Answered Prayers

by slingzarrowz

Levi and Petra are in love and together. They are finally, perfectly happy. But as the world around them falls to madness, their love will change not only their own destinies, but the course of history as well. Rivetra.

34. Chapter 34

Petra felt about the size of a house. Every person who saw her said so, confirming her suspicion. The last time Hange had been there, a week earlier, she'd tried to measure Petra's circumference 'for science.' When Petra's mother had arrived to help with the birth three days ago, she'd taken one look at Petra laid up in bed and given an inadvertent gasp. 'It's going to be enormous,' she'd said. 'You look like a planet.'

Levi had grumbled something Petra was glad Ingrid couldn't hear.

Petra hadn't gone downstairs in almost a week, not since the last doctor's visit. He'd told her and Levi that any undue strain on her body was a bad idea right now. Plus, she was so big that if she fell over it could do serious damage to her and the child.

That was wise. She could barely get out of bed at this point. She got out of breath just going to the bathroom, and she had to grip the edge of the sink when she was in there in case she tilted over. She was a soldier still, always would be, and faced the physical discomfort with stoicism.

Emotionally, though, she was a mess.

"I'm going to scream," she told Levi when he came up to check on her that afternoon. Ingrid was downstairs making lunch. He'd just come in from feeding the horses and settling them for the coming snowstorm. His cheeks were crimson, and when she kissed him his face was wonderfully cool. He'd finished his work just in time. Snow fell heavily outside the window, blanketing the world in white.

"Yeah, you're not the lay in bed sort." He kissed her. He kissed her neck. "Least, not the lay in bed alone sort."

She made a noise of protest, then gripped his collar and kissed him deeply. God, he tasted wonderful. When she was right at the end of pregnancy, she always got extraordinarily horny. And once the kid was born, they'd have to abstain for six weeks. She nibbled his lower lip. Levi groaned.

"I don't want to be alone right now," Petra whispered. Levi understood her, and quickly took off his boots and jacket. He put them away in the closet, then slid into bed with her. Petra turned on her side and gazed at the door, moaning softly with pleasure as he gently lifted her nightdress. Levi ran his hand up and down her leg, whispering how fucking gorgeous she was. Petra felt like a balloon, but he made her feel beautiful with only a whisper. She bit her lip as he entered her from behind and started thrusting. He was pleased with how wet she was. He had been as ready as Petra; he also knew their favorite activity was about to go away for a while.

They didn't speak. Their breath came faster as he slipped a hand down the front of her nightdress and cupped her breast. He rolled his thumb around her nipple again and again, and that was enough, along with his expert movements and the simple pressure of being heavily pregnant, for her to erupt. She moaned his name as she climaxed, then felt him spend soon after. He kissed the back of her neck and stayed inside until he'd fully softened. Even then, he was reluctant to slip out of her.

"You're about to be someone's mother. Again." He shook his head ruefully. "Way too dirty-minded, Ral."

"You love it," she whispered, grinning when he kissed her cheek over and over. "Please stay for a minute. Hold me."

He went to wash up, as always, then came back and spooned her. His hand ran along the taut bump.

"So. Oruo or Nifa. Which do you think?" he asked. His breath tickled her hair.

"Oruo." Oruo. Not Armin. She hugged his arm. "Promise?"

"Yeah." He bit lightly on her earlobe. Petra moaned. "I hope it looks like you. Or it could have black hair again, wouldn't mind that."

Neither voiced their shared secret thought: they hoped it would not be blond.

"Kuchel can't wait." Petra rolled onto her back. Her husband gazed down on her. His expression never changed, no matter how big pregnancy made her. It was always gentleness and love, with a spark of lust. He kissed her lips several times. "Mmm. Where is she?"

"With Ingrid in the kitchen. She's making you some cookies." He grinned. "Means Ingrid's makin' 'em, of course. But Kuchel's adding faerie dust and shit."

Petra laughed heartily, groaning when the baby kicked and somersaulted. She rubbed her stomach. Sorry, Oruo.

"The doctor's on his way. We've got it all arranged; he's gonna stay on the estate in one of the guest cottages. And Ilsa should be here in a couple hours." He smoothed her hair from her face. "She'll share the guest room with Ingrid. I'll sleep in Kuchel's room."

"No need to make such a fuss." She sighed as he caressed her cheek.

"I don't want what happened with Kuchel to happen again. We were damn lucky nothing went wrong." He frowned. No matter how happy he was nowadays, that fear of bad luck never quite left him. It was inside of him. Unhappiness had wired his brain differently when he was young. He couldn't untangle it completely.

"Okay." She kissed his nose. "If it'll make you feel better."

"Tch. Acting like this is all for me?" He kissed her neck. "Spoiled brat."

"Very spoiled."

It was February now. The last few months had been a dream. Midwinter had been so much fun this year. They'd even gotten Brigitta and Edvard up for a visit. They'd given Kuchel a sled, which she loved and which left Levi in a constant state of anxiety. They'd had evenings in front of the fire, watching Kuchel play on the rug while Levi held Petra. She'd never seen him look so relaxed. They brewed cinnamon tea and Petra read from old collections of ghost stories. Levi did work around the farm, his hands growing rougher, his body stronger. It was now customary to see him smile at least twice a day. He had even started sleeping through the night on occasion. Now when he held her in his arms as she fell asleep, Petra had a good chance of waking to find him still in that position.

Kuchel was finally old enough to participate fully in winter. She had built snowmen, and they'd hooked horses up to a sleigh and taken a ride along the forest. Levi read the newspapers every day, but there was no sign of trouble on the horizon. He never received a call asking for his help in a national emergency. Hange and Pieck showed Kuchel how to ice skate (which scared Levi so desperately he almost slid out there to grab her a couple of times.)

The world had given them peace.

Now all they had to do was bring this baby into that world.

They looked at her stomach with a mix of anticipation and fear. Concern, rather. There was a fifty percent chance that…

She wouldn't think about that.

"Hungry?" Levi kissed her forehead. "I'll go get the tray."

"What did I do to deserve you?" she asked, batting her lashes. He grinned.

"Well. You're all right. You do your best." He kissed her shoulder when she playfully smacked him. He left and went downstairs as Petra pushed herself up, plumping the pillows. She groaned; it was hard to get a full breath sometimes. The ninth month was exciting, but also perpetually uncomfortable. Sometimes she wanted to scream at the baby to hurry it up.

Levi brought up lunch. It was stew, with bread and tea. Some ginger cookies waited on a plate with a note 'From Kuchel'. The little girl came upstairs, a dab of paint on her cheek. Ingrid had been teaching Kuchel the basics of art. Levi cleaned the spot thoroughly. Petra ate lunch with her daughter snuggled up next to her in bed. She gave Kuchel a couple of the cookies, and then after lunch read her a story. As the sky began to darken, Kuchel fell asleep beside her. Levi gently lifted their daughter and carried her to her room for a nap. Ingrid came in.

"How are you?" Ingrid smiled warmly. Really, these last couple of years had been the easiest Petra had ever had with her mother. It was a relief.

"Good, Mama. Thank you so much for lunch. And Kuchel."

"Please. I just can't wait to see my second grandch—"

She cut off her words. Oswald. The memory was still painful. Ingrid rubbed her eyes purposefully for a minute, then was her usual stoic self.

There was a knock downstairs. Levi walked past the open bedroom door.

"Probably Ilsa," he called, then headed down the stairs.

"A doctor will be here, yes?" Ingrid said.

"Yes. But Ilsa got me through last time. I really trust her."

"I mean, a midwife is all well and good for simple country people, but—"

"We are simple country people. Mama, don't start."

Ingrid gave a beleaguered sigh. "I just think it would've been smart to be in Mitras with the best hospital in Paradis. I'm not sure why you wanted it this way."

"Because we don't want to stay in Mitras for weeks after the baby's born." Petra tried not to be irritated.

Erwin at least was off the island at the moment. He was making an inspection of Aeropa, showing his face and being diplomatic with the conquered nations. He wouldn't be back for almost a month. So if the baby…

If it was his… Well. She didn't want to be around a bunch of officials and nurses who might notice a resemblance. Besides, Petra wanted time and space to think of how to approach it with Erwin. If.

But it wouldn't be his. It was Levi's. It had to be.

Ilsa barged in without knocking. Ingrid nearly leapt into the air, undoubtedly shocked at the sight of the burly, unflappable woman as she placed her kit on a chair and sat on the bed next to Petra. Levi trailed in her wake.

"How're you doing, sweetheart?" Ilsa spoke kindly. She felt Petra's pulse.

"I'm all right. I just want to be a little less heavy, if you know what I mean."

"Oh, I do." Ilsa chortled as she pressed on Petra's neck, just below her ears. She nodded, seemingly happy with what she found. "My kids were all pains in the ass during the last month. Couldn't wait to shit 'em out by the end."

"Excuse me?" Ingrid appeared faint.

Levi looked pleased.

"Your guy says a doctor's coming?" Ingrid tried to hide her contempt.

"Yes. He's a few hours away."

"Hope he gets here soon. Storm's kicking up in a couple hours."

Oh. Great. Petra tried to get comfortable as Ilsa talked to Levi, walking out of the room with him. Ingrid looked ready to collapse from all the uncouth talk as she followed them.

For an hour, Petra tried to read. Levi came in to check on her. Ilsa did, too. All throughout, Oruo did somersaults. She grunted when she felt him lean against her bladder. She didn't love the sensation.

It began to get fully dark, and the doctor still hadn't arrived. The phone rang a couple of times. Someone got it. A minute later, she heard Levi banging around downstairs. He spoke to Ilsa. Then they both came up to her. He looked pissed, but Ilsa seemed unfazed.

"Just heard from the doc. He's stuck at a tavern in town, ten miles out or so. He's gotta stay for the night."

"Again with this shit," Levi growled. The lines that were slowly developing on his face deepened.

"I did just fine the last time, son." Ilsa remained one of the only people on earth utterly unafraid of Levi Ackerman. "Besides, it's not like she's in labor or any—"

"Don't say it," Petra barked. "Don't tempt fate." She kept pulling herself up, trying to sit comfortably. Ilsa helped with more pillows. Levi hovered beside the bed, looking anxious.

"Maybe you should get dinner going," Ilsa said.

"Tch." Levi hated being ordered around, but he also admired Ilsa's sheer nerve. He took Petra's hand, kissed it. "Soup and sandwich sound okay?"

"Of course." She beamed up at him. He leaned down and kissed her. "But hurry back."

"Miss me that much, Ral? Tch. Weakling."

She made a shocked noise and kissed him harder.

And that was the moment when her water broke. Petra shrieked as she felt the liquid gush out of her.

"What's wrong?" Levi went from frightened to borderline irritated when he beheld her face. "Oh no. Don't fuckin' tell me."

"Yes," Petra said. "Sorry."

He glared at Ilsa. "You did this."

The midwife didn't reply, only pulled the covers down. She nodded.

"Okay. Better get goin' on that soup, son. She's gonna need her strength pretty soon."

Levi swore colorfully and walked out the door, calling for Ingrid as he hurried down the stairs. Ilsa chuckled and shook her head.

"Men. They get so flustered around this sort of thing."

"I'm pretty flustered myself," Petra said. Ilsa went to her kit and started pulling out linens and vials of strange liquids.

"Don't know what he's so freaked out about. He knows how this ends, and he knows that it's his."

Ilsa said it breezily, but Petra's smile disappeared.

---

Levi glared at the snow as it came down. Wanted to go out there and punch the weather in the face.

Three hours had passed. Or more. He'd gone up a couple of times but Ilsa wouldn't let him in. Petra sounded fine. Just needed her space. He'd at least been allowed in to give her dinner. He never liked seeing her in labor. Her face was perpetually red, her eyes tight with oncoming pain. He'd sat with her a little until the contractions started up again. Then he was kicked out. Damn midwife.

Levi had called the doctor. The storm made connection kind of a bitch, but the guy said everything would be fine. In fact, there was a good chance his services wouldn't be required. He asked Levi to call back if Petra delivered, or if things took a turn for the worse.

Levi hoped for the former.

He sat before the fire in the front living room. He looked into the hearth, his leg jiggling. He wished now that he and Mikasa hadn't chopped so much damn wood last month. Chopping wood would've been something to do, even in a blizzard.

He was a man of action. This was one area that left him completely helpless. He hated that feeling more than he hated physical pain.

"Papa?"

Kuchel came over, sucking her thumb. She dragged a teddy bear by its leg. Ingrid had dressed her for bed. Levi picked his daughter up and put her on his lap. She patted his face.

"Papaaaa."

"What, Kuchel?" He wasn't normally short with her. Just the stress. He'd be fine in a little while.

"Is Mama okay?" She gave him those big, hopeful eyes that could've melted his heart at its stoniest. He hugged her.

"Yeah. She's fine. Oi." He kissed the top of her head. "Pretty soon you're gonna have a new baby brother or sister."

She cheered and started singing her ba-by bro-ther song. She added a bunch of nonsense la la la's as Ingrid came out of the kitchen.

"Time for bed, sweetheart." She picked Kuchel up.

"Nooo! I wanna, I wanna see my ba-by bro-ther."

"It's gonna be late when the baby gets here," Levi said. "Go to sleep."

Kuchel fussed and made faces. Sometimes she was a little too damn spoiled for her own good. She was gonna be four in a few months. Maybe it was time to start handing down more rigorous punishments. Though the idea made him feel a little sick. Still, Levi tried to stay patient; it was something he worked on for Petra's sake.

"Oi. I remember the night you were born." He stood and took Kuchel from Ingrid. He walked her upstairs as the wind howled through the eaves. The house creaked a little. He hated that sound. At least in the underground, you weren't afraid of the wind. You didn't feel like the house could get knocked away around you. "Uncle Erwin and Aunt Hange were there. I heard this cry, and I went in the room and there you were."

Kuchel leaned against his shoulder.

"Was I loud?"

"Very. But that was good." He opened her door and carried her to bed. Kuchel's room had a little rocking chair and a toy chest, a dresser, a bookcase, and a lamp shaped like a heart that Petra had found. It was a soft room filled with soft things. He wanted Kuchel to stay soft, at least a little. Ingrid stood in the doorway and watched as he tucked Kuchel in under her little pink and blue blanket. She reached out her arms, so he put the teddy bear in with her, and Gretel. She loved sleeping with all her dolls. Sometimes she had so many that it looked like some giant form was sleeping in the bed alongside the kid.

Levi listened. Good. You couldn't hear Petra from down the hall. He didn't want Kuchel to hear the labor groans. She'd only hear her mother if Petra started screaming.

Hopefully, Petra wouldn't.

"Papa, read me story?"

"I will if you stop sucking your thumb."

She did, so he read some real quick story about three bears or wolves or pigs, whatever, he wasn't so focused. He kissed his daughter and turned out the light. He left the door ajar, like she preferred. Then he walked downstairs, Ingrid right behind.

"Everything will be fine, Levi." She sounded gentle as they returned to the living room.

"It's not always fine."

He froze. He'd meant that in the abstract, but then remembered Brigitta. Shit. Idiot.

"Uh. I mean…"

"It's fine," Ingrid said. She sat down. She looked tired whenever Brigitta was mentioned. Haunted. "Some things just…aren't meant to be."

True. Life was a force you couldn't fuck with. Want to find love? Too bad, not your choice, it either happens or it doesn't. Want a family? Better hope fate doesn't fuck with your biology. Want food, security, peace? Better hope you live in a prosperous time and a prosperous place.

Levi knew that life carried you along, not the other way around. But the fact that you could choose so little of it pissed him off.

"How is Brigitta?" he asked.

"She's…well, she's having a hard time with the fact that Petra's new baby is coming." Ingrid spoke plainly. "Some days she's better than others."

"She can adopt."

"I know. In time, I hope she will. But right now, I think she feels too cheated."

"She was." He shook his head. "She's one of the kindest women I know. She'd raise a great kid. It's not fucking fair."

"Thank you." Ingrid didn't even tsk about his language. The house creaked once more as the wind picked up speed. Levi watched the stairs, waiting for a sign. "Levi, this is probably going to take a while."

"Last time it was pretty quick."

"That doesn't mean this time it will be. Willem came so fast I was almost disappointed. I expected a real struggle. Then Petra came." She laughed. "I was in labor for almost a solid day. She was too stubborn."

"Things don't change. She still is stubborn."

And things could still go badly wrong. He hadn't been there for Brigitta's ordeal, but he'd heard about the blood. The screams. His palms began to sweat; he rubbed them on his pants. Anyone would say one family couldn't have that much bad luck, but then Levi Ackerman wasn't just anyone. He had endured some of the worst luck ever known…and some of the best. But he believed everything had its price. Happy now? You'll pay for it later. That thought always soured joy, but he couldn't help it. It's how he was wired.

"How about I make us some tea?" Ingrid said.

Well. He'd never say no to that.

Another two hours passed. It was closing in on midnight. Ingrid had fallen asleep in the chair, her knitting laid in her lap, and the fire was burning down. It just was too fucking quiet. He didn't even hear any of those short, cathartic screams women give when they're pushing as hard as they can. Fuck. Levi climbed the stairs and knocked on the door.

"How's it going?" he asked.

No answer. He knocked again.

"Yes?" Ilsa sounded a bit terse. His heart slowed.

"Can I come in?"

He expected her to tell him no, but the door opened. Levi entered.

Petra was lying on the bed. She was flushed. Her hair was plastered to her face with sweat. And…tears ran down her cheeks.

"Baby?" he rasped. He pulled up a chair and sat by her side. She gripped his hand. "What's going on?" He looked back at Ilsa. "What?! Is the baby turned around like last time?"

"No." Ilsa looked tense. "I…I think the head might be too big."

Petra gave a little shriek, almost like a teakettle going off.

"Too big? What's that mean?" No, no, no, fuck no, no…

"It means that the baby can't come out naturally. I was hoping it would prove me wrong…but it's looking more and more like it'll come down to an operation."

He felt like he was falling down into a deep pit.

"How can a baby be too big for its goddamn mother?"

"The child's large, and Petra's small. We humans were designed wrong. Too many natural flaws."

"Were you gonna tell me this was happening?" he snarled.

"You knocked just as I was about to come downstairs."

"Levi." Petra squeezed his hand. Her brow furrowed; she bared her teeth. "Please be calm. It… Uuuuugh, god, it hurts!"

She started weeping. The pain was too much.

"Operate. Get it out of her." This wasn't happening. Last time he'd been so certain it'd go wrong, but Kuchel had come easy. This time he'd let himself believe it'd be simple…

Never trust good things. Never.

"I can operate if it comes down to it, but I think we should try to get the doctor. I need more sterilized equipment. A more sterile environment, honestly. If it's a C section, she should really be in a hospital—"

"Yeah, thanks for that fucking helpful observation," he snapped. "How do you expect us to do that now? Huh? Got a hospital in that fucking bag of yours? You seem to have everything else."

"Don't be rude," Petra hissed. Even through the agony on her face, she looked a little cross. Always ready to scold his bad behavior. Damn brat. Damn angel.

"What happens if we don't get it out?" he asked. Ilsa hesitated.

"I'm not afraid," Petra said. She blew out her cheeks, then groaned as the contraction got worse. "Just tell us."

"The baby will die." Ilsa worked her jaw, made a decision. "Petra could die as well."

He would take a knife and cut the damn thing out himself. He wasn't going to lose her. Not after all this shit. Not after the fucking nightmare of last year.

"I'll call the doctor." He kissed her forehead. It was clammy. "Just keep breathing. You're doing okay."

"Actually, I should call. I know what to tell him," Ilsa said. Fine. Fuck. He told her where the phone was, and stayed right at Petra's side. He held her hand. She was warm. She was still here. She wasn't gone. Not yet. Not ever. He'd go after her and drag her back from death if he had to. Levi gripped her tighter, wouldn't let go. Why had he wanted another baby? Why hadn't he been happy with just Kuchel? Why had he believed he could ever be lucky? Why had he gambled with her life?

"Levi, you're squeezing too hard."

"Sorry." He kissed her fingers. "You'll be okay."

"Of course I will." She gave a weak smile. "This'll be a great story one day. Giving birth during a snowstorm. Needing an operation. It'll be very dramatic."

Tears stood out in her eyes. He knew she was thinking of Brigitta. He kissed her forehead again and again, her cheeks. He devoured her face.

He had never been a demonstrative man before her. He wasn't open like this with anybody else on earth. But he showed her he loved her as he kissed her.

In case there wasn't another chance. In case these last hours were all he had left.

Should he wake Kuchel? He didn't want to scare her, but if Petra started to go downhill fast the girl wouldn't be able to say a proper goodbye. She'd wake to find out Mama was dead and the baby brother was never coming.

The door opened. Ingrid entered, looking serene. But Levi saw how pale she'd gotten. This had to bring up the nightmare of Brigitta all over again.

"Talk to Ilsa?" he croaked.

"Yes." She knelt beside the bed and smoothed Petra's hair out of her eyes. "Levi, would you get me a basin of cool water and some cloths?"

He wanted to apologize to Ingrid. She'd been right, and he'd been an asshole. If they'd been in Mitras now, it'd be fine. But Petra might die because of his stupid, backward—

"Sure."

He went downstairs and passed the phone room on his way to the kitchen. He heard Ilsa speaking loud and enunciating clearly. Storm probably had the phones on the fritz. As he banged around the kitchen and got everything together, he heard the wind whipping past the door. It screamed like a devil.

If that's what a devil sounded like.

He filled the basin and brought it back upstairs. Ingrid dunked and wrung out a cloth, then cooled Petra's forehead. Levi felt so helpless, but this woman knew what to do. He hovered behind her. Right now, he was a fucking lost child.

"Is the doctor on the way?" Ingrid asked.

"Ilsa's still talking to him. I'll see." Thank fuck, something to do.

He stumbled downstairs, feeling like a damn errand boy. A useless kid. He almost ran into Ilsa as she was headed for the stairs.

"What'd he say?"

She sighed. "He's going to see if there's anyone in town with a vehicle powerful enough to make the trip. If not, he has to wait. It's ten miles. He—"

"I'll go." He went for his coat, and nearly socked the woman when she grabbed his arm and whirled him around.

"Listen to me! Your car isn't going to be strong enough to get through the storm, especially if snow has blocked off the roads. Riding a horse would be crazy; the doctor can't travel that way, and you'd die trying to get there. If you go out there, we're going to end up sending a search party. And if you take away help or attention from your wife right now, I'm going to kill you myself when they find you."

What a bitch. She was absolutely right.

"Hey. Thanks," he croaked. She released him. "Lots of people try to be nice and soothing when this shit happens. I needed you to tell me off."

Ilsa gave a quick laugh. "Well. I appreciate that you don't mind getting told off."

"So what now?"

"The doctor will call back with an answer. If he can get here, we'll wait. If not…"

"You'll do it yourself?"

"I'll have to. I'll give it a little more time just to see if I'm wrong, but if I'm not I'll do the operation. I have a painkiller, something to keep her from going crazy when…if I have to cut. If it all goes right, I can have the kid out in a few minutes."

"Have you ever done this before?"

She hesitated.

"No?"

"Yes. I have." She didn't meet his gaze now. "I've worked with a doctor several times, and it always went smoothly. And…I did it alone once."

That didn't sound like a happy incident.

"Let me guess. The kid didn't survive."

"The…the mother didn't, either."

He wanted to lie down on the ground and rip his heart out of his chest ahead of time, so he would not feel too much when she was gone. Inside, he was a maelstrom of chaos and horror. On the outside, he probably looked vaguely annoyed.

"Guess I'm glad you're honest. Though I wish you lied."

"I don't think lying solves anything." Ilsa squeezed his arm. "The doctor should call back in half an hour. Let's wait."

He went up and down the stairs, checking on Petra, waiting by the phone. He repeated this over and over again. When the phone finally rang, he almost tore it out of the wall.

"Yeah? Doctor? Hello?"

"Mr. Ackerman?" It was so damn hard to hear. "I'm sorry the…storm it…"

"Listen to me. Listen. I just need a simple answer. Can you get here or not?"

Silence. Clicks. The whine of what sounded like wind, and in the distance a static-y voice.

"Hello? Doctor? Fucking asshole, talk to me!" he barked.

"Sorry." Guy sounded affronted. Too bad. "The storm dies in…few hours. We…then."

"No. No, get here now."

"I can't! The plough…in this weather. Once it stops, we can…"

He cut in and out, but Levi got the picture. "So what? We…we cut it out on our own?"

"Talk…Ilsa."

Levi handed her the phone and stormed out of the room. He stood at the foot of the stairs, trapped between motion and stasis. Ilsa came up to him.

"What's he say?"

"We hold on until we absolutely have to do it. They might get here by then."

"When will you know?"

"I'll know." She patted his shoulder. "Right now, you have to stay calm. You have to tell her it'll be all right. If this goes the C section route, she's going to be in a lot of pain and terrified."

This was his fault. He'd wanted a baby. He wanted to see her with another baby, and he'd killed her for his selfish wish. How could he have been so stupid? Didn't he realize that a long, happy life together couldn't be on the cards for him? He was fucking cursed.

Levi went up to Petra while Ilsa discussed the logistics with Ingrid out in the hall. Levi stood over the bed. His wife looked so tired. Tears kept leaking down her cheeks, and her nose was running as well. Disgusting. He took his handkerchief and wiped her down.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Exhaustion. Ilsa said that was the real culprit. If she became too exhausted, she wouldn't be able to push no matter what. That's when things got bad.

"You're gonna be fine. We're just waiting on the doctor," he said. He almost believed it himself.

"Do me a favor?" She gave short, shallow breaths as she squeezed. Her eyes shut, and she wailed. When she relaxed against the bed, she cried again.

He wished he could take the pain from her. He'd do anything. Kill him, let her live. Better he die than her.

"Baby." He kissed her forehead. She was still here. But if… But if something went wrong and she left, he could only imagine all the cold and lonely hours that stretched ahead of him.

"Please get Kuchel. Just in case," Petra said.

"She's dead asleep." He didn't want this to scar the kid.

"I know. I'll be calm. Please, Levi."

He checked with Ilsa. She said okay. He went to Kuchel's room and picked her up gently. The girl didn't like being woken out of a cozy sleep. She whimpered and almost cried with her tiredness. He carried her to Petra's room. Ingrid and Ilsa were all strained smiles. Petra beamed when she saw Kuchel.

"Mama? You okay?"

"Of course, sweetie. I just wanted to give you a big hug."

Kuchel yawned, but happily nestled against her mother. Petra kissed her over and over, stroked her hair, and told her what a wonderful girl she was. Levi felt trapped. This was a nightmare. Petra was saying her fucking goodbyes.

"It'll be fine," Ilsa whispered. "It's just a precaution."

I used up all my luck when they found me alive on that island. I knew I'd pay the price someday.

"Mama, is the baby here yet?"

"Almost. It'll be here when you wake up tomorrow."

That's a promise you can't know that you'll keep.

Ingrid's lips trembled. That smile was going to fall. Levi pulled her outside and suggested she get some sleep. Just an hour or so. He'd wake her if anything happened.

He didn't feel like he was living his own life anymore. He was watching it, like a play. He hated plays.

"Okay. I love you so much, my beautiful girl. I love you so, so much." Petra hugged Kuchel; her face started to break. This could be the last time. The last hug.

Fuck the world.

"Love you, Mama."

Then Levi took Kuchel back to bed, tucked her in. She fell right asleep, smiling as she hugged her teddy bear.

Hopefully she would see her mother alive again.

Levi went back to the room. Ilsa was working with Petra, trying to see if they couldn't get this done naturally. She helped the woman stand, hoping the force of gravity would just rip the kid out. Levi supported her as well. Petra screamed so loud that Kuchel woke up and fussed. Levi had to go back and forth between them for ten minutes or so. Finally, he got the kid asleep again. When he returned, Petra was back in bed. Ilsa looked grim.

While Petra lay there and struggled not to cry, Levi and Ilsa met in the hall once more.

"It's going to be a C section." Ilsa sounded resigned. "I want the doctor to be here if only because he's got a shot that'll numb her from the waist down. He's certified to have it. All I'm allowed is some basic pain reliever."

"How long can we wait?" he croaked.

"I'll tell you when it's time. For now, we make her comfortable."

They did. Levi brewed her cinnamon tea. He wiped her face. Ingrid woke up, and Levi tried to lie down in the hallway and nap, but that was impossible. He sat by the bed and held Petra's hand while Ingrid sang a few songs. Nursery songs. Songs Petra had heard as a baby.

His wife was starting to lose the will to fight. She didn't cry with the pain so much anymore. She was winding down. Too exhausted.

"I love you," she told him. She sounded calm. He kissed her hands and lips.

"I love you. You're going to be fine. Just hold on."

At three in the morning, the wind finally stopped. Levi went outside with a lantern and saw that the road was layered in white. The doctor said they had a plough. He had told Ilsa that an emergency team was standing by, waiting to move the second the storm ceased.

They'd be on their way now.

"How long do you think?" he asked when he returned. Ilsa was just giving Petra a pain reliever.

"Ten miles? They have to plough?" She shook her head. "Two hours if we're lucky."

"Just two more hours, baby. You can do it." He kissed her forehead.

"Levi. Listen." She pulled him down to whisper in his ear. "If I go, and it's his…"

"We're not talking about this right now." He'd go insane if they started planning Petra's funeral and Erwin's…

"I just don't want you to hate it."

"I won't hate it," he lied. He kissed her again. "If it's yours, I can't hate it."

She smiled gently. He knew she knew he was lying. But there was only so much you could do.

One hour passed.

Petra kept pushing, but now it was hard for Ilsa to get her to do it. Levi got some hot water at Ilsa's request, and more clean cloths.

Ilsa rummaged through her kit and took out a box. Inside were a few scalpels.

Levi wanted to scream.

Two hours passed.

It was five. He was both exhausted and wide awake. He sat on the floor beside her bed. He kept holding her hand and kissing it.

Petra's breathing was slow. She wasn't trying anymore. She was exhausted.

The baby was just too big.

Half an hour later, the sky was turning gray. Ilsa checked Petra's pulse. She pursed her lips.

"It's time," she said.

"The doctor's not here." Levi got to his feet.

"I have to move now. I promise…" She looked him in the eyes. "I'll do this right."

You killed the last woman you did this to.

Petra gazed sleepily at both of them. She shook her head side to side. No.

"Baby, we gotta cut it out. You'll both be okay," he said, not believing what he said. Ilsa took the cloth from Levi. She had him help her move Petra so that she was lying on the extra sheet. Then Ilsa gave the woman another drink of that pain reliever, and brought out iodine and antiseptics from her bag…along with a leather strap.

"You'll need to bite on this," she said. Petra started to cry.

Levi couldn't fucking breathe. He…

There was a sound. Outside. A motor. Men's voices.

He and Ilsa looked at each other. She nodded.

"Hurry. Go now."

He exploded out the door and down the hall, down the stairs. He raced outside and leapt off the front porch. Fifty yards off, he could see them coming up the road. The plough was pushing snow out of the way, sending sprays of white to either side. Levi charged over, yelled for the doctor. A small man with graying hair jumped down from the plough, and he and Levi ran for the house.

"She's starting. She said you've got…a shot." Levi didn't know what he was saying.

"All right. I'll need to speak with the midwife." The doctor breathed heavily. He wasn't an athletic man. Levi grabbed him around the waist and fucking carried him the last ten yards. The doctor whimpered; too fucking bad. They went faster.

They were inside. Ingrid stood at the top of the stairs.

"Is that—?" she asked.

"Doc. Go. Now!"

Levi shoved the man. He almost stumbled on his way up the stairs, speaking to Ingrid as—

Petra screamed.

It was the longest, loudest scream Levi had ever heard in his life. It sounded like agony. When she finished, it seemed to hang in the air.

Ingrid ran for Kuchel. The doctor ran into Petra's room. Two doors slammed.

That left Levi, alone and absolutely fucking useless.

Levi just slumped to his knees in front of the stairs. He leaned over, knitted his fingers behind his head, and waited. He waited five minutes. Ten minutes.

Then he heard a child cry. An infant.

---

The baby was here.

Twenty minutes had passed since he'd heard the baby cry. Ilsa had exited the room soon after, carrying a bundle. Ingrid met her in the hall. They spoke urgently together as they went to Ingrid's room.

Then Ilsa went back inside to Petra. Levi didn't even try to stop her to ask about his wife. Maybe he was too afraid. Levi stood outside his bedroom door and listened to the voices…

"Don't go in." Ingrid stood next to him, looking almost delirious. "They have to get her stable."

"So she's alive?" he croaked.

"Yes."

"Will she be okay?" Why was he so calm? He wanted to pass out.

"Probably." That wasn't good enough. "Levi. Let me wait here. He's in my room."

He.

The baby.

The boy.

Ingrid shoved Levi back down the hall to the guest room. He opened the door and saw the bundle lying on the bed.

Then he looked at the child.

That had been almost twenty minutes ago. Now Levi stood there with his hands in his pockets, staring at the wall. On the bed, the baby gurgled. Levi didn't want to look at it. He'd seen enough.

He'd turned on the lamp and brought it close to the boy, just to make sure.

He was sure.

The kid didn't have much hair, but what little there was, well, it was not ginger or black. It was fair blond.

The kid was huge, far as babies went. Much longer than Kuchel had been.

Levi knew that babies' faces changed. That what they looked like just out of the womb wasn't how they necessarily looked later. But even with the squashed newborn thing, he knew the shape of that face. The shape of those eyes.

And just as a finishing touch, he had seen the faint outline of eyebrow, where the hair would eventually grow in.

The kid's eyebrows would be fucking huge.

He took a deep breath. He released it slowly.

Oruo.

But that was the name of his, of Levi's son. This kid was not…

This fucking kid.

Levi had told her to have the baby. He'd told her he could handle it. Maybe if Petra was all right, maybe if he knew she'd live, this would be easier. But it felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Kicked in the balls. He felt fucking cheated. Like he was some bird coming back to the nest, ready to feed its baby, and what he found was a giant fucking cuckoo.

He felt like this little bastard had killed Levi's son.

He turned and leaned against the dresser. His arms were shaking. The baby gurgled again. It started to cry. The sound split his brain.

He felt in that moment the urge to take the knife from his pocket and stab the—

"Papa?"

Levi whirled around. Kuchel was there, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"Hey. Brat," he croaked. He went and knelt before her. "Listen, Mama—"

Kuchel gasped. Her face lit up like it did on midwinter morning, when she saw all the presents waiting under the tree.

"Is that him? Izzit him?" She bounced on her toes.

"That's…yeah. That's him."

Kuchel raced over to the bed. She gazed rapturously on the baby's face. The kid's eyes were shut. His crying had stopped; good, because Levi wasn't going to pick him up and comfort him. He hated that creature in ways he couldn't believe. He—

"Ba-by bro-ther," Kuchel sang. Grinning, she nuzzled his cheek. "I love my ba-by bro-ther."

"Yeah," Levi said. He stared stupidly at her. "Yeah. He is your brother."

Kuchel loved the kid. That was…something.

"Ba-by bro-ther." She kissed his cheek. The baby made a face and started to cry again. Kuchel shushed him, then tried poking his nose. That only made the kid cry harder.

Levi couldn't stand the red-faced thing.

"Kuchel. Go get Grandma."

"Okay!" She ran out of the room. Ingrid could comfort the baby. Levi didn't want to touch him. He backed away, then took a step forward.

Erwin's son stopped crying again. He waved one tiny fist.

Well. At least we got a clear answer. We know whose you are.

Fuck, he was gonna have to talk to Erwin. Should Levi call? Could you send a telegram about this? You're a father—stop. Congrats, asshole—stop.

Ingrid came in and picked up the child. She shushed and swayed him. The baby stopped crying again. She kissed his face, looked lovingly on him. Then she glanced at Levi. He saw her expression. She knew.

"So," he said.

"I'm very sorry." She bounced her grandson. "I…I know Petra spoke to you about this already."

"This was my idea. She was gonna get rid of it. For me." He shook his head. "I knew she'd never forgive herself if she did that." Though now he wished she had, just so he didn't have to suffer this pain. He couldn't help it.

"You're a good man."

Such words from Ingrid. It was definitely a mixed up world.

"I don't even know if she's gonna make it." He sat down on the floor.

"She will. I know she will."

Levi looked at the wall. "Ingrid, if she doesn't…"

Send the brat to Erwin? Maybe give it to Brigitta?

"Don't talk like that, please."

Fine. They waited until Ilsa came in. When she entered, Levi sprang to his feet.

Her face told him everything. He could've melted in relief.

"She's stable. She's delicate right now, but she'll make it. It didn't damage her uterus either, so if you want more children it's not impossible."

Petra had two children; Levi only had one. He wondered if Ilsa had put two and two together when she saw the big blond kid. If she noticed how not-Levi the brat was.

"Petra's asleep right now. Obviously she can't breastfeed at the moment. I'd like to feed him; do you have any milk?"

Levi glared at the baby. Starve, bitch.

It was so ugly a thought he winced. He almost made himself sick.

"Yes. In the refrigerator," Ingrid said. "And we have bottles."

"Good thinking. I'll go sterilize them and warm the milk." Ilsa left. Ingrid sat back down on the bed as Kuchel bounced into the room. She looked joyful. To her, this was a great day. She sat next to Ingrid and sang little songs to the baby, kissing his bald head and tapping his nose. Ingrid beamed at the little boy; she couldn't help it, the kid was her grandson.

Levi was the only one here with no relation to the bastard.

He hated it. The hate boiled behind his eyes. He ran his hands down his face. He hated it and he was so fucking tired. He was almost delirious.

But Petra would live. That was what mattered.

"I'm gonna see her," he said, and left. He went into the bedroom, where his wife was asleep and very pale. He sat beside her and brushed hair out of her face. Her chest rose and fell softly. Her lips were bloodless, but they'd get rosy again. He kissed her forehead, her cheek. "It's a boy, sweetheart."

"Mmm." She shifted and smiled a little. She would love her son. Levi would hate it. Hopefully one day he would stop feeling that way.

For Petra, he would learn to endure anything. But this, man. This fucking stung.

"Mr. Ackerman?" The doctor came in, his hand out. Levi shook hard. "Let me tell you, having that midwife here saved the child's life. She started the procedure just in time."

Thanks a fucking lot, Ilsa. He winced. Ugly thoughts. For an ugly man.

"Thanks for saving my wife," Levi said.

"I'm just glad we got here in time for me to contribute anything." He laughed a little. Levi didn't see the joke. "Anyway. I need to write out the birth certificate."

Oh. Right. That. The doc went to his bag and took out some papers and a pen.

"Just a few questions. Specifically, what's the child's name?"

"Uh." He looked at Petra, dead asleep. She had said Oruo, but…that had been the name for their baby. Levi's son. He felt attached to the name; didn't want to give the intruder in there one more thing. Levi was already gonna give it his damn last name, since otherwise it'd be a giant walking advertisement to the world: my wife fucked another man.

Erwin. This was Erwin's fault. If Levi had just chosen different on that roof in Shiganshina, none of this would've happened. He couldn't think straight. He just thought of that roof, of Erwin, of Armin…

"Mr. Ackerman?"

"Yeah. I got the name," he grumbled.

---

An hour later, they were sitting by the bed, all of them. Ingrid soothed the baby, while Kuchel was asleep next to her mother. Levi leaned over and kissed Petra. This time, she woke. Damn sleeping beauty, another of Kuchel's faerie stories.

"Morning, brat," he whispered. She beamed, then seemed to remember what was going on because she shot straight up. Petra cried out, grabbing her stomach. The stitches, they hurt. "Oi. Pet. You gotta take it easy." He sat on the bed and laid her back down.

"The baby. Is it…?" She looked panicked.

"He's fine. He's here."

Levi helped her sit up more slowly, then moved aside as Ingrid deposited the child into his mother's arms. Petra slid away the blanket from around his face, taking a good look at her son. Levi saw it all happen; first came the blind surge of love. Adoration. Mothers ought to love their children, no shame in that.

Then she slowly realized what she was looking at. He saw the horror on her face.

"Levi…" she whispered.

"Hmm? Mama! Mama, Mama." Kuchel woke up and climbed on her mother. Ingrid and Levi both snapped at her to stop that, which made Kuchel start to cry. Which made the baby start to cry. Two sobbing kids; Levi's new hell. He stayed against the wall while Ingrid got them both under control. Then Kuchel snuggled against Petra, and patted the baby's face. "He's my dolly," she crowed. She gave lots of little kisses, planted them all over the kid's face. The baby sneezed in response.

"My poor little guy," Petra whispered. She kissed his forehead. Levi could see how much she already loved this brat. She glowed with it. But when she looked at Levi, the happy radiance diminished. She bowed her head, ashamed. "I'm so sorry. Oh god, I'm so…"

Ingrid cleared her throat and went to get lunch. Levi came and sat on the bed again. He looked at the boy in Petra's arms. Kid looked so natural there. So loved.

"I told you to keep him," Levi said. "I knew the risk. Plus, he's a cute little shit."

"Papa, bad word." Kuchel shook her finger at him. Little scold. Then she had her mother lay the baby on the bed, so Kuchel could pat his belly and adore him. She had her doll say hello, kissing the baby and talking in a weird, high voice. The kid just looked stunned, one fist raised.

"I ruined your life." Petra sounded despondent. He cradled her face.

"You gave me a life. Shut up."

She smiled a little. He kissed her.

"What do we do?" she asked. He knew what she meant.

"I don't think we should…" He sighed. "Let's wait until he comes back. This feels like news you want to give in person. Phone calls and telegrams, there's too many ways they can get messed up."

She nodded. "Okay." She bit her lip. "What should we do about the last name?"

"I gave him mine," Levi muttered. Petra gripped his hand.

"Are you sure? We…we could always just give him my maiden name."

"And let the whole world know? Nah. We'll keep it simple."

"Well." Petra lifted the boy again. The baby looked at his mother. His eyes opened fully for the first time. "Hello, my angel," Petra whispered. She loved this kid. She couldn't help it. She laid the baby in her arms, and Levi started in surprise.

The boy's eyes were a warm, liquid amber.

"He's got your eyes," he croaked. At least one thing that wasn't Erwin's. Looking at those eyes made Levi a little bit easier. He leaned over the kid. "Hey. You got nice eyes."

The baby cooed at him. The little guy was pretty still. Very relaxed.

"He's not like Kuchel was," Petra said. "She was grunting and squirming around the minute she was born."

"Yeah, this one's quiet." Levi liked that fine. Kuchel giggled and then tried biting the baby's nose. What a fuckin' weirdo. Levi corralled her onto his lap.

"Hello, Oruo," Petra said. She beamed at him. Shit.

"Ah, Petra? I didn't name him Oruo."

She whipped her head up. He saw a strange look in her eyes. It was wary, strangely…fearful.

"What?"

"Look, I wanted Oruo to be our son's name," he grumbled. "I mean, this kid is…he's ours because he lives with us. I gave him my last name. But…" Fuck. Levi shook his head. "I named him something else."

"Armin?" she asked softly.

He frowned. "How the fu—fun did you guess that?"

His wife collapsed against the pillows, holding the baby—Armin—to her breast. She stared off into the middle distance. She looked pale again. Like she was a million miles away.

"Oi, Petra? You okay?"

She recovered a moment later. But he could see a new, tight desperation whenever she looked at the baby. Ilsa and the doctor burst back into the room, talking fast. They stole everyone's attention. Levi resolved to ask Petra about the weirdness later. How she could've guessed the name like that.

But the place was a madhouse that day, with the doctor and Ilsa and Ingrid, Pieter insisting on coming up despite the weather and Levi having to brave the snow to get to the station, talking to Brigitta and Edvard and Willem on the phone, calling Mikasa and the rest of the brats, calling Hange, figuring out where to put everyone for the night because Ilsa and the doc didn't want to head home until tomorrow so they could observe mother and child, and eventually Petra looked fine anyway. Rosy cheeked and laughing.

So Levi just forgot to ask.

---

From the moment Petra held her son in her arms, she was in love. He was her baby, after all, and the sweetest little creature alive. She got him to nurse. He was obedient and gentle. Afterwards, Petra just was happy to sit there the whole afternoon rocking him in her arms. Pieter and Ingrid both fell in love as well, and Kuchel didn't want to leave Armin's side. She kept bringing him toys, and telling him bizarre stories. She tried to feed him cookies, which the adults told her he couldn't eat. Then she said they ought to get a leash for him, which everyone found frankly strange.

But Armin was so good. He was fine being passed around, and didn't cry much. But when he was in Petra's arms, he was at his most blissful.

'He's such a love' Ingrid said. He was. Over the next two weeks, Armin wanted nothing more than to feed and be cuddled, especially by his mother. He would open his amber eyes and gaze at Petra, his little newborn mouth curling in a smile. 'He's a Mama's boy' Pieter said. And he was.

Petra adored Kuchel with every breath in her body, and she knew the girl loved her in return, but Kuchel was Levi's. Their bond was almost mystical. She worshipped her Papa. Petra felt something similar here with her son. They could just stare at one another for minutes on end, beaming endlessly.

She knew he looked like Erwin, but for some reason could forget that fact completely. It was the eyes. They were her eyes. Petra seemed fated to have her children take after their father…fathers. It was satisfying to make her mark in even a small way.

Ingrid and Pieter stayed on for that first week, then Ingrid remained for the second. Because of the C section, Petra was on total rest. She could only get out of bed to use the bathroom. Her mother changed Armin and bathed him.

Levi watched, but he didn't touch the child any more than he had to.

That was the fracture in Petra's heart. She had never expected that Levi would love Erwin's child right away, obviously not as much as he loved Kuchel. But she'd hoped it would be easier for him than it was. It really was the one dark spot.

Well. Maybe not the one dark spot.

He'll name it Armin. Then it will be too late.

A few nights after Armin was born, Petra had told Levi what Eren said. It had rocked the stoic man a little.

"Look. I know he's got some freaky Founder powers," Levi said. He kissed her hand. "My guess is he saw a few sneak peeks of the future, and tried to use that information to convince you to do whatever he said. When his plan with Zeke failed, he wanted to scare you. Shitty payback. Simple as that."

"I suppose that makes sense," she said. She wanted to believe it.

She almost believed it.

After two weeks, Petra was up and moving again. After being bedbound for so long, she wobbled a bit. Taking a shower was a tricky proposition, since she had to avoid getting water on her stitches. They said in time you wouldn't know the scar was there.

She took care of Armin, and Levi managed Kuchel. They met in the evening for storytime, where Kuchel would crouch by Armin's bassinet and smoosh his cheeks while Petra read tales of glass slippers and beanstalks.

"She really adores him," Levi said. He was happy to see his daughter so happy. Kuchel's love was what the man liked best about the new child.

Armin was good for a newborn, but he still cried in the night. This time, Levi did not walk the baby up and down the halls as he'd done with Kuchel. Petra didn't expect that. But…

"Do you think you can like him in time?" Petra asked one day. They were downstairs, sitting by the fire. Armin was asleep in her arms, the firelight glowing on his soft, full cheeks. Precious cheeks. Petra glanced at Levi, who always made a point not to look at the kid more than he had to. "I know I can't ask you to love him."

"No, no. I get it." Levi rubbed his eyes. "Pet…"

She watched her son sleep, and didn't press Levi to elaborate. It was touch and go. Sometimes Levi seemed okay with the boy. Then he'd see Armin nursing—Erwin's face sucking on Petra's breast—and he'd walk straight out the door and pace on the porch for a while. Once he went out to the garden shed. Ingrid told Petra he'd smashed a few clay pots.

But he was never aggressive to her, or angry in the house. She was lucky that he was so disciplined. So good.

"I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying that." He was a little terse. Then he sighed, slid over. Put his arm around her, kissed her head. "Now I'm fucking sorry." He held her close and looked down at the baby. "Look. I'll be honest. The first day I wanted to throw him out the window." Petra flinched, but she wanted his honesty. "Now I'm starting to like him. Most of the time."

"Erwin gets back in a couple of weeks. I think we'll have a better idea of what to do when he knows," she offered.

"Mmm." Levi stroked the baby's cheek with one finger. Armin gave little whimpers as he woke, then reached out his tiny fist. He clung to Levi's finger, gazing at the man with fascination. Levi smiled; a real smile. "Know what? When I see him like this, I think of Erwin. Way he used to be. Curious. Chubby."

"He was never chubby!" Petra giggled.

"I dunno, he started stress eating a couple years after I joined the Corps. Got kinda moon-faced." Levi was teasing, of course. But he let Armin hold his finger. The baby even gave a little smile. "Yeah. I sort of see the best of Erwin when I see him like this."

"We'll figure out a way to take the burden of caring for him off of you," she whispered. "I don't want you to have to give too much."

"Thanks." He sounded relieved. He kissed her cheek. "Look, just give me time."

She would. She'd give him everything he needed, as much of it as she could.

Things began to go back to normal. Three weeks on, Petra was operating at fifty percent capacity again, though she needed to spend a lot of time in bed. She'd almost opened her stitches a few days before, and Levi had forced her to rest again. Petra would watch the snow falling outside her window. She would feed her son. She would read stories and cuddle with Kuchel. She would lie there with her husband, her head on his chest, his hand in her hair, and just enjoy the silence. When Armin needed to be changed or bathed, Levi helped Petra out of bed. He liked the boy better these days, but he still didn't want to change him if he could help it. He just didn't like holding Armin all that much. Petra understood.

Though Levi did do little things, like help fill the tub for Armin's bath. He did pick out the soap, and seemed to like the fact that Armin loved his bath time so much. The baby splashed happily.

"It'll get easier," he told Petra.

She did not deserve this man.

Three weeks after Armin's birth, Petra was becoming more comfortable and confident. She felt less apologetic about loving the boy. She loved Armin's soft cheeks, his little grasping hands. She let Kuchel sing lullabies to the baby. Levi was easier now, happy to get into bed and sit alongside her, ankles and arms crossed. Kuchel would bounce around, he'd tell her to quit it, Petra would soothe Armin when he cried.

They were really a family in those moments. She loved that.

But she thought of Erwin. Her stomach contracted then.

One week to go. Levi had planned everything. He'd meet Erwin at the new airfield up north; Paradis was getting its own air force now. He'd pull the king aside and calmly explain the situation. Then he'd bring Erwin here, to meet his son.

It would be handled delicately. Everything would be fine.

Mama returned to the farm at the end of the third week. Petra wasn't progressing as well as they wanted as far as getting out of bed was concerned, and Ingrid wanted to help with the baby. Neither wanted to put too much stress on Levi. He appreciated that. The days were simple.

Petra watched the snow outside and kissed Armin when he fussed.

One more week.

---

Erwin was glad to cut his trip short by a week. He smiled as they descended through the clouds and he saw the runway below. He never got tired of going up into the air, seeing the world from such a distance. Up high, it looked so pristine. A toy world. But landing always gave him a little anxiety. He sighed in relief as the plane set down and they landed smoothly.

The pilot was excellent. Hard to believe only six months before, she'd never flown an aircraft. Kiyomi was being gracious, teaching the Paradisians the ways of aviation.

And the tour of Aeropa itself…

Erwin had sometimes forgotten he was a conqueror. He had been fascinated by the different styles of architecture, the food, the different histories. He had loved the customs. He was that young boy again, the bright child with an appetite for innovation. Change.

He had always wanted to see the world. He'd now seen a good portion of it. Humanity was wonderful…when they didn't want to kill him.

The tour had yielded some good diplomatic results. After Hybernia, Erwin had gained the world's fear. Now he was showing that so long as he wasn't attacked, he could be a good and just ruler. He left as much autonomy in each nation's hands as he could. He respected their traditions, had no inclination to force them to adopt Eldian customs. That earned him a lot of gratitude. He was not like the Fritz kings of old. He made certain that the newspapers printed that over and over. Erwin was not a Fritz.

He was a new king.

His only remaining problem was Historia. Her absence was growing louder with every passing day. Pretty soon he was going to have to come up with a story…

"You okay, sir?" Floch asked. He'd been Erwin's 'titan' aide on this trip. Connie was too essential to protecting Paradis, and Pieck still wasn't one of Erwin's own. It had to be Floch. Sadly.

"Only thinking that it's nice to be home." The propellers stopped. People ran out with a rolling ladder to let the passengers down.

"Nothing beats Paradis." Floch's eyes shone. He had the fever of nationalism; Erwin had seen it. He didn't love it. He believed you should take pride in your homeland, but you should not believe that simply being from a place made you superior to anyone else. Being the descendant of great men and women did not gift you their greatness. The door opened, he and Floch deboarded, and they walked across the tarmac. Vehicles were waiting for them. Erwin blew on his hands and rubbed them. His breath steamed in the air. It was early March. Spring was close, but not close enough. They got into the car. It pulled away, heading down the road. This far north, there were only the foothills of mountains and farmland. It was peacefully sparse. There was rarely any traffic around here on the trans-island highway. A straight shot to Mitras, passing all the way through Wall Rose.

Erwin looked out the window. He thought of Levi and Petra. The baby must have arrived by now. He smiled; Levi was probably being hassled by the demands of two young children. What a delight.

These last few months, he and Levi had exchanged a few phone calls. They didn't last long, but they grew longer with every session. Erwin could feel the thaw begin. Their lives could never go back to what they had been, but evolution was still possible. He hoped for some reconciliation, some renewal of friendship.

A new baby was a prime opportunity for a visit…

No. He couldn't just show up. Spring himself on them.

Erwin sighed. He leaned against the seat and closed his eyes.

"You all right, sir?" Floch asked. He always sounded so eager to leap whenever Erwin needed anything.

"I was thinking that the Ackerman farm is just on the way. Levi's new child has probably arrived by now."

"Should we stop over?"

"I don't want to inconvenience them," Erwin said, desperate to be talked into stopping. Floch obliged him.

"Do you think they don't want you there?"

No, actually. Levi had explicitly said that Erwin should come see the baby when it arrived. He'd as good as invited the king. There really was no traffic at all. They'd be at the farm in an hour at this current rate…

Oh, why not? Erwin had brought some trinkets from his travels. He had a good bottle of Gaellin wine. Some bright strings of beads from the interior countryside. He'd even made sure to pick up a doll for Kuchel, one of Madrian porcelain. He'd only stop in on them for a minute, leave at once if he felt unwelcome.

He missed the Ackermans. It had been almost a year. Levi said he and Petra would want to see Erwin at some point. He told Erwin Petra wasn't angry with him.

Why not? Erwin should dare.

"We'll be making a stop on the way," he told the driver. Erwin felt his heart beating faster. He felt almost giddy with anticipation. He wanted to see Levi's face again. He'd be utterly respectful to Petra. So much time had passed since…that night.

Even if it was a reduced form of friendship, Erwin would take what he could get.

He felt almost shy as the car pulled up to the farmhouse. Erwin got out, nodding respectfully as the door opened and Petra's mother emerged onto the porch.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Ral. I hope I'm not inconveniencing you?"

"Oh." The woman looked plainly shocked to see him. Perhaps the change in his appearance surprised her. Erwin's hair had grown a bit longer in back. The undercut was a thing of the past. And he'd developed a thin line of beard. It traced his square jaw rather nicely. He looked like a proper king, he'd been told. A sedate, older man. He was getting noticeably gray, and wanted to look distinguished. "Majesty. I…I'm just here visiting. I…" She looked back at the house. Erwin frowned.

"Is something wrong?"

"Um. No. No."

"I've come to see the baby. That is, if Petra's delivered?"

"The baby?" She looked wary. "So you know?"

"Know what?" This woman was starting to worry him. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes. Petra's fine. She had a boy."

Erwin beamed. "That's wonderful. Is Levi in?"

He began to feel odd just standing in the snow like this. He approached the house. Mrs. Ral stepped to the side to allow him entrance. But she looked so damned weird that he didn't feel right going in.

"Levi's out. He had to go to town. The market."

"I see." Erwin hovered on the threshold. "Perhaps…perhaps I should wait for him? Or perhaps I've been too forward, coming here."

Erwin's heart sank. Of course the woman was jumpy around him. He was persona non grata to the Rals and Ackermans now. What an idiot he'd been.

"Mama?" Petra called from inside the house. She sounded close by. "Who's at the door?"

"The king," Ingrid replied.

"What?" Petra sounded shocked. "I thought he was coming home next week."

"Change of plans," Erwin called, still parked on the threshold. Now he really felt stupid. He heard a baby's cry, and Petra making shushing noises. "Petra, may I come in?"

"Um. It…" She sounded hesitant. Erwin backed away, ashamed. Of course she didn't want him here without Levi present. Erwin was an arrogant fool. He should go…

"Unwin! Unwin!" Kuchel exploded at him out of nowhere, jumping up and down. He lifted her up. The girl hugged him tightly. "I missed you!"

"I missed you, too," he said fondly. He found himself stepping inside the house as Kuchel tugged on his collar.

"See Armin! Armin's here!"

Armin? The baby. The name made Erwin flinch, but he understood. A nice gesture, that.

Well, he could simply deposit Kuchel with her mother and then take his leave. He carried the child into the living room where Petra was laid out on the sofa, a blanket over her legs. On the table beside her was a wicker bassinet. The baby within had stopped crying, and now gurgled.

"Erwin." Petra gaped at him. She looked almost dizzy. "I…"

"Sorry to intrude. I was on my way home and thought… I see you're busy." He set Kuchel down. She ran to the bassinet and cooed at the bundle within. "Please, tell Levi I said hello. If you'd like, we could—"

"See Armin! He's my dolly." Kuchel pulled Erwin's hand. Petra looked faint.

"Are you well?" he asked.

"Yes. I…you know what? Yes. I think you should see him," she murmured.

Odd. She sounded like she was preparing herself for something. Erwin knelt down and smiled into the bassinet.

It was like being hit with a hammer. The sensation shocked him, almost rendered him unconscious. His body reacted before his brain understood what he was looking at.

The child…Levi's child…looked so…

For Erwin, it was like looking at a long ago family drawing. A sketch of himself. A half-remembered dream of childhood.

The eyebrows were so…

How could Levi's son look so exactly like Erwin? How?

Then he remembered that Petra…

Only a couple of days after Levi's 'death', she claimed she had just gotten pregnant. A couple of days after that conversation, she and Erwin had sex.

He and Levi had made love to her in the same week…

The math wasn't impossible.

He was…

Erwin was…

The air went out of him. He bent over.

"Erwin?" Petra whispered.

He pulled himself together and looked into the bassinet again. He'd just imagined it. He waited to see a little boy with black hair. Erwin had been mistaken. He'd imagined himself, superimposed himself onto the baby. Pure egoism.

But the baby still had his face. The baby had the shape of Erwin's eyes.

The fucking eyebrows. He saw the outline of how they'd grow in. They'd be massive.

"Ah." It was all he could say. He heard Ingrid and Floch talking by the front door. They sounded like they were at the bottom of a well. Erwin stood, wavered. He sat down in a chair. Hard.

The child…

His child. It was as much his as Kuchel was Levi's. He…he had a son.

He was a father.

He didn't know what to do. Laugh? Cry? Both?

"May I hold him?" He sounded so faint.

"Of course." Petra's eyes were filled with tears. Gently she lifted the child from his bassinet and laid him into Erwin's arms. Erwin cradled the boy—his son. He gazed down in adoring wonder. He could feel his life expand in that moment. The little boy squirmed just a bit, made adorable little noises. Erwin whispered hello. The baby's eyes opened.

I'm your Papa. Hello.

Erwin grinned then. He grinned as the tears welled in his eyes. This was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He couldn't believe the love that he felt. It was so natural. It was bottomless. It warmed every bit of him. He could not imagine ever getting tired of adoring this little bundle. He could not imagine ever wanting to do anything but hold him.

"Erwin, we were going to tell you," Petra said. She sounded mortified. "We wanted to wait until you got home. Levi was going to meet you at the airfield next week. But then…"

"I believe you," he said. Of course he did. The Ackermans were honorable people. The baby raised his little fist. Erwin held it delicately between his fingers. His son yawned wide. Erwin lifted the boy, kissed his forehead. This child. This perfect miracle. "It's all right. I'm here now."

Hello. I've spent my whole life waiting for you.

He had wanted a child, and he had resigned himself to living without one. And now, a miracle.

He looked at Petra. She had her hair down. She was dressed in loose, sloppy clothes. Comfortable clothes. But she was so beautiful.

She had conceived his son. She had carried his son. She had given birth to his son.

Without her, Erwin would not have this joy.

"Petra," he whispered. "He's ours."

She made a soft noise and looked away. Erwin only had eyes for his baby. His baby.

"Armin is my dolly," Kuchel said proudly.

Armin. That name suddenly burned like acid. Erwin shook it off.

"He's beautiful." He smiled at Kuchel. "Just like his big sister."

Kuchel beamed and twirled. That precious girl. She loved her little brother so. She was so like Levi, and…Armin…was so like Erwin. They should be always together. The best of friends.

The idea warmed him. He felt the baby grip his finger. The boy cooed.

"I love you so much," Erwin whispered, kissing the baby's cheek. Five minutes ago he had been happy for his friend and nervous to see him, and now the most wonderful event of Erwin's life had occurred. How quickly things could change. The boy squirmed, and smiled. He opened his eyes—he had his mother's eyes. How wonderful. Erwin imagined the years ahead of them, what he would teach the boy, how he'd see him grow into a man…

You will die when he's eight years old.

Erwin came crashing down from the glorious heights. That wasn't enough time. Not nearly enough.

"My little boy." Erwin felt almost dizzy.

"Please. Can I have him back?" Petra extended her arms. Erwin almost wanted to say no. She'd had weeks with the boy; Erwin had only just met him. But he acquiesced, laid the child in his mother's embrace. Petra shushed the boy, bounced him. She looked on him with such love, the emotion overcoming her plain discomfort in this situation.

She loves him so much.

In that moment there was no woman more radiant on this planet. She had given Erwin a son. She loved his son.

"Petra," he whispered, rising.

Then he heard voices. Floch's. Ingrid's.

Levi's.

Levi came racing into the room. He tracked in snow; he hadn't even stopped to wipe his boots. He had truly been in a great hurry.

"Hey. Erwin," he said. He was breathless. Must have come in at a run.

"I'm sorry. I should have phoned ahead of time." Erwin felt like an idiot, but he was still in a daze.

"Nah. It's fine. Glad you're here. I just wanted to meet you at the airfield is all."

"My fault. I changed the schedule."

"Okay. Good. How about we talk outside a minute? Let Petra feed Armin?"

Armin.

"Yes."

The two men stepped onto the front porch. Erwin sent Floch back to the car. Floch wanted to know what was going on, but Erwin demanded he leave. He was brusque. Floch retreated like a dog that's gotten a harsh word. Finally, Erwin and Levi were alone. Erwin stared at the smaller man. This was the first he'd seen of Levi in almost a year, a reunion he had wished for every single day, and now the delight of this didn't register too strongly. Erwin was still in euphoric shock.

He had a son. He was a father. It was incredible.

"I am so sorry," Levi said. He was earnest. "This went wrong."

"Please, I'm not angry. I know you planned to tell me when I landed next week." Erwin frowned. "But why not tell me there was a possibility?"

"It was my shitty idea. We were afraid the kid would look like Petra or something, and then neither of us would be able to tell. It'd get awkward."

"Yes. I see." It did make sense. Levi looked so much older than he had a year ago. Wrinkles were finally forming at his eyes. He seemed so tired. Perhaps the weariness had come from his wife having a child that wasn't his. Erwin felt a flash of guilt. "Are you very upset?"

"Tch. Eh. Took some getting used to, but I'll be fine. He's a cute kid." Levi gave a smile. "Real image of you, huh?"

"It took my breath away." He laughed, almost giddy.

"Yeah. I know what that is." Levi was sincere. "I'm just glad you know now. We can start talking about how we want to do this."

"Do this?"

And then it hit Erwin. It was so obvious. He didn't live here. He wasn't Petra's husband. He had to go back to Mitras, an hour or so away. He couldn't just walk into a room and hold his son whenever he liked. Levi must have seen his expression change, because he talked fast.

"We had some ideas, but we want to hear what you think. The first year's tricky because he needs his mother so much, but after that we were thinking you could have him at least one day a week, two weekends a month. You could have your pick of holidays. And you can visit whenever you want. Our door's open."

Visit.

He would be able to knock on the door and visit his son for maybe two hours a day. He would be able to have the boy in his home one day a week.

After the first year. Erwin would miss most of the joys of babyhood.

He had no words. He was supposed to sit in Mitras and grab small snatches of affection wherever he could. Be a benevolent stranger in his son's life. A friend of the family. Levi would be here all the time. He would teach the child how to be a man by example.

Then again, maybe that was for the best. After all, Erwin would die when the boy was eight. Then Levi would be the only father he had.

And that thought almost sent him to his knees.

"What's his last name?" Erwin asked.

"Ackerman." Levi winced. "We can change it if you want. Just didn't want to presume."

Ackerman.

The boy would have Levi's influence. Levi's name.

Erwin would not even get this one precious thing.

"Listen. Fuck. I'm doing this wrong." Levi gripped his arm. "How about you come up here tomorrow and we'll talk everything out? We could do it now if you want."

"I'm a bit…overwhelmed…at the moment." Understatement. Levi nodded.

"Okay. You got it. Listen, fuck what happened last year. Petra agrees with me. We want to start over." He looked quietly pleased. "I know it's under the weirdest fucking circumstances, but it's good to see you."

Thanks for the visit. Now kindly get out of your son's life. Erwin felt dizzy.

"Likewise." He felt hollow.

"Look, you don't have to go right now. Do you? Wanna come back in? We were gonna start dinner soon. Why don't you stay?"

"I'm so sorry, I have to get back." He felt like an actor with a rehearsed line. Exit stage right. "Tomorrow."

"Come up whenever. Stay all day. Oh, shit. I'm real fuckin' glad you know now. I wish I could've prepared you better."

Prepared.

"I'll see you tomorrow. In the morning."

"Okay. Good. Want to say goodbye to him?"

If Erwin held his son again at this moment, he knew he would not be able to leave without him.

"I'm sorry, I have to go."

Erwin didn't remember Levi going back inside. One instant he was talking to Levi, the next he was on his own, standing outside of the living room window. Looking in.

The family didn't notice him there. Petra and Levi spoke rather intently. Petra was cradling Armin—Erwin's son. Levi nodded, absently picked up the boy. He held Erwin's son, bounced him. He would hold Erwin's son often. More often than Erwin would.

After that, Erwin was in the car, staring dead ahead as they drove down to Mitras. He didn't remember getting inside.

He had gone from the greatest happiness of his life to the most numbing despair in one afternoon.

"What happened in there?" Floch looked concerned.

"Nothing."

And everything.

The rest of the day was a blur. Erwin sat before his fire that night, reliving every instant of those few, precious minutes. He could still feel the boy's warm, tiny body nestled in his arm. He had kissed that little head. His son had that fresh, strangely sweet baby smell. His son. Erwin was a father.

He had a legacy now. A true legacy.

He laughed quietly to himself, giddy as he recalled the boy's eyes opening. That little fist. He had never loved anyone or anything like he loved that child. He would give everything he was and had to keep that little bundle safe.

And Levi would…

Tonight Levi was sitting with Erwin's son. Bathing him. Putting him to bed. And Erwin was here, alone.

He stood, gripping his whiskey glass tighter and tighter. His son. His son. He recalled that one night with Petra, maybe the most erotic night of his life. He'd gotten her pregnant. She must have known there was a chance the baby was Erwin's, but she'd kept it. She could have killed the child, that one little chance Erwin had for true joy. But she'd spared his life.

That boy needed his mother. She was a good woman.

But what of his father?

The glass shattered. Erwin hissed, picked the shards out of his palm. As his wounds steamed closed, he leaned against the mantelpiece and gazed into the flames.

He needed to be calm. They would resolve this. There was no way they would not. Because Erwin had sacrificed everything he had for Paradis. He had sacrificed every last one of his friendships. He had sacrificed Marie. He had sacrificed his soul. And he would sacrifice them all again to preserve his people.

But not his son. No. This one thing, Erwin would not sacrifice.

---

The stitches were hurting again. Badly. Ingrid insisted that Petra had to stay in bed for all of the next day, meaning that she had to sit there awkwardly under the covers like a little girl while Levi and Erwin sat in a couple of chairs at her bedside. Erwin was holding Armin, and whenever his eyes turned to the child his face softened into an expression of complete bliss.

This whole situation admittedly made her a lot more nervous than it made Levi. But seeing Erwin so adoring gave her some relief. This boy would be deeply loved by both his parents. That meant they both wanted what was best for him.

"Petra and I talked last night," Levi said. Well, she'd done most of the talking. Levi was good at empathizing with people, though he seemed bad at it; however, putting all that emotion into words left him kind of stumped. "We agreed that this has to work for all of us. We want to hear what you want. How much do you want to be involved?"

"Thank you," Erwin said. Armin fussed, and the man rocked him. Shushed him. Erwin kissed the boy's cheek. Petra saw Levi's eyes; he looked damn sympathetic. He knew what that love was. He knew what Erwin was feeling. "I want to be completely involved. I want continuous and sustained access."

"Okay." Levi nodded. "What'd you have in mind?"

"I came up with my own plan last night." Erwin looked at the both of them. "I'd like your family to move to Mitras and make the Ackerman apartments in the palace your permanent residence. The first year Armin does need his mother more, you're right about that. But after that, I want him to spend equal amounts of time with the both of us. In addition, I want a firm hand in how he's raised. His education, his doctors, his friends, what have you: I need a completely equal say. My word should carry the exact same weight as yours, Petra. Everything to do with him, from disciplinary measures to his diet, is to be discussed with me. In return, I intend to pay for everything he needs, since I don't want Levi to have to shoulder the financial burden at all. And finally, Armin doesn't leave the palace grounds unless I approve."

Petra felt her head spin. She and Levi looked at each other. Most of that made sense, but…Mitras?

She would have to live in the palace…and she couldn't leave without Erwin's permission? At least, not with her son in tow.

Petra knew that Levi would be more amenable to the idea than she would. But she also knew that Levi was a staunchly independent person. He followed orders because they advanced his goal of a better world; he didn't follow orders that might end up curtailing his own movements.

"Erwin, this is our home," Levi said. "We can come to Mitras a lot more often when he's a little older, but we're not moving to the city."

Erwin looked at both of them carefully. Petra suspected he might have anticipated this.

"Erwin, the move isn't even the biggest problem. I really don't like the idea that I can't take Armin out of the palace without your permission," she said. "And while I appreciate you wanting to make sure Levi doesn't have to take care of Armin financially, I have my own money. My own savings. I don't want to be completely dependent on anyone for what my son needs." She tried for a smile. "But we're negotiating, aren't we? If you take the move and the restrictions off the table, the rest sounds very—"

"I can't be up here every day." Erwin leaned back in his chair. Armin gurgled. "You know that's impossible."

"We're not going anywhere," Levi said. "Even if you show up at ten o'clock at night, you're welcome."

"Do you remember when Kuchel was born?" Erwin spoke softly. "Think of how you felt when you held her in your arms for the first time." Levi paled. Erwin nodded. "Now imagine being told that you couldn't see her every day. And that when you could see her, you had only an hour or so at a time."

Levi grunted. Petra saw the words land.

"What if we compromised?" Petra said. "What if we spend all holidays at the palace? No exceptions. And a few weeks in the summer."

"No." He spoke clearly. Firmly. "I want constant access. I can't have that if we live an hour apart. I don't see why you're so hesitant to move, to be perfectly honest." He softened a bit. "I know that what happened between us probably makes both of you uncomfortable." She almost laughed hysterically. Yeah; a little uncomfortable. "But the apartments aren't in the same wing. We wouldn't actually be living together. We'd only be very close neighbors."

"Look. It's not that I think you're gonna try pouncing on Petra when my back is turned," Levi said. She wondered if he really meant that; well, he didn't tend to lie. "But that's not why I don't want to do this. I was a city kid. Sure it was the underground and not a palace, but a city's a city. Believe me, this farm life's better for kids," Levi said bluntly. He leaned his elbows on his knees. "And on top of that, I agree with Petra about the restrictions. Saying the kid can only leave the palace with your permission is too much. We don't want to move down there and not be able to be independent.

"You can no longer be independent. At least, not as you were." Erwin looked down as Armin giggled. "We're all bound together now."

Petra suppressed a shiver. That's what she hated the most. That and hurting Levi were the only ugly parts of Armin's birth. The second he was born, she and Levi weren't alone anymore. From now on, there would always be someone else in the room. Someone else contributing to their decisions as a family.

"How about this?" Levi held out his hand, like offering something. "Right now, the kid needs his mother more than anyone else. It's better for Petra's health to be up in the country while she's recovering from the C section. I think you know that's true." Erwin said nothing, but nodded slightly. "Okay. So how's this? In six months, we can revisit the idea. Maybe by then we'd be ready to discuss moving in, at least part time. We just need to get the kid stabilized first. I know it's a pain in the ass, but I mean it when I say you're welcome anytime. You can stay for a week if you want. No one's gonna keep the kid from you. Hell, this estate's got another fucking guest house, which is practically a mansion. We haven't gotten a use for that yet. It's a mile up the road; you could have it be your weekend house. Fuck, there's no reason you can't move up here permanently. Sure, sometimes you have to be in Mitras, but it can't be all the time." Petra did not say that Erwin as a permanent neighbor made her uncomfortable. The fact was, Erwin had a right to want access to his son. Better up here than in Mitras. "Besides, you're the fucking king. I know the hours you work. There'll be lots of days you don't have fifteen minutes to put together for yourself."

Erwin chewed the idea over. He shook his head. "We could discuss the weekends, but I can't be here permanently. My duties simply won't permit it. Mitras is the hub of Paradis. I can't be away all the time." Levi sighed, but nodded. He understood. With that, Erwin looked at her. "Petra? What do you say?"

"I want you to be in Armin's life." She noticed he flinched at the name. Shit. "You are his father; no one is going to take that away from you. I agree with Levi. Give us six months to get the baby a little stronger and let everything settle down. Then we can talk about spending time in the palace."

"But you won't move permanently."

"This farm is better for children. You have to know that."

She waited. Erwin said nothing. He merely looked at his son. Her heart did break when she imagined Levi if he had to be parted from Kuchel. Driven an hour away from her. But…

Maybe this was selfish. Maybe it was cowardly. But…she just didn't want to move in with Erwin. Her gut told her no. The way he'd looked at her yesterday…

Petra. He's ours.

And she could tell that once under the king's roof, he would find ways to tighten his grip on their schedules and lives. She needed some space from him. She wouldn't mind too much if he were up here, on the family's own turf. But she didn't want to feel his eyes on her every day while living surrounded by soldiers who obeyed his every command.

Levi also looked unhappy. Petra knew this was eating at him. It was in his nature to obey Erwin's commands; saying no went against his instincts. Also, Levi was a good man, and she knew he sympathized with the impossible situation that Erwin now faced.

She wanted to give Erwin access to his son. She wanted him to see Armin every day, whenever he liked. But she did not—could not live in the capital with him. Even if he let them use the Ackerman house, not the apartments, they would be too much under his eye. If Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps had asked this of her, Petra would have done it in a heartbeat. But King Erwin Smith was a different man.

She still wasn't certain how different.

"All right," Erwin said. He looked at them. "I'll agree to the six months if you agree that afterwards, you'll live in the palace at least three months out of the year."

"Erwin. We can't make that promise," Levi said. He rubbed his forehead. Petra hated herself for putting all this burden and stress on him. "Like Petra said earlier, we could agree to always spend the midwinter festival down there. Two weeks in the summer, two in the winter. But we can't guarantee three months. Not right now."

Erwin looked down at the child in his arms.

She watched all the pained love in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out. She hung her head. "I made everything so awful. This all started with me. If we hadn't…"

She felt Levi tense beside her, and stopped talking. Honestly, this whole conversation was proof of how abnormal he was. A normal man might strut around and refuse to talk to anyone about this, nursing his justified hurt. Levi suppressed his own pain for the sake of her and Erwin's happiness.

She would never make it up to him.

"If we hadn't that night, then I wouldn't have my son." Erwin shook his head. "I'm sorry Levi. Petra. I can never regret that night now."

True. If she hadn't slept with Erwin, she wouldn't have Armin. And while her husband's pain and Erwin's unhappiness was excruciating, she still adored the baby. Armin was part of the fabric of her world now, just as Kuchel was. Petra didn't want to imagine a life without him in it. He was hers.

Levi exhaled sharply. He stood.

"I promise at the end of the six months, we'll take him to Mitras for two full weeks. See how we feel about things. Maybe we'll like it. We can spend those two weeks seeing how it goes, and negotiating things from there. You have my word on that."

Erwin thought for a long, long time. She held her breath. At last, he nodded. "I know what your word's worth, Levi. It's practically an oath."

He finally, fully smiled. She could have melted in relief.

Erwin gave Armin back to Petra. Her baby cooed and grinned. She nuzzled the top of his soft little head.

"Look at that." Erwin sounded delighted. "He adores her."

"She's his favorite person. I mean…" Levi cleared his throat.

"No, no. I wouldn't have it any other way." Erwin sighed. "All right. Six months for two weeks. No matter what."

"No matter what."

"And access whenever I want."

"No matter what. There'll be room for you. You can stay here, or the guest place is yours whenever you want it, for as long as you want it."

Petra nodded. "And as far as diet, education, friends, everything, I agree. You should absolutely have an equal say."

"Well then." Erwin sat on the bed. He looked at the boy. He looked at Petra. She looked away. His gaze reminded her of… She suddenly, viscerally remembered that night, all the rough ways he'd had her. In front of the fire, her lying on the floor as he grabbed her legs, pulled her against him, and thrust—

But Armin wouldn't be here otherwise.

Still. That night had given her a baby, but it had also ended her simple life with Levi. Those carefree days were gone forever now.

Or at least for eight more years.

After all, Erwin had a term limit. She hated that she felt any relief at the idea.

"I accept the conditions," Erwin said. He rose. "You made a decent point about my schedule, Levi. I'm due for a meeting back in Mitras." He held Armin one last time and said goodbye. Whenever he looked at the baby, Petra's discomfort vanished. Maybe this would be good. This would be something to tether Erwin to reality. "Levi. Walk me out?"

"Sure."

Petra took Armin back, and Levi and Erwin left the room. She leaned back against the pillows, boneless. That had been stressful…but not too bad.

"Your Papa loves you a whole lot," she whispered to the baby. "But I guess you really are just that lovable."

Armin cooed, snuggled against her, and went to sleep.

---

Honestly, Levi could've shit his pants he was so relieved. They had a plan, and it wasn't a terrible one. He and Erwin stepped onto the porch. Erwin pulled up his collar and signaled to his car, which had parked a little farther away. It started up and drove to get him.

"Thank you for being generous," Erwin said.

"Shit. It's your kid." Levi cleared his throat. "Look, I know how you feel. Believe me. I want you to be happy. We're gonna make this work."

"You must really despise me now," the king said softly. "How much more can I possibly take from you?"

"No. I don't despise you." Strangely enough, Erwin meeting the kid had removed a lot of Levi's anger. Maybe because he saw the kind of joy Armin brought to the guy. That happiness had been lacking in Erwin's life for so long.

Maybe it'd be good for Paradis. Good for the world.

"Thank you." Erwin smiled, a sad smile. "Thank you, Levi."

"Hey. I'm glad about this in a weird way. I kind of missed your blond ass."

Armin had forced everything out in the open, and put everything into perspective. This whole situation couldn't be about Levi's pain any longer. Erwin's heart was on the line. A kid's happiness was at stake. And Levi couldn't help it; he liked kids. Even this kid.

"I've missed you. Really," Erwin said. He smiled. Fuck, he looked so different. A year had turned him craggier. He was a bit gray. Middle age had officially found him.

"Kuchel loves Armin like crazy. You're both part of the family now."

"Yes. Family." Erwin gazed at him. "Speaking of family, I have a favor to ask." He sounded apologetic. "I have to be at the northern airfield three days from now. Kiyomi is visiting. It's not a matter of state, you understand. I'm supposed to simply greet her and escort her to meet with Mikasa. It's an informal family get together. She wants to have tea with the girl."

"Yeah, yeah. Part of your agreement with Hizuru." In exchange for their help, Kiyomi got access to Mikasa at least a few times a year.

"The thing is, it's such busy work. Chauffeuring more than anything. And Kiyomi doesn't need much—"

"I'm ahead of you. You want me to go and bring her to Mitras to meet the brat."

"She won't be insulted if you're there in my place. You're Mikasa's other blood relative. Hizurans care about decorum, meaning you're the only one I can ask."

"Don't worry about it. I'll get it done."

"Thank you. I'll call tonight with the details."

The car stopped in front of the house and idled. Levi turned to go back inside.

"Levi."

Erwin sounded strained. Levi turned around. In that moment, he saw a kind of desperation in those blue eyes. A deep, deep pain.

"What? You okay?"

Levi frowned. But Erwin only smiled, and extended his hand. The pain vanished.

"Thank you for not bearing a grudge. I don't know any other man who'd be this noble."

"Well, I'm the type to keep grudges." He clasped hands with the king. Good to feel Erwin's grip again. "But I guess you're special."

"So are you." Erwin nodded. "You are the most extraordinary person I have ever met."

Tch. Levi waved him away. Erwin got into the car and drove off, while Levi went back inside and upstairs. He felt kinda light-hearted now. Giddy as a schoolgirl, as the clichés went. Looking at Armin didn't piss him off anymore. Petra smiled when he came in and got on the bed with her. Armin was dead asleep in his mother's arms. His little mouth hung open. Yeah. Yeah, the kid was cute.

Maybe in a weird way he was grateful to Petra for that…night. It had brought them Armin, and Armin had brought Erwin back. Given the king some ballast.

"Everything okay?" Petra kissed him.

"Yeah. I just gotta go north and pick up Kiyomi in a few days. Little favor for the king."

"Well, I think we owe him a few little favors." She leaned against his shoulder. "I'm so sorry that things got complicated."

"Things'll settle. Maybe it's good this happened." Levi frowned. "Guy's only got eight years left. He's tired; I see it. He hates being a devil. And if he's a devil, it's because we all asked him to be. Because I brought him back." Armin. He'd named the kid well; one innocent blond kid dies, another springs to life. And from the guy Levi picked, no less. "Maybe this'll give him something good for his last years. Maybe he'll make the world a better place if he's happy."

"That's a good point." Petra sighed.

"Remember. However tough, he's gonna only have eight years. We got the rest of our lives to live." He felt a little ashamed. "I agree with you about the city; moving there'd be a mistake. But we should help him out where we can."

"Okay." She kissed him. "I love you."

"Love you."

Armin gurgled in his sleep. Eh. Levi liked the brat. That was a good place to start.

Kuchel came in. They ate dinner together on the bed, though Levi was a freak about crumbs, as usual. Ingrid even came in, though she sat in a chair. The evening was long and lazy. Kuchel snoozed against Levi, and Petra kissed him over and over again.

Those kisses were worth it all. Armin. Erwin. Everything.

He was a damn lucky man.

---

Three days later, Petra was still stuck in bed. They'd been worried that the incision was getting inflamed. Ingrid had her on extensive bed rest. She drowsed while Armin slept in his bassinet. Kuchel napped beside her mother. Only Ingrid was fully awake, downstairs preparing Kuchel's lunch.

Maybe Brigitta could come for a visit soon. Maybe…

Levi had been gone a couple of hours by now. Petra loved this sweet, heavy silence. Her two children asleep. Warm sunlight streaming in the window.

It was a good life. Better than she deserved.

She heard a knock downstairs. Huh. Probably the farmer's kid, the one from across the field. He loved going to the barn and feeding carrots to the horses.

"Tell him he can, Mama," she called. Petra stroked Kuchel's hair as the little girl grumbled and woke up. Petra leaned over and kissed the child's cheek. "Hey baby girl. Ready for lunch?"

"Mmmhmmm. Is Armin gonna eat, too?"

Whatever Kuchel did, she wanted Armin to do as well. If she could have, she would have dragged the boy with her everywhere like a living doll. Petra laughed.

"When he wakes up."

Petra frowned. She could hear voices down below. Low, male voices. Several of them. Was it the farmer himself? His sons? But why would they be here? Then she heard heavy boots climbing the stairs.

Then she heard Ingrid scream.

What the—

The bedroom door opened. Several men in black Paradisian Guard uniforms entered. They looked neutral, utterly resolute. They didn't speak to her.

"Who the fuck are you? What are you doing here?" she barked. They didn't answer. One man pointed at her, then the bassinet.

Oh. No…

"Get away from him!" Petra tried to go for the soldier that picked up Armin's bassinet, but she almost fell to the floor. Her stomach was on fire with agony. She was so weak…

"Mama!" Kuchel sobbed. Petra tried to claw her way up the bedspread to stand. To protect her girl.

A man scooped her up in his arms. Petra tried to strike him, but screamed as she felt the stitches burn.

"What about the little girl?" one of the men asked.

"Orders were the woman and baby."

Orders? Fucking orders?

Then they were carrying Petra down the stairs. She heard Kuchel sobbing and screaming her head off. Ingrid was yelling as well, and tried to attack one of the soldiers. Shit.

"Mama, don't fight them. Stay with Kuchel! Try to find Levi! Call Hange!" she screamed as they carried her out of the house and into a running car. When Petra tried to claw at their eyes, they bound her wrists in front of her. Not too tightly, but firm enough. Petra screamed when she saw the soldiers get into another car with Armin's bassinet. "No! No, my baby!"

She screamed until her ears rang with the noise. It didn't matter. She got no response. The soldiers just drove away, leaving Ingrid yelling on the porch.

They drove south. After a while, Petra stopped screaming. She stopped fighting. She stared straight ahead, readying herself.

She knew where they were taking her. She shouldn't waste her efforts on these drones.

No. The real enemy was still ahead.

They drove to Mitras, winding through the city streets. They had to slow a bit due to traffic, and Petra wondered if she could try rolling out of the car. But if she did, then Armin would be gone. She couldn't lose him. So she sat quietly as they arrived at the palace.

"Levi Ackerman is going to kill every last one of you," she said.

The soldiers remained silent. They knew she was right.

She wanted to walk on her own just to spite them, but in truth she was in too much pain. They carried her into the palace, down a long corridor. They brought her to a bedroom.

It was the most splendid room she'd ever seen. The bed was a sumptuous canopy, its covers gold silk, and every piece of furniture was an exquisite and expensive antique. Oil paintings that showed titans frolicking through the countryside were displayed prominently on the walls. The soldiers pulled aside the bedclothes and laid her down. When one leaned over to pull up the blanket, she punched him straight in the face. Her hand ached, but she still knew what she was about; he swore and crouched, nursing his bloody nose.

But no one struck her in return. They wouldn't dare.

Then another soldier entered with Armin's bassinet. The baby was crying.

"Give him to me," Petra snarled. She had to look insane right now. She didn't care.

They laid the bassinet at the foot of the bed, placed Armin with her, and saluted as one. Then they filed out of the room and closed the door. Petra was alone here, with only a crying child for company. She glanced at the closed door, but didn't get up. She was too weak, and besides, she knew running was useless; they'd have at least two soldiers posted to stop her from leaving.

Armin's little face was bright red. His screams rattled her.

"Hush. My angel, hush. We're safe now." Not true, but she had to calm him. She shushed him, rocked him. Eventually, he whimpered and began to calm. His little eyes were bright with tears. She kissed his nose. He settled a bit, but then started giving hungry cries. Petra unbuttoned her front and gave him her breast. Armin stopped crying and suckled. He gave happy little grunts as he nursed. Petra shut her eyes. Levi… He would come. Oh fuck, she'd ruined his life. But he would come. "It's all right, sweetheart. We're okay. Shhh, my love. My little guy."

"I love how tender you are with him," Erwin said. Her eyes snapped open. Erwin Smith, who had come the fuck out of nowhere, approached the bed. His body language was stiff. He looked almost shy…but also resolute. "I love how much you love him." He stood at the foot of the bed.

"Get the fuck away from me."

But he didn't. Armin stopped suckling and began to fuss. She put her breast away, furious that Erwin could see even that much of her. Even though it had given her Armin, she now hated that this man had ever seen her naked body. That she'd been so weak…

"Where in the palace are we?" she growled.

"These were Historia's old rooms. Traditionally, they're the sovereign's chambers. The finest in the entire palace." He took one step nearer. "I wanted the best for you."

"Levi is going to kill you." He didn't respond. "Why did you do this? We were going to give you what you wanted!"

"You did not give me what I wanted. You gave me very little of what I wanted." The shyness evaporated. He looked icy and angry now. Every inch a king. A tyrant.

"How was I supposed to know that? You didn't say! You just agreed and then fucking kidnapped me!"

"I didn't say anything because I knew it would be hopeless. Because I knew that what I want would be impossible to attain with your full and free consent. I knew three days ago that what I truly wanted…no, what I needed couldn't be. You wouldn't even move down here, to Mitras. That was a test. I knew by how vehemently you were opposed that you would never agree to the second and most important part of my strategy."

Petra felt fear descend on her. Strategy.

"What do you really want, Erwin?"

She saw such sadness in his eyes. She saw bitterness in the line of his mouth. He came nearer. She pulled away, clutching her son to her chest.

"My son is going to have everything that I never had," he replied. "I don't remember my mother, you see. She died when I was two years old. I can't have that. Armin is going to have his mother with him. Always."

"I agree with that part." Her voice was weak now. "I would've agreed with you if you said that when we were up at the farm. So. What's this have to do with me getting fucking kidnapped?"

"My son also faces some challenges that I have never encountered. Right now, he's a bastard." Erwin winced at the word. "He's going to be legitimate."

The bottom dropped out on her world. No.

"You're crazy," she said. No, no. She wouldn't cry. She couldn't. She couldn't even feel.

Levi. Please, Levi…

"If only I were insane. I might not hate myself so much," he whispered. "Listen to me. What I'm proposing does not mean that you can't be with Levi. If I can adjust the laws, and I believe I can as head of the church, you can even stay married to him. That doesn't need to change. I would never separate the two of you."

"But you want to…" She couldn't say it.

"You can be Levi's wife…and mine. We can share you in private, but you'll be mine exclusively on the world's stage." Share her. This couldn't be happening. But it was. Erwin had never looked this serious before.

"I'm not going to do this," she said quietly. Plead. Make him see reason. "Erwin. If you put me in a car and take me home right now, I'll talk to Levi. He's going to be furious, but he won't kill you. You're stressed. You have a lot to deal with. I know that this isn't you. You don't do things like this."

"To safeguard my son's interests, I'll do anything." Then Erwin sat beside her. His weight was heavy on the bed; it triggered flashbacks to that night, when she'd opened her eyes and found him towering above her, utterly naked and— "I gave away everything, Petra. My life is entirely empty. But this boy, he's all I have. The only comfort that remains to me in this world. You understand, I think. At least a little. You have your family. A happy home. Friends around you. Someone you love passionately. I have none of those things now. Through my own fault, yes; I am not delusional. I know I condemned myself. But I will never sacrifice anything to do with my son. He will have the world. Everything he needs. He needs his mother, and that means I need to be married to her. To you, Petra. You're going to become my queen."