TRIGGER WARNING - Mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts and abuse. Please read with caution.

perhaps she was glass.

but glass is only brittle till it breaks,

then it's sharp.

Maka swore her chest had never felt so tight. Despite her anger, she couldn't help but imagine how much it was going to hurt when Soul would leave. He wouldn't walk past and drag her to the piano room without a word. He wouldn't yell at her when she was being unreasonable. He would just be gone.

It was then that she realised that she didn't even know when he was going to leave. A small ball of dread starting to form in her stomach, so quickly that she winced in pain.

"Ow," she muttered and wrapped her arms around her middle.

When she was sure the coast was clear, she exited her room and made her way towards the library. She needed to calm down. The last thing anyone needed was Maka having another breakdown, and she pettily didn't want to give Soul the satisfaction. But, if she was being honest, she didn't want to make him feel bad about something he couldn't control.

He could certainly control being such a dick, though. Her mind flickered back to his confession, about having had another girl in the piano room. She tried to ignore the painful twist in her stomach at the thought. Surely that was just another tactic to push her away.

Regardless, it was the most successful one.

She checked nearest clock to check the time. 11:30 am. That gave her half an hour before dinner. Maka's lips turned down at the thought of food. She didn't eat that morning either but with the emotional roller coaster that she had been on – from her mother and Soul – the thought of food only made her feel nauseated.

As Maka turned the corner to enter the library, she found her usual seat taken by Tsubaki. The long-haired girl had her legs curled up beneath her on the small couch and her nose buried in a generously paged book. Maka was about to sigh in annoyance but then her eyes landed on the title of the book.

"Oh," Maka said aloud accidentally. Tsubaki looked up and Maka pointed at the book she was reading. "Sorry – I'm just surprised someone else likes that book. I love it."

Tsubaki's expression went from shocked to delighted as Maka spoke. Maka didn't have the chance to ponder her expressions as the sound of the raven-haired girl's voice perked up.

"Really? I've liked this book ever since I was a little girl. I've read it whenever I felt down ever since I got here."

"You read the same book more than once?"

"You don't?"

"No – I do. I've just never met anyone else who did. My Papa used to say it was something that narrow-minded people did."

Tsubaki's eyes clouded with so much sadness that Maka knew for sure it was about more than a mean comment from a parent. Maka knew that everyone knew about what happened with her Papa, but the thought still made her uncomfortable. Just as her mood began to plummet at the thought, Tsubaki started talking once again.

"I can't even name all the ways I disagree with that. I catch on to something new I never noticed every time I read a book. It's too much to take in in just one reading!"

"Right? I don't know how people can just read it once."

"Exactly!" Tsubaki laughed and Maka managed a smile. It was quiet for a moment before Maka decided to try something really new.

"So… You said you read it when you're down?" She began, Tsubaki looked startled before nodding slowly. "Everything okay?"

"Well, actually…" Tsubaki closed the book and placed it softly at her side before leaning towards Maka. "Don't tell anyone, but it's actually Blackstar."

Maka's brows shot up. She found herself leaning forwards in interest as Tsubaki went on, all thoughts of Soul's betrayal gone.

"I haven't even told Liz this but… Blackstar and I…" Tsubaki's face was slowly turning bright red and if Maka wasn't so stunned she would have laughed.

"Wait, wait, wait – " Maka chanted and Tsubaki dropped her head and groaned into her hands. "Blackstar and you? You and him?"

"Yes…" Tsubaki lifted her face from her hands and looked miserably at Maka. "I've liked him from the moment I met him. He is so different from anyone I have ever known. He's so... confident and sure of himself and he treats me so kindly. He even protects me. I love it and a while down the line he told me he likes me too and – "

"And what?" Maka gasped and Tsubaki groaned again.

"Nothing, nothing!" Tsubaki cried. Maka turned her head at her in disbelief before the raven-haired girl huffed in embarrassment. "Well, something – "

"Well, what?"

"Well, we just made out a little!"

"A little?"

"Well…"

"What?"

"Makaaaa," Tsubaki groaned and both girls squealed with laughter. Maka had to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye before she could speak again. This was the most welcome distraction from a breakdown that she'd ever had.

"Well, back to the point," she managed once she found her voice. "Why are you down? It's about Blackstar, that much I know."

Tsubaki's shoulders dropped, and she nodded.

"We had a fight, which really doesn't happen between us. I'm sure you can tell that he's close to going home. He's come really far and I'm so proud of him."

Maka nodded before pressing lightly. "But?"

"But he says he wants to 'pretend' to be bad again. You know, with all the God stuff. So that he doesn't have to leave."

"Wait, time out," Maka held a palm up with a frown. "Why would he do that?"

Tsubaki shrugged before smiling sadly at Maka. It was then that Maka released a small sigh of understanding.

"Oh."

"Yep."

"That's a lot."

"You're telling me," Tsubaki pulled her legs up to wrap her arms around them and rest her chin on her knees. She stared at the carpet before continuing. "It's not like I want him to leave. I care about him so much. Way more than I should. But he can't throw away his future and his health just because of me. That's not right."

Maka nodded slowly. Tsubaki was completely right. It was hard not to compare both of their situations, but the more Maka did the more she realised that they were very different. Blackstar was leaving because he was ready. Soul didn't have any say in the matter and he certainly wasn't ready.

Maka couldn't help but think that there was some truth in what Soul said, despite how much it hurt her. Maybe it really was only ever a bad thing to start something romantic in a place like this. Maka shook the thought away and focused on Tsubaki.

"I get it," Maka said quietly. "So, you told him this? That's why you fought?"

Tsubaki huffed and nodded.

"Yep. He kinda struggles with his anger too and wanted to be alone. It's been a while now though, so I can expect him at any moment."

"And then what?" Maka asked carefully. Tsubaki just shrugged.

"He'll see sense. He's not as stupid as everyone thinks, he's one of the smartest people I know. He just leads heavily with his emotions, which then leads to things like – "

"This." Maka quipped. They both laughed softly.

"Yeah." Tsubaki nodded before lifting her head to look after Maka, her eyes twinkling with humour. "But I have a feeling that I'm not the only one here who has to deal with boy trouble."

"I am very sure I don't know what you're talking about." Maka tried to respond seriously but couldn't help but laugh when Tsubaki did. There was this weird, light feeling in her chest as she did. Is this what normal friends did?

"You wanna talk about it?" Tsubaki smiled. Maka opened her mouth to tell her no but stopped. This entire institution's solution to everything was to talk, so why not try it when she feels semi-relaxed?

"Actually, yeah," Maka breathed. "Soul and I have kinda been best friends since my first few days here. We fight all the time so…"

Maka shrugged.

"And is that all you've ever been?" Tsubaki asked softly. "Best friends? It's never gotten…"

Tsubaki trailed off and Maka felt her cheeks flush as the heated kisses in the piano room sprung to the forefront of her mind.

"Oh, something definitely happened!" Tsubaki teased and Maka shot her a look.

"Fine!" Maka brushed her hair from her face and raised her chin. "We – We've kissed. A few times."

"Kissed?"

"Fine, made out." Maka hissed but Tsubaki just laughed.

"And what? You guys never thought about discussing that?"

Maka opened her mouth to reply but ended up shrugging. Soul and she had discussed it, to a point. But it's a topic they had never revisited for some reason. Things had gotten so crazy that she figured he'd just forgotten.

But she thought about it a lot. She even found herself wanting to do it again and explore it further – and she had no doubt that Soul felt the same way, with the way his eyes sometimes lingered on her lips when their conversations faltered. But just when she thought he would lean in and capture her lips deliciously in his own, he would lean back, gruffly clear his throat and excuse himself. And they wouldn't talk about it.

Maka told Tsubaki all of this, and the girl listened with intent and caring eyes. Maka left out the recent fight, and the whole 'I had other girls in the piano room' shit - She knew she wouldn't be able to talk about that without shutting down.

But the blonde found the conversation at times more therapeutic than some of her therapy sessions. Talking about the more mundane parts of her experience with Soul was… nice. Marie helped her a lot and so did Stein, but there was certainly something about talking to someone who was experiencing a similar thing. And who wasn't listening to you just because they got paid for it.

It was so normal. Two girls just sitting down and talking about how fucking annoying boys were. Maka found a new fondness for Tsubaki and suddenly felt she was certainly someone she could approach if need be.

But of course, their fun was abruptly cut short.

"Tsu?"

The two looked up to find Blackstar stood sheepishly in the doorway. Maka found it hard to concentrate on Tsubaki's reaction as her eyes found Soul's, who was stood at Blackstar's side.

"Comin' to lunch?" Soul asked Maka in a low voice. Maka held his gaze for a moment before standing and walking around him, not looking back at him once.

Once she got her food, she sat on a table with their usual group but found herself growing more and more nauseous at the sight of food.

"You not hungry?" Soul asked quietly.

Maka had to fight a wince at the sound of his voice. He had sat next to her, despite her glaring at him. She couldn't believe he was acting like nothing had happened, like they hadn't had the worse fight of their… whatever. Like he hadn't said that he… Maka squeezed her eyes shut.

"No," Maka muttered and pushed away her tray. He was making her stomach hurt – it was like she was being stabbed in her side every time he spoke.

"Did you eat this morning?" he asked, and she felt like closing her eyes and counting to ten.

"No." she said again through grit teeth. "Just leave me alone."

"Maka, you need to – "

Maka didn't want to hear anymore. She stood and quickly made her way towards her room. Her heart soared when she realised, she was going to make it. She was removing herself away from a toxic situation.

"Maka."

She groaned.

"Oh my god."

Maka whipped around just before reaching her room to find Stein, back in his chair, and looking at her with bored eyes.

"Can't I have one minute alone?" she snapped at the poor man.

"It's one pm." He said, ignoring her bark and pushing a bag of pills into her hands and a bottle of water. "Today, please."

Maka winced. Even water made her feel sick, but she knew that Stein wouldn't leave her alone if she said that. She took all the pills together and washed them down before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Happy?"

Stein offered her a false smile.

"You did great. Want a prize?"

"Some peace and quiet would be nice," she grumbled as she turned on her heels to enter her room. She stumbled when a dull ache attacked her side. "Ouch...!"

She gripped her door frame and tried to gather her wits when she heard Stein behind her.

"Hey, you alright?"

"You're still here?" She managed through clenched teeth. Instead of his normal indifferent gaze she found him looking quite concerned.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing – Just an upset stomach."

"You sure?"

"Yes, now can I please have some peace? I feel sick so I just want to lay down a while."

Stein watched her for a long moment before nodding slowly and wheeling away.

"I'll tell Marie you're excused. Update me on how you feel tomorrow." He yelled and Maka shut the door before he was even finished.

Maka took the entire day off – she even skipped group – and went to bed nice and early. For once, she slept the whole night, regardless of the nagging pain in her side. She refused to think about Soul and what to do about him. All she wanted to do, was sleep…

The next day, Maka didn't wake up feeling better.

She felt worse.

The pain had grown horribly, no matter how she stood or sat, nothing made it feel better. And it was relentless, it didn't flare up or calm down it just… remained. It hurt so bad she didn't even have time to think about Soul. She didn't think she had a fever, but she did feel hot and sick, but that could just be because she slept with all the covers. Surely that's all it was.

Of course, Stein came banging on her door at seven in the morning, and she didn't even have the energy to try and hide how hideous she felt.

"Here's your – Wow."

"Oh, thank you."

"No better?"

Maka shook her head but knew not to grip her side – If she could pass this as a bug, he would leave her alone. She was sure that's all it was anyway, but everyone here liked to make a drama of everything, and Stein was no exception.

"What are your symptoms. Abdomen pain?"

Maka controlled her expression and shook her head no. "Just feel sick. My stomach hurts a little, but I think it's just the nausea."

Stein nodded. "I included some anti-nausea pills for you today, just in case. I'll let Marie know how you're doing."

"Thanks Stein."

"Don't mention it."

Stein left and Maka had flopped down on her bed for a total of ten seconds before someone came bursting into the room.

"Maka."

"Knock much?" Maka snapped as she sat up, her side protesting as she did. Soul rolled his eyes at her and grasped her upper arm to help her stand.

"Ugh – Soul, what are you – "

"We need to talk."

"I'm in my pyjamas."

"Then we'll talk here!" he snapped at her and turned around to shut her door. When he turned to face her again it seemed he finally took in her appearance. "Wait, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," She grabbed her jacket from her bed and pulled it on. "Why are you here? Go away."

"I need to talk to you." He repeated. Maka felt a knot of fury tighten in her stomach.

"Well, I don't want to talk." She snapped. "And you don't have the right to demand me to, after the shit you said."

Soul at least had the decency to cast his eyes down at that. "Maka – "

"This was a dumb idea? I never should have pursued you? You're not the only girl I've had in the piano room? What, did you want a round of applause, Soul?" Maka mocked scornfully. Soul narrowed his eyes.

"I know you're upset," He growled. "But that doesn't mean you get to talk to me like shit."

"Oh," Maka laughed. A real laugh that made Soul's eyes flash with fury. "Oh, my bad. I forgot you're the only one allowed to be a dick in this relationship. I should have remembered my place, huh? Wake the fuck up Soul, it's not the 15th century."

"Why won't you let me just say I'm sorry?" He finally barked, his patience wearing.

"Because that wouldn't be enough!" Maka cried, her voice raising the loudest she had ever spoken to him. Soul blinked but she didn't stop. "You hurt me, and that's exactly what you wanted. You said another girl was in your room – our room. Now, either that's true and you lied when you said I was the first, or you –"

She cut off. Soul's eyes blazed as he looked at her, but she couldn't place the emotion anymore.

"You don't get to say sorry," she growled. "You don't get that relief. You can go home knowing that you ruined this. You hurt me the worst way you could. Just like you wanted."

She didn't give him a chance to respond as she pushed him out the door.

"We're done. Now get out. And please, just - " She slammed the door shut as rested her head on the wood. "Leave me alone."

Her chest was so tight it hurt. The feelings she had for Soul were scarily big – Far bigger than she had ever admitted to anyone, or herself. As she agonised over that, the pain in her chest became too much. Suddenly she realised that the pain wasn't her emotions, this was real. It was like she couldn't breathe. But suddenly, her side rivalled the pain. Maka felt her form curl up, she bent over and was somewhat aware of someone knocking on the door.

Abruptly, it felt like something had literally popped excruciatingly in her stomach. Maka suddenly felt a scalding heat rush all over her body and Maka heard herself yelp before she dropped to the floor.

She didn't pass out right away, but she knew it was only a matter of time. She thought back to when she tried to kill herself – Maka felt so sure and happy. Content. This was different. It certainly felt like she was dying but she didn't feel happy. She was frightened and it hurt.

Maka could hear footsteps come and go on the floor, it was then she realised her cheek was pressed against it. She heard the panicked voice of Tsubaki and then Blackstar. She would have sighed with relief when she heard Stein, but she couldn't find any breath in her lungs to do it.

Maka felt firm hands pulling her up. She clung desperately to the sound of Soul's voice before she fell unconscious. All she knew it when did was that she was ninety percent sure she was going to die, and she wasn't happy about it. No, she was very, very

Scared.