Notes from the author: I managed to find a way to section chapters on here (since mine did not work before, hence the solid block of text with different POVs, which I am sincerely apologising for).
TW: suicide, gambling.
The hallway was illuminated by the moonlight coming through the ornate windows, not a soul in sight. As it should be considering that it was almost midnight and thus long past students' bedtime hour. Complete silence reigned amongst the stone walls of the school and only an extraordinary sense of hearing would let one distinguish the sound of an animal running through the hall. It dashed swiftly towards the entrance to the tower, followed by its equally quiet and agile shadow.
- If you expect me to coddle that muggle-born solely because she had the misfortune of landing in this particular House, then you must be confusing me with Pomona – the brusque voice of Severus' was coming from Dumbledore's office, audible loud and clear to the tabby cat's ears as it approached.
- Sherbet Lemon – the password was said to the gargoyle.
A few seconds later Minerva McGonagall entered the room.
- You've called for me, Headmaster.
Albus did not even bother explaining why he had decided that this council should only consist of the two Heads of Houses instead of all four of them, but she suspected his reasoning possibly revolved around the Stone. The first topic of their meeting, on the other hand, would not require clarification even if she hadn't had the privilege of hearing the bits of the men's quarrel from the corridor.
- Yes, thank you for coming Minerva.
- As I was saying – Snape continued, unbothered by the her appearing – She wasn't even a Hatstall. Those were 3 minutes at most, not counting yours, professor, intervention – he gave her a look that conveyed his disapproval better than words could - Therefore she either will manage on her own as a Slytherin should or the Hat has made a huge mistake. In each of those cases I am not willing to intervene.
After he finished, he possibly intended to leave, but the principal did not let him exit the room yet, this time him being the one who communicated without using speech. Then he said, however, addressing the woman:
- And what is your standpoint?
- Oh well... – she stalled, wondering how to phrase her thoughts on the matter, since she had plenty.
She sympathised with the girl, so much in fact that she did, as Snape spitefully discerned, unintentionally let her attract more attention to herself that it was probably prudent by letting her wrestle with the Hat again. Herself having been a Hatstall and a one that fiercely argued her way to the House she chose, she understood her reaction and didn't really deem it just that she would just be forced to comply with the Hat's will. On the other hand, such occurrences were very, very much uncommon. Hat, although stubborn, was not sadistic and, especially in a case as delicate as this, its decision verged on cruelty. Sentencing a muggle-born, against her will, to Slytherin House, was... well – a sentence. A punishment for possessing the wrong skills, the wrong characteristics. And Minerva, in all her rationality, wouldn't judge the Hat as one for mercilessness, therefore it must have had a point. It did sometimes happen that it would be able to foresee some of the things in a student's future and made its decision on the basis of that. She was therefore convinced that this must have been one of those cases.
- It is true that sometimes the Hat makes an unpredictable decision, as is the fact that it rarely did insist on putting a student into a House despite their personal wish over the years – she finally resumed speaking after the short pause - But that gives us the more reason to believe that the Hat is right. Therefore, I think we should wait and see what happens. And meanwhile we have other things to take care of, don't we?
- You do indeed – suddenly the Hat itself spoke up uninvited – And I don't make mistakes! How many times do I have to prove that?!
- Hmm... – Dumbledore pondered over their words for some time before he continued – I agree with you, Minerva. We should now focus on the other issue that caused me to convene this meeting, but I am asking you both to keep an eye on that girl in case she needed our help.
- Severus, have you made any progress regarding the identity of the unsuccessful thief?
- No, not yet, Albus. Although I believe I have found a trail leading to h... them – he immediately corrected himself, determined not to reveal his suspicions too early on.
- Then keep on looking. You are dismissed now – the headmaster ordered, accentuating the last word since he still had in mind Snape's hasty attempt at leaving from before.
When the two Gryffindors were alone, Albus talked to Minerva about the young Potter, sharing his knowledge about the possible return of Voldemort.
- He had been spotted already. And his specific magic is not hard to identify, even in his weakened state. Therefore we have all the more reason to worry that he will attempt to find Harry soon – he informed her, stroking his beard.
- In those circumstances I must ask you to help me shield the boy, if the need comes and to watch over him with extra care. Do you agree to do so?
- Yes, of course I agree – her tone revealed a slight annoyance at the fact, that he would even feel the need to ask. She was the Head of the House, after all, shouldn't that mean she would try her best to aid and protect all of the children in it?
Soon their meeting ended, the tabby cat went back to McGonagall's living quarters and the castle could remain in deep sleep, uninterrupted for the rest of the night.
She woke up at Madame Pomfrey's, when the sun rose and its rays started slipping into the room through the curtains, landing on her still closed eyelids.
- Good morning, Ms. Castel. I hope you're feeling a little better now – said the nurse, seeing that she had opened her eyes.
- Good morning, Madame – she managed to respond through the persistent fog in her mind.
It took her a while to recall the events of the previous night, but when she understood her situation she was horrified. Luckily, this time she couldn't lose consciousness that easily since the hospital bed was supporting her.
- What happened to me? – she asked the woman for clarification, unsure whether she wasn't imagining things.
- You passed out in the Great Hall yesterday and then were brought here – she began, her voice a tad abrasive but very calming at the same time.- You have a rather bad case of anaemia and you must have strained yourself far over your abilities. For now I will abstain from prescribing you anything for it, because if you adhere to my guidance alone, you should get better soon.
With great dismay she realised that she remembered everything correctly. She blacked out in front of the whole school after being sorted into The Worst House twice in a row. "I will not have a life at this school now, will I?" she wondered, ignoring the medical part of the nurse's reply as insignificant for now, focusing solely on her social reputation which, she was sure, couldn't have taken a blow stronger than this one.
But before she could dwell on it any further, she heard Ada's voice coming from the entrance. The 4th grader either must have been eaves-dropping and heard that she had woken up or just timed her visit really well by chance.
- No visits before 8 are allowed – the old woman stated in a strict tone, when the Ravenclaw cracked the door half-open.
- Unless the patient wishes to leave the wing and needs someone's help! - Adalie, always being the one to know the rules better than their enforcers did, exclaimed in response.
- Please, let her in. I am allowed to leave before breakfast anyways, right? – Elena joined in with her plead.
- You may come in, but only to escort your friend out. So you can't stay here for long – the matron agreed reluctantly.
- Morning El! – the Ravenclaw's cheerful piping filled the room. Another girl, a plump brunette with a yellow badge on her robes entered with her.
- This is Felicia, by the way, she doesn't travel by the train, so you couldn't meet her earlier – she introduced her companion – But tell us: how are you doing?
- Not so well, actually. I think I hit my head pretty hard.
- Yeah you did. Sounded like a ball falling to the floor, actually. And Snape had to carry you to the hospital wing.
- What?!
- I mean, he's the head of your house now, isn't he? And demons know what the other Snakes would do were it not for him and Dumbledore – she carelessly spilled the beans.
When complete silence fell in response, the other girl realized what Ada had just told her cousin and started speaking in her place, choosing the words much more warily.
-Well, it's better that you had a good night's sleep here, that's all she's saying, cause we don't think there has ever been an incident like yours in the last like... two hundred years of Hogwarts, so you will definitely be the talk of the school in the days to come. Along with that Potter-boy, of course, yet still...
- But the Slytherins... they were so enraged! You should have seen their faces, really! – Adalie cut in - A muggleborn refusing the honour the Hat bestowed on her, oh, those stuck-up asses will learn like they haven't for years.
- Language! – the Hufflepuff was clearly the best-behaved one here.
- You girls are still in here? – Madame Pomfrey inquired slightly annoyed, when she took a look inside from the other part of the office, as if summoned by the swearword.
- We're on our way out, Mrs. Pomfrey! – the blonde lied, quietly whispering to the others under her breath – So, we gotta go, where are your things El?
- I don't think I had anything with me other than my robes. And I still got them on – Elena muttered as she got out of bed.
The nurse appeared in the doorway the moment she stood up.
- If you feel dizzy please report to me immediately, so that I can aid you with appropriate medicine, if need be – she ordered her on her way back, giving her the her wizarding hat that must have been brought along with her to here and which she must have kept in the other room for her. She handed it to her and then waited until the door closed behind them before she returned to her part of the wing.
The three girls left the nurse's office and they walked through the corridors right to the staircase leading to the dungeons. Just before the door Elena stopped and looked at them with uncertainty.
- We'll go with you and wait, don't worry! – Felicia reassured her.
- But I don't even know the password!
- Oh... right – she gasped with realisation – Then maybe I can go to Dumbledore to fetch it for you? – the brunette offered.
- Yes, thank you Felicia! Meanwhile we can as well get downstairs and try getting you in somehow – Ada decided for her cousin again.
As they descended suddenly Elena saw something fall out of her hat. It turned out to be a small piece of paper with the three sentences:"Two lefts, three rights, one left. Dendroaspis polylepis (Black Mamba). Never share with outsiders or you'll face the worst of fates." written on it with harsh black lines of ink that disappeared the moment she shifted her gaze from it.
- I think I have the password! – she said, suddenly a bit more hopeful.
For now, she decided, it was better to postpone wondering who could have written the hints and focus on getting to breakfast and facing whatever music she inadvertently composed for herself yesterday, she was, however, planning to solve that riddle sooner or later.
Finally she reached the doors to the Slytherin common room, leaving the older girl at the entrance to the dungeons, far outside the range of hearing, while she said the proper Latin name of the species and to her pleasant surprise was indeed allowed to enter. She gathered up all of her determination as she marched swiftly through the long, green room lighted by the eerie afterglow coming from the lake.
- Look who decided to show up! The muggle who is too good for the Slytherin House! – she heard the bully from yesterday snarling, but she forced herself not to turn her head towards her.
She managed to get to the bedrooms undisturbed apart from the numerous unwelcoming stares, and inside she found her bed easily as the suitcases as well as Supersteses' cage were lying right beside it. Not having enough time to unpack now, she only gave the bird something to eat and then went into the bathroom to brush her hair and teeth before she left, still wary of any possible confrontation with her housemates.
When she was returning to her cousin waiting outside, the vicious girl was already gone, which Ada confirmed the second she saw Elena:
- Was that blondie the bitch that tormented you yesterday?
- What? Yes, why?
- Oh, she had something against a Raven hanging out here, of course. You can sit with us during breakfast, by the way, I'm sure the prefect won't mind, given your current... situation – they continued talking while on their way to the Great Hall.
Upstairs they met Felicia, who apologised for not being able to retrieve the password since the principal claimed he did not know it himself and then tried to convince Elena that she should "give the Snakes a try".
- Maybe they're not as bad as they seem?
The younger girl, being rather easily swayed in her opinions, listened to her and sat with the Slytherin 1st years at first. When she approached the table she heard a murmur rolling through her housemates. She took her place amongst the youngest of the students and started eating. They didn't hassle her, indeed, but they didn't want to talk to her either, possibly frightened that the rage of the older pureblood could transfer to them easily. The last straw that broke the camel's back was, however, the push she received, presumably from Cassius when he was passing her, because it definitely came from far above her head. She then stood up and ostentatiously moved with her plate to the Ravenclaw's table instead. "Well, I really hope that Potter guy is gossip-worthy, more so than me at least" she thought to herself, catching the curious glances. "But at least I'll have someone to talk to for the rest of the meal". She was right about that, since her cousin and her friends were almost equally glad about the change of seats as she was herself and they finished eating while discussing the recipes for potions as well as the love-lives of Natasha and Adalie.
After breakfast Elena went back to her common room and took a quick shower before she prepared for her classes. Then she took the books and went behind the other Slytherins, keeping a safe distance.
First was Charms, with professor Flitwick. There she chose a seat next to Mandy, a Ravenclaw with strawberry blonde hair she recognised from the breakfast. Anything to avoid interaction with the Snakes. Unluckily, Draco Malfoy, who was late to the class, had to take the place on her left. They even interacted once, when the boy dropped his wand, failing to properly use the Lumos Charm that the teacher chose to start the course with, and she automatically leaned under her desk to fish for it.
- Thanks – he said, to her shock at the fact that even Slytherins could sometimes be polite.
Truly, she had no reason to think that before.
Next she had Herbology, where she shared the station in the greenhouse with another Ravenclaw, this time it being a dark-haired and olive-skinned girl named Padma, while professor Sprout explained to them what types of plants were in her care. They were supposed to have another, double period class each week with more practical work with actual plants and she was looking forward to it, even though she had some reservations towards the whole "gardening" part of this subject. It seemed that her desk mate had similar worries, so they bonded over it a little, although she was soon about to find out that the Patil twins were inseparable despite being in different houses and then they started to irritate her a bit.
The third lesson on that day was History of Magic – for many students possibly the least fascinating subject on their timetables, yet Elena, a person who despite having a "crazy witch" in her family already, knew almost nothing about the way magicians lived hoped to find it interesting. Sadly she was let down , and hugely, which she found out five minutes into the hour and a half class, when she started to become so drowsy, she had to fight it by drawing all over her notebook. But they had it with Gryffindor, so at least during the break she had her chance to talk to her boat companion from yesterday again.
- Hello Hermione – she started, approaching hers and the boys' desk in the short break during the doubled periods – Do you remember me from yesterday?
- Hello Elena, of course I remember you! This is Harry and that's Ron – she introduced the other two Gryffons – In case you don't remember after... you know – she alluded to the possible concusion of El's.
It seemed that one of the few perks of having caused such a scene during the Sorting Ceremony was not being classified as a foe straight away in the eyes of all of the pupils from the other houses. "I am the rebellious Snake, unlike the other vicious ones, right?" she found herself sort of enjoying that position.
- Did you know that the last time The Hat put a muggle-born in Slytherin was in 1857? – Hermione asked her leaning over to her when Elena sat in the temporarily empty chair next to Ron.
- Really? – she partly felt horrified by this fact, but also intrigued and slightly... proud to be so special.
- Yeah, I read about it in History of Hogwarts. That boy's name was Finneas Dayton, but I couldn't find any information about his life now, sadly. And with sorting that was not complying with the will of the student the situation is even more peculiar there is nobody that had this problem in the recent past, after the 1600s, to be exact – she explained.
- Whoah! That's nearly 4 hundred years! – the ginger boy seemed a lot more shocked than the actual addressee of that information.
"How is it that she's not in Ravenclaw?" – Elena wondered and almost immediately answered herself – "Well, the Hat apparently has a lot more knowledge than I had assumed before or maybe it's just my judgment that is poor, so in this case it must have been right as well."
- Yeah, this is shocking – she agreed. – If you find anything more about those people please let me know. And by the way how are you guys doing? – she added, somehow awkwardly, aware that her desperation in looking for friends might be apparent.
It seemed, however, that the girl didn't mind, since she eagerly responded with describing to her what they had been up to, focusing especially on the foolish mistakes Ron had made in Charms classes to the redhead's displeasure. Sadly, soon the deceased history professor came back into the classroom and after the bell rang the boring lecture was resumed, prompting Elena to return to her seat in the back, where she had the perfect view of her classmates, who she was sketching one by one. It turned out, however, that even her best efforts didn't shield her against the overwhelming sleepiness, which she lost her battle to about half an hour into the lesson.
When the bell rang the students hurriedly started leaving whilst she was still slowly coming back to reality, woken up by the noise. When she realised that this was the lunch-break, it was already too late to try to follow the three Gryffons, since they had disappeared somewhere a few minutes ago and even if they were heading towards the Great Hall she wouldn't be able to catch up with them. Being the shortest in the year, which she noticed during the Sorting Ceremony that she most likely was, had its numerous disadvantages. Not feeling very hungry and due to the lack of promise of cultivating a new friendship, she decided to go back to the Common Room and take care of Superstes first.
This time alone in the spacious chamber she actually had the time to admire the interior of the dungeon. It was rather dark, with sea-green wallpaper and dark brown panelling and heavy, emerald curtains around the huge windows facing the Great Lake, through the waters of which distorted sunlight fell inside. The mystic ambience was accentuated by the black skulls and skull-shaped candles standing everywhere on the mahogany shelves as well as on the decorative, green mantelpiece underneath which blue fire burned. When she suddenly saw movement, at first she thought it could be the squid coming closer to the windows once again, but to her disenchantment it turned out to be another student. "Draco" she assigned the name to the face quickly.
- What are you doing here? – they both said, almost in unison and burst out laughing.
- So, you go first – the blond boy said, commanded almost judging by the tone of his voice, when they both calmed down.
- I was going to feed my raven and patch up his leg. And you?
- I came to leave my books, alone. Don't tell them, but Crabbe and Goyle can be annoying sometimes, you know?
- How would I? I have no idea who those are yet – she smiled, shrugging. - I get it though. Everyone's tiring occasionally.
Suddenly the realisation dawned on him and she saw it written all over his face just before his behaviour changed drastically.
- You are that muggle-girl, aren't you? – he said with superiority.
- Yes. What about it? – she retorted with a question, preparing to defend herself verbally or otherwise, if need were.
"Well, now we can scrap all the nice housemates-talk, can't we?" she thought.
- This is not the House for muggle-borns – he said using that lofty tone again.
"Wonder where he learned that from? One would think they're talking to the Queen herself..." she sneered internally, not yet aware of the amount of conceit every resident of the Malfoy manor could serve with their words.
- Oh, I know, I've already been told countless times. What am I to do though? The Hat ignored me, so it must think I suit here. And I really want to, you know? It's just that everyone seems to hate me and it's only been a day – she said more sincerely, hoping that ditching the bellicose facade would cause him to do the same.
- Hmmm... – the boy shrugged, clearly conflicted between his beliefs and the fact that he didn't have anything against this girl, personally.
"She isn't arrogant unlike that Potter, bathing in spotlight and every teacher's attention" the young Malfoy considered. "But it's so strange that old hat felt it could add a muggle to Salazar's descendants."
- Which House do you think is the best, then? – he finally asked her after a pause.
Elena, deducing it was a trick-question, lied surely and without misgivings:
- Slytherin, because of its power and the talents it had birthed. I'm a huge fan of Merlin, for example. But I had always thought I was better suited for Ravenclaw, honestly.
"Adding that word at the end of a false tale like this is like seasoning a perfect dish." she stopped herself from chuckling openly, simultaneously praying he wouldn't try to quiz her about her newly acquired love for Merlin, about whom she had only heard the day before on the train.
- I agree – Draco smiled, to her relief – Now look at the time, we should already go if we want to eat at all! – he gasped, turning from the massive clock in the corner.
– I am Draco Malfoy, by the way – he added at the end, reaching out to her.
- I am Elena. Castel, though that's not important – she said, sheepishly downplaying her muggleness once again.
In that flipped order she officially met the Malfoy heir, who then hurried to the boys' bedroom and before she was done with Superstes' leg had already left. Then she followed his steps and made it to the Great Hall just in time to grab a sandwich and chat with Adalie before her next class.
Last on that day was another double-period class - Defence against the Dark Arts with professor Quirell, where she watched the stuttering man with amusement. "Does he even have any idea what he's trying to teach us about?" she asked herself a few times during those 90 minutes. He clearly was not well-respected amongst the older students either, as when he turned to get something out of a cabinet she noticed he had a card with a moving scribble of him falling down and the word "Doofus" reappearing in various fonts. "Truly, a work of art, possibly worth more time than said pupil spent studying the subject of D.A.D.A." Elena judged in her mind. She was, however, actually interested in the Lumos spell as she knew it would not be easy to get used to a life without electricity and had this was definitely something that could serve a similar purpose, at least in some cases. Therefore her attention was wandering a lot less than during the H.o.M. lessons.
The rest of the day was rather uneventful and the only thought that filled Elena's head when she was done with the classes was a very non-ravenclawy one: "Do they want to kill us with such a schedule for Mondays?". Luckily, the rest of the week turned out to be a lot less tiring, with a few highlights such as professor McGonagall brilliant scolding of the boys Hermione kept hanging out with and her equally absorbing Transfiguration classes, of course. And, at the very end of the week – El's first Potions class, which she both dreaded and was looking forwards too. After all, her favourite subject in the muggle world was chemistry, so the magical equivalent of it couldn't be that much different.
When professor Snape entered the classroom and slammed the door, the young Slytherin realised that this could potentially be the most stressful of all of her subjects, which he soon confirmed by greeting the students with the promise:
- I don't expect many of you to appreciate the exact art that is potion-making – his hoarse, intimidating voice filled the room - However, for those select few, who possess the predisposition... – he paused, looking at some of the Slytherins, herself not included - I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death, provided you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach.
Surely, she had been already informed about his strict ways, but either way did not expect the severity of it. Moreover, during the class she quickly discovered that she was not, in fact, the most unlucky amongst the whole year, when she heard the Potions' Master picking on the Gryffindors mercilessly throughout the whole lesson. Seeing that, she decided to pair up with Draco, when the time came, correctly expecting that sticking with her House could earn her sympathy in the cold eyes of Snape's.
She also felt a little weirded out by the knowledge that the vulture-like professor had, allegedly, helped her out after the Sorting Ceremony, not really convinced that Ada wasn't lying just for the sake of playing a joke on her. She had the luck of avoiding any interactions with the Head of her House earlier, so now his mean demeanour was an eerie reminder that she had already caught his attention, although involuntarily. Despite all those reservations and worries, she was immediately enticed by the "subtle art" the terrifying professor was supposed to teach them and swore to herself that she would excel in it, whatever it would take. Which, given the fact, that Snape wasn't known for leniency and judging by the students he was choosing to tease – could even be biased against those not of pureblood, might prove difficult. But she had the standards Adalie set to live up to, or else she would be mercilessly roasted by her during every family dinner.
A tawny-skinned man exited the restaurant in which a few moments before Lucius Malfoy was having a business meeting with his muggle associates. The man was wearing a grey suit with a black shirt underneath it, but his clothes were looking a lot cheaper than one would expect them to be, considering the great reputation of this place. He jaunted onto the street hurriedly, as if expecting to be stopped by someone anytime, but his walk still had a certain grace to it.
Less than five minutes have passed before that same man entered the building again, this time dressed in a waiter's uniform and through another door.
Meanwhile someone appeared in the stands of the Newmarket Courses. Literally appeared out of thin air, although only Knight of Mercy, the dark-bay stallion, seemed to have noticed. He shook his head unexpectedly when he saw the human with olive skin and long hair, almost as dark as his mane, from the paddock, and thus earned a scolding from his equestrian. The man he spotted did not realise that he had been observed or that his spell was apparently not working on magically apt animals, yet he probably wouldn't have cared either way, too focused on the goal of his visit to pay attention to meaningless details like that. And besides, he had already used up the power of his perfectionism for today in the managing of his meetings in such a way that neither his assistant nor his wife would be able to see through his falsehoods, which with his tight schedule for this Thursday was no small accomplishment.
He now took a look at all the horses in the paddock before they were led to their slots, both to take his impression into account when choosing his favourite and to calm himself down a little. He did respect nature quite a lot, and amongst the non-magical creatures horses were one of the species, he held in the highest esteem having always found their beauty oddly soothing. The glistening fur on their backs, the manes and tails dancing in the wind when they run... No wonder he was willing to pay so much for such views. And today he truly was perplexed by the accidental encounter he had the day before and felt mentally strained, barely able to enjoy himself at all.
"What exactly am I afraid of?" he asked himself. "Severus would never dare to betray me" he tried to appease himself, but despite their history he wasn't sure he could trust him on this. He knew how much that man respected Narcissa, therefore it could very well be possible that he would be more loyal to her than to him and alarm her. Maybe if he had at least given him an explanation... But that was too hard, almost unachievable on his part, as he felt far too uneasy sharing his secrets willingly. Oh, the worries of an addict."What do I even do it for if it could cost me so much?" he thought in a brief moment of reason. "Because I'd trade my dignity for the thrill" he admitted with resignation, approaching the bookies' stand and taking his place in the queue. He didn't fit in with those people, mostly middle-class muggle males, who were coming there to spend a half of their salaries on fatuous decisions and to get away from their responsibilities and nagging wives trying to talk some sense into them. It was visible even in this disguise. His gaze and disposition transferred between the bodies as did the manner of speech, full of haughtiness, all of which would betray him easily, were he confronted with anyone that knew either him or this waiter well. Not possessing any talents in acting or pretending, he was constantly playing with fire. Or would "gambling on his name" be a better way to phrase it...
Luckily for him, he had no idea of how close he came to being discovered today, otherwise he would have risked even more on Smiling Sun coming first, when it was finally his turn to place his bet. Although the wizard was already using up all of his shrewdness on the meticulous planning, even with magic one could not predict all of the variables, neither in betting itself nor in covering up his absences and the addiction as a whole. But one thing was certain – that it seemed worth it, only in those brief moments of excitement after the gates were lifted up and the horses would discharge onto the course. Only then was his mind clear of all tribulations, until they'd come to hit him with double force during the counting of the money lost (or won, although lately the latter version was less frequent) at least. His "passion", like he would euphemistically call it in those rare cases when he'd meet someone with a similar pastime, whom he could easily blackmail into keeping the secret if need be (before they'd dare to use it as a leverage against him, that is), required a lot of money and other resources, especially those necessary to hide it from most people.
Not only was it shameful for a wizard to devote himself to gambling at all, it being a devastating muggle addiction, it was all the more shameful for him, a respected man of pure blood and strong principles, who spoke of his fellow businessman with contempt solely for the fact that they were a different race.
With similar, fear-ridden thoughts filling his head he finally departed the stadium when the race ended with Perfolia outpacing his perceived frontrunner. He had nothing else to look for here, since he found others' joy exasperating and their sadness pathetic and was already halfway through the vial with Pollyjuice. Besides – he knew that there would be another race in a few week. He still could win.
He stood on the Albert's Bridge, eyes closed, strands of his hair now wet due to the heavy fog were whipping his face every time the wind blew. His cape was fluttering around him, although heavier than it usually felt. He pulled out his wand with a clear intention in his head and when he felt it pulsating in protest he forced it to obey his will. Painfully twisting his hand he pointed it at himself and prepared to say the incantation. He had more than enough practice with this one, but it was going to be the last time he'd cast it. It was as if his lips stopped obeying him just like that piece of cherry wood just tried to. When he finally managed to utter the words quietly, trembling either out of fear or because of the chilly air surrounding him, a flash of red light brightened the night. He looked at the cloudy night sky for the last time and closed his eyes. In the otherworldly gleam, his body fell down inertly and landed in Thames, causing the water to spatter all around when the black waves of the river swallowed it as a hungry creature would its prey.
He opened his eyes and realized he was standing by Lily's grave, possibly trying to pray to gods he had never believed in when he drifted off. Suddenly he felt someone's hand delicately placing itself on his shoulder.
- It's fine. I don't blame you, Severus - he heard the woman's voice whispering faintly, Lily's voice.
It took a while before he noticed that on the grave there were three names. The third one, freshly whittled, seemed to scream to him from the silent grey stone - Harry James Potter. He felt his throat clenching as if there was a noose around it.
- I... I... – he stuttered, his chest aching and mind racing in terror – I am sorry... – he said, knowing well that those were just empty words when he fell short so badly. The only thing he could have done for her, to honour her posthumously was saving the person she risked her life with such grim consequences, and he did not manage to do it. He failed her. Again. The solemn expression on his face started to twist into a spasm of tearless weeping.
He turned around, looking for solace in her eyes. To his horror he only saw void. The green irises were gone, replaced by darkness. That was not his Lily anymore. The creature that was addressing him with this dear stolen voice smiled at him viciously and reached for his hand. Unable to back away, he was forced to watch as it turned the features he once loved into monstrosity while it changed shape. When it stopped it had the face of Albus Dumbledore. Then it tore apart the sleeve of his robe and looked at his dark mark with utmost disgust.
- I don't blame you, Severus – it repeated, now with the deep voice of the headmaster – I condemn you.
He woke up unable to breathe and with his blood running as cold as the marble floor he stood upon after getting up from his bed. He approached the tall window and moved the heavy, black curtain to look into the depths of the lake. It was black as the void he'd dreamed of, the light of the moon barely reflected only in the layers of water that were closer to the surface. He listened in, hearing only the waves clashing against the magically reinforced glass. And suddenly – a laugh coming from somewhere on his right.
A few minutes later the door to the Slytherin Common Room opened unexpectedly, scaring the 5th years who were currently trying to communicate with the ghost of Merlin as appropriate on the night before Halloween, and revealed a tall silhouette of their professor with a bat-like cape and an expression on his face much angrier than any phantom that could have been summoned by them.