the one who keeps saving me," Bakugo muttered, looking away. "And you're so hot. You're not like the other girls. You called me out on my bullshit, but then you welcomed me back. Do you...do you think I'm strong?"
"You're the strongest person I know," Uraraka said gently. "God, I wish I were as strong as you. I love my quirk, but sometimes? Sometimes I wish it were as dangerous as yours."
"That's stupid," Bakugo snapped. "You're stronger than I am. You always bench more than me and you're a damn girl!"
Uraraka flushed. "Are you stupid? You know I'm cheating when I do that, right? I can make the weights weightless! That sounds so dumb…"
"I'm not an idiot! I know that! But people like you! No one, not once, has ever liked me! Not even my parents like me! The only reason anyone tolerates me is because I can break things!" Bakugo snapped.
Uraraka glared at him. "I like you. I told you that. Dammit, I kissed you! Doesn't that mean anything."
"Pff. Bet you kissed lots of boys," Bakugo muttered.
Uraraka punched him in the gut, and he let out a groan; his ribs were still tender. "Asshole! That was my first! And I suppose you've kissed a bunch of girls! Izuku always talks about how popular you were at school!"
"Those dumb bitches were weak and stupid! Not like you!" Bakugo snarled. He didn't know what to do. Inside, he was panicking. He had to make Uraraka leave, had to make her hate him, like everyone else. That was safe, that he knew. "I never cared about them, and no, I never kissed one of them! They were scared of me, just like you should be!"
"Why? You said I was stronger than you. I saved your life! How can I be scared of you?" Uraraka demanded.
Bakugo paused, trying to find an answer. "Because...because I'm a monster. Because I hurt people. And...and if you don't leave, I'll hurt you too."
"You already did," Uraraka said, looking away, more tears forming in her eyes. "I thought...I thought you were dead. That I couldn't save you. And...and for a moment, I hated Izuku. Because he'd been too weak to kill that bastard and save your life."
"That nerd," Bakugo snarled. "He should have done it, dammit! But he's always been too good! Always thought he was better than me, always!"
Bakugo shoved Uraraka away, crawling into the corner. He put his arm around his head, rocking himself. "No, dammit, no. I'm strong, I don't need to make others weak to be strong, I need to make them strong. Midoriya is strong, he helped me, he's a good person, people like him, I can...I can be like him, God…"
"Katsuki…"
Bakugo looked up, seeing Uraraka standing, one hand out to him.
"You see?" he whispered, shrinking away from the hand. "I'm so weak. I couldn't save those people. I couldn't stop it all. Just go."
Uraraka dropped her hand, turning and moving towards the door, then hesitated. "Do you see them?"
Bakugo blinked. See them? What the hell was she-
"I still see them. That man and woman. I don't...I don't even know their names. But I see them. Hanging there. When I try to go to sleep. And...and I know I couldn't save them," she whispered.
Groaning, Bakugo got to his feet, stumbling over to Uraraka. "I know. I do too. And...and I hear Kota asking me why I couldn't save his parents."
He reached out, and gingerly put his hand on Uraraka's shoulder. "You're not weak. You're a hero. All that crap about you being a greedy monster? I don't buy it. You do this to save people. You came back for me, and you and Kota saved Midoriya. You were the first one to say you'd come with us when it was time to rescue Mei. And...and you saved me. Even when I was a stupid asshole. Thanks."
Uraraka wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Yeah. Ok. Like I said. I would have killed that bastard anyway. It doesn't save the people who died, but...but it does make me feel better. A little."
"Yeah. Don't listen to those idiots. Killing Chikazoku was the right thing to do. And you were the only one there with the balls to do it." Bakugo paused. Crap. Here he went, saying the one girl he liked had balls. He was such a weak idiot.
"You are such an asshole," Uraraka laughed, hiccuping and scrubbing at her face. She moved towards the door again, then paused, biting her lip.
"Just go to bed," Bakugo said, feeling exhausted. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep hardly at all, not without the drugs they'd given him at the hospital in his system. He hated them, and hated that he needed them to sleep. Inui would probably make him take some again. Bastard.
"I can't...I just…" Uraraka suddenly turned. "Can...can I stay?"
Bakugo blinked. "What?"
"Can...can I stay here, with you? I can't...I can't see them again. Not tonight. Please."
"The hell do you think you're doing?" Bakugo snarled. "I'm the asshole, remember? You stay here, and everyone's gonna say that I'm screwing you, and dammit if you do they'll be right! I've wanted to bang you since we met and-"
Uraraka closed the door. "I'm not a moron."