Two weeks later
Petra found the girl training by herself. Mikasa was just returning from running the training course, flying on her ODM through a simulated forest. The girl truly was Levi's blood; the grace was unmistakable, as was the sullen determination. Mikasa shot her hooks one final time, spun around a pole, then detached and planted her feet on the ground. Petra applauded as she approached. The Ackerman girl only regarded her with placid gray eyes.
"Give it a few years, and you'll be better than Levi," Petra said. Mikasa didn't smile.
"Thank you." She began unstrapping her ODM; she still had a few practice blades left. She killed dummy titans quickly and with great accuracy. Now that they knew what was across the sea, of course, titan training didn't make much sense. But it was always better to be prepared.
"I wanted to ask you something." Petra walked alongside Mikasa as the girl headed to return her equipment. "We're getting married the day after tomorrow." She said 'we' not 'Levi and I.' It had been about three weeks since Shiganshina, but Mikasa was still raw from Levi's choice. Whatever shred of hope Petra had held that the two cousins would eventually become close seemed to have disappeared. "I still need a maid of honor to stand next to me. I was hoping you'd do the job."
Mikasa frowned. "I thought you had a sister."
"I do. But these last five years the Corps has been like a new family to me. Plus, you're Levi's—that is, you're family. So's my sister, I know, but I think it would be nice to have you. If you'd like."
Maybe this was a bad idea. Petra wanted to find some way of bringing them all closer together. Mikasa merely unloaded her ODM at the training station and signed it back in. Then she and Petra walked towards the showers. A summer breeze riffled through the taller girl's black hair. Otherwise, she could have been a statue. She seemed expressionless.
"If you'd like me to, of course."
She said it in the way she'd receive an order. Petra drooped a bit, but it was a start.
"It would mean a lot to me. Thank you."
Mikasa stopped walking. Her expression softened. "Then I'm happy to do it."
Sweet girl. Petra wanted to hug her, but since she was now Mikasa's direct superior officer it might not be the best idea.
"Thank you. It'll be nice. You'll see." Petra smiled, touched the girl's arm, and started to walk away.
"I'm sorry," Mikasa said softly. Petra turned. "About…the baby."
It didn't matter how much time passed. It was another knife to her heart. Petra tried to smile, but it was too much.
"Me, too. But Levi…we're going to try again. So. You'll have another little cousin, with any luck."
Mikasa nodded, head hung low. Petra's heart broke a little. She saw in Mikasa's face the same heartbreak she observed when she looked in the mirror. They were both mourning a precious loss.
"And I'm sorry about Armin," Petra whispered. Mikasa's lip quivered for one moment, but then her stoic façade returned.
"That's nice," she murmured. "Everyone keeps talking about what a good choice Captain Levi made."
Petra couldn't imagine having to endure hearing that over and over. She went and gripped Mikasa's arm.
"Sometimes I wish…" Petra's voice trailed off. No. It was borderline treason to say it. Sometimes I wish Levi had chosen Armin instead. Horrible. Wrong. Erwin Smith was their one great hope in this uncertain new world. But Petra could not think of him without remembering his hands on her, the coldness in his eyes when he admitted to sacrificing her friends for Levi's safety. Petra could know it was the right choice all she wanted; she would never forget it, and she couldn't really forgive it, either.
Mikasa's eyes widened in shock. She knew what Petra had meant. Then a thin sliver of tears appeared. She wiped them away, but Petra saw.
"Armin was a good, brave boy. He was a huge loss."
"Thank you," Mikasa whispered. She sniffed. "I'll…be happy to be your maid of honor."
Petra knew it was too familiar, but they were going to be family. She stood on her toes and hugged the girl. Mikasa returned the hug. She was slow at first, but she returned it fully.
Petra stood there and hugged her for a minute while the girl wept a few tears. Then she controlled herself, and they broke apart. Mikasa's pain was gone, hidden again beneath her blank expression.
Levi. This girl is just like you.
They parted ways soon after, and Petra walked out of the barracks and headed towards Brigitta's. She grinned. Edvard had pulled a few strings and gotten her something beautiful at a steep discount. She had to work on it in secret at Brigitta's; she didn't want Levi to see.
He hated doing this kind of shit because it was bound to get emotional, but weddings came with emotional territory. He'd gotten used to it by now. Levi knocked on Hange's door. At first he got no answer, thought she might be out, but then he heard a noise within and knocked again.
"Oi. Hange. Open up."
"Oh. Come in."
She sounded strangely listless. Frowning, Levi opened the door and found the squad leader sitting on her floor, back against her bed. As usual, her room was a dire mess. There were papers scattered all over her floor, some sporting boot prints from when she'd thoughtlessly trod on them. There were open ink pots dotting her desk, and, shudderingly, the remains of a sandwich. He wanted to give her shit about it, but the sight of her stopped him cold.
Levi had seen Hange cry maybe three times in the past six years. She felt things, of course she did, but she just wasn't the type to express her feelings. Not like him—he bottled everything up. Hange repressed nothing—she just wasn't the type to get sad. But now, her glasses were perched atop her rat's nest of brown hair. Her eyes were red and puffed. She sniffed loudly and wiped her nose with her hand. Levi wanted to run out of here screaming when he saw that, but his friend's obvious misery overrode that reaction.
"Oi. Four Eyes. What the fuck's the matter?"
"Ah. Um. I was…I was writing a letter to Moblit's family. I wanted to write a personal one, since he s-served under me for so long. I got together a box of his…I got his stuff from his room. I f-found this." She handed it up. Levi took it. It was a leatherbound journal. He opened it, flipped through the pages. It was a standard type of military diary. Most of it was drill times, brief notes on the day, shit like that.
But most of his notes were like:
0700 roll call: Make sure SL Hange eats beforehand. She forgot yesterday. Again.
0900 1st experiment: S&B tenting experiment. SL Hange will get too close. Again. Make sure to keep in range.
1400 training session: New recruits to run obstacle course. SL Hange will need to check her ODM oil. Probably have to do it myself.
And on and on, a litany of unseen care and concern. Levi looked at Hange, now pitifully crying into her hands.
"Yeah," he said gruffly. "He was a good guy."
There was nothing worse in life than to not realize what you had until it was gone. While Hange sat there getting herself under control, Levi picked up the papers on her floor, put them into the right piles, and collected Moblit's things into a box. He wasn't the type to hug or shit like that, but he did what he could. When he'd finished, he sat on the bed and briefly patted Hange's shoulder.
"I know his family'll be glad to get that letter from you."
"Y-Yeah. Thanks, Levi." She wiped her nose with her hand again, then patted him. He wanted to crawl out of his skin, but kept himself together. Eventually, she was fully calm. Might as well ask.
"So. Uh. Do you want to be my best man?" he grumbled.
She turned around, blinking owlishly at him as she adjusted her glasses back onto her nose.
"Huh?"
"I mean, if it's too weird." Normally, he'd have asked Erwin, but right now including Erwin in his wedding day with Petra was too fucking weird even for him.
"N…No. No, it's not weird at all."
Then Hange flung herself forward, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing tight enough to fucking rupture something.
"Tch. Fine. Then get off." Hange let go, sniffling and beaming.
"I'm so glad you're having a real wedding."
Yeah, the chapel was booked. Four in the afternoon, after training. The brats and Petra's family—minus the brother, thank fuck—would be there. Levi looked forward to it as much as he'd look forward to a hernia. At least they'd agreed to have a real quick, quiet reception, Petra's gift to him.
But after Shiganshina, and after they'd lost the baby, there was no rush, and they wanted people to be there. Petra did, at least.
"I thought you'd have asked Erwin." Hange looked quizzical. Fuck.
"Yeah. Uh. He's got a lot on his mind right now." Levi wanted to keep Petra's secret. He didn't need Erwin looking like a cad, either. "Thanks."
"Oh, then I have an idea!" Hange grinned.
"She wanted you to have matching cravats?" Petra giggled in bed that night, lying with her head on his chest. He stroked her hair, relishing the little moments they had together. One nice thing about Shiganshina: now that they knew the real enemy, and now that they'd chased off the shifters and reclaimed Wall Maria, there was no need for further expeditions beyond the wall. They'd keep the titan masher going until they'd wiped out most of the population in Wall Maria. That meant the Survey Corps would be cozy at home while they strategized for the next step. Whatever that was. That meant Petra would be entirely safe for the foreseeable future, which meant he could breathe.
"She knew I wouldn't wear a flower in my buttonhole. Next best thing."
"Thank you again for doing this." She kissed him. "I know a wedding ceremony with people wasn't really what you wanted."
"Tch. Makes you happy. Besides, if you wanna make it up to me…" He rolled over, lying on top of her while Petra giggled some more. They kissed, moved against one another, and he started getting real excited.
"Wait." She kissed his nose. Mischievous, she grinned and counted on her fingers. "So it's Hange and Mikasa up there with us, then Eren, Connie, Jean, Sasha, my parents, Brigitta, and Edvard. Oh, and Floch. I always forget about him. I know that's awful."
"We gotta go over the guest list right now?" he grumbled.
"I still think it would be smart to invite Pixis and Zackley."
"Pixis won't come unless there's an open bar, and Zackley'll be too busy torturing kittens."
"Still. You have to be more political now, don't you?" She kissed him again, but his thoughts soured. Yeah. The moment they opened that basement door, Levi's title as Humanity's Strongest hadn't mattered all that much anymore. Compared to the hatred of a whole world with technology far better than anything they possessed, titans were easy. "What about Commander Dok?" She sobered. "He was very good to me, when…"
Yeah. Nile was a prick, but he could be a good man on occasion.
"I don't think it'd be good to have Nile there and not Erwin. Same for the other commanders. They'll notice his absence."
Petra quieted at mention of Erwin. She nodded.
"You're sure you don't want him there?" she asked.
"Do you want him?"
"No. But…he's your commander. He's your best friend."
"Yeah, well he took a couple hits on the 'best friend' thing when he put his tongue in your mouth," Levi growled. Petra wilted a bit, so he kissed her. "Not angry at you. He's a manipulative fuck."
"But won't it make you sad if he's not there?"
Kid could be perceptive, huh? In truth, much as Levi told himself he didn't care about Erwin—that he sort of hated the fucker—he couldn't convince himself of the lie.
Besides, I'm the one who ruined his life by saving it.
"I…I want the day to be good for you," he said at last. He looked into her eyes. "You've already had to put up with a lot of shit, and the ceremony's to help with your parents as much as it's for us."
"It's your wedding, too."
"I'd be happy hauling you over to the chapel right now, getting the vows read, then hauling you back here and fucking." He kissed her, hoping to give her an idea in that direction. "If you're there, I'm happy. That's all I need."
She sighed, wound her fingers at the back of his head.
"You're the most incredible man." Her lashes lowered. "I wish I was good enough for you."
It was so shocking to hear Petra, the literal angel, the perfect woman say such words to him. The feeling had always been the other way around.
"There's a way you can be," he muttered. He kissed her hard.
The rest of the night, they did very little talking.
His tea was cooling as he sat with Levi, the lamps lowered. Levi—Philippe, that is, but Levi in Erwin's mind—adjusted his cravat as they sat there. It wasn't natural to his everyday dress, and he found it uncomfortable. Erwin often had him wear the garment when he came to visit. Sometimes, when Justine was also in play, the cravat was all that "Levi" wore. It was perverse, Erwin knew, yet it also gave him comfort.
But not tonight. Erwin had not come for physical comfort.
"Sure you don't want to…?" "Levi" cocked an eyebrow. Erwin shook his head.
"I have no appetite," he said softly. He hadn't asked for Justine. Sometimes just lying in bed with them on either side, their bare skin warming his was all the satisfaction Erwin required.
"What do you want to do, then?"
"I think I want you to just listen to me," Erwin replied. In the low light, this man really looked so much like his captain. These last two weeks, Erwin and Levi had barely spoken outside of work. "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for blaming you. I wish you had chosen me over… Well. It doesn't matter now, does it?"
"Levi" remained silent.
Did I want you to choose me over Armin? Petra? The child? It no longer matters.
Erwin chuckled ruefully. "You know, you wouldn't have had her if not for me."
"Levi" said nothing.
"You had left her behind. I brought you back together because I wanted you to be happy. I truly wanted that." Sometimes, he could barely hold his head up any longer. Erwin rested his elbow on the table, his face in his hand. "If I'd known doing so would have sealed my own fate…"
Sometimes he was angry. Sometimes he wanted to cry. Levi and he no longer sat through the long nights making plans, chatting. Much as Erwin desired Petra, he craved the return of Levi even more. If only life could be like it was here, when he paid for a desired reality. A world where he and Levi shared Petra, shared their souls, shared everything.
He knew he was not invited to the wedding. He logically understood it, and bore no grudge. He knew it was his own fault he wouldn't be there. But it still hurt.
He had thirteen years left, now without the comfort of his closest friends. Now with all of humanity within the walls looking to him as savior, no longer as an outlandish weirdo. Erwin Smith had done a good thing when he'd brought Levi back into Petra's arms, and now he was going to pay for it every single day for the rest of his life.
My body doesn't hurt any longer. But I'm so tired. Levi. Please.
"Levi" stood in front of him, looking so sad. Normally, the young man's eyes were hooded, his expression neutral. Just like the real Levi's. Now, he took Erwin's face in his hands and kissed him gently on the mouth.
"No." Erwin pulled back a bit. "Not tonight."
"You don't need Jus—Petra here. It can be just us."
"That's all I want. Just us. Tea. Like it used to be."
"You don't have to deny what you feel," "Levi" whispered.
"I don't feel that," Erwin said. At least, not like this. But "Levi"…no, Philippe. Philippe looked so crestfallen.
"You're an extraordinary man," he said breathlessly. He'd always been so stoic, hard to impress. Time together had apparently made him admire Erwin more. Or maybe it was just that Erwin had the powers of a god now.
"Thank you. But that's not his line," Erwin said. He nodded to the empty chair. "He'd say 'tch. Stop pissing and moaning, for fuck's sake.' Something like that."
"He doesn't sound like much of a friend."
"He is the greatest friend I've ever had," Erwin snapped. He stood, towering above the slender young man. "If you don't wish to provide service, I'll go elsewhere."
"Tch." "Levi" smirked. "Not a lot of whorehouses in Trost. Don't be stupid."
Mollified, Erwin smiled and sat down. "Levi" sat opposite. Erwin lowered the lamp, so that it was darker between them. In the dim, he almost looked like the real Levi.
Pretend it's still us. Pretend you're not alone. Utterly alone.
"Now," Erwin said, picking up his tea. "Remember: he doesn't use the handle."
Petra took her seat beside Levi. The rest of the military brass had arrived. Besides the Shiganshina heroes and her, there was Queen Historia, Zackley, and the other heads of the military branches. Erwin sat directly in front of them, Hange at his side.
"Why did they call us together?" she whispered to Levi. A few other aides and high ranking officials filed into the room. As far as Petra knew, they'd already debriefed the heroes and released the information discovered in Grisha Jaeger's basement. There shouldn't be any need for more meetings.
"All I heard was the queen wants an audience. Not sure why," he replied.
Petra looked at Erwin again. Something told her he had an inkling as to what this was about. She wasn't sure why. She kept her gaze on Eren a moment as he sat down. She'd asked him two weeks ago what on earth he'd meant about her dying in the titan forest. He'd looked sort of queasy and replied he wasn't sure.
He'd been telling the truth, or so it seemed. But still…
"Can we start?" Zackley took off his jacket and rolled his sleeves. "It's hot as hell."
Yes, August sweltered outside the windows.
"Why are we here?" Pixis drawled. Nile also looked perplexed. As Petra had predicted, Erwin shoved back his chair and stood.
"I wrote to Her Majesty to request this meeting of all military branches," Erwin said, bowing to Historia. The small blonde girl simply nodded back from her position at the middle of the bar. Petra felt a bit sorry for the kid; she was a monarch in name only, a mere puppet to sit there so that the people would believe tradition held fast. Though Historia did hold some sway; it would be difficult to disobey a direct order from the queen. But she didn't even try. She didn't want that power. She'd taken the authority solely to look after the poorest and loneliest behind the walls.
Levi respected her a great deal for it.
"For what reason?" Zackley asked Erwin.
"It has been nearly a month since we discovered the truth at the heart of our world. Currently, the Survey Corps is focused upon the eradication of all titans left in Wall Maria, so that we can move humanity south and reclaim our lost territories. Until the walls are empty, we cannot proceed outside and to the southern point of the island, where presumably Grisha Jaeger's 'sea' awaits."
Yes. It was going to be a pretty quiet year for the Survey Corps. They needed to recruit new troops, train them, and prepare for the first mission beyond the walls in five years.
"And?" Zackley seemed impatient.
"But the Survey Corps' work will not end with the death of the titans. Our focus must be geared towards what lies beyond the sea: Marley, and more importantly the world's hatred of Eldians."
"Hmm. You want to start drawing up battle plans already?" Zackley drawled. Pixis and Nile, meanwhile, regarded Erwin with caution.
"That is the exact problem. Currently, we face an existential threat far greater than the titans: the human race in its entirety. Right now, there seem two options. We can hide behind our walls, praying that the enemy does not come to knock down our gates—and they will be back. They want our resources, if nothing else. Or we take the fight across the sea. We use the Founding Titan, once we've learned how to control it fully, and eradicate all life beyond Paradis."
Petra saw movement out of the corner of her eye. Eren slumped forward.
"Both of these options are unacceptable. We as a society, we as Eldians must take the initiative when the time comes, and cross the sea to reclaim our status as citizens of this world."
Zackley scoffed. "Yes, yes. Of course. In time."
"No. Preparations begin now." Erwin strode forward, standing before Zackley to address the room. In his eyes, Petra saw the fire that had convinced people to die for him. That had convinced her to lay down her own life if he needed it. "For what did our fallen comrades give their lives? For us to live as rats in a cage? For the destruction of all non-Eldian life? No!" He shouted that word. Petra jumped; Levi only stared. "Our brothers and sisters cry out for freedom across that sea. Are we to abandon them? Did our comrades die so we could turn our backs and leave other Eldians in bondage? No. There are many unknown variables that await us across that sea. We must be prepared to fight on every front, but first, we must try strategic diplomacy. It will involve cultivating allies, clandestine missions to scout out information, and possibly bloodshed. But the Survey Corps' new mission—the military's new mission—is the restoration of Eldian life and liberty across this new world!"
Petra's heart beat faster. Everyone around her stomped fists and drummed feet. Hange even punched her fist in the air, shouting 'yes!' Only Petra, Levi, and Eren remained silent. Erwin turned to a bemused Zackley.
"Yes. Good. When the time comes, Erwin, we'll rely on you to spearhead the Survey Corps in this direction."
"No, Commander. That is not good enough," Erwin said. He nodded to Historia; Petra noticed the queen nod back. "I call for a vote of no confidence in Commander Darius Zackley. I call for this so that I, Erwin Smith, may—"
"What?" Zackley shot to his feet.
"—may be named his successor and acting Commander-in-Chief of the military of Paradis."
Nile and Pixis's mouths both dropped open. Zackley looked ready to scream. Petra grabbed Levi's hand.
"Did you…?" she whispered.
"No," he croaked. He watched Erwin as he might watch a brilliant actor on a stage in the middle of a great performance.
"You treacherous bastard!" Zackley roared. He wiped his face; the room was silent. Erwin was unruffled. "You…you don't have the votes! You won't have them!"
The queen's nod…
"It is written in the military's code that the monarch is head of state, and true commander in chief," Erwin said easily. "He…or she…can support a vote of no confidence and oust any sitting commander."
Zackley looked green. Pixis whistled low.
"I support Erwin Smith's motion," Historia said, smiling. "Darius Zackley is removed as Commander-in-Chief, and Erwin Smith is appointed in his place."
Now the room was filled with screams and shouts. Some looked like they wanted to kill Erwin; Levi was tense, ready to leap in and defend the commander. Some, like Hange, looked ecstatic. Petra stared at the enormous blond man; he gazed ahead, at nothing.
"Hey! Hey!" Hange banged her fist on the table. Everyone calmed down a bit. "It's true. You can look it up; the facts are all there. This is perfectly legal. It's not a coup." She glared at someone who'd shouted just that. "Erwin Smith is the new Commander-in-Chief."
So Hange had known. How would Levi feel about that?
Erwin raised his hands, while Zackley remained apoplectic behind him.
"As my first order of business," Erwin said, "I have one radical proposal. From this day forward, there are no longer three separate branches of the military. All—the Garrison, Survey Corps, and Military Police—must unite in one branch, the Paradisian Guard. I will still require personnel in place to help run things smoothly," he added, nodding to Nile and Pixis—they both looked shocked. "But from now on, all power must flow in one smooth channel to me."
Eren made a strange noise. Petra felt frozen.
"It's too much!" someone shouted.
"May I remind you," Erwin said, "that Her Majesty still holds absolute power over me. Should I exceed my bounds, she will release me. If she does, I will step down. As Darius Zackley must. You have my word on that."
More grumbles, but it calmed people a bit. Erwin bowed his head.
"Listen to me. If I have not convinced you, vote. If you vote me down now, Zackley remains and I will leave the service." He looked around the room. "But if you fear a dictatorship, hear this: I will only live another thirteen years. The power I have been given is also a curse. My life will end in little over a decade." Erwin clenched his fist. "Thirteen years is not long enough to establish a legacy or enjoy a life of power. It is just long enough to guide our world to peace and stability. To give our children a chance to grow up in a just world. To end the animosity that exists beyond our island borders. I was brought back for one purpose."
He looked at Petra.
"To protect you," he said. She felt Levi's hand on her knee. Erwin looked around again. "Give me the power I need to preserve our people and rescue those enslaved across the sea. Do it, and my every action will be for you. But you must choose now."
Silence.
Then, slowly, Levi pushed back his chair and stood. He gazed at Erwin with flinty determination.
"I vote yes," he growled. He banged his fist on the table, startling Petra. "Erwin Smith. I will follow you."
Something electric seemed to pass between the two men. Erwin nodded. Hange sprang up.
"Yes!" She pumped her fist. "Commander-in-Chief Erwin Smith!"
More chairs scraped. Jean, and Sasha, and Connie and Floch all sprang to their feet and shouted. Mikasa stood as well, though she remained quiet. Others began to get up, and Historia stood as well, applauding. Applause began; applause turned to cheering. Nile and Pixis looked like they'd been punched. Zackley stormed off the platform and slammed the door on his way out.
In the end, only two people remained sitting. Petra. And Eren Jaeger.
"If Erwin's not careful," Levi grumbled in her ear, "he'll wind up strapped in Zackley's chair feasting on his own piss."
But they both knew that wouldn't happen. Levi would never allow it.
And soon, Erwin Smith was the first-ever Supreme Commander (his new title) of the Paradisian Guard. Petra was no longer a member of the Survey Corps. Levi was an acting captain under Erwin Smith's command.
Erwin Smith frightened the hell out of her. But Petra knew the threat they faced; what she'd seen today was a demonstration of power and strategy, the two things they'd need to fight Marley without, hopefully, too much bloodshed.
"That's the thing about Erwin." She heard the naked admiration in Levi's voice as they filed out of the room, meeting adjourned. "He's a genius."
She saw the pain in Levi's eyes.
So later that day she went back to Erwin's office, knocked, and let herself in. He frowned when he found her with her back to the door.
"Petra? What do you want?"
"I can't fucking believe you," Levi growled. Hange proudly fluffed her new cravat as they stood at the altar. The afternoon sun poured in through the stained glass window overhead. The pastor was neatening his gray robes, and they were at ten minutes until the ceremony started.
"We match! It's a wedding, Levi. It needs to be a little fancy."
"Tch."
Really, his heart was starting to beat fast. The kids were filing in, staring up at him like he was some sort of performing dog about to do a trick. Pieter wasn't there—he was walking Petra up the aisle—but Brigitta, Edvard, and the mother were smiling, grinning, and glaring at him respectively.
Levi scanned the door. Let's do this. Let's just get it done.
He felt sort of like shit that the commanders…that Erwin wouldn't be here.
He made the decision. He touched her.
But Levi would look back on this moment for the rest of his life with a giant hole in the center of the day. No way around it.
"Relax. You only get married once." Hange elbowed him. "Probably."
"I can still switch you out for Connie." Though why he would want to punish himself like that…
Eren looked withdrawn, as usual, sitting in the front row. Probably still hung up on Armin. When Levi had lost Furlan, he…
Well. The kid would have to get used to it.
Mikasa walked up and stood on the other side of the altar. Pretty sure normally she'd walk up right before Petra, but they weren't doing this to be too fancy. The kid looked pretty. She was wearing a light blouse and skirt; even took that scarf off for the occasion.
Everyone turned around when the doors opened again. Levi pushed his shoulders back as…
Huh. His eyes widened. Ingrid gasped loudly as Queen Historia herself sidled into the chapel. The pastor made a startled noise. Historia looked behind her, speaking to someone who followed her as…
Fuck.
Erwin Fucking Smith slipped inside, nodding to the room. He escorted Historia to a seat, then slid in after her. The kids from the 104th all turned back around; it was just Erwin and Historia to them, nothing special. Meanwhile, Ingrid clutched her daughter's arm, whispering urgently and looking overall delighted. Figured a snobby woman like her would be happy to have royalty and the Supreme Commander at her daughter's wedding. Still, Levi fixed Erwin with a glare. Erwin saw, and nodded at him. The absolute bitch.
"What's he doing?" Levi growled.
"Huh?" Hange looked puzzled. Fuck, no one was supposed to know what Erwin and Petra had done. Levi shrugged.
"Late," he grunted. "He's late." He was trying to decide between being pissed and relieved.
The pastor cleared his throat, then extended his arms in a quick blessing. It was just about time. Levi hoped she wouldn't be late.
The doors opened up again. Now his heart was going way too fast in his chest. Fuck, what if this was a mistake. What if he fucked up her life? What if he hated having a kid after all? What if he lost her? What if—
Everyone stood as Pieter walked his daughter up to the altar. Levi knew the custom was to face the pastor and wait until the bride was beside him to look, but fuck tradition. That wasn't him. He wanted to know what he was getting into, so he turned…
He froze.
Levi and Hange were still in their uniforms, dressed for a military wedding. He'd assumed Petra would either wear her uniform or one of her nicer skirts or something. But this…
He was not a tailor. He didn't know shit about clothes, and his heartbeat was too loud to think as she walked up to him. Describing this dress was impossible. All he knew was it made her look gorgeous.
She wore a pure white dress, something that was soft and draped down her slender body. The sleeves were lacy; the front of the dress was sheer lace, too. Someone, maybe her sister, had woven a crown of yellow roses to place in Petra's hair, along with little sprays of baby's breath. Pieter Ral was red-faced, trying not to get teary as his daughter hung on his arm and beamed at Levi.
She was, in that moment, the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. For a moment he flashed back to the kid he'd been sleeping on a dirty floor in the underground, ready to get up tomorrow and fight and kill if need be to make another score. He recalled darkness, and filth, and leering, cruel faces. And now here he was, with a soft, angelic vision in white coming up to marry him in front of an altar.
He couldn't trace all the long, miserable steps that had led to this moment. But for one brief instant, all the pain of the past was worth it.
I am the luckiest asshole alive.
Pieter kissed Petra's cheek and gave her over. Levi took her hand and, almost woozy, led her up the couple steps to the altar. He could see Mikasa over Petra's shoulder. The girl was actually smiling again. First time in a long time.
"You," he whispered. He couldn't hear himself think. "Uh. Pretty."
Petra laughed; there were tears in her eyes. He touched her cheek and leaned forward to kiss her—
"Whoa!" The pastor laughed, cutting them off. "That comes at the end, Captain." The room chortled. Levi hunched his shoulders. You couldn't show him such a beautiful girl and ask him to wait to kiss her.
"Then hurry it up," he muttered. "Make it fast."
He heard Ingrid give a deep, pained sigh. But Petra squeezed his hands and beamed. She was so happy. He'd helped make her this happy. Fuck. That was reason enough to do this.
The pastor blathered about the walls and the time of innocence and togetherness and love in the face of the titans and Levi didn't listen to any of it. He watched Petra's eyes. The little quirk of her lip. His eyes scanned her body draped in all that clean white linen and lace.
"Will you take this woman as your bride and bedfellow, to shelter together, to honor one another, to love and to cherish one another so long as you both do live?" the pastor asked.
"Yes. Yeah. Uh, I do." Levi frowned. "Is that it?"
"That's it." The pastor sighed; Levi must not be a model groom. "And you, Petra Ral. Will you take this man as your groom and bedfellow, to shelter—"
Levi blocked out the words. He watched only her lips as she spoke the words. I do. Then Hange was tugging on his sleeve, handing over the brass ring. He couldn't afford a better one, and his girl had said she didn't need one. He slid the ring onto Petra's finger as the pastor spoke the words that supposedly bound them to one another for the rest of their lives.
And then, that was it. Levi was married. It happened in one second, a simple action that divided the life he'd had before and the life to come. He was no longer Captain Levi, Humanity's Strongest; that position had expired at the end of Shiganshina. Now he was Levi Ackerman, husband, acting captain in the Paradisian Guard.
The old him was gone.
"You may kiss your bride," the pastor said. Levi could finally hear the applause in the audience. He ignored them, ignored the way it made him want to crawl away. He put his arms around her, and while he hated kissing or being affectionate in public this one time he gave way. Their lips met. She wrapped her arms around his neck. The kiss was deep, and long, and somehow utterly pure.
"This is perfect," Petra whispered in his ear, hugging him. "Thank you."
Fuck. He still hated all the cheering brats and Hange whooping and hollering behind him, but he could never regret making her this happy. When they had to turn and be 'presented' as husband and wife, though, he kind of wanted to die. He focused on the wooden doors as he and Petra walked down the aisle, her arm through his.
"Fuck. Too much noise," he grumbled.
"We walk outside and head straight for the barracks. It'll be easy," she whispered. They opened the doors.
And found a crowd perched outside, staring with owlish eyes.
Oh.
"Fuck," Petra hissed.
"Captain Levi!" It was Roy, that journalist from Stohess. What the fuck? The press was here? Roy was all smiles. Peaure was at his side, scribbling away. Getting a drawing for the paper. Petra's mouth hung open. "Captain, congratulations. We were hoping for a good special interest story to boost morale after Shiganshina. This couldn't have been more perfectly timed!"
Levi was going to kill everyone here. That was the answer to the problem.
"Er, Levi. Heh." Hange was suddenly behind him, a hand on both his and Petra's shoulders. "Funny story. I may have been having drinks with Flegel yesterday and I may have mentioned…this."
Yep, there was Flegel. The portly red-headed freckled fuck was cheering and throwing handfuls of rice in the air, leading the crowd in displays of enthusiasm. Nice of him to be so excited, but fuck. So that was why their wedding had been crashed by half of Trost; Flegel couldn't keep his dumbass mouth shut.
"Okay. How does Flegel equal Roy being here?" he hissed.
"Uh. That I don't know." Hange pushed past them. "Hold on. I'll perform my duty as best man and police the mob. Mikasa! Help out!"
Mikasa sprinted alongside Hange into the crowd, forcing people backwards.
Petra was beet red as people began tossing flower petals.
Fuck. Walking the six blocks back to the barracks is going to be a shit show.
Suddenly, like a bolt of creepy blond lightning, Erwin was behind them.
"Go straight ahead," Erwin muttered. "The queen's carriage is waiting at the gate. It will take you home."
Levi wasn't about to ask how Erwin had control of Historia's carriage; he just wanted out of this nightmare. An arm around his bride, Levi hustled the pair of them through the screaming, cheering crowd. Mikasa and Hange did a good job of fending off the cheeriest revelers. On the street, they found the carriage as Erwin had said, drawn by four bay horses. Levi all but threw Petra inside then jumped in after. He pulled down the blinds as they rolled away; the driver knew where to go.
"Well." Petra patted the roses in her hair; one had come loose. "That was an almost perfect day."
"Tch. A bunch of shouting assholes enough to ruin this day for you? I didn't marry a weakling." He smirked at her. She rolled her eyes, but grinned. And he took all of her in, the ethereal sight of her in that white lace, those yellow roses. Petra shrieked when he scooped her into his arms and placed her across his lap. The carriage rocked and bumped down the city streets as he kissed his wife.
His wife. Here I am, doing all that ordinary shit I swore wasn't for me.
And apart from the crowds and the attention, he loved it. If he could've he would've taken her back to the chapel right now and married her all over again. Levi buried his face against her neck as she stroked his hair.
"Mmm. You smell so fucking good," he growled, wrapping his arms tighter around her waist.
"Brigitta gave me some of that expensive lavender soap as a wedding gift. Edvard helped with the dress."
"Tell Edvard he's my new favorite brother in law." Not that it was much competition; Willem was a real shit. Levi's hand played at her soft skirt. He slid it up Petra's leg while she giggled. "I know what we're doing when we get home."
"Yes." Petra put down her skirts with a sigh. "It's the reception. Remember?" Levi groaned. "Edvard managed all the food and drink. He was very good about it." She kissed his cheek. "It's five now. The reception won't last long. Then I can't wait to get you alone." Her teeth grazed his earlobe; he was painfully hard. Shit.
"Never had sex with a married woman before," he muttered. She kissed him again and again.
"I love being there for your firsts," she whispered.
He knew she loved to see his face get red.
"Fine," he grumbled, sliding her onto her side of the carriage bench. "One hour. At the most."
Five hours later, he was ready to tell everyone to get the fuck out of the barracks. Edvard, the lovable, good-natured son of a bitch, had brought three whole cases of sparkling wine, and the brats were out of their minds. Connie and Sasha were dancing to some music—Flegel had shown up, bringing a few guests of his own along with half of a band he'd dragged out of nowhere, and Levi didn't know how to get out of the hell that was people coming up and congratulating him. Petra at least seemed happy, though she kept looking at him and mouthing 'I'm sorry!'
Pieter kept coming up to Levi and pulling him into a tight hug.
"At first I was worried," he slurred—he'd had a lot of wine. "I thought she was too young t'get married…at least, too young for you." He kissed Levi's cheek; Levi wanted to go out the window. "But you really are so perfec' fer each other." Pieter shook Levi by the shoulder, tears in his eyes. "She loves you so much. She loves you so…"
Gently, Levi took the guy's hand off of him. "Yeah. I'm lucky."
"Y'are. Petra scared me when she followed you to th'army. I th-thought she'd die." He wiped his florid cheeks. "But I shoulda known, with you taking care of my daughter nothing could happen."
Both men grew silent at the same time; both remembered Oruo, and the others who would've wanted to be here and could not come. Those who'd been under Levi's protection.
"Petra's special. I know," Pieter whispered. Levi nodded grimly.
"Yeah. She is." But she's also lucky. If she'd been on my squad that day…
Fuck it. This was his wedding night. Not the time. Pieter shuffled off, and Levi found Erwin standing in a corner, watching the party with calm eyes. Fuck it. Time to get this done. They'd been orbiting each other for hours today. Levi walked over.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but why the fuck were you at the ceremony?" he asked.
"Petra invited me," Erwin said. He shrugged. "She came to see me yesterday and insisted I come and bring the queen if I could. She thought it would be good for troop morale. She's more political than you might think. She was a good aide."
"Yeah. Was." Now she's my second in command and my wife. Erwin, don't start any shit.
"She believed the queen would like to be there. You were her captain, after all, and having the monarch's special favor never hurts."
"Seems like you've got it yourself. You went to the ceremony with her in her carriage?" Erwin nodded. Levi whistled. "Friends in high places. Well. Only one friend you can have anymore who's got a higher place than yours."
"Yes. Thank you for helping with that, Levi. In truth, while Historia and I came to an agreement before that meeting, I worry that without the vocal support of Humanity's Strongest I might not have convinced the military brass to make the leap of faith."
"I'm just a soldier now. Humanity's Strongest doesn't mean shit anymore, not with Marley in play."
"You are a symbol to humanity behind the walls, and you are strong in more than body. They listened to my strategies, Levi, but it was you they followed into battle."
He didn't know how to feel about that; it was both a huge compliment and almost a way of saying 'they followed you to the death, not me.' With Erwin, you never knew what was up and what down.
"Hey. You didn't tip Roy off about the wedding, did you?" he asked. Finally, Erwin looked a bit bashful.
"It occurred to me that this was a priceless opportunity for building up public opinion."
Levi kind of wanted to punch the man, but he also nearly laughed. He shook his head instead.
"You don't change, Smith."
"Neither do you, Ackerman. That is one of the few blessed constants in my life."
My life. Yeah, Erwin still had a life due to Levi. Normally Levi'd feel proud; instead, he felt a bit ashamed.
"Don't think I forgive what you did to Petra," he said quietly, "but…I'm sorry. I brought you back for the wrong reason. I'll never forgive myself."
Erwin sighed. "At least with Marley in play, as you said, I've a new goal to meet. One that's not just about myself. I can be content with that, so long as you're at my side to meet the challenge."
"Yeah. I will be." The two men stared at one another. Fuck it, so long as Erwin stayed away from Petra Levi could forgive and forget enough to move forward. "Tomorrow, let's talk all this bold new shit you've got cooking up."
Erwin smiled. "Yes. Good idea."
There was relief in his voice. The little war between them was over. Frankly, Levi was relieved.
Erwin looked up when the clocks outside began chiming ten. "You ought to make off with your bride. I'll politely kick everyone out."
"Erwin, you beautiful bastard."
"Congratulations, Levi." He extended his hand. The right hand. Creepy to see it back, but Levi shook.
"Thanks. Have another glass of wine. You've earned it."
Levi went to Petra, and soon they'd said their farewells to the most important people as Erwin quietly started ordering everyone out. Levi practically had to tear his girl away from some of the kids, but then they were hurrying down the corridors hand in hand. They slipped into their chamber and locked the door. Petra lit a lamp, giggling all the while as she took off her crown of flowers and slid off her shoes.
"That was the best day of my life," she said, beaming as he came over and took her into his arms.
"Yeah?" he whispered, then kissed her. "Ready for the best night of your life?"
He was alone in the barracks dining hall—well, alone save for Jean and Connie and Floch, whom Hange had ordered to mop up all the spilled alcohol. Erwin stood in the shadows, considering Levi. Friends again. Comrades. What a blessing. Considering Petra, and the happiness she'd expressed in Levi's arms.
Considering. Always considering.
Erwin slipped away and hurried through the dark streets as he thought of them tangled in each other's arms. Joy that would not vanish with the morning; joy that would continue for months, years, the rest of their lives.
Erwin found himself at Eugenia's. He entered the drawing room and saw Philippe standing by the fireplace. Philippe came over.
"Want Justine?"
"No."
He lifted a brow. "Want to talk?"
"No."
Erwin paid for the room. He went upstairs, and when "Levi" shut the door Erwin pushed him to the bed and fell upon him. For a couple of hours, he forgot the world outside.
Petra barely breathed as Levi undressed her. He was delicate with the buttons on her dress, and he slipped it from her shoulders with such gentle fingers. She undid his cravat, unbuttoned his shirt, unbuckled him, and soon they were standing naked with the moonlight on their skin. She passed her palms over the firm contours of his body.
"I remember the first time we did this," she whispered. Petra gasped softly when he cupped her breasts.
"Every time we do this," he said, voice hoarse, "it feels like that time."
Her mouth fell open. "That's the most beautiful thing you could have said."
"Really? Fuck. Maybe I'm getting better at this word shit."
Petra giggled as he pushed her onto the bed. He crawled in after her, lying atop her. He gripped her wrists and held them over her head. She writhed and whimpered as his cock slid down her belly, as it disappeared between her legs. He didn't use a hand to adjust himself as he slid inside of her, going slowly. He made her feel every inch, his lips pressed to her neck as he claimed her. Petra moaned.
"I love you," he whispered. "You're mine now. Forever. That's what it means."
"Yes. And you're mine." She clenched around him. "Only you, until I die."
"Petra." He sounded undone, and began to move. She thrust her hips. He rocked into her, his breathing coming a little faster as she wrapped her legs around him and made love to him. They were joined so perfectly; they fit together. She kissed him hard. He released her wrists, and she dug her nails into his back. They kissed, groaned, cooed, gasped as they made love. It wasn't so much gentle as it was complete. Tonight, they were both of them beings of absolute love. Petra loved listening to the sound their bodies made as he went faster, lifting his hips in such a way that he struck her clit. She could feel it begin, like a small shift in the earth announcing a rockslide.
"Levi." She whimpered as he went faster, as her body tensed, as the wave surged above her in that beautiful instant before it crested. Then it broke, and so did she. She cried out and sighed as she came, and he slowed in his fucking to feel her twitch around him. When she'd spent herself, he pulled out and sat on his knees. He pulled her against him, slid back into her, and she rode him in the moonlight. Petra stared into his eyes; they were wide now, and free, and so vulnerable. She was the only one who got to see him that way, and she fucked him as hard and as well as she could until his eyes closed and he unspooled inside of her. Then they kissed until they could barely breathe.
"I can't believe I get to have this," she whispered when they'd calmed down. He stroked a hand through her hair.
"Believe me," he said. "I'm getting the better deal."
Immediately afterward, he got up and poured water for them to both wash, pleasantly tutting over the new lavender soap as he did. That man loved being clean almost as much as he loved having sex. Maybe more. Petra threw an arm across her eyes, and laughed.
Erwin could have stayed the whole night, but he let "Levi" sleep soundly, dressed in darkness, and then left. It was past one in the morning by now, and his footsteps were loud in the quiet streets. Returning to the barracks, he did not go home. Rather, he went to the stables and saddled his horse. He rode through the streets of the city and out into the countryside. He rode a long way, more than an hour, until he had reached a vast stretch of countryside with no settlements for miles.
He dismounted, tied up his horse, and then undressed. Naked, he walked another mile out of the trees, out into a wide expanse of grass and sky. Erwin looked around, finding only a small deer grazing in the distance. He waved at it.
"Shoo," he whispered. The deer only stared with wide, curious eyes.
Erwin did not use a knife. He did as Eren had, and bit into his own hand. He tasted blood, and thought, grow.
The change was instantaneous, and startling. Erwin felt as if he were still in his normal body, only now he was enormous. In the blink of an eye, the forest around him resembled miniatures painted by children for toyshop windows. He stood—in his colossal titan's form standing took nearly fifteen seconds to complete.
I'm enormous. The laws of physics won't allow me to be fleet as well.
His change, being out in the middle of a field, had done little damage, but some trees had been uprooted in the wind of his transformation. Erwin wondered if the deer was all right. He couldn't see it.
He was now a god standing in a world of children. Of insects. Of toys.
He tested walking; each step took effort to complete. Erwin hissed in frustration, and a cloud of steam issued from his mouth. He cursed, having to be careful when his skin shot steam as well, nearly setting fire to the damn forest nearby. He should have waited to do this the first time with Hange, Levi, and Eren, but he did not want to be part of a team tonight.
He wanted to be a god.
He walked, adjusting to the time it took to complete each movement. The world itself was so easy to control and understand from up here.
For the first time, Erwin Smith felt the pleasures of being a god.
I came back to protect you. Levi. Petra. I will do my duty.
Erwin walked another five miles, the journey taking little time at all with his size. He stopped when he was approaching the wall, and pulled himself halfway out of his titan. The night wind kissed his bare skin. Some of the tendons were still wound to his body, connecting him with the monstrous flesh, but he wasn't bothered by it. Erwin looked out over the moonlit wall, back to Wall Maria. Beyond that, to the sea. Beyond that, to Marley and all that waited there.
With this body and his own agile mind, what couldn't he do? Erwin lifted his human hands to the sky, and felt, for the first time, a true sense of freedom.
Of course, when the colossal's body fell to earth and he emerged, he realized he'd have to walk six miles back to his horse. Naked.
Erwin Smith merely laughed.
Levi lay with her in his arms, breathing in the scent of her hair. She stirred in her sleep, so young and soft. She sighed.
His wife. He had a wife now. Levi hadn't imagined that saying some words in front of people would make a difference, but it had. She was so near to him now. She'd promised before friends to love him alone and forever. He held her closer, and she stirred.
"Mmm." Petra's eyes opened. She grinned softly and kissed him. "Guess what?"
"What?"
"I think we just made a baby."
He grunted. "How do you know?"
"It just feels right."
"Well. Good." He kissed her cheek. "You want another go to make sure?"
She laughed, and kissed him.
"Absolutely."
He rolled on top of her, and they made love until dawn.
Months later
"Lieutenant?"
Petra's eyes fluttered open. Shit, she'd fallen asleep on the porch like an old woman, and in the middle of the day. Well, it was all right if she slept right now; in her condition…
"Majesty." Petra sat up in the rocking chair. Queen Historia stood before her. The queen wore her customary outfit of a plain white dress and sandals. A humble queen, the papers called her. A merciful goddess. Erwin had made sure they portrayed her in the right light. "I'm sorry I fell asleep."
"Of course you can! I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
Historia watched cautiously as Petra hefted herself up to stand. Her stomach extended before her, enormous. It was the last trimester, the last week before delivery. The baby kicked inside of her, as if to remind her it existed. Petra laid a hand on her bump. I know. Soon.
"Have the commander and captain returned yet?" Petra waddled across the porch, Historia at her side. They'd come to the queen's private farm to do more titan experiments. It was also a good place for Petra, the doctor said. Country air would do her good. They'd return to Trost tomorrow, where the doctors would be waiting for her to deliver. Maybe she shouldn't have come all the way out here just now, but Levi didn't like to be parted from her too long. She felt the same.
"They should be another hour or so." Historia studied Petra's belly. "How does it feel? Being pregnant?"
Petra grinned. "Eager to find out yourself?"
"Oh no." Historia shook her head. "I'm not sure about children. Not yet."
"You're still so young. If you want, there's plenty of time." Petra noticed a boy walking past—one of the farmhands, a young, tall blond man named Otto. Petra waved to him, and he waved back.
"To answer your question, it feels very heavy. It's also hard to breathe sometimes." Petra placed her hands on her back. Honestly, pregnancy was so much more exhausting than she'd ever imagined. But soon…
Kuchel or Oruo. Who are you?
"You want your baby, though?" Historia said it almost wistfully. Yes, Petra knew about the girl's unhappy childhood.
"Very much," Petra said gently.
"Good." Historia nodded. "That's good. Would you like to come inside? I'm making the children a snack."
Historia wasn't interested in ruling; she was much happier running a farm/orphanage. The children around here were so delighted, it was clear the girl was doing a good job. Petra smiled as she turned for the front door and…
"Ugh!"
"Huh?" Historia turned.
Petra felt the water coursing down her legs. They both heard it spatter on the wooden porch. The two women stared at one another, mouths open.
Then it felt like something was stabbing Petra deep in the side. She grunted and hunched over, began to topple, to fall…
Someone caught her. Otto, the young man, lifted her right off the ground.
"Majesty?" he asked, shocked.
"Get her inside to bed. Then go get a doctor!" Historia cried. Otto carried Petra indoors.
"Wait. Have someone call the captain!" she shouted. Historia yelled she was on it. Petra shut her eyes.
The baby was coming.
She'd never been this excited and terrified at once.