He'd been waking up in a cold sweat with a silent scream on his lips for nights on end, yet none could comfort him.
If there was a hell on earth tailored just for him, this was certainly it.
While there had been many times where he'd wanted to go back in time to punch himself, to grab himself at the collar and scream that most certainly 'Pride came before the fall,' logic and sense would always return. Accepting and understanding his present situation (as well as the how and why he got to this point) was key to overcoming it. There was always a continuous ardent hope that his foolishness would one day be corrected and he could return to being himself instead of having to re-grow into it.
However, despite himself and the various situations he'd gotten himself (and friends) into up to this point, he now had a new reason to hate himself for not being cautious enough and for taking Haibara's warnings for granted.
He had fallen into complacency without ever realizing it.
His guard was lax and Ran was no slouch. She knew him. Whether it was Shinichi or Conan, she knew how and when she could catch him off guard with the simplest of words.
He'd spilled the proverbial beans by simply talking about what was for dinner, and he could almost cry at the simplicity of her genius against his wit. He certainly deserved to be given a low blow, no doubt considering the lies that had piled up and the tears she'd cried.
But that had happened what felt like weeks ago, and while Ran hadn't treated him any different (outside of a random book or clothing purchase that certainly suited his more mature aesthetic then the norm popping up on his futon), no one was the wiser. Not even Haibara (who seemed to know these kinds of things could happen before him) suspected a thing.
But boy-oh-boy did he know, and so did his dreams.
It was his dreams that were ever so slowly tipping him closer to the edge of having a nervous breakdown. As if the time where he'd have mild panic attacks when hearing a cell-phone being dialed weren't bad enough, this sort of just skipped over and took the cake with a maniacal grin.
He needed to leave. Not permanently of course (it would probably just make it worse), but he definitely needed time to himself away from his usual group of friends and acquaintances so that he could pick up the shattered pieces of his psyche and refocus on his goals and personal objectives.
He once might have thought himself as perfectly stable, but this was quickly spiraling out of control and it was this one thing he felt that he could not lean on his 'support network' to help pull him through.
His parents were pretty much always the last option, and he figured they'd probably tease him for a bit before taking him seriously. He certainly couldn't talk about this with the Detective Boys, despite what they'd been through they were involved enough and his angst was certainly beyond them. As for Hattori, he'd probably tease him quite a bit too before realizing just how much in shambles he was, which could get back to Ran in some form and manner which he didn't need. Of his last few options, Haibara sure as hell couldn't know, and while he trusted Agasa-hakase with everything else he couldn't really go to him either about this due to the fact he lived with Haibara.
So that left him with nothing.
Shinichi was stuck. Stuck in a hole of his own making with nothing but his pillow, sheets, and Kogoro's snoring to drown out his sniffling in the middle of the night as he broke down in tears from the stress and horror of it all to comfort him. He needed an out, someone unrelated he could pour his heart to and trust so that he could finally come to his own resolution once more.
He was on the edge of a breakdown, and it was all because he decided on curry for dinner.
Please let me know what you think of Shinichi/Conan's introspection! Thank you all for your previous reviews (they gave me a new drive for writing). I will continue to consider this story as 'complete,' however if I decide to add to it I'll add onto it here due to story/author alert choices.