TRIGGER WARNING – Mention of suicidal thoughts, self harm and abuse. Self-harm occurs heavily within this chapter, please read with caution.

crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret.

it's you or me, amplified.

if you ever told a lie and enjoyed it.

if you ever wished you could be a child, forever.

have you ever confused a dream with reality?

or stolen something when you didn't have the cash?

have you ever been blue?

or thought your train was moving when it was sitting still?

Maka trudged off miserably to Arts and Crafts. Soul had wandered off somewhere and she hadn't asked whether he was going to attend or not since that would indicate that she care cared. Which she didn't. The last thing Maka needed was people getting the wrong idea about herself and Soul Evans.

The blonde sighed again and wrapped her arms around her torso, holding herself together. Something she felt she had to do when she was feeling blue, which she felt very, very suddenly. Maka never knew when it would hit her, which only made it more annoying and painful when it did.

She hadn't noticed any difference in her episodes since taking the pills Stein had given her, so she assumed she would have to wait for any effects. She supposed she had only been taking them for a few days so she probably shouldn't expect much so soon.

Maka grit her teeth before rounding a corner of the very school like halls to press her back to a wall as the other patients continued to walk past. She pulled up the left sleeve of her jacket so she could look at the angry scars that marked her wrist. She pressed her thumb to the veins under the skin of her wrist and hissed.

She had to cut. She needed it. It hurt. It hurt not the do it. It felt like the blood in the veins of her wrist had been replaced with crushed glass. It ground together when she pressed it. This wasn't a good pain. This was the pain that signifies what she wanted. What she needed.

But Maka wasn't stupid, and neither was this stupid institute. She knew she wouldn't find any unattended scissors, pencil sharpeners or razors just lying around for her to snatch. She knew this and it pissed her off. But there was one thing that this place institute forget. She lifted her fingers to inspect her nails. Maka had always taken good care of her nails for this reason. If she had ever forgot her blade to school or anywhere else, these would be nearly as effective.

The halls had grown quiet, and Maka knew that if she didn't get this over with her absence would be noticed soon. She was still new kid after all, so they would be careful.

Maka bit her bottom lip before she pressed her thumb nail over the skin just below the inside of her elbow where she could more easily hide the wound. She let it sting for a moment before she finally jerked her hand down and sighed as the nail broke the skin and drew blood.

She let it rest for a while before dragging it horizontally, making a perfect yet deep slice just below her inner elbow.

It was bliss. Fucking bliss. Blood dotted from the wound before dripping down her arm. She didn't stop there. Her jacket was dark, the blood wouldn't show when she pulled the sleeve down, so she risked two more slits in her already overly marked skin.

She started to hear voices when she got halfway through her fourth wound and pulled her sleeve down. The arm looked fine, but her hand didn't. Blood coated her thumb and her hand, so she quickly thrust her hands into her pockets as Tsubaki and Kid rounded the corner where she sat.

"Maka," Tsubaki breathed as she scurried to the blonde's side and searched her eyes. Maka felt a wave of guilt as soon as she considered the kind girl's eyes. The taller woman was completely oblivious as to what Maka had just done. Maka then looked over to Kid who eyed her cautiously. Maka guessed he wasn't as dense as Tsubaki.

"What were you doing?" he asked in a guarded voice, as he turned and led the two to the Arts and Crafts room. He looked over his shoulder to Maka, obviously expecting an answer. She decided it was safe to walk beside Tsubaki, but she had yet to make that decision about Kid.

"I just got a little overwhelmed, I guess," Maka said in a small yet firm voice and shrugged, her hands still buried deeply in her pockets. Her hands clenched into fists within the pockets as Kid continued to inspect her before accepting the answer and offering the blonde a smile.

"You had us worried there, Maka," he told her as he opened the door to the Art room. "We thought you'd ran off."

Before she could respond she was met by another teacher who grinned happily at her. He wore a thick black robe, and she could hear music pulsing from his earphones, which he made no move to remove.

"Hello there, Maka!" he yelled happily. Maka released a strained sigh. "My name is Justin and I'm going to be your Arts and Crafts teacher!"

Maka offered a meek smile through the pain, still slightly buzzed but she froze as he held a handout to her.

"Nice to meet you," he said, and Maka nodded in return and looked up to Tsubaki. She tried to look scared or something. It's not like she could just say: "Oh, I would shake your hand, but you see, I was feeling a little down and figured that clawing at my own skin sort that out. Now my right hand is blood stained and it would be rather difficult to shake your own hand with my left, right? Sorry!"

"U-um…" Tsubaki's eyes flooded with concern, and she wrapped an arm around the smaller woman's shoulders and offered Justin an apologetic smile. Maka stiffened at the contact and fought the urge to shake the arm off.

"Maka was late since she felt a little overwhelmed." She explained and Justin's own eyes narrowed with worry as they landed on Maka.

Her stomach clenched with guilt. Why did she keep feeling guilty? She never had before - Why do all these people have to care so much about every little thing?

"You do look a little pale," he told Maka, his eyes concerned. "Did you sleep enough last night?"

Maka laughed dryly. "Define enough."

Justin shook his head and whispered something to Tsubaki before smiling kindly at Maka.

"You go back to your room and sleep, okay? I'll send a councillor in there to check on you later, just leave the door open. Sound good?"

Maka smiled gratefully and suppressed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, but you already sent Tsubaki out once to come find me. I'll be fine walking on my own."

"Oh, but I don't think that I can allow that. You see, I can't let a new pupil to just wander around the hospital on their own."

Maka swallowed a scoff. Pupil? She was just another one of their patients. Thankfully, a voice interrupted her musings.

"It's fine, Justin."

The three turned to see Soul stood in the doorway, his eyes hard on the small blonde.

"I'll walk her back and find Marie. You guys enjoy the session."

Without another word, Soul stepped forward and grabbed Maka's wrist and led her swiftly away from the room.

"Hey," She grumbled when they were out of hearing-range, pulling her wrist free of his grip. "What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me?" he snapped, still walking ahead of her.

Maka stopped in front of her door and eyed Soul warily. He was being weird, but she didn't have time to figure out why. She already felt that familiar burning in her arm and she doubted she'd ever get this much privacy again. Soul just needed to go away.

"Okay, well, thanks," She started awkwardly. Soul just sneered and opened her door for behind her, letting himself in.

"Um, excuse me? Are you trying to piss me off today?" Maka asked in disbelief as she reeled in after him. Soul just shook his head and slammed her door behind her. The blonde blinked. He wasn't allowed to do that.

Maka turned her eyes up to his expression. There was anger but there was clearly some concern.

"Soul," Maka said slowly. She backed away from him, farther into her room as apprehension began gnawing in her stomach. Did he...? No. He couldn't have.

"What's wrong?"

Soul didn't answer. All he did was step forward and before her. With a blank expression, he pulled her left arm towards him and jerked her sleeve up to expose her arm.