Chapter Eight: Like you Are
Emma wakes up the following morning, heat slaked and body aching.
She's had good sex before, and what she and Regina had, hadn't been good. It had been amazing!
Emma rolls over, wanting to get Regina's opinion on it, when she finds the side of the bed the alpha had been on, empty. Emma sits up, touching the covers there. They're cold. Regina has been gone a long time. Maybe she's downstairs? Emma hopes but as she pulls the sheets around her and stands up, she doesn't find Regina's clothing anywhere.
Still, not trying to lose hope, she goes downstairs and finds a meal, wrapped for her on the table with a note and a blue tablet on the note.
Make sure to eat something and take this pill.
That's it. No signature, no cute sign off. If Emma hadn't watched carefully as Regina took her notes, looping the l's and dotting her i's, Emma wouldn't have known this note was from her. Emma feels disappointment settle into her stomach. After all, what had she been expecting? They weren't dating or anything. They didn't even confess their feelings to one another.
Emma groans and rubs her forehead. This was going to be a mess. And it was all her stupid heat's fault. She had slept with Regina and not meant to. She's thrilled she did, because she loved it and it made her feel very connected to Regina, like no one ever before. But...but at the same time this was too soon. Emma hadn't planned for this to happen. Hormones just got in the way of things.
And now what did she do?
And what was the pill for?
She peered down at it but it was nameless. Was it a contraceptive?
Emma flushed as she realized she'd let Regina cum inside her. A lot. Probably a good idea to take this pill. In a way, it was very thoughtful of Regina to get all this for Emma. Still, it didn't quell the fear inside her stomach rising about confronting Regina about what this all meant for them. Where did they go from here?
Any joy Emma might have felt from their coupling was put on the back burner. It wasn't even guaranteed that Regina felt that way for Emma. Sometimes omega hormones could drive alpha's crazy, even if there was no attraction between the two. But surely, even if Regina wasn't attracted to her, then it wouldn't cause her sexuality to shift. Which meant, that Emma now had proof that Regina was attracted to women.
Regina was gay. At least one of Emma's crushes finally was.
Which meant Emma might actually have a chance with her. But, had that one chance been ruined last night?
Stressed, Emma ate the meal Regina had made for her and then took the pill. She swallowed it dry before going back to bed to sleep away her feelings.
Regina had given her virginity to Emma. And Emma had given hers to Regina, (Regina was assuming, seeing as Emma's hymen had very much been there- but then again, what did it matter?)
The fact remained they had sex.
World destroying, mind melting, sex.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Regina thought she had been more mature. More responsible than other alphas. But she wasn't. She fell prey to her hormones. And she had done something so dumb as sleeping with Emma without protection and while Emma was vulnerable. Regina couldn't regret how special and amazing it had felt to give Emma her knot but she did regret doing it when they were both in the thrall of pheromones and biology as opposed to their own minds.
Would Emma hate her for this?
It didn't matter. It couldn't happen again.
It was never meant to happen in the first place.
Regina would have to make it very clear to Emma when the omega came back to school that this couldn't happen ever again.
For right now, Regina had to get her shit together before school started. Luckily, it was six in the morning, which meant she had two hours to try to get her life on track like Emma hadn't just rocked it last night. Regina showered, ate, and then attempted to finish up her homework which she hadn't done last night at all. Luckily for her, she was a student who liked to finish projects ahead of time, so she had most of her work already completed, she merely need to do some light editing. But even as she tried to focus deeply on her work, thoughts of Emma assailed her. Was she alright? What did she think of all this? Did she take the pill?
Regina's hand itched to text her but she refrained from doing so. She had no idea how to go about this situation and she was in no rush to do so. God, school was going to be so awkward today.
And she was right. She attempted to act with as much decorum as she could but she could not avoid Emma for long. The girl cornered her after school, right in the hallway. Luckily, it was empty, so their conversation wouldn't be overheard. Regina looked on in dread as Emma approached her. Emma seemed to sense this, because her smile at seeing Regina dropped.
"Don't tell me you're going to avoid me," she started preemptively and Regina defensively bristled.
"I will not."
"Good," Emma nodded her head, hands in the back pockets of her jeans. "Because we need to talk."
Ah, just what Regina dreaded. Mother had always said to face situations head on and bravely but that was something Regina found hard to do in this situation only because she'd never had something so intimate thrown out there. She had always been closely guarded but now Emma...Emma had seen Regina in her most private moment. Had seen her in her most vulnerable moment. When Regina doesn't say anything, Emma speaks up.
"Now what," Emma asks.
"What do you mean?" Regina asked.
"We had sex, Regina. Multiple times. It kinda means something whether you want it to or not."
Regina winced, reminded of her failure to control herself, and looked away. "It means nothing," she mumbled from the corner of her mouth.
"Seriously?" Emma says after a long awkward beat in which she realizes yes, that was exactly what Regina said and Emma hadn't misheard. "You're going to pull this shit? I expected more out of you."
Regina is bristling with anger, pushed into discomfort by this situation. "What do you want me to do? Suddenly propose to you? It was a mistake us having sex!"
Emma rears back, hurt. But she's not done fighting. "A mistake you made several times, Regina. However much you want to deny this, you feel something for me. Something more than what your hormones are telling you. And it's fucked up that you're trying to make this into nothing."
"Because it should have never happened!" Regina hisses out. "I don't have time to be in love."
The phrase bursts out of her mouth before she can stop herself and she clamps a hand to her mouth. But it's true. She's in love with Emma Swan.
Emma is as startled by Regina to hear this. "You...love me?"
Regina backpedals, panicking. "That's not what I-"
"Fuck you Regina Mills for being a coward!" Emma bursts out. Hadn't the night together meant anything? How could Regina be so cruel? So heartless. Emma could feel her heart shatter in her chest. Regina clearly liked her, but was going to not do anything about it. "Don't we both deserve to be happy? Stop trying to push us away!"
"You don't understand a damn thing, do you, Emma," Regina sneers, easily riled up. "This wasn't meant to happen. So what if I like you, I was never going to act on it."
"And why the hell not? I like you too, if it's not fucking obvious at this point with the way I put up with your constant bullshit."
"You don't understand," Regina hissed once more, and then rushed off.
"Maybe I would if you talked to me like a normal person would!" Emma screamed after her. But Regina didn't turn back around. With a growl of anger, Emma kicked the trash can next to her.
Ruby takes one look at Emma's face and knows something's wrong. "Oh, sweetie. What happened?" she asks, leading Emma to the couch in her house. It's the weekend, two days after Regina basically fucking broke Emma's heart. The blonde plops down heavily, like she's carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.
"It's...Regina."
"What did she do this time?" Ruby asks, popping into the kitchen to get some beers for them. Her grandmother is sleeping upstairs, so they can't be too loud.
Emma didn't even know how to begin this. She opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again. "She fucked me," she settles on at last, Ruby taking a swig of her bitter beer. Emma can't even taste the bitterness because she feels more bitter than the beer.
"Did she say something rude? Expose you? Make fun of you-"
"No," Emma gave Ruby a deadpan look. "She literally fucked me."
Ruby just stares at Emma for a good while. "No way," she breathes out at last, sitting down next to Emma's whose sinking deep into the cushions so she can just ignore all this.
"There's so much I just can't- I wow," Ruby chokes on her words. "Spill," she commands, entirely flabbergasted.
"It was because of my heat," Emma starts in a monotone voice. "I was stuck at home, riding it out and then Regina showed up. I don't know why or how- we really didn't get to talk much."
"Oh," Ruby said, hands going to her mouth. She knew where this was going. But she let Emma continue.
"And uh, well our pheromones kinda meshed and we slept together. Several times."
"Emma, normally I would be cheering for you. I really would. But having a first heat and mating on it...tell me you two were safe?"
Emma winced. "No, but she got me an after pill. She had at least enough sense to do that."
"God, this is a mess."
"I know."
"We need to figure this out."
"I know."
Ruby flops back, mimicking Emma's posture. "Shit. Well at least we know for sure she likes you," the brunette tried to inject some humor.
"Does she?" Emma poised, thinking back on how Regina confessed to liking her but also to not wanting to do anything about it. Such BS! Emma had longed to finally be liked back by one of her crushes and when she finally was, nothing would come out of it either.
"Did you talk to her after all this?"
"I did, but she said she doesn't want anything more to do with me."
"Emma, I'm so sorry to hear that," Ruby whispers and rubs her arm in comfort. Emma looks down, almost not seeing the floor for the tears in her eyes. "It's fine," she roughly says back. "It was never going to work out anyways."
"The fuck is your deal," Ruby spat and Regina jerked up from her seat, not having heard the leggy girl striding up behind her.
Regina blinks at her in shock as Ruby's spitting out curses in the library before classes can even start. "Excuse me?"
"Don't excuse me, you asshole. You know what you did." Ruby is full of righteous anger, hands on hips, glaring Regina down. Regina notes out of the corner of her eye that students are listening in and watching. She can't have this show down happen in public. She gets up.
"Where do you think you're going?" Ruby questions.
"Somewhere more private, unless you want everyone to know Emma's business too?"
Ruby complies with this and they go to the back of the library where it's empty. Regina crossed her arms over her chest. "What do you want?"
"What I want is for you to stop being a giant dick! You hurt Emma's feelings."
Regina squared her shoulders. "What happened between me and Miss Swan-"
"Stop that. Stop distancing her from you! You two fucked. Okay, it happens. But what's wrong of you to do is to pretend it never happened and to break her heart."
"I can't be with her. What part of that don't you understand-"
"The part where you clearly have feelings for her, otherwise a tight ass like you wouldn't sleep with her, and yet, you deny happiness to the both of you!" Ruby argued. "What are you so scared of?"
Regina looked away at this, a strand of her brown hair falling down and she reached up to push it back. "There's...a lot you don't know about me, Ruby. Or about my parents. I'm such a perfectionist because I'm not allowed to be any less." It hurt Regina to say this out loud but maybe once Ruby heard this, she would stop yelling. "And dating...even someone I like, is not in the picture. I'm not allowed to have that until I'm older."
"And you're just okay with it?" Ruby blusters out, shocked to hear this. "What parent wouldn't want their child to be happy? To feel loved and to be loved? Emma's an understanding person. If work is so important to you, than she won't bother you when she's busy. But at least allow her a chance. Allow yourselves a chance to be happy. To be together!"
Regina shook her head. "I don't have the luxury for that."
Ruby stepped in, face mean. "Then you better damn well make sure you do."
That sounded like a threat. Regina was instantly on the defensive. "Or what?"
"Or I'll let the whole school know you took advantage of Emma on her heat. That you're nothing, but one of those dirty low grade alphas even as you tote yourself as being better than everyone else."
Regina gasped. "You wouldn't- you can't just black mail me into a relationship!"
Ruby smirked. "Then you don't know me very well at all, do you." And she walked away, leaving Regina with an increasingly difficult situation on hand.
Regina decided she wouldn't let Ruby's black mail scare her off. Everyone knew of Regina's reputation. She was a good student and a good person. Surely they wouldn't believe Ruby's lies. Besides, it wasn't like Ruby had any physical proof.
But then again, Regina knew all too well how gossip hungry teens were and how they would lap up this besmirch of Regina's name eagerly. They would enjoy hearing the golden girl's downfall.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place, Regina opted for avoiding Ruby and Emma for now.
Regina was intent on ignoring Emma and everything to do with her, but she could not help the way her eyes would linger on Emma in the halls, or on her empty seat when it came time for tutoring. It was during one of these longing gazes that Emma saw Merida touching Emma. It was too intimate for a casual touch. Regina's alpha jealously flared up.
Who was that woman? Thinking she could just up and touch her omega like that? Before Regina could even comprehend it, she was striding angrily over, and jerking Emma away from Merida without explanation.
"Ouch, what the fuck?" Emma wriggled free from Regina's tight hold as the brunette dragged her to the staircase. Regina let go with a gasp when she realized what she had done. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"Mean to what? Did you get jealous seeing me with Merida?"
Regina didn't answer the accusation, embarrassed by her own actions.
"Regina, you can't do this! You can't reject me and then get mad when I'm trying to move on!" Emma exclaimed. "Make up your mind. What do you want?!"
Regina was taken aback by Emma's anger. Her heart hurt, pounding dreadfully in her chest. Seeing Merida touching Emma. Laughing with her...had inspired such jealousy and hatred in Regina that she had almost lunged at Merida, wanting to punch her until she understood the message that Emma was Regina's.
The strength of those emotions left Regina breathless. She had never felt this way about anyone before and it was kinda scary. "You! I want you!" she blurted out, still on edge, chest heaving with barely restrained emotion. "I've never wanted anyone the way I want you, and it's so...so confusing," she confessed, Emma's face softening in light of those confessions.
"You do?" she asked softly. She was no stranger to be wanted by other women. But this was different. This wasn't just for a quick fuck. Emma and Regina had already slept together many times and it was entirely different from any other time Emma had had sex. There was a depth there. A deep care that Emma couldn't feel for others, or she hadn't felt from others for her.
Regina bit her bottom lip. She was mortified to say all this, but it hurt too much being away from Emma, especially when she knew how their bodies would sing when they were together. Not even in the intimate manner, but just being close by. "I do," she said softly. Ruby's threats be damned; the leggy brunette didn't need to resort to them when Regina resolve's caved in so easily.
"Then you can't treat me the way you do. If you like me you need to show me by dating me, properly," Emma insisted.
Regina's mouth flapped open and closed. "Emma, I would. But my mother and her expectations-"
"She doesn't have to know-"
"But she will, if we just date out in the open."
Emma narrowed her eyes. "Are you ashamed of me?"
Regina shook her head. "No, I'm not." Maybe at the beginning she had been a touch ashamed for liking someone who was below her status- but those were all just ideas ingrained into her head by her mother who told her Regina should always be dating up so she could make use of her mate's resources and use them for her own gains.
Regina didn't necessarily want that. She wanted to marry for love. For happiness.
"Then why-"
"Because, Emma," Regina ground out, as the bell for class rang over their heads. They were both going to be late. It probably didn't bother Emma as much as it did Regina. "My mother is not someone to be trifled with. We'll talk later about this," Regina added hastily and rushed off to class. Emma stood there, watching Regina go.
She knew Regina's mother was tough, but now, she began to wonder, was she abusive as well?