Chapter Eighteen

Truth

Kenshin's POV

Kenshin shut the door to the hut quietly behind him. Taking a deep breath icy cold air pierced his lungs, and awoke his senses. It seemed as though a cold front had moved down from the mountains carrying the solemn promise of a late spring snow. Kenshin had been stationed in Kyoto for over three years and knew, from experience, that a snow storm in the late spring would not be out of character for this area, but could be grievous. He had witnessed such an occurrence a few times. This meant that he and Kaoru should be preparing for the worst. A snowstorm in Kyoto could mean being trapped indoors for at least a few days. They would need provisions in order to survive. Food, water, and firewood. There was a well behind the hut that Kenshin could fish enough water out of to last for a few days, and he was sure that he had seen an axe laying around the property, he could easily chop a few days' worth of firewood. It would be the food that would prove to be the most difficult to obtain. Without money, it would be very hard to find enough food to last them through a snow storm. Kenshin scanned the tree line of the forest, considering the idea of hunting. Then his eyes fell to the disfigured corpse laying at the edge of the forest. A morbid thought passed through Kenshin's mind… could that solider have been carrying money? He wouldn't need it anymore. Kenshin reasoned grimly. It would be a shame to waste it. Before he realized what he was doing, Kenshin started to move toward the dead man, the primal need of preservation urging him forward.

Kneeling down beside the stiffened corpse the samurai studied his flat, dead eyes and pale discolored skin. The cold conditions seemed to be aiding in preserving his body—something that would prove troublesome for Kenshin. He would have to dispose of the body somehow unless he wanted to risk discovery. An eerie feeling lingered in the pit of his stomach as he placed his palms against the corpse side and gave a heave. To Kenshin's relief the body turned over easily. Extending his hand forward towards the man's hakama pocket Kenshin paused as the taboo of tampering with corpses came to mind. He felt as though he was committing grave robbery, even if this body had yet to be buried. When he was younger he had been warned to never disturb the dead unless you wished to be haunted by a wrathful spirit. Nothing about what he was doing felt right, but he knew that the money would be necessary with the chances of a snow storm upon them. Choking down his old superstitions he continued on, slipping his hand into the man's pockets, searching for his wallet. At last—after investigating the second pocket—Kenshin happened upon a promising black, velvety pouch. Kenshin slipped this pouch into his own pocket, deciding against rummaging through its contents next to the corpse he had acquired it from.

His next order of business this morning came in the form of the disposal of the dead body. It was true that the ground had become hard, but it was far from frozen. If he worked quickly he could have a grave dug in no time. At the very least this solider deserved a semi-proper burial. Standing up, Kenshin dusted off his grey hakama and began walking toward the shed he had noticed earlier that was stationed behind the small house. After digging through the remains of the previous residence Kenshin was able to pull a shovel and small iron pot from the dilapidated shed. The pot would make for a good cooking tool over the next few days. He deposited it next to the front door, and rounded the house once more to decide on the location of the grave. After a few moments of debate Kenshin decided to start digging in a fairly open area just inside the forest's tree line.

Kaoru's POV

Kaoru found herself sitting at the foot of an old stone well, a partially rusted cold metal wash tub sitting before her, and her arms elbow deep in icy cold water. She was trying to rid her surgical instruments of the dried blood that was encrusted on them. A sense of urgency coursing through her veins Kaoru began scrubbing harder and faster than before. Her stomach lurched as the sickening feeling of déjà vu settled over her. Kaoru felt as though something terrible was about to happen if she didn't hurry and leave soon. Quickening her pace her heart began to pound loudly against her chest. Something was coming, something dangerous. All the hairs on her arms stood up and a cold chill traveled down the expanse of her spine as she registered his voice "Good evening doctor…" Shishio. Kaoru stiffened and lost her grip on the knife she had been cleaning. With a barely inaudible 'ka-plunk!' the knife sunk to the bottom of the tub of water. His body was up against her back before she had time to move. His hands ravaging her roughly, leaving behind bruises. Shishio's hot breath was once again against her ear. He whispered a bittersweet promise "I'm going to break you." Kaoru felt as though she would be sick. No. This couldn't be happening. Not again. Kaoru tried to move, to struggle, but her body refused to cooperate. She was frozen. One of his hands slipped into the neck of her kimono and hooked onto her breast, squeezing uncomfortably hard. Tears stung the corners of her eyes. How could this be happening again?

Just as Shishio had torn open the front of her kimono his attack saddened ceased. Kaoru felt a gale breeze brush against the back of her neck, and rustle the ends of her long black hair. Then something warm and thick splattered across her back. The weight of Shishio's body disappeared. Kaoru turned around to find Shishio's body sprawled across the grass, his head lying a few feet from his body. Dark crimson blood stained the ground and the steel blade of a katana that was currently being cleaned and sheathed "K-Kenshin…" Kaoru murmured those tears finally breeching the brim of her eyes and flowing freely down her face. He knelt down in front of her and pulled her to him. Wrapping her tightly within his arms, simply holding her as she cried.

Kenshin had saved her…

Kaoru awoke to a gentle, familiar caress against her cheek. Unconsciously she leaned into the feel of his rough, calloused palm, gradually her anxiety and fear that was present in the aftermath of the nightmare faded away. Tears that had escaped while she slept were being carefully wiped away. A warm smile curved the edges of her lips. It had been days since he had even gotten close enough to touch her, and for a moment she was deciding to enjoy this. Kaoru knew if she were to exhibit signs of waking up he would withdrawal.

Lately Kenshin had been stepping lightly around her, placing a safe distance between the two of them, trying to avoid the opportunity to engage in another passionate kiss as they had shared nearly a week prior. Kaoru felt the void of distance growing between them, and she desperately wanted to reach out to him, but hadn't found a good time to approach him. He had spent his days traveling to Kyoto, and looking for any leads in regard to the Choshu clan survivors, the majority of his focus placed on Katsura's whereabouts. Due to his searches, Kenshin usually left early in the morning and would return late at night long after Kaoru had retired for the night. This left little time for them to hold a meaningful conversation. Meanwhile, as he delved into his investigations in Kyoto, Kaoru had spent her days finding tasks that could occupy her time. After being accustomed to the fast pace of the clinic simply having nothing to do would drive her to madness. So, she had concocted various jobs to fill her days alone. She had gathered medicinal herbs, cleaned, and explored the small property. However, despite keeping her hands busy she was always aware of his absence, even when he had returned home. He was pulling away from her for the sake of propriety. To preserve her reputation and respect. Kaoru was aware of this, and appreciated his gentlemanly nature.

Even though she had a good idea of his honorable intentions Kaoru didn't want him to pull away from her. He hadn't frightened her that morning, and she hadn't protested his bold advances. In fact, Kaoru had made a few brazen moves of her own that morning. She hadn't regretted them then, and she certainly didn't regret the events of that morning now. Truthfully she hadn't wanted for him to abruptly stop. Perhaps now would be a good time for them to talk about it. Fluttering her eyes open she stirred slightly. Predictably he retracted his hand as Kaoru composed herself into a sitting position "Good morning." She greeted softly, not really knowing what else to say. He nodded his response and began to move to his feet. Kaoru, who slightly panicked at the thought of losing her chance to talk to him, threw out her arm and embedded her fingers into the stiff fabric of his sleeve. Kenshin's golden eyes peered down at her hand for a long while before traveling the expanse of her arm, and finally meeting with her desperate, pleading gaze. Having somehow understood her silent request, he settled back down to the floor beside her. For a few minutes, an awkward silence sat suspended between them as Kaoru gathered her thoughts. She was the first to speak "Kenshin…" She murmured so quietly that it would have taken advanced hearing such as his to even catch it "We need to talk about what happened a few days ago." Kaoru announced watching worriedly as an unreadable mask settled across his face.

He was already beginning to detach himself. Kaoru had come to learn that that mask was how he dealt with conflicting or hurtful emotions. He would conceal his feelings and not allow the true pain he felt to show through "I over stepped my boundaries that morning. I apologize, I didn't intend for it to go that far." He dropped his head, casting his eyes away from her so that she would not recognize the shame that now lingered in their golden depths "It will not happen again." Kenshin promised with a self-convicting tone. Kaoru was taken aback by his response. She didn't know what to say because she was overwhelmed with conflicting emotions that she didn't entirely understand. Empathy came first as she realized that he seemed to be punishing himself internally. Confusion came next as she couldn't determine why he would feel badly for what had occurred between them. Finally, anger began to feel her as she came to the realization that he would never again ignite the passion that had nearly consumed her that morning.

"Why?" She asked her voice faltering, her hurt clearly showing through. Angry tears pricked the corners of her eyes "I don't understand. Why would you not want to kiss me like that again? I know you love me, you have proven it again and again, so why?" She demanded disconcertingly. Her confusion mingled with her insecurities as the idea of him not wanting her came to mind. Thoughtlessly she voiced this sudden insecurity "Am I not desirable to you?" Kaoru pressed, her bottom lip quivering.

Kenshin's head snapped up at her accusation, and he pinned her with a heated gaze that caused her heart to skip a beat. The desire that lingered within that dark ember gaze was an unbridled, carnal kind of lust. Kaoru barely had time to process what was happened when in a single, fluid motion he had wrapped his fingers around her neck, his thumb forcing her chin up so that she would have to look at him. Kaoru froze underneath his touch, her heart racing within her chest. He pressed a hard kiss against her lips, kissing her roughly, carelessly. A luscious, addictive liquid fire pooled into her stomach and dampened her kimono as she returned his kiss fiercely. Kenshin's free hand outlining the contours of her back, causing her body to shudder beneath his burning touch. He suddenly pulled her flush against his body, so that she could feel his hardened erection pressing against her stomach. Feverishly his tongue begged for entrance to her mouth. Willingly Kaoru granted him that access and he wasted no time in melding his tongue with hers. Expeditiously he lowered her body to the bed roll behind her. The warmth that had gather at her center had nearly consumed her with desire and need as he broke away from the kiss, and moved down her throat to the soft, supple swell of her breast that had been exposed by her loose kimono neck. His tongue licked tantalizingly at her heated flesh, compelling Kaoru to release a loud moan, in which in turn earned her another fiery kiss.

Once he had finished this kiss with a careful nip at her swollen bottom lip, Kenshin gently swept a few stray black hairs from her flushed face "Never think that I do not desire you." He murmured huskily "I want you desperately Kaoru." A sad, tortured smile pulled at the corners of his mouth "And that is why I cannot have you, not yet." He moved away from her and settled back into a sitting position on the wooden floor beside the bed roll.

Kaoru turned on to her side and gaze up at him curiously "Why?" She asked confused by his reasoning.

Kenshin looked to her longingly "Because I fear that I would be unable to control myself." He explained, the truth leaving her a bit breathless. He cocked his head to the side and gave her a playful grin that she had never seen before "Besides, you deserve to be well satisfied Kaoru." His words went well beyond her understanding since her experience in love was next to none, but she still blushed a deep shade of red, feeling embarrassed by the way that he could casually discuss such things. Kenshin chuckled softly, amused by her embarrassment "You are very adorable Kaoru." In despite of her redden cheeks Kaoru felt a sense of relief. Kenshin seemed to have come back to her for the time being, and he was even allowing her to view a side of him that is extremely rare. A light hearted side that had been entrapped by the darkness of his world for far too long. Kaoru hoped to see more of this as time passed. She wished to see him smile and be truly happy. Perhaps one day he could be, but until then she would be satisfied with those small glimpses.

A/N: So there is another chapter, I tried to throw in a little passion for the sake of valentines day. I hope you have enjoyed reading! If you have any comments please leave them in the box below. :)