Author's note:Hello everyone!

Have fun reading!

Qwqs

Contemplating 1

*sigh*

And yet again the story is begun with a sigh.

Maybe that sounds boring? Why would it always begin with a sigh? Why can't it begin any other way? Surely, any person watching this would think so at some point. But in fact, there is a reason behind it…

-o-O-o-

After finally coming home, Kanade sighs in exhaustion.

'Today was more tiring than usual…'

Yes, for Kanade, today surely was quite tiring. It's not physical exhaustion but a mental one.

Despite how people usually thought of Kanade as a dumb, quiet girl, that's actually not all there is to it.

She is actually a type that has a lot on her mind almost all the time. If it would have to be put in a more understandable way, she was like a library type girl.

It is well known that for them, they are always thinking about a lot of things, but they are just no good at expressing it.

Not that the person herself would remember it anytime soon, but, the instance like how she actually wanted to tell the SSS that moving on was best, so you should stop the meaningless struggling, but in the end, ended up fighting them instead. It happened because of how bad she was at communicating, expressing her belief.

Or even the instance where she just wanted to eat the Mápó dòufu alone after being renounced from her President position. That showed how much of a heavy thinker she actually is. It's just that it is hard for her to express it outside of her thought.

Sighing is one way she could somewhat relieve herself of her thought as of late.

And this deal with that boy and the ring doesn't help her case any, either.

'The wedding… should I attend it?'

This is the thing she has been thinking for a long while even before she reached home.

It's not that the wedding itself has any significance to her, but, for him, for that boy that appeared in her dream as the groom, for that boy that she might actually be in love with, should she go to the wedding in hope of finding more clues -no matter how small- about him? Or should she just give up on her hope of ever finding out more about it?

'It has already been 4 years anyway.'

That depressing thought comes to her.

'I don't want to go to the wedding; I'm afraid of finding out more and in the end achieved nothing; I'm afraid of feeling the slight pain in my chest like when I dreamt of him again.'

If she went to the wedding, finding out more about him but can't do anything to meet with him after all those clues and some more searching she would do. Or even if she just doesn't find anything from this normal wedding. Surely, either way, she would be hurt badly. The pain would intensify. She doesn't think she could stand it.

On the other hand, if she decides not to go, then that would be a waste of opportunity, a most foolish choice.

That's why she is in exhaustion.

Not because of her friends pestering her about the boy (Well, part of it is, but it is just a very small part), but because she couldn't decide what she should do.

Such a simple choice for everyone else, but for her it is a painful one.

It reminds her of a certain story she has read; a story about a certain self-proclaimed mad scientist who had to make a painful choice at the end of his struggle to save a friend. In the end, he had a happy reunion with his assistant. But that is just a story, a fake. It's not the real. Would the real really always have such an ending waiting at the end of one's struggle?

'No.'

This is the answer she believes.

The reason why she would believe so is not important, nor is it worth discussing about.

Like how a certain boy's story ended; sacrificing his heart to the girl he later loved but still have yet to be able to hold her fully. Ironically, she left him because of how grateful she was that he would give such an important thing to her.

It would still be a long time before she could decide what she would do.

She has spent more than 4 years thinking about this matter without finding an answer for it. However, even so, she has still not given up yet. Believe deep down -so deep that she, herself doesn't notice- that one day, she definitely would understand it.

A little while longer is nothing.

P.S. MY SKILL FINALLY STARTS TO COME BACK!

P.S. 2 I have changed the names of all the chapters.

This is just half of the chapter of "Contemplating". I decided to cut it in half to show the progress of this story.

About my Kanade interpretation, I believe that is really how Kanade is. She is a heavy thinker who can't express herself well. Why do I think so? I believe it's because I and she are similar except that I am a boy. I wish to hear your opinions on this.

Lastly, do you sense any reference anywhere in this chapter? Well, then, good bye.

El

Psy

Congroo