AN: OMG it's been over two months, I'm surprised you all haven't rioted! This chapter is very dialogue heavy, which I nitpicked at for pretty much two months and I finally had to tell myself no more and post! So Merry Christmas or all those who celebrate, here is my present to you all. And the next update shouldn't be far off, it's mostly done.

Warnings: Minor violence, mention of suicide

Chapter Nineteen

Beth couldn't bear to let Judith out of her sight. She didn't know if it was some sort of survivor's guilt, but earlier, after Shane disappeared and Rick had run after Carl, Andrea had taken Judith away and Beth's chest had tightened up and she had started to hyperventilate. Beth had chased after Andrea and taken the baby back and Andrea had patted Beth's arm with a sympathetic look.

So now she sat on the bunk she shared with Rick with Judith in her lap. She kept one of Judith's hands in her own, the baby's wrist was between her fingers so she could feel the baby's pulse. She watched, mesmerized Judith's chest rise and fall as she napped. Beth only moved to give Judith a bit of formula that Rick and Andrea had scavenged when her sister had first gone missing. Maggie had brought in the old mail crate they had been using as a bassinet for Judith to sleep in, it sat empty on the floor next to the bunk.

Beth didn't know how long she sat that way just staring at Judith sleeping, watching her chest rise and fall, her thoughts a buzz of white noise. Long enough for the light filtering through the high windows overlooking the cellblock to start fading and for Rick to return and collapse beside her on the bed. Rick looked beyond exhausted as he rubbed at his eyes.

"Hey," Beth greeted softly.

"Hey," Rick croaked and blindly reached for her, his hand squeezed her thigh and then rested on her knee.

"Everything okay outside?" Beth asked, trying to muster some energy for their conversation.

"Morgan's got a temporary fix on the gate, but it won't hold for long. And… Axel and Lori are buried." Rick's voice cracked over Lori's name.

Beth nodded numbly. She couldn't bear to think about Lori, just the mention of the woman's name brought back a flash of Lori's death, Lori clutching at Beth and choking on her own blood. Beth took a deep breath and willed away her thoughts. "How's Carl?"

Rick shrugged, "He's not talkin', he's just lying on the top bunk staring at the ceiling. Duane's in there now keepin' an eye on him. I can't… I just can't help him right now."

"It's okay. All you can do right now is show that you're still here for him," Beth tried for a comforting tone.

Rick let out an angry exhale and sat up abruptly to face her. Beth shifted Judith onto her chest to avoid Rick's movement. "No, it's not—I can't help him. None of us can help any of it!" Rick's fierce tone caused Judith to stir, but Beth just stared at Rick in confusion.

"Rick?" She asked tentatively. She didn't like this defeatist attitude from Rick. If Rick lost hope, what hope did Beth have?

Rick scrubbed roughly at his face before looking her in the eye again, "Lori turned. While we were diggin' graves."

"What? But…" Beth trailed off as her mind raced. Lori hadn't been bit, there was no way. Lori hadn't been allowed anywhere near a walker since coming into the prison. And Beth was there while she died.

"We're all infected. We die, we turn. No bite necessary," Rick told her, his voice sounding as dead as a walker.

Beth continued to stare at Rick, she had felt numb for so long that she was surprised when her anger started to build. Rick couldn't break, especially over something they had absolutely no control over. If Rick broke the others would surely follow and Beth was barely hanging on as it was. "So there's no point? We should just stop trying? Slit our wrists and get it over with?" Beth's voice rose with each accusation.

"Wait, Beth—"

"No! If you're giving up we might as well go all the way!" Beth's anger was starting to rouse Judith, and Rick placed a calming hand on the baby's back. Beth, for the first time in hours, thought about letting go of Judith. She looked down at the crate lined with a folded sheet and then glanced back at Judith. The baby's eyes were still closed. Beth remembered her mother telling her once that babies can sense distress. Beth was near shaking with anger and pent up emotion so she, very reluctantly, set Judith down in the basket. Beth's heart rate ratcheted as watched the baby squirm for a moment before settling down. She turned back to Rick, ready to rip him a new one, rage at him for everything that had gone wrong since the herd had swarmed her family's farm but Rick's hands cupped her face and he captured her in a kiss.

It was just a press of lips, but she could feel Rick's desperation in how his fingers trembled against her skin. Her anger vanished. A swell of sadness overcame her and tears started to slip out her closed eyes. Sadness for Lori dying unhappy and lonely. Sadness for Carl losing his mother. Sadness for Judith never getting the chance to know Lori. Sadness for the loss of her own mother. Guilt for every awful thought she'd thought about Lori, before and after they met. Guilt for feeling relieved that Rick was here with her, that she didn't have to compete for Rick.

Rick pulled back from the kiss just far enough to gently wipe away her escaping tears with his thumbs. Beth opened her eyes to see Rick staring back at her, intense as the first time they kissed. His voice was hoarse as he spoke, "I'm not giving up. I just… I need a break."

Beth's voice came out stronger than she expected as she replied, "Well, tough. You don't get a break. You've got a whole lot of people counting on you. I'm counting on you." Rick couldn't waiver right now. Everyone needed stability right now, Beth especially. They were under attack from living people, Rick had to be strong. And Beth had to be strong for Rick.

"How about just until morning?" Rick asked, his hands were finally steady against her skin.

"Only because neither of us has slept in the last two days," Beth agreed.

Rick collapsed backwards dragging Beth down to lie beside him. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. "I just … need this. Need you," his voice was muffled in her hair but it still sent a buzz of emotion down her spine. Beth shifted until they were both on their sides, she was still in Rick's arms and relished in Rick's warmth wrapped around her. She gave into her exhaustion feeling secure with Rick's presence.

Rick woke up to the sounds of his name being yelled and a clanging noise echoing off the cement walls. Rick had only a second to enjoy Beth warm in his arms before Judith starting crying, also woken up from the noise. Beth startled in his arms, jerking towards Judith's basket. They were both still in their clothes from yesterday and Rick felt stiff and uncomfortable, but he got up regardless. He had a promise to keep to Beth.

He took a moment to press a kiss on Beth's forehead as she rocked the fussy infant and by then Merle's jeering voice had joined in on the yelling. Rick sighed. Back to reality, he sighed internally as he made his way out of the cell towards Merle and what he assumed was a finally awake and extremely unhappy Allen.

Rick reached the commotion just as Merle was threatening to gut Allen like a fish. "There will be no gutting. For now." Rick said in lieu of a greeting.

Allen stopped his yelling and banging against the cell bars at his arrival and instead glowered at Rick. Merle settled into a murderous glare at Allen. Tyreese stood in between them attempting to keep the peace but looking worn out.

"And why not?" Merle asked.

"Right now, he's more useful alive. He has information we want on Woodbury and the Governor," Rick explained.

"I like the sound of this, are you goin' to go all Gitmo on him? 'Cuz I will help," Merle leered at Allen with an unsavory smile. Allen let out a strangled yelp.

"We are not torturing him," Tyreese glared at Merle and then his look turned pleading as he faced Rick, "We aren't those kinds of people."

Rick didn't answer either man and instead chose to study Allen. Fear was starting to bleed through Allen's anger, Rick imagined that the man regretted not retreating with the Governor when he had the chance. Allen wasn't some unknown terrorist from an unfamiliar culture, he was just a normal guy that Rick knew, that lost his wife and was lashing out. But Lori was dead. Axel was dead. T-Dog was injured from the attack. Glenn, Sasha and Michonne were injured from Woodbury. This prison was supposed to be safe with its walls and fences, how was Rick supposed to protect his people from someone like the Governor?

"Dad, you have to kill him." Rick was startled out of his contemplations as Carl appeared at his side, an ugly glare on his face. Rick also noticed some of the others lurking nearby at the entry to the common area watching the proceedings.

"Dad?" Allen questioned as he glanced between them, "Finally reunited with your long lost wife and son? How cute," Allen stated bitterly.

"You killed my mom," Carl snarled. Rick placed his hand on Carl's shoulder to keep him from attacking Allen.

"And your dad killed my wife. She was a mom too. Seems like a fair exchange." Allen was making Rick's decision easier every time he opened his mouth.

"Carl, I got this." Carl turned his frown on his father before shrugging off Rick's grip and storming away towards Duane and Morgan, who were also observing from a distance. Morgan nodded at Rick, he'd keep an eye on his son and Rick nodded back gratefully. Rick turned back to face Allen, crossing his arms and stepping up to the bars that separated them. "How did I kill your wife? I gave you supplies. Guns. A vehicle. You had more than before you met me."

"You abandoned us," Allen shouted. He was losing his fear as Rick reminded him of his anger.

"See, I think you got your wife killed. Or maybe Ben did. Where is your son?"

"Safe from you," Allen spit.

"Are you sure?" Allen's startled reaction was exactly what Rick wanted. "See, I've snuck twice into your town and neither time was I out to hurt anyone. Imagine what we can do when that is our intention." Allen's eyes were wide with fear and his face paled as Rick's words sank in. "How safe will Ben be then?" Rick asked, his tone scornful. Merle punctuated Rick's threat with a malicious chuckle. The man was a bit too gleeful to do damage but in this instance Rick appreciated the effect.

"No, not Ben! Please, Rick, I'll tell you whatever you want just promise me you won't hurt my son!" Allen turned to begging quicker than Rick would have thought.

Rick faced Merle and Tyreese again, "See, no torture necessary."

"What a pussy," Merle muttered but Tyreese looked relieved.

"Rick," Andrea finally interrupted as she stepped up beside Tyreese, she had been lurking since Rick arrived. "Can we have a word?" She asked and tilted her head towards the common room outside the row of cells. Rick nodded at Andrea and they headed out, Merle and Tyreese following. Most of the others were now gathering in the common area. Big Tiny was serving up some sort of food in bowls, Rick watched him place a bowl in front of a worn out looking Glenn. Maggie was at Glenn's side watching him anxiously, her father next to her also monitoring Glenn. Beth was standing and rocking a fussy Judith between Oscar and Sasha while Michonne was in the corner stretching out her injured leg. Daryl was in another corner eating out of a bowl and shooting out glares at anyone in his vicinity between bites. Shane was still nowhere in sight. Everyone turned to look at Rick expectantly as he entered.

Andrea turned to face him, arms over her chest and ready for business while Tyreese and Merle went to stand with the others. Morgan also joined, Duane and Carl nowhere in sight but Rick wasn't worried, not with Duane keeping an eye on Carl. Andrea spoke first, "This isn't a dictatorship or monarchy. We should all be in agreement on what happens next."

"Okay," Rick nodded. That was how he had run his group before the prison and he saw no reason to change plus he wouldn't force anyone into anything.

"What are you planning to do with your… hostage?" Andrea asked.

"We need to strike at Woodbury before they come back and Allen has information we need. How many people are in that town? What's their firepower? Their experience?" Rick could see others nodding along with his words.

"We can't just attack these people. No one else needs to die," Andrea said incredulously.

"What do you suggest, ignore them and hope they go away?" Rick asked doubtfully.

"If we're reasonable then they will be too. Carol is there, we should use Allen to get to her and request a meeting. Negotiate a truce," Andrea stated stubbornly.

"Negotiate? You want to negotiate with people who storm in and shoot up our place, kill our people? Kidnap and torture us for information?" Glenn stood up, anger clear on his still bruised face.

"We're better than that and we need to prove it," Andrea responded.

Oscar interrupted, "Look, here in the joint if someone attacks you, messes you up, you don't try to negotiate to get them to leave you alone. You prove that you are a top dog that is not to be messed with."

"Chocolate thunder here makes a lotta sense," Merle spoke up as he clapped Oscar on the back.

"And who says they won't just retaliate again? What if this cycle continues until there's no one left on either side to continue it?" Andrea turned to face Merle and Oscar as she spoke.

"Well then, we best make sure that no one of their side is left standing first," Merle bit back. He held up a fist bump to Oscar, which Oscar returned only once Andrea had turned her back of them to address Rick again.

"These guys are better armed and supplied than us, plus they outnumber us, we may not be left standing if we wait around and try to negotiate. I think we need to strike hard and fast," Rick stated once he had Andrea's full attention again. As reluctant as Rick was to agree with Merle on anything, the man had a point.

"That to me seems like a reason to try to negotiate, the odds aren't in our favor," Andrea argued.

"I agree with Andrea," Hershel stood and joined in, "I will not risk my daughters' safety. Especially after what we learned yesterday, it doesn't take a bit to turn. What happened to Lori could happen to any of us from a fight with those people."

Rick wanted to retaliate against Hershel for bringing up Lori, her filmed over eyes snarling for flesh, flashed through his mind. "That seems like a rash conclusion that we'll turn no matter what, couldn't there be some other explanation?" Andrea spoke, she saw the fear in the others and tried to calm it.

"Like what? It was sumthin' baby related?" Merle snorted.

"I just don't think we should all panic," Andrea glared at Merle.

Rick knew the longer he held back the information he had the worse it would be. "We're all infected, it's true. When Morgan and I went to Atlanta looking for the refugee camp we went to the CDC when we didn't find the camp. We met a doctor, he was looking for a cure even though he thought it was hopeless. He told me as we were getting ready to leave, that 'we're all infected.'"

"Rick?" Morgan asked with a frown. Rick held Morgan's gaze hoping his friend would forgive him for his silence.

"And you're just telling us this now?" Andrea asked in disbelief.

"Dr. Jenner was drunk, suicidal and begging us to stay and go up in flames with him. They were just words. I didn't see a reason to panic everyone in case he was wrong." The room was quiet, it was a heavy silence and Rick could feel the accusation in some of their gazes.

"The helicopter… those soldiers in the crash… they stabbed them to keep them from turning," Michonne spoke up. Rick nodded.

"So maybe these people over in Woodbury aren't as evil as we make them out to be," Tyreese's tone was hopeful.

"That still doesn't explain the teeth pulling. And why they wanted them alive," Michonne pointed out.

"They're like bears or tigers or some shit," Daryl grumbled.

"What you say, little brother? Them geeks are like bears or tigers?" Merle snorted.

"Like them Romans, gladiator fights against bears and tigers for entertainment!" Daryl shot back with a glare. Daryl was right, Rick had seen their makeshift arena, pitting man against man against walker.

"I say we negotiate, or leave this place altogether," Hershel spoke again.

"Abandon this place?" Sasha asked in disbelief.

"Na ah, no way. We haven't been here long but I think you're forgetting what it was like to sleep outside of these walls," T-Dog chimed in.

"So we should negotiate then. I don't want to see my sister or anyone else, hurt again," Tyreese suggested.

"Hope for the best, plan for the worst. We go forward with trying to negotiate peace with them, but we plan for the worst." Morgan spoke up again.

"Gives us more time to make this place more defensible. Runs for supplies," Michonne added. Most of the others were murmuring and nodding along with Morgan's proposition.

"I don't want to lose anyone else if we can help it. And we can," Beth's crystal clear voice rose above the murmuring. Maggie left Glenn's side to give her sister a hug around Judith. Rick didn't like that the people he trusted the most were against his plan, especially Beth, even though her stance was understandable, and he wouldn't force anyone to risk their lives. But these people killed Lori and the group was willing to forgive and forget. He wondered if he could take a small force, the Dixons, Oscar, Glenn if he was healed, Shane if he was able, and strike the Governor and his forces down all at once. But Woodbury was full of families too. Would they have to kill everyone? Could a wife or child want revenge on Rick and his own if they succeeded? He surveyed the room for a moment, taking in the looks of anger and fear among the group until his eyes landed on Beth again. She was looking down at Judith, rocking her to keep the baby from fussing but her eyes looked up as if sensing Rick's gaze. She smiled, it was small but genuine and her eyes were warm as she looked back at him. Beth trusted him to do the right thing, even after all the craziness and his near breakdown the night before, she didn't doubt him. Rick was tempted to tell everyone to get lost and pull her into his arms. Instead he called for a vote, "Alright. We'll put it to a vote. Show of hands of who wants to negotiate with this Governor?"

It was a landside. Only Merle, Glenn, Oscar and himself didn't raise their hand. Merle cursed at his brother but Daryl remained firm in his vote. Merle muttered something about pansies before stalking out towards the courtyard.

"Alright then, Tyreese and Andrea, let's go speak with Alan."

AN: Review please! The next chapter we're going to check in on Shane, finally!