Thirteenth Decision

"Do you love me?" After Haru took all her courage to ask Hayato his room got filled with silence. She closed her eyes and anxiously waited for his answer. Inside of her head the words yes and no were spinning around like a lucky draw and she hoped so much that it would finally stop with yes. Hayato was so shocked he couldn't say anything. His brain took too much time to process what he heard. Was he dreaming? Hallucinating? Or did she really say that? Did he confuse her words with something else? He didn't know.

"H-huh!? W-What are you asking?" His cheeks flushed in a bright red tone as he realized what she was asking. He hid his cheeks and mouth behind his hand hoping she wouldn't realize. Fortunately the room was sparsely illuminated so it would be hard for her to notice.

"Or-Or do you even like me?" She got embarrassed by his reaction and immediately regretted that she asked. It seemed that he didn't take her seriously. That she was wrong. That he didn't have any feelings for her at all. She didn't know how to deal with this. After running after only one man in her life she suddenly fell in love with him. But how to act around him or how to read his signs, expressions or words. She didn't know any of that. If he didn't like her after all then why? "I-I mean… we are going out… so I wanted to know." What was the point of those two going out? She asked herself.

"Well…" Of course, he does. Whenever she's with him he felt happy and warm. At the same time some space in his heart ached so much. He always wanted to see her and for her to be next to him. Each moment they part he missed her. And he wanted to say it so badly. It's always on the tip of his tongue. But it was too hard. His voice wouldn't come out. Embarrassing. And uncool. He was ashamed of himself. But he couldn't say it well no matter what. He didn't know why but something always stops him. So he said. "I guess… I do… kinda like you."

"I see…" Haru mumbled. His answers are always so vague. "Am I… special to you?" But she couldn't stop asking now that she mustered up the courage. She had to see it to the end. Everything she wanted to know. Every answer must be revealed now. For her to move on from where she was stuck.

"T-That… I…" Of course, she is. He thought. "I don't know…" He said.

"I… see…" Great. She thought. What exactly was the basis of their relationship? She almost forgot. It was after all because he felt responsible for that incident. He felt responsible for the injury. He wanted to atone for a sin that he proclaimed for himself but that she never blamed him for. If she only hadn't given into her feelings. If she only had hidden them away. "Then… can we…" She didn't want that. She was actually happy in the beginning. But it was only a fleeting moment. And in Italy after all those arguments she realized that they weren't compatible after all. "Can we…break… up?"

"Eh…" Why is she being like that today? Hayato asked himself. He thought they were getting along well. He thought everything was going well. If it only wasn't for the mission that Tsuna gave them. Then everything would just went smoothly. No. Actually he knew. It wasn't going well at all. But he couldn't admit that. If he admitted it then it would hurt his stupid pride. The pride that brought him nothing but pain. But he couldn't throw it away so easily. "What?! What are you saying?! Are you stupid? Why should we?" Of course, he couldn't. Never. He could never let her go. Not after he thought she was finally his'.

"Well, you don't really like me that much…" She said. "I… I don't… really…"

"Does that matter?" He suddenly shouted. A flame lit inside of him. Something was burning so hot it was unbearable. It hurt. Hearing her say those words. It hurt so much. He grabbed her fist fearing that she would run away and leave him.

"It does! Can't you understand me?" Haru felt tears dwelling up in her eyes already. She didn't want to cry in front of him but she couldn't help it. Loving him hurt so much and was too confusing. All the feelings that she pushed away and hid were growing so much that she couldn't withstand them anymore. One after another the tears rolled down her cheek onto the floor. She wiped them away as fast as they came but they wouldn't stop. "Hayato, I love you." She sobbed and threw a light punch at his chest. "That's why it's impossible. I can't be together with you."

"Huh?!" The silver haired guy was shocked and confused. Why did she start to cry? Her words weren't making any sense for him. She shook his hand from her wrist and stepped back when he was trying to get closer to her. "If you love me then of course we can go out!" There's no problem with that, right? If she loved him which she just confessed, then wouldn't she be happy going out with him rather than crying? "What you say doesn't make any sense…"

"No… for you it doesn't make sense but it's really hard for me." Again he attempted to grab her but she hit his hand away and stepped back again. "Do you even know what love is? It's not only a little crush where I can be satisfied with being together even if you didn't love me." She cried. Loving wasn't enough for her anymore. She wanted to be loved too. She wanted to know how it feels to be loved.

"Of course I understand what love is!" He claimed in a loud tone. Of course he knew. He knew too well. He has loved her for so long already knowing that he can't have her because there was Juudaime. But now that she loved him. He can't just let her go. "That's why you should be happy being together with the person you love, right?!"

"Gimme a break of that already. I don't want a love where I am not loved back anymore. If I only love in vain then I'd rather stop loving anyone ever again." She hid her face in the palms of her hands and continued sobbing. "It hurts too much knowing that I'm not loved by you. And I can't just claim you for myself if you could find someone you really love." If that time really comes. How much in pain will she be if he were to leave her? How much would it pain her to see him by her side even if he longed for another? She hated all these thoughts. She felt pitiful. She hated making herself feeling pitiful.

"Love isn't such a pure noble thing!" He shouted after biting his lips at her words. "It's more selfish and more…" He couldn't resist any longer and grabbed her wrist to pull her closer. With his other hand he held her head and forced his lips on hers making her tears immediately stop. "Love is so egoistical." He muttered and pressed his lips onto hers again while she could only stare at him with blank eyes. "It's so impure and…" He kissed her over and over again as if he was a hungry beast trying to eat her. "Dirty."

As soon as Haru snapped out of being perplexed she refused his kisses and tried to break away from him but he held her so tightly that she was unable to. Also her heart and mind became unable to easily refuse him. When he kissed her so passionately it felt like he tried to pour all of his love into her. But did he really love her? He never said a word and he never gave a clue. His behavior was too complicated to decipher that she never knew what he was thinking. Even if there are times when she guessed right, the times where he left her in the blue were a lot more. "Ha...Hayato..." She groaned between his passionate kisses. "Stop... Please..." She pleaded him and tried to shove him away. But it was no use he was so much stronger than her after all and he gave a clear sign that he wasn't even thinking about stopping. He pushed her down on the bed and paused to look at her for a while after he gently kissed her forehead. "Hayato..."

"I can't stop." He pushed his lips on hers again and bit softly on them. She felt his tongue forcing a way to hers' as he tried to open her mouth with his thumb. His other hand was searching its way under her clothes. She was trying to refuse him but as soon as her mouth was slightly opened she felt his tongue. Even if she hit him or turned her head away each time he paused to take a breath he continued to kiss her numerous times and touched her in various places. She was really confused. Why would he go that far? Why would he do that? The only possible reason could only be that he loved her too, right? He loved her after all. Behind that facade of him he hid feelings for her. Feelings that he never could confess. Feelings that he himself didn't understand that well. Feelings dwelling inside him and growing stronger each second that went by. At least she hoped that. Could she believe in his actions and behavior? Can she trust the him right now? Can she trust on what she felt in her heart and ignore the logic in her head? She didn't care anymore. She threw away all the worries she had about her feelings, about his feelings, about the past, about the future. Right now it felt too good being loved by him that she didn't want to waste any time on complicated thoughts. Her feelings should be put first. Everything that follows she can think about it later.

"I... love you." She moaned and stopped resisting. She put her arms around his nape and pulled him closer giving in to his wild kisses. "I love you..." She whispered again as he left her lips to continue with her neck while she caressed his back.

"Haru..." He whispered into her ear and bit a little on it. He really really wanted to tell her how much he loved her. But it was so difficult. It was so difficult for him to show and declare any emotions. How could she do that so easily? He wanted her to know too that he loved her so much. So much that it can't be put in only three words. So much that he couldn't get her out of his mind no matter what he did. So much that he couldn't stop ever leaving her side and skin. So much that the amount of his love can only be told if he confessed it to her thousands of times. He loved her. He wanted her. He couldn't stop anymore. No matter how many kisses they shared no matter how much he touched her soft and warm skin. He couldn't be satisfied. It wasn't enough. "You're too tempting." It will never be enough. He felt as if he wanted to spend his whole life loving her. But even a whole life of loving her wouldn't be sufficiently satisfying. He seriously loved her. He wanted more. He wanted her to be his'. If he couldn't bring himself to tell her how much he loved her. He could as well just show her. "Haru..." He moaned her name again and again hoping that it would convey his feelings for her. "Haru..." Because it was too hard for himself to only say three words.

"Hayato..." She felt that he opened her blouse. She also tried to open his shirt but as soon as she put away her hands from his back he grabbed them and put them back to where they were. Then he ripped his shirt open by himself and continued with her lips again. He was so dominant and so skillful that she wondered how many girls he had to practice with. Thinking that he had already loved another person makes her feel sad and jealous all of a sudden. Tears were dwelling up in her eyes again and she wondered whether he loved her or not whether he loved them or not. Whether they were special to him or she was special to him. She wondered how he felt when he loved another woman except her. She hated herself for wondering that and even more that she wondered if she was better than them. "Hayato..." She started sobbing again taking away her arms from him and hiding her face. She really hated these ugly thoughts and feelings. She didn't want to be jealous and think that way but she couldn't stop.

He stopped kissing her and looked at her with a troubled and worrying expression. "What's wrong, Haru?" He whispered to her and kissed away her tears after he took her hands with which she was trying to hide. He didn't want her to cry. He didn't want her to be sad. He wanted to make her happy. He wanted to make the woman he loved happy. Don't cry. He wanted her to smile. Because he loved her smiling face the most. But why was all he ever did the opposite of that?

"I want..." She started to mumble and hugged him again. "I want to be the only one for you." Whatever there was in the past. Now she wanted to be the only one. His glance. His touch. His lips. His everything shall be hers too. "If you want to be with me. Promise me… that I am the only one."

"Don't worry." He softly kissed her forehead. "You are." His grip on her hands loosened and he slowly took away her clothes. "You are the only one." She has always been. He thought.

"Hayato..." Haru groaned and gave in to him. She couldn't resist him any longer. She couldn't resist her feelings. Even if she was anxious about various things. In that moment she just wanted to trust his words and love him. She loved him so much and she wanted him as much as he seemed to want her. Maybe and she hoped it so much he'd come to love her to bit by bit. Even if he didn't love her right then she thought she'd to put her feelings first. And with his way of giving her love even if it wasn't real she was satisfied and forgot about her anxieties.

Huehuehue ... /

It's the first time I wrote something like this, and it has been like 4-5 years ago?

Aynways, I hope you liked it. I will try my best with the next chapter too! /

Never give up! I wish you well until the next time :D !

Love ya!