"Slow down." Petra laughed as they tied up the horses and went to knock on Brigitta's door. Levi practically bounded up the steps, buzzing with excitement. He knocked several times, unruffled on the surface but secretly, she knew, delighted. "Kuchel hasn't gone anywhere."
"Eh, you don't know." True. Levi never believed those he loved would be there the next day. Even years after being together, he still feared her loss at any moment. She squeezed his arm.
"Trust me."
He grunted, and the door opened. Brigitta appeared, her blue eyes going saucer wide when she saw them.
"Oh! Hi!" She quickly hugged Petra. "Ah, we didn't expect you until tomorrow."
"Kiyomi was faster getting us back from Hizuru than we expected," Petra said. She grinned, a bit puzzled as to why her sister hadn't invited them in yet. "Where's Kuchel?"
"Ah. She…" Brigitta's face paled. Petra's stomach began to sink, and she felt Levi tense.
"Something wrong?" Levi pushed past Brigitta. Her heart was pounding. What had happened? "Kuchel? Oi!"
"No no, nothing bad. That is, um…"
"Puh PAH! Puh PAH!"
Kuchel squealed with delight as she rounded the corner and toddled towards them. She was fast already—her father's daughter. Levi's shoulders sank with relief, and Petra grinned. Until…
"Oh no." She clapped a hand to her mouth as Kuchel tracked little muddy footprints behind her. Their daughter was smeared in mud from head to toe, splotches of it festooning her little blue dress. Mud clung in her hair, and covered half of her face. She squealed with delight, her little arms outstretched, ready to be picked up.
Levi looked like he was going to pass out. Petra quickly knelt and picked up her daughter under the arms. Kuchel babbled happily as Petra kissed what few clean spots existed on her face.
"Oh, hello. My precious baby, hello. Mommy missed you so much."
Kuchel wriggled, wanting a big hug. She was the most loving little girl…but so damn dirty.
Levi looked at the child with a mixture of horror and betrayal.
"She just loves mud," Brigitta whispered. She was struggling not to laugh as Levi had to put a hand to the wall to steady himself. "I've had to give her about three baths a day. The instant she gets outside, she runs straight into the garden to roll around in the dirt. We had a rain yesterday, so she's been wallowing in the mud. I think I've changed her twice by now. She loves dirt."
"Oh my god," Levi breathed. Petra struggled not to laugh as she handed him his daughter. Kuchel grew especially animated when she saw him, kicking and extending her little baby arms.
"Puh PAH!"
Levi looked ill. Kuchel reached down and wiped a muddy little hand on his jacket sleeve. Levi stared at the smudge, then glared at the child.
"I still love you," he growled, almost like he needed to convince himself. Kuchel giggled and clapped her hands.
"Here." Brigitta took Kuchel away and set her on the floor. Kuchel toddled off, giggling like mad and talking nonsense to herself. "Why don't I give her a bath, and you two have some tea? Then we can all sit down and talk for a bit. How was your trip?"
The bottles of hormones were safe in Petra's trunk. She didn't dare hand them over just yet, though. She wanted Hange to look at them first, and see if she couldn't get information out of Kiyomi.
"It was fun. Tiring." Petra smiled; had to make it look like nothing too terrible had happened. Even though it had. Seeing Kuchel had pushed Fischer's dead face from her mind for a few blissful moments, but these past days she'd existed under a cloud.
"Bath. Where?" Levi really looked like he was about to collapse.
"Sorry. Let me just get her."
As Brigitta said that, Kuchel toddled across the hallway, still laughing. And completely naked.
"Oh! Right, also she's going through kind of a nudist phase," Brigitta said as she gave chase.
"Breathe. Breathe," Petra whispered, wrapping an arm around Levi as he started to turn green.
"See how nice this is?" Levi asked through clenched teeth. Kuchel was sitting in Brigitta's bathtub, splashing in the soapy water. He lathered her hair until it was a cloud of white foam. Kuchel grinned as she reached for the soap bubbles, mystified when they popped. "Yeah. Soap is so much better than mud. Look how fun this is."
He had never fainted before in his life, but the sight of a muddy Kuchel had brought him to the brink.
"We love staying clean. We love it." He whispered it like a prayer, over and over. There. Now that his daughter was clean and pink and glowing again, the moment of stress dissipated. Levi took a deep breath. He and Petra didn't have a garden, so the kid wouldn't be able to get her mud fix. Maybe for her next birthday, he'd get her a mop of her very own. Never too early to drill cleanliness into her.
Kuchel giggled, then talked nonsense like 'bah bah oo' sounds over and over. Now that she was clean, he remembered how damn cute she was. Levi poured water over her, plastering her dark hair to her head. Kuchel rubbed her eyes as he lifted her out of the bath and wrapped her in a towel. She smelled like soap now, the perfect scent. She smiled at him. Waved.
"Yeah. Missed you, too," he muttered.
They got the kid dressed and took her home. Opening up his front door after weeks away, Levi felt an indescribable sense of peace. He liked the lemon scent of the floor wax, the way dust motes danced in sunbeams through the window. Petra carried Kuchel upstairs while he dragged in the trunks and laid them against the wall. Time to unpack later. Right now, he wanted to be home.
Weird to have a home. A family. When he thought of how narrowly he'd avoided never seeing his daughter again, he felt a sharp pang of something like fear. He took off his boots and put them in the hall closet, then went up to enjoy some much needed relaxation.
When he opened the bedroom door, he got the opposite.
Petra sat on the bed, cuddling Kuchel and crying. Not a few sniffles, full on crying. Tears streaked her face, which was turning a blotchy red. She kissed the baby, cried, kissed the baby again. Kuchel started whimpering, her face screwing up to cry as well. Shit.
"Petra. I got her." Levi lifted Kuchel into his arms. His daughter calmed immediately, but his wife did not. Petra started to say something, then burst into tears again. There was a wild, unhinged quality to her crying that scared him. "Baby. What the—?"
"I can't…I can't…" She struggled to get herself under control, sucking in deep breaths but never getting a full sentence out. She wiped her cheeks. Cursing, Levi went to Kuchel's room and quickly laid her down in her crib bed. She was an easy baby, happy to reach for a doll while he went back to deal with his wife. He found her lying on her side, curled up in a ball. She cried and cried, gasping 'sorry' now and then.
Levi's impulse was to leave. Let her have her cry, come back when she wanted to talk. But he'd been Petra's husband a while now, and he'd learned one thing: when she was this upset, not talking to her was bound to make everything much, much worse. So even though it wasn't his natural inclination, Levi sat on the bed next to her.
"Okay, baby. Just breathe." He was gentle with her, awkward as he felt. He leaned over and kissed her temple; already her sobs were lessening. Good. "I felt weird when I saw her again, too."
That was the truth. He imagined never picking Kuchel up in his arms again, and the thought made him almost frantic.
"It's n-not that. Not just that." Petra sniffled. Levi gave her his handkerchief, let her wipe her face. She bunched the handkerchief in her fist as she sat up. Petra's lip quivered, her face screwed up. Another round was coming.
"Is it what happened in the jungle?" Fuck. He hadn't wanted to do this, but he couldn't have Petra this distraught. She bit her lip and nodded, squeezed her eyes shut. Tears leaked down her cheeks again. "All right. You, uh, want to talk about it?"
"You said we shouldn't—"
"We're out of that shit place now. We're safe. Unless it's something that'll make a big difference to Erwin, I can keep a secret."
Petra breathed. She leaned against the headboard and closed her eyes.
Her stomach growled. Loudly.
"Oh." She looked genuinely surprised. Fucking adorable. "Sorry. Let me just eat something first and—"
She started getting up, all earnestness and purpose again. She was all emotion and passion and gentleness and strength. Again, he fell in love with her. Levi gently pressed her back.
"We got nothing in the house. Remember? Didn't want rats." He kissed her. "I'm gonna head to the market, get some stuff for dinner."
"Oh, I can—"
"Know you can. I'm doing it. You lie here and calm down. That's an order." His voice was flat. She wrestled against a smile. "I'll come back, make something, then we'll talk. Meantime, you want to sit with Kuchel?"
She nodded, relief washing over her face. Damn brat. He didn't ever want her to lose the ability to feel fully. It was one of the things he needed her for. What he loved about her. Levi brought in their daughter with one of her dolls and a storybook. Petra cuddled Kuchel who babbled happily and chewed on her doll's arm.
"Thank you," she said quietly. Levi kissed her again.
"You'd do the same."
The market wasn't too far from the house, and Levi had his pick of the good stuff. Every stallkeeper was still only too happy to serve him, even after a couple of years. He got some potatoes, carrots, celery, eggs, some bread, even a small roasted chicken because why the fuck not? When he passed a fruit stall, he hesitated. Fuck it. He bought a peach. Insisted on paying full price for everything
When he slipped into a tea shop, though, he was happy to accept some of their finest blend for free.
As he walked the market, checking prices and the firmness of a piece of fruit, he flashed back to himself ten years ago. Young man, lord of the underground. He remembered Furlan standing by his side, grinning down at a vanquished enemy, boss of a rival territory. Levi had shoved the toe of his boot into the bastard's mouth while the guy whimpered. 'You don't need teeth to talk," Levi said before kicking them out.
He thought of himself three years ago, swinging through the air and slashing a fifteen meter's nape before landing on a rooftop, covered in blood.
Now here he was, buying groceries and thinking about preparing dinner for his wife and daughter.
And he didn't hate it. But it felt fucking weird.
Guess you really don't know where life'll take you.
Levi Ackerman fought a smile as he walked home with a full bag of groceries over his shoulder. He let himself in, listened as Petra's voice rose and fell; she was reading Kuchel a story. Decided not to butt in on that. He put the food away, then got to prepping a meal.
Levi'd never understood why some men got all blustery about never cooking, or it being demeaning or some shit. He'd had no one to rely on for food for most of his life, and definitely no one to cook it for him. Cooking was a necessary life skill underground, same as sewing a button, same as knocking a guy's teeth out or running an illegal gambling ring. Really, it was just food. Middle class people were idiots.
He cleaned and sliced the vegetables, put them in a pot, then filled it with water and let it cook. The soup'd take too long to be a meal tonight, but they'd have it ready to go tomorrow. Meanwhile he sliced some bread, cut up the chicken. Easy meal. He placed the food on plates and set them on the table, then thought better of it and got out a tray. Glad now Brigitta had given it to them as an anniversary present. 'If you want breakfast in bed', she'd said. Levi hadn't understood her words. He placed the chicken and bread on the tray, then cut up the peach and sat it alongside. He finished it up by brewing some tea, poured two cups. Then, carefully, he carried the meal upstairs.
Petra was reading some story to Kuchel about mice helping a princess go to a ball. Weird shit. When his wife saw him, she gaped. Kuchel by now was fast asleep against her mother.
"Put her on the foot of the bed," he whispered. She did as asked, then took the tray. While Petra got it settled for them, Levi picked Kuchel up and took her to her room. He laid her into her little crib bed, freezing when she gave a grunt. But she didn't wake. He pulled the blanket up, put her doll in beside her. Then he stood over her and just looked.
She really was the image of him, or his mother. Made him picture himself at that age. Made him remember the earthen walls of the whorehouse, the lack of natural light, the leering bastards tearing at his mother's skirts. Thought of the scum of the underworld standing over his little bed, staring down at him with cruel smiles. Thought of that one rough customer with his erect, veiny dick, sloppy and wet, the matted chest hair, the sweaty smell. The one who threw his mom to the floor, picked Levi up and chucked him against the wall like he was trash. Levi felt nausea rock his gut. He shut his eyes tight, and when he opened them he saw only his daughter in her little room above ground, tucked into her clean bed with her toys put away in a chest in the corner. He saw the pink and white curtains Petra had sewed and hung by the windows. He saw a little painted rocking horse Pieter had made. Kuchel slept soundly, secure in being loved and cared for. His mother had loved him more than anything, but she hadn't been able to care for him. Wasn't her fault, she'd done her best, but Levi would bear the scars of that failure for the rest of his life. He wanted Kuchel to have no scars. He wanted her life to be free of blemishes and pain, much as he could make it. He wanted her to grow up in this house, to play with kids in the streets, to always have three full meals a day. He wanted her to be carefree and laughing. He'd kill for her to have everything he never had.
Levi kissed her cheek. Kuchel stirred, but didn't wake. His little baby. She'd turned him all the way around, altered his mind. And he was afraid. He was afraid that she'd softened him to the point he might be less effective.
Maybe if he'd been the hardass he used to be, Petra wouldn't be crying in their bedroom right now.
But he could never trade his little girl for toughness. Light of his damn life.
"Love you," he whispered. He shut the door and went back to Petra. She placed the tray on the bed between them. He got an extra sheet out of their bottom drawer, made her lift the tray so he could spread it on the blanket like an indoor picnic. "You spill anything, it'll be your ass," he said. Petra made a face, and smiled.
"You know just how to sweet talk a woman."
They ate, drank, and he let the food do its work. Petra looked calmer now. Her cheeks were still swollen from crying, but her eyes got brighter. He liked watching her eat, take pleasure in a leg of chicken or a sip of tea. She glowed when she got to the peach.
"Be a good girl and finish that," he said. She wrinkled her nose at him.
"Yes, Dad."
"Hey. I'm an old man, but I ain't that old." She leaned over and kissed him. The kiss tasted like tea and peaches. "Why'd you ever fall in love with an old, grumpy bastard anyway?" he muttered. She was so damn young. Sometimes he felt like he'd done something wrong, taking a much younger girl.
"Because I really don't feel the age difference." She shrugged. "I never have. It doesn't hurt that you look so young." She grinned at Levi's irritation. He hated having a damn baby face. "And because there was a lot you still didn't know when we got together."
"Like how to fuck. Made up for that, didn't I?"
She blushed deep. "Very much. But more than that, you needed to learn how to be with somebody. Erwin's not much older than you, but if he'd gone after me it would've felt wrong because of how much more experience he has in everything. You felt right for me."
"Stunted for someone my age, you mean."
"I mean right. If you hadn't been just the way you were, we wouldn't have matched like we did." She took his hand. "You know more about some things, and I know more about some things. That makes us equal."
Yeah. She was so much wiser than he was in a bunch of ways. Levi cleared the empty tray, setting it against the wall, then got back onto the bed with her. Then she was in his arms, her lips on his. His dick throbbed, and he wanted to get naked and have a good time. After two weeks of being paranoid every time he looked at her, being allowed to have wild screaming sex whenever they wanted felt luxurious. But he knew his wife so well at this point. First, he had to deal with the crying.
"Wanna tell me what the problem earlier was?"
Petra sighed. He held her, propped his chin on the top of her head. She was silent a minute.
"I…I need to tell you what happened when I went to Fischer's office that night."
And she told him how she snuck in with a bag of clothes for the girls. How she had to use a hairpin to try getting them out. How the doctor found her, attacked her, and how she had to use the skills Levi had taught her to kill the man. Honestly, a petite woman snapping the guy's neck like a twig made Levi a little grotesquely proud. He'd trained her well. She could handle herself. But when she mentioned killing the bastard, her shoulders began to heave once more and Levi had to kiss her, let her cry.
First time she thought she killed someone, she'd thrown up and screamed at him, lost her damn mind. She was more collected this time, but the agony was still there.
"You saved them," he whispered. "More than that, you saved yourself. And me. And Erwin. And the operation."
"If I hadn't gone there, you would never have been in danger." She bawled against his shoulder.
"I told the kids on my squad before: I don't know what's necessarily right. Erwin made sense when he said we had to let the girls go to save ourselves. But hearing you now, this story feels right. If that'd been Kuchel, I…" He couldn't let himself imagine it. "I would've let the world burn to get her out. I was a hypocrite, being willing to let those girls go; you weren't." He kissed her forehead. "I'm proud of you," he whispered. "Even if setting the place on fire was overkill."
He felt her hesitate. Levi frowned at his wife.
"About that," she murmured.
"What? The girls did it?"
Petra froze. She seemed trapped, and he knew that dazed look. Two parts of her were arguing with each other.
"Oi. You clearly got something to tell me. Tell me."
"I…" She shook now, her whole body trembling. Her teeth chattered. He held her tight, rubbed her back. Fuck, what had happened? He wanted to rip it apart, whatever had done this to her. "Someone saw what I'd done. Zeke. He came in after I'd killed Fischer."
Levi's brain lit up, lightning crawling everywhere. He wanted that filthy monkey dead, and the bastard had messed with his wife?
"What'd he do to you?" Levi growled.
"Nothing." Her voice was small. "He helped me. He set the girls free, and burned down the place so there'd be no evidence. He's on our side, after all."
"Okay. I hate the guy, but it sounds like he didn't fuck up." Levi frowned. "I still don't get why it freaked you out so much."
"He scares me a little. I don't know what he wants."
"Erwin said the same thing."
"And…"
"And?"
Petra lay against his chest now. She'd gone almost boneless, her eyes half lidded. The fear had drained her energy.
"You got anything to add to that? I think you do."
Petra sat up. She looked him in the eye. She took a deep breath.
"Zeke…knows that you and Erwin are trying to edge him out. He knows you're trying to make Paradis independent of him."
"Well. He's not a stupid monkey, I'll give him that." Levi crossed his arms. "He say anything to you about it?"
"Yes. He…" She rubbed her eyes. "He wants to get what he was promised. Coming to Paradis. And meeting Eren."
"Yeah, I know. He mentioned it in his damn terms and conditions." Levi sighed, pulled her against him. He liked having her in his arms. He'd spent over three decades never having anyone to cling to. Even Isabel had only ever given him a quick hug around the neck and then she was out the door again. Levi shut his eyes, luxuriated in the warmth of another human body. "Zeke'll be dealt with. Don't worry."
"So…" She sounded wary. "He won't be coming to Paradis?"
"I trust Erwin. He's going to fix this whole situation, the whole damn world. He already talked that Tybur guy into regaining his power, he's damn persuasive. Pretty soon we won't need Zeke Jaeger. Trust me."
She sighed deeply. "I trust you." He kissed her. "Also…"
Once more, she looked hesitant.
"Yeah?"
Petra shut her eyes. She gathered her courage. She spoke.
"Zeke was the one outside our room listening to us have sex."
"That dirty fucking animal," Levi snapped. He hated to imagine Zeke Fucking Jaeger standing there smugly while Levi moaned and gasped and cried out in ecstasy. Or maybe Jaeger got off on it, even worse. Levi sneered. Petra kissed him. "Yeah, I see why you didn't want to tell me that."
"He's so creepy," she whispered. He gathered her in his arms.
"Yeah. But you know what?" He kissed her again. "He's not here right now, is he?"
"No. We're alone." She put her arms around him. "I want to be yours tonight."
He loved those words on her lips. He kissed those lips, then let her undress him as he undressed her. Their lovemaking was slow, sensual, feeling every bit of each other. Petra climaxed early, then climaxed again when he neared his own end. She clung to him, wrapped herself tight around him. Her face flushed with pleasure. She looked weightless.
Sometimes all it took was a good cry. Huh. Who knew?
When they'd finished, she took the tray downstairs, teasing him that he'd done enough today—especially in the last twenty minutes. Levi washed up, and soon they were back in bed, wrapped in each other's arms. He wasn't much for sleeping, and lay awake long after she'd fallen into a deep sleep. But before he got up to wander the house, make tea and sit at the kitchen table until three in the morning, he liked holding her.
If he lost her, if he ever lost her, they wouldn't be able to fix him.
It scared the shit out of him, but he also wouldn't have it any other way.
I trust Erwin.
Petra sailed off to sleep with those words in her head. Levi was right. Erwin would fix this situation. He would remove the need for Zeke Jaeger, and somehow turn this world upside down. Only he could.
She'd told Levi enough to ease her conscience. He didn't need to know about a deal that was never going to be called in anyway.
Petra decided to put Zeke and his deal out of her mind, and look to the future.
She slept very well.
Erwin opened the front door softly and heard music. Marie was playing the phonograph, listening to one of the operas Erwin had gotten from Kiyomi. It was Kronus, his favorite. Too cerebral for many, but not for her. Erwin shut the door and crept over to the parlor. He gazed in at her. She was standing before her easel, trying desperately to capture a pink slant of light as the sun went down. Her sleeves were rolled, and a dab of blue was smeared on her temple. When she was working, she couldn't be disturbed.
She was sensual, and alive, and brilliant. Erwin grinned as he entered the room fully.
When Marie saw him, she gasped and dropped her brush. Paint splattered on the floor, but they'd clean that easily enough. Marie rushed over to him, already crying.
"Oh thank god. Thank god," she whispered, folding into his arms. Erwin stood in a room filled with light, a woman who loved him in his embrace. She smelled of turpentine and roses. Erwin lifted her chin.
"I love you," he said, delighted as ever with the truth of the words. She beamed, and kissed him. He picked her up and spun her once, overcome with the ecstasy of being alive in this moment. Marie laughed when he set her down, kissing him over and over.
"I love you," she echoed.
They stayed in one another's arms until long after the sun went down.
"Isn't it a pretty horse? Yeah, the prettiest." Levi held Kuchel up to his horse. The mare stuck her head over her stall door and blustered as Kuchel wonderingly patted her face. His horse was a bruiser, an absolute machine of an animal, but so gentle as well. The creature was calm as Kuchel gripped a handful of its forelock and yanked. Levi cussed, but his horse only gently lipped at the girl's legs. Kuchel chuckled and let go. Levi put her in one arm and stroked the horse's muzzle with the other. The mare blustered, content when he patted her. "This one's been with me from the day I joined the military."
Levi took up a carrot and showed Kuchel how to feed the horse. The mare nickered in pleasure, crunching away. Kuchel clapped her hands gleefully.
The horse gently nosed at the child's head. He knew they'd get along.
"Hello, Captain!" A stablehand saluted him with awkward eagerness.
"Get her saddled up for me. We're riding out in half an hour," Levi said. It was a week after the return home. He and Erwin had to go up to Mitras for a meeting with Historia and a bunch of high lords. Fancy, boring shit. Petra got to stay behind and oversee training and spend time with Kuchel. Lucky girl.
"Yes, sir." He beamed as Levi stroked the horse's snout again. "She seems to like you."
"Damn right she does. Best friend I've got in the service." His horse blustered in seeming happiness. He gave her a small smile.
"They're magnificent creatures." The stablehand sighed, shook his head. "At least she'll have one more good year before we have to put her down."
Levi froze. The only reason he didn't instinctively wallop the guy was because he was holding Kuchel. He turned a deadly gaze on the stablehand, who looked ready to shit himself at the sight of Levi's 'fuck you' face.
"What'd you say?" he growled.
"Ah. Next year she's f-fifteen. That's the age service horses have to r-retire. Um." He was sweating.
"So retire her," Levi growled. His horse nickered.
"Ah, these animals, I mean, that is, the upkeep required is, uh, very expensive on the m-military and, uh, if they're not useful then—"
"The day I'm not 'useful' anymore, you gonna put a bullet in my fucking head?"
Kuchel started fussing; she didn't like her father's angry voice.
"N-No! No, sir. But you're, uh, a person. She's just—"
"You say 'just a horse' I'll take both your legs off." Levi approached the quivering kid. "Let me explain this to you: when she 'retires' she is going to be kept fat and happy on oats and shit until she dies natural. You get it?"
"S-Sir, you need to take that up with the S-S-S—"
"I will. Fucking believe it. Now get out of here! I don't want you touching her again," Levi sneered. The kid ran, almost ran straight into Petra. She gasped as he swerved around her and sprinted away. His wife entered the stable looking bewildered.
"Levi! What the—"
"Hold her." Levi handed Kuchel to Petra, then went and collected his horse's tack. His eye was twitching as he opened the horse's door and led her out, hooves clopping as he hooked her into place to prep her for a ride. "Damn son of a bitch. Damn cheap military bastards," Levi growled, taking off her blanket and brushing her down. Petra approached carefully.
"Did he say he's going to retire her soon?"
"Kill her. That's what he said. Well, it ain't happening. I'll snap his damn legs like twigs if he tries." Levi slapped the saddle blanket onto the horse's back. Petra came up beside him, and kissed his cheek. That calmed him. A little.
"Erwin won't let him do that. I'm sure he'll give her to you as a present. She'll be fine. So will you."
Kuchel babbled. Levi shut his eyes. Petra knew how to soothe him. He let her kiss him again.
"Okay," he muttered. "But if anything happens to this horse—"
"After what just happened, I think all the stablehands will stay well away from her." Petra grinned.
"Just…" Levi looked at the horse. She looked fine. Healthy. Prime of life. "She's the only thing in this stupid world never disappointed me."
"I know." Petra didn't sound insulted. Just the truth. "Well. That and Kuchel."
"Yeah." He let Petra hand him the kid again. Kuchel waved at the horse and made a kissing noise.
"Hohse." She tried to wrap her mouth around another word.
"Did you hear that?" Petra gasped.
"Yeah. Horse. That's a horse, good job. You got it, Kuchel."
"Hohse. Hohse."
"Great! That makes three now. Oh, you're so amazing." Petra took Kuchel back, bouncing her and praising her in a sing song voice. So far Kuchel had puh-PAH, mumma, and now hohse. Real brilliant kid. Levi puffed himself up as he finished prepping his "hohse."
Soon he and Erwin were saddled up and ready to ride. Levi hugged Kuchel and kissed Petra once more. Fuck, even a day or two away from them pained him. Marie had come along to see them off, and hung on Erwin a second before he mounted. The two waved goodbye to the women and headed out of town, leaving Marie to her painting and Petra to managing the 104th assholes. God help her.
Levi was silent until they stopped by the side of the road for a rest. It was almost September, and a nice touch of coolness tinged the air. The very tips of the leaves were turning gold. Erwin took a swig from a water skin, and handed it to Levi.
"Oi. Wanted to ask something." Levi nodded at his grazing horse. "When she retires next year, I don't want her put down."
"That can be arranged," Erwin said. Good. But he continued, "You'll have to find a place to put her, though. Maybe Historia's farm. She'd be happy up there, and good for the children."
"She's my horse," Levi muttered. His. He owned so little in this world. Erwin looked at him with something like surprised amusement.
"You can visit her. She won't go anywhere."
"Don't want another." It was fucking childish, but the thought of that animal not being with him drove him half crazy.
"That's the tragedy of living past a certain age. Eventually, everything changes." Erwin sighed. "You can keep her stabled in the city, but you'd have to pay her food and lodging yourself."
"Fine."
"That comes out to a hundred gold pieces a year, Levi. This breed of horse isn't cheap."
Fuck. That was more than he made in a year. With Petra's salary they'd have a little more than enough, but they also had a kid to raise.
"Ah." His head turned black as a raincloud.
"Let's talk about it later." Erwin mounted up again. "There's plenty of time. She's not going anywhere today."
No. True. She wasn't. But as Levi got back in the saddle, all he could feel was another loss galloping towards him, overtaking him. This horse had seen all the worst shit with him. Furlan and Isabel's deaths. The titans, the loss of his squad, Shiganshina. They both knew the same world. Her going away would be just another friend abandoning him.
Idiot. Shouldn't feel this way. But he couldn't help it as they rode to Mitras. He was already mourning the goodbye.
This meeting was not going well. Erwin had anticipated that.
Upon arriving in Mitras, he'd sat down with Historia and a long table filled with fat, happy lords. They were obsequious to him as he entered. They wanted their interests looked after, and thought Erwin was the man to do it. How wrong they were.
"I have seen Marley," he told the assembled room, Levi seated to his right. "I've seen what it will take to prepare to meet them in battle if it should come to that."
"We have the power of the titans," one of the men, Lord Bertelheim, blustered.
"Oi. Erwin's a fucking beast in titan form, and so's Eren. But if you shitheads think two titans can stand up against five more, plus tanks, airships, and warships you'd better think again."
"Zeke Jaeger is on our side," Bertelheim said, obviously upset but not wanting to risk Levi's wrath.
"Trust me, that's not the big win you seem to think it is," Levi growled.
"Mining has to go into full production now," Erwin said, trying to keep on topic. "We have to prepare for a worst case scenario, invasion of the island. We need raw material to use for weapons, and we need extra space and funds to train new recruits. I'm working on a solution that will keep us from war, but if it comes to that we need whole battalions of soldiers." He steepled his fingers. "Feeding and sheltering that many people costs money. In addition, there's the human capital required to mine enough crystals to have our weapons up to date in six to eight months." The timeline had moved up dramatically.
"Of course. So." Bertelheim drummed his fingers. "Are you asking for a loan?"
The lords looked indulgently at him. Sitting at the other end of the table, Historia looked puzzled.
"It's more of an estate tax," Erwin said. "For the next two quarters at least, the military will require fifty percent of all your income. In addition—"
"The fuck did you say?" one of the older men barked. Levi glowered.
"—in addition, for those estates bringing in over one hundred thousand gold coin per annum, the rate goes up to seventy five percent. And one third of your properties must be made available as housing for recruits and expansion for training purposes."
"That's outrageous!" Bertelheim leapt to his feet, his jowls quivering in indignation. "You can't kick us off our own land! You money grubbing…" He slammed his fist on the table, upsetting pens. "How are we supposed to live?"
"If you can't live on twenty five thousand a year, maybe you need to cut some expenses," Levi drawled. At the sight of the Supreme Commander's bloodhound, the lord backed off. A little.
"We have to pay our servants. Our employees would suffer."
"Employees have been taken into my calculations. You would be able to comfortably pay your staffs and have plenty left over for yourselves. Gentlemen, I am asking for two quarters of the year. Of one year. Though when this is all over, it might be worthwhile looking over the tax code for—"
Someone coughed. All attention turned to Lord Siegfried Morgenstern. The thin, gray man looked at Erwin with barely contained malice. Well. They had a checkered history.
"You forget yourself, Smith. You may ask, as Supreme Commander, for this allowance. You may not demand it."
"Yeah!" Bertelheim shouted. The lords grumbled agreement.
"Only the crown may redistribute a lord's resources. It's not only custom, it's written into law. The military does not control the nobility. You have overstepped the mark. Greatly." Siegfried sat back, pleased with himself.
Erwin looked to Historia. She frowned. He knew she wanted to grant his request, but he also knew that her role as queen was precarious. If the nobility went against her, she'd have a friend in the military to back her up, but then he'd be accused of leading a takeover, installing a true military regime. That would sour public opinion.
For the moment, he backed off.
"Then I would ask, gentlemen, that you consider my request."
"Considered." Siegfried gave a bloodless smile. "Denied."
The men grunted agreement. Levi sneered at the assembly.
"Hope you soft fucks don't mind getting your asses shelled to hell and back. Least you'll die holding onto your money. It's all you bitches care about, after all."
The lords lost some of their smugness at the captain's crude words. Ah, Levi. Ever one for succinctness.
The meeting ended soon after, and the lords filed out while deliberately avoiding Erwin's gaze. He was not so beloved now. Shit.
And again, Historia looked at him with sad, understanding eyes.
They didn't even stay the night in the palace. It had gone so poorly that Erwin and Levi watered their horses and turned back for home. They'd be there by nightfall.
"How do we get the cash now?" Levi asked.
"The only other possibility would be to tax the middle class and poor to excess." Erwin frowned. "I won't."
"Damn right." Levi sighed. "Still. We need the soldiers and the miners. How do we get them?"
Erwin was so quiet and for so long that Levi had to say his name a couple of times to get a response.
"Sorry. I was thinking…" Erwin shrugged. "I was thinking about what Willy Tybur said."
"About what?"
"About stories. One good story." Erwin winced. "I think I know what I have to do now."
"Then do it."
"That's just it. I don't want to." Erwin sped up his horse, deliberately avoiding riding side by side with Levi for a while. Eventually, the captain took the hint. He didn't ask what Erwin planned, though he looked unhappy. All of Erwin's schemes tended to be wild.
This one would be no different.
"I was thinking," Erwin said late that night. Marie lay naked in his arms. They'd finally caught their breath after a round of athletic sex.
"Mmm?" She gently toyed with the hair on his chest. "What amazing thoughts are you entertaining now?"
"They're not amazing. Not all of them." He grinned as she kissed his neck. He held her tight in his arms, loving the warmth of her naked body. "I was thinking how I lived without you for almost twenty years. Now that I have you, I think about all that I missed."
"You can't think like that, Erwin." She propped herself on an elbow and looked down on him. "We're together now. That's what counts."
The moonlight shone on her face. He kissed her, coaxed her back into his arms.
"I sent you away because I believed I had a duty," he said.
"But that duty's over now," she whispered.
"It is and it isn't. Paradis still needs to be saved. Eldians worldwide need to be liberated."
"And you'll do it." She hugged him. "And I'll be there at your side to help you."
He kissed the top of her head.
"Yes," he whispered. "I want you to know that whatever happens to me, I'll always want you at my side."
She frowned. "What are you planning now?"
"It's no plan. Only an idea." He kissed her lips again and again. "It may not even come to fruition."
They made love, but his mind was elsewhere the whole time.
Two weeks later, he and Levi were back in Mitras. This time, Eren and Mikasa and Hange were with them. Kiyomi had come to meet Mikasa—to whom she seemed genuinely affectionate—but she was also there for another, more important discussion.
Erwin had heard it before, the idea of "the Rumbling." Using the wall titans, with the power of the Founding Titan, to trample the entire world underfoot. Total annihilation of all life outside Paradis. Sheer madness. However, the idea of a miniature "rumbling" to prove Paradis's strength might buy the island time to catch up with the world. According to Kiyomi.
"You've made some staggering progress already," Kiyomi said, giving a compliment to Hange and a warning to Erwin. She did not want them to grow too independent of her, Erwin realized. Like Zeke. "However, you will need at least another two, maybe three decades before you're prepared to meet the world as a fully integrated nation."
I'd ask for a second opinion, but there's none to get. Erwin smiled. The idea was to keep them helpless, afraid.
"I know your recent reconnaissance mission was a success," Kiyomi said to him.
"Please thank your nephew again for being a most gracious host."
"Of course. But you mustn't run before you can walk. Your weaponry, while impressive, is still in the prototype stage. Your diplomacy, if you can call it that, is non-existent or at least based solely on a lie. Willy Tybur is not the entire world; he can't snap his fingers and make everyone forget their hatred and fear. You can't think of arming yourselves for war. It would be a massacre. You need to go slowly."
"How should we do that?" Pixis asked. He sat on the other side of the table and frowned. Nile was there too, and wouldn't look at Erwin.
"You must have a display of "rumbling" so that the world leaves you alone for a few decades. You must always have the potential of that earth-shaking power. And to that end," she said, looking at Eren and then Historia, "you must always possess the Founding Titan and a titan of royal blood."
It got very quiet. Everyone understood: only Zeke and Historia had royal blood, and Zeke's 'term' would soon be up.
"The person of royal blood who receives the titan must spend the next thirteen years bearing as many children as possible." Kiyomi finished her statement, and sat with folded hands and greedy eyes.
"This is Zeke's plan?" Levi growled. He looked at Historia with quiet pain. Erwin knew he was fond of the girl. "Some shitty plan."
"You must understand," Kiyomi said, but Historia interrupted her.
"I'll do it." The girl looked resolute. Little as she was, in that moment she seemed bigger than anyone else in the room. "If it's the only way for us to survive, I'll do it."
Brave girl. Erwin recalled the kid who'd defied his orders in Orvud District, the girl determined to kill her own father to gain the role of queen in a 'legitimate' manner. Historia understood the importance of a good story.
She understood it well.
Before another word could be said, Eren stood up. There was a cold certainty in his eyes that Erwin had never seen before.
"If peace has to be bought with children bred and killed like livestock, then I reject Zeke Jaeger's plan," he said.
"Atta boy," Levi grumbled, but only to Erwin. He was practical enough to keep his mouth shut otherwise.
"Can't we spend the time we have looking for every possible option? Why rush to this one?" Eren asked Erwin. In that moment, the boy looked like a man twice his age. World weary. Disheartened.
Erwin looked at Historia, who was…crying.
She tried to hide her tears, but she was evidently overcome by at least one person trying to save her life, and the lives of her children.
"Is there another way?" Pixis directed this question at Erwin.
"As Eren says. We should have time to consider every avenue." He nodded at Kiyomi. "While we search for an alternative, we would much appreciate it if you would kindly continue to act as our go-between with the outside world, Lady Kiyomi."
"Of course. No decision must be made now." Kiyomi gave an indulgent smile. "We will happily continue to help."
You'll give us disguises and let us snoop around the world, but you won't agitate on our behalf. You'll give us enough to make us believe you care, but you'll keep Paradis all to yourself. You'll sacrifice Historia to attain our crystals.
Erwin was impressed with the woman. It was something he himself would do, wretched creature that he was.
Erwin glanced at Historia again. She was struggling to hide her tears. Eren glared at the table, and Mikasa watched him with evident concern.
"That poor kid," Levi breathed. He shook his head. "After that Tybur ceremony, I get it. It's shit."
Yes. She would have to leave her children when they were still very young. One of them would eat its own mother. The curse and pain would continue for decades at least. Maybe beyond.
"There is only one way to avoid this sad path, I think," Erwin said. Kiyomi frowned, puzzled. "If Paradis were to step onto the world stage itself and change its narrative, we would be safe within a short amount of time."
Kiyomi inhaled sharply, struggling not to laugh.
"A pretty fantasy," she said. "I would love for that to come to pass. If only it could."
"Yes." Erwin again looked at Historia. "Just a thought."
The meeting came to an end. Levi went back to his room to rest and brood. The plan had left a sour taste in the captain's mouth. All of Historia's friends looked glum. The queen herself, once finished crying, was quite unruffled.
When Erwin went to her private chamber, though, he found her sitting on a sofa bawling into her hands.
He couldn't imagine the fear. The misery of living a stunted life as a breeding machine. The agony of condemning her own children to that pain.
"Historia," he said gently. He didn't address her formally. Not now.
"Sorry!" She gasped, sat up, and wiped her cheeks. "S-Sorry."
"Please. You were extraordinarily composed in there." He sat in a chair across from her. "You're a credit to us all."
"Thank you, commander." She smiled weakly. He gave her his handkerchief, which she used. "Do you think…it'll come down to that plan?"
"We'll use the time we have to research every possible option," he said. He paused. "But I have to tell you, it's almost certain we'll run out of time and options if we follow Kiyomi's path."
Historia sniffed. She studied her hands.
"It makes me feel like a bad girl," she whispered. "Part of me wanted to tell her she couldn't kill me. Part of me wanted to tell her to shut up."
"It's no bad thing to value your own life."
"That sounds like something Ymir would say." She smiled weakly, then cried some more. Erwin didn't know the depth of relationship between the two girls—he knew only that they'd trained together—but he gathered it had been uncommonly close.
"Perhaps you should listen to Ymir."
Historia blinked at him, wiped her tears again. "Huh?"
"Historia." Erwin clenched his fist. "Kiyomi wants to box us into a corner. She's determined to have our resources, even if she has to cripple our foreign policy to get them. If we make conservative moves and bets now, we'll get nowhere. The world will continue to hate us. If we go mewling to them on bended knee, they'll kick us in the teeth. If we try to destroy them—if we show them a "rumbling" of any kind—they'll fear us, but never trust us. We have to enter the world's arena on our own terms. With our own narrative."
"Narrative." She spoke the word dreamily. "Yeah. I like it."
"You understand stories, don't you?"
"My sister taught me to love books," she said softly. Yes, Frieda Reiss. Probably the cruelest thing Grisha Jaeger had done was to kill that gentle girl.
"If we allow Hizuru to tell our story for us, the world will remain deaf. Or they'll grow irritated. But if we present ourselves as we wish to be seen, we can take our rightful place. Rescue our captive brothers and sisters. And all without bloodshed."
"That sounds amazing." She frowned. "But Erwin, it also sounds like a fantasy."
"All impossible goals sound fantastical. But sometimes they become reality." After all, someone had once decided that man could fly. People had probably laughed until he built an airship, and then they believed. "If we tell the right story, Historia, our dream can become real." Erwin took a deep breath. "And I need you to help me tell it. I need you for many things."
"Yes. Okay." Historia leaned forward now, determination in her eyes. All business. "What do I have to do, commander?"
Erwin offered his hand.
"You have to marry me."