Chapter Fourteen: What We
After that unpleasant conversation with Emma, Regina went back to work. But she was agitated and jittery and she only did her work with half a mind. Maybe it had been a bad idea to go see her, but she just had to. She wanted answers. Answers as to why Emma left her but none had been forthcoming and maybe it was better this way, never knowing why.
When work finishes this day, she rushes back home, needing some way to work out the turmoil of feelings inside her. It's why she falls into Kathryn's arms. Good, reliable Kathryn who loves her and never would leave her.
Regina wants to forget about Emma. About what they used to have. She has Kat now. A future with her and not a checkered past with Emma. So she kisses Kat hard, harder than usual as soon as she walks in through the door.
She wants to forget with Kathryn.
"What has gotten into you?" Kathryn says, breathless.
Regina doesn't answer, only kisses Kathryn hard once more and leads the way upstairs to their shared bedroom. Clothes are quickly discarded and they find themselves on the bed, movements frenzied.
As she's deep inside Kathryn, she thinks of the fact on how she has a child with Emma. For some reason, it makes what they had feel more real. More real than her relationship with Kathryn even though they've been married for six years. So, the only possible way to remedy this that Regina can think of, is to allow Kathryn to finally have their child.
"I think it's time," she says between nips of the skin on Kathryn's neck. "I think we should have our own family."
Kathryn groans at hearing this, her nails dig deeper onto Regina's shoulders. "Yes," she hisses, as Regina's pace increases. "Yes!" her cry of ecstasy echoes through the air.
"They left," Ruby tells Regina when the mayor walks into the diner the next morning, looking and feeling refreshed, more than she ever has for a long time.
Regina arches a brow at Ruby's comment and her acidic tone of voice. "I assume you're telling me that Miss Swan and Henry have left. This is not why I am here." Regina is both relieved and devastated by this news. She only lets herself focus on the first emotion. Because it's the only thing she should be feeling about Emma's departure. What she and her had is over. It's best not to dwell on the past no matter how it tears at her still to this day if she ever lets herself think on it.
Ruby scoffs. The lie is terrible and transparent. "Then why are you here?"
"I decided I wanted to try something different in my morning routine. Many things are changing for me in my life and so I'm going to switch things up. I'm going to be a mother."
The heartless bitch! Ruby grinds her teeth together. "You're already a mother!" Ruby nearly snarls. Good thing the diner is half empty at this early hour or else there would be people eavesdropping on the conversation. Storybrooke doesn't tend to wake up this early. "You have a son, with Emma!"
Regina is methodical as she says this, as if she's been rehearsing this for hours. "I could have had a son with Emma. If she hadn't run away. But as it is, I barely know him-"
"That doesn't matter," Ruby cut in. "Emma told me the truth of what happened to her, and you have no right to be angry at her for it, because if you really get down to it, it's your fault this happened. So, you should be the one to fix it. I'm not saying you should forgive Emma for what she did, but that you shouldn't hate her for it either, because like I said, if she hadn't dated you this never would have happened." Ruby's breathing hard. Regina's brows furrow and guilt comes crashing down onto her.
"She ran away because she was pregnant?" But why? Was Emma afraid of Regina finding out? Of Cora finding out? They could have done something. Regina wouldn't have hated Emma for it. They could have worked it out.
"No. Well, that was part of it," Ruby shakes her head. "Just...go talk to her. She'll tell you the truth. It's not my job to do so. And, for the record, you should reach out to Henry. He's still your kid and he did nothing wrong by being born into this world. He adores you, even if he doesn't know you, and you should at least reach out to him. Otherwise, you're no better than your mother."
That, hits something deep inside Regina. She shakes with anger. "You have no idea what my mother is like," she growls, leaning across the counter, nostrils flaring. Ruby gulps, steps back, wonders if she crossed a line. "Don't you ever dare compare her to me," Regina finishes in a low timber and then leaves, heels stabbing into the floor.
But, Ruby's words do stick in Regina's mind. Because she makes the effort of reaching out and calling Emma once she finds her number after an all too easy search.
"Is this Emma?" Regina asks and winces because of course it is.
A short pause, before an answer. "Yes. This is."
"This is Regina calling. I wanted to...I want to talk to you about setting something up with Henry."
A long pause, static. "What do you mean?" Emma exhales.
"I was thinking we could work out something like joint custody. I could see him on the weekends maybe. Get to know him better. I...I owe him this in the least for your mistake of keeping him from me. He deserves to know that if I had a son I would have loved him and done my best to take care of him." Even if I wasn't ready, Regina vowed to herself. Because she won't ever raise her child like her mother raised her. She would raise her child with love and compassion, and not fear.
And besides, this will be good practice in time when she and Kat have their first child.
"I'm sure Henry would love that." Emma voice sags with something. Is it relief? Joy?
"Good. I'll send you my personal number so we can discuss the details of this." And then Regina hangs up, feeling a weight she didn't know she was carrying, lift off her shoulders.
Over the next two weeks, Regina and Emma coordinate a schedule for Henry. Their conversations are brief and whenever Emma tries to talk about something else, sneak that into the phone calls, Regina cuts it off by either hanging up, or going back to their topic of Henry. She can tell with the hiss of air from between Emma's teeth that she is irritated by this but she goes along.
Their conversations lead to the stipulation that Henry will be over in Storybrooke on the weekends. Regina will have him all day on Saturday and Sunday but that she must make sure he does his homework. Regina scoffs when she hears this. "Of course I would insist on him doing his homework. His education is paramount to me."
"Good," Emma says. "And he doesn't have any dietary restrictions so you can feed him whatever."
"Kathryn's more of the cook than me." This is the first time Regina's ever mentioned Kat in front of Emma, but she slides it in, sort of as a barrier to them, to prevent Emma from thinking she can get close to Regina.
"Kat?" Emma questions, clearly puzzled by this.
"She went to school with us. She was in my friend group. She was my best friend in fact. Didn't you see her when you came by my house?"
A long pause as Regina lets Emma dredge up old memories. "No, I didn't really notice her." Her voice seems stilted, as if she no longer wants to be talking.
"Yes, well," Regina clears her throat. "She's my wife now."
Silence, on the other end. No one says anything for a long time. Regina doesn't know what reaction she's hoping to get from Emma. Perhaps just any reaction would be well.
"Um, that's nice. Congrats," Emma says hastily before adding on, "I should go." She hangs up and Regina looks at the phone as the dial tone blares.
It's October by the time that Regina finally gets her first visit with Henry. He and Emma are standing, waiting for her by the pier, bundled up in matching plaid. It's horrendous and Regina vows to buy Henry a nice jacket.
"Mom!" Henry greets when he turns from the water where he had been watching some fishing boats (Robin's, ugh) and spots her. He rushes towards her and throws himself at her. She's not expecting the touching and it takes her a second to wrap her arms around him. Emma is slower to turn to her and she offers up a tentative smile.
"I'm so glad I can see you. What cool things are we going to do today?" he asks, pulling away from her and bouncing on the balls of his feet. She's so taken aback and flattered by his joy at seeing her that she laughs.
"You're excited," she murmurs.
He nods his head frantically as Emma fills in, "he couldn't sleep at night, talking my ear off about the things we would do on the car ride over." Emma maintains a distance from them that shouldn't bother Regina but it does. Is this because Emma knows about Kathryn?
"Oh, you're coming?" she asks, because specifically this was supposed to Regina's time alone with Henry.
Emma shakes her head, curls only partially moving under her beanie. "No, this is time for you two. I'm going to go hang with Ruby. Catch up on old news. Have fun you two, and Henry, behave." Then Emma is off, leaving Regina with Henry.
It's awkward at first, because each time Emma is around, it reopens old wounds Regina had spent good money on at the therapist to close. And she doesn't know how to act around Henry. The kid looks up to her and loves spending time with her. But as she gets to know him better, each weekend passing, things become more natural between the two of them. He's a little nerd, just like her, and she adores spending money on him, money she never had a chance to spend before. Emma doesn't interfere with them and for this Regina is grateful, the brunette only having to see her when she's picking up Henry and then dropping him back off.
Two months drift by in this mixed manner. The weekends pass too quickly and then take too long to get here. Regina enjoys spending time with Henry and mourns the loss of it before. One evening he asks her, as they dig into their sundae's, "why did you and Ma break up?"
She knows to have expected such a question from him. After all, it was valid. Surely he deserved to know. "I didn't want to break up with her. But something happened and she had to leave and she never told me anything about you or herself. I had to give up looking for her and had to move on with my own life because it's not good to dwell on painful things," she told him, knowing he was mature enough to understand this.
"Ma was scared. Scared of something. That's why she did this. But every time she would talk about you, it made her happy. She was happy with you."
"I was happy with her too. But now I have someone else that makes me happy too," Regina said, finishing up her ice cream. Henry had some chocolate on his chin and she gave him a napkin so he could wipe it off.
"Oh you mean the pretty blonde lady that cooks me good food?"
"Yes, Kathryn," she says because she knows that Henry should remember Kat's name but he never does. She wonders if this is him being passive aggressive for some reason. Perhaps he is upset that Regina has found someone else. "But I'm sure Emma must have someone like that too."
Henry shakes his head. "No, she doesn't. She used to, when I was a baby, but not anymore. Now it's just us two. Or it used to be, but now you're around to."
She gave him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. She didn't know why the idea of Emma being single thrilled her and yet made her sad. "Finish up your ice cream. I want to show you something else."
Regina makes no secret of hiding her weekend plans from Kathryn. She told her about it too, because they were a couple and they needed to face things together and not apart.
"So, he is your kid," Kathryn says, eyes dark. "I never would have expected something like this from you."
"I didn't cheat on you!" Regina exclaims, throwing her hands out. "He's way older than when we even started being together."
"So then how did this happen?" the accusation is dark. Kat crosses the arms over her chest.
Regina sighs, runs a hand through her hair. "I...it was because of my rut. I had a hard time controlling myself and she didn't stop me. She let me have sex with her and something must have fallen through the cracks. I never found out she was pregnant because she just up and left." Regina doesn't want to cheapen her relationship with Emma but she also doesn't want to piss Kat of even more.
Kat thins her lips. "Why now? Why get to know him now?"
"Because I have the chance to," Regina said softly, approaching her omega. She placed her hands on Kat's stomach. "And because it'll be great practice for our kid."
Kat is slightly softened by this sentiment, given the reluctant smile crawling up her lips. "Okay, but I want to be included in this. And I only want it to be you and the kid. I don't want her...hanging around." Regina slightly bristles at the way Kat nearly hisses at mentioning Emma, but she let's it slide. It must be omega jealousy, nothing more.
"I wouldn't plan on excluding you," Regina admits. "And Emma doesn't come with us. It's me and Henry. I think you'll like him."
Regina had tried to introduce Henry to Kathryn, after all if he would be in Regina's house doing his work, he would see her around. Despite Kat's warm attitudes to him and cooking him food that he would like, he never entirely opened up to her with the same enthusiasm he did to Regina. Kat just shrugged it off and opted to just watch the two of them interact with each other, often stroking her belly thoughtfully.
By the time January was here, she was three months along and positively glowing. Regina was mainly happy and nervous. She still wasn't sure if she'd be a good parent, or if she was ready for it, but being with Henry gave her more confidence. Sadly, the visits had to be put on pause for that month and for February. Emma's car was a piece of garbage and couldn't make the trip up. So, Regina, on a weekend that wasn't particularly busy, got into her own car after getting the answer out of Henry on Emma's address, and heads out. She only gets lost once, and when she knocks on the door to Emma's apartment, it's like the scene from when Regina first opened up her door to see Emma. Except reversed.
Emma looks pale and shocked. She's only in a tank top and boy shorts too, and her hair is messy. Regina knows it's ten am. Surely, not too early to be here?
"Regina, hi," Emma eventually breathes out, and swallows as Regina redirects her attention from Emma's smooth thighs. "Did something happen? Why are you here?"
"I know you couldn't come up to visit me. So I took the liberties to come visit you and my son," at the mention of that, Henry's head pops up behind Emma.
"You came!" he squeals, his hair also mussy from sleep.
"Henry, you knew?" Emma turns to him, betrayed.
He offers a not at all sorry grin. "I told her the address too," before ducks back in, shivering from the cold air coming in through the open door.
"You should tell me next time!" she calls after him as he rushes to get changed.
"I can always leave-" Regina doesn't want to impose.
Emma shakes her head. "Come on in." Regina follows her in. The apartment is small and not impressive, with the curtains drawn and throwing it into an even sadder state. Empty Styrofoam coffee cups litter the table and there's newspapers and books on the floor. Emma looks embarrassed by this mess and she grabs a couple of cups to throw out.
"It's no mansion, but you can take my bed and I'll sleep on the couch," Emma said when she and Regina stand awkwardly in the middle of the room in silence. Regina has no intention of staying here.
"Nonsense. I can rent out a hotel room," Regina waved it off.
"It's hard to find one on such short notice. And I don't want you paying a lot."
"I've already booked the room, Emma. I tend to do things in advance."
"Oh, right," Emma said, a bit sheepish. "Well, then feel free to take Henry around. He can give you a tour of the city while I'll be back here if you need anything."
"You're gonna love the city!" Henry said, already rushing to grab his coat. "Especially the huge library. You can get lost in it! I certainly did!"
Regina chuckles and allows his enthusiasm to leash around her and pull her out the door. She does feel a bit bad at leaving Emma behind in her tiny and dark apartment. Maybe spending time, all three of them, wouldn't be so bad. But before she can say anything, Kat's disapproving face fills her mind. No, Regina shouldn't hope for such things. She has moved on.
She has.
Regina lets the door close behind her, only then Emma's wistful expression blooming on her face once safe from the sight of her son and Regina.
A/N: I know most of y'all wanna know what really happened to Emma, and we'll get there soon.