AN: Ugh, tonight's episode has left me feeling so frustrated, so just in case anyone else also is frustrated, take your mind off the episode with some Brick (and the longest chapter yet)! :) I hope you enjoy Beth's portrayal is this chapter!

Warnings: Just violence for now.

Chapter Four

Jimmy's death was a wake-up call for Beth. Before, she had existed in a numb state of grief and denial and she had wondered several times what the point of trying was. But there in the back of Morgan's jeep, with Duane clutched to her chest and Rick's blue eyes full of sorrow, Beth realized how much she wanted to survive. To live. And so far she hadn't put much effort into either.

Beth wasn't too sad about Jimmy's death. She thought she should be, he was her first serious boyfriend, her first kiss, and he had treated her well up until they left the farm. She thought it had more to do with Beth losing her entire family in one night, her grief was still pretty strong about that night so Jimmy's loss paled in comparison. It also didn't help that she hadn't felt any affection for him in weeks and he had almost gotten her killed.

Her eyes strayed over to Rick, he had come back for her and pulled her to safety in the face of the oncoming group of walkers. She had frozen in her panic but he hadn't hesitated in snatching her into his side and firing into the oncoming herd. Beth had felt a little vindictive, which she now regretted, when Jimmy had tripped and Rick didn't stopped to help him. Not until Beth was securely in the vehicle did he turn around for Jimmy but by then it was too late.

No one had really spoken in the past two days since Jimmy's death, and when they did it was hardly above a whisper. The four of them had spent the night in a shed sleeping on musty blankets and now they were preparing for another day searching for survivors and safety. Beth finally speaking up caught everyone's attention. "Rick, I want to learn how to shoot and fight," Beth's voice was full of determination.

Rick studied Beth a moment to gage how serious she truly was and Beth met his gaze with a confidence she didn't know she had. "Alright," he nodded in agreement, "Duane should learn too."

Morgan looked distraught for a moment, he looked like he wanted to hide his son from the world but he must have known how futile his hope was because a moment later he nodded in agreement.

Rick didn't waste any time, and nearly an hour later the four of them were in an open field not far from the shed. In front of Beth was a limping walker in pitiful condition. It was easier to think of it as not a person with how decayed it was already. Rick studied it and seemed to approve as he nodded and turned to face Beth and an eager Duane. Morgan lurked behind him watching their surroundings.

Rick didn't hand Beth a gun like she expected, he handed her his fierce looking hunting knife instead. Beth looked at the blade and then Rick with a look of disbelief. "Guns should be a last resort. They're loud and will draw unwanted attention, plus ammo isn't infinite. I want you two to learn how to take them out quietly."

It made sense, but Beth was still doubtful. She studied the walker in front of her, he was still a handful of yards out and even limping it was taller than her and towered over Duane. "But it's bigger than me," she replied dubiously.

Rick nodded, "I want you to knock him to the ground. Then gravity will be on your side."

Beth stared at Rick and then the walker in disbelief. She really didn't want to get close enough to knock it to the ground let alone stab it in the head. Duane did not share in Beth's aversion. He brandished Jimmy's bat before running forward a few steps and whacking the walker in the kneecaps. "Duane!" Beth shrieked as the walker started to topple forward but Duane nimbly skipped out of the way as the walker crashed onto its face. It had no instincts left to brace itself for the fall. Beth darted forward, thinking more about Duane and how close he was to the grasping walker still and sank the knife into the back of its skull. The snarling and flailing died immediately and Beth stared down at her handiwork in surprise. She had done it.

Rick came to stand at her side. Beth glanced up at him and blushed in embarrassment at his proud smile. She had barely done anything. She hadn't even been fully aware of her actions until the thing was already dead. But she supposed that this was progress, last time a walker had been right in front of her she had frozen, her instincts abandoning her.

"Great job. Now this time, I want Beth to knock it down and Duane to finish it," as Rick spoke he gestured to another walker further in the field. Duane nodded eagerly and Rick placed a hand on his shoulder to keep him from charging off. "Let it come to you, conserve your energy and strength, you never know when you'll need it." Duane nodded and he held out the bat for Beth to take. She exchanged the knife for the bat and held it nervously as the snarling walker approached them.

This one was steadier on its feet, and faster. And Beth's heart rate spiked as she watched it draw near. Rick's low, "now," in her ear spurred her forward and she swung the bat hard enough to make even her middle school gym teacher proud. She missed the knees, but the force of the blow sent the walker stumbling backward and it tripped and landed on its back. Duane ran forward and sank the blade in to an eye socket.

Rick nodded in approval, his smile combined with his blue eyes was a sight not to be missed. Beth couldn't help but feel exhilarated. Between Rick's encouragement and the feeling of not being helpless, she had never felt so alive. She grinned back at Rick and his smile only widened in return.

Now that it was just the four of them they settled into a steady routine. The group was small but they worked well together. Rick and Morgan were the main fighters, they both had good aim and were physically strong enough to easily take walkers one-on-one with a weapon. Beth was quick, she was very good at avoiding walkers and even at going unnoticed by them. Duane was picking up shooting fast, faster than Beth and he didn't complain when he was helping Beth with food or washing clothes or dishes.

Beth was pretty sure the others would have starved without her. Some things they were hilariously clueless to, Rick and Morgan wanted to raid stores and get non-perishables, which was fine, but they were in rural Georgia, so she had them raiding farms for fruits, nuts, and vegetables. Even though winter was nearly upon them they were still edible plants growing. She also knew how to butcher chickens and find unspoiled eggs, she knew how to preserve meat and how to keep it lasting as long as possible. Cows didn't seem to have any self-preservation instincts but chickens seemed to be adept at avoiding walkers as long as there wasn't a herd. So chickens, while still rare, were still a viable food option.

She also made them gather practical things like coolers, reusable ice-packs, and batteries. She even tracked down a crank radio and crank flashlight in a hardware store. The radio was nothing but static but they still turned it on every night and scanned the frequencies.

Beth liked to keep track of the passage of time. She had a calendar that she meticulously ticked off the days in and noted the group's location and any events of note. And soon it was November and Beth's birthday was fast approaching. Beth had drawn balloons in the corner of the calendar to note the occasion but she hadn't planned on sharing with the others that it was her birthday. Not until Duane guessed it after glancing over her shoulder one night while she had the calendar out. Duane, ignoring Beth's protests, eagerly shared the news with Morgan and Rick. Rick and Morgan agreed with Duane that they would throw Beth the best party they could, ignoring her objections.

In any other circumstances, Beth's birthday feast would have been a sad sight, but after so much time on the run and scavenging for food her little feast was glorious. There were canned peaches and pineapple, a can of spaghettiOs, a bag of beef jerky, a bag of Cheetos, and dessert consisted of roasted pecans, a jar of marshmallow fluff, and hostess cupcakes. Morgan and Duane gave her a matching scarf and knitted hat and Rick presented her with a blank notebook and pack of pens.

"We'll do anything you'd like today," Rick told her after she modeled her new scarf and hat.

"Anything?" Beth asked with a curious smile.

"Well, anything we can actually do," Morgan amended Rick's statement. "I doubt there's any still functioning theme parks or movie theaters."

Beth thought back to her sixteenth birthday, her family had gone into Atlanta to catch Wicked on stage and her mother had taken her shopping before the show for a nice dress. It was starting to hurt less when she thought of happier times from Before. Thinking of her family drew her thoughts to the barn on her family's farm. Her mother and brother could still be trapped in there as mindless walkers. Beth knew that if she was ever bit that she wouldn't want to become one of those things. What did her momma think, up in heaven watching her walking corpse ready to eat a person if given the opportunity? Her momma and brother deserved better.

"I want to go back to my family's farm," Beth started quietly. "There's ... there's something I need to do and... I need help to do it." Rick frowned at her request, Beth could see the worry in her eyes. "My daddy... he didn't think the walkers were dead. He thought that there would be a cure so... when people were bit—when my mother and brother were bit, we didn't kill them. They're locked inside the barn." Rick and Morgan's faces were practically mirrors of shock. "My momma... she wouldn't want to be a monster. I want to put her and my brother to rest."

Rick was silent for a while before nodding his assent.

It took a few hours to get back to the farm, between Rick's thorough search for other survivors and the large herds boxing them in, they hadn't gotten too far from her home. There weren't any walkers in sight as Rick parked the truck and Morgan parked the Jeep halfway between the house and barn. Beth thought Rick looked a bit like an action movie star with his serious look of determination, a duffle of weapons slung over his shoulder, his python in his holster, and heavy duty bolt cutters in one hand.

"How many are in there?" Rick asked in a low tone as the four of them walk cautiously towards the barn.

"I don't know. Otis would put whoever he crossed paths with in the barn. I never... visited. But there's a hayloft with a ladder along the side," Beth gestured to the southern wall of the barn where there was ladder to the loft. They stop about fifteen feet from the doors and the heavy chain was still holding the doors closed. Beth couldn't hear any moaning but the walkers inside probably haven't realized there were living people outside yet.

"I'll check out the loft," Rick nodded as he set down the duffle and bolt cutters.

"We'll wait here," Morgan kept his voice low and Duane hovered behind his father. Beth watched Rick anxiously as he moved quietly around the side of the barn. The three of them stood in silence until a sudden snarl broke out in the barn and soon several joined in. Beth and Morgan exchanged an anxious look.

Just when Beth had resolved to go find out what happened to Rick, he walked around corner. "Is everything okay?" Beth asked in an uneasy whisper.

Rick nodded, "One of 'em noticed me when I was counting how many there are. Then that one set 'em all off. But I've got an idea," Rick started and then explained his plan. He wanted only Morgan and himself to shoot the walkers in the barn from the hay loft while Duane and Beth watched for walkers being drawn to the noise of the guns.

Beth protested at first, this was her family, her neighbors and friends. "Rick, I can do this. This is my family, this is my responsibility."

Rick placed a hand on Beth's shoulder, has hand squeezed comfortingly and his eyes were serious as he met her gaze. "I know you can handle this, but you don't have to. No one should have to." Beth felt a wave of emotion overcome her at Rick's words. It wasn't that he didn't think she could handle it, but he didn't want her to have to live with her actions. She wanted her mother and brother to be put to rest but Rick wanted to spare her the pain of having to end her own family. Beth nodded gratefully. Rick placed a light kiss on her hairline, it was more just a brush of his lips but it sent Beth's heart racing all the same. How had she been lucky enough to find the best man left in the world? He protected her without question and did his best to spare her any pain. She was sure she would never find a better man. A man who was devoted to his missing wife.

Beth took a deep breath as Morgan and Rick talked the plan over quietly. "It's gonna be okay, Beth," Duane spoke up from her side. He had a small, appreciative smile on his face as he continued, "Rick... he took care of my mama too. Daddy... he just couldn't."

Beth pulled Duane into a hug. She didn't know that Duane had lost his mother just like she had lost hers. Duane squeezed her back and they stayed together until Morgan asked if they were okay. Duane and Beth pulled apart and shared a small smile before nodding and they followed Rick and Morgan to the side of the barn.

Beth and Duane stayed at the bottom of the ladder as Rick and Morgan climbed up into the hayloft. They stood back to back but a few feet between them so they could keep an eye on all their surroundings. At the first gunshot Beth jumped. She was suddenly very glad that Rick didn't want her to see, she did her best to remember everyone how they had been. She thought of her momma baking while blaring The Beatles in the kitchen and singing along at the top of her lungs. She thought of Shawn and how after one of the older neighbor boys made her cry one day Shawn chased the kid down and pushed him into a pile of manure even though the boy was twice as big as Shawn.

After several long, tense minutes the shooting stopped. Nothing moved from the tree line or on the rest of the farm. Beth took in a deep breath, the cold air burned her lungs but it felt good. Rick and Morgan were clambering down a moment later and Rick put his rifle back in the duffle and picked back up the bolt cutters. The group walked back to the doors and once again Beth and Duane stood back as Rick cut off the chain and Morgan held his gun aloft, ready for any walkers they may have missed. Rick opened the doors, they creaked ominously but there was no other noise. And after a few tense moments no walkers emerged. Rick went in cautiously and Morgan watched his back from the doorway. Rick emerged again a few minutes later with three shovels. They rotated as they dug for a good two hours, three people digging graves while one person stood watch and then all four of them helped carry bodies with a tarp Rick found in the barn. Still no new walkers appeared.

The sun was starting to set when all the graves had been filled in again. Beth was exhausted, she was sweaty and dirty but she felt lighter. She was glad the others had agreed to do this. It was sad to say good-bye to her family, but it was cathartic and she was glad for the closure. The four of them stood silently over the graves. The last grave had been the toughest. Beth hadn't known the little girl that they buried there but she had been young, probably around Duane's age (and Carl's age, given how Rick rubbed at his eyes). The others looked just as exhausted as Beth felt.

"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me..." Beth started to sing. The Beatles had been her mother's favorite band and so she sang Let It Be, she sang soft and slow, closing her eyes and picturing her mother's smile. As soon as she sang the last, "let it be," Rick pulled her into a crushing hug. Beth held onto Rick tightly as she felt tears that she had been holding back finally cascade down her cheeks.

The four of them stood there over the graves, Rick holding Beth and Morgan with an arm around Duane, until the sun set and the world was dark again.

AN: I imagined Beth singing similar to the Across the Universe version rather than the original.

Review please!