Levi stalked through the streets of Trost with an embarrassed Erwin at his side while Hange cavorted like a lunatic somewhere up ahead, shouting about which bar they had to go to first.
"You had to tell her," Levi growled.
"It was a moment of weakness. She caught me off guard when I mentioned picking you up at Petra's sister's house."
"Did you have to tell her I'm getting married?"
"Wasn't she going to find out eventually?"
Honestly, Levi would've been fine with marrying Petra for formality's sake and having no one know about it ever. He was going to marry this woman because it was what she needed; he was going to have this baby with her because it was what she wanted. Marriage and a baby were all prices he was willing to pay to stay with Petra Ral, not things he wanted to celebrate in their own right.
"Look, I'm not playing this stupid game. I'm going home." Levi turned his steps for the center of town while Erwin cleared his throat.
"I'm sure she'll be disappointed."
"I could give a shit if she's disappointed," Levi said before finally catching a look at Erwin's expression in the lamplight. The commander looked kind of…if Levi'd been out of his mind, he'd have said Erwin looked sad. "Erwin?"
"We ride for Shiganshina in a few days," Erwin said evenly, glancing at the city streets. "We may not return."
Well, nice thing to mention to a guy with a baby on the way. But there was a certain stillness in Erwin that Levi couldn't help but notice.
"Trost has been the closest I've had to a hometown since I was a child," Erwin said. He sighed. "Living with my aunt and uncle after my father's death was a place to stay, not a home. I suppose I wanted to spend some time on these streets again, in case…"
In case he got his crippled dumb ass killed? Every time Levi heard Erwin talk about taking himself and his one arm to Shiganshina, Levi wanted to crush the blond bastard all over again. Honestly, he was waiting for the day Erwin would mercifully call his own bluff and confess that he was going to wait for them all to return with good news.
But even Levi knew that wasn't the big problem right now.
"You want to have a drink, huh?" he grumbled. Erwin cast his eyes down, a rueful smile on his lips. Weird to see a chiseled god of a man look sheepish.
"It's selfish to ask you to indulge me, Levi. I suppose Hange's impromptu party, unintentional as it was, became a means to my own end."
"Yeah. You're a real cagy bastard." Fuck it. "All right. One bar. One drink. Got it?"
Erwin seemed genuinely surprised and delighted. Never let it be said Levi Ackerman didn't do nice things for the people in his life, even if he always fucking hated it.
"Agreed."
"Leeeeviiii. Errrrrwiiiin. Come on, I have an idea," Hange bellowed through cupped hands. The men stared at their comrade as she leapt about like some kind of leaping titan, pointing enthusiastically at a tavern.
"Promise me we knock her out if she gets too drunk," Levi said.
"Agreed," Erwin said emphatically.
Levi didn't know how Hange had managed to convince the bartender to let her mix the drinks. Maybe she'd paid him. Maybe she'd tied him up and stuck him in the back. With Hange, all things were possible. And terrifying.
Levi sat with his arms crossed in front of the bar. Erwin was at his left. Hange, meanwhile, crouched behind said bar, and slowly poked her head up so that only her glasses and long nose were visible. She wiggled her eyebrows, then emerged holding a bottle of gin. She set it down before them, giggling maniacally as she pulled out a bottle of rum to sit alongside it. Next came a bottle of whiskey. She took out a metal shaker and poured the three liquids inside, added ice, and then topped it off with a foaming draught of beer. Hange closed the shaker and shook violently, cackling all the while. Finally, she strained the brew into three small glasses, and slid two to the men. Her eyes rolled skyward as she screeched like some kind of witch cavorting over a potion.
"I hate you, Four Eyes," Levi growled.
"I think I'm scared," Erwin said quietly.
"This is for you, Levi. An experiment I've always wanted to try!" Hange rubbed her hands gleefully. "You have a hard time getting drunk."
"I never get drunk," he snapped. He only knew what drunk was because of observing how other people behaved. To Levi, alcohol provided no buzz, and he didn't much like the taste. Therefore, he always preferred a nice cup of tea when he could get it.
"I know. Then, after we learned your last name was Ackerman, I did some research into the Reiss family archival library." Oh, fuck. He knew where this was going. Hange stared at him like he was a little titan pet she wanted to put a leash on and take for a walk. Ever since they'd learned in those stupid books that the Ackerman bloodline was so powerful in part due to freaky experimentation, Hange had regarded Levi and Mikasa as her own personal lab rats. "Your body can heal itself rapidly. We've noticed it before. There's a good chance that's why you have a hard time getting drunk." She grinned. "Your body absorbs the alcohol too quickly."
"So your idea is to pour it down my throat 'til I fucking die?"
"No. Not yet." She leaned across the bar, the firelight glinting owlishly on her glasses. "I found an old recipe book down in the Military Police's storeroom of heretical literature." Yep, deposing old King Reiss had been tons of fun for Hange. So many new weird things to discover. "It had all kinds of food and drinks recorded in it, including one drink called a…" She squinted, trying to recall. "Long Island iced tea."
"Tea?" Now she was talking his language.
"It doesn't have any actual tea in it, but it does have every kind of hard liquor ever created." She nudged Levi's glass towards him. "I figure that with the right combination of all these different spirits, plus the carbonated fizz in the beer to enter your bloodstream faster, this might be enough to finally get you drunk."
"Why the fuck would I want to be drunk?"
"It's not about you, Levi! It's for science."
"This is supposed to be my bachelor party, shithead."
"Bachelor parties can be for science, too!"
"I'm sorry," Erwin whispered to Levi. Well, too fucking late now. One bar. One drink. And this was that one bar and one drink, so Levi took up his glass and swallowed the contents in a single gulp. He coughed as it burned on its way down, and thumped his chest. Hange, meanwhile, clinked glasses with Erwin and pouted.
"I can't believe you didn't wait to toast!"
"Screw you, Hange. I had the drink. I feel fucking normal. I'm going home." With that, Levi kicked back the bar stool and stood.
How long had he been sitting here, in this bar? Was it the same bar? No; no, it was an other bar. Another bar. An-other barrrrrrrr.
Levi's vision wavered back and forth, back and forth. He gripped the edge of the table to keep his balance. His skin felt numb but also kind of tingly. His face was like rubber. He squished his cheeks a couple of times to get used to the feel. Squish. Squish.
"He's drunk!" Hange hissed to Erwin. The three of them were sitting in a booth. Levi was to the far right, while Erwin was in the center. Hange crowded the commander, pointing at Levi like he was a freak in a sideshow. Her glasses were askew on her nose, and her brown hair was out of its ponytail. "An' guess what? I'm drunk toooooo."
Erwin's cheeks were flaming red by now, and his hair stuck up on the back of his head. He leaned one large elbow on the table and placed his forehead in his hand.
"I think I should die now," he muttered.
"Fuck you, Eyebrows," Levi slurred, and then laid his head on the table. It made the buzzing noise in his head buzz a little less. Heh. Buzz. "Fuck, hic, you, Four Eyes. Why the hell d'you people like doin' this? My head hurts."
Hange burst into a raucous, almost obscene bout of laughter. It startled Erwin so bad he tipped over and crashed into Levi. Levi barked and elbowed the giant blond god of a drunk.
"Get off, yuh bastard."
"This takes me back." Erwin's blue eyes had this weird, glossy shine to them now. "My hal, er, hal-cee-yun…halcyon days of youth! You know, I was quite the rap—hic—scallion as a boy."
"You were a boy?" Levi slurred. He glared at his friends. "I jus' thought you were born a fuckin' eyebrow that grew a man."
"Levi! It's not nice to pick on people's physical flaws, you short bastard!" Hange snapped. Levi threw something at her. It may have been a shoe. His shoe.
His foot was cold now.
"Fuck you, Four Eyes!"
"You're not my type!" She cackled.
"What is your type, then? Fifty feet tall with no junk?"
"Exactly."
Erwin chuckled and rubbed his face. Honestly, Levi's brain may've been melting but it was nice to see Erwin having a good time.
Petra would like that. She worried about Erwin. She worried about all of them. She was the sweetest, worriest person in the Corps.
"Petra." Levi sighed, shut his eyes. "I'm doin' this for you, Petra. All of it! The baby! Your parents! This shit!" He gestured to the table and the assembled drunks. Levi never spoke his true feelings aloud when sober, but now, for the first time, he was a little uninhibited. He hadn't been uninhibited since the day he was born. It was wild. Freeing. Frightening. He bunched his hands into fists and shook them in the air. "Doin' this because I love you."
Hange cheered; somehow, she'd gotten three more foaming mugs of ale, and passed them to the men. Erwin held up his glass.
"To Petra, the bride," he said. His eyelids drooped. "Levi. You are the luckiest man in the world. Never forget that."
"I won't." They clinked mugs, and Levi took a long pull on his ale. Apparently when you were drunk, all alcohol tasted way better. That made you get more drunk. It was a scam. A lovely, lovely scam. "Hange. Y'ever gettin' married? If we kill alllll the titans yer gonna be shit outta luck."
"I could get, hic, married." She tried to brush her hair with her glasses. It didn't work too well. "If I met the right man. Or woman. Or titan. Or all three."
"You gonna have kids, y'think?"
She blew a loud raspberry. "Oh fuck no! No, I love kiddies, but I don't want 'em. It's too much noise. I make my own noise. The 104th kids're like my kids, y'know? I'd be happy adopting some if I adopted 'em when they were f—hic—teen."
"See, I thought the same." Levi leaned forward, feeling his face slacken. "An' I still feel the same. Who the fuck wants kids in a world like this one? If only I'd pulled outta her that night…"
"Levi. This isn't appropriate." Erwin frowned.
"It's my goddamn bachelor party, Erwin!" He slammed back the rest of his ale. He never discussed his private life, but the flush of the alcohol and the honesty it encouraged just passed all the way through him and out. "It's so hard bein' safe with her, though. It's like fucking a goddess." He slumped back, cast his eyes to the ceiling. "So easy to make her come, especially after—"
The table banged as Erwin abruptly stood. Taking up the empty mugs, he shuffled past Hange and back to the bar, his face red as a beet. Hange watched him go with sympathetic eyes.
"Remember, he's gotta work with her all day. We both do." She was reprimanding him. "Petra's not just your girl, Levi."
Even drunk, he felt the hot creep of shame on his neck. Levi rubbed his eyes.
"Sorry. I don't usually… I'm drunk."
"Yeah." She looked sheepish. "That part's my fault. Sorry."
"Yeah, fuck you, Hange." Levi watched Erwin hand over the mugs to some pretty barmaid, then say something that made her laugh. Erwin had that ability; even when he showed up drunk outta his mind and missing an arm, women went crazy for him. If the guy hadn't given up all that domestic shit for the cause, he would've made a good husband. A few months ago, Levi would've acknowledged that with a shrug, if he even thought it at all. Now, knowing what it was like to sleep next to a woman he adored, to hear her call his name and tease him, to drink tea together, make love together, even argue over which side of the cupboard belonged to who made Levi feel bad for the guy. Levi didn't know what kind of person he'd be today if he and Petra had never gotten together, but he imagined he'd be even more miserable. Being loved by someone that you yourself loved put a kind of spell on a person. It made life easier to deal with. Scarier, sure, and Levi would never get over the fear of losing Petra to a titan or in childbirth, but he felt more like a man with her at his side. Erwin didn't know how this felt, and he could've with Marie. Now that they were getting older, he wondered if it bothered the guy that he'd given all that up.
Nah. Erwin Smith was a fucking god. He wasn't built like normal men, like Levi. Levi was extraordinary because of what his body could do; Erwin was extraordinary because of his mind. Different things. Different men. Different needs.
"He's not really going to Shiganshina, is he?" Levi muttered. Hange blinked at him.
"Eh? Why wouldn't he? He's been planning it since before we even knew what was in Shiganshina, you know? Erwin's always been thinking ahead."
"He's down a fucking arm, Hange," he growled. That yellow lightning pointed from Levi to Erwin. He felt that primal urge that shouted protect him echo down his throat. "What use's he gonna be?"
"He's Erwin." She shrugged, as if to say 'he's god.'
"If he dies, you'll be in command of the Corps. Sure you want him putting his neck out like that?"
Hange turned a little green there. The woman was a good squad leader, but there was a difference between leading eight people and leading an entire organization. Hange at least could do it, unlike Levi, but she sure as shit didn't want to.
"Well, let's talk 'bout this with him when we're not verrrrry drunk," she said. Okay. That was fair. Levi reached out his hand.
"Give me my shoe back."
"No. It's my shoe now." She tucked it under her arm, a fanatical light blazing in her eyes. Hange cackled as he gripped her collar. "You wouldn't hurt a woman would you?" She made her voice lilting, a parody of femininity.
"I'll hurt anyone who steals my shoe."
"I didn't steal it. You threw it at me! You gave it to me."
"I'll give you a bath in the river if you don't hand it over."
"Oooh, good idea! We should go skinny dipping! Erwin!" She tossed Levi his shoe, stood on the seat, cupped her hands over her mouth and yelled. Everyone in the tavern turned. "We're gonna get naked and head for the river."
"Ah." He waved. "Have fun."
"You have to come, too!"
"Siddown, we're the fucking Survey Corps," Levi snarled. He dragged the gangly woman down and made her sit while she snickered, pleased with herself. He glanced over at Hange, her eyes already spinning crazily with a bunch of new ideas to embarrass him. Maybe it was all the drinking, but he found himself reminiscing. The first expedition he'd taken with the Survey Corps, when Furlan and Isabel had still been alive, was when he'd met Hange properly. Everyone else there, even Mike and Nanaba, even Moblit, even Erwin, had looked at him like he was somewhere between a criminal piece of shit and a secret weapon. Hange had come up to them with sweets for Isabel, which the kid had loved, and nothing but kind words to say to Levi. At the time, he'd thought she was some weird psycho bitch. Weird and psycho had turned out to be correct, but not the bitch part. Hange sniffed.
"Hey? Levi?" Her voice became uncharacteristically less brassy. "Why didn't you tell me you were getting married?"
"Huh?" He scratched his cheek and shrugged. "Why's it matter? I don't wanna do it anyway. It's just 'cause of the kid."
"Yeah, I know. But you told Erwin."
"He's the Commander. He needs to know about the baby."
"I suppose." Fuck, she sounded kind of sad now. Hange didn't get sad. Determined, forceful, batshit crazy, hysterical? Sure. Not sad. "Guess I thought we were good enough friends that you'd tell me," she muttered. She must've heard how low she sounded with those words, because her head snapped up and she blushed. "Er, not that it's about me! It's not."
"No. You're right." Fuck it, one side effect of booze he hadn't known about until right now was how fucking soppy it could make you. Levi lightly punched Hange in the shoulder. "I mean, you're my best friend," he grumbled.
"Really?" She looked shocked. "What about Erwin?"
"What, you want me to fucking rank you both?" he snapped. But in a strange way he meant it. He was closer to Erwin than to anyone alive, even Petra, but it was a strange closeness. It was as urgent as it was friendly; they both needed each other to make the other's life worthwhile. Erwin needed Levi to get them to the truth; Levi needed Erwin to guide humanity forward. It was never just the two of them alone together, not even when there was no one else in the room. But Hange? He wanted to wring her neck a lot of the time, but there was no strain to their relationship. It was probably the easiest he'd ever felt with anyone, including Petra. Hange and him were just two weirdos. They got each other. "Look, I was just thinking if you wanted to be part of the wedding, we'd find you a place," he grumbled. Being in love with Petra really had turned him mushy; even he couldn't believe what he was saying. Hange's eyes became enormous. "I don't know, flower girl? Ring bearer? Usher? You can draw the wedding carriage with the horses? Something."
"Levi. That's…" She sniffed. Her eyes became reflective, filled with tears. She threw her arms around him and squeezed the shit out of him. Levi cursed. "You m-made me so happy!" she bawled.
Fuck. That was the one part of drinking he didn't like no matter what: the sudden crying.
"You're uninvited from the wedding if you don't get the fuck off me right now."
Hange did that, straightening him and wiping her running nose on her sleeve as she did. It made Levi want to run away screaming. He hated when she did that. Finally, Erwin returned bearing a round of drinks. He was humming some jolly tune and grinning like an idiot. Maybe he'd gotten a date with the cute barmaid. Hey, everyone ought to get their rocks off one last time before Shiganshina.
"Here." Erwin scooted in beside Hange and passed around their drinks. He toasted. "To Petra Ral and Levi Ackerman. May you have a long and happy life together."
He almost wished Erwin hadn't said that. It felt too much like daring fate to fuck it up. But he clinked and drank. Levi could feel his bladder starting to swell. He'd need to take a long piss soon. Blearily, he checked the clock on the wall and saw it was half til midnight. Shit. Petra would probably be asleep by now, and he'd wanted to talk to her after the little shitshow at dinner. Make sure she was okay. But she was probably fine. Either that, or she was in jail for murdering Willem, and having that surly bitch dead would be some kind of silver lining.
"Where to next?" Hange slurred.
"We all gotta be at work tomorrow," Levi snapped.
Erwin nodded. "It's true."
So this'd be their last round. Thank fuck. One more drink, some water, a piss, and then stumbling home to his bed and his girl. There'd been worse nights.
"Captain? Squad Leader? Commander?"
A boy with a long horse's face and beady little eyes was standing next to their table all of a sudden. He gaped, like three adults drinking in a bar was some secret cult meeting.
"Jean?" Levi grunted. Two, then three more figures crowded behind the kid. "Connie? Sasha?" The two goofy brats of course would be in a bar at this hour. He was gonna rattle their asses for them. But there was also a wispy little blond kid who looked a lot like— "Armin?"
"Uh. H'lo, Captain Levi." The kid looked like he was starting to sweat. The gaggle of fifteen-year-olds just stood at the table staring at them like the adults were animals in a fucking zoo.
"It's almost midnight," Levi snapped. "What the fuck're you all doing out?"
"Commander. Sir. I'm so sorry…" Jean began babbling. Figured. The kid was a weasel, but he wanted Erwin to see his weasely potential. Promote him. Then he could someday be Commander when Erwin stepped down and eventually tear Mikasa away from Eren. Levi could read the kid with a single glance; wasn't hard.
But Kirschtein wasn't a bad guy, and the others were good brats. Armin especially.
"We get it," Levi grunted at Jean. "You wanted a beer. Who doesn't? But you." He jerked a thumb at Armin. "Where're Eren and Mikasa?"
"Um. They didn't want to come." Armin was normally glued to their hips, particularly Eren's, so it was kind of a mystery. Jean leapt in and cleared the whole thing up.
"I told Armin a while ago he was creepy 'cause he never left Eren alone, so we're getting him his first beer in town without the suicidal maniac." The way Jean's voice got louder, plus the flush of his cheeks, suggested that the kid had already had a couple.
"W-We were just keeping an eye on 'em, Commander." Connie looked about to pass out. Sasha gulped loudly.
"Y-Yeah. We're the most mature ones in our squad! Everyone says so!"
Hange looked like she drunkenly pitied them for giving such a bald-faced lie.
"Captain, why are you here?" Armin's face went red. "N-Not that you can't be, of course…"
"It's Levi's bachelor party." Hange flung her arms apart in dramatic emphasis, the exact thing Levi hadn't wanted her to do. The kids all gasped and cheered and congratulated him, which made him want to fucking die.
"That's great! That's so great!" Sasha shouted. She pumped her fists in the air. "When's the wedding? Is there gonna be cake? Is there, Captain?"
"Excuse me, all of you." Erwin lifted a hand, and the kids instantly fell silent. Thank fuck. The Commander shook his head. "This is a rather adult celebration, and we're now wrapping up. I'd advise all of you to finish your last drinks and head back to the barracks."
Finally, fucking sanity. The kids all nodded, looking chastened.
"Anyone want to join in the last round?" Hange grinned, and the kids enthusiastically said yes. Levi rubbed his temples. Just what he needed. A bunch of adolescents drunkenly shouting at him.
Whatever. It was the last drink of the night. Twenty more minutes.
It was two hours later and Levi was going to die. They were in some kind of piano bar, or at least a bar with a piano in it, and Kirschtein was standing on top of the piano singing a really fucking loud song. Somewhere over the course of the night, he'd unbuttoned his shirt to his navel and his military jacket was gone. Connie and Sasha were having a drinking contest at the bar, one that Connie was losing as he slumped to the floor, splashing the stein of beer all over his face. Hange had taken one of her shoes off and was dancing around with it held above her head.
Wait. That was Levi's shoe. Fuck. His foot was cold again, and his head hurt.
Where was Erwin?
"Captain?" Armin was standing at Levi's side, regarding him with those wide scared-rabbit blue eyes of his. "Should we go home now?"
"Yes. Then when we get home, I need you to put Hange and Jean in the titan killing machine and mash them the fuck up," he growled.
"Um. O-Okay, sir."
"Get my shoe from Hange. I'm too drunk to move." He glared at Armin as the kid negotiated the room of drunkass people to get to the squad leader. At one thirty in the morning, only the most hardcore drinkers in Trost would still be at the taverns. Levi needed some water. He realized he'd taken a piss some time ago, since he was fine now. He hoped with everything he had or ever would have that he hadn't relieved himself against a wall. He may've been a murderous underground thug at one point, but he'd always had his dignity.
"Look at 'em," some guy said to his left. Levi wavered as he stared at the fellow, some guy with a thick mustache and a scowl. "Survey Corps? Puh. Getting drunk on our taxes."
Levi wanted to tell him to fuck off, but he forgot the word for 'fuck.' Also, the guy had a point. This was embarrassing to the Survey Corps, to the military, to Erwin, to everything. This was Kirschtein's fault. And Hange's.
"Here, sir." Armin appeared and handed Levi the shoe. Levi sighed in relief as he slid it on.
"Let's go." He staggered for the exit, Armin tailing him. They pushed out the swinging tavern doors and into the crisp night air. After the sweaty atmosphere and stench of ale inside, this was fucking paradise. Levi gazed up at the bright stripe of stars running across the sky. Hange had told him once that was a galaxy; whatever that meant. Levi tromped over to sit on a nearby bench, and Armin joined him. Levi liked the kid. He didn't have a big rush of emotions for Armin the way he did for Eren or Mikasa, it was true. Erwin understood people like Armin better than Levi ever could. Like the Commander, Armin was a visionary, a dreamer. He was also soft, almost dangerously so. The time he'd spent on Levi's squad during the uprising had almost broken the kid.
It'd made Levi feel kind of bad, honestly. He was used to stone cold killers. Armin had committed his first murder under Levi's charge. He hadn't known the woman he'd killed, and she'd been prepared to kill Jean, but that hadn't stopped the boy from sobbing his heart out over shooting her. Levi realized he hadn't understood that level of emotion. Sadness, sure. Self disgust, yeah. But grief? He hadn't felt grief over an enemy. Not ever.
Made him realize he was more busted than he'd imagined.
"Thanks for getting my shoe, Armin," he said. The young boy brightened. Always glad to be useful, that one.
"Congratulations on getting married, sir. Petra's a really wonderful person." He sounded genuinely happy. He meant it. Well, he was right. Petra was a wonderful person. Levi had more than he could ever have deserved. "Mikasa's very excited about the baby."
"Is she?" That was a genuine surprise. Kid didn't have the time of day for him when they weren't on duty.
"She's happy she'll have another cousin."
Well, made sense. Mikasa was all about family, and you could see she liked brats. Levi had always thought that the girl would've been just as happy not being a soldier. If Shiganshina hadn't been hit, if the titans had never made the war personal, she likely would've lived her life on the sidelines. Probably got married, had a couple kids. Normal girl. Normal life. She wanted all the stuff that Levi had never expected to want.
It made him feel weirdly better, in a way. He told himself Mikasa would survive whatever waited for them in Shiganshina. Even if Levi died, Petra and the kid would have a member of the Ackerman family to look after them. Mikasa wouldn't have to be asked to do this. She'd do it instinctively.
Levi was a lucky bastard. He didn't deserve his luck.
"How're you doing?" Levi asked quietly. Armin didn't have to ask what he meant, or why. He gazed up at the stars.
"I'm ready for Shiganshina," he said quietly.
"Your hometown, right?"
"Mmm. It's strange. I know the mission's important, and dangerous, but I'm a little excited to go. Even though I know the danger's so high, I want to see my old streets again." He looked at his hands. "I guess I've missed it," he said.
Kid was too gentle for this life. Yet he'd survived up until now. That took luck, sure, and surrounding himself with strong friends didn't hurt. But Armin had something in him that kept him alive, and it couldn't just be luck.
Levi never got many chances to talk one on one with the kid. He was a nice kid.
"I hope it goes right for you," Levi said, and meant it. "It's your hometown, after all. You should take it back."
"We will." The kid looked nervous, but honest. "Eren will. Mikasa, too."
Armin hadn't mentioned himself. Levi was going to bring it up, when someone shuffled out of the darkened alleyway.
"Levi. I've made an incalculable error," Erwin said. He said incalculable like 'incaluweebul', so he was probably right. Levi'd never seen the man this disheveled before. Erwin'd had the presence of mind to hide in the dark and wait until he could walk and talk at the same time. Good man. "Oh! Arlert. Hello."
Erwin stiffened when he saw the kid. Still wanted to maintain his air of mystery for the brats. Armin jumped to his feet.
"Commander. Um, I'm sorry we forced our way into your party."
"Honestly, I can't remember when I last felt this uninhibited." Uninhibideed. Yep, Erwin was drunk. Levi stood and was at Erwin's side in a second.
"Armin. Go deal with the others and Hange. We're heading back to the barracks."
"Yes, sir." Armin saluted them, then retreated into the tavern. Erwin watched the doors swing as the kid entered the bar.
"He's a good kid," Levi said as they stumbled away.
"Mmm. He's got great potential," Erwin said. He seemed lost in his thoughts. "Reminds me of myself, I suppose."
"You were never a wimp. No offense to the kid."
"Well, you haven't always known me." Erwin smiled gently. "I was thinking more the excitement. The hope."
"Whaddya mean? You're the most hopeful bastard alive," Levi said. Erwin said nothing in response. They shambled through the nighttime streets until they saw the lights of the barracks up ahead.
"Levi." Erwin stopped them near the door. "It's not my place, but I wanted to tell you something."
"Huh? What?"
Erwin grasped Levi by the shoulders, both to steady himself and to look the captain in the eye.
"I know why you're afraid to be a father." He wavered a bit, but stayed on his feet. "I know that you're afraid to lose everything, and you have a right to fear that. But…"
For a weird second Levi thought he saw the shine of tears in the man's eyes, but then sensibly passed that off as bleariness from drinking too much.
"But?" he asked.
"But there are so many out there who would kill for the chance at the happiness you have. Please. Don't dismiss it. Don't hate the child."
"I…" He was taken aback. "Fuck, Erwin. Don't hate it. Just don't want it."
He didn't, and he wasn't going to lie about that. Not for Petra, and not for Erwin.
Erwin nodded, then released Levi and walked slowly up the steps and through the barracks doors. Levi stood there until he was certain he could move without stumbling into something. Then he went home.
She awoke to an intruder on the floor of their chamber. Petra bolted upright in bed, going from bewildered to bold in a second. She reached for the book she'd been reading, ready to chuck it at the unknown man now on his hands and knees as he…
Scrubbed their floor. Oh. Fuck.
"Levi!" She put the book down and got out of bed. Her lover kept scrubbing away, paying attention to one specific spot with almost insane focus. Petra knelt beside him and shook his shoulder. "Levi. What…?"
"Hmmf?" He stopped and looked her in the face. She'd never seen him like this. His features appeared almost haggard, the bags under his eyes more swollen than usual. And he smelled like…
An entire tavern. Oh. God.
"Are you…drunk?" she whispered.
"Hange's fault. Imma kill," he said, then immediately went back to cleaning. Petra checked the clock on the wall. Two in the morning. Oh no. "I was fine 'til I got back, um, to the room and then, just…real drunk."
Probably the amount of booze he'd drunk and how tired he was had suddenly collided.
"Baby." She kissed his temple. Levi stopped cleaning at once. Good, she still held more fascination for him than cleaning did. Only by a hair, but… "Baby, the floor is fine. Let's get you to bed."
"I'm sorry. Left you with Willfuck. Hange said bachelor party. Hic. FuckWill."
"Yes, fuck him. Don't worry, everyone was on your side." Gently, she took the brush and rag from him and put them away. Levi clutched for them once, like a child needing its comfort blanket. She kissed his nose, and he sighed. "How did they even get you drunk?"
"Science," he whispered hoarsely. Yes, that sounded like Hange. Gently, Petra helped Levi slide out of his jacket. She hung it up, then turned to find him with only one shoe off. She didn't know where he'd put it, and had to search until she found it under the bed. Petra then gently coaxed Levi to sit, and took off his other boot, his socks, and his trousers while he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. Soon, he was naked except for his underwear. He sat on the bed blinking at her, his black hair mussed, his lips in a pout. He looked like a small, grumpy owl with his blinking, and Petra giggled. She kissed him; he really did taste like gin and beer. "Sleepy," he muttered.
"I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're probably going to have your first hangover tomorrow." She took a teacup, filled it with water, and gave it to him. "Drink three of these. They'll help."
Levi drank three cups of water, then, with Petra's help, he stood and washed himself for the evening. Petra helped towel off his hair when he couldn't get coordinated enough. She kept giggling throughout, and when he was clean and watered she guided him to bed.
"Kill Hange," he grumbled, yanking the covers back and jerkily getting into bed. Petra smiled, shaking her head as she put her book back on the shelf and slid in beside him. Levi kept muttering nonsense words while she helped him lie down. Once horizontal, he settled a bit. His eyelids drooped. Petra smiled as she looked at him in the candlelight. Whenever he had all his clothes off, she had to marvel all over again. There wasn't an ounce of fat on the man's body. His lean, densely muscled figure was sheer poetry when undraped. If Petra hadn't been so tired, and if he hadn't been entirely too drunk, a little play before sleep would've been nice. With a sigh, she kissed his cheek.
Levi yanked her to him, snuggling her against his body. Petra kissed his nose and his eyes and his cheeks while he made happy little grunting noises.
"Told 'em. I love you," he growled.
"I love you," she whispered, nuzzling his cheek. Poor man. He was going to be miserable tomorrow. She knew him. If the hangover didn't hurt him, the shame of being so uninhibited would. She'd pretend she hadn't found him cleaning the floor.
"Petra." He shut his eyes. "You'll be…good mother."
She smiled, blew out the candle, and cuddled close to him. Soon, his breathing deepened and steadied as he fell into a deep sleep. She lay there with his naked body warm in her arms, enjoyed the soft rise and fall of his chest as he dreamed.
Petra had to bite her lip to stifle the sobs. Tears crept down her cheeks as she kissed his temple again and held him close. Four days to Shiganshina. Four days until she might lose him forever. In a way, even if it meant her almost certain death, it would have been easier to go on the mission. She didn't fear death half as much as she feared life without him.
Please, she prayed to the goddesses or to whoever would listen to her. Please, for the baby's sake. Let him come home safe.
But Petra had seen enough grieving parents and widows in her time. She knew that the gods did not play favorites.
She had known loss, and she could always know it again.