Worse than Durmstrang

Claudia woke up the next morning, still smiling. She spent an hour, just lying in bed and remembering every second from the previous night. She could still feel Sirius' fingers in her hair. His lips on hers…

The turmoil she felt ever since she realised that she had feelings for him was gone. It was replaced by pure happiness.

The house-elf had to come three times to tell her to come down to breakfast before Claudia finally managed to get out of bed. She regretted that immediately. It turned out that she did not feel too well standing upright. The champagne had definitely caught up with her.

With some difficulty, she managed to kneel in front of her trunk and carefully fold Sirius' scarf in order to put it amongst her Quidditch robes. She could not help but bury her face in it once more. The scarf still smelled like him. Claudia was just grateful that it was not a Gryffindor scarf. That would be hard to explain away if anyone stumbled upon it.

When she was putting her robes back to the bottom of the trunk, Claudia noticed that the notebook she got from Sirius was again covered in tree leaves. That meant that there was a new message. She could not help but smile again.

She just could not wait to see him. Maybe they could meet up in Diagon Alley before the start of term.

Claudia opened the notebook and read Sirius' message. Her heart sank instantly.

"I am sorry, Claude. Last night was a mistake. I can't do this."

Claudia stared at the page for a good minute. Her mind was completely blank. The hangover certainly did not help.

She just did not understand. She picked up a quill.

"If this is your idea of a joke, it's not very funny."

Claudia scribbled back, her hand shaking. She could not move. This could not be real… After ten minutes or so, Sirius' handwriting appeared again.

"I'm sorry. Can we go back to being friends?"

Claudia threw the notebook into the bottom of her opened wardrobe with all the strength she could muster. The tears started to come down her face and there was nothing Claudia could do to stop them.

They were angry tears. At first, she was angry with Sirius for ditching her. What was he playing at? Then, she became more angry at herself for ever believing they could be happy together. For believing that Sirius could actually be with someone for longer than a week. How many girls did she see him drop over the years? She should never have told him to kiss her… She should have been stronger.

The house-elf came knocking again.

"Tell my parents I don't feel well." Claudia muttered. There was no way she would be able to get through a breakfast with her family.

"Family…" Claudia scoffed once Sky left the room. She did not have a family. Not really. She could not confide in or trust any of them. Normally, she would not let it bother her. But at this moment, it dawned on her just how profoundly sad and alone she was. No one ever loved her. How could she let herself think that Sirius would be any different?

She told him everything… He was one of the only two people in the world that she truly trusted. With her secrets. And her emotions, that were buried so deep that Claudia did not often recognise them herself. And now, he did this. Claudia began to cry again. But these were not angry tears anymore, they were tears of overwhelming sadness.

Claudia's mother popped her head in late in the afternoon.

"Are you feeling better, dear? You look awful." Cassandra said. There, she was not wrong. Claudia felt awful. She shuffled closer to the door. She did not want her mother to come inside.

"I'll be fine. But can I have dinner in my room?" Claudia whispered, blowing her nose profusely to hide the tears. Cassandra looked disappointed.

"Your father is expecting you. We have guests coming." She said.

"Please…" Claudia muttered and blew her nose again. Cassandra's mouth narrowed.

"Fine. Your father will be disappointed though." She said and disappeared downstairs again.

Cassandra was right. Claudia's father was certainly disappointed in her, but not because she was going to miss his dinner. Claudia thought back to the conversation she had with her father few weeks ago. It made her angry again. So angry in fact, that she kicked her bed and bruised her toe.

She felt so stupid for telling him about the artefact. If she had not, Marcus would spend the rest of his life searching the Astronomy Tower. But now, they were bound to hatch some new scheme. Find another way to fulfil You-Know-Who's will. Sure, she would have been on her way to Durmstrang, but how bad could that really be? It was a good school. And she would not have to deal with seeing Sirius ever again.

She dropped back onto her bed, hiding her face in the pillow. What was she going to do when she saw him? Or say? She still could not understand why Sirius would write that note. She knew that she was not exactly his type, but until this morning, she was so sure that he felt something for her. Something more than just a friendship.

He had been flirting with her for months. They nearly kissed in the potions storeroom before. And that night on the Parliament Hill, he looked so happy. Happier than she had ever seen him before. There was no way he was faking that. He could not have.

Claudia lifted her face from the pillow and took a deep breath. Maybe, this was all just some stupid misunderstanding. Maybe it would all be ok when they saw each other at school.

Claudia spent the rest of the week torturing herself over Sirius. One minute, she was sure she never wanted to speak to him again. The next one, she was convinced that it was just a mistake and it would all be ok again.

Worst of all, she just could not get their kiss out of her head. It was all she could think about. And every time she did, silent tears started falling down her cheeks again.

But she did not dare touch the notebook. She was too much of a coward to write to Sirius and ask him why he thought it was a mistake. What if he really did mean it?

Trying to fall asleep in the evenings was the hardest. On the third night of torment, Claudia suddenly sat up in bed.

"That's enough." She whispered to herself. She was sick and tired of crying over some stupid note. This was not her. She jumped from the bed and dug out the Herbology textbook. She needed to do something more useful with herself. Studying was bound to take her mind of things. And it did.

Claudia spent the rest of the holidays shut in her room, working. Her parents had to tell her off repeatedly for reading at the dinner table. She lost count of how many times she woke up in the morning on an opened textbook. But she kept going. She had no choice. Every time she stopped working, she thought of Sirius and her eyes filled up with tears again.

At the beginning of January, it was time to go back to school. Claudia felt sick to her stomach on the way to King's Cross. She did not spend fifteen seconds on the Hogwarts Express platform before she disappeared into the train. She was in the 'don't-want-to-see-him-ever-again' stage of the cycle and was planning to spend the whole journey hiding in the prefects' carriage.

But it was lonely, and Claudia was bored. Boredom meant too much time to think and more tears. She needed a distraction, so she set off to find Alice. She was not looking forward telling her best friend about what happened. She knew exactly what Alice was going to say…

Claudia found Alice sitting with a couple of Hufflepuff girls from her year and Eleanor. Claudia had seen these girls around. Always surrounded by friends, dressed in the latest fashion, and with five admirers on each arm. Alice introduce them. The pretty girl with long, blond hair was called Daisy and the other one was Jane. Why Alice was sitting with them, Claudia did not know.

She did not quite have the energy to join the conversation and just stared out of the window, listening to them. They were awfully daft, but better than sitting alone and crying.

"And how was your Christmas, Daisy?" Asked Eleanor. She was always so good at making polite conversation, Claudia thought to herself. Being nice to everyone. Even people she did not like. Claudia could never do that.

"Well." Said Daisy, smiling and giving Jane a knowing look. Jane giggled. "We had a New Year's party that got really interesting." The girls huddled closer together. Daisy continued.

"I sent out owls to a quite few people from school, and you would not believe who turned up. James and Sirius. In my house!" Daisy said. Jane squealed with excitement. Claudia shuffled uncomfortably and stared out of the window with renewed determination. She no longer wanted to listen but did not have a choice. She could hardly storm out of there now.

"Sirius was sitting on the balcony, smoking and brooding about something… You know what I mean. The misunderstood bad boy act of his." Daisy said. Everyone laughed. Even Claudia almost raised a smile, she knew exactly what Daisy meant. She could practically picture him. The smoking was new though.

"I took him some drinks... One thing led to another and we kissed." Daisy continued.

Claudia could feel the tears coming again. She could not help but to glance at Alice, who was looking at her and wearing a very worried expression. She wished with all her heart that Daisy would shut up. Or that a boulder would fall through the roof of the Hogwarts Express and crush her. Anything to stop this. But Daisy was not done.

"And that's not all. He then stayed the night, if you know what I mean…" Daisy winked. They all knew what she meant. There were gasps.

"How was that?" Someone asked. But Claudia could not take it anymore. She could not hold the tears in. She stood up and run out of the compartment.

"I hope she isn't upset over this. It's not like Sirius would ever date someone like her..." She could hear Daisy say.

Claudia run the length the carriage and slid on the floor at the end of the train where no one could see. It was no misunderstanding. Sirius did to her what he did to all the other girls. How could she ever think he was going to be any different with her. She was crushed and humiliated.

Alice joined her few minutes later and put her arm around Claudia's shoulders.

"I'm so sorry… I know you like him. But look on the bright side, at least you haven't told him. You can still be friends, if you want to." Alice whispered. Claudia put her face in her hands and sobbed.

"He knows full well how I feel." She managed to mutter. "I saw him at Christmas, and we kissed." She added. Between sobs, Claudia told Alice about the walk, about the kiss, about the note.

"He is so not worth it... Anyone, who would rather be with Daisy than you, is not worth it…" Alice said, frowning and squeezing her best friend. Claudia managed to raise the tiniest of smiles.

"At least I know how he feels about me, eh? Just another stupid girl to him…" She said, sarcastically. Alice was not amused.

"It's ok to be sad. You don't have to make a joke out of it..." She whispered. Claudia leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes. If only she could stay hiding here forever. She would not have to face Daisy or Sirius. She was so mad at herself for not being able to keep it together.

"I thought I was stronger than this… I feel so pathetic." Alice did not say anything for a while, trying to find the right words.

"This is on him, not you. Promise me you won't torture yourself." Sge said finally.

Claudia sighed. Easier said than done, she thought to herself.

"I'd so much rather be at Durmstrang right now..." She said instead.

"What are you talking about?" Alice asked, with a frown. It had completely slipped Claudia's mind that in the midst of all of the Sirius drama, she did not have a chance to tell Alice about the conversation with her father. "

Funny story…" She began to say. But before she got any further, she could hear someone's footsteps.

Claudia began to manically dry her eyes. But it was completely pointless. It was Lily. She opened her mouth as if she was going to tell her fellow prefect off again, but closed it when she saw what state Claudia was in.

"I'll tell them you're sick." Lily said.

Claudia managed to mouth a silent "thanks" before Lily walked away.

"Do I really look that bad? That even she took pity on me?" Claudia asked Alice once Lily was out of earshot.

"I'm going to be honest… You look pretty wild." Alice replied. They both chuckled. "You were about to explain the Durmstrang thing." Alice added.

Claudia recounted her father's threat and their new 'arrangement'. Alice looked at her wide-eyed.

"You really are a bit mad sometimes, you know that, right?" Alice asked.

"At least I'll get to do what I want now. Can't see him banning me from coming to see you in the summer again…" Claudia replied. They sat in silence for a while.

"I can't go back to the compartment..." Whispered Claudia.

They spent the rest of the journey sitting by the door, eating chocolate off the trolley. By the time they reached Hogwarts, Claudia managed to wash her face, brush her hair, and regain at least some of her composure. She could almost pass as a human being again.

Claudia sat down at the feast with her back to the Gryffindor table. Anything to postpone the inevitable. Her Slytherin friends were looking at her little bewildered. Her eyes still must have been pretty red, so she told them she had a cold.

"I've got some Pepper Up Potion in my trunk. If you wanted any." Said Julius.

"I've seen these symptoms before" Regulus smirked. "I don't think Pepper Up Potion will help in the slightest…" He added. Claudia looked away. It was no surprise Regulus saw through it. It was a rubbish excuse.

"I'll be fine. Will have to be. We've got practice on Saturday." Claudia muttered. Talk of Quidditch seemed to have distracted Regulus. And just in time…

Every time Claudia looked at him, she wanted to cry again. She never thought that Regulus and Sirius looked anything alike. She would not be able to tell they were brothers. Sirius was taller, his face was narrower, his features were stronger, and his hair was darker and longer. She had no idea why it bothered her so much, looking at Regulus.

And then, she noticed his eyes. They were the same as Sirius'.

There were the tears again. Claudia took out her handkerchief and blew her nose. How on Earth was she going to get through her classes with Sirius, when she could not get through a feast sitting with his brother?

Muggle studies was going to be the absolute worst. It was a small class and they usually sat together, but not this time. That would be unbearable. Claudia dove for a single empty seat in the front row and buried her face in her book, desperately hoping it was going to get easier overtime.

She did not remember a single thing that happened in that lesson. She continued to read well after everyone else had left. Anything to avoid seeing or talking to Sirius. But as she turned to leave, she saw him sitting on a desk at the back of the classroom, waiting for her.

Sirius jumped down from the desk when she approached. He opened his mouth, but Claudia cut him off.

"There is nothing to talk about. You've made yourself perfectly clear." She said, abruptly. Sirius lowered his eyes.

"Do you think we could still be…" He whispered, but Claudia interrupted him again.

"Friends? No. Sorry. I can't." She said, trying very hard to keep her composure.

"But I want to help you. Marcus is bound to keep trying." Sirius said. Claudia shook her head.

"I'll be fine." She whispered, pushed past Sirius and walked out of the classroom.

She had no idea whether he followed her or not. She did not look back and run as fast as she could to the dungeons. She threw herself on the bed and shut the curtains around her. She was in so much pain. She had no hope of ever getting past it. There was not enough homework in the world.

But Claudia managed to survive the next day. And then a week. Day by day, she cried less and less. There was so much studying to do and the February Quidditch game to train for. After couple of weeks, Claudia could even get through a class with Sirius without wanting to cry her eyes out. She was relieved. After all, it was not fair. All of this was his fault, yet she was the one who ended up with a broken heart.

It made her feel so stupid and weak. She could not have that. She needed to be strong. Otherwise, everything she wanted and worked for – her exams, Quidditch – would have gone up in a puff of smoke. All because of a stupid boy. So, Claudia did what she did best. She studied and studied until she could not keep her eyes open any longer. As long as she did not put the book down, she was ok.

One day in late January, Claudia was having lunch with Alice. Or more precisely, she was sitting next to Alice, while eating her lunch and reading the Charms textbook at the same time. Alice watched her with pity.

"How long are you planning to keep this up?! You're going to self-destruct…" Alice said.

"Until I graduate, or he vanishes from the face of the Earth. Whichever comes first." Claudia muttered in response. She did not, however, raised her head or stopped reading.

"At least, read something lighter for a bit." Alice said, pried the book out of Claudia's hands and gave her the Daily Prophet instead.

Claudia groaned and reached back for her textbook. Alice laughed and shook her head.

"No. After lunch. Someone needs to look after you if you won't." Alice chuckled.

Claudia rolled her eyes and unfolded the newspapers. She began scanning the Daily Prophet for any mention of You-Know-Who. It had become bit of a habit over the last year. On the sixth page, she spotted a small picture of someone that look familiar. A fellow Slytherin who must have graduated a year or two earlier.

He got arrested trying to break into the Ministry of Magic. He confessed that he was doing it on You-Know-Who's orders. As a test to join the Death Eaters. The article did not say what he was trying to get at the Ministry or how he was caught. Only that he died on the way to Azkaban in 'mysterious circumstances'.

Claudia passed the article to Alice.

"This must be it. The artefact was Marcus' test. Test to join the Death Eaters." She whispered. Alice looked around to make sure no one was listening.

"Have you ever considered what You-Know-Who is going to do to them when he figures out that they failed?" Alice asked. Claudia did not know what to say. She had never thought of it that way. It was always about getting to the artefact before Marcus did and then destroying it before they realised…

Claudia thought about it for a while. She remembered how unhappy You-Know-Who was when she saw him in the summer.

"They can't fail. It's not an option." Claudia whispered. For the first time, she felt little guilty. She did not like her father or Marcus but did not exactly want their blood on her hands either.

"What do you think they will do?" Asked Alice.

"There must be other ways of creating the inferi. I remember it from the book." Claudia replied. Alice looked puzzled. She did not know what book Claudia was talking about.

"A book about necromancy. Sirius and I…" Claudia sighed. It was still hard for her to say his name. But she managed to continue, without crying this time. "Sirius and I stole it from the restricted section last year. That's where we found out about the artefact."

Alice frowned. She may have been a Gryffindor, but she was certainly a law-abiding one.

"Do you still have it?" She asked. Claudia shook her head.

"We've put it back to throw Marcus off the scent. With some modifications… That's why he spent most of last year running up and down the Astronomy Tower." Claudia said. She could not help but chuckle. And then, she wanted to cry again. Hunting the artefact with Sirius used to be fun.

Alice put her arm around Claudia's shoulder.

"We'll find a way to get it." Alice whispered. Claudia raised her head suddenly.

"We? Are you volunteering to help me?" She asked, suddenly full of excitement. Never in a million years did she expect this.

"Don't make me regret it." Alice said.

Claudia hugged her best friend back. She could not wait to star planning their first scheme.