Felix was back in the hospital by the end of the week. It just proved to everyone that he was weak and stupid. Someone who was strong, someone like his brother, wouldn't be forced to go back to the hospital. Glenn wouldn't have screwed up something as easy as killing yourself. Felix must be really inept if he could even die properly.
Now he was back in this stupid place. Getting out the first time had been easy. All he had to do was follow their stupid rules, ask a couple questions in group and take those stupid pills the doctors gave him that only made his head numb and made it harder to think. Stupid doctors couldn't even give him a medicien that worked. They were all stupid. He was stupid.
He had stopped taking those dumb pills the moment he got out of the hospital. When he did, everything went back to the way things were. The medicine hadn't fixed his problems at all. Then, everything got worse. He couldn't even bring himself to walk down stairs to get breakfast. It was pathetic. He felt weak, shakey. Exhausted, he had stripped out of his clothes and hunkered down in the bathtub. He wasn't enough of a dick to make a mess for his father to clean up after he was gone. Felix pulled the blades out of his brother's razor, and slit his wrists.
It had been his brother who had found him, vision going dark and his senses fading. Glenn had scooped him out of the tub, rushed him to the car, and sped him to the hospital. All Felix could remember was his brother's strong arms holding him close, curse words rumbling deep in his chest. When he woke up again, it was in a hospital bed hooked up to monitors, his brother on one side holding his hand, his father on the other talking with Mr. Dr. Eisner. They had asked why he had tried to kill himself.
That's when it all came out. With tears and choked anger, witnessed by his brother, father, Mr. Dr. Eisner and the nurse who came in to replace his sailene. It was embarrassing. Felix was weak, and stupid. All he did was take up space and make people waste their energy worrying about him. He would never be as good as his brother, or as good as his father wanted him to be. Not even the drugs the doctor had given him had made him better. It was impossible to make anything worthwhile out of him. He was better off dying so he could get out of everyone's way.
After he said his piece and stopped sobbing, his father had sat down on the edge of the bed, pet his hair, and told him that he had never been disappointed in Felix. He loved Felix, no matter what he did or said or made of himself, and that was never going to change. Glenn followed up by saying that he didn't have to be as good as him, because Felix was good in his own way. Felix cried some more.
Mr. Dr. Eisner then explained to Felix about withdrawal, and how it was likely that the reason he had been feeling worse than he ever had in his life is because he had suddenly stopped taking his medication. He also explained that these medications were meant to be taken for a very long time, and one week on the meds were not going to immediately cure him. There were also a huge number of medications they could prescribe to him, and if he didn't feel good on the ones he was taking they would be able to change it. There was still hope.
They all discussed plans to move forward, and Mr. Dr. Eisner suggested that they re-admit him to the Blue Lions Ward. That would be the safest place for Felix to be. His father agreed. Felix didn't feel like he could say no, not after having scared his family so badly and not with how hopeful the doctor sounded.
Now, here he was. Back in the same goddess forsaken room with the same goddess forsaken people. It was like nothing had changed, except for the fact that now he had a roommate. They had moved Sylvain out of Ashe's room and stuck him in with Felix. The lecher had just smiled over an armful of belongings and welcomed him back with a wink. He was going to be an awful roommate. Felix didn't say anything to him. He just lay down on the bottom bunk, he was tired of climbing up that stuped ladder every time he got into bed, and closed his eyes while listening to Sylvain shuffle around his belongings and get ready for bed.
Sylvain must have assumed that Felix had fallen asleep, because he soon heard the tell tale *shick shick* of a man who was touching himself.
"Shut up Gautier," Felix growled.
The sound suddenly stopped. "Heh, sorry," Sylvain said, and Felix could almost hear him rubbing the back of his neck in his voice.
"I don't need to put up with your insatiable habits when I'm trying to sleep," Felix grumbled.
"I guess you're right."
Felix was about to attempt to fall asleep when the bed started shaking and he heard shuffling from above. Sylvain's head appeared in the air, upside down from the top bunk. Felix gave Sylvain his most annoyed glare.
"How about we make a deal? I'll stop mastrabating at night if you stop hiding knives in your mattress."
Felix rolled his eyes. He understood what Sylvain was trying to do. This way they would help each other out, be accountable to each other. It sounded like that stupid, thereputic bullshit he had only half paied attention to last time he was here. It sounded like it might work. "Fine, whatever. Go to sleep."
Sylvain flashed his pearly whites at Felix before his head disappeared again. The red head was quiet for the rest of the night. Maybe he wouldn't make such a bad roommate after all. Not that Felix would ever say that to him, his head was big enough as it was.