She hadn't slept well at all, and was relieved when dawn finally lightened the window. Petra slipped out of bed, tied on her robe, and walked the empty halls to the barracks showers. Normally at this time of day there'd be shouts and laughter, the younger soldiers messing around on their way to breakfast or to clean up. Petra stepped into the wooden stalls and undressed quickly. It was silent as a tomb in here.
Bad choice of words.
She shivered as she yanked the chain, and the water rained down. She couldn't spend a lot of time luxuriating here, since water wasn't cheap. Most days you had three minutes and that was it. Today, because she was the sole occupant, she gave herself five.
Petra leaned a hand against the brick wall as the water drummed her back and plastered her hair to her face. Her stomach gurgled, and she winced when she fell to her knees and threw up. At least the shower washed it all away quickly, but Petra laid a hand to her cramping stomach. Ugh, the tension was killing her. She stood back up on shaking knees, turned off the water, toweled herself dry, and then returned to her room to dress properly.
She did as she'd promised Levi and put on the blue dress again. By now, the sun was getting up into the sky, and yellow rectangles of light stretched across her floor. Dust motes danced in the beams. Petra combed out her hair. She listened to the silence, and then the occasional note of birdsong outside.
Today people in the walls were going about their lives, haggling over groceries, raising children, plowing fields and opening shops. While they performed their normal routines, men and women were just approaching Shiganshina to seal the wall and take back their territory. Petra was well aware of what would happen if Erwin and the others did not succeed: humanity would have to make a choice between starting to kill one another and slowly starving to death.
Why are they doing this to us?
Petra had asked Levi that one night, and he'd shrugged and said he couldn't know. That was Erwin's job, or Hange's, figuring out the why. He was just a soldier. He did what he needed to do to fix the problem, and left the theory to smarter people.
That was the thing about Levi: he was the most extraordinary yet utterly ordinary man. Erwin… Petra sighed. For all his faults, many of which she'd only just seen, Erwin Smith was a visionary. He had been set apart from others, the same as Hange had. Their brains, their ideas, those made them unique. Levi had been born with a bloodline that gave him extraordinary physical abilities, true, but his tastes and basic desires were so normal. He and Mikasa were similar. If Levi had been raised on the surface, with a normal family, he and Mikasa would probably have been just alike. He liked clean houses and tea times and schedules. Those were his natural instincts. Everything about Levi that was odd had all come about because of odd pressures applied to him as a child.
Levi was like a shopkeeper forced to become a thug lord. The contradiction was one of the things Petra found, frankly, most adorable about him.
And now he was…in Shiganshina. Petra glanced out the window again. Yes, the sun was climbing high. It had to be almost eight o clock, which was around the time Hange had calculated they'd arrive. So. It was starting. No turning back now.
Petra did as she'd promised Levi. She boiled two eggs, toasted some bread, and brewed her tea from Mitras. She sat in the empty dining hall and ate her breakfast. Even her chewing sounded loud here. Petra knew that Zackley and the others would be waiting for the news upstairs. She could join them, but she felt odd. They all knew her reason for remaining. They knew she was pregnant, and she swore Zackley had been giving her looks that ranged between contemptuous and flat out dirty. She didn't want to punch the high commander of the military in his stupid face, so she tried to avoid him when she could. Not to mention if the rumors about that…machine of his were true, Petra didn't want to spend time picking through the man's brain. At least Pixis was there; the man was eccentric, but kind.
Petra chewed slowly as she looked at the multiple tables, the empty benches. About a hundred souls had ridden away from her yesterday. Petra's stomach lurched as she remembered that not all of them would come back. Every time there was an expedition, she looked at her comrades and wondered which of them was going to die. In her three years with the Corps, Petra could count on one hand the times they'd gone beyond the walls and suffered no casualties. And Shiganshina…
There was no way they were all coming home. She hoped that Eren, Mikasa, and Armin would at least return. She was fond of the kids, and after listening to them last night she found she couldn't bear the thought of anything tearing apart that connection.
And Levi…
She couldn't think about it. She could only sip her tea, close her eyes, and try to picture him.
Easy, girl. Steady. His horse did not disappoint; she never did. Levi stood on the saddle as they galloped towards the city gates. Taking a deep breath, he timed it perfectly, shot his hooks, and took off into the air.
It was starting. Levi felt the tug beneath his ribs, same as he'd feel the tug of his ODM cables. Whatever this was, it was starting.
Defeat or victory. Life or death. Only two options now. Levi liked it when things were simple.
He soared into the air and could see the city spread out below. Far in the distance, he could see the exploded gate, through which Bertholdt had shoved that colossal foot of his. Levi saw church towers that had toppled, boulders scattered throughout the city like normal debris. Houses that had been crushed. The shattered remnants of toys and furniture, of people's lives. All those lives, snuffed out.
Those bastards. Those shitty bastards. So what if they'd been literal children when they did this? Fuck, how had literal children done this? Who was behind them? Who was the enemy?
Focus. Calm.
Petra should be sitting at a table in her blue dress now, eating breakfast. The sunlight would turn her hair to fire. Good. He felt better.
Levi started running along the wall to get into position, and he saw Eren Jaeger just standing there staring out at his old hometown. The kid looked lost, his mouth agape. Levi understood; he didn't blame the kid. He might've done the same if it were his hometown, and if he had even the slightest fond feeling for it. But they had a job to do.
"Don't stop!" Levi shouted at the brat. "Get to the outer gate!"
The kid startled and took off. Good. As Levi sped across the wall, he felt that prickle of unease against his scalp. It wasn't right. Something wasn't right. It…
The titans.
Where the fuck were they?
There'd been none as they entered the city. None remained toddling through the streets. It was quiet as hell in here. While Levi would've liked to think that it was just pure luck, that the titans had eaten all the people and moved on into the rest of the territory, he knew titans well enough to know that wasn't possible. Titans didn't need to hunt. They just existed. They hung around, waiting for some action to pick up. There should be titans in Shiganshina. He landed beside Hange.
"How?" She gaped. "There isn't a single titan in the area."
No shit. Levi sighed.
"We played right into the enemy's hands," he grumbled. It was true. If there'd been some titans just ambling around, he might've believed this would be a simple trip. Fix the gates, go home. But this area had been deliberately cleared. The battlefield had been set.
It was going to be a long, bloody day.
Right now, Petra'll be drinking her tea and thinking about a walk through town.
It gave him some clarity. It calmed him. Fuck, if she'd been here right now he'd have been out of his skin with worry. The baby was good for one thing at least.
"We have to press on," Hange said. She was right.
Levi turned as a flash appeared. He wasn't afraid. He knew it'd be Eren. And he knew Eren was closing the front gate.
Hopefully the whole day would be this easy…but he knew it wouldn't.
Petra had thought she'd sit in her room all day and read, but she couldn't look at that book any longer. Just the sight of it made her remember Erwin kissing her.
She walked through the streets, hands in her pockets. She couldn't believe he'd done that. That is, she could believe he'd been in pain and exhausted and desperate; she felt sorry for him in that way. But he was the commander; he was Levi's friend; he was such a good, steady man…
Did we ever really know him?
Yes. Petra shook her head. Erwin Smith was a strange man, a secretive man, but he was a good man. He'd saved humanity again and again. He'd…
He'd potentially saved Levi's life. Petra sat down on a bench, feeling the ground spin. Erwin had known Levi would leap into danger to save his squad. Erwin had known that Levi leaping at the female titan could get him killed.
Erwin had condemned Nifa, Eld, Gunther, and Oruo to death for Levi's sake. Because Levi was the best. Because he was Humanity's Strongest. Because he was worth a hundred soldiers.
Because Erwin loved the captain.
Erwin hadn't meant to save Levi for Petra's sake, but she was fervently glad he had done it. If Levi had died as well…Petra might have simply crumpled to the ground and never gotten up. She couldn't have lost the guys, Oruo, Nifa, and Levi in the same instant.
She owed Erwin Smith everything. In return, in a moment of weakness, he'd kissed her. Maybe that in itself wouldn't have upset her so much—she hadn't wanted it, but she could've understood it as a clumsy moment. But he'd deliberately ruined her wedding. Why? Was it simply because he couldn't stand Levi's happiness when he, Erwin, was so obviously miserable?
Her stomach tightened. She laid a hand to it, soothed the baby.
Yesterday, she'd seen a broken man. A drowning man clutching at her like a tree branch suspended over the river. Couldn't she forgive him?
At the very least, it was good she hadn't told Levi. Petra wiped sweat from her forehead. It was too hot out here. She ought to visit Brigitta, then go back to the barracks.
She got to her feet, wishing the day would pass. Wishing that it wouldn't. The longer they spent there, the better the chance something would happen.
Erwin watched his soldiers on the wall, tapping and tapping, hunting for Reiner and Bertholdt.
The wall inspection had been Armin's idea. Erwin felt a certain type of pride when talking to the boy. If he'd had a son, he would have liked it to be like Armin. Sensitive but sharp, observant and wonderfully logical, yet also a visionary. In another life, maybe Erwin would have liked to be someone like Armin. Someone with dreams. Someone without pain.
Enough of this. He scanned the city streets, looking for any sign of the two boys. Wondering if that beast titan thing was going to arrive.
Erwin hadn't seen it yet. The idea of it actually gave him nightmares. He did and didn't want it to appear.
Also…the beast titan's footprints had been found near Mike's body. Rather, what little had remained of Mike's body. Erwin remembered when it was confirmed Mike had died. Erwin had been out of it for a while after losing his arm, and then there'd been the uprising, but soon after that he, Levi, and Hange had all sat around Erwin's table silently drinking. They'd stayed together all night, barely saying a word. It had been a silent memorial for the fourth corner of their particular square.
The fuckers, Levi had said. Erwin knew what he meant. The fuckers, the titans had killed Mike Zacharias. The second strongest man alive. How? And how dangerous was this world?
Erwin wished to hell Mike were here now, and Nanaba. Why had almost all of his best soldiers been killed?
Because you gambled their lives away.
He shut that voice out and kept watch on top of the wall. Besides, not all of his best were dead. Levi and Mikasa were still here. Hange. And Petra…was home.
He hated to do it, but he thought of her again in that blue dress, watching them with wondering eyes as they left. Watching Levi.
Was it just Erwin's fate to be attracted to the women his best friends loved? Perhaps it was pathological.
Levi shot by on his cables, touched down on the wall, and ran past Erwin. He was utterly absorbed in his mission now. The sight of him in motion gave Erwin tremendous peace. If Levi was on the move, they had a chance.
It was why Erwin had sacrificed Levi's entire squad back in the forest. It was why, as shaken as he'd been to hear Petra sob for them, he'd do it again in a heartbeat. Anything to preserve Levi.
I'd have killed you too, Petra. I need him. Humanity needs him.
Grimly, Erwin thought how he couldn't much tell himself and humanity apart anymore.
"Here!"
A flare erupted. Erwin's heart picked up pace. One of the soldiers was hanging by the wall, clanking his sword against it.
"There's a hollow spot here!"
Then, as the Corps watched, part of the wall…shifted away. Reiner Braun emerged…and stabbed the soldier through the stomach.
Erwin felt time freeze as the young man, Reiner, glared up at his former teammates with such fuming hatred.
And there it was. The first fatality. Erwin's dream of a quick, easy day had ended. Though even now, horrible as it was, this murder was better than waiting. The longer they waited, the more time the enemy had to prepare.
Armin Arlert made a horrified noise, confronted with his old "friend" again. Reiner, the beefiest, burliest sixteen-year-old Erwin had yet seen, glared up at the boy. At the Survey Corps.
And then, sleek as lightning, Levi shot down the wall and stabbed Reiner deep in the throat.
Incredible. Erwin hadn't even seen him start to move. Levi was brutal poetry, his every movement slick and dreadfully certain. Pride flared inside of Erwin.
My captain. My soldier. My friend.
A pleasant fiction; he knew Levi would despise the real him. But it was nice to pretend.
Levi chased Reiner down the wall as the boy fell. Erwin held his breath. No way anyone could survive this, not even a titan shifter. Levi had all but severed the head. Erwin walked to the edge, looked down, and saw Levi and Armin hanging from their cables, Reiner's body lying on the ground—
"Dammit!" Levi wailed. And Erwin knew, grimly, it was not a fatality.
Erwin startled when a hot flash of light erupted below them. The armored titan lay upon its back.
It's all right. We've found one of them.
Erwin flung out his arm. "Check all around! Capture any other enemies and—"
BOOM.
It was as if someone had set off dozens of fireworks behind him. So many transformations that they created a wind Erwin felt on the back of his neck.
He knew what he'd find when he turned. Hundreds of yards away, it emerged.
There it was. The beast.
It resembled some horrorshow combination of an ape and a man, only taller than either should ever be. And around it stood a small army of titans.
Erwin thought again of those people in Ragako village. Transformed into monsters.
How are you doing this? Who is the enemy?
Erwin watched, numb, as the beast titan hoisted up a boulder the size of the one that now plugged Trost district. He was stupefied when the monster launched the boulder with nearly the same great speed as a bullet traveling from a gun. Amazing. What an arm…
Erwin watched as the boulder smashed into the gate, blocking their escape. Trapping them. The beast and his cohorts would come for them, pick them off one by one.
Erwin could have smiled. He swore the monster, far away as it was, smiled as well. This was it. The end.
Death or the basement. Which would be nicer?
"Let's finish this," Erwin said to his soldiers.
"Are you listening to me?" Brigitta sounded irritated.
No. Petra wasn't. She was standing here staring at a small carton of blackberries. Brigitta had picked up some potatoes for dinner, and was chatting to Petra about how she should come tonight and bring Levi when he returned home from the survey. Except that there was no way Levi would be home for dinner, and she had no idea when or if he'd be home at all.
So she stood there, thinking about what was going on in Shiganshina right now, and not listening to her sister.
"Huh?" Petra blinked. Brigitta rolled her eyes.
"I know you wish you could be with them, but it's just a standard mission. Levi will be fine."
Apparently news in Trost hadn't traveled that fast. Either that, or Edvard hadn't told her.
Well, why not? If Flegel Reeves knew, her sister could know.
"I need to tell you something." Petra picked up the carton of blackberries. When she went for her purse, the stallkeeper put out his hand.
"Y-You're Survey Corps, right?" he asked. It wasn't unusual for them to be identified by sight, especially not these days. Petra nodded warily. "That's on the house. For what you're all doing."
Brigitta looked confused. Normally, the Corps was met with polite scorn, even after the uprising. Petra guessed this man had been part of the cheering crowd yesterday afternoon.
"Um. Really?" Brigitta asked. Petra didn't feel like arguing, so she took the berries with thanks.
"I need to tell you what's really going on," Petra said quietly. Her stomach cramped.
Petra had been right. They were going for the horses. In fairness, Erwin had acknowledged the possibility, but she'd been so certain.
Petra. I wish you were here. I'm glad you're not.
Erwin thought and thought as the armored titan climbed the wall behind them, as the ring of titans glared up at them. No way out. Total annihilation.
Not yet. He had to save his soldiers. He had to see the basement.
He had to save them.
The basement.
Erwin took a sharp breath.
"You ready to talk? I coulda had breakfast during the wait," Levi muttered.
Erwin gave the orders: Squads Dirk and Marlena to the inner gate, Squads Levi and Hange to the armored titan. But as Levi started to head off, along with Armin, Erwin stopped them. He had a leadership assignment for Armin, but for Levi…
"Protect the horses," he said. Levi understandably looked a bit baffled. Petra would be happy; it was her idea.
"I need to protect the horses, not Eren?"
"Yes." Because they needed a strong deterrent, and… "You're the only person I can trust," Erwin said, pointing with his sword, "to kill that." The beast titan. It sat there in utter calm, grinning at Erwin with those horrible ape teeth. Why was the thing so frightening to look at? The fur, or the fangs?
No. The intelligence in those glassy red eyes. Erwin did not know why, but he got the shuddering impression that this beast thing was as smart as he. Perhaps smarter.
"Understood," Levi said gruffly. "I'll make up for failing with the armored brat earlier. I'll take that beast's head off its body."
He raced away, leaving only a nervous Armin Arlert behind.
"Sir?" Armin said.
The boy was only fifteen, and entirely too gentle. But there was something in the depths of his eyes that Erwin could read as extraordinary. High risk, assigning seniority to one this young. But also, high reward.
At least they have you, Armin, he thought. They'll all need you. Why he thought that, he could not say.
God, these brats were going to get themselves killed.
Levi spun and sliced down a shortass titan while the kids squealed in terror. Fuck, if this'd been only a couple months ago, if he'd had Eld and Gunther and Oruo on his side, and Nifa and Nanaba and Mike, they might've handled this a lot better. They might've stood a real chance.
Fuck the past. Move forward.
"Kill the runts now!" he barked to the stupefied children on the ground. "Hurry, before the beast makes a move. And don't you dare die!"
"Yes, sir!" they chorused. Tch.
The weak died so fast, didn't they? Levi glared up at the small speck on the wall that was Erwin. They were both strong, weren't they? Made sense, then, why they were still alive. Weak usually meant good. Him and Erwin, they were strong men.
Levi glared.
Erwin remembered the time Levi had tried to kill him. He thought of it as he gazed down at the speck on the roof that was Levi.
It was just after Furlan and Isabel had died. Mad with grief and rage, Levi had attacked him. And Erwin had lied to the man. Asked Levi to dedicate his heart to the cause. To destroy the monsters that had taken his family away.
He remembered the look of wondering awe that had stolen over Levi's face that day, and in that moment Erwin had thought he is mine now.
I lied to him. I used their deaths to make him follow me.
Erwin had lied to all of them. He saw it now. Could accept it. He'd slaughtered his friends, Levi's friends, Petra's friends, Mike, Nanaba, everyone.
He'd acted in the uprising not out of a sense of patriotism or fear for the people, but so he himself would not die at the end of a rope. Zackley himself had said it. And Zackley, disgusting pig though he was, was right.
Erwin looked off the edge of the wall, but this time he saw no endless drop. He saw a mountain of corpses. And directly beneath his boot, Mike and Nanaba, looking up in quiet judgment.
His mind should be with his comrades, and his plans and fear for them.
Instead, he thought, The basement. Even if all hope is lost, maybe I can run to Eren's house and break into the basement. Even if it's my last action… Even if it doesn't help humanity at all…
Erwin knew then what kind of man he was, and that he wasn't worth saving.
When he heard the thunder spears go off, he didn't flinch.
When eventually Bertholdt landed in Shiganshina proper and exploded into his colossal titan form, Erwin could not be shocked or afraid. He had passed beyond fear now. He had only misery.
How many comrades did I just lose? The thought dazed him. Hange had been down there…
One of his best friends, and he was too shocked to feel.
Erwin looked to the grinning beast titan out in that open field.
"So. Is it all going according to your plan?" he croaked.
Levi breathed heavily, wiping down his face as he stood atop the roof and gazed at that fucking beast titan piece of shit in the distance. As he caught his breath, Dirk arrived.
"Got my side," Dirk said. "We're cleaning up, but how are we supposed to take down that titan?"
Fucker wouldn't come at them. It just liked sitting there on its ass.
"We got a coward here," Levi grumbled. "Never grew a set of balls." Dirk told him to rest and flew off. Levi took the moment to glance back at the wall, and the pillar of smoke rising from behind it.
Bertholdt had exploded, but not right away. Had Hange and the others…?
Fuck this. He was going to lose a lot today, but he wasn't going to lose his best friend. One of his two best friends, that is, the one whose motives he never needed to guess. Levi debated whether or not to head back to the wall when the world around him exploded.
Mere bullets couldn't do this kind of damage. It was like cannon fire, but on a massive scale. The bell tower behind him shattered with a brassy clang. Levi winced as the debris—shards of rock hurtling at a murderous velocity—miraculously avoided him. Only some smaller pebbles struck, and those were painful as shit. Levi winced, and ahead he saw…
Mists of blood. The air was filled with red vapor.
Dirk. He'd literally spoken to him thirty seconds ago and—
"You guys!" Levi screamed, leaping into the air and taking off. Levi's heart was thunder in his ears. Ahead, he could see it, that beast piece of shit picking up another boulder and grinding it to pebbles. Readying to hurl it at them again; it was like a million rifles going off in their faces at once.
And he heard…that thing talking to itself. The grumble came across the bloody field. Levi couldn't make it all out, but he was pretty sure he caught the words perfect game in there.
Game. Fucking game.
If there was even one person alive, even if they were maimed beyond being helpful, he'd drag them out. He'd get them out of there. They didn't deserve to die like this. As awful as Annie Fucking Leonhardt had been, as much as she'd played with her prey like some evil fucking cat, she'd only wiped out a few of them at a time. This beast was killing tens of them in a single instant. Without breaking a sweat. What was this fucking…?
What'd you do to Mike, you fucker?
Levi heard someone up ahead, someone groaning. He could get to them. Save them. He…
Couldn't.
The hail of rocks came at them again, and Levi had to kill his engine and fall into an alley between houses for shelter. He smelled blood, the spray of it when the rocks hit his comrades. Whoever had been alive was now beyond saving.
Erwin, I'm going to kill that beast piece of shit somehow. Thank you for ordering me to do it.
So many of them had been kids. Most only fifteen. Levi stood there in the alley, teeth bared, trying to center himself. If Petra'd been here…
She either would've been in this spray of death, or on the other side of the wall with the colossal and armored. Thank fuck for that stupid baby. It was his one mercy today.
Okay. Time to get whoever was left. Levi took off in the opposite direction, praying he had enough time to get out of range and warn the others to move the fuck back with the horses. He found the kids scrambling around. One of them, some redhead boy, was lying on the ground sobbing and shaking. Levi gripped his collar in frustration, hauling him to his feet.
"Do you want to die here? Move!" he shouted. Fuck, what was this guy's name? Flick? The kid needed to get the fuck up and—
"It's the commander!"
Erwin landed on the ground, his empty sleeve flapping ridiculously.
"How's it going over there?" Levi asked.
"Could not be worse," Erwin replied.
Oh, fuck the world. This side of the wall, the beast was blowing them all to hell. On the other side, the colossal titan was burning the shit out of everything. Even if they managed to run from both, they couldn't take the horses, which meant they were dead.
Dead. They were dead no matter what they did.
You're gonna have to raise that kid alone, Petra.
So he really had kissed her for the final time. Yesterday was the last time he would ever see her face. Levi felt a sick flutter of relief. He'd been waiting for her to die, to be taken from him, but it was the other way around. Now he was leaving her behind. It would be hard for her and the baby, but Levi was awful enough that he found solace in the fact that this time he wouldn't have to be the one to suffer loss.
Except…
If they didn't do this, if they didn't win today, Petra and the baby were going to be trapped behind the walls as these titan freaks moved in. And Levi wasn't about to allow that.
"What about Hange?" Levi grunted when Erwin was done laying out all the terrible shit against them. "Eren?"
"I don't know," Erwin said evenly. "Most of them must have been hit by the blast. Our losses are enormous."
Hange. Was she dead? Strange, after all the casualties they'd suffered recently, Levi had never imagined the gangly woman could be among them. There was something about Hange that, bizarre as she was, seemed built to last.
She's probably dead.
Levi hated these titan bitches. He hated them worse even than he'd hated Annie Leonhardt that day. Here he was, Humanity's Strongest, and all his comrades were getting knocked down around him. By this point, over half of them were dead, and it'd only been a few hours.
"As of now," Erwin said to the assembled kids, "the Survey Corps appears to consist of you recruits, Captain Levi, and me."
The kids gaped at Erwin like he'd chopped his remaining hand off and was waving it around like a puppet show.
Levi could only stare up at Erwin as the next barrage of rocks found them. The whizz of stones, the rumble of houses exploding when the projectiles hit, the screams of the kids…they faded into background noise. Levi just kept staring right in Erwin's face. The taller man regarded him with equal coolness. Neither of them was freaking out.
"Erwin," Levi said evenly. "Do you have some kind of plan?"
A plan would mean they could still stop these bastards. A plan would mean some of them would survive. A plan would mean going back to Trost and into Petra's arms.
But Erwin said nothing.
Petra woke up gasping, slick with sweat across her chest and forehead. It was so damn hot in here. She kicked the blanket away and sat up, feeling woozy. After returning from Brigitta's, the baby had demanded a nap. She'd tried, but rest had evaded her. All she could dream of was screaming, blood, and Levi hurtling into a vast abyss.
What time was it? Past noon by now. Maybe the mission was all over and they were on their way home. Maybe they'd be there by sundown tonight.
It was a nice dream that wouldn't come true.
I wish I could have kissed him just one more time. I wish I'd told him I love him one more time.
Petra poured water into the washbasin and splashed her face, toweled off, then slid back into her dress. Maybe she should go upstairs to the main floor, where the commanders would still be waiting.
When Petra had told Brigitta the full truth of what was happening, her sister had burst into tears and hugged her. I'm so glad you're pregnant, she'd whimpered. I know… I know you would've been…
Killed? Brigitta hadn't said it, but it'd been obvious.
Levi would be killed in her place. Petra felt sick at the thought, and wobbled out the door and up the stairs to the main offices. She walked the halls, watched the afternoon sunlight glow in patches across the carpeted floors.
"Petra?"
Anka came over, Pixis's aide. Petra didn't spend a lot of time with people in the Garrison, but she'd seen Anka around a few times. The taller girl smiled, looked bemused.
"I thought you'd be in Shiganshina right now."
"I would have been." Petra blushed. "I'm…a little pregnant right now."
Anka's eyebrows lifted in shock. "Oh? Whose is it? The Commander's?"
Petra felt her face grow incredibly hot.
"I'm kidding. Sorry." Anka laughed easily, and then motioned her along. "Come, tell us about it. Rico and I are having some tea. It makes a break from trying to take Commander Pixis's flask from him every five minutes. Though I suppose he's allowed a little comfort right now."
They all could use some comfort, and Petra could use some tea. She liked Anka as company, and…well, Rico was a little on the cold side, but better her than Zackley.
"Thanks." Petra walked alongside Anka, listening to the other girl's light, easy small talk. Petra, though, remained locked in her head. Even if it was all a nightmare in Shiganshina right now, even if Levi was already dead, she wished she could know. Better knowing the worst than sitting around in suspense for the rest of the day. And maybe into the next.
Levi. What's happening?
The second Eren's titan landed on the lip of the wall and laid there like a crushed bug, Levi knew they were fucked. While the kids kept screaming, he and Erwin stared at the limp titan. It would've been fucking funny if it weren't so depressing.
No time to panic, or cry. There was only one thing to do now.
Goodbye, Petra.
"Go wake Eren's ass up and ride him out of here," Levi grunted to Erwin. The commander did not react in any particular way. Levi had never seen the man so collected. Tch.
"What about you?" Erwin asked calmly.
"I'll kill the beast titan. Like you said." Levi rubbed his jaw.
"You'll die. You'll never get near him."
"Probably. But as long as you and Eren make it, there's still hope." Even though Erwin had thoroughly crushed Levi's damn spirit a couple days ago, it was undeniable that he was the real savior of humanity. Levi, for all his strength, couldn't do what Erwin and Eren could. "Do me a favor," Levi muttered. He couldn't meet Erwin's gaze. "Take care of Petra. Look after her."
Erwin stared at Levi. He seemed to be calculating something. Creepy bastard; Levi hated when he did that stony silence thing.
"Honestly, we're all probably gonna die here," Levi muttered.
"I would abandon you, go back, and look after Petra," Erwin said slowly, "if we truly had no means to counterattack."
Levi's heart gave a great leap in his chest. When Erwin got 'that look', it meant things were possible again.
"We can fight back?"
"Yes."
Levi could have hugged Erwin and also kicked the shit out of him.
"Why the fuck did you stay silent? Why the fuck do you have that shitty look on your face?" he snapped.
"If my plan succeeds, you may indeed take down the beast titan," Erwin said. He sighed, never taking his eyes from Levi's. "But the recruits and I must sacrifice our lives to make it happen."
Behind Levi, more houses exploded. He didn't hear a thing.
He had known it might come down to this, but he had not wanted it. He had searched for every possible option, every other route. Erwin had prayed to no one and begged himself to find some other method of success. But now, the path to victory was open, and deadly. Erwin would coax the last remaining troops onto the field, lead them in a suicide charge, and while that beast murdered them all Levi would come up from behind and slaughter the bastard.
Erwin would have a hero's death, leading the charge on the front line. And at the last gasp, he would die without ever knowing…
"…what's in the basement," he whispered.
Levi blinked. "Huh?"
Erwin was just…tired. He was done with the pretense, the bravado, the lies. As the recruits sobbed and shrieked, as more chaos rained down from the sky, he trudged over to a crate parked next to a wall. He sat down, felt the ache of his body as he did. Levi stood right in front of him, staring. Judging. Fine, let him judge. Let him be Erwin's judge, his jury, his executioner. Erwin had gotten Levi's friends killed, his squad killed. He'd tried taking Levi's beloved. Here at the last, Erwin deserved Levi Ackerman's scorn most of all.
See me, Levi. See the man you sacrificed for.
"I just…" Erwin sighed. "I just want to go to the basement."
Ever since Erwin had stood over his father's grave and realized that he was gone forever, ever since later that same night when he'd sobbed himself to sleep alone, eternally alone, guilty for stupidly getting Papa killed, Erwin knew that his father had been martyred for the truth. Erwin saw the selfish pigs that ran their world, and he wanted to know what they knew. Everything—Marie, a family, a place in society—it all was worthless next to this one glorious goal.
There were days when Erwin hadn't wanted to get out of bed. Where he looked ahead of him and saw only blank nothingness, gradual decline, unavoidable entropy of flesh and spirit. The only thing that had gotten him up—indeed, sometimes the only thing that had kept him from taking a dagger to his wrists—was the promise of answers. One day, he would have them. He had been kept alive on this earth, tormented and denied all forms of happiness, all for this one exquisite moment. Erwin had given everything to this basement, even before he knew there was a basement.
But being a monster, he hadn't just sacrificed himself. He'd lied to others. Manipulated them. Sacrificed them, and all so he could just know.
"Sometimes," Erwin admitted, his voice wavering lightly, "sometimes I thought it would be so much easier just to let go. Death would be kinder than this." The thought of oblivion did not scare Erwin anymore. Some feared ceasing to exist; to Erwin, existence itself was a burden. "But I couldn't stop thinking about my father's dream."
Erwin had felt like such a grown up, sitting at the kitchen table while his father laid out all his theories. Of course, it hadn't just been his father's dream; it had been the one thing that united the past to the future. So long as Erwin kept pursuing this dream, his father was still alive in some small part of him. When Erwin had been tempted to give up his crazy pursuits for Marie, he had imagined his father watching him mournfully. I see how it is, Papa's ghost had said. You murdered me, denied me my own life, and now are turning your back on me to enjoy all the things I will never have again.
Erwin couldn't do that. If he was happy, really happy, then it wasn't punishment. Erwin needed a lifetime of punishment. Of dedication to one goal: the truth. The basement.
I would have let every single member of our Corps die in front of me if it meant finding the truth of this world, Levi. Erwin lifted his one remaining hand.
"Now, after all these years," he whispered, "the answers are here. In my grasp."
Erwin could not remember when he'd last cried in front of anyone. It might have been when he was ten years old. But now—why not, after all, Levi should see the worthless man he'd dedicated his life to—now the tears welled and spilled down his cheeks.
Levi stood there, staring with those cool, half-lidded, indifferent eyes. Erwin slumped forward, his one hand reaching into the air. Reaching to grab onto something. For someone to grab onto him. But Levi did not reach for him. Levi continued to watch him, cold and aloof, and Erwin sank further into himself.
"They're all right here," he whispered. The basement was all he wanted…and he didn't even want it anymore. It was a desired obligation at this point. He didn't want anything anymore. Yesterday, he'd tasted desire, real desire, for the first time in years when he kissed Petra. Most of the time, Erwin felt like the illusion of a human being. Even when eating or fucking, he was like a flicker of a shadow inhabiting a man's body. When he'd kissed Petra, he felt like he was living in the present again. That every moment brought with it new, exciting possibilities.
Then she'd pulled away, and he'd remembered that he did not deserve it. He had shut the door on joy long ago.
"But, Levi. Can you see them?"
The ghosts had been trailing him the entire day, shambling after him with every step he took. They crowded, so dense he could scarcely see the world around him. He wondered if Levi could see his old squad. He wondered if Levi thought Erwin was crazy or not. "Our comrades are watching us. They want to know the reason they died." He felt the cold hurt of their glances. I died for this? At twenty-one? Nifa's ghost whispered. How many young people, children, had Erwin seduced to death with honeyed words over the years? He'd piled bodies on top of bodies, making his father's death just the first in an endless cycle.
The next attack struck the wall. Kids ran around them screaming hysterically. Erwin couldn't bear to look at Levi. He would see cold, furious judgment. Levi hated all avoidable death, and Erwin had poured lives down titans' throats for nothing but a selfish ambition.
I don't even want it anymore. The basement. He wanted to let go, but he himself could never. Not after all this. Not after all the murder he'd committed to get it.
"It's all nonsense, isn't it?" Erwin sniffed. The tears came back, but he was too tired to hide them. "Childish delusions. I'm not the man you thought I was. I never have been."
It was silent. Erwin could no longer bear it, and looked up. To his shock, he saw…
Levi Ackerman's eyes were full of tears.
How could I have been so fucking blind?
Levi had allowed Erwin Smith to take on the world's burden, all the while believing the man to be a god. In reality, he'd only been a man, one with the same hurts and hopes the rest of them had. Erwin must've been crying out for help all these years, and Levi had walked blindly past. Allowed the man to drown silently and alone.
Erwin Smith was greedy, yes, and uncertain. He had selfish desires that blinded him, like every other man. But now that Erwin was no longer a god, Levi realized how impressive he was as a man. For a man, only a frail, tragic man, Erwin was brilliant. Passionate. Fearless, in his way. He saw what no one else could, and not because he was divine or perfect. Because he was flawed and exceptional.
You manipulated me, didn't you? Isabel and Furlan.
Yet Levi knew—he knew in his gut—that Erwin was lying to himself a little when he said he'd killed those people just for the sake of his dream. Levi had seen Erwin sign those letters to families of the fallen. He'd seen how ashen the man looked. He'd seen Erwin himself dive in on occasion to save a recruit from being titan chow. Those long nights they'd spent in Erwin's room, talking strategies, Levi had occasionally sensed he was there to help keep Erwin's nightmares away. Erwin had been struggling under the weight of guilt and self-hatred for what? Years? The entire time Levi had known him?
Erwin had been in agony, and Levi had ignored it.
Erwin Smith had manipulated him. And he had also, strangely, never lied. Erwin was infamous for giving frightening recruitment speeches to recently graduated cadets, telling them they'd almost certainly die if they joined the Survey Corps. Made recruitment kind of a bitch, but anyone who signed up knew what they were getting. Erwin didn't trick people. Not like that. The higher ups, the powerful, sure, but not the young and the weak. He gave those people his full and sincere salute.
You don't even know yourself.
Erwin had no idea what he was. Levi knew himself deeply. Didn't much like himself, but he knew himself. With Petra's help, his mental picture had softened a little. But Erwin thought he was a monster when he was actually just a man. Because they'd made him believe he had to be a god. A man can't be a god; he'll always fall short.
Now, at the last, for the first time, Levi met Erwin Smith.
Gently, he knelt in the grass at Erwin's feet. The Commander was looking at him with shock. Wonder, maybe.
"You fought well," Levi said softly. "You're the only reason we made it this far." It was true. Shadis could never have negotiated them to this point. He could never have literally changed the world behind the walls. Erwin was brutally exceptional, and couldn't understand that about himself.
I don't want to lose you. The yellow lightning crawled from Levi to Erwin, blazing again with the word PROTECT.
I love this man, he realized. He'd always known it; but now everything had become so brilliant and clear. I'll help you, Erwin. I'll protect you.
"I'll make the choice here," Levi grunted. He blinked back the tears, then looked up into Erwin's face. "Give up on your dreams and die. Lead the recruits straight into hell." He narrowed his eyes. "And I'll kill the beast titan."
Erwin's expression changed from wariness to surprise. He tilted his chin to his chest, seemed to be tasting the sentence like wine. Slowly, a genuine smile spread across his face. It wasn't that creepy, far-seeing grin; it was happy. Erwin was, Levi realized, happy.
The Commander looked on him with a quiet joy.
"Levi," he whispered. "Thank you."
Petra's tea had gone cold a while ago. Rico and Anka were talking about something she couldn't keep track of. Honestly, she was no good in company but she didn't want to be alone.
"So." Rico turned her attention to Petra. "Who knocked you up?"
Yes, classic Rico. She was so dead-eyed and wry she gave Levi real competition as Surliest Person in the Military.
"Captain Levi," Petra said. She wasn't going to blush and stammer. In fact, she was glad of the ring Levi'd given her now; she made sure to flash it when she put a hand through her hair. "We just got married."
Rico only shrugged. "Nice. I can't imagine he's going to be much help changing diapers, though, the neat freak he is."
"The Commander will be very sorry to lose you, Petra." Anka smiled, almost coy. What the fuck was with her tone?
"Well, we'll all be pretty sorry to lose the Commander if he dies today, won't we?" She glared at Anka, who for some reason flushed and went back to her tea. Fuck this. Petra didn't want to yell at these women. They were being as kind as they knew how. She was just so worried; it felt like a fist bunched in her gut. She drained the last of her tea and stood. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I think I'm bad company right now."
"If your baby's father is running around Shiganshina, I don't blame you." It was the closest Rico came to conciliatory.
Petra left and walked down the hall, looking out the windows onto Trost as she did. The afternoon was deep by now, the rich gold of the light awash over her skin. She perched by the window, looked out towards the wall.
Please. Let there be a signal. Let them come home.
But the signal didn't come.
Erwin fired the signal when the beast began to wind up, ready to throw the next boulder.
"Now!" he shouted. Sobbing, the recruits did the same, fired their guns. The air filled with green smoke.
He'd understood. Even as Erwin charged towards the beast titan, frantic recruits sobbing beside him on horseback, he had never felt so light. Almost giddy.
Levi had understood him. Seen him. Accepted him. Forgiven him.
All in fewer than ten words. The man was a master of sullen succinctness.
I'm free. He could have laughed as he galloped ahead, his one sleeve flapping in the wind like a victorious flag. It's over. The pain is over.
Levi had set him free from his pain, and this life. For Erwin Smith, it was the most generous gift. Coward that he was, he could never end himself. Now, he had become the person he had always dreamed of being: a hero. The noble man leading his comrades into certain death so that humanity might live.
The basement was gone. He'd left it behind, back in Shiganshina. He charged straight ahead.
We won't die in vain. None of them died in vain.
Through the smoke, Erwin could see the beast preparing to throw. Levi would not make it in time to save him.
Good.
We die today so that tomorrow humanity can take the next step forward.
So that Levi can marry Petra. So that their child has a chance to live in a kinder world.
I'm sorry, Petra. I see now how cruel I was. But I'll keep my promise. Levi will kill the beast titan and come back to you.
He thought of Petra with sunlight in her hair, sheltering a baby in the crook of her arm. Levi beside her, the three a perfect picture.
Let it be my wedding present to you.
Because it's the only way…to fight against a cruel world.
"Rage, my soldiers!"
The beast was ready to unleash the stones.
"Scream, my soldiers!"
He couldn't hear their cries of terror anymore. There was only the pound of the horses' hooves and the beat of his heart.
The beast threw the stones.
"Fight, my soldiers!" Erwin bellowed as a projectile tore through the side of his body, ripping his skin open, shredding his organs.
Oh. This is it.
Erwin felt the horse collapse beneath him as he hurtled to the ground. The pain was brief and blinding, but then immediately dulled as he sank into oblivion.
Hange, please be alive.
Petra, goodbye.
Levi…
He felt himself smiling as he went down into darkness.
His final thought was not of the basement.
Why was she crying?
Maybe it was the strain of the whole day, but Petra leaned against the window and burst into tears. She clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle the noise. The last thing she needed was for someone, particularly one of the commanders, to find her like this.
Levi. I'm scared. What's happening?
Please forgive me. He swung through the air, latching his cables to the first titan and slicing its nape as the soldiers charged. He couldn't save them in time. He couldn't…
Erwin. I can save you.
He growled as he whirled through the air, faster than he'd ever gone before. He could hear it; that beast shit.
"Game, set, and match! Woo hoo!" it cheered. It had thrown the stones; already, the place was a lot quieter.
Erwin had been at the front…
I'll kill him, Erwin. I swear. Levi swung and sliced, bounded closer as he heard the beast rumble some shit about toy guns.
"Do you think that screaming will do you any good?" It sounded scornful.
I'll make you scream, I'll make you scream I'll make you scream I'll
Another volley of stones. Total silence. The soldiers had fired their smoke guns into the air; straight ahead, Levi had lost visibility of the beast. But he could hear it. He could hear it…
"Oh, you poor things."
It pitied them. It pitied Erwin.
I'll make you fucking scream.
Levi shot his hooks, felt them latch. He burst through the cloud of smoke, covered in titan blood, and gazed down at the monster before him. It was a true beast, a real nightmare from a child's storybook.
It looked at him with complete open-mouthed shock. Until it bared its teeth in fury, and roared.
Levi roared back.
Petra was going to be sick. She needed to lie down; coming up here had been a mistake. She hurried along the hall, ready to fall over…
"Ral?"
She froze as Nile Dok approached from behind. Ugh, Commander Dok was the worst. He'd tried several times to undermine Levi, and expressed contempt for all the Survey Corps, calling them a bunch of idiots. She forced herself not to glare as he approached.
"Sir. Can I help you?" she asked.
"Erwin told me," Nile said. Then he smiled. His smile was…warm. Genuine. "He says you aren't on the mission because you're pregnant."
"Uh…"
He didn't look at her with pity like Pixis or lechery like Zackley. Nile seemed positively delighted.
"Yes," she said.
"That's wonderful. My wife's about to have our third. There's nothing like it when the first one's born, though. You must be so happy."
"Um. I am." This whole day felt like she'd gone through a looking glass. "You…you know Captain Levi is—"
"Finally, Levi makes a sensible choice." If he knew how glib that sounded, he didn't show it. Petra was too stunned to say anything. "Fatherhood's good for a man."
It hadn't been Levi's choice to get her pregnant, of course. But Nile was being kind, and she didn't know how to process it.
"I just hope he comes home to see it," she muttered. Nile's overt grin disappeared. There was sympathy in his eyes.
"I'm sure he will," he said.
So am I, Petra thought. Strange. I'm sure he'll come home, too.
So why do I feel so…afraid?
I swore to him.
Levi'd let that beast freak get away once, but not now. Not again. He dove off the edge of the wall, where the blond, bearded bastard had fled on top of that cart…titan…thing…what the fuck were these demons?
Didn't matter. He didn't have to understand them. Only kill them. Or nab them.
Get the beast. Find Erwin. Inject him. Save…Erwin…
The beast titan's rider had been having a face off with Eren. The cart titan bounded away over the rooftops, and Levi landed beside Eren.
What the fuck had happened here? All he saw was that, somehow, Eren had captured Bertholdt, whose arms and legs were now gone. The tall, long-faced boy was asleep.
And…there was the burnt husk of some soldier lying there as well.
Levi had no time to worry who that was or why. He landed hard next to Eren.
"Going after the beast," he gasped. "Give me your gas and blades, now!"
"Yes!" Eren cried, obeying straight away. Levi stared after that cart thing, still holding the beast in its jaws.
I swore to him I'd kill you. I swore to him!
Levi bared his teeth. His strength was almost gone, but it didn't matter. Right now, it didn't matter if he died in the pursuit and Petra was left alone with their baby, it only mattered that he fulfill this fucking promise. It…
"Oh. Oh my god!" Eren screamed.
Levi whipped around, saw the boy on his hands and knees next to the burnt corpse…that turned out to not be such a corpse after all. It was breathing. Sort of. Fuck, what a horrible way to—
Wait.
"Armin!" Eren screamed. He was sobbing now. Armin? "Keep breathing! That's it!"
Levi realized with awful clarity exactly what had to happen now.
Somehow, Mikasa was here as well, standing next to him. Of course she was. Why not? They were all in hell now.
Eren reached for him. "Captain! Give me the injection!"
Right. Save Armin. They had a dying comrade and a wounded shifter. Erwin had entrusted Levi with this injection for a reason. Slowly, Levi took the metal box from his pocket.
"All right," he whispered. Please. Please, where is Erwin? Right now if he could just save Erwin he'd give up the beast titan. He'd kill it another day. Erwin would understand.
But Armin had maybe minutes left, and more importantly, Armin was here.
Levi's heart sank as Mikasa fired off a flare. Who to, he didn't know. Didn't care.
I'll give Eren the injection. He'll give me his gas. I'll go kill the beast titan.
Erwin would be avenged. His promise would be kept. It was something. Levi handed over the box—
"Captain Levi!"
Someone crawled up the edge of the roof. The redhaired kid—Floch, that was his name. He scrambled up to them, and on his back…
Was Erwin.
"The Commander's badly wounded. He won't stop bleeding," Floch gasped. "But he's alive."
He's alive.
"I thought the injection could help." Floch looked at him. "What do you think?"
Everyone on that roof sat in horrified silence. Then, slowly, Levi pulled the box away from Eren.
"I'm sorry, I think I need to go back down and take a nap," Petra said. Nile stepped aside.
"Of course. Marie always says the first trimester's the worst." He chuckled. He seemed fond of Petra now. Nile Dok, whatever else could be said for him, must be a good father. "You know, I'm sure I can send for some ginger root if you think that would help."
"I… Maybe. Yes. Thank you, sir."
Petra suddenly felt the cold grip of fear on the back of her neck. She stopped short. What was happening?
Levi? What are you doing right now?
Why had she thought that? And why…why was she so afraid?
Mikasa wailed. Eren sobbed. Didn't matter. Levi readied the injection as Floch kept shouting (the only one who can destroy all the titans is the devil himself, that kept playing in Levi's mind) and Hange consoled Mikasa. Levi could hear no one's words. All he thought about was getting the injection filled and ready before it was too late.
Eren grabbed his leg.
"Captain…have you heard of the ocean?" he gasped.
I have. I listened to…the three of you.
Levi shook off the pain he felt. The injection was ready. Before him, Bertholdt lay still, mercifully asleep. There was Erwin, a horrifying wound in the center of his stomach, and poor Armin burnt to a crisp.
"Clear the area!" Levi shouted. "Erwin's going to turn into a titan now!"
The kids—Connie and Jean were here as well, this was a nightmare—said tearful farewells to Armin. Then they left. Hange left…yes, Hange was alive. A small mercy.
Then they were gone, and it was him on the roof with the three men.
Levi took one quick glance at Armin Arlert. Poor kid. It was a loss, for Eren and Mikasa and for the rest as well. Armin had a good mind. If only they could've kept both him and Erwin…but nothing in life was fair.
Just wait and see! Saltwater that stretches to the horizon! Different types of fish! You don't believe me, do you? You'll see!
Levi sighed, and dragged Bertholdt into position. He couldn't blame Eren and Mikasa for pitching the crazy fit they had. He didn't even hold a grudge against Mikasa for trying to cut his head off to get the box. If it'd been him six years ago, with the chance to save Furlan or Isabel with this shot…
But that didn't happen. The past is dead. Focus on the future.
Humanity needed Erwin Smith. So did Levi.
God, those stupid kids. The way they'd carried on and sobbed. Even Erwin at the end there, weeping and talking about how he just wanted to see that fucking basement.
"Bunch of screaming fucking kids. All of them," Levi growled.
He situated Bertholdt in just the right way, propped up on the incline of the roof. The way he was seated—
They couldn't keep going 'less they were drunk on something.
Levi halted. Kenny, dying against that tree. Levi had sat with him in his final moments, heard the old murderer's confession. In that moment Levi had wanted to kill him, pity him, and when he found out they were related by blood—uncle and nephew, not father and son, but still—he'd felt an insane moment of excitement. He had a family. He had a name.
And Kenny had died without seeing his dream come true. He'd spoken of it in garbled tones in those last minutes, his dying brain firing in every direction.
They were all slaves to something.
Slaves. All of them. Every last human being.
What are you? A hero?
Levi rolled up Erwin's sleeve and laid the point of the needle against his arm. All he had to do was push it in, then hit the plunger, then flee. Nature would do the rest. But…
He cast another glance at Armin.
Kid just wants to see the ocean, huh? That's the whole reason he joined. Sweet. Simple.
Fuck it. Levi started to inject—
Erwin wrenched his arm away, flung it over his head. Levi gasped.
"Erwin?" he whispered.
"Teacher…how do we know…all gone?" Erwin muttered.
His dying brain firing in every direction.
Those questions…that basement…were all that Erwin had left. The empty shell of a life he'd happily relinquished.
Levi felt suddenly cold.
Give up on your dreams and die, he'd said. He'd given his permission.
He recalled Kenny, smiling as death freed him from the prison of his dreams…
Free.
Give up on your dreams.
Levi, thank you.
He had never seen such relief on a human face. Such joy.
Only the devil can destroy all the titans.
Erwin wasn't a god. He didn't want to be a devil. He was a man. Just a man. And he wanted to be set free.
He'd thanked Levi for telling him to go die, for fuck's sake.
They all had to be slaves, Kenny said.
Levi. Thank you, Erwin said.
The ocean! We'll see it together! Armin said.
That was when Levi felt it all come together, a golden puzzle slotted perfectly in place. It was a gamble: high risk, but maybe high reward. Armin had those necessary bits of Erwin inside of him. He had the vision, the ingenuity. But he was also clean. Young. Excited. He was not suffering every minute of every day. What he could see…
Maybe there was something beyond that horizon Armin Arlert could see that even Erwin Smith could not.
Erwin. I don't want to say goodbye…
Levi made a small, hurt noise. But he contained himself. He hated unnecessary death, but he hated cruelty and suffering even more. Erwin Smith had given everything he had to this world, and it had destroyed him. Levi understood. He knew what he had to do.
Yes.
He turned and crouched beside Armin. Hold on, kid.
Poor kid…
Kid.
And then, like lightning all through him, he remembered Petra laying his hand upon her stomach.
Your Papa's going to Shiganshina. She smiled, talking to their baby. Their baby. We'll wait for you.
Levi had only thought of the baby in the abstract before, but touching her stomach… The baby was part of her. Growing in her. It was part of her, and him.
We'll wait for you.
What was this world? Filled with beasts and monsters, giant walls, mysteries everywhere, danger around every corner. It was his job to protect her, her and the baby. His job, no one else's.
Petra stood there in his imagination, holding a baby against her and screaming while figures lunged up from over the walls and attacked…
I have to protect her. The baby.
My baby.
A surge of emotion welled inside of him. Pride, all of a sudden. The sharpest sense of love. Fear, the coldest fear. His baby. Now, like an avalanche, feeling rushed over him. That baby. It was coming. And this world was cruel. If he didn't want it ripped out of his arms, he had to protect it.
And there was only one man…
No. No. Levi shook his head. He glanced from Armin to Erwin, Erwin to Armin.
Levi. Thank you. He had been so happy.
Armin could be humanity's savior, too! Mikasa wept. Yes. Yes, he could. The kid was brilliant. Innovative. Talented.
But it was a gamble. Such a gamble. High risk, high reward…or high loss. And Erwin was the gambler, not Levi.
My baby needs to be safe. My…my wife needs to be safe.
There was only one man who could do it. Only one man.
He had to move now, or he would lose them both.
Levi. Thank you.
The ocean! We'll see it!
We'll wait for you. Papa's going to Shiganshina.
Papa.
Levi. Thank you.
The ocean!
Papa.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Hange, stuck with the new job of commander. I'm sorry.
Petra, unprotected with the monsters at the gate. I'm sorry.
His best friend.
His child.
Erwin had suffered enough. He had finally been set free.
Armin could… He could be…
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Gasping, Levi inserted the needle.
I'm sorry.
He pushed the plunger.
It was like a knife going into her stomach. Petra cried out and collapsed to her knee. Nile steadied her.
"Ral? What is it?"
"It's…"
She knew what it was. She could feel herself splitting apart with the realization. She put her hand beneath her skirt, felt the warmth running down her legs. She held up her fingers, slick with blood.
No. No.
Stunned, she folded into Nile's arms as he picked her up.
"Hold on," he whispered. He ran with her, shouting for his aides, for Anka, shouting for a medic. "Hold on, Ral," he said. Then, as if she couldn't hear him, he whispered, "I'm sorry."
No.
Petra burst into tears.
Levi watched on the rooftop alongside Hange and Floch as the titan reared up and approached Bertholdt.
Erwin made for a frightening looking titan. The nose was too large, the jaws entirely too wide. It had that horrifying rictus grin that Erwin got when he was really into something new and thrilling.
Levi cradled Armin Arlert in his arms. The poor boy had died thirty seconds before, but Levi kept hugging the body to him. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Armin.
I'm sorry, Erwin.
Hange patted his shoulder.
"You did the right thing." She sounded relieved as Erwin's titan picked up the screaming Bertholdt. The boy sobbed for his friends, for Reiner and Annie, as Erwin devoured him. Soon after, the titan collapsed to the ground.
"Heh. Those sentimental idiots." Floch sneered at the 104th kids on the rooftop opposite. Mikasa was sobbing hysterically now, and Eren was lying curled up on his side. Connie, tears streaming down his cheeks, regarded Levi with horror and misery. Jean had turned his back on the adults. "Good thing the Commander gave you the injection, Captain Levi. You know how to put humanity ahead of yourself."
I put my child ahead of his humanity.
My child…
Levi didn't want to spend time with these congratulatory assholes anymore. He gave Armin's body to Hange and then shot his hooks, deployed to the city streets. The 104th kept crying up above as he trudged over to Erwin's evaporating titan. Their sobs followed him like ghastly birdsong.
We got the power of the colossal titan at least. That's something.
Through the steam, Levi saw Erwin pulling himself out of the titan. Erwin's shirt was gone now, his torso on gleaming display.
His right arm had grown back.
And his eyes…
Shifter marks lined his cheeks like tears. Erwin had his eyes shut, his face lifted to the sky.
I'm sorry.
No regrets. No regrets.
"Erwin?" Levi croaked.
Erwin's eyes opened. He turned them to Levi, and there was no mistake.
They were the furious eyes of a vengeful god.