Almost every night, Siegfried dreamed of a woman with golden eyes. She hovered over him in a soft light and smiled. He liked that dream so much that he hated whenever he woke up and she was gone. He kept hearing her say over and over 'I want you to know that I love you.' Those words stayed with him even after he'd rubbed all the sleep from his eyes.
He had stopped asking Aunt Brigitta about the dreams. She'd get very upset if he asked about a woman with golden eyes.
This morning, Siegfried woke from the dream and sat up in his bed. His toys always looked sort of scary before the curtains were opened up; they sat on his shelves like monsters. Siegfried whimpered but didn't cry out. Papa kept telling him that he had to be a brave boy, and brave boys weren't scared of their toys.
Monsters. But Papa didn't believe Siegfried.
The bedroom door opened, and Aunt Brigitta came in. She opened the curtains and let in the sun. Siegfried was a very little boy, but he was good at watching people and knowing things about them from the way they looked or said a word. Auntie today was wearing her big, fake smile.
Because someone is coming to see me.
Siegfried's heart sped up when he thought the word: Mama.
Papa and Aunt Brigitta had only mentioned her a few times to him, and they always looked grouchy, like Siegfried should think she was bad. He had kept asking for pictures of her since he could remember, but he never got them.
So two weeks ago, when Papa told Siegfried that his mama was coming to see him, it had been like hearing that his favorite faerie tale character was going to step out of the book and talk to him. Siegfried had had to stop being so excited on the outside, though. It made Aunt Brigitta upset.
"Good morning, sweetheart." His aunt came and sat beside him. She gave him a big hug and kiss good morning. Siegfried loved his aunt, and smiled at her. "Now. What are we going to wear today? Hmm?"
Siegfried didn't say anything. She always had him wear what she liked best.
"How about the little blue suit that makes you look so handsome?" Auntie kissed his forehead.
"Okay!" He smiled, and she smiled. That was good. Auntie Brigitta picked out his clothes while Siegfried went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth and combed his hair just like she'd taught him. Then he dressed himself, but she had to watch and make sure he did all the buttons right, and got everything straight.
"You are such a handsome little man." Auntie sighed. She looked so happy. "Just like your Papa."
"Can I see Papa, Auntie?"
"May I see Papa."
"May I see Papa?"
She took his hand and walked with him down the palace hallway. All the servants stopped and bowed when they passed. Siegfried was a 'prince.' As it turned out, most children were not princes. He was special.
But special was sometimes a lonely feeling.
Papa sat at the breakfast table reading his paper. Papa loved his papers. Siegfried had often stared at papers very hard, trying to see what Papa liked about them so much. His father had laughed and patted Siegfried's head. You have to read what's on them, Siegfried.
"Good morning, Papa." Siegfried hoped that today would be a Good day.
Papa lowered the paper. He was smiling. It was a Good day!
"Hello, Siegfried."
On Good days, Papa picked him up and kissed his cheek and patted his head. On Good days, Papa played on the lawn with Siegfried and showed him how to swim. On Good days, Papa was his favorite person on earth.
But on Bad days, Papa yelled at everyone not to bother him and sometimes went around being very mad and ordering people around. Papa had more Bad than Good days, especially now.
But today was Good.
Papa lifted Siegfried into the air, the little boy giggling wildly as his father swung him high overhead. Papa plopped Siegfried on his lap and kissed the top of his head. He let Siegfried take some toast and put a lot of raspberry jam on it. His favorite.
"Today is a big day, isn't it?" Papa asked. Siegfried nodded, mouth full of jam. "Are you excited to see your mama?"
"I am!"
Siegfried noticed that Auntie looked really small and tired, but she couldn't say anything or yell at him when Papa was here. In fact, Papa stared at Auntie almost like he'd asked that question to her and not Siegfried. Grown ups were strange.
"When I see Mama, can I ask her anything?" Siegfried almost sucked his thumb because asking those types of questions could make Papa upset. But sucking his thumb could make Papa more upset.
"Of course you can." Papa ruffled his hair.
"Can I ask Mama…why I never seen her 'til now?"
"Why I have never seen her until now," Papa corrected gently. "Yes. You can ask that."
"And he may ask it?" Auntie said. She sounded upset. Uh oh.
"Yes. He may." Papa took a bite of toast.
Siegfried wished he could understand how clocks worked, because he wanted to know if it was almost time to go see Mama. He gave a big sigh as Papa finished his coffee and set him back on the floor.
"Now why don't you and Auntie go and read a story or play a game? They won't be here for a while yet."
Yes. They. Not just Mama, but Mama's husband and their kids. That's what Papa always called them, Mama's husband and their kids. Siegfried was pretty sure that if Mama had other kids than him, then those kids might be his brothers and sisters. They might play with him. The idea made him want to jump up and down.
Auntie walked down the hall, clutching his hand this time. When they returned to the nursery, she started angrily slamming drawers open and shut and rearranging books and toys on the shelves, even though there wasn't anything wrong with them. Siegfried got that flutter feeling in his stomach. She was Upset.
"I love you, Auntie." He'd learned that saying that usually made her less Upset. And it did calm her a little. But she was still making that 'sunken face' Siegfried called it.
"You can be a very selfish boy." She sounded ready to start crying. She'd gotten more and more Upset over the years Siegfried had known her, just as Papa had more and more Bad days. Siegfried cringed.
"I'm sorry," he said softly.
"I do everything I can for you." Slam. "I love you so much. More than anything." Slam. "And you always make me feel like I'm not good enough. I don't do enough for you. You really hurt my feelings. You can be a little brat!"
She almost shouted that last sentence, picking up Toby the Tiger and throwing him against the wall. Siegfried ran to get Toby, fussing over him. He almost cried. Poor Toby. That had to hurt. As always, Siegfried felt that sad little bubble come down around him. If only he could be a better boy, a nicer boy. If only he didn't make Auntie cry, maybe he'd be okay. But he should really stay away from people. He only ever seemed to make things worse.
Siegfried cuddled Toby. At least Toby never thought Siegfried was mean.
Auntie sniffed. Then she lifted him up under his arms and was hugging him so hard he thought his ribs would break.
"I love you so much." She was really crying now. That made Siegfried cry. She sat on the bed and rocked him. "You're the most important person in the world to me. You're the light of my whole life."
"I kn-know." He sniffled. Sometimes Auntie would calm down, and sometimes she'd really start screaming and crying. Siegfried had to say something to keep that from happening. "You're the best Auntie in the whole wide world," he said. He sometimes really did mean it. He loved her. He did.
Auntie covered his face in kisses and smiled. When she smiled, she looked all right. Not so sad.
"Remember. She left you behind." The smile faded. Siegfried's heart wilted, but he listened. "She left you and went away with her husband because she wanted him more than she wanted you."
If Siegfried could just be a good boy, his mother would have wanted him. But Siegfried just seemed to do everything wrong. He wished he could be as good as almost everyone else.
"Uh huh," he said.
"And she's never written to you before. Has she?"
No. Ever since he'd been three or four and found out that his mother was alive and not on Paradis, he'd prayed for letters from her. They never came. His heart sank further.
"Uh uh."
"She's your Mama. Of course you should love her, and she loves you." Auntie smoothed his hair. "But she doesn't love you as much as I do. Right?"
"Right," he said listlessly. She kissed the side of his head.
"Auntie is going to go get ready. Can you stay here and play like a good boy?"
A good boy. He'd try.
"Okay. I love you."
She beamed again and hugged him, then she left.
Siegfried had nothing much to do, and didn't feel like doing much. He dragged Toby by the tail as he opened one of the drawers Auntie had slammed shut and peeped. This one was full of his old baby clothes—she loved saving them. He poked at a couple of old onesies. He picked up a little gray sock. They must have lost the other. He'd never seen its mate. He shut the drawer, because looking at things didn't stop the emptiness inside.
Siegfried sat on his bed and hugged Toby. A couple of tears fell on the tiger's head, getting him all wet.
Petra clung to the railing and stared straight ahead as the island came into view. She had not been home in almost ten years. Already she could see the shining stretch of beach at the southern port. She could have bounced up and down with glee.
"How you feeling?" Levi came up behind her and hugged her around the waist.
"Scared. Excited." She leaned into his embrace. Levi's touch was all that could calm her in this world. "I want to see him so badly. I could scream. But."
But Petra's stomach cramped at the thought.
"You scared, brat?" he said softly. He nuzzled her cheek. She beamed, and kissed him.
"You are a sweet man," she whispered.
"Tch. Don't let it get around."
With his arms around her, Petra could do anything. Honestly, she wanted to jump off the railing and swim to shore, sure she could move faster than this boat. She wanted to see her baby.
But not a baby anymore.
I missed his first words. His first steps. I missed kissing him good night.
She took a deep breath to stop the tears. Soon she would be holding her little boy again.
What was Armin…Siegfried like now? Still that sweet, gentle little bundle she'd cuddled all those years ago?
She hoped so. Petra gazed lovingly at her other two children. Kuchel and Oruo stood next to each other fifteen feet away, talking about something. Kuchel was wearing her best outfit, a little blue and white puff of a child's dress. Oruo had somehow managed to look unkempt even in a perfectly starched shirt and trousers. She grinned as her son scratched his messy black hair. The only thing that set him apart from his father was that wild mop.
Oruo…
"We did the right thing bringing him, yeah?" she whispered.
"I'd be more anxious leaving him at home without me to protect him," Levi replied. Oruo was the last of the functioning royal Reiss blood, after all. He and Historia were Erwin's only two hopes for unlocking the Founder. But as long as Connie remained a secret agent, Erwin had nothing.
Petra still wondered what Connie and, by extension, Eren's plan was. But that could wait.
They were afraid of Erwin taking their son. Which was why they'd brought him on this boat…along with several smaller Hizuran cruisers. The boats flanked theirs, with Marleyan officers on board ready to fire if need be. The Ackermans would be safe today.
Petra fiddled with the clasp of her purse. Inside was the picture of Armin and the little sock. Her talismans. The only part of her baby she'd been able to cling to for years.
Every night she saw his little face so perfectly in her dreams. Petra trembled as Levi tightened his embrace.
"He's going to love you," Levi whispered.
Petra smiled. Armin would love her, and his siblings. His perfect, angelic siblings who—
"You're a butt!" Oruo snarled. He tried grappling with Kuchel, who was holding him off with one hand while giggling helplessly. Oruo's arms pinwheeled. He gave a cry that sounded more tortured wolverine than small boy.
"You're a butt's butt!" She laughed harder and raced away as Oruo charged after her, howling his rage. Kuchel sprinted far ahead, her Ackerman powers making her that much fleeter than her little brother. He screeched as he charged at her across the deck.
"Could you deal with that?" Petra asked faintly.
"I'll kill 'em both for you." Levi kissed her cheek and went to reprimand his insane children. Petra looked at the mainland as it grew larger. She gripped the railing so hard her hands ached. Home.
Paradis was home. She had missed the fields and forests, the mountains and the rivers. She had wanted her children to grow up out in the country, breathing clean air and riding horses. Away from all the politics and hardships.
Petra clutched her purse as the ship finally docked. Levi came over to her, gripping both of his children by the backs of their collars. Kuchel grumbled, and Oruo furiously tried to lick his father's hand.
"Stop it, both of you," Levi snapped. He let them go and gazed sternly at Kuchel. "You're the big sister. You need to be responsible today and not act like a brat."
Oruo grinned, delighted that Kuchel was in more trouble. Honestly, siblings.
"Sorry, Papa." Kuchel turned down her eyes and stuck out her lower lip. And Levi crumbled like a fortress made of sugar.
"Well. Just be a good girl." He gave her a squeeze. Oruo's eyes narrowed; not the execution he'd been hoping for. Petra sighed and patted his wild head.
The family walked down to the dock, flanked by Willy's soldiers. Petra fought against a sneer when she saw Floch Forster waiting below with his own entourage. The weasel wore a shit-eating grin. Petra instinctively wanted to put the children behind her. Almost like she was afraid he'd transform and eat them to be spiteful. Maybe she wasn't wrong.
"The king's sent his personal train car to take you to the capital. Lunch will be waiting when you arrive."
"Thanks, shithead," Levi said conversationally. Floch scowled. Petra tried not to snort.
"Papa, bad word." Kuchel tutted as she climbed into the waiting vehicle. The car would take them to the train, the train would take them to Mitras, and then…
My baby.
She thought of the little gray sock. How it would no longer fit Armin's little feet.
Petra's heart pounded and her stomach lurched as they got in the car and drove away.
Siegfried knew that big boys didn't cry, but he was having a really hard time. Papa and Auntie had started arguing about something in their room. He'd stood outside the door and listened when Auntie started shrieking and Papa finally shouted so loud it scared Siegfried. He ran away and played with Toby, pretending he hadn't heard anything.
Auntie was looking more and more Upset. Papa was starting to have a Bad day.
And Siegfried was going to meet his Mama who didn't want him anyway.
Siegfried wanted to be loved by someone who wasn't angry or sad all the time. But he knew in his sad way that everyone had to be angry and upset because of him.
'It's because of that brat,' he'd overheard one of the maids say one morning. He'd hidden out of sight. 'The king only started searching for some idiot cure because that little bastard was born. We wouldn't be like this today if she'd just scraped the little fucker out when she had the chance.'
Siegfried knew that even his being born had made everyone sad. Before Siegfried, people were happy. But now everyone was Upset. It was all his fault.
Siegfried liked nothing more than sitting on his own and imagining a whole world filled with people who wanted to be his friend. He was a hero in that world, someone who made everything better all the time. His Mama told him that he was the most important person to her. Papa was happy. All his toys cheered for him, and his friends lifted him on their shoulders and paraded him around. Sometimes the pretend world made him so happy that when he was done dreaming, it only made him sad.
But if he told Auntie about this, she'd be Upset.
And Siegfried had hurt everyone enough already.
Now Auntie and Papa were dressed in very nice clothes. They walked to the palace's front hall, Siegfried's hand in Auntie's. His tummy was sick. He was afraid Mama would come here, look at him, and go 'oh no. That's why I went away. I don't love him.'
Siegfried might die then. Wouldn't that be better for everyone if he did?
He had to fight the tears.
"Are you ready?" Papa patted his head. Siegfried looked up. At least he knew Papa loved him. Papa was happy to see him. When Papa was having a Good day, he and Siegfried had the most fun times. On those days, Siegfried felt like the happiest boy in the world.
"Can we go fishing again soon?" he asked Papa, who laughed.
"Of course we can, sweetheart."
Siegfried beamed. So did Auntie. But when they arrived at the front hall, she didn't look so happy anymore. There were servants all around them, and Papa looked kind of quiet-mad. Auntie shook her head and muttered something Siegfried didn't understand.
"We will not have this discussion here," Papa said softly.
"You spineless piece of—"
Before Auntie could finish, Papa cleared his throat and made a sharp move with his hand. Follow me, it said. They were going to yell about something again. They walked off, leaving Siegfried standing alone as he stared at the big front door. Soon Mama would be there, with the husband she loved more than Siegfried and the children she loved more than Siegfried. And they would look at Siegfried like he was a sad animal in the zoo, pet him, and then go home to be happy with each other.
They would leave him behind.
Suddenly, Siegfried didn't want to see Mama. He didn't want to see anyone. His throat and tummy hurt. While Papa and Auntie used shout-y voices, he turned around and fled down the palace hallway.
He wanted to be alone. At least alone, he wasn't making anyone else unhappy.
The cars pulled up before the palace's front steps. Petra stared out the window, unthinking, unhearing. Armin. Her baby. Soon she'd see him, hold him. Soon…
"Mama!"
Kuchel finally burst through Petra's fugue state.
"What, honey?"
"Will Armin remember me?"
Petra smiled. Her daughter was such a beam of sunshine. Kuchel's eyes were bright, her smile always full. Over the years, she'd kept asking about Armin. She drew pictures for Petra to send to her little brother.
"We left Paradis when he was a little baby. He won't remember any of us." She reached out and petted Kuchel's cheek. "But he'll be so excited when you tell him you're his big sister."
"I never met him," Oruo said flatly. Her son's eyes were half-lidded.
"No. You weren't born when we left home."
Her little boy looked out the other car window. "It's not as fun here as Valle," he said.
No. Oruo was a city boy. Levi had even told her one night that Oruo showed some of Kenny's exact proclivities. He had his great-uncle's inherent toughness and his love of tall buildings and fast action. Oruo wasn't a country mouse. Petra smiled and ruffled her son's hair. Oruo smiled at her, and snuggled against her arm. He was only ever a sweet little boy for his mother.
Levi chuckled and shook his head as the doors opened and the servants bowed the Ackermans from their car. Petra held Levi's hand, and put her hand on Oruo's back as they walked up the steps to the door. Kuchel bounded ahead of Levi, squealing with glee.
"Oi! Kuchel!"
But their daughter had seen someone. Someones.
"Uncle Erwin! Aunt Brigitta!" she shrieked.
There he was. King Erwin Smith stood just before the threshold, watching them with that cold, imperious gaze of his. Almost fifty, the lines in his face were now very apparent. His hair had gone almost entirely gray.
But the serious expression melted when he saw Kuchel. Erwin looked truly happy as he caught the little girl when she jumped into his arms.
"Hello, sweetheart." He hugged the child, set her on her feet, and stroked her hair. Erwin looked proud. Levi gritted his teeth.
"Kuchel." Brigitta threw her arms around the girl, kissed her and fussed over her as Petra approached.
"The fuck?" Levi whispered.
Petra stopped dead in her tracks. Brigitta was…
She had lost so much weight. Her cheeks and eyes were sunken. But more than that, her hair looked ratty. It had been ironed straight repeatedly, and had clearly been damaged as a result. And she'd colored it.
Red. Bright red.
Petra saw that her sister looked as much like her as possible. She almost fell to her knees and threw up, because now she understood exactly what had been happening these past years. The tense looks that Erwin and Brigitta exchanged only confirmed that story.
"That bastard," Levi breathed.
Armin. Find Armin.
"Stay calm," Petra said. They walked up to Erwin and Brigitta as Erwin spoke lovingly to Kuchel, asking her about friends and sports and school. Petra's happy little girl giggled as her parents and brother approached. Erwin stared down at Levi's son.
"This must be Oruo. Hello, young man."
Oruo clung to Petra's leg and actually growled. Levi looked insanely proud of his feral son.
"Erwin," he said. The king glanced at her husband, and in that moment it seemed that something immense passed between them. The two men had not seen each other in so long.
"Levi." In that word, Erwin put his scorn and his shame and his hope and his hatred.
"Gitta." Petra tried for a smile and a hug, but Brigitta only returned both reluctantly.
"Lunch should be ready on the south lawn. We thought the children would like it," Brigitta said stiffly. We. She sidled close to Erwin and slid her arm through his. The king paid no attention. Petra felt her heart fracture. She and her sister had always been close, whispering stories and secrets to one another in their shared childhood bedroom. She'd written to Brigitta over and over these long years. Never once had she heard back.
Petra made sure not to let the pain show.
"And where's—"
Petra looked down, waiting to find a little blond boy looking up at her. Instead, she saw nothing. No one. She frowned.
"Where is he?" She stared at Erwin in alarm. "Where's my son?"
Now she was demanding an answer.
"He's right here." Erwin looked down, then behind, and then he cursed. He turned cold eyes to Brigitta. "I thought you were managing him."
"He's seven years old! He can stand still for five minutes!" But Gitta looked worried as she turned back and walked deeper into the hall. "Siegfried? Siegfried?"
"Oi." Levi looked at the empty spot beside Petra, bewilderment on his face. "Where the fuck's Oruo?"
Oruo? Petra found that sometime in the last thirty seconds her feral little boy had slipped away from all of them. Unless…
"Did you take him?" she snapped at Erwin. Shit, had this all been a ruse? Maybe Armin wasn't even here. Maybe they'd brought Oruo as a sacrifice like a pair of fools. Erwin made an incredulous noise as Petra shoved her way into the palace and took off after Brigitta.
"Oruo?" she called. Her heart was loud in her ears. Not her two little boys. Where were they? Where were her sons?
Siegfried huddled in the corridor and cried. He hugged his knees to his chest, wanting to go sit in his room and read a story to Toby and his other animal friends. They would tell him that they loved him, that he was clever and good. We're glad your Mama had you, Siegfried. You make the world a better place, Toby would say.
Lies. But comforting lies.
Siegfried shivered, not wanting to see Mama or Papa or Auntie or anyone. He just wanted to not be a prince, or anything special. He felt the big, fat tears fall on his cheeks. They splashed on his trousers; Auntie would be Upset. They'd stain.
Two maids had walked by earlier. Seeing Siegfried alone, they did what they usually did when no one else was by and made faces at him, or scowled. There was one maid, the one with the funny face, who was always kind to Siegfried. He liked her. But the others would pinch him hard when no one was looking, or call him names. 'Your fault' they'd say. 'Wish you'd never been born.'
Apparently there were a lot of sad people on Paradis because of what Papa did. And he only did it for Siegfried's sake. That's what Auntie said.
Why couldn't I have not been born? He sniffled.
"Oi."
Siegfried was shocked by the sound. A boy. Another boy about his age. He looked up at someone standing before him, an untidy someone with black hair and sharp, pale eyes. The little boy's tie was on crooked, and his jacket looked like it was itchy on his body. Siegfried almost never got to play with other children, since Papa was so afraid of someone trying to hurt the prince. He gaped at this boy like he was some kind of strange, mythic creature from a storybook.
"H-H'lo," he replied.
"Why you crying?" The other little boy had a low, almost raspy voice. He narrowed his eyes. He was very little, maybe even younger than Siegfried, but he didn't seem afraid of anything. Like a grown up.
"B-Because I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Um. Uh, of the maids?" Siegfried rubbed his eyes. "'Cause they're mean to me."
"Why don't you punch 'em?" the kid asked. Siegfried was shocked.
"Huh?"
"When my Papa's mad at someone, he punches 'em." The boy swung his arm to serve as a point. "Bam."
"Oh. M-My Papa doesn't do that."
"What's yer name?"
"Siegfried. Siegfried Smith." Prince Siegfried Smith. "Who're you?"
"Oruo Ackerman." Oruo held out his arms on either side and walked in a careful line, almost like he was balancing on an invisible wire. "I'm from Marley. I got a sister. My Mama says we can get a dog next year if I'm good." He looked at Siegfried with smoldering pride. Bet you don't have a dog, the look said. "You got any sisters?"
"Um. I got a brother and sister," Siegfried said shyly, hoping the strange boy would not press him and find out Siegfried had never seen them before.
"Hmmph." Oruo scowled, then walked over to Siegfried. He balled up his little fist. "Papa says punch 'em when they're mean. S'the only way they'll stop."
"Okay." Siegfried didn't want to argue. He just marveled at this small boy, this bundle of energy and strength.
"My sister punches good." Oruo frowned deeper. He even growled a little. Siegfried had never heard a little boy growl before. Kind of scary. But cool.
"Do…" He summoned all his courage. "You wanna play?"
"Sure." Oruo shrugged, like he might as well. Siegfried's whole insides lit up with happiness. He'd never asked someone else to play before. "Wanna go find my sister? The grown ups were talking an' I got bored."
"Okay," Siegfried said quietly. He walked away with the smaller, snarly boy at his side. Siegfried smiled at Oruo, who walked straight ahead with his head tilted back and a gleam in his eye. 'I'll punch mean maids' that look said.
Siegfried didn't feel so afraid anymore.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
"Oruo?" Petra cried, now almost running. Levi shot past, having just snarled something at Erwin while the Marleyan soldiers and the king's guard faced each other. Erwin and Brigitta at the very least seemed equally as befuddled about Armin's location, which helped, but Petra would put nothing past that king. Erwin was the smartest man she had ever known…and the most treacherous.
She turned a corner and hurried past a couple of footmen, who flattened themselves against the walls to let her pass. Petra ran, turned a corner, ran, turned a corner, and—
There he was.
There they were.
She stopped dead to see her two sons walking side by side, Oruo his itchy-looking self, and Armin…
Siegfried. He was Siegfried. But to her he was still that little bundle. The precious baby she'd held in her arms for a few blissful weeks. She could still remember the sweetness of his gurgle, how he loved to snuggle against her, how he had laughed most when in her arms.
He was a proper little boy now. He was already taller than Oruo, and would probably grow to be very tall. For now, he had a round little face and fluffy golden hair. His nose would be large, and probably aquiline one day like Erwin's. But his eyes…
Were her eyes. He looked at her questioningly when Oruo grinned.
"Mama!"
Oruo ran over and hugged Petra as she sank to her knees on the carpet. She hugged Oruo tight while looking over his shoulder at the shy little boy. Armin…Siegfried…sidled away, looked at his shoes. He looked ready to blend in with the wallpaper or furniture. Her eyes welled up with tears.
My baby.
"Ar…" she whispered.
"Armin!"
Kuchel rushed past Petra with her arms open, joyous as she grabbed her little brother and held him. The boy made a frightened noise, and Kuchel let him go. Armin retreated, his little shoulders hunched, looking at Kuchel, at Oruo…at Petra.
"I…" he squeaked. "Um. I'm not…"
"It's me! Kuchel." The little girl simply could not believe that her brother wouldn't remember her, even though he'd been a month old when they parted. Kuchel still smiled, but became more subdued. She could tell he didn't recognize her, and a small crease of hurt formed in her forehead.
"Kuchel?"
"Wait. That's Armin?" Oruo rasped.
"I'm not Armin!"
"Shhhh. Kuchel, both of you, shhhh," Petra said. Kuchel came to her mother, who let go of Oruo and stood up. She approached Armin as she would a shy pony. The little boy looked at her with such fear. He seemed afraid of almost everything. What fears had he suffered since she'd left him behind?
Petra struggled not to cry as she gently sank before the child. Her heart throbbed; it was like the moment he'd been born all over again. She had loved him for years, but seeing him again now she might have cracked open her own chest and pulled out her heart to give to him. Her baby. Her precious, sweet little boy. She adored him with her eyes, while he looked at her warily.
"I'm Siegfried," he mumbled.
"Hello, Siegfried." Petra's throat was dry. "I'm…I'm your Mama."
He froze. He looked at her like a prey animal ready to hide from a predator.
"That's Kuchel and Oruo." She gestured behind her. "They're your sister and brother."
"Wh-Why she call me Armin?" The boy leaned away when Petra reached for him. Her soul cracked to see it.
"When you were born, I named you Armin." Levi had, technically, but now was not the time to be technical. "But your Papa wanted to name you Siegfried instead."
"Hmmm." He took a wary step away. Armin stared at her; he looked her right in the face. "You got golden eyes," he said quietly.
"So do you. We have the same eyes." She opened her arms again. "Baby, can I have a hug?"
She almost wept as she said it. And Armin still hesitated.
"Why'd you leave me?" he said to his shoes. "'Cause you didn't, didn't want me?"
His little voice quavered. Now Petra was crying. She tried to control it.
"Baby, I didn't want to leave you behind. I love you so, so much." She inched towards him. Her little baby. Her son. She'd dreamed of holding him every single night for seven years. She'd wanted to cry when she woke up without him every single day. "It's complicated. Grown ups are complicated. But I've thought about you all the time. You're one of the most precious things on earth to me."
Armin's chin wobbled, but still he shrank away. Sniffling, Petra yanked open her purse and took out the photo and sock. The picture had yellowed, and the edges had creased over time. There were a few red stains from when she'd kissed the photo while still wearing lipstick. She held them out to him.
"See? This is your baby picture. I look at it every single night before I go to bed. And I took this so I could remember you." She gestured with the sock.
Armin's eyes widened when he saw it. He approached and looked at it closer.
"That's the sock," he said softly.
"I've been waiting for this day for so long." Her voice broke. "I love you so much. My angel, I love you more than anything." She took a shuddering breath. "The night I had to leave you, I kissed your little nose. I said that I want you to know that I love you. I—"
Armin looked up in shock, and Petra saw the fear melt from his eyes. His little face beamed, was almost suffused with pure light.
"Mama!" He threw himself into her arms. Petra cried as she hugged him against her chest, her chin atop his head. She squeezed him so tight, covered his face with kisses, leaving little lipstick traces she'd have to wipe away. Armin cuddled against her, a look of pure bliss on his little face. Dimly, Petra was aware that the others had found them, that Levi and Erwin and Brigitta were standing by watching this reunion. She didn't care. As long as she had her little boy, she cared about nothing.
Kuchel knelt beside them, grinning at Armin. Oruo stood in front of mother and child, a look of quiet rage and shock on his face. Seeing his mother hug and adore another little boy had probably set off alarm bells in his head. Ah well. They'd deal with that, too. One step at a time.
Armin smelled like soap and jam. Petra cradled the little face, rubbed noses with him. Armin kept saying Mama over and over as they sat there and she squeezed him so tight. That beautiful connection that had formed between them from the moment he was born had been restored, as if it had always been there. As if they'd never been parted.
"My little angel." She hugged him so tight and rocked him, never minding she was sitting on the floor. "My sweet little boy."
"So. There you are," Levi said.
Her husband, Erwin, and Brigitta had found them. Armin snuggled up against her, looking at her with adoring eyes as Levi stood next to Petra. He helped her up, and then Armin looked at the dark, sullen man. He shrank a little bit.
"Uh. Are you Mama's husband?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah." Then Levi gave a rare, genuine smile. He crouched a bit and ruffled the boy's hair. "Tell you what. Why don't you call me Uncle Levi?"
Armin beamed. He went and gave Levi a gentle hug. Her husband looked a bit shocked, but patted the child's back. Levi's gaze softened.
"Tch. Man, you look just like your father."
"Yes," Erwin said. Everyone looked to the king. His gaze was unreadable; Brigitta appeared to be stewing.
"Papa, can I show Mama my room?" Armin bounced. Erwin smiled and hugged the boy to his side.
"Of course."
Petra took her son's hand and wandered down the hall with him. Kuchel and Oruo walked alongside, both babbling happily or angrily, depending on who you turned to. Levi and the others kept a small distance, giving Petra her time.
But just feeling her son's tiny hand in hers, seeing those big, sweet eyes, that delighted smile, was worth every bit of pain she'd ever suffered. Petra stroked his hair as he led her and his siblings around the palace.
He was a nice kid.
Levi watched against the wall as Petra sat on Armin's bed and talked to all his stuffed animals. There was Toby the Tiger, Petey the Bear, Gunther the Elephant, and so on. The boy looked so much like Erwin, but there was a tender uncertainty in him that the king had never displayed. Armin was soft in the best sense, a kind little thing. He politely let Kuchel and Oruo play with anything they wanted. Oruo kept staring murderously at the boy who'd taken his mother's attention, but they could figure that out over time.
I'm going to like this boy.
All anger Levi had felt towards the child had evaporated. He'd had years with his own children, and he knew how it had hurt Petra to be separated from the kid. Plus, Levi believed he'd just genuinely enjoy having this boy around.
Armin would remind him of Erwin. The Erwin he'd used to know. Next year they'd buy a house just outside of town, with a garden and dog. The kids would play together. Life would be good and quiet.
But Levi was a little worried about Brigitta. She hovered in Armin's doorway, staring at Petra with a wraith-like intensity. Levi edged closer to her.
"Good to see you," he said.
"Yes. You too." She didn't look at him.
"Petra and I wanted to thank you for doing so much for the kid." He had to be careful. Ingrid had told him Brigitta was almost unhinged about this. "He loves you a lot. You really saved the day."
"I did," she said quetly.
Levi cleared his throat. He hated this delicate shit.
"Next year, we hope you'll come back to Marley with him. With us. Your parents are there already, anyway. It'll be good for the kids to have you around. Ar—Siegfried especially."
"Thank you." She was terse. Still didn't look at him. Fuck it, he'd tried.
Erwin entered the room.
"Lunch is ready on the south lawn. We should go," he said. Petra left with the children, hugging Armin to her side. He giggled and beamed at whatever his mother said. Levi's heart softened further towards the child. He loved Petra. He had good taste.
Lunch was pretty good, cold ham and salad and ice cream for the kids. Petra and Armin did most of the talking, her asking the boy every little thing about himself. Favorite color: green. Best friend: Toby and Auntie Brigitta. (Toy for a best friend? Kinda sad.) Favorite story: The Little Wooden Knight. Petra tickled him, made him laugh. Kuchel told him all about his first month, back when he'd lived with them. Armin absorbed it all like a sponge. His golden cheeks grew pink, his eyes bright. Erwin watched his son closely, looking quietly surprised.
Petra and the kids were good for Armin. As they should be.
After eating, the kids played tag on the lawn while the adults watched. Armin screeched with joy as Kuchel easily caught up with him, whirling him through the air. Oruo roared, charging here and there, but his legs were shorter than his siblings' and they easily evaded him. That only made the little boy more grimly determined.
"He's so like you, Levi," Erwin said as Oruo tried flinging himself onto Armin and knocking him to the ground.
"Yeah. Siegfried's like you, too." Clipped. Polite.
Petra cleared her throat. She frowned at Erwin while Brigitta picked at a fruit salad.
"I'm a little surprised he didn't know anything about me, or life in Marley, or the kids. I've been sending him all those letters over the years."
Levi noticed that Brigitta stopped chewing. He watched her closely.
"I know you've sent letters." Erwin frowned. "Of course Siegfried should have read them." He looked to Brigitta. "He has, yes?"
Brigitta mumbled something. Dangerous light gleamed in Petra's eye.
"My son has been getting my letters. Hasn't he, Brigitta?" she asked. Brigitta glared and threw her napkin onto the table.
"Do you really think that was a good thing to do? They'd only make him miss you more!" Brigitta snapped. Levi narrowed his eyes. This woman had been sabotaging Petra? That bitch. "You think you can just waltz in here and do whatever you want with him? You didn't raise him! I did!"
"Brigitta." Erwin looked truly shocked. That was no act. Erwin Smith was a cunt, but at least he wasn't that much of one.
"How fucking dare you," Levi growled as Petra grew pale, red spots forming on her cheeks from rage.
"How dare I?" Brigitta stood up, her fists clenched. "You abandoned him!" she shouted. Petra looked taken aback.
"Shut the fuck up," Erwin hissed. The children had stopped playing and were regarding the adults with some confusion. Petra quickly got up and took Brigitta by the arm, marching her away. That left the men glaring at each other from across the remains of lunch. The kids continued playing; for children, no argument lasted long or left indelible marks. Not yet.
"More tea?" Erwin asked. Levi sneered.
"Weird fucking thing to do to Brigitta's hair," he said. "Being a redhead doesn't suit her."
"Perhaps not, but she's amenable to changes," Erwin said softly. Bastard.
"You'll never have Petra," he muttered. "Or me. One year left, Blondie. Then your ass is eaten."
Erwin only stared sedately at Levi. There was a laziness about those blue eyes, that graying, golden head. He was like an aging lion licking its paw, reclining on a rock, wild plains stretching in every direction. King of all he surveyed.
"You'll be sad to see me go." It wasn't a question.
"Tch. Like fuck I will." Levi decided to twist the knife. "Besides, I'll have your kid. The better version of you. That's all anyone needs. Armin, not you."
"Siegfried," Erwin whispered.
"Armin. I think the kid likes his real name better. The one I gave him."
The silence between them grew tense, almost painful. The men watched their children play. Kuchel was showing Armin how to do handstands and cartwheels. Oruo kept trying to trip both of his siblings. Armin seemed to be having the time of his life.
"Kuchel should have been a princess," Erwin said softly. "She should have been raised with everything a child could want."
"She has been. She's got food, shelter. Toys. Love. Me, Petra, and Oruo. All she needs is Armin." Levi scowled. "And she'll have him."
"As you say." Erwin sipped his tea. "I have only a year left, after all."
He sounded sincere, but Levi knew better than to trust the bitch. He watched Erwin carefully from the corner of his eye.
"How could you?" Petra had dragged Brigitta into a parlor. They stood on opposite sides of the room, radiating fury at each other. "You've been trying to turn him against me! Why?" She was starting to shout. Brigitta seemed to bristle, clenching her jaw.
"You left him," she whispered. Her voice was steel. "You ran away and left him behind."
"It was the only way I could keep him, Levi, and Kuchel safe!" Petra barked.
"It was all for Levi. Everything you do is always for Levi."
"That isn't true and you fucking know it!" Petra could not remember every screaming at her sister before. Brigitta was the family sweetheart. No one ever had a cross word from her or to say to her. Brigitta was permanently sweet-tempered. Or she had been. Now Petra's sister looked like a wasted shell of herself. Her cheeks were hollow, bags under her eyes. Wrinkles had sprouted along her forehead, and her hair had been dyed too many times. It was scraggly, a dull brown wherever the roots appeared. "Gitta. Please." She tried to be gentle. Her sister was so…not herself. "Look what Erwin's done to you."
"Erwin?" Brigitta's chin trembled, but she got herself under control. "This is what he's done for me."
Her sister held up her left hand to show off her diamond ring. Petra had noticed it earlier, but declined to say anything.
"You want to marry a man who'll be dead in a year?" Petra tried approaching her sister, because there was a broken look in Brigitta's eyes. She reached out for Brigitta's hand. "You have done so much to raise Armin," she said, trying for a softer tactic. "I know that. You did everything. I'm grateful for that. Really grateful. And I can understand why you kept my letters from him; you were trying to protect him." She had to keep her voice calm and level. The anger could not win. "He loves you so much. Anyone can see that."
"His name is Siegfried," Brigitta said, her voice flat. Petra retracted her hand.
"Siegfried," she said stiffly. "But he's my son. And he's going to come home with me."
"You have two other children," Brigitta grumbled. She hugged herself, pressed her back to the wall. "And now he loves you best. He loves you more!" she barked. Her face was crumbling, her strength dissolving. Petra's heart ached.
"Gitta…"
"Everybody always loves you more than me!" She was crying now, her voice a wail. She sounded almost like a thwarted child. "You did whatever you wanted, and I always tried to make sure things were good. I made sure things were calm. I took care of everyone, and you didn't, and everyone still loves you better! Why?" she sobbed. Brigitta faced the wall, slammed her hands against it. She heaved with sobs.
Petra came over, tried touching her sister's shoulder. Brigitta shrugged out of the way.
"I love you the most," Petra said softly. "You're my favorite sibling. I love you more than Willem. Much more. I want you to be happy." She bit her lip. "Come back with us. With Siegfried. You can live with us. We'll be getting a big house next year, and you and Mama and Papa can live there. You can have your niece and nephews around all the time. Siegfried will need you. Please come."
"Yes." Brigitta sniffed. She sounded lifeless. "I can be the sad, unmarried aunt who lives in a little room upstairs and looks after her sister's children. Always in the way. The one everyone pities."
"You can find someone again." Petra felt stung. "You can start a career. You can marry again. You can adopt children."
"I have a child!" Brigitta whirled to face her. She was filled with rage. Petra backed up. "You ran away from him! You gave him up! You don't get to take back what you gave away!"
"He's not a sweater, Brigitta, he's my son!" Petra shouted. God help her, she was not going to shake her sister, but Petra wanted to. She really wanted to.
"He's my son! In every way that really matters, he's mine," Brigitta hissed. Veins stood out in her forehead. Petra felt so shaken she almost sat down.
"You can feel any way you want about it," she said coolly. "But next summer, he's coming back to Marley with me. You can join us or stay here, it's up to you. But my son is going to be with me. No matter what."
Brigitta took a ragged breath and slumped against the wall. Her eyes were dead. A shark's eyes.
"Why does it always work out for you and never for me?" she croaked.
Petra couldn't answer that. Because life was cruel? Because Brigitta had made certain choices that were bad for her? Marrying Edvard, leaving Edvard, sleeping with Erwin. Petra had made plenty of mistakes, including that last one, but at least she'd learned. Brigitta never learned. She kept trying to do the exact same thing in the exact same way over and over, waiting for it to finally yield the result she wanted.
In her own way, Brigitta was as stubborn as Petra. Tragically so.
"You're only thirty-one. You're young," Petra whispered. "You are always going to be special in Siegfried's life. More special than anyone. You have so much time to make the exact life that you want. Please, Gitta. Just come home with me."
Brigitta's face fell. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Petra went and put her arms around her sister, felt how frail her little body was.
Brigitta roughly shoved her away.
"No!" she cried. She ran out the door and slammed it, leaving Petra shaken and alone.
The rest of the day passed too quickly. There were not enough minutes in an hour to adore Armin. Petra chased him across the lawn in a game. She cuddled on his nursery sofa and read him a story. She played a board game with him, Oruo, and Kuchel. Kuchel doted on her long lost little brother, hugging and kissing him. Oruo continued to glare murderously, but he also huffily agreed to play soldiers with Armin. That was a start.
"I love you, Mama." He looked up at her with her own eyes. Petra covered that sweet face in kisses.
"I love you so much, my angel. My darling little boy. My perfect child. I love you, love you," she whispered.
Oruo growled right next to them, but Kuchel picked him up and carried him away.
Levi was kind to Armin. So kind. He pinched the boy's cheek and ruffled his hair, and patiently asked the names of all the toys. Armin took to his Uncle Levi. Petra's heart could have melted at the sight. Levi wouldn't just tolerate Armin for Petra's sake; he would love her son. She could already see it.
She was too lucky. Brigitta was right about that.
And then the sun began to set. They were walking back to the palace's front entrance, Armin's hand in hers. Petra stared at him, trying not to let the tears build. How could she say goodbye? Now that she'd held him, seen him, how could she let go for another year? It was too cruel.
"Can Mama stay, Papa? Can she?" Armin hugged Petra's hand and kissed it. Brigitta looked at them with cold fury; Petra ignored it.
"Mama has to go home to Marley," Erwin answered.
Armin frowned. "Can I go with Mama, then? An' Oruo an' Kuchel an' Uncle Levi?"
Erwin didn't flinch or bat an eye. "No, sweetheart. You will one day. But not today."
"Oh." Armin pouted. "When can I go see Mama?"
Erwin knelt before his son. He stroked the boy's hair and hugged him. It gave some relief to Petra. Erwin loved their son deeply, and she saw Armin loved him.
"Soon. I promise."
"Uncle Erwin?" Kuchel bounced on her toes. Erwin smiled at the girl tenderly. "Can't Armin come home with us for a visit? Pleeeeease?"
Kuchel gave those big eyes that got her almost everything she wanted from her father. Petra saw Erwin waver just a moment. He kissed Kuchel's forehead. He didn't correct her use of the name Armin.
"Not today, angel. But soon."
Levi meanwhile had been keeping Oruo almost glued to his hip. They were still wary in case Erwin tried anything with their son. It was one big reason they wouldn't be staying overnight. Petra feared what Erwin could try to do to make off with a child of royal blood while the family slept.
"But I want him to come." Kuchel pouted again. Oh dear. She was a sweet, wonderful child, but Petra would lie if she said Levi hadn't spoiled her a little. Kuchel could not conceive of asking for something sweetly and being rejected.
"He's my son. And he's your mama's son, of course. But Siegfried lives with me and Auntie Brigitta. He'll come and see you next year."
"Next year?" Kuchel cried. "No! That's too far away!"
Armin whimpered. "Please, Papa? Can't I go with Mama and Kuchel? Please? I'll be so good! I'll do my lessons and brush my teeth, I promise! Please?"
"Siegfried," Brigitta hissed.
"No, Siegfried," Erwin said sternly. He gripped his son by the shoulders. "It's an agreement Mama and I made. You can go see her next year."
"Then when can she come back and see me?" Armin's eyes started to water. Petra winced from the pain.
"Next year," Erwin said patiently.
"But why not sooner? Why can't she come for midwinter? Why can't she come here again? Why not?" Armin's voice quavered and began to rise in volume. Petra hugged him tightly to her.
"Maybe I could come once a month," she said.
"We had an agreement." Erwin's voice was ice. "You've had your one visit. Now wait until next year."
Armin burst into tears and clung to Petra. She hushed him, stroked his hair.
"I know we had an agreement," she snapped. Levi stood behind her, at her back. "But maybe we should change our plans."
"Erwin. The kid wants to see his mother." Levi's tone was deadly. "He has that right."
"A bargain is a bargain." Erwin got up, and tried taking Armin away. But he latched on to Petra, and began screaming.
"No, Mama! Don't go! Mama, Mama, don't go, please! Please!" He screamed and wailed, and Petra wrapped her arms tight around him. She would never let go of her baby again. They could kill her, but she would not let him go.
"Let me talk to you alone," Levi snapped. "Erwin. Now."
Petra buried her face in Armin's shoulder as Erwin and Levi walked away down the hall. She kissed her son as he whimpered and clung to her. Petra felt Kuchel and Oruo sit beside her. And she knew Brigitta was watching closely.
My son. He's my son. She nuzzled his soft little cheek. He's mine.
They got stuck in some kind of library. Levi smacked a wooden globe that stood beside the door. The world spun like crazy.
"What do you have to say?" Erwin glowered.
"Don't be a cunt. There. That's it." Levi crossed his arms. "That kid's crazy about his mother. I'm not saying you have to give him to us now, but you can't ask him to go another full year without seeing her. It'll hurt him."
"The world is cruel. You know that well."
"Yeah. I do. But we don't have to make it even more cruel, you fucking asshole." Levi strode forward, ready to pound the king into paste. "He's your son. If you love him, do what's best for him."
"I am," Erwin replied.
"Sorry if I think that's bullshit."
Erwin smirked. Once again, Levi felt that closeness hook under his ribs, draw him nearer to the king. His liege. His commander. Levi's stomach sank. Why the fuck did the people you loved most have to disappoint you? It'd been a running theme throughout Levi's life. Was it like that for everybody? Or was he just phenomenally unlucky?
"If you want me to give up my titan at the end of my term and send Siegfried to you in Marley, you will respect my wishes and our agreement." Erwin frowned. "Petra has had her visit. I will reunite her with her son again soon. And that is all that's to be said on the subject."
Levi approached him, and Erwin took a step back. He was the Colossal, but Levi was an Ackerman. Erwin wouldn't want to explode into his titan right now. He'd kill Armin if he did. Levi had the advantage, and the king knew it.
"I can kill you," Levi said softly. "Whenever I want. I can come back here and end your fucking life."
"Yes." Erwin lifted a brow. "And that would be contrary to the terms of our agreement. Floch and the Guard wouldn't take kindly to that. Nor would our other territories."
"If Petra and Armin get to be together, it's a risk worth taking," he snapped.
"Really? Your wife over humanity?" Erwin clucked his tongue. "That's not a choice you want to have to make, Levi. I know you. You will always choose the world. The many over the few. It's what makes you honorable." He sneered. "And foolish."
He'd show this asshole foolish.
But right now, it was getting late, and Levi did want to get Oruo away from here. So far, the boy had been safe. So far. Even speaking privately with Erwin was giving his goons too much of an opportunity.
The Ackermans had to catch the boat home.
"This isn't over," he said.
"Oh, I think it is," Erwin replied.
In a huff, Levi stormed out of the room. Tension pounded behind his eyes. Bastard.
He had to grimly watch as Petra and Armin were separated. The poor kid bawled, but his mother kissed him and promised to send him lots of letters and tell him about all the fun things they were going to do when he came to Marley. Kuchel sniffled and looked incredulously at Uncle Erwin, who had never denied her anything before. Levi just kept a grip on Oruo, made sure the sulky kid remained safe. It was the end of the visit, and anything might happen.
He'd be ready for anything.
"Sir?" A maid came to him, her head bowed and his coat in hand. Levi took it.
"Thanks," he said. He glanced at the girl as she curtsied to him. She turned on her heel and quickly walked away. There'd been something familiar about her, though he couldn't place it.
Fuck it. He had bigger problems.
Levi kept his head down as he ushered his kids into the waiting car, then watched in pain as his wife clung to her son. Armin seemed like the kind of kid who never made much of a scene, but he was making up for that now. His face was red, tears on his cheeks. He gripped Petra's skirt so tight Levi was almost afraid they'd rip it away as they got him off.
"I love you." Petra said it over and over, kissed him over and over. "My baby, we'll be together so soon. We're going to have the most wonderful time. I'm going to write you every single day. Don't cry, baby. I'll see you soon."
Finally they managed to pry Armin off his mother. Petra shuddered and tried to wave as her son was hauled back into the palace like a sack of potatoes. Levi helped her into the car. They closed the door and drove for the train station.
Kuchel was crying, too. Oruo just looked bewildered, somewhere between glad that the interloper in his mother's affections was gone, sad because his mother was clearly heartbroken. Petra collapsed against Levi, who held her. He pressed her head to his heart. He kissed her hair. She didn't wail like Armin had. But she sobbed. She was broken.
"Soon, baby," he whispered. "We'll get him back soon."
Levi tried to focus on anything that was not breaking Erwin Smith in half.
He was on high alert as they traveled down to the port in their train car. Kuchel tried to play a game with Oruo, but her heart wasn't in it. Petra stared listlessly out the window. Levi watched his son, the hallway, the window, everything. He just wanted to get his family safe. Then he'd deal with the rest.
When the train stalled out near a station and sat on the tracks for twenty minutes, Levi was ready to go out of his skin with worry. Was this it? Would Erwin make his move now? He watched every corner of the compartment, listened hard for the softest footstep. A commercial train hurtled past them at some point; great, why hadn't they caught a ride on that shit? But finally, the train started again. Some mechanical malfunction. Of course. Why get rid of horses for all this fancy shit?
Horses. That was another pang in his heart. Erwin had told Levi what became of his horse. Erwin hadn't harmed her; she'd lived out her life on Historia's farm. They'd had to put her down last year.
Shouldn't have mattered that much. She was just a horse. But Levi was miserable with it. She'd never seen him again. Never knew what became of him.
Just a horse. Which wasn't exactly true, but right now he had to protect his family.
They finally reached the port. Paradisian Guard soldiers saluted them as they hurried to board their ship.
Levi stood on deck with Oruo clamped to his side as the main ship coordinated with the Hizuran cruisers. Finally, the ship left the port and sailed out to sea. Levi let out a deep breath as he watched Paradis's coast fade into the darkness. He hugged Oruo tight.
"You're okay," he said.
"Yeah." His son squinted up at him. "Why's he my brother?"
Later. They could explain all that later.
"Do me a favor. Go inside and give Mama a hug. She needs a lot of hugs right now."
Oruo nodded. He gave Levi a hug as well, one of his brambly, grumpy embraces. Levi smiled as his son raced back inside to his mother and sister. Levi followed, hands in his coat pockets.
His right hand touched something. Paper. It crinkled as Levi pulled it out.
It was a letter. Who had…?
He opened it up and read.
Captain,
My name is Inga Strauss. We met years ago, when I shot Zeke Jaeger.
The girl had kept her face turned down so Levi wouldn't see the burns. He read on quickly.
This is my only chance to get word to you. Please help us. Paradis is under attack from the king. No one in the outside world has any idea what he's been doing here. If they find out I wrote this, I'll be sent to one of the pits in the castle grounds. Please talk to King Tybur. Please do something. We're desperate.
Levi read the three pages she'd included. His eyes almost crossed with the details he read. His mouth went dry.
No. Erwin hadn't done…this.
He hadn't become this. Had he?
Levi gripped the pages tightly and raced inside to find Petra. He went in just as the Hizuran cruisers turned away from the Marleyan ship and headed for home.
"Turning for Okiya Port now. Yes, sir." One of the Hizuran soldiers spoke with the captain of the fleet. He hummed as he charted the course.
Well. Strictly speaking, he wasn't a Hizuran soldier. He was a Paradisian soldier dressed like a Hizuran.
"Has it worked?" Erwin asked, seated comfortably within the cruiser.
"You got here with plenty of time before the Ackermans, Majesty." Yes. The delayed train had worked perfectly. Erwin had rocketed past them on a commercial train of his own, giving him plenty of time to reach the port and climb aboard the commandeered vessel.
"How long until we reach Okiya?"
"By sunrise, I'd say."
"Good." Erwin reclined in his chair. As soon as the Ackermans had been taken to Mitras today, a small stealth team of his had infiltrated one of the Hizuran boats. They'd done it perfectly; every crew member had been killed, their bodies now stored below deck. Regrettable. Very regrettable. But necessary.
Paradis's boats had been taken by Marley. This had been one of the few chances to escape the island.
Erwin closed his eyes. Tomorrow would be a very busy day, and he needed rest.
"I'm sure Captain Ackerman will be glad to see you," Kiyomi said, walking with Mikasa down the garden's winding path. In late summer, Hizuran gardens were a sight to behold. The bees hummed in the white and pink blossoms, the trees gave small, sweet pears. Kiyomi was dressed in a kimono of pale blue silk, while Mikasa had put on Marleyan attire. Though she still kept the Hizuran sword by her side, always.
"It will be nice to visit," Mikasa said softly. Kiyomi inspected the woman's profile. At twenty-seven, Mikasa had come into the height of her beauty. Her face was perfectly sculpted with high cheekbones, her dark gray eyes were heavily lashed. But she always looked quietly sad. Often Kiyomi would come in for afternoon tea and see the girl staring out onto the ornamental gardens, lost in thought.
Missing that boy, Eren.
Mikasa dressed like a Hizuran woman more often than not, but she almost always kept that red scarf around her neck, no matter how it clashed wth an outfit. She tugged at it now, a talisman against harm.
"Besides, it will be good for you to oversee joint training."
Mikasa and the Azumabito soldiers were going to Marley to learn and teach. They would learn more about Marleyan's war tech, and Marley would receive the finest instruction in hand to hand combat. A well-trained Azumabito retainer could take down five armored men alone. Mikasa, gifted with the Ackerman blood, had stepped up an already impressive training program.
Marley and Hizuru continued to strengthen ties, ensuring stability against Paradis.
"Thank you," Mikasa said quietly. They stopped just before the front door, the car waiting in the drive to take her to the shipyard.
"For what?"
"For everything. For giving me a home." The young woman gave a delicate bow, perfectly managed. A sign of deference. "I'm not sure how I would have survived these last few years if you hadn't taken me in."
Kiyomi did not show her feelings much. But she took Mikasa's face in her hands.
You are the daughter I never had.
"You bring great respect and honor to this family. Thank you," Kiyomi replied. It was the closest she could come to saying she loved the girl. Mikasa smiled, bowed again, and walked down the steps. Kiyomi watched as she got in the car and was driven away. Sighing, Kiyomi walked back inside.
Kiyomi had never wanted domestic tranquility. She had never wanted to marry, as that would require her to take a husband's name, work for a husband's family. She was proud of her Azumabito heritage. She did not want a man's love, or children. She had wanted to run her clan, to bring them out of obscurity and back into the center of the world, right where they belonged. Now in her sixties, though, she felt how tired she was becoming. She didn't want to fight these battles forever. And she had no husband or partner or children to fill the empty silence in her house.
But Mikasa had changed everything. Kiyomi had learned how nice it was to teach a child. To instruct. To shape them.
Not that Mikasa had been a child, but…
She is my pride. The pride of my house.
That was enough for Kiyomi. She slid open the door and entered her private sitting area. She needed to do some work on the accounts before—
"Hello, Kiyomi."
She stopped dead. Erwin Smith stood in the center of the room, arms crossed. For a moment, they just looked at each other.
"I suppose it would be useless to scream?" she asked calmly.
"You suppose correctly." He shrugged and sauntered closer. "My clock has been running down. I'm afraid time is of the essence now. Normally, I'd try to coax you to my side, but that would take a tremendous amount of time. I don't have the luxury." He looked around the space. "Most of the Azumabito engineers live in this vicinity, don't they? The ones who helped Hange with the hyperfusion bomb."
Why lie?
"Yes."
"I see." He uncrossed his arms and opened his hands. Blood dripped from his left palm to patter on the floor. Kiyomi watched it carefully.
"Don't do anything you'll regret, Erwin."
"I regret nothing. I refuse to."
"Hmm. Care for some tea?"
"Not just now." The large man came towards her, like a predator. Kiyomi stood her ground.
"You won't win, you know," she said gently. He stopped a few feet before her. He'd left a trail of blood behind him, like…breadcrumbs in the woods. Where had she gotten that idea from? A story. Some Marleyan story she'd heard as a child.
It was about a witch who wanted to eat two good little children. And the children burned the witch.
Why think of that right now?
"Whether I win or not," Erwin Smith said kindly, "you won't be alive to see it."
She would not be afraid. Kiyomi did not give him the satisfaction of her fear as the lightning began to spark around him. As she felt the hot wind of imminent transformation on her cheek. There was nowhere for her to run. This would just happen.
She accepted it.
At least Mikasa was safe, headed across the sea. At least the Azumabito soldiers were with her. They would protect her. Or she would protect them.
Goodbye, sweet girl. I'm glad I gave you a home.
Unfortunately, there would be no home for her to return to.
Kiyomi stood there with folded hands, waiting politely until Erwin Smith erupted into his titan form. She didn't shut her eyes when the end came. When the entire house exploded, and when she was incinerated to nothing but ash in the blast, she never thought to cry out.
She did not get to see Erwin rise above the streets of Okiya, towering in his colossal glory. Spreading a cloud of destruction to the surrounding area. Beginning his final, great war.
Kiyomi did not see it. But in her final moments, she could imagine it very well.