856
The lack of stress left them with a lot more energy to devote to each other and the children. Petra was easing off of around the clock surveillance of Giulia; since confessing her pain in the park that day, the Tybur woman had become a little easier. Perhaps she'd just needed to say it out loud, and have someone sympathize. But Petra was able to be home with the kids, and three times a week leave them with Hange so she could go to a gym and be properly reconditioned. Doing crunches, lifting weights, running laps, and doing sit ups and even pull ups was agony after several years without too much activity, but it made her feel alive. Even if they were out of immediate danger now, she always wanted to be prepared to defend herself.
Levi always wore that stoic mask, but she could tell on days that she bragged of a new milestone, a record run, the most weight crunched, that he was proud.
Hange, meanwhile, was given an apartment in their building, just a couple of floors below. Willy wanted to thank her for being instrumental in finally relieving them all of Erwin's crushing grip. Most days, Hange would work at the lab, but on Fridays she tended to stay home and do research on her own. She was always happy to see Petra then for lunch, or join the family for dinner in their apartment. Levi grumbled about not being able to get away from her. But again, Petra saw that pleased gleam in his eye.
By the end of June, Oruo was six months old. He was already struggling to sit up on his own. Physically, he seemed very advanced for such a small baby.
"He's a little tough guy." Levi grinned as he looked down on Oruo in his crib. The baby waggled his arms and legs and made little 'ust' noises, trying to sit up. Petra watched Levi pinch his son's cheek. Over time, Oruo was learning to be a little more civil to other people. He now simply ignored Hange when she held him, and gazed back at his father in what Petra could only describe as a challenging but respectful way. That day, Oruo even had a rare grin for his father.
The one who never got anything other than a scowl, however, was Kuchel. Oruo looked absolutely livid any time she entered the room. Since she could no longer dress him up, Petra had allowed her to put the baby in her doll carriage and have tea parties with him. Kuchel laughed and tickled Oruo's belly, mirthful whenever he tried to grab a fistful of her hair and yank. He succeeded a couple of times. Petra had had to intercede then, because Kuchel started shrieking and she feared her daughter losing control and punting the baby across the room.
"He's a gloomy baby," Kuchel had said sagely, rubbing her scalp.
Oruo only opened and closed his little hands like a crab clicking its claws, waiting for his victim to come closer.
On Sundays all that summer, they walked through the park with Oruo in his little carriage and Hange tagging along, pointing out different varieties of leaf, or fungus, or insect. Levi's whole body seemed to pucker whenever Hange showed Kuchel something, or even worse, let her touch it. Kuchel loved the creepy crawlies, though. She loved tea parties, pink dresses, bugs, dirt, and her little brother. Levi was fine with three of those.
But every time Petra watched her husband push their daughter on the swings, or sat with Oruo on his lap in the evening, showing him different types of cleaning brushes, Petra felt that sweet, absolute relaxation. They were safe.
They were happy.
Petra's happiness was almost complete.
She still took out the picture of Armin every night and kissed it. She still kissed the little gray sock. Some days, she still needed to put herself away in a room for fifteen minutes so she could cry it out. Occasionally, the pain would last most of the day. Levi was perfectly understanding every time. He held her when she needed it.
Seven more years. And before then, I'll get to see him. At least once.
Part of the "treaty" said that Petra could send letters and presents to the little boy. She knew he was still too young to read or understand, but she wanted to give him as many messages as she could, so he could read them when he was older. Understand why his mother wasn't with him.
Petra wrote page after page and sent them, along with little gifts like a teddy bear.
And she sent letters to her sister and parents, too. Even Willem. Asking them to please tell her what was happening. How they were. Or even to come visit.
Petra sent all her letters, and waited.
Brigitta kissed him deeply, seated on his lap before the fire. She had never kissed anyone like this before. Like she was hungry for more, and more famished after every one. She shivered in Erwin's arms as the autumn rain pattered against the window. The king made a soft sound of amusement.
"Cold?" he whispered. Brigitta cuddled against him, ran the bridge of her nose up and down his bearded jaw. She had undone the top button of his shirt, and played her fingers along his chest.
"Not now." She sighed. Laughter rumbled in his throat.
"I swore that you came in here to talk about Siegfried."
"Yes. But I got distracted." She kissed him again. It didn't bother her that he was so much older; in some ways, it was what she liked best. He was so masterful. Experienced. He made her feel safe.
"It's a welcome distraction." Erwin toyed with the zipper at the back of her dress. He sighed heavily. "But I have to decline. Tonight, after dinner, I'll be more at liberty."
Brigitta pouted a bit, something that men had often loved. He seemed no exception. Erwin muttered about an incorrigible girl, and kissed her again.
She had never been "in love" before. She had loved Edvard, but not like this. Edvard hadn't lit her body on fire. He hadn't been the subject of her daily fantasies.
"I love you," Brigitta whispered against his lips.
Erwin smiled, and kissed her forehead. "You've been the greatest comfort to me. Really."
He gently set her on her feet as he stood up. Brigitta forced a smile; getting nit-picky about the words he used wouldn't get him to say the three words she wanted most. She was young. She was lovely. She was the perfect surrogate mother to his son. She wanted to have his children. All these things were what men wanted most. He wanted her more than anyone else. He didn't take any other lovers.
"I hope you'll come to the nursery before dinner," she said lightly. Erwin neatened the front of his clothes. She was a bit satisfied to see an obvious bulge in his trousers.
"Of course." He winked. "Kiss Siegfried for me."
"I will." She almost left the room, then paused by the door. "It…it's going to be all right, isn't it?"
She looked up at him shyly, half afraid. Erwin, seated at his desk once more, turned to her.
"What will be?"
"The…" It felt so impossible to say. "What Willy Tybur wants from you. It's not going to really happen, is it?"
He'd assured her before, but the fear of it bit her to the bone. Erwin, dead in seven years. The Founding Titan lost to them, Brigitta's womb forever gone.
Siegfried, her most precious angel, taken out of her arms and sent to live with a mother he wouldn't remember.
"Of course not." Erwin sounded gentle. He stood, came to her, and held her shoulders. "I have my spies on the mainland in every single country. We're going to find Eren. We'll bring him here, and I'll eat him. Then it's a quick stop to the pits for Historia, and everything will be fine."
He cupped her cheek. She nuzzled his palm. His hands were a bit soft, but also callused. His hands had wielded weapons in battle many times. The perfect hands for a man.
"I know it's selfish to keep asking. But…"
"I will restore what nature took from you. We'll have children. We'll marry. Don't worry."
It should have filled her with relief, but it never did these days. Brigitta found her lip quivering; shit, her eyes filled with tears.
"Gitta?"
"I, um. I got a letter from my mother." She wiped her eyes quickly. "Edvard's been in touch. He's getting married again."
"I see."
A lump formed in her chest.
"And she's pregnant."
A moment of silence passed. The hearth crackled. Erwin gently pulled her against him.
"You have Siegfried. You'll have our children," he said.
God, he was so large. She felt almost like a child in his embrace. Brigitta smiled.
"I can't lose him. Or you."
"Petra won't have him." Erwin sounded firm. Resolved. "I promise you that." He touched her chin as Brigitta stopped her tears. "I'm sorry about Edvard."
"He has every right to be happy. I'm glad that he's found someone."
"Does any part of you feel hurt?"
She hadn't been "in love" with Edvard, but there'd been so many little moments. Him picking all the strawberries off his plate and giving them to her; patiently massaging her feet when she was pregnant; walking down the street hand in hand, laughing about something. Brigitta knew that he'd been possessed of a rare quality. Genuine kindness.
It was something she assured herself Erwin also had.
"Just sad. I shouldn't be. I love you, not him." She blushed, waiting for his reply in kind. He only looked at her with tenderness. Good enough. "But…I still care about him."
"Of course." He led her by the hand. "Here. I have something for you."
He sat her upon his bed and went to a safe hidden in the wall behind a painting. He unlocked the safe and took out a carved wooden box. Erwin presented it to her. Brigitta gasped.
In the firelight, they glittered spectacularly. So many jewels, of all kinds. She clasped her hands over her heart.
"They were the Empress Frieda's," he said. "The jewels of a queen of Eldia."
Queen. Brigtta gently took up a bracelet that shone with emeralds.
"I…I can have one?" She was half-afraid he'd slam the box shut, as if in a cruel joke.
Erwin smiled. "Take two. Anything you want."
The jewels of a queen of Eldia. One day, Brigitta would have all of them. For now, they were a promise. She would be queen. His queen.
She blushed and stammered and finally selected a necklace strung with sapphires and a diamond ring. She slipped the ring onto her left hand, thrilled when it fit. She gently laid the necklace around her neck and fluffed her curls.
"You're beautiful," he whispered. He kissed her. She was on fire with love. With joy.
After that, Brigitta practically floated down the hallway, admiring her diamond ring. Her engagement ring. Everything would be all right. He was the strongest, smartest man in the world. He'd fix everything.
Brigitta had never been like Petra. She hadn't wanted a life of action. Petra had always looked past the city rooftops and wished to see beyond the horizon. Brigitta truly didn't want much. Just to raise children.
And now, to raise children with a man she loved.
To her, men and women were easy to understand. Petra would scoff if Brigitta said these things, but it was true. Women fell in love with security. With the promise of status. She was business minded, in this way her mother's daughter. Edvard had been well off. Maybe there were other men Brigitta found more handsome, but he'd offered her a home and tranquility. A family.
Now she had a palace. An adored child. Jewels.
No other man could compete with Erwin. How in the hell had Petra given him up to run away with Levi? Brigitta truly did love Levi as a brother. She knew he was a good man. But nothing he had measured up to Erwin.
Petra had always been strange. Then again, if she hadn't preferred her husband, Brigitta would never have gotten Erwin.
She pushed open the nursery door.
"Oh!" She jolted in surprise.
"Sorry, m'lady. Just delivering some mail. The third footman's sick today, so I'm helping where I can." The maid dropped into a curtsy.
"Oh, it's fine." This maid was… Poor thing. Her face was half melted. "What's your name?"
"Inga, m'lady."
"I'm not a lady. Don't worry." Brigitta went to the crib and lifted up Siegfried. He'd been standing, cooing and gurgling. The most precious little thing. He was soft and sweet. He giggled when his aunt rubbed noses with him. "'Miss' is fine."
"Very good, Miss." Inga smiled at Siegfried, who waved at her. Truly a little sweetheart.
The maid left, and Brigitta walked Siegfried around the room a couple of times. She whispered little nursery rhymes as he sucked his thumb. Perfect angel.
Brigitta looked at the mail on the dresser. A letter from her mother—oh dear. That could wait. An invitation from Lady Mueller to a small luncheon. Brigitta wasn't official in any capacity, but everyone in Mitras knew she was the king's mistress. She was the one Erwin took to dinners or the opera now instead of Historia, who remained shut away. The fact that Erwin did this without fear showed how much power he had. That he was truly the king.
She'd have to RSVP yes. Then there was a thank you note from Mrs. Krause on her daughter's thoughtful wedding present, and…
A letter from…
Brigitta furrowed her brow.
Not again.
Brigitta's face fell when she saw Petra's handwriting. In Siegfried's cradle was the little gray teddy bear his mother had sent months ago. Brigitta was happy to give him the toys, but these letters… He couldn't even read! He had no understanding.
This will only confuse him. She looked at the beaming, golden child. It'll make him resent me. He'll want her, not me.
Everyone did. Everyone always loved Petra more, or thought about Petra more. Petra had always been the star of the family. Brigitta didn't mind, truly. She did love her sister. But how many times did Petra get to make mistakes and have everyone falling over themselves to accommodate her? To forgive her and make it all better? Brigitta had never done anything wrong, and she'd lost everything she cared about.
Petra tried to help me.
But Petra's help, ironically, had led to Brigitta's dream dying forever. Until Erwin. Until Siegfried.
Brigitta didn't open the envelope. She went to the nursery fire and tossed the letter into the flames. She'd done the same with four others so far.
One day. When Siegfried was old enough, she'd discuss his mother with him. By then, he'd know who loved him most. Who had given up a husband for him, instead of giving him up for a husband.
I love Petra. But she has two children. She can have more. It's not fair.
Brigitta sang a little song and kissed Siegfried's cheek.
She was a woman who had almost everything she'd ever wanted.
857
"Remind me why we had to do this again?" Levi grumbled. He adjusted his dark blue pinstripe suit as Petra sat down on the photographer's stool, arranging Oruo on her lap. The Ackermans were finally getting a family portrait done. Kuchel was starting elementary school in a couple of months, and Oruo was now a squirming year-and-a-half. Petra laughed as her son slipped her grip and toddled around and around, practically bashing off the walls like a pinball. Kuchel picked Oruo up by his armpits and proudly carried him back to Petra, while the little boy turned pure scarlet and yowled at her.
Maybe he's more cat than child.
She lifted Oruo back onto her lap. She neatened his little shirt while Kuchel pranced over to Levi.
"Where do I stand?" She hummed a little as she stood on her tiptoes in her patent leather shoes. She was dressed in a light blue dress with a matching bow.
'Perfect' Levi had said this morning, looking proud enough to burst.
Then Kuchel and Oruo had started playing their favorite game 'Catch Sister.' Kuchel sped up and down the hallways, laughing wildly as Oruo cruised behind her in his walker. His arms were always outstretched, a look of clenched fury on his little baby face. He'd never Caught Sister yet. Petra was half afraid of what would happen when he did.
'Not so perfect' Levi had grumbled when something in the living room knocked over.
"Stand right next to Papa." Petra smiled. Levi stood behind the chair, and Kuchel stood just to the side so that she was completely visible. Petra smiled as the photographer got behind his camera.
"All right. Smile, family!"
Petra smiled. She knew Kuchel would be smiling. She hoped Levi was.
The man didn't take their picture.
"Something wrong?" Levi asked.
"Erm. Is there a way to make your son…frown less?"
Petra looked down at Oruo, who was glaring at the camera. She rolled her eyes.
"Oruo. Look at Mama."
He looked up and beamed.
"Amazing! Okay li'l guy, look back at me just like that and one, two—"
The flash went off. Petra blinked, and Kuchel rubbed her eyes.
"How's it look?" Levi asked.
"Erm. The, uh…"
Levi went over to look at what the guy was seeing. Looking through the camera lens, her husband cursed.
"Damn brat's mad again."
"Oh, Oruo." Petra sighed. Her son looked up, and beamed at her. Levi took his place again.
"You know what, I'm getting his profile. You can have both pictures. Okay, family. Smile!"
The camera flashed again.
When they got the envelope with their photos back, they inspected them. The first one showed Oruo beaming up at Petra, the rest of the Ackermans smiling.
The second—the first one taken—showed Petra and Kuchel beaming while both Levi and Oruo scowled.
Petra laughed so hard that tears ran down her cheeks.
"Sometimes I forget how to smile," Levi grumbled. They were lying in bed, deciding which to put in the frame on their bedside table.
"This one." Petra waved the scowling picture. "It's absolutely our family."
"Tch. Sorry I ruined your big photo," he said, looking uncomfortable. Petra wrapped her arms around him and nuzzled his ear.
"I like you just this way. If I didn't, I wouldn't have married you."
"Hmmph. Yeah. I guess that's true."
This time, the smile came to him effortlessly. Petra kissed and kissed her husband as the kids played 'Catch Sister' all the way down the hall.
"Can you say 'Papa'?" Erwin asked. He knelt on the ground and watched Siegfried hug his stuffed bear. He was almost two-and-a-half years old. How time flew.
Six years left. The anniversary of his rebirth had just passed. Erwin was officially more than halfway done. He lifted the boy into the air and sat in his rocking chair, the child perched on his knee. Siegfried looked up with those big, soft amber eyes. Erwin could always feel Petra looking at him when he saw those eyes. Judging him.
Two birthdays her son had celebrated without his mother.
She could have come with him. With Erwin, back to Paradis. But no. Never. She'd just sit there and wait, let her son grow and become more and more of a stranger.
Still, Erwin ruffled the boy's fine, fluffy hair. Siegfried grinned shyly and hid his face in his bear. He was such a sensitive child. Such a perfect child.
"Go on. Papa. Can you say Papa?"
Truthfully, Siegfried should have been talking much more by now. He'd said a few words, but preferred to be quiet. Erwin didn't want his son, a future king, to be so shy that he couldn't formulate arguments or speak to his subjects.
"Papa?" Erwin grinned.
"Mumma," Siegfried said. He almost asked it balefully. Erwin's smile fell.
"She's not here, Siegfried." He kissed the top of the boy's head, then lifted him back into his crib. Siegfried waved shyly at his father, then turned away and continued playing with his bear. Erwin frowned. Sensitive was good; delicate was not. He'd have to keep an eye on this.
Inga entered and curtsied. "Your Majesty, Mrs. Ral is here again."
Erwin sighed wearily. "Yes. Thank you, Inga. Could you watch Master Siegfried until I return?"
"Of course, sire." Inga beamed into the crib, and Siegfried beamed back at her. It was nice to see them get along. Sometimes it felt like Siegfried warmed to everybody except Erwin.
Nonsense.
Erwin walked down the hall, following the increasingly loud sounds of shouting. He braced himself as he entered the western parlor and found the two women on opposite ends of the chamber screaming at each other, their combined volume loud enough to crack a mirror. The footmen had fled.
"You always take her side! You always take everyone's side but mine!" Brigitta shrieked.
"Because Petra's the only one of you that has her life together!" Ingrid roared. Both women had clearly been crying, or were about to begin.
"What the hell is going on?" Erwin snapped. "I have to be told by my servant that you're both screeching like animals."
"Just go away, I can deal with this!" Brigitta shouted. He gave her one quiet look—he did not appreciate being screamed at, and she knew it. Brigitta immediately stopped her bellowing and looked at the floor. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine," he said gently.
But to Ingrid, none of this was fine.
Erwin had seen the woman only a few times these past two years. They were always chilly to each other when they met; both hated the other for the part he or she had played in Petra's flight. But Erwin wanted Siegfried to have his grandparents. His uncle, Willem, was totally indifferent and seemed to have distanced himself from the family. How could everyone be so dysfunctional?
Ingrid did not like Erwin. But she was always frostily polite to him.
Until now.
"Why do you have to hurt my daughters? Hmm?" The delicate woman rounded on Erwin, her fists tight with fury. "You drove one away and then you made the other some kind of…concubine!"
He knew the word she'd really wanted to use.
"Brigitta is doing the motherly duties that Petra shirked." Erwin was maddeningly polite. "You should be proud of her. She's conscientious."
"What a romantic word." Ingrid gave a terrible, insulting grin as she stalked over to Brigitta. The young woman was holding onto herself as if cold. "Edvard's got a wife and baby boy now. He's happy. You gave up your husband. You gave up your home. You're almost twenty-seven, and you're infertile." That word made Brigitta flinch. Erwin could see how much she longed to throw his promise to restore her womb in her mother's face, but he'd told Brigitta to keep that secret. "You're not going to have as easy a time finding a husband as before, but there's still time. That window is shrinking! I want you to be happy!"
"I am happy!" Brigitta shrieked. Erwin felt a headache coming on. How could he get them to stop? "I have Siegfried!"
"Armin," Ingrid growled. Erwin's jaw locked. The old bitch had never been this bold before. "You only have him until Erwin's term is up. Then he goes to Petra!"
"He's my baby, not hers!"
"Will you listen to yourself? You sound insane!"
Their throats had to be wrecked by now. Erwin stepped between them. His much larger body silenced the conversation.
"Siegfried's going to stay with Erwin," Brigitta said, speaking around him to her mother. She clung to Erwin's arm, almost like a child. "And so am I."
"Right. Which brings us to the reason this shouting all got started in the first place." Ingrid glared up at Erwin. He had never seen loathing like he saw in that woman's eyes at this moment. "She tells me you're going to marry her. Make her queen."
Damn it. He glared at Brigitta, who wilted a bit.
"She wouldn't stop bothering me. It slipped out," she hissed.
"Yes, Ingrid. That's our current understanding," Erwin said.
"Listen to him. Listen to the words he used. They're bloodless. Gitta." Ingrid now looked pleadingly at her daughter. "He's just using you. It's the same thing he did to Petra."
"No. Petra made a mistake. I didn't," Brigitta said coldly.
"I don't know what your plan is," Ingrid said to Erwin. "But I don't want you to involve my daughter or my grandson in it."
"Siegfried's my son. He stays with me. And Brigitta chooses to. That's her right."
"Yes," Brigitta said.
"He should be with his mother." Ingrid was very bold today. Erwin took one slow step forward. She backed away. Good.
"I've given you a lot of freedom, madam. I've kept you alive and healthy for Siegfried's sake. Don't start endangering yourself now."
Ingrid drew herself up. They appraised each other like fighters before a match.
"My husband and I came to a decision. We want passes of transport. We want to leave Paradis and go to Marley. Valle."
"To be with Petra." His grin was tight-lipped.
"What?" Brigitta went to her mother. "Mama… When are you coming back?"
"I don't think we are. Pieter and I don't like the changes that've come to Paradis these last few years. We want a fresh start." Ingrid said all that to Brigitta, but she looked at Erwin.
"You're just going to leave me here?" Brigitta sounded shocked. "And Siegfried?"
"I'm barely allowed to spend fifteen minutes alone with him now." Ingrid looked somewhat regretful. "Besides, I haven't seen Kuchel in years, and I have another grandson I've never met. I want to fix that."
"Why is it so easy for you to leave me?" Brigitta's voice was different now. It was thick with tears, almost unhinged. It was the kind of voice that comes from childhood, and wounds that haven't healed.
"You could come with us." Ingrid took her daughter's hand.
"But you choose Petra and her children over us," Brigitta muttered.
"Your "fiancé" hasn't left us much choice."
"Why can't you ever choose me?" Brigitta clutched the sides of her head. Erwin half-feared she was having a fit. "Petra was always Papa's favorite, and Willem was always yours! I was never anyone's favorite!" She was almost sobbing now. "Someone has to choose me!"
As Brigitta cried, Ingrid looked both sympathetic and sad.
"Edvard did."
Erwin cleared his throat. "I think it's time for you to go, Ingrid. I'll call a car."
"Don't bother. I'll walk to the train station. It keeps me fit," the woman grumbled. She took her daughter by the shoulders one more time. "I love you." Her voice cracked a bit. "Come with me. You can have a brand new life. Petra will be thrilled to see you."
"Petra." Brigitta's voice was empty. All of her had bled away. "Petra wanted to be a soldier, and I wanted to be a wife and mother. Petra got her wish, and mine, too. She didn't even want it, and she got to have it! I didn't get anything!"
These were childish words, but Brigitta had regressed in the last few minutes. She sobbed against her mother, who was on the verge of tears herself.
"You can start over. You can have a good life," she whispered. "Just come with Papa and me."
Brigitta shoved away. She stood before Erwin, small and frail-looking against him.
"I have a good life." Brigitta sniffed, under control again. "If you don't want to be part of it, then go."
Ingrid's lip quivered. She looked at Erwin with seething hatred.
"You'll burn in hell," she snarled.
"Women keep telling me that," he replied. He watched Mrs. Ral exit the room, slamming the door behind her. Brigitta turned into him, buried her face against his chest.
"Thank you," she said.
He didn't embrace her in turn. He only spoke.
"We agreed you wouldn't tell anyone about our 'engagement'," he said. She peered up at him.
"I had to tell her something to get her off my back. I got flustered and it came tumbling out."
"I understand that, but think. If word gets around that I'm marrying you, people might suspect I have designs on Historia's life." They already suspected it, to be fair. "And then they might start asking themselves what I'm doing. What my plans are. Orchestrating a worldwide search while I'm supposed to be quarantined isn't exactly easy, Brigitta."
He tried not to be cold with her, but he didn't feel like sugar coating any of this. She backed away.
"Yes, Erwin. I'm sorry."
She really wasn't like her sister at all. He could iron her hair and dye it, but there wasn't fire in her like there was in Petra. He had completely dominated her, a fact that made him feel simultaneously tender towards her and also a bit disgusted.
All she wants is to be loved. Chosen. He sighed.
"Please go look in on Siegfried."
"Will I see you for dinner?"
"I have business with the council. I'll be home late."
She wavered on her feet. He knew that she wanted to go to him and kiss him, but that she wasn't sure if it was right. If he'd allow it. Poor thing. She really didn't know what this relationship was. Well, he'd give her what he'd promised her. She'd more than earned it.
Taking pity on her, Erwin bent down and kissed her gently on the mouth. That was all it took to get a smile out of her.
Times like this were when he missed Marie the most. She'd had such fire. She'd been such a partner, both lover and opponent. Erwin liked women of spirit.
Poor Brigitta.
"Love you." She smiled gently as he left. Erwin shook his head as he walked down the hall.
858
"Go to Grandpa. Oi! Don't give me that look, go to Grandpa."
Levi leaned back in his chair as snow fell outside the windows. Oruo had just turned two, and they were trying to get him to listen to them. Obey their commands, really, like a damn dog. But the kid was willful. Tell him to go left, he toddled right. He ripped up everything that wasn't nailed down. Levi had found him yesterday trying to pry the floorboards up with his bare little baby hands.
Kenny. I think he takes after you.
The thought almost made Levi laugh.
"Come here, sweetie. Grandpa loves you." Pieter beamed as Oruo wandered past by accident. He grabbed the child and hoisted him up. Oruo squalled until Pieter plunked the kid down on his knee. Oruo looked up and beamed. Maybe he just liked the Ral genetics. Or Pieter and Petra's coloring. "Aww, you're my little gentleman. Yes you are." Pieter gave the baby a kiss. Oruo scowled, but didn't try to run or attack. Progress.
"Grampa, Grampa!" Kuchel bounded in, a book in hand. "Read me a story? Pleeeease? Papa doesn't do the voices good."
"Why's a rabbit need a special voice?" Levi grumbled. Kuchel snuggled up on the couch next to Pieter.
"Of course, angel." Pieter, Levi thought, had never looked more content than he did here with his two grandchildren, one lovingly leaning against his side, the other trying like hell to get away.
Petra and Ingrid's voices grew louder as they came down the hallway with a tray of drinks. Petra placed the tea tray on the center of the coffee table, then backed up. Levi snatched her by the waist and sat her on his lap. She looked at him with a smug little smile.
"This is very daring in front of our children," she drawled.
"If you knew what I was thinking," he whispered in her ear, "you'd realize this is absolutely nothing."
"Don't kiss! Ewwww!" Kuchel covered her eyes with her hands. These days any indication that her parents were in love horrified her. She wasn't even a teenager yet. Levi smiled as Ingrid poured the tea and handed everyone the cups. Kuchel got a glass of milk. Oruo was finally given freedom, and raced off down the hallway making strange little noises.
"He's such an interesting boy," Ingrid said faintly, seated on the couch with Pieter, Kuchel sandwiched between them.
"He's gonna grow up to be a badass," Levi said proudly. Or in prison, but he didn't say that out loud.
"We can't thank you two enough for letting us stay here," Pieter said as they all drank. "I know it's been a hectic few months."
"Papa, we love having you and Mama upstairs!" Petra beamed. Levi stared into his tea. The Rals being here did help. They both loved staying with the kids, so Petra and Levi had a lot more couple time. They could go on dates…or get a hotel room. Or both.
But having Ingrid around every hour of every day was…smothering was too strong a word. 'Choking' could be good.
He and his mother in law got along much better these days, but Ingrid had her own ideas about how to clean. Some of them contradicted Levi's. Petra had once had to break them up as they both stood in the kitchen arguing over who got the mop.
"We really should start looking for our own apartment," Ingrid said delicately. Kuchel gasped.
"Nooo! Gramma, Grampa, don't go!"
"We'd just be downstairs, sweetheart." Ingrid petted the child's hair. "Or down the street. Well, maybe on the other side of town; this district seems awfully expensive."
Levi knew what his line was supposed to be, but he refused to give in to this indirect bullshit. Petra did it for him.
"Mama. You and Papa are going to live here. You have your own place upstairs, and the kids love having you. The apartment has so much room. We want you to stay as long as you want. Right, Levi?"
He made a noise that could be construed as agreement. That was good enough.
"Oh. It's too much of a sacrifice." Ingrid sighed. Levi rolled his eyes.
"For shit's sake, Ingrid, you want to stay and we want to have you. Cut it out." All the adults glared at Levi as he drank his tea. Didn't want it to get cold.
"Levi's blunt, but right. We'd love to stay." Pieter smiled as Kuchel cheered and hugged him. Levi sighed. His baby girl was always with Pieter or Ingrid these days. It was the novelty of having her long-missing grandparents around, he knew that. But it kinda made him sad.
Or maybe it was the fact she'd be seven in a few months. The days were sliding away from him. The kid was in school now. How the fuck had that happened?
'She's your first baby,' Petra had said one night as they lay in bed. 'Of course you hate seeing her grow up.'
'Dumb thing to say, but I never thought she'd get bigger than a toddler.' Levi shook his head. 'I'm a moron.'
'No.' She'd kissed his cheek. 'You're a good Papa.'
Well. At least he still had Oruo. Levi smiled warmly and looked around for his son. He heard the kid's feet padding down the hall. Oruo was even giggling like a normal kid. Nice change.
Wonder what'd made him so happy?
"Oh my—" Pieter's whole face went white. He leapt to his feet. "How did he get a knife?"
"Not again," Petra growled. She sprang off Levi's lap and was down the hall like a shot. "Oruo? No no, knives are not a toy. Not a toy!"
The child kept giggling enthusiastically.
Kenny. Guess it runs in the blood.
Levi sighed deeply, and drank his tea.
Erwin sat behind his desk. The clock struck midnight, but he did not move.
Thirteen years since 845.
Eren had received his titan the day Wall Maria fell.
Today was the thirteenth anniversary of that day.
The end of Eren's life.
Erwin got up and walked to the windows. Had Eren transferred the power to anyone else? Or had he simply allowed himself to expire naturally, giving the power to some random Eldian baby?
I need that power. I must have it. I will die without it.
His spies had turned up nothing all these years. Erwin turned as the door opened and Connie poked his head in.
"Majesty? You wanted to see me?" The young man looked strangely hesitant. Well, Erwin had a reputation for having a temper these days.
"In the morning, I'm going to put the order out, but I wanted you and Floch to be aware. I'm rounding up all of the Eldian babies on Paradis that were born this past year. From twelve months ago to exactly today. We'll be subjecting all of them to tests."
"Tests?" Connie looked ill. He must have suspected. Sometimes he was strangely perceptive.
"One of them may have inherited Eren's Founder. We'll inject them with spinal fluid one at a time."
"But…" Connie's eyes widened. "S-Sire, if the babies don't have a shifter's power, they'll turn into mindless titans. We'll have to—"
"We'll strongly encourage parents to report any strange markings they may have noticed upon a new child's body. Hopefully someone will come forward right away."
"But we don't know that the Founder is even on Paradis!" Connie looked almost panicked. His eyes filled with tears. "Please, Majesty. I-Isn't there some other way?"
Erwin sighed. Connie loved children. He was a sweet, good boy. Stupid, but good. Erwin patted his arm.
"We will recompense any parent who…loses a child," he said. Of course he knew the stark evil of what he was doing. He imagined anyone doing such a thing to Siegfried, and wanted to commit murder at the mere thought. But for his son, he would do any monstrous thing. Like any parent, he adored his child. Like any parent, he would do whatever he could to ensure the child's safety.
As king, he could do much.
"Erwin, don't—"
Connie shut up at once, but the king glared. Connie had never overstepped the mark with him before.
"Do you know something?" Erwin narrowed his eyes. "Do you know anything about the Founder that might prevent me from committing to the horrible task set before me?"
"No," Connie whispered. Two tears streaked down his cheeks. He hung his head. "I…I don't."
"If you feel that badly about it, perhaps we could feed your mother to one of the unfortunates," Erwin snapped. Connie flinched. "If you'd rather not, then obey my orders and keep your thoughts to yourself. Understood?"
"Yes, sire."
Connie saluted and left. Erwin turned back to the window and gazed up at the moon.
I am the devil of all earth. I am the true monster.
He leaned his forehead against the glass. He knew his own evil, but he would still do it. Did that make such actions better? No. Surely worse.
859
"Hey, everyone! Everyone, shaddup!" Hange was drunk as she stood on her chair in the niceass restaurant that Levi had spent a lotta fucking money on this evening. He would kill Four Eyes. He wound his arm around Petra's shoulders as she bit her lower lip, panic in her eyes.
They were dining in a rooftop restaurant at the Amalfia, the swankest hotel in all Valle. They'd had four bottles of sparkling wine so far. Levi, Petra, Hange, Willy, Giulia, and the Rals had all assembled here for a very special occasion.
"Hey! Shhhhh!" Hange managed to get the band to stop playing. Levi wondered if he could kill her and somehow get away with it. "I jus' wanna let you all know that this lady," she yelled, gesturing at Petra, "is thir—hic—irty years old today! Wooooo!" She pumped her fists in the air. "Y'know, back inna day we didn't think she'd even make it to twenty-five before a ti'an ate her, so this is amazing!"
"Do something," Petra whispered. She hid her face behind her hand.
"My big present to you," he said. "I'll throw her over the balcony railing."
Giulia actually did them a favor. She surreptitiously kicked Hange's chair so that it wobbled. The woman nearly collapsed to the floor, but Levi was fast. He got up and caught her in time. After all, if she hit the marble she could bleed or have a concussion and totally ruin the damn party.
"Uh. Would you like us to play happy birthday?" the band conductor asked, clearly at a loss.
"No," Levi said.
"Please." Giulia gave a big, fake smile.
As the whole restaurant sang in a clearly bewildered manner and the band played, Petra looked like she wanted to slip under the table and disappear. She smiled graciously even as her cheeks flamed. When it was over and the applause had mercifully died, she gripped Levi by his tie.
"Promise me we're going to have a very, very good time tonight, because I need to forget this ever happened," she whispered.
"After dinner, your folks go home to the kids. You and me go downstairs to our own suite. I will fuck your brains out," he promised. She sighed and cuddled against him.
"You make everything better."
"Hey. Least I can do now you're an old woman." He smirked as she elbowed him in the side. Truthfully, Petra forever looked to him like that beautiful young girl who'd stood on the staircase back at that inn at Mitras. The night of the midwinter ball, when his life changed forever.
"Now that Hange's seated again," Willy said evenly, "I'd like to propose another toast." He lifted his glass, as did the rest of the table. "To Petra, a woman of grace and poise. A damned fine actor." He smiled, clearly remembering that first undercover operation years back. He didn't feel any rancor towards the Ackermans now. "It's rare to find someone so principled and yet so kind. You have been an excellent addition to Marley."
"Yes." Giulia clinked glasses with Willy and nodded at Petra. Things seemed to have gotten easier between them. You could almost say they'd become genuinely friendly.
Everyone clinked as Petra blushed. Levi wrapped his arm around her tighter.
"What about you, Levi?" Pieter smiled. Oh shit. "Everyone else has made a toast."
"I've been toasted too many times, Papa." Petra spoke up quick. "Levi doesn't need to make a toast to show me how he feels."
"Psssh." Hange blew a raspberry then cupped her hands around her mouth. "Speech! Speeeech!"
Yes. He would kill her after he got out of these nice clothes, because blood was hard to get out of silk. In the meantime, Levi looked at Petra. His beautiful Petra. His angel.
"Um." He shrugged. "Sure. Why not."
"You don't have to," she whispered.
"Eh." He looked at her face. He looked into those wide amber eyes. He remembered the way those eyes had expressed all her different emotions over the years. The look of fear when he was in danger. The look of relief when he was safe. The sparkling friendliness when she was with the guys. The half-lidded, seductive gaze when it was just them together in bed.
Levi didn't do preambles or big speeches. He just told the truth.
"You're the only person in the world I ever would've married. Uh. You're the only completely good person I've ever known." Maybe the champagne had loosened his tongue a bit, or maybe being annoyed at Hange made him less self conscious. "Um. You're the only woman I'll ever love. You're one of the only people ever saved me."
Erwin. The face haunted him like a ghost these days. Levi let the image die.
"So…I don't want you to ever die." He could see the shine of tears in her eyes. "So don't." She gave a little smile. "I want a bunch of lives with you. Because you made me a good man. Because you're the perfect woman. There. Done."
He looked around the table and, to his horror, saw all the women and Pieter were on the verge of tears.
"Oh, Levi." Petra kissed him. He didn't mind, but with all these people watching? Shit.
"I know that feeling." Hange sniffed and looked away at the band. She gave a sad smile. Pieck. The girl's face must haunt the woman everywhere. Maybe like Erwin still haunted Levi.
Well. Not just like.
Ingrid and Pieter had their arms around each other and beamed at their daughter and son in law.
Fuck. Attention. He hated that shit. Levi wanted to tell them all to stop fucking looking at him. But the delight in Petra's face hypnotized him. If she looked at him like he was a hero, he could believe he was one.
Same way Erwin had told him he was a hero…
Stop thinking about him.
He briefly noticed that Willy and Giulia were both looking down at the floor and away from each other. Giulia seemed lost in thought.
The rest of the dinner passed. Soon they got to leave the loud restaurant and all the fancy assholes eyeing them. The king and queen of Marley, after all, demanded attention wherever they went. As Levi rode the elevator down with Petra later, his wife holding onto his arm, he thought of another king. Far away across the sea. What was Erwin thinking as the clock ticked away every last second of his life? Thoughts like that could put anyone in a sour mood.
But when he was alone with Petra in a swank hotel room, and when he held her and kissed her, undressed her, lay with her in a silk-sheeted bed and entered her, afterwards relaxed in her arms as she laughed and told him breathlessly how she loved him, thoughts of Erwin mercifully faded.
860
"Okay, Papa. Watch!"
Levi waited to the side of the gym, watching as his daughter, her long black hair in a ponytail, began pounding the shit out of a punching bag. The bag swayed violently with every one of Kuchel's jabs, and the kid hadn't even broken a sweat. She got so into it that the bag started to creak on its hook. Uh oh.
"Kuchel, don't—"
He winced as the bag exploded and millions of little pellets sprayed through the air and rolled across the ground. His daughter winced.
"Oops. Sorry, Papa."
"Eh, it's okay. You gotta know how to rein it in, though." He went to the nine-year-old and hugged her against his side. His baby was almost as tall as his shoulder now. He prayed Kuchel would be a midget, too, and never outgrow him. Frankly, he wished she'd stop growing. Years passed in the blink of an eye now. His child was one of the most popular kids in her class. Everyone wanted her as their friend, or on their team during recess.
Made sense. She was stronger than the toughest gym teacher.
Thankfully, Kuchel had never hurt anyone when playing with them, but mastering herself was crucial. Levi would not teach her as Kenny had taught him; he would wait to show Kuchel how to handle weapons in a year or two, when she was more solid.
He hated the thought of that beaming little girl ever facing down an enemy, knife in her hand. But he had to teach her. The world was violent enough.
"Why can't we do these lessons with Oruo?" she asked as the Ackermans walked off the mat and a beleagured gym assistant came to clean up the bag's remains. Levi'd have to pay for that.
"Because he's not awakened like you and me."
"Why not? Can't we wake him up?" Kuchel pouted. She wanted her little brother to do everything with her.
"Er, something really bad has to happen to you in order to wake up. You have to be so scared you think you could die. It's not something you choose to do to a four year old."
Kuchel had been four when she awoke, but that'd been by accident. Plus, Oruo as a four year old with god-like power…kind of concerned Levi. The kid was already willful to the point of obstinacy, and he was a grouch.
Just like me. Levi always smiled when he looked on the feral little boy. Oruo was tougher than Levi had been as a child. Kenny had beaten strength into Levi; Oruo had it naturally in spades.
But hopefully his Ackerman powers could wait a while.
Though if Oruo awoke, Levi would never have to worry about Erwin potentially involving the kid in some Founder related plot…
"Oi. Gonna have a special guest when you get home," Levi said as Kuchel grabbed her little pink gym bag.
"Who? Who?" She bounced. "Uncle Erwin?"
Levi tried not to frown. Kuchel still loved her "uncle" no matter what happened. Ah well.
"Nope. You'll see."
When they opened the apartment door, Kuchel screamed and jumped up and down.
"Misa! Misa!"
"Mikasa," Levi grumbled. Time for Kuchel to get names right. The little girl dropped her bag and launched onto Mikasa, who was seated in the living room having tea with Petra. Mikasa got up and hugged Kuchel, smiling.
"Hello, Kuchel." Her voice was still soft after all these years. Levi stood in the doorway and regarded the girl—no, the woman. His cousin was dressed in sedate Marleyan clothes, but he saw her Hizuran sword hung on a peg beside her coat. Always went around armed. Smart lady.
Mikasa was twenty-five now, truly a woman. Her face had lost some of its babyish roundness. Her hair was still styled short. She looked tired around the eyes, even when she smiled.
Once Erwin had been sent back home into exile, Petra had gone to Hizuru to see Mikasa and tell her what had become of Eren. When his wife returned home, she looked very sad. Apparently Mikasa had refused to believe it and sobbed bitterly for hours. When she was done, she'd simply sat there, an empty husk while Petra hugged her.
'I knew he was gone,' the girl had said. 'I couldn't feel him anymore. But I hoped I was wrong.'
Now, the girl was in control of herself. Levi had to admit, he was impressed with the brat.
"Wassat? Who da in hew?" Oruo trundled down the hall, then sneered when he saw Kuchel. "Ahh. She back."
Hopefully one day Oruo would forgive his sister for the dress thing. Petra kept saying he couldn't remember, but Levi didn't think that was true.
"Oi." He picked his son up under the arms and swung him through the air. "Don't pull a face."
Oruo giggled, the rare little boy sound. He kicked as Levi put him back on the floor. Oruo stood on Levi's feet as his father walked him to the room. Eh, Levi didn't mind. Kid wouldn't be this size forever. Oruo immediately raced to his mother and launched himself into Petra's lap. She hugged him and smiled at Levi, who sat beside her on the couch and put his arm around her shoulders. Meanwhile, Kuchel sat with Mikasa, who was admiring her tiny cousin's growth.
"You're so big now," Mikasa marveled. Kuchel giggled.
"I'm gonna be reeeeeal tall someday! As tall as Papa!"
Bless that perfect child. She thought he was a big man. Levi had to fight a weird surge of emotion.
"Mikasa was just telling me she'll be in Marley for a few weeks. Kiyomi wants her to take part in Willy's negotiations."
Right. The annual meet-and-greet with conquered nations. Erwin never came to these any longer, but Mikasa as Hizuru's representative was big shit. Kid must be impressive back in Hizuru.
"Any plans to move here? Or to Paradis?" Levi asked.
Mikasa took up her teacup. "No. Now that Eren's gone, there's no home for me to go back to," she said softly. "Kiyomi and the Azumabito have given me a place."
"You know you can always be here with us," Petra said gently. Levi tried not to flinch. They only had so much damn space.
"Yeah, yeah!" Kuchel hugged Mikasa's waist. Mikasa stroked the child's hair.
"I feel like I know who I am in Hizuru. It's where part of my family came from. Paradis is where my other family lived. But I don't have that here in Marley. You're all my family," she added quickly. "But I need something…"
"More solid," Petra finished. Mikasa nodded in relief at the understanding.
"Well. Glad you'll be in on these shit conferences," Levi said.
"Bad word," Kuchel sang. Oruo pouted.
"Tish," he said. "Tish!"
Ah. He was trying to say shit. Atta boy.
"Please control your language," Petra said, glaring at him. Levi only trailed his thumb up the back of her neck, making her shiver. Heh.
"But tonight," Levi continued, "you gotta come with us. Oruo has a preschool play."
Petra nudged his ribs. Her eyes widened. Smile when you say that, her glance said.
"Oh." Mikasa looked nonplussed. "I've never seen one before. That sounds nice."
"What is this?" Mikasa whispered. She was crammed in a folding chair next to Levi, who was next to Petra, who was next to Kuchel who was next to Ingrid and so on and on and on.
"Hell," Levi answered. Petra elbowed him again. He was tempted to snap her bra strap, but felt like that might be a little too juvenile for a children's play.
They were stuffed into a smelly gymnasium, all seated on these shitty plastic chairs while on the stage ahead their adorable, snot-nosed brats danced and sang like lobotomy patients.
The teacher gently corralled the kids, and read the "story" to the audience as the tots tried to display decent motor skills.
"One day," the teacher read, her voice cloyingly sweet, "the little bunny came to a big field of beautiful sunflowers!"
Some girl hopped onstage in a bunny costume. Levi wanted to die.
"Here he comes," Petra whispered.
The sunflowers all trudged onstage. They stood front and center, and most of the kids pretended to sway in the wind, or else gazed ahead in open-mouthed stupor.
Except Oruo. Oruo was the world's angriest sunflower.
His son was dressed in little green pajamas with a big poofy sunflower affixed to his head. He crossed his arms and glowered at the audience, hating them for forcing him to be here.
Mikasa and Levi began to cough; both were trying not to laugh. Petra shot them both a dirty look.
"The little bunny stopped to smell the beautiful sunflowers!" the teacher said.
The little girl hopped from one student to the next, sticking her face in every one of theirs. Scintillatng drama. But then the bunny got to Oruo.
Oruo squirmed away from her, all but falling over to make sure she didn't bring her face anywhere near his.
"Oh dear. That's Annabeth," Petra sighed. Right. Some kid in preschool who was a shit to Oruo. Of course she got to be the star. Levi glared at the bratty kid as she kept picking on his son. Girl was a full head taller than Oruo. She gripped Oruo by his shirt and shoved her face into his, even as he wriggled to the floor. The audience tittered.
Levi frowned.
Then Oruo gave some kind of yelp, and the bitchy bunny hopped away. Levi almost stood up.
"What happened?" Petra hissed. Levi watched his son get to his feet, wiping something off of his cheek.
The girl had either spit on him or licked him.
Either way, Levi knew there was no stopping what came next.
With a shattering roar, Oruo chased after the dumb bunny and leapt on top of her. As the sunflowers screamed and cried, the bunny and Oruo-sunflower rolled across the stage, biting and kicking. Oruo got up and chased Annabeth as she went around and around, screeching bloody murder until she ducked to the left and tripped him. That little bitch! Great coordination for a four year old, but still!
Oruo splatted on his belly. Annabeth stood over him, hands on her bunny hips. She looked smug. Levi frowned deeper. By now, half the parents were on their feet, collectiong their sobbing flowers as they fled the stage. A couple of cardboard trees fell over. The teacher was flailing, trying to figure out what to do next.
And Oruo got up. He faced his bunny oppressor. He sneered.
Annabeth screamed as he launched himself onto her. He caught her when she tried to run away, and yanked her to earth. The kid landed on her belly, and Oruo quickly sat on top of her back. The winner. The dominant one.
Oruo roared his sunflower triumph as the entire auditorium became utter chaos. Petra raced up to get her child. Levi and Mikasa were now both smiling.
"That's my son," he said proudly.
Something else collapsed backstage. It sounded heavy.
861
Erwin felt the other man shudder against him, around him. Philippe gave a rending cry as he finished upon the sheets. The sensation sent Erwin over the edge, and he groaned against Philippe's bare shoulder as he finished. As he spiraled down from the delicious high, he lightly bit then kissed that soft space where neck and shoulder met.
"Did you always know?" Philippe asked, after they had cleaned up. He was lying against Erwin's bare chest. Erwin closed his eyes in sated contentment.
"Know what?"
"That you were bisexual?"
The king made a dismissive noise. "Funny enough, I never considered that. Well, I suppose that these "interludes" of ours indicate such a predilection."
Philippe chuckled. The sound sent the hairs on Erwin's neck standing up straight. The man had a husky, cigarette-stained voice. It was gravelly enough to remind Erwin of—
"Then did you always know you wanted to fuck him?"
Erwin's eyes opened. He stared at the ceiling; a muscle twitched in his jaw.
"I assume you mean—"
"You still call me 'Levi' now and again." Philippe squeezed Erwin's cock, which began to twitch. He frowned; this wasn't the time for arousal. "Is that what drives you crazy? That you can't have him?"
"I…" Erwin had not opened this particular door. For years he had seen it, bright red in his mind, but he had never wanted to glimpse the other side. Perhaps he would not like what he discovered. But Philippe's words were a tug on the brain; he had turned the knob and opened that door. "I don't want to sleep with him," Erwin said.
Philippe snorted. "Daddy, that is some bullshit."
Erwin gripped the young man's black hair, but not too hard. Philippe gave him that insolent smirk. So much like—
"Levi was mine," Erwin said quietly. "I found him underground. He was like some diamond I excavated. A diamond in the rough. I shaped his life and destiny. I depended on him. No." He sighed. "We depended on each other. At first, when Petra came into his life, I was simply jealous of his stolen attention. But I was over that in mere days." It was true. Erwin had brought the pair back together after they'd fallen apart. He had wanted to. "Perhaps this need to dominate him has always been within me. It's only surfaced at certain moments."
Yes. This desire, this spurned, upset feeling hadn't started with Petra. She'd only exacerbated it.
"And you want to dominate him like this?" Philippe whispered, his teeth grazing Erwin's earlobe. Insolent fellow. Erwin smiled.
He liked the fight. It made the conquest sweeter.
"When I fuck you, I'm not fucking him. I'm controlling him. Possessing him."
"Hmm. I sorta get what you mean." Philippe propped up on his elbows and arched his back. His perfectly sculpted ass was begging to be touched. Or struck. "But you don't get hard just from an idea." He gave that smug grin. "Very hard."
Erwin chuckled, then pulled the young man down into his embrace.
"Then maybe that's just you," he whispered against the other man's lips. They kissed, and as they kissed Erwin again believed that he was holding Levi down, keeping him locked here, in Erwin's orbit.
"We're opposites, then." Philippe rolled over. "We enjoy two kinds of dishes, but you prefer women and I prefer men." He shrugged. "That's very flattering for me. To be the one that makes you hungry."
Erwin sighed and closed his eyes again. He got relaxation from this he could not find with Brigitta.
"Are labels so important to you?"
"I like to know what things are. Who people are." Philippe cuddled against Erwin's side again. "Part of what happens when you grow up in a family like mine."
"Why? What happened?"
"I'm a whore," Philippe said conversationally. "Guess."
"You really do have a sharp tongue." Erwin kissed him, felt that tongue in his mouth. "And you think you can label people perfectly?"
"I saw your captain a few times. My "twin"," Philippe drawled. He smirked. "I think he's more complicated than you believe."
"How so?" Why did Erwin's heart begin to beat faster?
"That is not a man who hunts for pussy," Philippe said. "He probably barely even knows other people exist. He's the type who loves whoever he loves, however he loves them. I don't think it'd ever matter to him if the person he loved was a man, woman, neither, whatever. I don't know a lot about him, but I would bet money that guy never thinks about this shit. But he should. Because," he said, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling, "he clearly loves that wife of his. He's in love with her. But he's in love with you, too."
"Not anymore." Erwin felt dizzy. Philippe snorted.
"You never really fall out of love with someone. Believe me." He glanced at Erwin. "I know." Philippe stretched and sighed. "I don't think 'in love' has only one meaning, you know. I don't know if he's in love with you the way he is with his wife. But he's in love with you. And I'll bet the poor bastard doesn't know how to begin to think about it."
Erwin rubbed his forehead. He felt confused, and subtly thrilled. He was horny again all of a sudden. He kissed Philippe, then looked to the other side of the bed.
Brigitta lay on her side, her bare back exposed to him. The three of them had enjoyed a very eventful night. Erwin did know how fucked up it was that he had fucked her as her sister, and also fucked a proxy of her sister's husband. But time was running out. His scholars were researching every single day, looking for a cure for his curse. But he had two years and some change left.
He needed answers now. And in the meantime, he scratched every itch he felt. No time for indulgence when you're dead. Though he would not die.
"Are you awake?" he asked. Brigitta stirred and sat up. It was obvious she'd been awake for some time.
"I'll go check on Siegfried," she said. Her voice was muted. Her eyes looked empty as she took up her robe and belted it as she left. Erwin shook his head. This last year she'd been getting rowdy. She was nearing thirty, she needed to know when they were getting the Founder back, what if Erwin died, and so on. They'd started spending more and more time apart. Which was fine. They didn't have to be in love for her to bear his children. They just needed an agreement.
He had buried love with Marie out in the royal graveyard.
"Now." Erwin looked down on the younger man and his smug mouth. He kissed that mouth. "Where were we?"
Petra held Giulia's hand tightly. So strange, to think that she'd be comforting this woman. But it had been about nine years since they first met.
Cassius was thirteen now. And Clara's War Hammer term was at its very end.
The two women stood with Willy and Levi in an observation deck, much like the one in Liberio where they'd watched Connie and Floch take on both their titans.
Willy made a noise when his sister was led through a door and up the stairs. He looked ready to throw open the door and run down to stop it when the attendants chained her wrists to the posts. Clara was calm and resigned. She'd been coughing up blood more and more these days. She was ready to move on.
Hange had spent years trying to develop a proper serum, but it never worked out. The Curse of Ymir seemed indestructible, whatever it was.
'I think the cells just finally give up,' Hange had said to Petra once over coffee. 'Shifters shouldn't exist in nature. Their bodies just break down; nothing to do about that.'
And in thirteen years, a twenty-six year old Cassius would be ready to die. Giulia was breathing rapidly now. Petra put her arm around the woman.
If it were Kuchel, or Oruo. Armin…
"Stay cool," Levi said to Willy. The king had spent an hour speaking with his sister. But Petra knew that no matter how much time you got, it was never enough. How do you say goodbye to someone who's still healthy, still sitting there talking to you?
The attendants left. Another door opened, and Cassius entered. He was dressed in that white smock, and held a syringe. He was already crying as he gazed up at his aunt.
Petra's stomach dropped to her feet.
The red light started flashing. It was dangerous to leave the room now.
Cassius looked quite a bit like Willy, a gangly boy of thirteen just growing into his adolescence. He still looked so much like a child, was a child. The boy wept as he stared up at his aunt. Who would want to do this? Kill someone they loved, devour someone who had raised them?
"It's all right, Cassius."
Clara's voice was hoarse. Petra had never been able to become friendly with the woman again, and she would regret that forever. Clara had become more and more withdrawn over the years. It had not been much of a life. And now it was over.
"Stop him. Stop him, stop him, stop it!" Giulia wailed. She tore from Petra's embrace and clung to Willy, shaking him. Her husband only held her, looking at her with empty eyes.
And then the fierce, sudden blast of lightning. The roar of a beast where Cassius had once stood. Petra watched in horror as the titan ripped Clara from her chains, lifted her to its mouth, and bit her in half.
Giulia was screaming, her face pressed to Willy's shoulder just so she didn't have to watch. Petra put a hand to her mouth as the titan collapsed and the nape of its neck began to open. When Cassius had reemerged, shirtless, the red light went off and a medical team came in, placing the boy on a stretcher and wheeling him out for care and observation.
Willy stared at the empty platform where his sister had once stood. And then Petra saw that his eyes were full of tears.
To her astonishment, the Tyburs clung to each other and cried, Giulia openly, Willy silently. Levi took Petra's arm, and they left the couple. The door shut behind them and they walked a few feet down the hall before stopping. Petra leaned her forehead against the wall, and Levi slumped beside her.
"The kid's clock is running down starting now," he muttered.
"Giulia will be okay. Once she sees him again." Petra wiped her eyes.
"But every day she'll look at him and now it's one day less she'll ever have." Levi looked at the floor, his gray-streaked hair hanging in his eyes. She read the tightness of his mouth and jaw. He was furious. Coldly, quietly furious. "He didn't ever offer to do it himself."
"What?"
"Willy." Levi glowered at the closed door. "He let his own son go through all that, and he stood there and watched."
Petra kissed his shoulder.
"The world needs Willy," she said. "He can't die in thirteen years. Millions depend on it."
"If it were one of our kids, I don't care if the universe'd fucking implode without me," he replied. "I'd step in." And Petra knew he was telling the truth. Levi did not just love. What he loved, he protected.
"I want to go home and see the children," she whispered. He hugged her around the neck.
"Yeah. Yeah."
When they got home, Kuchel wanted to go to the park. At ten years old, she was fast approaching the age when she might not want a whole day with Mom and Dad, so they were happy to oblige. Oruo came along, his hair in disarray. Unlike Levi, Oruo had wild, almost spiky hair. Maybe it would calm down in time, but it made him look even more like a feral child. Petra smiled at her son.
At the playground, the swings were empty. Oruo climbed into one, and Petra started pushing him. She watched his little five-year-old body as it arced up and down through the air. Such a fragile little guy. Everyone she loved was a frail bundle of blood and nerves and bones.
"Papa? Push me?" Kuchel plopped down in a swing next to Oruo.
"Sure," he said. Levi pushed Kuchel, and Petra pushed Oruo. They watched their children as Kuchel laughed and Oruo made explosion sounds with his mouth. Petra grinned, the two of them so alike and yet so utterly different.
When she turned to say something to Levi, Petra quickly looked away. He wouldn't want her to see; he'd deny it vehemently if she brought it up. But she had seen it.
His eyes had been shining with tears as he watched his children.
862
"Night, sweetheart." Levi sat at the side of Kuchel's bed. She smiled up at him, dressed in her purple pajamas. She'd begun to refuse nightgowns, saying that no girls at slumber parties ever wore them. Petra had said that the trials of adolescence were about to begin. Levi though, hey. The kid was only eleven. Not just yet.
How had it happened? It seemed like almost a decade had blown past in a single minute. It felt like just yesterday he'd toasted Erwin's defeat with Hange and Petra. Two days ago, it'd been Kuchel's fifth birthday.
At least she still slept with her stuffed bear. The day she stopped doing that Levi's heart would break.
"Night, Papa." She smiled as he kissed her cheek. "Are we going to train tomorrow?"
"Sure you don't have any playdates with your friends?" he asked, though he was secretly thrilled that she seemed happy at the idea of spending the day with him.
"Bernadette's got an ice cream party, but that's at two o'clock. Mama said there'll be time." She kept smiling that happy smile. He wanted her to be this happy the rest of her life. He'd die to keep her that way.
"Sounds good. Don't wanna miss ice cream."
"Maybe they'd have some tea ice cream." She giggled. "You'd like that."
He tweaked her nose. "Know me too well, you brat. Get some sleep."
He flipped off the light as he headed out and shut the door all the way. Kuchel wasn't afraid of the dark.
He walked down the hall and opened Oruo's door. Unlike Kuchel's room, which was painted white with pink-striped curtains and fluffy toys everywhere, Oruo had about a million toy soldiers spread all over the floor. There'd been another battle today, absolute carnage. The sight of the mess made Levi's vision double.
"Oi. You don't get to listen to any radio programs tomorrow until this room is picked up. Got it?"
"Yes, Papa," Oruo grumbled. The kid dove into his bed and slid under the blankets. They had knights all over them. Oruo had wanted knights because they were the closest thing to soldiers the store had been selling.
Least the kid was consistent in his interests.
Six years old. What the hell?
Levi came and sat on the kid's bed. Oruo gazed up at him in slight defiance. Levi grinned, and kissed his son's forehead. Oruo made a 'yuck' sound and wiped it away. But then he sat up and threw his wiry little arms around Levi.
"Night, Papa." Then, almost a grumble, "Love you."
"Love you too, little man."
It had gotten easier these last six years to say that he loved his children. That he loved his wife. That he loved.
Levi turned off the light and shut the door. Then he went to his own bedroom to find Petra under the covers, reading some new romance book. She grinned as he undressed and got into bed beside her.
"The kids okay?" She looked back at her book.
"Fine." He studied his wife's face.
Thirty-two years old. The first faint lines had started appearing at the corners of her eyes. That just made her sexier to him. Everything about her was sexier than it had been the day before. Levi embraced her. Petra nearly purred as she snuggled against his chest.
"What's this one about?" he whispered.
"It's a historical romance about a young Marleyan woman in the fourth century," she replied. "Lots of court masquerades and muskets."
"Nice." He kissed her cheek. "I don't know about masquerades, but I can get a gun if that turns you on."
She laughed, the corners of her eyes crinkling adorably. They kissed. Petra put her book down and held him close. Levi loved the thud of her heart against his. He loved the smell of her nightly lotion, rose oil and lavender. He loved the top of her head, with one or two telltale gray hairs starting to show. He would love her until they were both old and gray. He would love her forever.
"I love our life," she whispered. She rubbed noses with him. His whole body could've melted from just that touch.
"Somehow it turned out pretty decent."
"So hyperbolic. As always." She rolled her eyes. He lay her on the bed while she laughed helplessly.
"Hyperbolic. That a fancy word you found in a book?"
"Yes. A romance about a young woman and a surly, grouchy, grumpy captain who's her commanding officer and—" He stopped her mouth with his.
"Sounds like total bullshit," he said. They kissed again. He was getting a little excited, but then Petra broke apart for a minute.
"Next month it'll be one year until…"
Yeah. Erwin's term would be up.
"You want to know when you get to see the kid?" Damn that Erwin. He had total control of this one point. Petra had written letter after letter to him and never gotten a reply.
"I'm so afraid something's going to go wrong." She worried her lip. "I've never received a letter back from Armin. He'll be seven now, old enough to write. Or draw a picture. Anything."
"What's important is he gets those letters and presents from you. He knows his mother cares about him." Levi kissed her. "Erwin is a shit, but he keeps his promises. We should hear soon. Everything will be okay."
She sighed and relaxed her head on the pillow. "I have the most wonderful husband in the world," she marveled.
"Yeah. Guess you do."
They collapsed into each other's arms. They made love while their children slept securely, knowing they had parents who would do anything for them. This was going to be the rest of Levi's life. Wife, children, nosy in-laws. Birthdays, midwinters, anniversaries. Growing old and gray with his beloved.
And he would leave Erwin in the past. He would finally, totally be free.
There were more and more riots on Paradis these days.
Erwin stood by the eastern window and looked out on the graveyard. The garden beyond. The experiments with the babies had not yielded fruit. The mothers' sobbing…
He would never unhear it. And now the anger was growing on Paradis.
He never wanted to send the Guard and the shifters against his own people. But he did what he had to do to keep the peace. A strict curfew was now in place. There had had to be a few public executions to let people know they were serious. Painful, but it had to be done.
Erwin grew increasingly bitter these days. It was now entirely clear that the Founder was not on Paradis. It would be tricky to search the rest of the world's Eldian population.
If he wanted to do it, he needed to start now.
"Sire?"
His personal aide entered and bowed. She smiled.
"You asked to see me, Majesty?"
"Yes. I need to send a letter to Marley. To Petra Ackerman by way of Willy Tybur."
He thought of Siegfried. He thought of how that sweet boy's future dangled on the edge of a knife.
Yes. It was time.
It was time for Petra to meet her son again. And for the next and almost last piece of Erwin's plan to fall into place.