"I still can't believe you told my sister she had to rescue me."
Brigitta spoke calmly. They lay side by side in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Erwin always found it so odd, after their tussles, how companionable it became between them. Not in the way of domestic bliss, as he'd known briefly with Marie. Simply like they were two old comrades.
"I didn't quite put it like that. I intimated that if she returned with me to Paradis, I'd let you go."
Brigitta laughed. She had such a bright, clear laugh, like glass. It wasn't like her sister's. Petra's was warm and earthy.
"She has no idea what's really going on. Does she?" Brigitta turned her head to him. There was no lust in her eyes. She seemed only sedate.
"It would have been complicated to explain," Erwin said. "I was doing whatever I could to make her return with me."
"Very sneaky."
He flinched as Brigitta gave a pained noise when she shifted under the blankets. He might have gone harder with the strap than he usually did. But every time he saw Siegfried, he thought of how his wretched mother had…
He always thought of that night.
Ten months earlier
Let him be there. Please. Let him be there.
Erwin ran down the hall with his robe flapping open, his heart beating a war tattoo. If Petra had absconded with his son, he would find her. Put her in a real prison. Kill whoever had helped her escape.
But when Erwin entered the bedroom and found the bassinet still there, the baby inside, he felt true relief. A boneless, dreamy relief.
Until the baby started crying.
Siegfried sobbed. He wailed louder than Erwin had yet heard, perhaps louder than he'd ever heard a baby cry before. He ushered the nurse aside and lifted his son from the bassinet. The tiny child was red faced, tears shimmering on his cheeks. His little fists were clenched in agony. He gave another hard, full throated sob.
"Shhh. Siegfried, it's all right." Erwin rocked him. But the boy would not calm.
And Erwin could feel it. Hear it in the timbre of those wails. This was not a cry of hunger, or fear. It was of grief.
The baby had been abandoned, and he knew it. Siegfried screamed and sobbed for his mother. Despite his best efforts, Erwin couldn't calm the child. When the nurse arrived with warm milk, he wouldn't eat. He only whimpered, rattling out a howl of absolute grief.
Erwin would kill that fucking bitch. He was almost in tears at the sounds of his son's misery.
He now almost wished she'd taken the boy with her. Then at least Siegfried would not be in so much pain.
He would find her. He'd find her, and bring her back. He'd chain her to the bed if he had to. Erwin had been apologetic time and again. He had pled for that woman's forgiveness at every turn. And now she did this.
All so she could be with Levi.
They can just walk away from me. It's easy for them. They put me in hell, and they walked away.
He'd have them both. Somehow.
In that moment, hearing his child's sobs, Erwin felt something leave him. It was as if the last guest at a party had slipped out the door; that moment of absolute silence, when you know you're alone in your own house again.
Whatever feelings he had had, whatever doubts, whatever scruples, they had vanished.
He was a king and a father. Not a man. Never a man again.
And Erwin became quite calm.
"How did this happen?" he croaked.
And that was how he learned about Nile's visit to Petra's rooms mere days before.
How he knew, absolutely knew, that his oldest friend had betrayed him one final time.
"Guess you…didn't…catch them?" Nile sounded grimly triumphant as Erwin had his soldiers march the former commander through the snow. Dawn was just on the horizon. Nile sometimes collapsed to his knees; they dragged him. Crimson droplets of blood rained down to either side of the man. Erwin casually followed.
"It appears you tricked me. Well done."
"At least…I did it once." Nile coughed. They must have broken a rib when they beat him.
"Why, Nile? You gained nothing. Lost everything. All for some inconsequential former soldier."
Nile finally got to his feet again. He managed to walk.
"Because she was…good." He looked scathingly at Erwin. His right eye was almost bruised shut. "I won't…let you…do it again."
"To another family, you mean?" Erwin narrowed his eyes. "Marie came to my room that night in Mitras. She followed me to Trost; I didn't ask her to come."
"You…didn't send her away."
"Because I loved her. And she loved me."
He hadn't meant for those words to land like another blow on Nile, but they visibly did. Erwin waited to feel discomfited by that. He did not. The humanity truly had leached out of him.
"Put me…in prison. Kill me. Doesn't…matter." Nile gave a wet laugh. "Got nothing…left."
"Your children."
"I wasn't…much of a father. When Marie…"
Yes. Senta had apparently assumed much responsibility.
"Well. I've some good news for you. I'm not going to kill you, Nile."
Erwin signaled for the soldiers to halt. They did. Erwin stepped forward, peered over the edge of a rather steep drop.
They'd found three of these massive pits a while back. The old kings of Paradis had never been certain what they were for. Erwin understood their function now. The pit was approximately fifty feet deep, with banks of cascading sand twenty feet below. You didn't want someone to die as they fell.
"What…is this?" Nile sounded nervous.
"The Curse of Ymir isn't magic. Hange's said as much before. It's something in the blood. A chemical breakdown. Hange wants to try comparing shifter blood with normal Eldian blood. She's been working on it. She's made progress. But there's a third Eldian life form that hasn't been utilized in her research." Erwin looked at Nile. "A pure titan."
"The titans…are gone."
"No. We are the titans. With a little help." Erwin signaled for a female soldier to come forward. She presented a case. He undid the clasps, lifted the lid. There was a bottle of purple liquid. A syringe.
"Wh-what are you…?"
"Hange will need test subjects. And I need only loyal men in my service."
"Erwin!" Nile began to struggle now. The men held him fast as Erwin filled the syringe. "No! No!"
He filled it, and turned to look at Nile.
His first friend in the Training Corps.
His drinking buddy.
The third point of the Tavern Triangle, as they called themselves: Erwin, Nile, Marie.
Marie's husband.
A father.
A man.
If I do this, there will be no turning back. Nile will never be human again…and neither will I.
And Erwin wavered on the edge of that steep, steep fall.
"Please!" Nile openly sobbed now. He slumped to his knees. Begged. "Please don't, Erwin. For what we used to be. Don't!"
Nile was a father.
And so was Erwin.
If Hange did not break the curse, Erwin would die when the boy was eight. Leaving him alone in a hostile world. Surrounded by enemies.
He might have considered being content so long as the boy lived with his loving mother. But that loving mother was a malicious cunt.
No. Erwin must save his son. To do that, he must damn himself.
"I've known for a while what I had to do, but I couldn't find the strength to do it." He nodded at the soldiers. They dragged Nile so that he knelt at the lip of the pit. "Thank you for facilitating this."
"No!" Nile wailed and sobbed and fought. Fought in vain. Erwin approached, brandishing the needle. "No Erwin, no! Please! Please no!"
And even then, he wavered.
His hand shook.
"Nile…" he whispered.
He thought of waking up in Shiganshina and of every moment after that. Of every step that had led him to the throne. To world peace. To winning love. To losing love. To despair.
And the only thing he saw that made any of it worthwhile was Siegfried's face.
"I'm sorry."
He meant it as he inserted the needle into the back of Nile's neck and pushed the plunger. Nile shrieked as a soldier kicked him in the back, sending him into free fall. Nile hit the sand with an oof, rolled down the hill. Erwin waited. He frowned.
Perhaps it hadn't worked?
And then…
The soldiers cried out in awe and fear as lightning crackled all around them. Erwin saw the titan's bones and flesh appear as if out of nowhere. Ymir at work. Nile, in a flash, was gone.
A twenty-foot titan remained. Good. Erwin hadn't wanted it too big. This would be easier for Hange to work with. The Nile titan gnashed its teeth. It looked like an idiot nutcracker version of the man with a large head and a ridiculous, toothy grin.
Nile was now a titan.
And Erwin was something much worse.
Inside of him, there was one long, silent scream. And then…nothing.
"I should probably get dressed." Brigitta sat up. She never spent the night in his chamber. She always returned to her own, down the hall from Siegfried's. Erwin lay there, frowning. He had known Brigitta many more times than he had her sister, but he could never quite recall the exact instances of their lovemaking, even moments after it had ended. Whereas with Petra…
That monster.
But he remembered every detail.
"Do you need anything?" He sat up as she got out of bed and fished around for her clothes. She even hummed a bit as she slipped into her undergarments. She seemed moderately happy now. A stark improvement from when she'd first arrived. "I didn't mean to be as hard as I was."
"We agreed to stop if I ever asked. I didn't." She stepped into her skirt.
Did it ever frighten her? Getting fucked while he pretended she was her sister? Getting 'beaten' in Petra's place?
Except that she seemed beyond fear. There was a deadness at the center of those sweet blue eyes. Even now, with Siegfried, that vacancy persisted.
But she was better than before. At least that much was true.
Eight months earlier
Erwin received Edvard and Brigitta in Siegfried's room. It was a vast space, already appointed with everything the boy could possibly want. A cradle, toys, a dresser, a changing table. Siegfried had a wet nurse who provided for his every craving. But he did not have the one thing he most needed.
Erwin wanted a substitute. The second best thing.
"Mr. and Mrs. Blomquist?" He nodded as they entered the chamber.
The man was tall and a bit gawkish looking. Erwin remembered him from Kuchel's first birthday. The woman…well. He froze for a moment, recognizing her sister in that elfin face. A flash of disgust went through him, and subsided.
"Majesty." Brigitta nodded, but her eyes went straight to the baby in Erwin's arms. Siegfried fussed a little; he always got cranky in the afternoons. "Oh. Armin…"
"Siegfried," Erwin said politely. He stepped nearer. "You've seen him before, surely."
"I… We never got up to see them while Levi and Petra were still…on Paradis." He could see that she itched to hold the child. "He's so sweet."
"He's a good boy. The best boy." Erwin smiled at the baby, who was blowing a spit bubble. "Here. Take him."
He placed the boy into his aunt's arms. Brigitta shushed him, rocked him. Erwin watched as for Brigitta this room, Erwin, her husband vanish. There was only the baby now. The woman lit up as she gazed upon the child.
"He seems very happy with you." Erwin smiled.
"Majesty. What can we do for you?" Edvard looked concerned. "If this is about Levi and Petra, we don't know where they went."
"You're not under arrest or suspicion. Mrs. Ral told me everything she knew. She's been set free, so there's nothing to fear." Erwin would never deprive Siegfried of his grandmother.
Otherwise, he would have titanized the woman for Hange's experiments. That bitch had helped Petra escape.
"Then what can we do?" Edvard visibly relaxed.
"Siegfried's mother is gone. That's obvious. And she clearly doesn't plan to return." He noticed Brigitta flinch at that. "My son is well cared for, but he's withering without his mother. If I can't give her back to him, I want a good substitute."
"Pardon?" Edvard frowned. But Brigitta understood.
"You want me to be his nanny?"
"More than that. I want you to be his mother." Erwin saw those words land upon Brigitta. He saw the fever it sparked in her eyes. "I don't mean to lie to him about your blood relationship, but in every way I want you to take Petra's place. Devote yourself to him. Nurture him. Play with him. Love him."
Brigitta looked onto the baby with an almost hungry expression.
"We'd be honored to help out, Majesty." Edvard smiled. Cheerful man. "Maybe we could come up here on weekends and—"
"You misunderstand. I want you both to move into the palace. You'll be given excellent lodgings. But Siegfried must have a mother's love. For that, Brigitta must remain here."
And in truth, Siegfried looked settled in her arms. He beamed gummily up at her.
"Ah. Well." Edvard flushed.
"I'm not going to kidnap Brigitta. It's your decision."
Edvard rubbed his forehead. "Sir, we live down in Trost. My business is there. I can't give up my job and move to the capital."
"Then go back."
Brigitta said that without taking her eyes from Siegfried.
"Wha… Gitta?" The man looked liable to faint. Even Erwin was surprised by her sureness.
"I'd be happy for you to stay here with me, Edvard." She looked at her husband; finally paid attention to him again. "But I'm not leaving."
"I…I can't." He moved like a puppet whose strings are roughly pulled, jerking this way and that. "Sweetheart, we have to go home."
"I'm staying here." She looked back at the baby, and smiled in bliss. "With him."
"Well. I'm not." Edvard finally looked serious. He frowned. "And you're my wife."
"You don't own me."
"No but… Gitta!" His stoicism instantly fractured. Now he seemed panicked. "We're married. That means… We love each other."
Erwin watched quietly as the woman looked back at her husband.
"I do love you." She took his hand, cradling Siegfried in her other arm. "But I don't love you enough for a lifetime without this."
She looked back at the baby. It was like watching an addict take a hit of some narcotic.
"Wha…" Two red spots appeared on Edvard's pale cheeks. "We can adopt!"
"I don't want to adopt. I wanted my own children. But I don't get what I want," she muttered. "But Ar—Siegfried is family. That's close enough." She kissed his forehead. "If Petra isn't going to be back, I have a responsibility."
"You don't!"
"I do. And it matters more. I'm sorry." She looked at him. There was apology in her voice as well as her words. "I really would like you to stay. Or you can come visit on weekends, like you said."
"I'm not going to visit my own wife!" Edvard shouted. Siegfried began to cry, and Brigitta bounced and hushed him. Erwin stepped in between the married couple.
"You absolutely have an invitation to stay whenever you'd like."
"You can't do this." Edvard appeared stunned. He staggered backwards. Erwin looked down as the man's eyes filled with tears. "Gitta?"
Brigitta fought tears of her own. But she stood firm. "I'm sorry. I'm staying."
"If you stay, I won't come back." He pointed at her. "And you can't come home. We're finished."
Erwin wished that this would speed to its inevitable conclusion. He felt distinctly uncomfortable.
"All right." She sniffed. A tear went down her cheek. "I'll miss you. Really."
Edvard stood there, trying to look imposing. But he deflated in the face of his wife's rejection.
"Gitta, please…" He was about to start openly weeping.
"The guards will see you out," Erwin said. He pulled a cord, and soldiers entered the room. Edvard was not a fighter; he knew he was done here. He looked at his wife one last time, now truly crying. Shit. Erwin turned away.
"This is why she ran away from you," Edvard said. His voice was louder than Erwin had yet heard. "This is why they both hate you."
Both. Petra. Levi.
Hated him.
Erwin almost turned around and killed the man where he stood.
"Show Mr. Blomquist out," Erwin said icily. He listened to Edvard's sobs and struggles as they echoed down the hall. Then he gently placed a hand upon Brigitta's shoulder. She was still bouncing Siegfried, but crying. "Give him time. I'm sure he'll come around."
"He won't." She shook her head. "And I'm sad. Because I don't care that he won't."
Ah.
"Why don't I leave you two alone? I'm needed in a meeting."
"Yes."
"I'll see you tonight. We can discuss specifics over dinner." He left her there, looked back once. The young woman stood rocking his son. A nice family dinner. She and the child were family, after all.
For the first time since Petra's flight, Erwin felt a sense of miraculous peace.
And he felt it again that evening, as he and Brigitta ate and he listened to her talk excitedly about Siegfried. She seemed to have utterly changed from the woman with tears in her eyes from that afternoon, the one who had effectively lost her husband. She took the deepest joy from his son.
Erwin warmed to her greatly.
And more than that, he saw Siegfried regain some of his former happiness. The child never looked as utterly blissful in Brigitta's arms as he had in Petra's, but it was by far better than the wet nurses and nannies Erwin had tried. Erwin would sometimes finish early with a council meeting and look in on Brigitta reading Siegfried stories, or laying him down for a nap, or singing him a song.
She didn't seem to ever tire of just sitting with the baby, watching him sleep, even changing his diaper. Erwin had people who could do that, but Brigitta insisted. She wanted to be the child's sole attachment, apart from his father.
And it went on like that for a few months.
Not that long after he returned from Valle, after Eren's escape, Kuchel's awakening, and Petra's ugly refusal to come with him to see her son once more, Erwin and Brigitta were sitting before the fire in his room after Siegfried was in bed. Historia was the child's mother on paper and in public, though Erwin refused to let her see the boy. He kept her confined upstairs, a comfortable prisoner.
He'd hoped to put his plan into effect and breed more royal children, as he'd told her he would over a year ago. But she'd made that impossible…
"You look unhappy," Brigitta said quietly.
"Hmm? Oh. I suppose I can't help thinking. It's a terrible habit." He smiled joylessly. "Why is everyone so entirely disappointing?"
"Siegfried isn't."
"No. Of course not. And neither are you." He shut his eyes. It was soothing, to listen to the crackle of the fire and not feel any animosity coming from the woman seated before him. "You're both rare exceptions."
"Are you going to try taking Petra back again?" He could not read her tone. Was she wary? Hopeful?
"With Historia returned, I've made Siegfried legitimate. My immediate need for Petra has gone away."
"But you still want her back?"
"For Siegfried's sake."
Silence. "I think he's starting to forget her. I don't think he even remembers her. He was a month old when she left."
Erwin wouldn't argue. Brigitta had not seen the child with his mother. Siegfried had adored Petra. He had been shattered when she left. Anyone would agree with Brigitta, that one month was too young to know. But Siegfried did know. Erwin was certain.
He hated that bitch…
"You've done wonders with him," Erwin said, smoothly avoiding further discussion. "Thank you." He opened his eyes and looked at her. In the firelight, she looked so like… "What can I give you, Brigitta? I want to thank you for everything you've sacrificed."
"It really wasn't a sacrifice." She looked into the hearth, a small wrinkle appearing in her brow. "I did a terrible thing when I married Edvard. He's such a good man. He deserved to marry a woman who loved him."
"I never thought you didn't."
"I did. I do. But I married him to get children. I was ready. More than ready. And he was willing, and had enough money to support our family. And he was sweet. I'm not like Petra." She sighed and studied her hands. "I don't really need passion. A man never meant too much. I just wanted a baby of my own."
And she had lost the only thing she ever truly wanted. The world could be so fantastically cruel.
"I'm sorry for you both," Erwin said.
"Hmmm." Brigitta looked at him. There was a shrewdness in her gaze he hadn't seen before. "Do you love my sister?"
"Not now." He still wanted to throttle her. He imagined striking her and for one violent moment delight flooded his veins. He looked down in shame.
"But you did."
"I needed her."
"But she didn't need you." Bluntly put. Erwin frowned.
"Apparently not."
Brigitta bit her lower lip. "She and Levi have always been so…involved with each other. I sometimes envy it."
"Yes. She gave up her own son for his sake." Erwin remembered Levi's glowering eyes, his small, furious face when they discovered he was Uri's son. He said he didn't want a kingdom, but he would. No man could resist a claim like that forever.
"Do you think it's just sex?"
"I think it's more about sex than either of them wants to admit." He felt pissy. His blood was up as he thought of them fucking joyously while Siegfried wailed, abandoned. God, he hated them.
"Maybe I don't understand it because…" Brigitta trailed off.
"Because?"
"I've only ever been with Edvard, and he never made me come. Not once."
He looked at her. She looked at him. He saw the invitation. No, the curiosity. She asked him obliquely. He said yes.
Erwin had not taken a mistress since Petra left. He picked Brigitta up and took her to the bed, more out of a desire to relieve an itch than desire in its own right. He put his hand between her legs, and listened to the shocked scream as she climaxed. Poor girl. It was so different to achieve orgasm with another person than on your own. He touched her again; she came again. By this point, he was fairly hard. They undressed, and he rode her until she erupted a third time. Erwin was present enough to enjoy himself, divorced from the experience enough to notice how much like her sister she sounded when she came.
That thought made him hard again.
It also infuriated him. He imagined throttling Brigitta in place of Petra. Of course he resisted.
Finished, they lay side by side. He did not feel energized, exploding with desire as he had with her sister. He felt sated. It had been enough. A nice sensation.
"Did that help you understand?" he asked.
"A little. But I still don't completely get it." She shrugged. "Since Oswald, I…" She swallowed tears. Yes, the baby she'd lost. Poor girl. Poor boy. "Fucking just feels like an empty exercise. I know there's no way I can get pregnant again. If I'm going to do it, I might as well enjoy it."
"You enjoyed it just now?"
"Yes. I'd do it again." Another oblique suggestion.
Erwin pondered it. "You can move into the royal apartment if you like. There's a room across from Siegfried's."
He didn't suggest she move in with him, into this bedroom. Neither wanted that level of closeness.
"All right."
Neither said that she would be his mistress, but they both understood it. That would give them enough of a family bond to keep them both happy. They'd also be free enough that neither felt pressured. Erwin was too old to want to go out whoring, or to bring women into the palace to sample. A woman to love his son and fuck him was more than enough. He didn't require anything else.
And for a few weeks after that, it was almost mechanical. She would spend the day with Siegfried; Erwin would work; they would dine together in the evening, put the child to bed. They would fuck. She would go to her room, and he would read or something.
And then one night he felt a perverse desire to see her in uniform.
Hard to remember now how he'd found it. The archival room where they kept records and some memorabilia from the days of the Survey Corps. A miniature museum, with him its sole patron. A way to remember the days of his youth. His friendships.
He had found the jacket and the breeches, and thought how it was small enough that it might have once fit Petra. Or Levi.
Something stirred within him. That night, he offered it to Brigitta. Try it, he said.
She did. In that moment, she did look so like her sister apart from the hair that Erwin had been overcome with desire. With anger.
That was the night he'd wanted to beat her.
He'd had enough control, thankfully, to make certain he had her permission. But as he tore the clothes from her and struck her, entered her, he half-feared she would want to stop doing this altogether. But she went along with it. She didn't mind any of it. Not even when he snarled Petra's name as he finished.
When the dust settled, as it were, Erwin had looked down at the prostrate young woman, damp from her exertions. He'd seen what he'd done, and felt so ashamed that he apologized and left his own room. The entire next day, he'd made sure not to look for her.
So it was a great surprise to him that night when she found him in his room. Brigitta was once again wearing the uniform—a maid had stitched it up where he'd torn it. She straddled his lap as he sat in a chair.
The sudden heat between them was not only on his end.
"Do you mind that I said her name?" he asked.
"No."
"Did you like what I did?"
"Yes." She wet her lips. "You can do it again, if you want."
He did want.
She let him undress her. He became rougher as he went along.
"Do something for me," he whispered, his face between her breasts.
"Yes. What?" she gasped.
"Dye your hair."
And so he'd continued to mold her into the perfect copy, an almost exact replica of the sister who'd escaped him. Brigitta went along with all of it, seemingly satisfied. She wanted to be a mother, and she wanted physical pleasure. Those two things were all that were left to her now. She was a shell of herself, whatever had been there before. When they were finished fucking, they'd lie in bed like polite strangers. Erwin would look at her, and see what becomes of a person whose dreams are totally crushed.
He sympathized. He knew her pain.
And that was their life. She would wake, love Siegfried, fuck Erwin, and sleep. He worried less and less about his son's well being. Though Siegfried never returned to the state of bliss Erwin had seen when he'd lain in Petra's arms as such a tiny baby.
Still. The child would never remember his mother, or that happiness.
So he crafted Brigitta. He made her what he wanted. She let him. She liked it, what little she liked anything now. She even allowed him to dress her in the ODM harness, to hang her from the ceiling. To do with her what he wanted in that state.
They were physically so intimate, and both utterly divorced from their own thoughts and feelings.
It was as close to good as Erwin could get any longer.
And after what had happened with Nile, with Hange's experiments…with Marie.
Good was almost a miracle.
"I think Siegfried's almost ready to stand on his own," Brigitta said. She beamed with pride as she stepped into her dress. Erwin got out of bed, still naked, and helped zip up the back. It was a small, cozy moment in an otherwise warped relationship.
"I hope I'm not working when he does." Erwin smiled at the thought of that perfect child. Siegfried was all that could make him truly, deeply smile.
"If it's possible, you should spend at least half an hour before dinner with us in the nursery. He loves when you visit."
"Does he?" He smiled down at the delicate woman. She was so enthusiastic. So involved in every detail. Siegfried, the mention of him, was all that gave those blank eyes a spark of life. "And what do you love? What can I give you to thank you for everything you've done."
She blushed in the firelight. "I only did what anyone would."
"Not anyone. Not his own mother." Petra. He imagined her in Levi's arms tonight, both looking on each other with the most simpering, entire sort of love. It made him want to punch a wall. She had given away her own son for just that. Love. Sex. She probably would drown Kuchel if her husband wanted it. A tarantula would make a better mother.
Brigitta would be a flawless one. That poor girl. To be denied such a—
Wait.
"I have a gift for you," he whispered. "One you'll love. Or at least, I hope to have it soon."
"Hmm?" She tilted her head.
"Petra never told you about the Founding Titan, did she?"
"I know it controls all Eldians." Brigitta frowned.
"But did she tell you what Eren Jaeger told her in her home in Trost? The night that you…"
Brigitta made a wounded noise. The night her son died, and she lost her womb.
"We didn't get too specific," she croaked.
"Eren told her, and she told me. When the Founder connects with a titan of royal blood, they have control over every aspect of Eldian biology. They can turn us all into titans in the blink of an eye. They can give us all three noses, or eight feet. Or…" He gripped her slender shoulders. "Specifically, Eren said he could restore your womb. Fix the problem that had made childbearing difficult. Even restore your son."
Brigitta stared blankly at him. He wondered if she'd even heard or understood.
"She… Why didn't Petra ever tell me?"
"Likely because the Founder had vanished, along with Historia. She didn't want to cause you excess grief." He'd give her that much. "But I have Historia now. Soon, we'll have Eren, and I'll eat him. And when I do, I'll turn Historia into a mindless titan." The girl queen had made Erwin's plan for her own children impossible. Unless he got his hands on Levi's new baby—and he wouldn't hurt the child, for Kuchel's sake—Historia was the only royal of active blood left. And he'd use her. "I'll access the Founder, and give you back what nature took from you."
Brigitta opened her mouth. Closed her mouth.
"I…"
Then she began to shiver. Violently tremble. She fell to her knees, and he caught her. The woman clung to him, sobbing. But it wasn't tears of grief.
She was wild with joy.
"Can you really? R-Really?"
"Yes. Eren didn't lie to Petra. I know he didn't. You ought to be happy. A woman like you should be happy," he whispered.
Then her arms were around his neck, and her lips were on his.
Erwin realized then that he had never kissed her before. He had explored every other part of her body, but never this.
"Thank you." She wept, she kissed him, she molded herself against him. "Thank you, thank you."
So wonderful, to make a woman happy. He returned her embrace. He imagined then that it was Petra back in his arms, sighing in delight.
He took her back to bed, and undressed her again. This time, he didn't strike her as they made love. He kissed her instead.
When they were done, he hovered over her, trying to catch his breath. He shut his eyes as she petted his cheek, his beard.
"I could have children with you. If you wanted," she whispered. He looked down at her. For the first time, he saw fire in Brigitta's eyes when she was not with Siegfried. Life in her smile. Yes. More children. Siblings for Siegfried. His awful mother was going to keep his half siblings from him, and that darling, perfect boy deserved to have every good thing in this world.
"Yes," he whispered. He cupped her cheek in his hand. "And when you do, I'll make you my queen."
Historia would be as good as dead by then, a mindless titan in a pit. Erwin did not plan to turn her into a shifter. She didn't deserve it after leaving him in the lurch for over a year. After what she'd done to herself to interrupt his Founder plan.
And when he had the Founder entirely to himself and a limitless life span, Willy would see just how far his wheedling threats would get him.
Brigitta smiled again. Joyously. She kissed him once more. Yes.
This time, he'd get it right. He'd tried to make Petra love him, but her selfish heart had room in it for only one man. Levi had abandoned him, used Erwin for the sake of an unborn child and abandoned him once it became convenient to do so. He had broken Erwin in ways and places he hadn't even known existed.
Marie…
Erwin tried not to think about Marie. It was too…
He tried not to think about it.
Now he'd found a woman who wanted nothing from him but children and a little bit of pleasure, the same he wanted from her. Not love. Reciprocity.
Perfect.
Erwin went down to the pits, crunching through the snow and feeling very calm and centered. The roaring and gnashing of the titans grew louder the nearer he came. He never felt completely easy when he came this way. That was, to his mind, the right way to feel. He would do anything for his son's sake, but the way those convicts had screamed and pleaded as they were lined up, ready to be injected… One had pissed himself.
Erwin fought against the twinge of despair that came from recalling it.
This will be worth it.
Guards stood around the pits around the clock, always ready to swoop in and slice a nape if it were ever truly necessary.
Hange's laboratory was in a bunker not five hundred yards from the pits. Erwin knocked and entered without her calling for him to come in.
"Nothing new today," she said, staring into a microscope with rather frightening intensity. Hange liked to have any excuse possible not to look at Erwin these days.
There was a cot in the corner for when she had late nights, and rows of chemicals and vials. Spinal fluid was arranged upon a tray in neat rows. Recently, they'd discovered a way to extract the spinal fluid from a pure titan. Three soldiers nearly died in the process, but they'd succeeded. Hange was now running experiments, comparing the fluids of normal Eldians, shifters, and titans. Hopefully, they were close to a breakthrough.
For Pieck's sake, Hange had better hope they were. The girl had been coughing up a lot of blood recently. She had exactly six weeks until the end of her 'term.'
Erwin saw the girl wasting away, and knew that would not happen to him. He would not allow it.
"Is there a difference in any significant way in the fluid from a larger titan versus a smaller?" He crossed his arms.
"I told you. Nothing new." Hange sounded barely polite.
"How is Pieck?" he asked quietly.
He saw the woman's shoulders tense at the name of her beloved.
"She's okay," Hange muttered, adjusting her microscope. Okay. Last week, she'd been fine. Time was indeed running down.
"Remember. If you can't get me results soon, I'll be keeping my promise to Connie."
His mother would eat Pieck and regain her humanity. Hange's hands trembled. Erwin knew that once he would have felt this separation between the two of them, Hange and him, like a knife. Once they had loved each other as comrades and best friends. But he had given all of that away. No; Hange had turned away first.
"Okay." She sounded strangled. "I'll have a report for you tonight."
"Excellent. Work well."
He left her and headed back towards the palace alone. But Erwin found his feet taking him away from the southern entrance, back towards the eastern wing.
He had a quick visit to make.
Seven months earlier
"Majesty, she's very insistent."
Erwin looked up at the valet's face. Grimes looked dignified as ever, but also concerned. He operated also as Erwin's private secretary.
"She knows she's not supposed to call. Ever."
"She's started yelling. I believe that she's…aware."
Erwin put down his pen and frowned. "Who the fuck told her?"
"I don't know, sire. Please. I know she'll call back."
He could have told Grimes to hang up if she ever called back, or he could have set plans in motion to evict her from her extremely comfortable home. But Erwin was not yet that callous.
She had to know sooner or later.
"Patch her through," he said. Grimes left. A moment later, the phone in his study rang. Erwin picked up. "Hello, Marie."
"Where is he?" She practically snarled the words.
"Nile? What does it matter to you?"
"He's my husband, you bastard!"
"In name only. I had no idea you were so fond of him. You've done little enough to show it," he said. Marie practically hissed. Secretly, Erwin was starting to sweat. Three months on, and he'd hoped to keep this whole thing quiet as long as possible. Especially from Marie.
"I want you to tell me something. I want to know that even you wouldn't sink to this level."
"What do you want to know?" His heart pounded. He knew the words she'd speak.
"I've heard that…you transformed him." Her voice broke.
"Into what?" Erwin's head spun a bit. He'd tried to mentally prepare for this moment, but easier said than done.
"A titan, you playacting fuck!"
"Speak to me that way, and see how magnanimous I become," he whispered. "See how well you're treated then."
"Tell me." No anger now. She sounded desperate. His stomach clenched.
"Who told you this story?" He wanted to stall for time.
"Senta. One of the footmen in the palace is fond of her. She's been trying to get information for months." Yes. Erwin had turned her away every time. He got the feeling Marie would die sooner than give up the identity of this romantic footman. She knew that Erwin would hurt him. She was loyal like that. "He called her and told her what you did to Nile. She's in hysterics. We both are." Her voice trembled. "Erwin. Tell me you're not this far gone."
He could have told her he'd had Nile executed; she'd hate him, but not as much. He could say Nile was in prison, or had been banished. He could have made it easier.
But when he thought of Nile, he was in pain. It was a wound to his soul.
And…he wanted someone else to hurt with him.
"Yes," he whispered. Silence on the other end of the phone. "He helped my son's mother leave the palace. He committed treason. He's now paying the ultimate price in a pit out in the palace forest. He's still alive, Marie, but your husband is gone for good."
More silence. Erwin glanced out the window onto the still, moonlit south lawn.
"I want to see you." She spoke calmly. She sounded shocked.
"I'm busy."
"You owe me one visit, Erwin. I want to see you." Her voice trembled lightly. "I want you to tell me and my daughters to our face just what became of Nile. I want you to explain why you did it. And I want you to look the children in the eye as you do."
"I'm under no obligation."
"Whatever shred of humanity you have left, I'm appealing to it now. Come and meet us. Come see me one last time. After you come, I plan to leave Candlemoor. I'm taking the girls with me. You won't see us again."
They'd go to Marley, most likely. Erwin sighed. Very well. For what he'd done to the Dok family, and for what he'd felt for Marie and Nile, he would do this one last decent thing.
"Tomorrow night," he said.
"Very well. Seven o'clock." She hung up without saying goodbye.
Erwin put down the phone, already tired.
The next evening, his car pulled through the gates of Candlemoor. It was a beautiful summer evening in the mountains. The sun had only just fully set as he walked up the path to the front door. Crickets sang as the servants let him in, bowing him into a receiving chamber.
"Mrs. Dok is bathing," he was told. Erwin frowned.
"She said seven."
"Apologies, Majesty. She and Miss Senta had difficulty getting the younger girls to eat their dinner." Delicately, the butler said, "They've been very upset."
Of course they would be. Erwin did feel a twinge of shame when he thought of Nile's daughters. They were blameless in this messy affair.
"Fine."
So Erwin waited. He waited ten minutes. Fifteen minutes.
When it was seven twenty, his patience was at an end. He rang a bell. The butler reappeared.
"Is Miss Senta here?"
"She should be with the girls in the nursery."
"Have her come see me."
Erwin stood and paced, hands behind his back. Oil paintings of former Fritzes looked down on him from the walls. They seemed to judge him. The interloping king. A man with no royal blood. He looked away. Where the devil were—
Then he heard the screams.
Erwin opened the door and saw a maid come racing down the stairs, almost tripping over herself. She screamed and sobbed in terror. In grief.
Erwin's heart beat faster.
"What happened?" he snapped, approaching her. The girl kept screaming. He wanted to shake her.
"Th-the girls…" She sobbed anew.
Erwin took the stairs two at a time as the rest of the house began to go into an uproar. He made his way to the nursery.
He found the three bodies sitting at the table.
The three girls looked like dolls. Sleeping princesses in an enchanted fable. You might have thought they'd wake up at any moment. Erwin stood over them, dumbstruck. They were pale. He saw then that they all had cups of tea in front of them. The liquid wasn't even that cool yet.
This had just happened. How?
Erwin's gaze fell to the sugar bowl.
Arsenic? Cyanide? Whatever Senta had put in there, it had been fast acting.
Little Eva had her eyes peacefully closed. It must have been over in seconds.
The girls…
Marie…
"Marie?"
He ran then. He ran past the servants as they crowded into the children's room. He ran to Marie's chamber, bashed open the door.
He could feel it. The lack of warmth in the bathroom. The air there had been cold for some time.
Erwin opened the door anyway.
She was reclining in the bathtub. The water had turned a cloudy red. Her head hung back limply, like a doll's. Her eyes stared glassily at him.
"Marie?"
He put his back to the wall and slid down. He sat on the floor.
"Marie," he whispered, as if hoping to wake her. Erwin looked around, dizzy, as if trying to find a way to help. He saw the mirror over the sink. She'd written a final message in lipstick.
Burn in hell
Erwin took a deep breath. He let it out.
He looked over at the bar and saw her. The most beautiful damn girl he'd ever seen. She sat there drinking a little pink concoction, a rolled canvas at her side. Erwin lost his heart in two seconds.
"Let's get her over here," Nile whispered, equally enthralled.
"Marie." Erwin cleared his throat. He spoke as if sternly reprimanding her for sleeping. "Marie."
"I'm Marie Bonner." She tossed her golden hair and beamed at the two young men. "And who are you charming fascists?"
It so disarmed him that Erwin laughed.
"Marie."
Erwin's eyes filled with tears.
The first time he kissed her, it was paradise. He was a man with no pain. He was free. He held her in his arms, and tasted heaven.
Burn in hell
Erwin gave soft cries. Ahh. Ahhh. And he wept.
It was the last time he ever cried. He sat there and stared at the woman he had loved, and he grieved for all of them. For her, for Nile, and for himself.
Erwin wept and wept and wept.
Erwin stood in the snow, hands in his coat pockets. He looked down at the gravestone.
Marie Bonner Dok. Beloved wife and mother.
He had buried the children at her side. There would be no gravestone for Nile. Whenever he finally passed, there would be nothing left to bury.
But Erwin would put a memorial stone there anyway.
It wasn't much. But it was the best he could do now.
His best was not enough. Not even a little.
But he'd do it.
"Once upon a time, there was a beee-yooo-tiful faerie princess named Oruo."
Kuchel spoke in a high, fluting voice. Petra had tears in her eyes from struggling not to laugh. Levi sat on the sofa next to her, arm wrapped around her shoulders. He squeezed her tight, suffering the same battle.
The siblings were performing a little play. A month after Oruo had been born, and he was already a star.
Kuchel had strapped some of her doll faerie wings to him, and placed a toy crown on his head. The baby lay in his reclining chair, glaring at his sister like a small, irate blob. Oruo's brows were knitted in fury as Kuchel waved a tinsel-covered wand over him.
"He was the loveliest princess in allllllll the world." Kuchel turned around a couple of times like a ballet dancer. Oruo gave a cry that sounded like an old, sick cat getting run over by a truck. Petra buried her face against Levi's shoulder and began shaking with suppressed laughter.
"My son sure makes a pretty princess," he whispered. That sent her into a coughing fit.
"But one day, the evil witch came. And she said, 'I curse yoooou, Princess Oruo! You are not the prettiest, I am! Mwaaahahahaha!"
Kuchel gave a fairly good witch's laugh.
Oruo drooled in defiance.
"And, and Princess Oruo said, 'Nooooo! I am the prettiest! La la la la laaaaaa.'" Kuchel tickled Oruo's face with the tinsel. The baby started screeching.
"Okay. I think the princess needs to be fed," Petra said, hiccupping as she gently lifted the baby up. The crown fell off, but the wings stayed on.
Oruo's grumpiness evaporated when Petra held him. The baby waved his arms enthusiastically as she sat down with him, and kissed his little nose.
"He loves his mother." Levi sounded proud.
Oruo's eyes bulged in joy when Petra unbuttoned her front. He reached out in excitement, making rapturous little grunting noises.
"He's just like me." Levi sounded even prouder. Petra lovingly kicked him in the ankle as she felt Oruo latch onto her breast. Kuchel sat next to her father and babbled about witches while Petra nursed the baby. She beamed down at her son.
Another two months, and she'd be ready to start training again.
Levi had started turning their upstairs guest area into a gym. There were weights and ropes, a mat where the two of them could start sparring again. Petra would likely never be as fit or trim as she had been at twenty-one, but she was going to be well muscled again.
She loved grappling with Levi in bed. But soon, they'd be wrestling on the mat once more. Not in a sexual sense.
Well. Most of the time.
"I think I am a very lucky woman," she said. She kissed her husband's cheek.
"No argument here." He gave her a small, sly grin.
Petra looked down at her tiny son, happily nursing away.
In about a week, it would be Armin's first birthday.
She felt that shaft to the heart, but kept her face neutral. She stayed smiling. For her family's sake, she would smile.
Maybe one day Kuchel and Oruo would see their brother. Maybe one day.
I'm never letting you go, little boy. She looked down on Oruo, who had Levi's face, and her heart healed just the tiniest bit.
He was her little angel. And she was going to keep him and his sister safe.
She was not going to rely solely on Levi to protect the family.
She was a mother. But she was also a soldier.
And she was happy to be both.
Levi killed Erwin every night.
It was always good to see the taller man's face when Levi put the knife to him. When he took a sword and hacked Erwin's head clean off. When he crushed the man into a bloody pulp beneath his boots.
Tonight, Levi was just punching him. Breaking that handsome, arrogant face over and over again.
Erwin tried fighting him, but his blows never landed on Levi. Not once.
'Bastard,' Levi snarled.
'Levi.'
He didn't listen to Erwin's groans, his curses, his pleas for mercy. Levi crushed the king's windpipe with a solid jab. He caved in Erwin's temple with a roundhouse kick. And then the king of Paradis went down, destroyed.
Annihilated.
Levi stood over him, breathing heavily, satisfied with himself.
Piece of shit.
'Levi.'
Erwin smiled at him. A younger Erwin, a clean shaven Erwin. Erwin, dressed in the green of the Survey Corps. Erwin seated on that crate in Shiganshina.
Erwin smiled, tears in his eyes.
'Thank you' he said.
And Levi woke up, sweating.
He stared ahead into the darkness, Petra asleep at his side.
Bad dream. That's all. Unexpected ending.
He lay back down and tried to sleep.
Levi. Thank you. Levi.
Thank you.
But sleep did not come.