Her breathing quickened, and she whimpered with pleasure as he picked up the pace. Levi's lips traced hers as he rode her; he kissed her every time she moaned, as if capturing the sound of pleasure, ingesting it. He hummed in reply, rolling his hips in a way that made her see stars. Beneath them, the bed sighed. Petra's eyes fluttered open, and she looked at his face so near hers. His eyes were closed, his brow furrowed in concentration. Morning sunlight streamed in through the window.

It was a good way to wake up. This was five days since she'd told him about the baby. For those five days, he'd been considerate of her and loving, but his…appetite…wasn't there. Petra had been crestfallen, thinking he wouldn't want to while she was pregnant. But she'd woken up on this, their day off, with his arm wrapped around her waist and his cock twitching against her ass.

"You awake?" he'd breathed in her ear. And yes, she had been. Very awake.

"Levi," she whispered, her lips tracing his. He kissed her again, moving perfectly inside of her. Petra's eyes rolled back as her end hastened. When they'd first come together six months back, he'd been a virgin. At first, she'd loved his clumsiness and the way he learned what she taught. But Levi Ackerman was a master of all things physical and he liked sex a great deal, which meant they'd had a lot of practice. By now, Petra was fairly certain he was a sexual god, and was relieved that he wanted no one but her. If any other person knew how devastating he'd become…

Petra cried out as she came, and he fit his mouth around hers, swallowing her screams of ecstasy. Petra throbbed beneath him as he went faster, his breathing becoming harsh.

"Good girl. So sweet," he whispered, giving Petra a little shiver of delight. He gasped, then groaned as he finished. They lay there a minute, their heartbeats calming. Petra giggled as she hugged him and nuzzled his cheek.

"That was relaxing."

"Mmm. One nice thing about you being knocked up. I can shoot my load without worrying about it." He kissed her lips and rolled off. They lay side by side, her leg draped over his as she held his right hand to her chest. Petra loved the little moments of touch and satisfaction after sex almost as much as she loved the act itself.

What she did not love, though, was the sudden flutter of her stomach and then the—

Petra rolled out of bed so fast she took the top sheet with her. Levi cried out in shock as she raced to get the wash basin, and barely made it in time before vomiting. She felt feverish as she knelt on the stone floor, shaking until she brought up another round. God, when would the first trimester be over?

She heard Levi behind her. Petra winced, knowing how he hated mess, but all he did was gently pull her hair out of her face.

"Thank you," she whispered before spewing once more. After the third time, Petra was pretty sure she was empty. She spat twice into the basin, then sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Tch. You're growing a person. There's gonna be some mess." He kissed the top of her head, then took the basin from her. "I'm cleaning this out. Brush your teeth while I'm gone." She heard him leave. Hopefully he'd at least had time to put pants on before going outside. He probably had. Hopefully.

Petra found the tooth powder and started brushing. Her stomach gurgled once, but she was in no danger of a reprisal. She placed a hand over her stomach, imagining the growing baby. You'd better be cute.

When Levi brought back the now immaculately clean basin, she spit and rinsed. Then he helped her off the floor, making sure to steady her.

"You okay?" His blue gray eyes missed nothing. He didn't appear disgusted or frightened or amused. He was just his usual stoic, impossible to read self.

"Yes." She shook her head. "I think in five weeks this should be over. We just need to make it through."

"I can handle it. I'm a big boy." He kissed her forehead. Petra grinned and went in for a kiss, but he jerked backward. "Uh. Brush your teeth one more time first."

She laughed and did as he asked. After that, he happily accepted her kisses. She petted his cheek.

"You're the most wonderful man," she said seriously.

"Tch. Well, let me know if you still think that after today," he grumbled, and lightly whacked her ass. She made a face of mock outrage, and returned the favor, which finally made him grin. "Get dressed, brat."

Petra put on her lightest summer blouse and skirt. This was their last full day off before Shiganshina, and they'd wanted to spend it looking for at least a few necessities for the baby. Levi hadn't spoken of wedding plans since that first night, but Petra wasn't worried. Levi was not the type to wiggle out of responsibilities. Right now, a cradle was more important than a ceremony. More practical.

Levi put on a light blue shirt she'd found at the market on sale. She was trying to nudge him towards colors that weren't gray and black. He laced up his boots and held the door for her. Together, looking like the most casual civilians, they left the barracks and went to the market.

They passed the little stalls, heading for the high street and the proper shops. Levi kept dodging glances left and right as they walked. He seemed more neurotic than usual. Petra and Levi usually didn't hold hands or kiss in public, but now that they were more anonymous she dared to slip her arm through his.

"Maybe I shouldn't go in with you," he said.

"Why not?"

"If they recognize me and see us buying a cradle…" He left the rest to her imagination.

"Don't worry. As far as anyone knows, I'm shopping for my sister today." Petra smiled. "Brigitta got married a couple of months ago, so it's at least possible. Papa wrote that she and her husband were moving to Trost." It'd be good to have her sister nearby. At least it wasn't her brother; Willem often pushed his nose into her business. He was like their mother that way.

"Okay. But maybe I should still wait outside to be safe."

Petra worried her lip. "Do you just not want to do this?"

"Sure I do."

"It's our last day together before…" She hugged his arm. "I don't want to spend it doing something you don't like. I can find a cradle any day."

It wasn't just about the cradle; his reluctance probably came from accepting the baby out of necessity, not desire. Petra knew that it was too much to ask for him to be excited, but it still made her sad.

"Tch. Okay. I'll look at things with you."

"I really don't want you to make yourself."

"I want to see you happy," he said, almost annoyed. Only Levi could be irritated while genuinely wanting to please her. Petra smiled. "Like that." He sniffed. "And maybe on the way back, we can check in with the Reeves Company. See if they've got any tea they want to part with to honor their bigass hero."

"You're so greedy." She giggled. "Okay. It's a deal."

"Good."

They found a furniture store, Gunderson's. A bell tinkled over the shop door as Petra and Levi entered. Petra looked over a line of wooden benches and tables. Everything was of high quality, mahogany wood, and the place smelled of lemon and beeswax. Levi appreciated cleanliness. This was one of the better shops in Trost.

"Hope no one recognizes us," Levi muttered.

"We're out of uniform. We'll be fine," Petra said.

A man came out of the back, saw them, and gasped.

"Captain Levi! Humanity's Strongest in my store!" He rubbed his hands and patted back his hair, probably imagining the publicity he could create.

"Shit," Levi whispered. Petra was glad she hadn't entered holding his hand.

"Stay back a bit," she murmured, then approached the man. "I'm the one shopping, actually. For my sister. Do you have any cradles?"

"Oh." The man's eyes widened, had a peculiar shine to them. "Is there a little bundle of joy on the way?"

"No, the cradle's for taking a shit in," Levi said, charming as always. Petra shut her eyes. "Yeah, of course it's a baby."

"I see." The man looked from Petra to Levi and back again. "Shopping together?"

"No," Petra said.

"Yes," Levi said.

"Oh?"

"I mean, I'm shopping for my sister, like I said. The captain and I are running all sorts of errands today. He's being nice enough to tag along."

"I see." The shopkeeper smiled at Levi. "And you're friends with the young lady?"

"No," Petra said.

"Yes," Levi said.

Fuck.

"Oh?"

"He means—" Petra said.

"Sorry, I thought you meant her." Levi pointed at Petra. "We're friends. Just friends."

"I see."

"She's my subordinate. We're friendly."

"Oh yes."

"Can I see the cradles please?" Petra said, feeling her eyelid twitch. When the man turned his back, Petra faced Levi. "Maybe I should talk from now on," she whispered.

"I shouldn't have come in here." He shook his head. "Too fuckin' late now."

Yes. It was. Petra followed the man, Levi keeping a good distance behind. The tension in Petra's shoulders eased considerably when the shopkeeper motioned her to the far corner of the store. Petra gasped at the frankly adorable selection. One cradle was carved to look like a large bundle of flowers. Another had intricate images of the three goddesses. Yet another had little fluffy sheep, and was painted white.

"Oh, they're so sweet." She forgot herself completely and knelt, rocking one of them side to side.

"The flowers especially are popular. It's sturdy, so you can use it with each successive child, and it's a wonderful keepsake."

"There's only gonna be one," Levi said bluntly. Petra froze. "Uh. I mean there's only gonna be one cradle. That her sister will want."

"Of course." The man continued down the row of cradles while Petra looked up at an increasingly red-faced Levi.

What's wrong? she mouthed.

I don't know! he mouthed back. His skin was blotchy.

Sighing, Petra touched the carved flowers. Wistful, she passed it by. Levi was right; they were only going to have one if they could help it. Petra touched her stomach as she thought of it, and felt strangely sad. Her first—only—baby wasn't even big enough to show yet, and already she was sad she wouldn't have another. Pregnancy brain was real. Petra walked to the simpler cradles, Levi keeping his distance behind her.

"This one's a good model," the man said, rocking one with his foot. Petra grinned. It was sweet, carved out of a creamy wood and almost entirely without ornament. The only decoration was a little carved heart in the headboard.

"Oh, I love it." She knelt and rocked it herself. Petra felt a little pang as she imagined laying a snoozing baby into it, maybe one with her hair and Levi's eyes. She was afraid she'd start crying—she'd been emotional lately, what with her body adjusting to being pregnant. But all she felt was a deep, glowing happiness. She looked over her shoulder at Levi without thinking. "Won't it be sweet?"

"Yeah," he said. In fact he cleared his throat. "I mean, it's not for me. Your sister's gonna like it."

"Yes. She will. How much?"

The man named a price. Petra almost fainted. Maybe putting the baby in a potato crate wasn't such a terrible idea…

"The present's from the Survey Corps," Levi said coolly. "There a military discount?"

"Oh." The man hesitated.

"I'll be sure to let people know you've got a great shop," he said. "You know. Being Humanity's Strongest and all, they tend to listen to me."

The man's eyes lit up.

"Oh, yes! Would you be a spokesperson?"

"Nope." That was a fast answer.

"Oh."

"But I'll tell people."

Considering Levi didn't talk to anyone if he could help it, he'd probably end up telling Eren, Erwin, and Hange, none of who would need to get ready for a baby anytime soon. But this man didn't need to know that. He beamed.

"I can take it down to half price," he said to Petra.

"Seventy five would be real nice of you," Levi said. He was shameless. Well, he had done business in the underground black market. Compared to his old life, negotiating for some baby furniture was nothing at all.

"Oh." The man was visibly starting to sweat. "Er. What about sixty?"

"Seventy."

"Sixty five?"

"Captain," Petra warned.

"Deal. Pay the man, Ral."

She hadn't anticipated that this was how shopping for her first child would go. At the counter, Petra laid out her coins while the man went over details.

"We can have it delivered wherever you like. Same day delivery for Trost."

"Send it to the Survey Corps barracks," Levi said.

"Oh?" The man frowned. "Wouldn't it be better to send it to the expectant mother?"

"My sister and her husband are moving right now," Petra said, jumping in. "I'll hang onto the cradle until they settle."

"Very good." The man smiled, gave her a bill of sale, and bowed them out of the shop. Once safely onto the street and out of the line of sight, Petra stopped walking and placed a hand over her chest.

"My heart's still pounding. Why was that so stressful?"

"Good catch with that 'saving the cradle for your sister' thing. I was half ready to knock the guy out and run." Levi actually looked shaken. He battled titans without blinking, and now purchasing a cradle nearly made him pass out.

"I've never seen you flustered like that." Petra grinned. "You were so cute."

"Did you just call me cute?"

Petra giggled. "You really are like a cat. You hate to have your pride pricked at all."

"Yeah? How else am I like a cat?" He walked on, dragging her with him while she struggled not to laugh. "I kill mice with my teeth? I shit in a box?"

"You're sleek and graceful and deadly," she said, squeezing his arm. That mollified him a bit. "You keep to yourself. And you scratch anyone who tries to rub your belly."

"Tch. Real poetic." He turned up his nose. "I let you rub my belly," he muttered.

"You let me rub a lot more than that." She bit her lip, holding in laughter as Levi hunched with embarrassment.

"Eh, keep your voice down. There's kids. Somewhere."

The cradle had been the important purchase, but they looked at a few shops Petra yearned to see. She knew that on their budget, the baby's clothes would have to be handmade. Petra could do a few basic stitches, and Levi had shocked her by showing he could do the same. 'What's a guy supposed to do when his shirt gets ripped underground? Go to a fucking tailor?' he'd said. Between the two of them, they could manage to keep the baby clothed until it was two or so. Baby clothes and shoes were far too expensive to buy at a shop; the child would outgrow them so quickly. But Petra couldn't help gazing at the small, delicate shirts and dresses on display with wistfulness. A pair of baby shoes in bright red leather almost broke her resolve, but that was three silver coins for something the kid would wear only a month or so. It wasn't worth it.

Levi watched her interest with a calm, unconcerned look.

"Do you want it to be a boy or a girl?" Petra asked, staring at a little white dress and cap.

"Either way," Levi said, a polite manner of saying 'I don't care.'

Right. He didn't want it to be anything. He didn't want it at all. Petra pursed her lips.

"I think it's a boy," she said softly as they walked away. Levi frowned.

"How do you know that?"

"I don't, but it's a feeling. My mom said Willem felt different from Brigitta and me. She felt a pain right under her ribs with him."

"Could've been gas."

Petra smiled, shook her head. "If it's a boy, what would you like to call him?"

"The kid's the size of a bean right now. Let's wait until he's kicking to decide."

"I know, but you'll be…" Petra froze. They both knew she'd been about to say 'going to Shiganshina', the implication being he might not come back. They might never get to look at her growing belly and speculate on if it was an Edgar or a Fritz. "I think we should call it Erwin, if it's a boy," she said, hurrying on.

"Yeah? Erwin'd like that," Levi said. "I wouldn't mind, either. Just so long as the kid doesn't have eyebrows like caterpillars."

Petra touched her stomach again; she couldn't seem to stop these days. She'd gone from feeling like herself to feeling like a fragile vessel. It was so strange to know that wherever she went, she wasn't alone; someone else was sitting inside of her. She was baffled, and nervous, and honestly a little pissed. She'd been ready for Shiganshina, and now she'd have to watch by the window for the heroes to come riding home. Petra had been ready to give her all for humanity, and now she would sit and wait, two things she'd never been good at. She winced.

"I wish I could go with all of you," she said softly.

"If there's one reason for me to be happy about this baby," Levi said, utterly serious, "it's that he's keeping you home."

"We don't know Shiganshina will be that dangerous." But Petra didn't really believe her own words. Neither did Levi.

"Those two, Reiner and Bertholdt, they didn't just forget about Eren. Or the rest of us."

No. Petra brooded over that one shifter they had in crystal back in Stohess, Annie. The one who'd killed Oruo and the others. Every time she thought about that female titan and its pilot, her throat closed with rage. When Petra had seen the girl trapped in that crystal prison—Annie, only sixteen, really just a child—she'd felt numb. How could anyone that young kill so many of Petra's comrades? And with so much…flair?

Those three hadn't broken down the walls and killed hundreds of thousands of people out of simple mean-spiritedness. They had a motive, one strong enough that they wouldn't let humanity survive without a fight. Petra shivered, and Levi guided her to the side of the road.

"Hey. Look at me." His voice was uncharacteristically soft as he cupped her chin. "If I know you're safe, I'll fight better. I know I will. If you were there, I'd want to keep an eye on you. I couldn't help it. Erwin's probably grateful you're staying."

"I just…" She squeezed his hand. "The Commander asked if I wanted to retire from field duty permanently."

"And?"

"I'm going to have this baby. I'm going to try to be a good mother. But…" She had to fight a swell of emotion. Her voice shook. "I can't just be a woman who stays at home for the rest of my life."

"Then you won't be." Levi said it with iron certainty. "We'll figure it out. And if…when we're back from Shiganshina with whatever's locked in that stupid basement, I get the feeling there'll be a lot more work to do. So you'll do it."

Her heart fluttered, her cheeks heated. Screw caution. She pulled him into an alley, out of sight of the crowds, and kissed him. He murmured in shock, but responded very readily.

"How is it for a man who doesn't like words very much, you always know the right thing to say?" she whispered.

"It's… I. Don't know. Er, fuck, kiss me again." Whenever he became flustered, the tips of his ears reddened. She didn't dare tell him how adorable that was.

Petra grinned, and kissed him. She wrapped her arms around him. Levi gently broke their kiss and unwound her from his neck.

"Easy. You're gonna be someone's mother." He laid a gentle kiss on her forehead, like she was bone china he needed to take exaggerated care with.

"I don't mind," she muttered.

"You got sick this morning after we fucked." Trust him to be blunt.

"That wasn't because of the sex! Pregnant women get sick sometimes."

"Right, so I need to take better care of you. Tch. Now come on, I want that tea." Levi dragged her from the alley, and Petra stewed in her thoughts as they walked through the high street. She didn't want what might be their last few nights together hampered by her "delicate" condition. If Levi saw her as some invalid, some fragile little mother, he'd cool his ardor. Petra didn't want that. She was going to be a mother, sure, but that didn't mean she couldn't get laid.

They picked up some simple but quality fabric for clothing. Levi got his tea, and Petra found one little frivolous purchase: a stuffed lamb. She stroked the fuzzy thing as they walked back to the barracks. Levi rattled off a list as they went, detail oriented as always.

"We got the cradle. You're gonna start making the clothes, but we got time yet. I'll help when I get back from the mission. The kid needs blankets and cloth diapers. Now he's got a little fuzzy friend." He eyed the lamb. Petra knew it had been an extravagance—if she'd wanted to spend that money, better use it on something more practical. But he shrugged. "Kid'll like that."

"Thank you for coming with me. I know it's not what you would've liked most on your day off."

"Tch. Kid's half mine. I oughta step up." They turned into the barracks and headed through the stable yard. They passed the storeroom, a small brick building on the edge of the grounds. It offered cool afternoon shade. Petra slipped her hand into Levi's as they went. "When we get in, I want you to lie down for a while."

He's acting like a nursemaid.

Petra twisted up her mouth as they passed the storeroom. She stopped, sliding her hand from his. Levi halted and turned back, looking puzzled as hell.

"Ral?"

Petra looked to the left and right, saw they were alone. She then immediately unbuttoned her shirt all the way to her navel, putting her breasts on display. Levi dropped the shopping. Blankets and canisters of tea spilled onto the grass.

"Wh-what the fuck are you—"

She grabbed him by the lapels and yanked him over to her, so that he pressed her against the cool bricks. Petra took his hands and placed them on her breasts. Levi was blinking and utterly mute; clearly he was trying to figure out the missing step that had occurred between walking to the room and this.

He squeezed, sending a line of warmth all the way through her. Petra kissed him hard, grinding her body against him.

"Whu da fuh" he said against her lips. She broke the kiss and whispered in his ear.

"I don't want to lie down." She hitched her leg up around his hip. Petra nipped at Levi's earlobe, which got a reaction out of him. "I want to do it here."

"There are horses," he croaked. "People could show up. It's not clean."

"I know. That's part of the fun." She kissed his neck, buried herself against him. Even after a day in the hot sun, he smelled of soap and cool things. Petra moved her hips, and felt him move in response. His breathing was becoming erratic.

"You're fucking crazy."

"Good. Don't forget it. We don't have to lie down." She felt his hand travel down her body, under her skirt. Petra gave a soft cry when he slid a finger inside of her and felt how ready she was. Levi groaned with the knowledge.

"You're out of your mind," he said admiringly. Checking once more to see they were alone, he unbuttoned himself fast and hoisted her up, pinning her to the wall. Petra tried to keep from screaming in excitement when he shoved into her. It was a little uncomfortable in this position and pressed up against the bricks, but she didn't care. When she started to call his name, he shoved a hand over her mouth. "Keep it down," he grunted, going faster. Petra whimpered against his hand when he paused to knead her breast and take it into his mouth. His tongue circled her nipple. She ground her hips, and he thrust in response, panting her name as he took her, bringing her closer to—

Someone made a noise. Levi pulled out so fast he nearly dropped Petra. She gripped her shirt closed as they watched Erwin Smith walk away as fast as he could.

Oh fuck.

"Erwin. Sorry. We're…done," Levi muttered, sticking himself back into his pants and doing them up. He looked about ready to bash his head against the wall until he forgot what'd just happened. Petra wondered if she wore a bag over her head every time she came to work.

"It's fine. I didn't see anything. The sky is very blue today," the commander said, lying nicely. Eventually, he managed to turn and face them. He looked impeccable and calm as ever, utterly unfazed. Petra almost wished he looked embarrassed; that would be human. Instead, they were all just…looking at one another.

"We don't normally do that," Levi said. She could hear the edge of his voice; he was mortified.

"It was my idea," Petra said, wincing. "I'm going through a lot right now—"

"Please. It's all right." Erwin chuckled and shook his head. "I just appreciate that you both care. There tends to be a lot of, shall we say, fraternizing in the days leading up to an expedition."

True. Faced with the possibility of death, everyone wanted to feel alive just one last time. Petra blushed, while Levi busied himself by picking up the fallen shopping.

"We bought a cradle. It'll come in today." Finished, he kept his line of vision on Erwin's boots. "Sorry. We'll go to our room. Where we should've gone to begin with."

"I'm sorry." Petra covered her eyes with her hand.

"I honestly didn't see anything," Erwin said. "Just…enough movement to get the picture. Don't worry."

Levi huffed, and Petra peeked from between her fingers. The commander was looking at her with complete amusement and understanding.

"Thank you, sir," she muttered, letting Levi take her hand and haul her into the barracks. They nearly ran through the halls, and stopped outside their door while Levi got his key. Petra saw a few letters lying on the ground: mail delivery. She picked them up, leaned against the wall, and burst out laughing.

"Huh?" Levi's bewilderment made her laugh harder, laugh until her stomach ached. She wrapped her arms around herself, giggling with glee as he shepherded her into the room. Petra stood there just holding the mail, still giggling when he came up behind her and put his arms around her. "What'm I gonna do with such a naughty brat?"

He kissed her neck. Petra grinned as he began to unbutton her blouse.

"There's lots you can do with me," she said, eyeing the letters briefly as she tossed them onto the table.

"Mmm. Better spend a lot of time disciplining you."

Petra was ready to fling herself into his arms and fall into—

She froze.

"Levi?"

"Hmm?" He managed to stop undressing her for a minute. "What's wrong?"

"This is for you." She stared blankly at the letter.

"Uh. Okay. I get mail sometimes. Put it on the table."

"But it's my father's handwriting."

They were silent.

"How do you know?"

"I know what his writing looks like."

"So…it's for you."

"No. It's addressed to you."

Captain Levi Ackerman of the Survey Corps, Trost.

"Open it."

Petra did, and scanned the letter. She read it over twice, the second time very slowly to make sure she fully understood it. Then she walked to the bed and sat down, the air rushing from her lungs.

"Captain," she read. "My name is Pieter Ral, Petra Ral's father. My family has heard rumors that you have…" Petra paused to collect herself. "…That you have gotten my daughter in the family way."

"How the fuck—"

"If these rumors are false, I'm very sorry to accuse you, but if they're true then I expect you to do the decent thing and marry her."

"Who the fuck says 'in the family way'?" His voice broke. Levi shook his head. "How did he find out the… Fuck it. Enough people around here know by now. Someone told someone who wrote to someone else, then someone else's mother told someone else's mother. That's how this shit gets started. It's okay." Levi rubbed his eyes. "We're getting married, like I said. So I'll write back and tell him—"

"He's not done," Petra said, then continued. "My daughter Brigitta and her husband have just settled in Trost. My wife and I will be there the day after tomorrow." She checked the mail date on the envelope. "This was sent yesterday. So. They'll be here tomorrow." In a haze, she read the last of the letter. "We plan to stay with my younger daughter and discuss any necessary action with you. Please come to dinner at…" She let the letter drop to the floor. "The dinner's at eight. I…I didn't want this to be complicated."

Petra swallowed a lump in her throat. She'd planned to quietly marry and then write to her parents telling them the 'happy news' of her pregnancy.

"So tomorrow night I have to have dinner with your family and make a big show about how sorry I am that, what? I love you? We had sex? Fuck that." He practically bristled as he slammed a canister of tea onto the table and started ripping it open. The Levi Ackerman way: when stressed, make tea or clean, and right now the place was spotless. "They can come to the barracks and hear what we're gonna do. Then they can give their blessing, turn right around, and go back to Calaneth."

"Levi."

She kept the tears away, but her voice quavered. He looked at Petra. She twisted a corner of the envelope back and forth, back and forth.

"It's my family." She looked at him, begged him with her eyes. Levi set down the tea, then leaned on the table.

"Fuck," he said.

He had seen everything.

Erwin walked through the darkened city streets, his footsteps slow but purposeful. He rarely visited the edges of Trost, and the temptations that lay within. He didn't like to seek out paid companionship in his own city. It made him look desperate at best, sleazy at worst.

But he'd seen it all, and he needed a release.

He didn't know who had affected him more, Petra or Levi. Erwin had seen the girl's flushed abandon as she gave herself, the ecstasy, the parted lips. He'd seen her breasts for god's sake, and the length of her thigh as Levi had held her by the hips and…

And Erwin had seen Levi utterly freed. The man had been so animated. So happy. He had seen Levi's passion on the battlefield, but that translated into cold fury or the slice of a blade. Nothing like this. Nothing warm.

Most of all, Erwin had seen how happy they were. How much they wanted each other. They did not kiss or touch in front of him; they didn't even use relaxed language. He'd known they were in love…but now he had seen it.

And it ate him alive.

He entered the building with the red lamps and the closed curtains. Eugenia, the mistress of the house, smiled as he closed the door.

"Didn't think to see you for a while," she said, moving to take off his coat. Erwin usually kept it months between visits, if not half a year. Eugenia tsked when she saw his empty right sleeve. He could feel her sympathy. She probably thought that was why he was here, seeking a release from the pain. He let her think that. "Let's get you fixed up."

Young women and a few young men sauntered through the rooms of this house, all perfumed and rouged and packaged delectably. Erwin stood near the staircase, casting his gaze across all of them. Looking, looking…

"Take it you don't want Claudette tonight?" Eugenia asked.

Claudette was a tall, willowy blonde who looked a great deal like Marie. When Erwin came here, he'd spend a night with her and feel like he was making love to a ghost.

But no. He wanted something new tonight. And then he spotted it.

The girl was quite young, probably just twenty, which was ideal. Her hair was a pure red, but the shade didn't much matter. It was chin length, which was perfect. Her eyes were green, not brown, and her body was a bit fuller in the bust and hips, but the face was animated and the smile wide. She'd do nicely.

"Who's that?" he asked.

"Justine." Eugenia grinned, the mole on her lip rising. "She's very different from your usual type, isn't she?"

"Is she free?"

"Yep. Let me tell her and get a room set up."

"One more thing." He looked around again. "I want one more."

Eugenia chuckled. "You're very adventurous tonight."

"It's not like that," he said. Then, "Show me the men."

Erwin could not believe it when he found him over by the fireplace. The man was quite short, and rather slight. His face was powdered white, his lips rouged, but his black eyes glistened with an almost dangerous intensity. When Eugenia spoke to him and gestured to Erwin, the young man only looked at his customer with a flat gaze. His hair was black, and closely cropped. It would do. If Justine was friendly, this young man was prickly. Erwin could not have designed it better.

Erwin took them both, Justine and Philippe, to a bedroom on the second floor. She giggled and landed on the bed straight away, while Philippe began to slide out of his jacket.

"No," Erwin said, pointing to the young man. "Sit there, by the window."

Philippe shrugged, and did as he was told. "Just here?"

"I have a scenario I want," Erwin said.

"Ooo, I like those." Justine giggled, her full cheeks flushed. She bounced to Erwin, started unbuttoning him. "Who's the intruder?"

"No intruder. Now listen." He knew just what he needed. To Justine, he said, "You love him." Philippe listened, Justine nodded. "You're getting married. But you can't help yourself." He held the girl against him, whispered in her ear. "At first you don't want to, but soon you can't deny yourself. It hurts you to give in, but you can't resist."

"Okay," she said.

"And me?" Philippe asked.

"Watch us."

"That's it?"

"That's it. With the lights out."

It had to be pitch black.

"It'll be hard to watch if there's nothing to see."

"It doesn't matter. It's what I want."

Philippe shrugged, then opened a cigarette case on the table next to him.

"Mind if I smoke?"

"Not at all." That was better. He'd be able to see the ember in the darkness, know where to look. "One last thing. You're Levi," he said to Philippe. He took Justine's chin in his hand. "You're Petra."

She giggled, then they turned off the lamps and began.

Justine wasn't much of an actress. She had the standard lines ("You shouldn't be here! I love him…but I can't help myself. No one's ever touched me like this before" and so on), so Erwin finally told her not to worry about speaking. It was all right, because she was small, and sweet, and when he ran his fingers through her hair he could imagine someone else.

The cigarette smoldered in the darkness, and he stared at it while he and "Petra" went faster and faster. He sat on the edge of the bed and let her ride him, holding her close and whispering her name as he stared at that light.

Watch me. Watch this. See me.

Soon the girl's noises of fake ecstasy began to morph and mellow; Erwin made love to the phantom in his arms, trailing kisses across her lips and breasts, attending to her pleasure. He needed her to enjoy him. She began to call his name in earnest, and he kept his eyes on the cigarette.

Watch me.

When she erupted in his arms, Erwin finished. He lay back, "Petra" gasping as she rolled off him.

"This Petra doesn't know what she's missing," Justine whispered, forgetting her role for the moment.

Erwin watched the cigarette extinguish.

"Is that it?" Philippe asked. He sounded flat, unconcerned. How like Levi. Good.

"Come here," Erwin whispered. The man padded across the room; Erwin could just discern his shape in the blackness. He squared his jaw. "Now. Hit me."

"Um."

"It's what I want," he hissed. "Hit me."

A grunt of acceptance, and then Erwin felt the blow land across his cheek. He fell back onto the bed while "Petra" shrieked. He sat back up, working his jaw, accepting the stinging pain. Excellent.

"Again."

Another blow, this time to the other side of his face. It was good. "Levi" stood over him, delivering punishment. Again, and again Erwin let himself be struck, and he lay back on the bed and let the pain fade.

"Again."

"That's enough," "Levi" whispered. Erwin shut his eyes at the feel of the man's hands upon his stomach. Then they skated lower, the touch trailing. "Levi" kissed Erwin's leg, then up to his—

"Ah, wait." Erwin sat up, feeling his whole body flush. "I don't want… I'm not…"

"It's all right," the young man whispered. But Erwin really didn't want this. He had never been attracted to men, or to the real Levi, but…

But his body was extremely stimulated. It certainly wanted whatever this was.

"Levi" hummed as he began, licking, then stroking, before finally taking Erwin into his mouth. Erwin lay back, breathless, endearingly helpless as the man, as "Levi" went faster and gave an appreciative moan. Why was this happening? All Erwin could think of was the first time he had come face to face with Levi in the underground, the small, furious man on his knees with his hands bound behind his back. He had looked at Erwin with such hatred, a man filled with fire and chaos and passion. He had wanted to slit Erwin's throat.

And Erwin had tamed him. In the beginning, it had given him pleasure to know that he had broken the unbreakable. Erwin had not wanted Furlan or Isabel to die, but their deaths had inadvertently played to his advantage. Levi crumpled, and gave in.

Levi was his in a way no one else could ever be.

As much as Erwin wanted Petra, he had wanted Levi to see it even more. All that was Levi's was Erwin's, as all that Erwin had he would give to Levi.

I brought them back together. I did the right thing.

Erwin had pushed them together again when they had drifted apart months ago. He wanted their happiness. But it had been sharing Levi with another. Erwin had still possessed the man.

Now, with a baby, Levi would not be Erwin's any longer. Never again. When you had a child, you gave yourself to it utterly.

"Levi"'s tongue stroked him, and Erwin shuddered. "Levi" gripped his thighs as Erwin finished, crying out in ecstasy. He lay there, half unbelieving, as "Levi" kissed his way up Erwin's stomach. "Petra" cuddled in against the two men as Erwin touched them both. "Levi" was naked as well now. The room was still pitch black, but Erwin could swear he saw pinwheels of indescribable color. His body shook as "Petra" kissed his neck and "Levi"'s mouth hovered over his.

"You can have us both," he murmured.

Erwin whispered Levi's name, then Petra's.

He'd taken the room for the entire night—a decent sum, but then again he could be dead in five days. For hours the three of them came together and apart, adjusting, playing, groaning and tasting one another. He could see Levi beneath him, those flat, emotionless eyes, and then the animation as he grew excited. Petra was soft, and delicate, and cooed with disbelief at what she was doing. They were both so small, almost amusingly so, and Erwin was truly with them. Levi. Petra. The three of them were together, happy, giving and taking. He was one of them. He belonged with them.

They were his.

As dawn began to peek through that crack in the curtain, Erwin lay in the center of the bed, his two soldiers, his lovers asleep and nestled against him. Petra sighed, Levi shifted. Erwin gazed at the dark ceiling above, imagined he was pinned up there and looking down upon his body, naked, huddled with his ghosts.

They were all he had left.

Erwin almost never cried, but he had to be very quiet so as not to wake them while the tears coursed down his cheeks.