Erwin drank with his ghosts. The room around him did not spin, but it wavered. Anka had left an hour or so ago; the bed was still unmade, the sheets rumpled from her body. Erwin's glass was nearly empty, so he poured himself another and toasted.

"Shiganshina," he muttered, and drank. He drank to forget the pain in his body, and the blurred faces of those he'd let die as they crowded his room and glared at him.

Erwin shut his eyes. As a young man, he would have looked at the life he led now and been excited. A seasoned Commander called the hope for humanity, casual sex with lithe young women, even a lost limb and battle scars. At twenty-two, it was a life any man would dream of.

But at thirty eight, nearly thirty nine, he was starting to feel tired. His body ached for stupid reasons now. And while he enjoyed his exertions with Anka, he craved more contact. He wanted a loving embrace. A sweet voice in his ear.

Fuck, why had he thought of Petra during sex? Of himself as Levi? It made him feel vaguely obscene. His gut churned as he took another swallow of wine. He loved them both, and yet jealousy ate him alive. Petra's presence as his aide, her help and good sense and resolve had given him a taste of what a warm, considerate woman could do. Nearing forty, and Erwin was still living in a tiny room with a narrow bed. Still living alone.

And now Levi would have a child by her.

Why was Erwin feeling this? Why was he so proud and excited and miserable and furious? Why did he want her, but not as himself; as Levi. Erwin wanted annihilation. He wanted to be incorporated into something greater than himself, something already assembled.

Maybe his attraction to Petra simply came from the fact she was one of the few women he couldn't have. Not just because of his friendship with Levi, but because Petra was wholly in love with the short, grumpy man. Erwin was accustomed to starry-eyed recruits blushing as he passed. But Petra Ral had never once looked at him with desire. His looks, his height, his status held no power over her. She wanted only one man.

Erwin opened his eyes. Mike and Nanaba were standing at his table, looking down on him with disappointment.

Mike had been in the Corps one year before Erwin arrived. He'd been the silent shadow when Erwin joined, teaching him the ropes with calm and competence. Nanaba's blue eyes betrayed no hint of emotion. Their ghosts watched Erwin drink, and judged him.

They'd died so horribly…

It wasn't my fault. Neither of you died on my charge.

But they had died for his dream. All of these innocents, all had died for Erwin's selfish desires. How many had he lied to and tricked into giving up their lives for a dream? A dream that Erwin wasn't sure could even come true.

Mike and Nanaba's deaths had stunned him. There had been a core group of them, about fifteen or sixteen veterans who'd been together more than ten years. Past a certain point, you could almost consider the Corps a normal job. Your chances of dying became small.

At least half of that core group had died these past few months. Why was this happening? Who were the enemies?

I want to go to the basement.

It resonated in him like a pulse. Thinking of the basement, of what it might hold, was the only thing that could send the ghosts away. Soon Erwin was alone, nursing his wine and envisioning his father at the head of the classroom. Erwin raised his hand and—

Someone was knocking. Loudly.

"Come in."

Levi threw open the door and hurried inside. The man's face was neutral as always, mouth turned down in a frown, eyes half lidded. But Erwin could smell the fear as his captain closed the door.

"Bad time?" Levi asked, already pulling out a chair to sit down at the table. He sat utterly straight, his leg jiggling.

"No. Wine?"

"Hmm? No."

It was obvious what the problem was, but Erwin wasn't going to ask outright. He didn't know if Petra had told Levi that Erwin knew. So he sat a minute, then gently prodded.

"Is something wrong?"

"Tch." Levi drummed his fingers on the tabletop and rocked his chair onto its back legs. "No."

As Erwin anticipated, Levi had not taken the news well. Maybe it was all the alcohol, but Erwin felt surly. Levi had his legacy secured. A woman to be with him always, a child to carry on his name. He had everything a man should want, and he didn't want it. There were only four years in age between Erwin and Levi, but those four years meant a great deal. After thirty seven, you began to feel middle aged. You began to look back. You began, despite your best efforts, to regret. Past thirty seven, some doors had irrevocably closed. And if you were on the wrong side of them, it began to hurt.

"Something wrong with Petra?" It was a little dangerous, but Erwin needed to hurry this up. Otherwise he might snap.

"Fuck." Levi brought his chair fully back to the ground and cradled his head in his hands. Erwin startled when Levi sat up, smoothed his hair, folded his hands, and looked calm once more. The speed with which he covered up his emotions never failed to scare Erwin.

"Gotta tell you something."

"What is it?"

"Petra's pregnant." He drummed his fingers on the table once more, and looked at the ceiling. "Fucking pregnant. And she's having it."

"I…" Erwin had to make sure not to put on a bad performance. That would only piss Levi off further. "That's…"

"We're gonna have to squeeze a baby into that room. I don't think we can even stay there; it's too much for three." Levi now stood and paced to the window. He looked out, looking for nothing. "Probably need a house. A shitty house. Who has the money for that?" He started walking from the door back to the table, hands in his pockets, shoulders bunched up. Erwin saw anger, and terror. "I had it. I had it," he muttered.

"Had what? Levi, sit down."

"Fuck off," he said absently, a standard, non-committal Levi answer. He kept pacing. "I never think they're gonna be there tomorrow. I'm a freak. But I thought I'd have more time."

Now Erwin was seriously confused, and growing more concerned.

"Levi!" His barked order brought the captain to an instant halt. Erwin's commands were now ingrained in Levi, and he responded with animal instinct. Levi stood still, yet vibrated with nervous energy. "What are you talking about?"

"I got too comfortable with how we were," he answered. He sounded his usual gruff self, but with a raw edge of pain. "I liked our life too much. I should know by now, things never stay the same. Especially when they're good."

"I know this has to be a shock—"

"I want to get rid of it," Levi spat. His face twisted violently, giving him the appearance of a warped, malevolent creature. He pounded his fist against the wall; Erwin grew nervous at the way the rafters groaned. "I don't want it. I want it gone."

'It.' This wasn't Levi, a man who valued every life, who despite his sullenness was good with children. Something out of the darkest, most malignant part of him was speaking now.

Erwin should have comforted his friend, but he couldn't imagine Petra hearing all this. Had she?

"Is Petra all right?" he asked.

"Petra." Levi started pacing again, rubbing the back of his head incessantly. His eyes were glowing with feverish light. "You want to hear something so fucked up?"

No. "Yes."

Levi gripped the back of his chair, leaning on it. Erwin could swear he heard the wood start to splinter in Levi's grasp.

"She's gonna love it more than me." His voice was choked. His arms were shaking, his knuckles white with tension. "Mothers do. They say they won't, but they do. She'll love it more, and I'll hate it."

Being jealous of an unborn child was a level of sickness that took Erwin's breath away. Levi knew the horror of what he'd just said, because he finally broke a little. He sat down again and slumped over, head in his hands.

"I can't get out now. I'm in too deep. Way too fucking deep. I'll never leave her. I'm going to be trapped with this thing."

'Thing.'

"Maybe you should choose other words to describe the baby," Erwin said. Levi reared up, his thin eyebrows furrowed.

"Tch. Get your own shitty baby and call it whatever you want. This one's mine." He leaned his elbows on the table now, ran his fingers through his hair. He faced away from Erwin. "What if it kills her? Huh?" His movements slowed; the weight of the idea seemed to bear down on him. "Women die in childbirth all the time. If it kills her, I'll never love it. I'll give it away!"

"Levi!" Erwin reached out with his one remaining hand and shoved his captain. Levi rocked back, blinking in shock. But he re-centered himself with frightening speed. Erwin wished he could land a punch on this man right now. "Did you say any of these things to Petra? I hope to god you didn't."

"Told her she was a child for thinking she'd never get pregnant. Asked if she'd get rid of it. When she said no, I told her we were getting married and then came here."

Getting married. It shouldn't have landed like such a surprise, but it did. Levi Ackerman, Humanity's Strongest, husband and father.

Erwin wanted to laugh and also to break Levi's nose. He would do neither.

"All right." He still had to play like this was news. "Well, she's not going to Shiganshina now."

Levi snorted. "No shit."

"I'll discuss details with Petra tomorrow. She can work until she's showing, but then I'll put her on medical leave."

"You're not pissed?"

"Why would I be?"

"Because it's fucking irresponsible of both of us," Levi growled.

"It's your child, Levi. This isn't ideal—"

"Fucking understatement."

"—but if this is Petra's choice, I'll abide by it."

"When she has it, is that it?" He leaned back in his seat, regarding Erwin almost warily. "Will you make her leave the Corps?"

"I don't think she'll want to go beyond the walls when she has a newborn at home," Erwin said. "To be honest, I'll suggest she consider retiring from expeditions permanently. She can still be a member of the Corps without going beyond the walls."

Levi's nostrils flared. He worked his jaw, deep in thought.

"How do you feel about that?"

"Doesn't matter what I feel." Levi tightened a fist. "She's a damn fine soldier. One of the best assists in the Corps, maybe the best. And we're gonna lose her talents to one screaming brat."

Yet Levi sounded less angry here. Perhaps, Erwin thought, some part of him gladdened to think of Petra never venturing into titan territory again. Erwin knew that the captain feared the agony of Petra's loss. If she remained always safe, Levi might turn his attentions more fully to the future. To the world outside these walls. To that basement in Shiganshina.

"I'll talk to Petra, at least. We'll see how she feels in these coming months." Erwin didn't add 'if we make it back alive.' The Shiganshina mission loomed nearer every day. Their greatest victory, or most awful defeat. It could be only one or the other.

"I can't be a father," Levi grunted. "I don't know how."

"No one does until it happens," Erwin reasoned. He watched Levi sit there, stewing in pain.

"When I asked her if she'd get rid of it, she looked at me like I was some kind of monster." Levi swallowed, rubbed his forehead. "I'm fucked up. I don't understand decent people."

"You do. Levi, your life has been…different…than Petra's. She has to understand that. She won't hold this against you. It was likely the shock of the moment."

Erwin had to talk his captain down, calm him, send him home to Petra so that he could be the man she needed.

I'm pregnant. If she'd come in to this room, sat on Erwin's knee, kissed him, whispered those words in his ear… Just the thought of it set fire to his blood. He pictured Levi falling asleep in her arms, watching his baby swell inside of her as she looked at him with loving eyes. He pictured Levi curling his lip at it. Contemptuous.

Erwin could not remember the last time he had been angry with Levi. He doubted he'd ever been as angry as he was now.

You have everything. You ungrateful…

But he could not give in to passion. That was not his role. Levi, for all his stoic surliness, lived life without being anything less than what he was. Erwin had to cloak every intention, every desire. Even Hange and Levi, his two closest friends in this world, did not really know him. They didn't know his secret wants. They didn't understand the depths of his despair. They saw him as the man with the plan, the visionary, the leader on whom all humanity's hopes were pinned.

If they knew me, they would despise me.

Erwin was alone in this world. That world these days was a gray void, a vacuum without scent or sight or taste. It would never get better.

Petra stood out in the gloom, golden and young and alive. She had such a capacity for love, which was all that Erwin wanted. And all that was denied him.

His temples throbbed. He wondered if there was a subtle way to tell Levi to get out.

The captain looked to the window. The bags under his eyes seemed more pronounced than ever.

"I just don't want to go through it again," he croaked.

Erwin frowned.

"Again?"

Petra was glad Eren had taken her to Mikasa's room. She couldn't have sat in her chamber another minute, the place where she and Levi had been so happy right up until they weren't.

We're getting married. He'd said it like it was a prison sentence. Petra rubbed her temples, wishing she could tell him she'd get rid of it. She hated this kind of conflict between them, feared that it would only get worse. But she couldn't do it. Not ever. She'd never feel right again.

"I can't believe the captain's being like this."

Eren paced back and forth across the room, his brow furrowed, fuming away. Petra and Mikasa were sitting on the lower bunk bed. It was a room that slept three, this bunk and a single bed against the far wall. Petra remembered the women's dorms when she'd first joined, before she had her own room as member of an elite squad. Unlike the Garrison and Military Police, Survey Corps barracks often had plenty of spare beds. Lots of soldiers never came back from missions, after all.

"Levi's just shocked," Petra said, unsure if she meant it. She should never have told Eren about this. If he'd knocked at any other moment she would have stayed silent, but she'd been at her most raw and vulnerable.

"That shorty's difficult," Mikasa muttered. While Eren got heated up and talked it out, Mikasa sat by Petra's side completely silent. Petra frowned.

"He… Well, he can be. But this was so unexpected."

Mikasa just gazed calmly at her. Petra knew that the girl and Levi were family, long lost relatives. She'd hoped they would spend more time together, that Mikasa would have dinner with them and that Levi would teach her special tricks for combat—they were so similar in their abilities. Something about the Ackerman bloodline.

But Mikasa seemed to resent Levi, and Levi made no move to bridge the gap between them. Honestly, they were so alike. So sullen and tight-lipped.

"I'm going to talk to him," Eren said. He put his shoulders back, set his jaw, and stared at the door like he was ready to bust it down and stride out into the hallway.

"I'll come." Mikasa stood at once. She might be only too happy to antagonize Levi.

"No! Both of you, stop. He'll calm down and we'll discuss everything then. Like adults."

"Yeah, yeah," Eren grumbled. He sat down heavily on the bed opposite theirs and glared at the ground. The boy was like an exposed nerve. Anything he felt, he felt with the most incredible intensity. "Every time a baby's born into this world, it's another human against the titans," he growled. "That's important."

Yes. Every human life was an achievement behind these walls.

"The captain's just selfish," Mikasa muttered.

"That isn't true," Petra said automatically. She knew the girl didn't like Levi, but she had to stop this fuming. "He's…scared."

Maybe that's why Levi was acting so strangely; because he'd been terrified. She'd never seen that side of him before. But he didn't have to be afraid of her or their baby. Anything Petra could do to soothe him, she would. But she wouldn't let him storm around and put his fear onto her.

"Captain Levi? Scared?" Eren said it in shock.

"I think when you've already lost so much, having a baby can be scary," Petra murmured. She shut her eyes. That sounded about right. "I wish I could talk to him."

"I'll get him and bring him back." Eren sprang to his feet at once, then yanked open the door and galloped into the hall without another word. Oh, that headstrong boy. Mikasa got up at once and started to follow, but skidded to a halt when Eren called, "Wait with her, Mikasa."

The tall, black-haired girl came back and sat beside Petra again. They were quiet a minute, so quiet that when Petra's stomach gurgled, they both flinched.

"Sorry. I was too nervous to eat today."

"Don't worry. Sasha will have something for you when she gets in."

Petra frowned. "How do you know that?"

"You'll see." Mikasa faced Petra. The kid's dark gray eyes had the same removed, questing gaze as Levi's. "You're really going to have the baby?"

"Yes." Petra touched her stomach and tried to smile. "It'll be your little cousin."

To her surprise, Mikasa beamed. The icy stoicism melted into sweet warmth.

"That's so exciting."

Petra held back a sob, her lip trembling. "Thank you," she whispered, tears welling. She blinked them away. "I didn't realize how much I needed someone to say that."

She turned her face away to compose herself, and nearly jumped when she felt a reassuring hand on her back. Mikasa gave it a gentle rub, then pulled away again. She wasn't a demonstrative girl, so that gesture meant a lot.

"The captain's very lucky."

Petra smiled at the girl. "Yes. He is."

They were interrupted when the door blasted open and another girl exploded into the room. She was tall, almost gangly, with a thick ponytail of reddish-brown hair and enormous brown eyes. She was also carrying three or so rolls clutched against her chest, and her cheeks bulged as she chewed. She turned and kicked at the way she'd come, swallowed her food loudly, and yelled.

"Get away, Connie!"

A tiny boy, shorter even than Levi, stormed in after her and tried to grab what she was holding. The girl—Sasha, Petra knew her—threw her pilfered rolls onto the bed and then started struggling against the boy.

"We were supposed to split 'em!" Connie barked. Sasha put a hand on his shaved head and held him out at arm's length as he tried to come at her, his arms pinwheeling hilariously. That made the boy huff until he tried sweeping her legs. Sasha hopped backwards, howling as she lost her balance and fell onto the floor with an oof. Without a word, Connie nabbed two of the rolls and headed for the exit. "Bye, Mikasa," he said conversationally, and closed the door behind him. Sasha got to her feet, her teeth clenched.

"I'll get him back. I'll—"

"Sasha," Mikasa said. The gangly girl froze and gaped at the two sitting on the bed. She must not have even noticed them in all the madness. Unbelievable. "Give Petra the bread. She hasn't eaten today."

"Huh?" The girl appeared so sadly pitiful at the command that Petra almost told her not to bother. "But Connie said we were supposed to split 'em, then made off with two!"

"She has a point," Petra said. "If there's three, they should've each gotten one and a half."

"Er, well, I may've already eaten one of the rolls." Sasha grinned bashfully and rubbed the back of her head. "We got four."

"Oh. Then Connie's exactly right."

"Give Petra the bread, please." Mikasa looked calm, but serious.

"Oh, Sasha doesn't have to—"

"She stole food from the dining hall and she already ate. Trust me," Mikasa said. Sasha groaned, but handed over the bread. Petra thanked her, and could have cried in relief when she took a bite. She'd been starving. Sasha watched her eat like a sad-eyed orphan begging on the streets for a crust. "Don't," Mikasa said, seeing Sasha's abject misery. Then she turned to Petra. "You have to be careful about feeding Sasha. She'll always be looking for more."

"You're talking like I'm a dog, Mikasa!" Sasha was indignant as she clambered up to the top bunk. Petra heard the springs creak overhead, then watched Sasha's boots rain down to earth. They just lay there, an abandoned pair. Levi would have a fit if he saw.

Levi. Petra hoped Eren found him soon. Finished eating, she sighed and dusted her lap for crumbs.

"Thanks. I should head back."

"Why don't you stay here tonight?" Mikasa seemed perfectly serious. "We have a free bed."

"Yeah." Sasha hung her head over the top bunk, her ponytail flopping as she gazed at them upside down. "We lost Cara on the last expedition. Heh. I started calling it 'the cursed bed', since anyone who sleeps in it ends up dying the next time they go out. Like, it's really gross. Anyone who sleeps there gets mashed into titan—"

"Sasha." Mikasa sounded weary. This must happen a lot. Sasha realized her mistake and gulped loudly.

"Oh. Uh, but since it's not your room, I think you'll be fine for one night." She pulled herself back up to her bunk.

"I should…be home when Levi gets back." But she didn't want to go, now the bed was offered. Just the thought of going into that room where she had Levi had had that fight…Petra couldn't stomach it right now.

"Eren can bring him here. He said he would." Mikasa regarded her coolly. "Do you want to go back?"

No. Not at all. Petra smiled weakly.

"Well, if you're sure it'd be no trouble."

"Of course." Mikasa sounded almost shy. "My little cousin needs some rest."

Petra beamed at her.

"I don't think you should call the captain your little cousin. He might take it personally," Sasha offered from the top bunk.

He heard Isabel whimpering in her sleep, and shook her gently awake on the couch. "Oi. Brat. You gotta shut up if you're gonna stay here."

The girl rubbed her eyes and screwed up her face. Lamplight from outside wavered in a square on her stomach. She'd been here the last few nights, since Levi'd found her in a pile of trash. He'd cleaned and fed her, and she was looking better. She was still sleeping on their couch, and he and Furlan needed to decide what to do before she got too comfortable.

"Wasn't cryin'," she muttered, though the shine on her cheeks suggested otherwise. She clumsily wiped her face.

"Bad dreams."

"Naw. I'm fine." She rolled onto her side and buried her face in the sofa cushion. Levi guessed it was two in the morning or so. Hard to tell underground. Furlan was snoring away in his own room. Levi shook Isabel by the shoulder again, hard. She yowled and pulled away. "Piss off!"

"Nice way to talk to the guy that saved your life. Brat." He sat there staring at the back of her head. "It's okay to have bad dreams. We all do down here." Silence. "Dreaming of your mom?"

She sniffed. "Don't remember her. Or my pop."

Maybe that was where the nightmares came from. Chasing faceless phantoms through darkened streets, trying to catch them but grabbing only air. Levi knew those dreams only too well.

"Brothers or sisters?"

"Nope." Sniff. He sat there, trying to think.

"Look, I sleep shitty at the best of times. I don't want to go back to bed if you're gonna be out here crying. It'll keep me up."

She wiggled and sat up. Her red hair was tangled around her face. She pouted at him, and frowned. "You don't hafta worry about me."

"I ain't. Looking out for myself." Probably. Isabel slumped back against the pillow and folded her arms.

"I just…hate the dark," she muttered. She looked at him hard. "Levi. You ever sing?"

"Fuck no. Why?"

She shrugged, almost shy. "Singin' always puts me to sleep."

He was not gonna sing this brat a fucking lullaby. That was baby shit. But…

Eh, fuck it. He narrowed his eyes.

"You tell Furlan, I'll put you back on the street."

"Okay!" She finally beamed. Levi knew very few songs, and his voice was adequate at best. There were a couple of baby songs he remembered his mother singing, but also songs they always sang at the bars Kenny had frequented. Most of those songs were way too profane for a twelve year old, but Levi remembered one. An old military ballad, actually; fuck knew where the scum of the underworld had learned it. He cleared his throat. "Chairs so close, a room so small. You and I talk all the night long."

Isabel snuggled under the blanket as he continued, watching his face with bright eyes.

"Meager this space that serves us so well. We comrades have stories to tell. And it's always like that in the evening time. We drink and we sing when our fighting is done."

Her eyes fluttered shut.

"And it's always so, we live under the burnt clouds. Ease our burden, long is the night."

Isabel's breathing was slow and heavy. Gently, Levi eased up from the couch and looked down on her. Little shithead. He smirked.

"Night, Levi," she sighed. Eh. She was kinda cute when she was like this.

Very gently, Levi ruffled her hair. She grinned and hugged her pillow.

Her severed head gazed up blankly at him, her wide green eyes as dull as glass. She seemed to ask why, why he hadn't been there, why he hadn't come, why why…

"Isabel," Levi grunted. His head throbbed. He rarely brought up Isabel and Furlan with Erwin. It summoned too many bad memories. "She was just a kid who trusted me. And I left her alone."

"Levi."

He couldn't bear to see the expression on Erwin's face. He was a fucking coward.

"Any guy with half a fatherly instinct would never have left her outside the walls. I practically raised her, and then I just rode off…"

He stopped talking. Didn't trust himself not to start crying like a bitch.

"You didn't kill her. The titans did."

"Yeah, well she wouldn't have died if I was with her. You know it's true."

Erwin said nothing, because he did know. Levi rubbed his eyes, made sure there were no tears.

"I let 'em all down in the end. Isabel and Furlan. My squad. The baby'd be no different."

"The baby wouldn't be riding out with the Survey Corps," Erwin said.

"She's gonna see how shit I am with babies, and she's gonna start to get sick of me." All he could think of was Petra, pleasing her. Seeing her smile gave him another reason to get up in the morning. When Kenny was dying, he'd said something about 'they were all slaves to something.' Suggested Levi was a slave to his status as hero. And he was. His life's purpose was to serve Erwin and save humanity. He'd never give it up.

And he was a slave to her. He was a slave to her love, addicted to it. This baby would suck up her time and attention, it'd take her energy and laughter. He'd resent it, and she'd resent him for it. And then one day he'd do something dumb and the kid would be dead and she'd leave him, and then he'd keep riding out to save humanity while wanting to die at the same time and—

"You're catastrophizing," Erwin said.

"I'm cat whating?"

"It means you're tricking yourself into thinking that the worst is going to happen. Believe me. I understand it," Erwin said wryly.

"Tch. Petra. She's all I ever really wanted for myself." He looked at his clasped hands on the table, his black hair hanging in his eyes. "I don't mind giving everything I have to the fight. I just need her. I need to be happy with her."

"The baby could deepen your love."

"It could wreck it."

"But maybe not." A beat. Erwin's voice gentled a bit. "Levi. Petra is planning to have this baby. You are planning to stay with her. If you want to be happy and a father, you'll have to talk to her. Calmly. And don't frighten her with talk about her impending death."

"Fuck, Erwin, I'm not a maniac." Probably. Maybe not. "You're a real sensitive bitch, aren't you?" He side-eyed Erwin, who chuckled.

"No one has ever accused me of that before. It's refreshing." He grew sober. "Petra will need you to find a way. She deserves to be happy."

Levi frowned at the odd note he heard in Erwin's voice. Wasn't accusing, wasn't sad, wasn't fond, it was…a mix? He was about to speak when the door burst open, and he leapt to his feet.

Eren stood in the doorway, his chest puffed out like the avenging hero of some stupid play. Fuck. One guess as to why he was here.

"Eren?" Erwin said.

"What do you want?" Levi narrowed his eyes.

"Captain." The kid planted his feet, fire in his green eyes. He pointed an accusing finger. "I want you to know…"

"Yeah? What?"

The seconds ticked by. Eren's righteous anger began to clash with the dawning realization that Levi Ackerman could turn him into a ball and kick him down the stairs if he made a wrong move.

"I want you to know that…that…" He put his finger down, but kept the indignant look on his face. "That Petra's in Mikasa's room. She's upset."

Levi sighed deeply and closed his eyes.

"You know why she's upset?"

"Uh. Yeah." Eren bunched his fists. "And a baby is proof that the titans don't own us yet! You ought to be proud. And happy." Eren wilted again when Levi scowled, but he stayed upright. "After all, if you love each other this should be exciting."

"Tch. I'll take a lecture from you on parenthood the day you get hair on your balls."

Eren wavered, as if ready to tell Levi he did have hair on his balls, which Levi didn't want to know.

"Okay. But Petra's in Mikasa's room, so you should—"

"I'll go get her. Now get the fuck out of here."

His message delivered, his courage proved, Eren triumphantly turned and hurried back down the stairs.

"You showed restraint," Erwin said, surprised.

"Oh, I'm kicking his punk ass tomorrow in training."

Erwin chuckled, and Levi felt a little better. If he made Erwin and Petra happy, his life was good.

"You should go to her."

"Yeah. I guess." Levi went to the door, and looked back. Erwin was still nursing a glass of wine, that empty right sleeve of his dangling at its strange angle. Every time he saw Erwin sitting up in the night thinking, he felt a little better. Safer. "Sorry for being a bugfuck crazy asshole."

"You're going to be a father. It's understandable. Levi?"

He had his hand on the doorknob. "Yeah?"

"She was lucky to have you. The baby will be, too."

Isabel.

His hand trembled, then he turned the knob and left.

Levi walked the long corridors to Mikasa's room, picking over all the things he was feeling. Most of it was panic, and some was misery, and he was also just fucking pissed because if she'd taken her damn tea the day they fucked they wouldn't be in this stupid position. His boots scuffed on the stone floor as he turned a right corner and entered the women's dormitories. Levi had almost never been down here before. Lots of other guys'd poke around to see if they could catch a brief glimpse of tits or ass, but that kind of pervy horseplay had never appealed to him.

"What are you doing here?" Mikasa asked. He stopped. She was coming down the corridor from the opposite direction, dressed in her nightclothes and robe. She frowned a little as she glared at him, hands in her pockets. He and this girl would never get along, it seemed. Too similar. They held grudges for fucking ever. Didn't matter how many times they told Mikasa that Levi had beat the shit out of Eren in that courtroom to save the boy's life; she didn't forgive.

"I'm here to get Petra."

"She's sleeping here tonight."

"Tch. Fine. I'll wake her up."

"She doesn't want to stay with you."

He tried not to flinch in front of the kid. She'd enjoy it way too much.

"She say that?"

"Yes. Did Eren talk to you?" Fire in those dark gray eyes. "Did you do anything to him?"

"Relax. He traipsed back to his room. Guess all you brats know what's going on now."

She nodded. If she had anything more to say, she kept it to herself.

"Let me at least look in on her."

Mikasa wavered, but nodded. "Fine."

She opened the door and slipped into the darkened room. Levi could hear a loud, grumbling snore from the top bunk. Sasha's hand dangled over the edge of her bed. That crazy backwoods brat. Her shoes and clothing were flung all over the floor. He was gonna discipline her ass…

And Petra lay asleep in a bed across the room. The light from the hallway stretched over her slumbering form.

Her left hand was draped across her stomach, her right tucked under the pillow. She breathed quietly, her chest rising and falling. Her fair eyelashes cuddled against her cheeks. She looked perfect. A marble angel.

Her hand protected her stomach unconsciously. Her baby. Their baby.

She was already thinking like a mother. Levi turned his eyes away.

"Thanks," he grunted, then stalked away as Mikasa shut the door.

Levi knew there'd be no sleep tonight, so he wandered around the barracks, circling the stables a few times just to give himself something to do. Eventually he ducked into the stables and walked through the warm, musty darkness until he came to his own horse's stall. She was sleeping, but gave a soft blustering sound as she heard his approach. She always knew when he needed her, and laid her muzzle against his palm. He felt the heat of her breath, and stroked her velvet snout. He could see the flash of her eye as it shone from the moonlight.

"Good girl," he whispered. Levi lowered his head, and felt her sniff at his hair. She lipped his head, which always made him smile.

He even got too attached to his damn horse. If anything ever happened to her, Levi'd go insane. He wouldn't want another. He was stubborn with his feelings.

It was a bad world to love in.

He gave the horse a handful of oats before he left.

Levi wandered the halls until he found his way to the kitchen. This time of night, it was ghostly, the pots and pans put away, the cutting table and counters wiped down. There were still a few wooden crates of potatoes near the pantry door; they hadn't used all the new shipment today. Levi toed at one of the very empty crates, only six or seven spuds left in it.

I'm going to be a father.

Levi had always liked kids. For being the way he was, he was good with them. He knew that if this were a normal world and he a normal person, he would've liked a family. But he'd long ago understood that fatherhood wasn't for him. Some people didn't get to fulfill every wish.

To have a child in this world and with his job was irresponsible. But he'd fallen in love, and he'd had sex, and that'd produced this baby. He should've talked to Petra about the finer points of their agreement before this. If he'd known she was so vehemently against getting rid of it he would've been way more fucking careful. Or maybe he hadn't brought it up because in his gut he'd known she would be shocked, and he didn't want her to see him as a monster. He hadn't grown up like her. Women like his mother, women who were poor and abused but still believed in having and loving their children, they were angels and angels were rare underground. Most women in Kuchel's position would've gotten rid of Levi. In his darkest moments, he'd wished that she had.

When Petra had told him she was expecting, he'd seen the thing inside of her as a parasite. A tumor. Something that wanted to destroy his happiness. He'd hated it.

But now he imagined some little thing with Petra's hair and eyes blinking up at him. It'd be fucking cute, wouldn't it? Like its mother. Petra had told him months ago that she'd let go of the dream to have children, but it'd been a dream. She wanted them. Now she was going to have one…and he'd told her to kill it.

Why did she keep on loving him?

Fuck, Levi was scared. He'd never known fear like this, not even underground or when he first saw a titan. Not even when Petra was in danger, because now he was facing the true unknown. He'd defeated every form of danger that existed. But this was a baby.

His baby.

Levi took the six or seven potatoes out of the wooden crate, then picked it up and dragged it away.

It was barely dawn when Petra got up. She listened to the two girls sleeping soundly as she neatened the bed and slipped out of the room, closing the door softly behind her. She walked down the hall to her own room, hand on her stomach. Petra sighed in relief; no nausea this morning. One week ago she'd started getting sick, and on the third straight day had realized it might not be food poisoning.

Would Levi be in? Probably not. More likely he was out wandering the streets.

She hadn't handled this right. Neither had he, but she'd started screaming and crying when they both most needed her to be calm.

We can talk later. I'm sure he'll come around.

She hoped.

Petra opened the door and found Levi sitting at the table, staring at the floor. She jumped a little to see him.

"Oh!"

"Petra." He stood up. He hadn't taken off his cravat or jacket. He'd been perched here in stony silence like a trap ready to spring. She shut the door.

"Hi." She frowned, noticing something against the wall. "Um. What's that?"

It looked like…a crate? A potato crate? What?

"Yeah." Levi cleared his throat. "Figured that was about the size of a baby. Not that we're gonna put the baby in that. Just thought it'd be a good measurement for a cradle." He sniffed, didn't look at her. "I don't know what else we're gonna need. Blankets, diapers—tch, the shit's gonna be tough to deal with, but we'll make it through. Maybe we can force the brats to change it. Change the baby. I don't know what else we need."

Petra walked over and hugged him. She pressed close to him, wrapped her arms around his neck. Despite his neutral expression, she could feel his heart pattering like a trapped bird. Slowly, he put his arms around her as well.

Petra swallowed the tears down, then spoke softly.

"Thank you."

"Tch. S'fine."

"I'm sorry I messed everything up." Tears spilled down her cheeks. She had to stop crying, but she couldn't.

"You didn't mess anything up. You made a mistake. I fucked things up last night." He kissed her cheek, made a noise when he tasted her tears. "All that crying can't be good for the kid."

She pulled back enough to look at his face. Levi appeared tired, and wasn't smiling. But the anger was gone.

"I know this isn't what you wanted."

His mouth twitched. He couldn't lie. "No. But it's happening, so there's no use pissing and moaning about it."

Practical as always. Petra smiled, and kissed him. His kiss was tender as he stroked the back of her hair. She brushed her nose against his, the old affectionate gesture he liked. Levi rumbled a bit in his chest, contented.

"I don't want to lose this," he whispered.

"You never will. No one's taking it from us. Not even our baby." She kissed him once more, and felt him relax a little further. They molded into each other's arms and stood there, holding tight. Everything in the future—getting married, having the baby, the new life ahead—could wait. Right now, she needed him like this. And he needed her.

Petra glanced down at the potato crate.

"We do need a real cradle, though. The baby's going to be bigger than a potato."

"Thank fuck." Levi kissed her cheek. "That brat Sasha'd probably eat it otherwise."