Chapter 25: Down but Not Out

Ever since his latest bout of stress induced depression, and his ongoing cycle of social anxiety, Kensuke Tadokoro had been given a temporary but short leave of absence from Tōtsuki Academy for recuperation. And so he was granted four weeks recuperation time in Kyōto, where he had a studio apartment, to get out of hectic Tokyo and away from the burgeoning responsibilities of school societal norms.

Director Senzaemon had said that a brief respite was necessary for a chefs 'mental fortitude', but the old man had also explained that even though he wasn't going to be attending classes he would have to sign into the school portal and do the classes over the internet. A prospect which significantly calmed his nerves. Cooking and taking lectures over the internet felt safer to him, and yet he still felt nervous about this new online lesson format. He felt like knives could stab into him at any moment.

However, the thing that Kensuke like the most about the distance of online classes was no chance, or less of a chance, of having any negative feedback directly thrown in his face. More so, with the added benefit that he no longer had to think about his attachments being thrown into jeopardy.

The Shingon Buddhist temple of Daigo-ji in the Fushimi-Ku ward of Kyōto was where Kensuke visited when he either had free time from his digital lessons or from his therapy sessions. It wasn't that he was devoutly religious, not that he didn't offer up a small prayer to the Buddhist statues whenever he visited, but to Kensuke the atmosphere at the Daigo-ji temple was what he needed. Quiet reflection and solitary acquiescence of his societal weaknesses.

He had always liked silence, he liked the tranquil gardens with the willowy red or bronze-amber leafed Acer trees, and the white and lime green hydrangeas. He could loose himself in the garden and then rebuild himself anew.

For the past three and half weeks, Kensuke had been flitting between the Temple complex, the gardens and his studio apartment; where he lived and completed his online classes for Tōtsuki, and then lastly a nearby private therapist. Most of the time, he spent in therapy was him just talking about what he found most stressful about having, and dealing with, the attachments he felt he had being thrown back into his face. Or being brought down by extraneous variables.

And even if he didn't always come to an answer, he found that being open with his insecurities and his withdrawnness was making him more positive to the idea of talking more to his fellow students. Which then provided for a very well receive following day of mediation and relaxation at the Temple.

—

During his positive moments, he managed to cook and create a few new recipes using ingredients bought at the Nishiki market in downtown Kyōto. His most recent dish, though not very extravagant, or labour intensive or particularly expressive of his usual style, was grilled oysters in mirin, soy sauce and ginger. Served with soba noodles, okra and chilli.

Looking down at the bowl in his hands, Kensuke began eating his latest successful creation. "Less chilli... more honey and ginger" he murmured, twirling his chopsticks through some noodles and then slurping them down. Turning his head towards his window, he saw that the rain was still sloshing down outside.

Sighing as he looked through the grey overcast sky towards the Daigo-Ji temple in the distance, he felt constricted. Although the rain had only started about an hour ago, it had thoroughly ended his decision to try and go return to the Temple one last time before his leave of absence time was up.

"I wonder what you're doing now sis", he wondered aloud, "Isshiki told me that your grades are better... and that your place in Tōtsuki is more assured than ever now". Thinking about his family was always his fallback position whenever he felt like he was allowing himself to drift into negativity. "I'm proud of you Sis", he whispered looking towards a photo on the mantlepiece, Kenosuke saw the smiling faces of himself and Megumi as young children, whilst their mother and grandfather stood either side of them.

"If only I wasn't so... socially inept. Then I could be brave enough to have real friends..." he muttered, dropping his head into his hands.

His voice took on a sombre self loathing tone. His black hair fell in front of his eyes, as he removed his glasses and placed them on the living room table. "Cooking is all I know... and as much as I love it, I do not know where to go after I graduate Tōtsuki".

For as long as he could remember, he had always been a quiet and withdrawn child avoiding other children and group playtime. So in a way talking to himself had always been an important part of his own childhood, and something which he deemed perfectly normal. Even if his primary and then middle school peers never truly understood him, simply letting him be. They were never mean or bullying but they never actively tried to reach out to him either.

Of course there was Megumi, and although they were close, she was four years younger than him and had a smallish group of friends herself. It would have been strange and awkward for him to remain by her side when she was with her own friends. And the one thing he didn't want was to make anyone feel like they were obliged to have him around. Cooking was the way forward, it gave him something else to focus on other than his social awkwardness and anxieties.

Moreover, as he liked to be only one in the kitchen at any given time, he could use that for practicing recipes or ideas for recipes, without being thrown into fear.

—

Standing up from his seated position on the floor, by the table, he carried his empty bowl into the kitchen whereupon he was met by a note circled in red ink date, on his calendar, pinned to the fridge. 'Friday - Return to Tōtsuki'. After placing the bowl in the sink, and running some hot water over the surface, he then laid the clean crockery piece on the draining board, his mind then drifted back to the family inn and his kitchen chores as a younger teenager.

Running a hand through his longish black hair, Kensuke tied it into a small topknot with a red cord, whilst allowing his fringe to remain semi covering his eyes. Affixing his black rimmed glasses back onto his face, he walked out of the kitchen and across the hallway to his small study, where his laptop was and where he intended to finalise his written coursework assignment:

'The 'Culinary Theory and Practices of Ancient Mesopotamia and its Influences on Middle Eastern Cuisine'.

A dry subject, according to his classmates, but one that he thoroughly enjoyed researching. Plus with a subject matter as obscure as his, it all but guaranteed him solitude to work in. The only person who had tried to get him to a group study session had been one Satoshi Isshiki but in the end he had been cool with having been politely declined.

Aside from a few others, Isshiki was the closest person Kensuke had at Tōtsuki to call a true best friend. Despite never having admitted as such due to his overwhelming fear of rejection and humiliation, Ken had remained content with their current amiability.

As Kenosuke entered his study and sat down at his laptop desk, he noticed a two brand new emails sent to him by Tōtsuki and a third from his mother. Clicking open and logging into Microsoft outlook, he proceeded to skim read the two newest Tōtsuki emails - nothing much of import... simply reminding him of his leave of absence time expiring on Friday. As well as some event that was happening soon. Turning his attention towards another new email... his mothers email, Kenosuke was taken back by the headline:

'Megumi has a boyfriend!'

With widened eyes, and a sudden desire to protect his sister, he clicked on the email and began to read. In stunned silence.

Kensuke,

I know you haven't heard from me in awhile, because you told me that you were working on some new coursework... but I just had to tell you! Your little sister has a boyfriend! His name is Sōma Yukihira and he's a first year, just like Megumi at Tōtsuki, although I hear he transferred in. Ohh I'm so happy for them both, and I know you will be too! I have enclosed a photograph I took of them at the inn, Megumi invited him back to to Hachinohe for the Fête de la Belle Angèle. They are soo cute together!

Anyway, aside from this big news, what have you been up to in Kyōto? I hope your therapy sessions are helping and that you return to cooking school more invigorated than ever. I know how much you love being there. Also... it wouldn't hurt for you to call me every once in a while instead of relying on me to start the ball rolling. But I love you all the same my son. Grandpa Shirō sends his love and wishes you all the luck for your continuing second year!

Talk to you, and hopefully, see you soon

Emiko Tadokoro (mum) xx

—

As he Closed his emails, Kensuke was suddenly aware of music playing from his mobile phone on the adjacent table, followed by the familiar set ringtone:

'Sotto tokete yuku yō ni'.

Looking to his left, he saw the caller ID: Satoshi Isshiki. An involuntary flinch ruffled his nerves, and for a moment he regretted giving Isshiki his phone number but he managed to overcome his nerves, somehow, and answer the call.

"H-H-Hey Isshiki", he spoke, trying to not sound flat. "Ken!" Isshiki responded, jovially. "I know that you're sojourn is nearly over and you'll be back on Friday... but I felt I should tell you something about Megumi..." he faded himself out when Kenosuke interjected.

"If you're calling to tell me that my sister has a boyfriend, you don't have to. My mother already emailed me". From the other end of the line, Isshiki's voice sounded like he had just let out a huge sigh of relief.

"Ohh good... I was worried for a second, that I might be the first one telling you. But that isn't why I'm calling".

"Isshiki... what is this about? You know I have a deadline coming up..." Kensuke started. "It's Megumi", Isshiki spoke, "she's returned from her stagiaire but she had a little bit of a run-in with the restaurant's head chef".

Kensuke was immediately silenced as he took in Isshiki's words. "What do you mean by a run-in?" He asked, not even trying to hide how flat his voice sounded. From the other end of the line Isshiki sighed deeply. "Apparently Megumi was slapped by the head chef, and was slightly injured..." the seventh seat was then cut off.

"Then I will deal with him when I get back!"

—

The plainness, coldness and severity of his words and how cold and devoid of emotion in which they were spoken, instantly worried Isshiki. He had never seen or heard Ken angry but even over the phone, Isshiki could tell that Kensuke was gunning for blood. So he quickly changed the course of the conversation, to get to the other thing he wanted to bring up, Isshiki softened his tone.

"Also..." Isshiki continued. "It is that time of year again for the Autumn Leaf Viewing Festival to begin... and as members of the Council of Ten, you and I, need to be there. Plus I have it on good authority that both Megumi and her boyfriend have both been selected to meet us. Which means this years Meet and Greet is going to be super special".