Erwin got out of the car and looked at the farmhouse. The front door opened, and a young man stepped onto the porch.

"Hello? Who's there?" he called.

"The king," Erwin replied evenly. The door opened again, and Historia stepped out beside the young man. His wife had her golden hair down, and was dressed in her simple farm maid's outfit.

"It's all right, Otto." She walked down to him. "Erwin? What is it?"

"There's been a significant setback," he said. "Zeke Jaeger killed our soldiers and attempted to meet with Eren in order to use the Founder. He's dead now."

"Oh." In the mere headlights of the car, it was hard to read her expression. But she looked ill.

"Majesty?"

Mikasa Ackerman came running towards him out of the dark. She, Sasha, and Jean had been sent up here to 'guard' Historia while Zeke remained on the island. The girl's eyes were wide. "Eren. You said Eren?"

"Mikasa." He wanted to be gentle with the girl. She was their second strongest warrior, and certainly sweeter than Levi. Erwin knew what this would do to her. "Please set up a guard around the perimeter with Jean and the others. I need to speak to my wife."

"But Eren—"

"Mikasa. It's an order. You'll know everything in time, I promise."

He was gentle but firm. The Ackerman girl clearly struggled with herself as Erwin led Historia back inside the house. There he found a couple of children playing a board game by the fire, and one reading a book in an armchair. Gently, Historia cleared the kids from the room. She had the boy, Otto, give them privacy. Erwin sat before the fire with his queen.

She looked tense, but ready. In that moment, she looked every inch a royal.

"When did this happen?" she asked.

"An hour ago. Levi called to tell me Zeke was dead and Eren had vanished. He's on the lam now. We'll find him."

"And when you do?" She looked at him with extreme wariness.

"You shouldn't worry about him right now."

"No. Because I should be more worried about myself?"

Sometimes, she could be really very clever.

"I think you know why you were the first person I needed to see."

She took a deep breath. "With Zeke gone, I'm the last living royal. At least, that we know of."

"Yes. It makes you important."

"You told me once that you'd be working on—"

"An alternative. Yes. Hange fortunately did collect plenty of samples from Zeke. She can use them. But we no longer have the eighteen month cushion we thought we did. The world cannot know that Paradis now lacks the power of the Rumbling or the Founder."

"Isn't the hyperfusion bomb enough?"

"It's not just the Rumbling. With the Founder, we could turn every Eldian worldwide into titans in a single instant. We could do so many things. So long as we control one of the world's greatest powers and keep it all to ourselves, we have an advantage. We can't show the slightest weakness right now."

"So. What you're saying is…I need to become a shifter."

She looked so grave. So ready.

"No, Historia."

"But…it's the only way to use the royal blood. Unless…" She stood then, bolted out of her chair. "No. You're not—"

"I think I see where you're going." He held up a hand. "I am not going to turn you into a pure titan and have you remain that way. I gave you my word once that I wouldn't turn you into a titan or a shifter. I'm keeping that word."

Historia sat down, almost collapsed. She was holding it together, but he could see the strain that moment had brought upon her. He hated to imagine what she'd do when she knew the truth of his intentions.

"Okay. Then what can I do for you? Do you need samples from me?"

"Not…exactly." Erwin cleared his throat. "I need something from you, though. I'm afraid I have to break one of my promises. I'm sorry. If there were any other way—"

"You want me to have a child." She didn't react. "With you?"

Considering what I'm planning, I don't want it to be mine.

"You can choose the father. We need more royal blood, you see. We need options."

"So…you want me to have a child. Why? So it can grow up and become a shifter?"

"That's far too much time, I'm afraid. There's no nice way around this, so I'll be blunt. Historia, I need you to have a child because…"

Erwin found even he lacked the courage for this next part.

"What?" she whispered. A log snapped on the fire.

"Soon after the child is born, we will turn it into a pure titan. We will keep it underground, in a place where any future possessors of the Founder can have access to it. That way, we have a source of royal titan blood that cannot expire, and—"

"No."

Her response was instant. Cold. Certain.

"I'm afraid there's no alternative."

"Yes there is. Turn me into a pure titan if you have to. I can do the same thing my baby could."

Brave girl. Good girl.

"I'm afraid you're too crucial. You're a face for Paradis Island, an ambassador to the world. For an Eldian, your public approval ratings are extraordinarily high." Higher even than Erwin's. "I'll be dead in nine years. I don't want you to follow in thirteen. We're both the royal representatives of Paradis. If both of us go too soon, it will have a destabilizing effect. In addition to that, you are also my queen. If they discover my queen has been turned into a pure titan, they'll start thinking me a tyrant."

"Oh. We wouldn't want them to think that, would we?" She was shaking now. With rage, with fear, who knew?

"Historia. You are the only one with royal blood. You are also someone we cannot sacrifice to titanization. Alternate routes do not exist. You must give us an heir." He tried to soften his voice. "You can have other children if you want them."

"So you can use them if someone kills the first one?" she snapped. She recoiled from him now. He disgusted her.

Good. He knew how she felt.

"I hope that one day we can either give the child a shifter's powers or let it rest in peace."

"What would even happen if a baby turned into a titan?" She had scornful tears in her eyes now.

"We know that several infants were transformed in Ragako village. They were as effective as any other titan." He sighed. "If there were any other way—"

"I'm not going to have a baby just so you can do that to it. You can turn me if you want, but that's all I'll give you."

He leaned forward.

"I know that this makes me a monster. I'm resigned to being one in order to save our island and our people. You have to do this, Historia. I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. But I can't give you a choice in this matter. You can choose your partner. Otherwise, you must submit."

"So you're going to get someone to rape me, impregnate me, and then you'll turn my baby into a monster." She almost laughed. She looked grotesque with that mad laughter in her eyes. "You know, I thought Kiyomi's plan was bad. The one where I became a shifter and had lots of children so that we could continue to keep the island safe for fifty years. If I'd known then what you'd want, I would've done what she said. I never would have married you."

"I understand. And if you hadn't, Marley would have invaded our shores and half our people would have died in the struggle." Erwin turned away from her. "I'm an evil man for doing this. But it's being done to protect every other Eldian child in this world."

"You know what Eren would say?" She narrowed her eyes. "If you'd sacrifice one child like this, you'd sacrifice all of them."

"Well. Eren's the one you have to thank for this." He stood then, looking down upon his wife. She beheld him with such quiet hatred.

"So. What about the Founder?"

"We will capture Eren. Subdue him. And then I'll eat him."

Historia slumped back in her chair. "You incredible bastard," she whispered. She shook her head. "You'd do anything for every bit of power you could get."

"I should have done this years ago. Eren is unstable. I wanted to let him live out a full life, but he made that impossible. I will carry the power of the Founder until the end of my term. I'll pass it to a suitable successor. Paradis will be kept safe for generations to come."

"Because you're going to torture my baby!"

She screamed those words. She stood. She started to walk away from him, but Erwin grabbed her arms. Historia was a trained soldier, and she nearly got him in the stomach and groin. But he was simply larger. He held his queen as she struggled.

"I'll give you three days to decide who you want the father to be," he whispered. "If you won't make a decision, I'll choose someone for you."

"Levi won't let you do this."

He saw the certainty in her eyes. She was probably right, too.

"He won't know. He's resigned from the military."

"I'll get the message to him," she snapped.

"Levi has his family to consider. He's not going to put their lives in jeopardy for this. I'm sorry. He'll hate me worse than he already does, but he won't stop this."

"How does it feel, your Majesty?" she snarled. "How does it feel to be the worst man in the world?"

"Horrible," Erwin said. He wanted to shake her. He wanted to cry. "But I'm happy to be a devil if it means saving my people and my home. That way, at least no one else needs to be damned."

Historia grew very quiet. She looked at him with a strange surprise.

"Funny," she whispered. "Levi said something similar once."

Levi said something similar.

It thrilled him and broke his heart to be compared to that man. Right now, Levi was looking after his family down in Trost. He likely still did not know that Petra had withheld information from them.

She had never told them of her 'deal' with Zeke.

I'll have her head for this. That was the vindictive side of him. But…

She told me Eren was there. She put herself in jeopardy to tell me that.

That was the side of him that still felt tender towards her. That still remembered when he'd picked her up and laid her down in front of the fire to watch the light on her skin as he—

You are truly a monster.

"Majesty?"

Erwin startled.

"Floch. Anything?" He walked alongside the weasel of a young man. Erwin was just glad he'd been able to get at least one of the shifters up here. Pieck was in Shiganshina still—detained while they questioned her to see if she'd known about any of this. Connie was still being treated down at the southern port. Eren had done more than knock him unconscious; he'd lopped the boy's legs off so he couldn't shift and follow.

Apparently Connie had wept. He didn't understand why any of this was happening.

"We don't see him. Do you really think Eren will come?"

"Historia is the only one who can unlock the Founder for him now. He'll come."

"So this is all a trap?"

"I can manage multiple things at once, Floch. Trapping Eren and securing Historia are equally important."

"Yes." The man's eyes gleamed. "Is it true you're going to make Historia have a kid?"

"Queen Historia, Floch." God, Erwin despised the man. But he was the Jaws. He was necessary.

"This is exactly why I begged Le—Captain Levi to resurrect you on that rooftop, sir." Floch's chest practically swelled with pride. "I said it would take a devil to save us."

"You're calling me a devil?" He felt dead inside.

"No, sir. Majesty. You're a god." Floch looked over his shoulder. "So. His—the queen. Who's going to be the father?"

"I've given her three days to select him."

"If she doesn't, and you have to pick someone…" Floch gave a shit-eating grin.

"You do realize your child would be turned into a titan almost the moment after it was born?" Erwin drawled.

"That's the nice part about being the father. You're not involved with any of that messy stuff. And it'd be for Paradis. There's nothing I wouldn't do to secure the island. Plus…the queen's my type."

Maybe I should transform and eat you. That at least would shut your filthy mouth.

"As I've said. Historia has three days to choose." He couldn't resist. "And if the decision falls to me, Floch, I will never subject her to you."

Floch fell away then, and Erwin walked on alone. Bad idea to insult one of his few enthusiastic supporters, but the absolute vermin…

Erwin didn't like it. He hated doing it. But there simply was no other way.

Erwin scanned the treeline that rose up all around the farmhouse. Eren would come. Floch would bite him out. They would go a mile or so away, and Erwin would transform and eat the boy. Then the most essential piece of this hideous puzzle would be in place.

No. He looked back at Historia's lighted window. Not the most hideous. Not remotely.

Mikasa knew they were waiting for Eren. It had been days since she'd seen him, and even that short amount of time was eating away at her. Was he all right? Was he hurt?

She'd heard enough. Zeke was dead. Eren was running.

Running. Eren wasn't a friend of Paradis anymore. At least, he wasn't a friend of King Erwin.

"Psst! Mikasa!" Sasha came bounding around the corner. She'd hoisted her rifle to her shoulder, and glanced around nervously. "What's goin' on?"

"They think Eren is on his way."

Mikasa felt the most astounding clarity when she thought of Eren. She absently tugged at the scarf around her neck. Eren would come here. He would do what needed to be done.

She would protect him. She would go with him. That way, she would know true peace.

"So he's after Historia?" Sasha looked confused. Mikasa understood enough.

"She's the only one who can help him unlock the Founder."

"Why's he doin' all this?" Sasha whimpered. She looked pained. Despite being almost twenty, she was still the gangly, wide-eyed girl she'd been at the start of training. Mikasa smiled a little. Only Sasha could make her smile tonight.

"He's doing it because he thinks it has to be done." Mikasa scanned the dark edges of the forest.

"I don't wanna fight Eren." Sasha slumped against the side of the house.

"Then don't."

"Huh? Mikasa, yer not gonna…I mean, you won't fight against us. Will you?"

Mikasa was spared from having to speak by the sound of crying. The girls were passing underneath a window. Within, Historia was seated at the foot of her bed. And she was crying.

No. Not crying. Weeping. Mikasa thought this was what weeping looked like.

"Historia?" Sasha whispered. "Oh man, now what? What's goin' on?"

Mikasa simply slid open the window and hoisted herself inside. Historia didn't even startle. She seemed to have anticipated company. She wiped her cheeks as Mikasa stood before her.

"They're using you as bait for Eren. Aren't they?" she asked quietly. Sasha, meanwhile, climbed in through the window with a lot less grace before falling to the floor.

"It's more than that." Historia glared at her closed bedroom door. "I have to tell you something."

What Historia told her would have stunned even the most hardened criminal. Even Levi would have been shocked.

"The king…wouldn't do that. Would he?" Sasha whispered.

"I know what to do," Mikasa said. She glanced out the window. "When Eren comes, I'll help you get to him. He can take us somewhere safe."

"Huh? Us? I mean, we're all goin'?" Sasha gulped. "I can't. Niccolo's starting a whole new menu down at the restaurant. I can't miss the lobster rolls. I can't!"

"I'm going with you," Mikasa said coolly, ignoring Sasha. Historia bit her lip.

"Mikasa. Are you sure?" she whispered. "You'd be giving up everything."

"It's Eren. I'll come with you. I can help keep you safe."

It would be difficult to leave behind the others. Sasha, Connie, Jean; she ached to think of becoming their enemy. And then there was Kuchel. Mikasa loved the little girl. She would miss Petra.

Levi…he probably wouldn't notice her absence.

But for Eren, I'll go anywhere.

She had lost her parents. The Jaegers. And Armin. The thought of the boy brought a moment of weakness that she fought against. She had lost all of her family except Eren.

Levi was blood, but not family. The same went for Kiyomi. Even Kuchel, whom Mikasa loved dearly, was not family the way Armin had been. The way Eren was.

I'll stay with you, Eren.

"Sasha. You don't have to be involved. When the fighting starts, stay on the roof away from us. But don't tell anyone," Mikasa said. Sasha nodded, looking sick. There was no fear that she'd betray them. Sasha was not the type to turn her back on a friend.

When they climbed out the window, Mikasa felt a sense of peace again. Stability. She had a plan. She would save Historia…and Eren.

Now she just had to wait.

Erwin belted his coat against the rather cool spring evening. He was prepared to take a horse and ride a mile or so into the forest, out to the 'training' field where he'd spent time with Levi and Hange during the early days. When they'd been testing out his new powers.

When they'd been friends.

Anyway. He'd go there and await the red flare that signaled Eren had been captured. Erwin would transform then, and they would bring the captive young man. Erwin would eat him. It would be difficult as the Colossal was so very, well, colossal. Hard to navigate. But perhaps he could only half-transform from the torso up. Make it easier.

Eren. I look forward to working with you.

He'd shaken the young boy's hand. He'd been impressed with the kid's toughness. His rawness. Levi had even been impressed.

Once he and Levi had stood side by side in court. Talked late into the night over cups of tea.

That was gone now. Erwin steeled himself as Jean brought the horse.

"Uh. Majesty?" The young man looked his usual confident self, but the nervousness was in his voice. "Are you sure about Eren, sir? Isn't it possible there's another side to all of this?"

Erwin took the reins. Not unkindly, he said, "I understand, Jean. I believe whatever Eren is doing, he believes he's protecting you and the others. But I can't trust that he isn't going to make everything worse."

Jean nodded, tightened his mouth. "That suicidal idiot. Guess he's done for this time."

Decency, cunning, and self-restraint. Perhaps Jean would make a fine king when Erwin's time came.

"There's no animosity here, I assure you. Now—"

There was a strike of lightning out in the forest, about a quarter mile away. Everyone whirled to face it. Erwin dropped the reins.

Shit. Eren was here.

"Floch! Go!" he roared. He saw the man sprint by, and bite his hand as he leapt into the air. In a second the Jaws titan emerged in a twin lightning blast. Erwin looked on Floch's form in disgust. This particular iteration of the Jaws resembled a witch from a storybook, with a pointed chin, bumped and curving nose, and beady little eyes. But the bite was impressive, the whole head almost hinging backwards when Floch opened wide. The titan raced on all fours to meet Eren as he broke through into the clearing.

No time to ride away now. Erwin would subdue the boy, then go and transform.

"Switch to ODM!" he shouted. The soldiers, all of whom had been outfitted over the last half hour, immediately deployed into the air. "Cut Eren Jaeger out of the titan. Under no circumstance is he to be killed. If he dies, the one who did it will answer to me!"

"Yes, sir."

They all chorused together, and the attack was on. Erwin saw Sasha firing on the roof of the farmhouse alongside two other sharpshooters. They wouldn't do much, but it might be enough of a deterrent.

Erwin saw two soldiers latch onto Eren's ankles and go in to cut his feet out from under him. But Eren leapt into the air and then crushed the pair with a piercing roar. He'd learned that move from Annie Leonhardt, probably.

Eren. Why have you done this? What's so important?

Erwin took out his blade and searched for Mikasa. With Levi down in Trost, only she could cut Eren out.

But Mikasa wasn't there. Erwin cursed and hurried for the farmhouse. He'd have to take Historia with him as collateral. Use her as kidnapped bait. God. He'd really become something, hadn't he? A manipulator, a defiler of girls, a murderer.

Levi. At least you're not here to see me now.

Eren roared and stomped towards the house. The Guard attacked him still, and Erwin noticed Eren did not kill if he did not have to. That was a relief, and it also made him feel worse as he entered the house and kicked down Historia's door. The children were cowering and crying in the hall. I'm sorry.

"Historia, we—"

She was gone. The window was open. Who the fuck had been watching her? Swearing, Erwin burst back out the house and stopped on the porch. Floch had his jaws in Eren's arm. Eren roared, the sound trembling the porch. He could have tossed Floch this way, but it would crush the farmhouse. Historia and the children. Erwin bared his teeth.

Floch was good, but Eren was better. Soon, Eren had his hands on Floch, and was attempting to bite out the nape and eat the shifter. Oh, fuck. Erwin couldn't transform, not here. He'd destroy everyone, including Historia, wherever the hell she was.

He strode off the porch just as he heard a girl's scream. From up above.

No.

Erwin looked back up and saw Historia standing alongside Mikasa. Historia waved frantically to Eren.

No. Fucking no.

"Attack him with everything you've got!" Erwin roared, but now that Mikasa was not with them the chance of victory dwindled. He had already strapped into the ODM, and took off for the roof. He landed beside the girls. Historia screamed. Mikasa shielded the girl with her body, and held her blade up.

He did not want to fight an Ackerman. He wasn't stupid.

"This is a mistake, Mikasa."

"I won't let you kill Eren." It was a prayer spoken by a true believer. "Stay back!"

Another gigantic roar. Fuck. Erwin turned in time to see Eren's hand coming down out of the night, trying to crush him on that rooftop.

Trying to kill the king. Erwin flew off. Eren stopped in time to avoid crushing the building. He scooped up Mikasa and Historia in one giant hand, and turned. He ran to the opposite side of the forest. He…

He'd taken the last fucking royal they had.

"Get her back!" Erwin roared. "Floch! Now!"

The Jaws scrambled into the forest after Eren. The trees would be helpful to Floch, at least. Erwin got onto the horse and rode hard after them. He rode, and even as he hated Eren he also admired him. Some part of Erwin was relieved.

If Historia were taken he would not have to do…that…to her.

But no. She must submit. She must save their people. Erwin had given up everything for that cause, and so must she.

Erwin charged into the forest. He heard the others at his back. In the distance, he heard a titan's roar, and another's merging with it. Erwin followed the sound, teeth bared as he tried to see in the near total darkness. Fuck, this was dangerous. Fuck.

Perhaps he ought to cut away from the others and go to that clearing a mile off. He could transform. It would help. He would annihilate half the people here, but it might help.

And then, up ahead, closer, another roar. Only this one was abruptly cut short. Shit.

"Floch?" Erwin rode into a less dense patch of forest. He swore as he found the Jaws titan lying on its side. The top half of the head was torn off, but Floch had not been eaten. The nape was still secure. Erwin scanned the twisting paths ahead. Fuck. If they didn't catch Eren fast, he could make it to wall, climb over, and…

Erwin heard crying. A girl's crying, maybe a hundred yards away. Erwin galloped towards the sound, praying that he would find Historia.

But it was Mikasa, sobbing as she tried to shoot her hooks. Her ODM had been damaged. It looked like…someone had crushed one of the canisters, rendering it useless.

Erwin pulled up beside her and got off his horse. He gazed down at the treacherous girl. Mikasa looked straight ahead and screamed.

"Eren! Eren!"

It was the wailing of an abandoned child. Erwin winced at the noise. He should grab her, but he could not force himself.

"Floch broke your ODM, and Eren left you?" he asked. Mikasa slumped in on herself, sobbing into her hands.

"He…Eren broke it himself." She looked ahead again, gazing into the darkness. Her wide gray eyes shone with tears. "He crushed it and put me on the ground. Then he kept running. He…he left me."

"Perhaps it was kindness," Erwin said. As the soldiers barreled off into the forest—fat lot of good it'd do them by now—the king knelt beside the heartbroken girl. "Wherever he is going may be the wrong place for you."

"I only want…to stay at his side." She covered her eyes. "That's all I want."

"I know," Erwin said quietly. He stared at her red scarf. He thought of a white cravat for a second, and looked after the others. "I know what you mean."

"Are you going to release her?" Petra asked.

It was two days later. She and Levi stood before Erwin in the barracks at Trost. Mikasa was up in Mitras, in the royal jail. She had been held there in custody since the night Eren and Historia vanished.

"Is there any reason I should?" Erwin appeared distant as he sat behind his desk.

"Maybe she had good reason to help," Petra said.

"Oi. Petra," Levi said, but she wouldn't stay silent.

"What was your plan for Historia, anyway?" she asked.

"That isn't your concern." Erwin looked at her finally, and he looked irritated. She stared right back at him. The three of them in this room were all massively uncomfortable. She looked at Erwin and saw a man she wished she hadn't fucked; Levi looked at Erwin and saw a man who'd taken advantage of his wife; Erwin saw her as a woman who'd rejected him, and Levi as a man who wanted a violent end to their friendship. To say nothing of the fact Petra and Levi were awkward with each other. No, there was no comfort here. No ease. They were all uncomfortable and unhappy, but couldn't show it. Therefore, they all looked pissed at one another.

Every time she looked at Erwin now, she was filled with the worst sort of shame. But she looked. She had to.

"I called you both here to discuss what exactly happened the night that Eren went rogue. Moreover, I want to discuss why it happened."

Yes. Erwin had learned of Petra's 'deal' with Zeke. He hadn't arrested her, but she felt his displeasure. She hated him for looking at her with any kind of irritation. After everything she'd gone through—everything he'd done to her body when she was at her weakest—she wanted to punch him in the damn nose. The same way she wished she could beat herself for allowing it. Encouraging it.

"You know what happened." Levi sounded flat. "You sent the police to watch our street, but they didn't move in until I showed up."

"In order to protect Petra and not start absolute war on a residential street, yes." Erwin looked exhausted. Flat. Petra noticed silver threading his golden hair for the first time. "But how much could have been avoided if Petra had been forthcoming after the first expedition?"

"Nothing was going to change if we knew about her fucking deal." Levi's words were clipped. He glowered at Erwin. "She wasn't in contact with the brothers. She knew nothing about their plan."

"As far as we know."

"Why would I have told you Eren was there if I wanted to help the Jaegers?" she snapped.

Erwin shut his eyes then. He rubbed his forehead.

"The smallest pebble can cast the widest ripple in a pond. If we'd known of Zeke's desire to rope you in, so to speak, we'd have watched you more closely. Maybe we could have caught them both sooner. Kept Zeke alive, so that Historia… Never mind. It's possible that because you didn't come forward, we lost them both."

"Then put the blame on me." She was too tired of all this shit. "Let it be my fault."

"I didn't say it was."

"You said it could have been. So in that case, make it my fault." She narrowed her eyes. "Or don't. But I'm sick of things not being one way or the other."

Levi grunted. He seemed to understand what she meant.

"I won't blame you." Erwin sat fully upright. "You say you're retiring from the military? You've been honorably discharged, Petra." He pulled out a document and stamped it. And that was it. Her career was over.

"Thank you." She took the certificate.

"Levi?" Erwin gazed at her husband.

"Give me one of those papers, too." His nostrils flared. "And one for Mikasa. Let that be her punishment."

"And lose the other most talented soldier in the military?"

"Thought you needed diplomats and shit now, Erwin." Levi sighed. "Eren left. He's not coming back. He left Mikasa behind. She knows that. She'll go to him if he surfaces, but I know her. She's not going to search the world for him. If he wanted her here, she'll wait here. For him."

"Eren won't turn Historia into a titan, either," Petra said. "He told me that. He won't sacrifice her unless he has no other choice."

"Interesting." Erwin looked weary. "That means he believes another choice exists."

"How?" Petra frowned.

"I'm sure we'll find out in time."

Petra glanced at Levi. She thought of Mikasa.

"Please let her go. Let her retire," she said.

"Petra." Levi sounded resigned. He'd fight for Mikasa…up to a point.

"I won't keep her locked up. I won't hurt her or kill her. But I'll decide what's to be done. She's a traitor, Petra. Under the circumstances, I'm being generous out of respect for the sacrifices she's made in the past."

What about the ones I made? All she could think of was him sweating on top of her. Her lying on the carpet in front of the fire as he did what he wanted. The idea must have shown in her eyes, because Erwin quickly looked away. Levi sneered.

"Give me the paper. I want to get the fuck out of here."

Erwin stamped the page and handed it over. Levi ripped it out of the king's hand.

"What will you do now?" Erwin asked. He didn't look at either of them.

"What's it matter to you? Not like you have anything to do with us." Levi looked at Petra, then back at the king. He pushed through the door. "Petra. Come on."

She gazed at Erwin one last time. She wondered what exactly the man had planned for Historia.

She was secretly proud of Mikasa.

"Petra?" Levi turned in the doorway. She followed him out. They walked side by side along the hall.

"You couldn't even stand up for her?" she muttered.

"I was too busy watching your ass." He stopped them. In the morning light, his face looked haggard. He was still too thin after the island. "You could've been charged with treason. Maybe you should've been."

"Do you really think so?" she asked.

"No." His brow furrowed. "But I'm still thinking about that deal with Zeke. That's something you never told me."

"I told you that Zeke—"

"You never told me he had that blood test. You never told me he was blackmailing you."

"He never got to use the blackmail. Once Erwin 'saved' Marley it was over."

"But you didn't tell me."

And that was the true pain she saw in his eyes. Levi shook his head slowly.

"Well." Her breath came shallow now. She would not cry. "Sorry I'm such an endless disappointment to you."

"Don't put this on me, Petra. You're the one who lied."

"I didn't lie!"

"You didn't tell me everything. That's good as lying." Someone came up the stairs and started down the hall. "Not now," Levi growled. The guy turned at once and bolted back the way he'd come. Petra stood silently with her husband. Awkwardly. It had never been awkward before.

"Edvard's starting to wonder why you're sleeping on the couch," she muttered. Since their house had been smashed, they'd been staying in Edvard's guest room—well, Petra had. Her parents were actually sleeping in Brigitta's room to make sure she didn't hurt herself.

Petra's sister would live. But the one thing she wanted was now impossible. Her hope was gone.

Why was life so endlessly cruel?

"Tell him it's my ribs."

"Are you ever…" She didn't know how to say this without sounding pathetic. "Are you ever going to come back to me?"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"You know what I mean, Levi. I want you to hold me. Kiss me."

"Fuck you, yeah." He still wouldn't look at her. He was interested in the wall. "I can't. The idea of it makes me too fucking mad."

"Why, because I'm 'ruined goods'? I'd already had sex before we got together!"

"Yeah but it wasn't when we were together."

The words came out in a hissed rush. He shut his eyes, got himself under control.

"I thought you didn't blame me for… I thought you knew I believed you were dead."

"I don't blame you. But I can't look at you." His eyes, when he opened them, were bright with anger. "You fucked someone four days after I 'died.' You lied to me about Zeke. I don't know who you are anymore."

"If that's all it takes to get you to doubt who I am, then I don't know you, either," she said. Silence. "So what comes next?"

"We're moving up to the farm in Wall Rose when the shit gets settled. That was the plan, yeah?"

"Yes."

"Good. That place has three bedrooms. We'll be fine."

Three bedrooms. One for each member of the family. Petra wanted to burst into tears. Instead, she folded in on herself. She gave nothing away.

"It's going to take that long, huh?"

"Looks that way."

He walked off and paused at the stairs, waiting for her. Petra joined him. They walked out of the barracks for the last time, their discharge notices in hand. Petra worried about Levi; she worried he wouldn't have enough to fill the days, not even with Kuchel.

Or Armin. Oruo, not Armin.

She still hadn't been officially diagnosed as pregnant yet, anyway.

She really didn't know about the farm anymore. About him not having any kind of real career. When they had been certain of love, it would have been enough. She hoped. Them, their children, horses and charity. But without the affection between them, what held all this together?

How had she destroyed everything she'd ever wanted?

He's now being unreasonable. She knew it in her gut. Her gut was probably right.

But Levi never lied to her. Not the way she had lied to him.

When they got back to the house, Levi picked Kuchel up and listened to her talk about her dolls. He at least looked happy when she was there. Petra went upstairs and sat with Brigitta, who'd been given something to keep her asleep. When she was awake, she was frantic.

Petra kissed her sister's forehead. It was cool. Brigitta murmured in her sleep.

"Maybe it was for the best," she whispered, thinking of Oswald. Little Oswald, so pale and still. The grandparents held him once and cried. Petra had held him, too. Her little nephew. She had felt herself break a little more.

She hadn't seen Brigitta hold him. She heard it had been agony to witness.

At least Oswald wouldn't have to live in this miserable world. Maybe he'd been the luckiest of them all.

It was a selfish, melodramatic thing to think. So she kept it to herself.

"Oi, Four Eyes. I don't see why we had to haul our asses across town for a drink."

"Levi! It's fun to try new places. No; inspiring. Invigorating!"

"Tch, shut up. Just shut up and get me some tea."

Levi shuffled through the restaurant. It was some fancy place that sold Marleyan cuisine. Sasha had told Petra about it. Kid started drooling just listing the menu. He wasn't sure why they had to be in a damn crowded fancy restaurant for a damn drink when they could hit the local tea shop. So much better.

Whatever. Hange was up from Shiganshina for a couple of days. And he missed her. With Erwin out of his life and Petra a polite stranger, he needed someone to talk to. Or at least, he needed to listen to someone else talk.

The waiter guided them to a corner booth. Nice. From the way heads turned as he and Hange passed, he didn't want to sit in the middle of the floor. He didn't want to attract more attention. Levi slid in, and Hange did as well. They faced each other across the table. A single candle in a little glass bowl flickered. Real fancy place.

"Should've brought Pieck here."

"Hopefully she'll be cleared soon." Hange grinned nervously.

It'd been a week since Eren and Historia vanished. They'd combed the island, but no trace had turned up. Levi thought about some of the shit Petra had told him that Eren said. The world ending. Reality ending. Shit. Eren had really gone nuts, hadn't he?

What had happened to the boy?

Anyway, Pieck still wasn't completely clear, but it was now generally acknowledged that she hadn't been in on Zeke's plan. Marley wanted the Cart back—they were pretty pissy about how the Beast was now out of their hands. Infants born in the next few months were going to be searched thoroughly for telltale markings. Shifter lines.

Fuck, some kid was only gonna live to be thirteen before he died. Got eaten. For that reason alone, Levi regretted killing Zeke.

Anyway. The Cart was staying with them, to Hange's delight.

"You should bring her up to the farm if you can. Could use the company." Levi ordered tea when the waiter came over. No booze. Just tea. Hange got a whiskey.

"When're you moving?" she asked as their order arrived.

"Next month, probably. Gotta settle a few things in Trost first."

Levi could not help but glance at the side of the bench where Erwin should have been. The king was back in Mitras now. They had nothing to say to each other, but every day Levi wished he could think of something. He hated the man worse than anyone else he knew, but he still needed to see him.

Had Zeke been right? Was it the echo of his Ackerman blood? Or did he just miss Erwin?

"Are you sure about leaving the military?" Hange asked, sipping her drink.

"Yeah. I am." He stared into his tea. "Wasn't sure until I got home and saw Kuchel's face when she realized I wasn't dead. Before I had her, I had to save the rest of humanity. Even when she was born, I thought that was more important. But when I saw her cry like that…" He made sure he wasn't choking up like a bitch before he continued. "Eh. I realized I'd let humanity burn if it'd save her."

"I guess that's what fatherhood does to you," Hange mused.

"Eh, Four Eyes. Thinking of becoming a father?" He smirked and Hange laughed.

"Honorary Aunt Hange's more than enough for me. Pieck would…"

Her smile withered. Right. Pieck had eighteen months left.

"You might find a cure for the curse. You're working on that, yeah?"

"Mmhmm." She gave a sigh. He'd never seen her like this for anyone, not even Shadis in her most starstruck days.

"Got it bad."

"It scares me a little."

"It should." He sipped his tea and thought of Petra. He didn't know who he resented worse, her or himself. "When it hurts you, it doesn't heal."

"Levi. Er…" Hange downed the last of the whiskey. Liquid courage. "That's one of the reasons I wanted to come here tonight. I want to talk about Petra."

"Okay. I don't." He drank and glowered at her from across the cup. "Don't make me regret talking to you about that shit."

"I know what she did feels like a betrayal," Hange said, ignoring his wishes. "But Levi, you didn't see her. I did. She was about to collapse, and that was when she was holding it together for the cameras. She wasn't herself."

"I blame Erwin more than her for what happened," he growled. He shut his eyes; the imagined flash of Erwin fucking Petra came and went, along with a red haze. "But she…"

"She'd had lovers before, hadn't she?"

"She asked the same thing. She wasn't my wife then. She was fucking another man while I was lying on that fucking island—"

"We all thought you were dead."

"I don't know why I'm talking about this shit with you." He slammed the cup down and stood to exit the booth.

He turned right into Nile Dok. What a horrible fucking surprise. Nile didn't move out of his way.

"Fancy fucking seeing you here," Levi muttered.

"That's another reason I wanted to come here," Hange said. "It's, er, more public. So you can't punch either of us."

"Don't put it past me."

"Can I sit with you for a minute?" Nile asked. Levi sneered at Hange, who looked sheepish. So she'd set all this up, huh? What an asshole.

Fine. Made no difference. And he didn't want to waste good tea.

"Sure. Sit down," he said. Nile slipped in beside Hange so Levi could glare at the both of them. "Welcome to the Erwin Smith Fucked My Wife club. Hange's not a full member yet, but give it a few months."

"Levi!" Hange snapped. Nile's cheeks flushed, but he didn't lose his cool.

"He does seem almost pathological about it," Nile said.

"I think three times would suggest it's a pathology," Hange chimed in.

"I'm about to walk out of this restaurant. The two of you can get cozy." Levi shoved the empty cup aside. As he started to stand, Hange gestured for him to stay. He sneered at the pair of them.

"I asked Hange to get me a meeting with you," Nile said. The scrawny guy looked almost fidgety. "She's told me what's been going on."

"She tell you what, exactly? Does she know what goes on inside my house?"

"I know enough," Hange said quietly. He glared.

"I'm just going to come out and say it, because you could leave at any second." Nile folded his hands. "My wife left me and my three children for him. She made me a laughingstock in the military. She told me she never truly loved me." His voice got tight there. Fuck, why did Levi have to watch this? He'd kill Hange. "I tell myself I'd never take her back after everything she did. But I also know that if she came home tomorrow, I'd open the door." He rubbed his eyes, huffed. Hange patted his shoulder. Weird to see these two buddying up. "I love her. I always have."

"Sorry you're that much of a loser."

"Levi." Hange had never looked as pissed as she did in that moment. Well. Maybe he'd crossed the line. A little.

"Now you, on the other hand, are married to a woman who worships you. A woman you love." Nile shook his head. "I'll never know what that's like. This woman loved you so much that when she thought you were dead she broke down. She slept with someone else for one night because she thought she might kill herself otherwise. She regretted it."

Hange nodded. She must have told Nile all these private details about the Ackerman marriage. Levi was going to put her in a suitcase and send her home in the train's luggage compartment.

"You don't know me and you don't know my wife, Nile."

"I do know her. A little. I know she's a good person. I know she loves you. I know she'd never leave you for him. And I know she'd do anything to take it back." Nile shook his head, looked bemused. "You have all of that, and you turn her away."

"This is not your business," Levi growled. He stood and threw some coins onto the table. He stepped out of the booth, but Nile snagged him by the arm.

"I'm the laughingstock, Levi. But you're the loser," Nile said.

So Levi turned around and punched him square in the face. Blood spurted from Nile's nose. He fell back against Hange, who swore and grabbed a napkin and stuffed it into the man's face. As Nile groaned, Hange looked up at Levi with something he'd never seen from her before.

Disdain.

"I forgot this Levi," she said. "The one that hits people because he doesn't know how else to show how he feels. The one that pushes people away. This is what you become without her."

He could've said or done something in reply, but Hange's words shook him to the root. He muttered something even he didn't understand, turned, and swept through the restaurant. He tried not to notice everyone staring at him as he pushed past the hostess and out the door. The early summer air was pleasant in the evening. It smelled like roses, and horses. He walked briskly down the street.

This is what you become without her.

When he was in Petra's arms, she taught him to be gentle. To talk to her instead of pull away. He wasn't much of a student, but with her he made progress.

He stalked through the streets until he came to Edvard's house. He went inside, didn't bother knocking. He had a key. Brigitta had been moved to the hospital for extra tests…and because she couldn't be left alone.

What was the point? He liked Brigitta a lot. She was a good person. What was the fucking point of denying a woman like that the chance for joy, and the chance to raise kids? When assholes had kids every day, why deny her?

Sometimes he wondered if the world wasn't deliberately cruel.

Since Edvard was staying at the hospital now and the Rals had finally had to go back to Calaneth, the Ackerman family was mostly house sitting. Levi put the keys on the hall table and went into the parlor.

"Papa!" Kuchel squealed with glee to see him. The sour mood he'd been in since the restaurant lifted a bit. He caught her as she ran to him.

"How's my girl?"

"Good, Papa. Look! Is a kitty." She waved a sheet of paper proudly. He looked. It was a blob that had sticks poking out of it. Maybe the sticks were whiskers.

"That's great." Kuchel was the only person he'd ever bullshit.

"Hey." Petra stood up from where she'd been kneeling on the floor, next to the coffee table. Kuchel's toys were littered around, which drove Levi a little crazy. But one thing at a time. He looked at his wife.

Petra's hair was longer these days, shoulder length, and today she'd braided it. It hung over her shoulder, gleaming gold and red in the afternoon light. His fingers itched to touch that braid.

This is what you become without her.

"Oi. Kuchel. I want you to put your toys away," he said.

"Okay." The kid yawned wide. Maybe she needed a nap. Perfect timing.

Levi and Petra watched their daughter pick up her dolls and stuffed animals and place them into the toy chest one after another with a kiss. She dragged Gretel away by the leg as she followed Levi into the guest bedroom. She'd been sleeping here with her mother. He picked her up and set her on the bed, took off her little shoes, and covered her with the blanket.

"You take a nap til dinner, yeah?" He kissed her forehead. Kuchel was already falling asleep.

"Love you, Papa."

He watched her sleep just a minute. Now that he was out of the military, he had more time than he knew what to do with. He'd never had hours and days to waste before. He woke up feeling wound up, anxious to find something to do. When they got to the farm, there'd be chores. That'd help.

But chores would never be as important as what he had been. When he was with Erwin…

Think about Kuchel.

When he looked at his daughter, he remembered that what he did, he did for her. And it all got easier.

He crept out of the room and returned to the parlor. Petra was seated on the couch, studying Kuchel's drawing. Levi sat beside her. His wife looked surprised; normally he didn't sit too close these days.

"How was Hange?" she asked, putting the drawing down. She faced him, her hands folded in her lap. Her body language was friendly and polite, like he was a visiting old friend and not her husband.

"Eh. Annoying." He shrugged. "She brought Nile in."

Petra's eyes widened. "Why?"

"Chew me out. Everyone wants to these days." He rested his gaze on that braid of hair. "How's Brigitta?"

Petra sighed. "They say she's not going to hurt herself anymore. Edvard's so good, but she doesn't want to see anyone else." She blinked away tears. "Why is this happening to her?"

"No answer to that." Tentatively, he placed his hand atop hers a minute. Petra looked at him with hopeful curiosity. He took his hand away. "I think we'll be ready to go in a couple weeks. Maybe three."

"You still want to go to the farm?"

"You don't? Thought it'd be good for Kuchel."

"Um." She shifted in her seat. "I thought it would be good when we were…well, before. Now I think that having to be awkward with each other and no one else around…"

He saw her point. Levi exhaled deeply. He reached out and touched her braid. He rubbed it between his fingers. Petra's eyes widened.

"I'm sorry I made you feel so shit," he said.

"You had every reason to."

"Yeah, but…" He searched for something else to say. He hated words. Preferred action. Like stroking his knuckles along Petra's cheek. Cupping that cheek in his rough hand while her eyes fluttered shut in bliss. She turned and pressed her lips to his palm. Petra gave a low, grateful moan as she slid across the couch. He took her in his arms. Slowly, he undid that braid of hair. Her red-gold locks framed her face. "Fucking beautiful," he whispered.

He kissed her, or she kissed him. It'd been almost two weeks. He fell back into the rhythm at once. Petra whimpered, her need growing as she straddled him on the couch. Her tongue slipped into his mouth. She ground against him.

Levi grunted as he turned and laid her on the sofa. He lay on top of her, her legs wrapped around him. Both still fully clothed. He remembered that Kuchel was asleep, and kissed his wife once more. He jerked his hips, moving between her legs. Petra groaned.

"Yes. Oh god, yes." She started to drag his shirt above his head. But he wouldn't let her. Undeterred, Petra kissed at his neck as she glided her fingers down the hard line of his stomach. Levi shut his eyes as she undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants. She reached inside, and found him flaccid. "Come on, baby," she whispered, nibbling at his jaw as she tried to stimulate him.

It took a minute for them both to realize that wasn't happening. Awkwardly, Levi got off of her. Petra sat up, rigid against the back of the couch. They got their clothes in order.

"Sorry," he muttered. "I thought maybe if we started, I'd want to."

"But you don't." She sounded quiet.

"I'm not like most men, Petra." Fucking radical understatement. "Until I met you, I didn't think about sex that much. Just wasn't too interested." But she'd awoken such an appetite in him. Now his appetite was gone.

"Do you think it's going to change?" she said quietly. She turned her face from him so he couldn't see her fighting tears.

"I want it to. But I can't make it happen."

She was silent as the sun went down. As the light left the parlor. Levi switched on a lamp. Still she didn't turn to him.

"Why are you punishing me this much?" Her voice was still small, but flat now. She was so weighted down by it all.

"It's not about you. I understand what happened. But I can't help the way it made me feel." Feelings. Wasn't that the shit she liked to talk about?

"Okay." She cleared her throat. "Could you at least come back to bed? We don't have to do anything but it'd be nice just to sleep together." Then, "Kuchel's starting to notice."

"Not yet."

"It might help if we were in the same bed. You might want to again."

"It'll make the whole thing worse. I promise." He was not a good man, or really a kind one, but seeing her in pain broke something in him. This is what you become without her. He inched closer, rubbed her back.

"Are you just sad that he took something that belonged to you?" There was a new depth to her voice now. A raw edge. "Or are you afraid that you can't measure up against him?"

The nearly two weeks of sweet Petra, dancing on eggshells Petra, whatever-you-need Petra were over. He took his hand away.

"I'll bet he knew what he was doing," Levi growled.

"He really did." She got up and kicked the toy chest out of the way as she stormed off into the kitchen. He could've stayed and cooled down, but for the first time in weeks he felt his blood like fire once more. He pursued her. Petra was making a lot of noise as she unloaded pots and pans. Her eyes were red, her cheeks puffy. She wasn't crying. Yet.

"So there was no part of you that ever wondered what it'd be like?" This voice was not his. It was something animal. Less than animal. She turned and faced him.

"Are you afraid that sometimes I was imagining him while I fucked you?" She brandished a frying pan, pointed it at him like it was a sword. "Do you want to know how he fucked me? How many times? Do you want to know how enormous he is?"

"Shut the fuck up," he hissed. He could feel himself coming apart. Petra slammed the pan onto the stove. She pushed her face into his.

"Do you want to know how many times he made me come? Do you ever wonder if I was disappointed when we found out you were alive, because it meant I couldn't be his any longer? Do you? Is that why you lie on the couch all night, thinking about it?" She was nakedly sobbing by now. She could barely get the words out. "Do you imagine him between my legs, with his mouth on my—"

Levi made a bestial sound. Not a roar. Something beyond primitive. Something that had existed before monsters, before titans. Something at the root of his soul. He grabbed her and threw her onto the kitchen table. He started unbuttoning her shirt, swearing when the buttons were too much. Finally he just ripped the garment open. He put his mouth on her breast, sucked at the nipple through the fabric of her bra. She made little gasping sounds, writhed against him.

"You want to know who's better?" He pinned her wrists to either side of her. "You want me to fuck you until you bleed?"

"Yes." Her eyes were so naked with wanting. He tore at her trousers, yanked them down. He unbuckled himself once more. Petra gasped, lifting her hips, desperate to be joined.

And Levi had thought about it. He'd thought about how much she might've enjoyed Erwin. Petra was more right than she knew. He'd thought about Erwin on top of her, Erwin who was so much better than Levi could ever be. Taller, more handsome, more intelligent, better endowed, richer, more powerful, everything. All Levi could do better was kill and break shit. What woman wouldn't see Erwin Smith as an upgrade? Now Petra would let Levi fuck her and lie there wishing it could be Erwin again, with his bigger cock and his perfect words and his greater amount of experience.

Levi had despaired, thinking of how she would now always compare him to a god.

If he couldn't be a god or a king, better to be a thug. An animal.

He freed himself.

And he was still limp.

He even wanted to fuck her now, if only to still the rage. Levi snarled, staring down at himself with utter loathing. Twice he'd disappointed her. She had to see how tiny he was in every way. He could never be enough now. He had been able to fool Petra for years into thinking he was what she wanted. But now she'd had a king. A god. Now she could see the small, flaccid creature she'd settled for.

"Levi." Petra was crying now. She held her shirt closed with one hand, reached for his face with the other. "Baby, it doesn't matter."

"Fuck off."

He stuffed himself back into his trousers and turned…to find Kuchel gaping at them.

Fuck the entire world, no.

"Ku—how long have you been there?" His voice was hoarse. He was sure this was a nightmare.

"I, I jus' wanted to, um, ask if, uh, if Gretel can have a snack?"

While Levi faced off against their daughter, Petra hastily put her pants back on and buttoned up what remained of her shirt. She whispered a quick apology and rushed out of the room to change. Levi picked up Kuchel.

"You sure you just came in?"

"Um, were you and Mama fighting?"

From the innocent look in her eyes, he realized that's all she thought this had been. A fight. A weirdass fight. He could've melted in relief. He gave her a kiss.

"A little. But we're not fighting now. Everything's okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah. As for Gretel, no snacks before dinner. We told you this."

"S'not for me! Gretel wants one." She gave him those big dopey eyes that almost made him laugh. Damn brat. He kissed her again, then put her on a chair as he started to get dinner ready. Petra came in soon after, and he quickly explained it was all okay. She hugged Kuchel, and they made the dinner. They ate at the kitchen table together. Petra even laughed a bit when Kuchel made Gretel talk to them.

After dinner, they put Kuchel to bed. They shut the bedroom door.

"Listen." He cleared his throat. "I, uh…"

"It's okay. She didn't see anything." Petra went to take his hand. He pulled away.

"There's an inn a few blocks down the road. I think I should stay there for a day or two."

Petra's arm went limp at her side. "Levi. It wasn't bad. You didn't hurt me."

"I know. I'm not afraid I'll hurt you." I'm terrified I'll disappoint you.

"I'm so sorry I got mad earlier. Those things I said were so ugly. I don't know what's wrong with me. I love you so much." She tried to hold him, and he kept pulling away. This is what you become without her.

"I love you more than I'll ever love anything else," he growled. That's all he said before he went to the parlor, got together his few things, and walked out the door. She didn't try to stop him. Levi went to the inn, got himself a room. He sat in the quiet, listening to the city sounds outside his window. He could at least breathe here. Without the fear of her measuring him, he could think.

He shouldn't. But he did.

Levi picked up the phone and made a call. They put him through right away. Erwin picked up on the third ring.

"Levi?" He sounded shocked. Maybe hopeful.

"Tell me the truth. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes. Anything. What?"

He shut his eyes, felt like someone was pounding on his skull. Erwin's smooth words, his big cock, his giant body covering hers…

"Did she like it?" There was silence.

"Levi, we were both out of our minds that night."

"It's a simple question."

"Petra's the only one who can answer."

"Horseshit. She'll probably lie to me. Say I'm better. Say you can't compare. But I know what's in her heart." He felt like his temples might explode.

"It wouldn't be a lie. She…god help me, she kept calling your name. She wanted you. She didn't even see me."

"Why did you do this to me?" He had never been a self pitying man. He had never pointed at others and blamed them for his life. But this… This had him almost on his knees. "I gave everything for you, and you took her away from me. Why?"

"Because we thought you were dead!" Erwin sounded a little frustrated now. Oh, fuck him. "Hate me if you want. I deserve it. But stop punishing her. Can she even hear you right now?"

"I'm at a tavern."

It was quiet for a full minute. They heard each other breathing.

"I never thought you a weak man."

Small. Ugly. Evil. Cruel. Monstrous. Dull. Greedy. Awful. He'd been called all that. And worse.

But no one had ever called him weak before. Humanity's Strongest wasn't weak.

"You…" He rubbed his eyes. "I wish to fuck you hadn't found me in the underground. I'd have been some shopkeeper in Mitras. Isabel and Furlan'd be alive."

"Would you have met your wife? Would you have your daughter? Stop pitying yourself, Levi." Erwin's voice was acid. "I won't apologize for that. But I do apologize for all the deaths I made you suffer. I'll always regret that."

"Even you got regrets, huh?"

"Please go home to her. Please."

What he wanted to say was so big he couldn't even see all of it. "I just wish…she couldn't compare me to you."

His voice did not break, but it came close.

"She compared me to you." Erwin's voice changed. It became gentle. "She found me wanting. The morning after… She told me she wanted nothing to do with me. She said it had been a mistake. She meant it. This was before we knew you were alive." Erwin sighed deeply. "She wants you very badly. Nothing I could offer her could compare with even your memory."

Fuck. Erwin almost sounded jealous.

What was he doing here? What kind of sick asshole was he? Levi only felt hatred. Not for Erwin, certainly not for Petra. He hated himself. He hated that he'd ever gotten caught in that stupid explosion and made Petra and Kuchel suffer. He hated that Petra loved him so much she almost went crazy. He hated that Erwin knew her now, knew her the way Levi did; one more thing that wasn't his alone. He hated that he doubted her like this, that he was weak enough to doubt her.

"You still want her." It wasn't a question. Erwin made some blustering noises. "Oi. You said you'd tell the truth."

Erwin sighed. "Yes."

Levi's fingers tightened on the receiver.

"I wish we could go back," he rasped. "When Mike was alive. When it was just titans. When I only dreamed of her. When you were the best man I'd ever known."

"I'd like that, too." Erwin sounded so tired. "I wish we could be young men together again."

"Yeah. Well. Wishes can fuck off."

Silence. Then Erwin laughed, just a little.

"Succinct as ever." He sounded weary. "I'll never go near her again. She doesn't want me. She wants you, Levi."

"Yeah." He clenched and unclenched his jaw. "Maybe someday, after we've all cooled off, you and me…"

He didn't finish the sentence. They both felt the impossibility behind it.

"Maybe. Please, go home to her."

Erwin hung up. Levi listened to the dial tone a minute before he did the same. Erwin was not just down the hall and up the stairs anymore. Levi wasn't under his command any longer, except as a subject. He was a man who'd lived past his usefulness and he wasn't even forty. He was a disappointment to his wife.

He wished to hell he could just sit with Erwin, but even that phone call had made Levi want to break shit.

He would always want Erwin near, but it was impossible now. Maybe forever.

But Petra…

They had a child. Maybe another on the way.

He had to go home.

Levi didn't remember checking out. One minute he was in the room, the next walking down the street. The traffic wasn't much; it was very late. Maybe early morning by now. He walked like the living dead, aware but not conscious.

"Hey. Hey, lookit that fuckin' shrimp," someone said. A drunk someone. He came at Levi out of the dark, along with two drunker friends. "Less get 'em. C'mon, hey li'l guy! You, hee, you wanna candy li'l g—"

Levi turned and punched the man's nose in. The guy fell, screaming. He kicked the other man in the ribs, heard something crack. More screams. He grabbed the third by the throat and slammed him against the brick wall. The guy—the kid, really—choked and looked on Levi in terror as Levi—

This is what you become without her.

He let the guy go and staggered away as though drunk himself. He disappeared into dark alleys, making sure he did not get caught by the police. Still a slum piece of shit. All his words dried up without her. He had nothing but rage.

Petra. Petra, please…

He wanted to bury his face in her hair.

The idea made him want to throw up.

Levi let himself in. He flipped on a light as Petra appeared in her robe. She sighed in relief when she saw it was him.

"Levi," she whispered.

"Sorry," he muttered. "I'm an animal."

"He's nothing to you. No one can ever be you." She was crying again, but stopped herself. Wiped her cheeks. "I'd rather live with you forever even if you never touched me again than go and be his."

"Yeah." He wanted to fall to the ground and sleep. He was so tired. Normally he wasn't tired. "Go to sleep. It's okay."

"Come to bed. Kuchel would like it."

There was blood on his hand. He slipped the hand into his pocket.

"Not tonight. Maybe later."

She deflated, but nodded. "Okay. I love you."

"You, too."

A little while later he was back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. He was exhausted, but he stayed awake until dawn.

Two weeks later

"Papa? Papaaaaa."

Kuchel plucked at his nose and then poked him in the eye. Levi woke up; finally managed to get a few hours sleep, and his daughter started in on him like this.

"Oi. Brat. Knock it off." He sat up roughly, smoothing his hair. This hotel couch was a lot more comfortable than Brigitta's had been. The last week, the family had been staying at a tavern since Brigitta had come home and needed her space. They still had a week to go before the move, a move that Levi wasn't even sure should happen now.

Anyway. Kuchel had come out of the bedroom to start smacking his face. He sat up and scooped Kuchel onto his lap. He stared at her as she tried putting her fingers up his nose and being fascinated with his face.

"Kuchel," he grunted. Then she snuggled against him, and all his badassery went out the window. "You ready to have a nice day with Connie and Sasha?"

And Jean. Levi needed at least one adult to watch over his kid. Mikasa couldn't, because she was still up in Mitras. She'd been let out after Levi put some pressure on Erwin, but she was under close surveillance. Damn idiot kid.

"Yeah. We gonna see tha zoo, annn see the aminals." Fuck that was adorable. He hugged her. Perfect little angel. "Papa you like the sofa?"

"Yep. Good, you know the word sofa now." He kissed the top of her head. "It's comfortable."

"Okay." She sounded resigned. A knock came at the door. Petra scooted out of the bedroom in her robe and slippers and opened on room service. Damn decadence. But there was a silver pot of tea on the breakfast tray. What a woman.

"Morning." She laid breakfast on the coffee table and poured him a cup. Levi pulled up his legs as she sat on the couch. They were easier with each other now. Resigned, more like it. Eh.

She looked beautiful in the morning, same as she did every time of day. Levi sipped his tea. Kuchel snatched some toast and carried it around in her mouth as she ran across the room and back.

"She's ready to see the zoo," Levi said.

"Yeah. So… The appointment's at eleven," she said gently.

"Mmhmmm." He drank his tea. They didn't look at each other.

At ten, the brats came to take Kuchel. Sasha had brought Niccolo with her, which Levi was grateful for. Two adults, three idiot kids. Better odds.

"Have fun." Petra smiled.

"Don't die," Levi said.

Soon after, he and his wife left the inn and made their way into the city, to the doctor's. The woman was very nice, talking to Petra as she conducted the examination. Levi sat in a chair at the side of the room and looked at the ceiling. Minutes crawled past. He couldn't take it, and went to stretch his legs a minute. He stood in the waiting room, staring at a bunch of women, two of whom had large pregnancy bumps. They smiled at him. He paced back and forth, until the door opened again.

"Mr. Ackerman?"

Captain. That was his title. Sort of. He let it slide and went back in to Petra. He sat beside her as she tucked her skirts back down. They heard the news.

She was pregnant. About a month along. Levi asked for a specific timeline. The doctor said likely it'd happened in the week of May 16 to 23.

"You can't get more specific?" he asked. "Like the exact day?"

The doctor looked bemused. "I'm afraid not. Congratulations to you both."

She walked out of the room, giving them time to get themselves together. He should have taken Petra in his arms and kissed her deeply. Instead, he felt like he'd just flipped a coin, and was waiting to see how it'd land.

"I'm pretty sure it's yours," she said. She worried her lip. "I'm almost positive."

"Yeah." Levi stared out the window onto the street. He watched cars and carriages drive past. He didn't even know what he was going to say, or what he was thinking. "So—"

"I've made a decision." She sounded very firm as she studied her hands. "Um. I don't think I should have it."

That fucking rocked him. He blinked at her, trying to find his damn tongue.

"Um. Are you okay with that?" he asked.

She looked amazingly cool, but he saw the quick quiver of her chin. The way her hand gripped her skirt for one second. She was not okay with it. Far from okay. But she smoothed her expression and her skirt.

"I just think it's for the best," she said.

Levi couldn't even say how he felt. He'd been bracing himself for a potential collision, like getting hit head on by a truck, and now it was like the car was just swerving out of the way.

"It could be ours."

"It might not be. And I…" She had to take a few deep breaths. He felt panic bubbling underneath her cool.

"You don't want it if it's his."

She looked away. Got herself under control.

"I know if it's his it'll hurt you."

She would want it. Not because it was Erwin's, but because it was hers. Petra was opening up her chest, cutting out her heart, and handing it to him.

"Petra…"

"Please listen." She settled herself again, but the tears were brewing. "I thought about it this past week. If it's his, it'll just be a living reminder of what I did. You'll never be able to get away from it. You'll…I don't know if you'll even want to raise it. We're already fragile enough, I don't want to smash what we've got left. And…" Her lip trembled. She shut her eyes. "I don't want to hurt you. I hurt you so much, and I can't stand to hurt you any more."

"You'd do this for me?"

"I'd do anything for you."

He shrugged. "Was a time you said you'd never do something like that. Ever."

"That was before…"

"Before you couldn't be certain if it was mine."

"Before I knew how much I loved you." She spun away from him and bent her back. He saw her shoulders shaking, trying to suppress the tears. Or silently giving them their way. "I love you so much. I'd give up anything for you. I'm not doing this so you'll come back. I know our time together may just be over. But I'll take this over any kind of life without you in it."

She'd cut her soul into pieces for him.

She'd break her own heart for him.

And she'd ask nothing in return.

She'd kill a child she wanted for him.

Just to make him less unhappy.

She didn't want anything from him.

Oh, fuck.

Levi felt every muscle in his body relax. He stared at the floor, shook his head.

What the fuck's wrong with me?

Here he'd been afraid she'd prefer Erwin, and she was willing to irreparably damage herself just so he didn't have to feel pain. Just for him.

"Oh, fuck," he whispered. He got up. He stood in front of her and took her by the shoulders when she tried to turn away. "Listen to me. I want you to have it."

The dam was breaking now. She was red-faced. The tears were coming.

"I, I don't want you to—"

"You want to know something? I ever tell you about the time I killed two guys for Isabel's sake?"

The two jerks had cut off her pigtail and stuck her face in some trash. So Levi had gone out and stabbed them both to death in an alley. He had felt nothing while he killed them. They'd both been seventeen. Boys. Kids.

He'd killed them and gone home.

"You were protecting her." Petra looked up with wide eyes.

"From what? She was already safe. They didn't molest her, or seriously hurt her. They just got rough. They were assholes who deserved broken bones, not death."

He killed them like he'd take out a bag of trash. He felt nothing. He was abnormal.

"Levi…"

"Someone I loved got beaten up. I killed two people as a response. Everyone shrugs and says that kind of reaction's fine." He shook his head. "You thought I was dead. Gone forever. You were in agony. You slept with someone to try to take the edge off…and I've been treating you like you were some kind of fucking traitor, or monster."

"No. You haven't. I deserve—"

"To be sitting here ready to kill your own kid just so I don't feel worse? So you can lie in bed without me and remember the shitty thing you did for someone who wasn't even grateful?" He cupped her face in his hands. He felt the dampness of her tears. That beautiful face. She looked at him with so much love. "I was such a fucking idiot."

"No." She was openly crying now. He wrapped his arms around her. So what if she ruined his shirt? He'd get a new one. Try to save this one in the wash, but that wasn't the priority.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. Fuck me. I've been a weak piece of shit. I've been a cowardly asshole. I was afraid you'd be disappointed in me, so—"

"Don't you know how perfect you are for me?" She was heaving with sobs now. The door opened; the doctor wisely shut it again. "I wished he were you the whole time. I prefer everything about you. Your size. Your lips. What you do to me. He can't compare with you. He's not even a shadow of you."

He felt the truth of every word. Levi shut his eyes. He'd been so afraid that Erwin had erased him. Erwin hadn't even come close.

He kissed the top of her head. He wiped her tears and kissed her forehead. She smelled heavenly, white soap and tea. He kissed her cheek. Her lips quivered as he traced them with his own. Then he kissed her.

Petra gave a soft, gentle moan as he did. He was buried in her again, the feel of her starting to excite him. The flame was lit. She'd give up everything for him. She'd murder her own soul for him. He hadn't known what he had.

"Have the baby," he whispered.

"What if it's his?"

"We'll figure it out. But I know if you don't, you'll hate yourself. And me."

"I don't want to hurt you. You think it's okay now, but—"

"I'll deal with it. If this is the big problem of my life, I'll be a lucky man." Her lips were sweet. And he felt himself getting hard. Fuck, if they went on like this he'd get arrested for indecency when he tried to walk out the door. He kissed the tip of her nose.

This is what you become without her.

You can't be without her.

She's the best part of you.

"Let's go home and tell Kuchel she's got a baby brother or sister on the way."

"What if you regret it?"

"Tch. Did you learn nothing from me?" He stroked her cheek. "I have no regrets."

They walked back to the inn, and for the first time in almost a month he could really feel her at his side. Her hand slipped into his. He squeezed it. They went upstairs, and Petra shut the door. Immediately he took her hand and led her into the bedroom. She gasped in hope, in anticipation. She sat on the bed and gazed up at him with those sweet amber eyes. Levi took off his coat. He stood before her, cupped her chin.

"I want you on your knees," he said.

"Yes." She slid to the floor, and immediately undid his belt. He watched her unbuckle him, unbutton him. This time, she gave a joyful sigh when she saw him hard and ready for her. Levi shivered as he watched her take his cock in her hand. He throbbed desperately in her touch as Petra kissed the tip, kissed the length. She closed her lips around the tip, swirled her tongue. Levi grunted.

"You know what I want you to do," he said hoarsely.

She hummed, and her head began to bob. He watched her lips on him, the golden-red hair swaying as she fucked him with her mouth. Petra made ecstatic noises. She gripped his ass and squeezed. Levi felt the tug begin at the base of his spine, the beginning of an orgasm. She made love to him, licked him, kissed him, cupped his balls. She was happy to swallow his cum. Fuck, he was almost there—

"Stop," he whispered. She did. She looked up at him with pleading desperation. She wanted more. All of him. "Take off your clothes and get on the bed."

She obeyed eagerly, revealing the cream and rose and gold of her body. The sight of her naked breasts and the sweet thatch of hair on her sex could've made him come alone. She lay down, spread and waiting for him. His hunger was back. He was famished. She was desperate for him, not Erwin. This was what she craved.

He crawled on top of her, hissed in pleasure as his naked body aligned with hers. Petra moaned, her hips bucking. He took himself in hand and trailed the head of his cock up and down her seam, reveling in how wet she was. She kissed him passionately, running her fingers through his hair.

"I'm your master," he whispered against her throat. Petra gasped. "You let him touch what's mine."

"I'm so sorry, sir." Her voice was breathy, eager. "I was so weak."

"This is mine."

He thrust deep inside of her, and it was coming home. She was warm and tight around him. Fuck, he'd dreamed of this when he was dying on that island. He'd yearned for it when he was too ill to take her. He'd mourned it when he knew what'd happened between her and Erwin. But now he was rock hard, deep inside of her soft body. His. She was desperate for his touch.

Petra moaned, shifted under him.

"Fuck me, sir. Please fuck me."

"Quiet."

He thrust hard. His hips jerked. They fucked, or he fucked her, and the sounds of that fucking echoed in the room. Petra whispered and cooed 'oh' over and over as he fucked harder. He went to the hilt, felt her contract around him. His. This was his. He looked down at her face, at the flushed ecstasy of her cheeks as he took her. Petra wrapped her legs around his waist.

She was pregnant now. It could be his. It could be an intruder. He fucked her harder, the bed screaming beneath them, as he imagined that he was fucking her deeper than Erwin had. That if Erwin had planted himself inside her, Levi could change that through the sheer force of his thrusts.

"Ah. Ah." She started to grimace as he struck her cervix again and again. "Ow. Levi, ow!"

He stopped. His heart was pounding, he wanted to tear the pillows apart with his teeth. Erwin had taken Levi's place inside her body, and may have staked his claim. Gross as that sounded. Levi couldn't…

"I'm sorry," he croaked.

"It's okay. Oh god, it's so good." She kissed his lips. She loved him, and inside of her could be growing something that wasn't his, that…

No. No, he didn't hate the kid. He didn't hate Erwin. He just hated…

Oh. Fuck.

"Levi?" She looked horrified. Then her face blurred. His eyes…

Shit. He was crying. He looked away from her, though he stayed inside her. Shit. Shit.

"Baby. Oh, sweetheart," she whispered.

"Fuck off. Don't look at me." Wave after wave of feeling crashed over him. He hadn't cried in front of her. Ever. Not for any reason. Not even when he came back from the dead. Fuck, he was so fucking weak. He…

"Shhhh." She stroked his face. She kissed him, though he pulled away. "Please. Let me see."

"Yeah, so you can be fucking embarrassed."

"I want to see you cry. I want you to feel everything."

"Because you can tell yourself I'm a fucking pathetic piece of shit?" he barked. He came face to face with her. Fuck, still crying. She kissed his damp cheek. When he tried to pull away, she held him.

"You're human. Humans should feel everything," she whispered.

"I'm less than human."

What you become without her.

"Please." She wouldn't unwrap her arms or legs. She held all of him. She kissed his lips, clenched tight around his cock. "I want to see all of you. I love every bit of you."

No, how could she? He was so fucking small and ugly. He was warped.

"I don't cry," he growled.

"Everyone does. You don't have to cry as much as I do." She nuzzled him. "But I want to know everything that hurts you. Especially if I do it."

"You don't hurt me. I hurt myself." A tear slid down his cheek. She wiped it away. When his vision cleared, he saw nothing but love in her eyes. Nothing but acceptance. Not a hint of disgust, of embarrassment for him. "Petra, I don't care what happened."

"I know."

"I don't own you. You thought I was dead. I'm not mad at you."

"I know that."

"But I just keep thinking of him and I can't help but…compare."

"You can't compare. You're so far above him." She kissed the tip of his nose. "He could give me gold, palaces, the best of everything, but he still can't be you. I want you, even if you're sick. Even if you're poor. No matter what happens, I want you instead of him."

"Not for pity," he muttered.

"I pity him. Not you." Her lips caressed his face. He felt her kiss on his cheeks and chin and lips. "He can't be as good as you are. No one can."

"I'm a piece of shit."

"No. You've had to be strong for too long, with no one to help you. Please let me." She kissed him again. "I'd do anything to help you."

"You would, wouldn't you?"

He looked at this woman who loved him so damn much. Beyond reason. He didn't deserve this love, but it was his. He relaxed into her embrace once more. Her heart beat against his. He kissed along her jaw.

"Even if it's his, I want you to have it. I want as much of you in this world as I can get."

Petra sighed. She nuzzled him. They kissed. When he was hard again, they didn't fuck. They made love. Only a few times in his life Levi could say that, but this was one of those times. He felt like he was merging with her body as he made love to it. He stroked, thrust, and kneaded her breasts, angled himself so that he rubbed that one private spot he'd found that time in the shower in Valle. When she came, tears streamed down her cheeks with the sheer overpowering force of her pleasure. She put him on his back and rode him to his climax, sitting up straight so that he could gaze at every inch of her body. Every inch she preferred to give him and no one else. Her hips swirled as she had him touch her breasts. She worked him hard, eyes hazy with lust.

Erwin hadn't even gotten the shadow of her.

When Levi came, his whole body arched. He didn't roar, or groan. He gave a high, free yell as he filled her. She cried out in double ecstasy.

Then they were in each other's arms, a little damp, but a bath could fix that. He stared at the ceiling, running his fingers up and down the sweating line of her back.

"Keep thinking I got to the bottom of you," he murmured. "But there's always something new to find out. It's exhausting."

"I guess that's what marriage is supposed to be." She grinned, and kissed him.

She smelled like heaven, tasted like paradise. She fucked like a goddess. He was getting hard again. She'd broken the spell over him.

"I have to ask one more thing," she whispered. "Should we tell him?"

He thought. "Let's wait and see what happens. Maybe it'll look just like you and we'll never be able to tell."

Better not to get Erwin involved until they knew something.

"I really made things complicated," she whispered.

"It wasn't just you. He played his part." Levi rolled back on top of her. "Plus if I'd let Hange stay on the ship, everything would've been fine."

"Hange could have died."

"I would never be so lucky."

She gasped and slapped his ass. He had to punish her for that.

He punished her three more times.

"When you're feeling better, you need to come visit us." Petra sat beside Brigitta. Her sister looked all right. Her hair was washed. Her nightgown was clean. But she kept staring out the bedroom window, looking at anything but Petra. She took Brigitta's hand. "There's so much we can do."

"You're pregnant again." It wasn't a question. "Mama told Edvard. I heard her on the phone."

Shit. Petra lowered her head.

"I wanted to tell you myself."

"I'm happy for you." She sounded lifeless. "I'm happy for everyone who gets the one thing I wanted." Her chin trembled. "The only thing I ever wanted."

"Gitta, please…"

"Maybe the secret is not to want anything. The thing you want most is the one thing you can never have." Her sister looked at her. Petra had never seen anger in Brigitta's eyes before. Not for her. "Except you got Levi. You even got him back from the dead. So maybe I'm just fucking cursed."

"Brigitta, please." Maybe she shouldn't say anything, but the words tumbled out. "There are so many children who need to be adopted. You can have a family—"

"I wanted. My own. Children." There was growing rage in her eyes now. Brigitta beat her fist against the mattress. "Why don't I get what I want? Why did it get taken away right when I almost had it? Why do you get everything no matter how many times you fuck up, and I don't?!"

She screamed. She screamed and sobbed into her hands. Petra got up as Edvard rushed into the room. He looked ten years older than he did last week.

"Please. She needs rest," he said, guiding Petra out. They shut the door.

"Edvard, I'm so sorry."

"Your mother's coming down. That'll help. I'm so sorry she snapped at you." Gentle man. "She's got it in her head that you've always had it easier than her."

In some ways, perhaps she was right.

"Do you think we're cursed to not get the thing we want most?" she asked.

Edvard shook his head. "I don't know. I guess I never wanted anything that badly."

She hugged him.

"She'll get better. Maybe not for a little while."

No. Petra's pregnancy would be a sore spot for a long time to come.

She missed her sister. She was right on the other side of the door, but Petra missed her.

"If you need something, please call."

"I will," he said. "I'll miss having you and Levi close by."

"The house in Trost is fixed. We're keeping it on. We'll be back to visit." She patted his arm. "I have to go. Remember…"

"I'll call."

He saw her downstairs and out the door. He waved at Levi, who stood beside the car. Much of their boxes and things had already been taken up to the farm. They had a few suitcases packed in the car. Kuchel waved out the backseat window.

"She okay?" Levi asked as Petra came over. She held him tight.

"I hate the world sometimes."

"Tch. Only sometimes? That's generous." He kissed her. They got in the car. Petra was driving, since she was far better at it. Levi hated cars, and anything mechanical. They both turned to the backseat, where Kuchel was buckled in and surrounded by a whole host of stuffed animals. She loved all her toys. Levi couldn't understand how one kid could need so much.

Well. Soon she'd share.

"Guess what, Kuchel?" Petra smiled.

"What?" She made Gretel wave at them.

"Mama's going to have another baby." Petra held Levi's hand. "You'll have a little brother or sister!"

"Yaaaay!" She tossed Gretel into the air and started swaying back and forth, singing her little song. "Ba-by bro-ther, I want to see my ba-by bro-ther."

"Or sister," Levi muttered.

Brother.

Oruo. Not Armin.

Everything would be just fine. Petra started the car and drove away, heading down the main street of Trost. Heading for the country.

For a quiet life with her family. A life of peace.

Eren was wrong. Simple as that.

He was wrong.

Erwin sat by the window as night fell. He had a glass of whiskey in his hand. He looked at the chairs where Levi and Hange might once have sat. Where they all might have talked through the night, or laughed. Well, he and Hange would laugh. Levi would scowl.

He stared at the spot where Levi should have been.

For the first time in his entire life, he felt truly and absolutely alone.

He put his drink down and placed his head in his hands.

At least being alone meant no one could see him fight the tears.

That was one mercy.