CHAPTER SIXTEEN: The lake

Pansy Parkinson hated being hungover. She woke up and immediately regretted it as a throbbing headache shot through her skull. She slowly opened her eyes, hoping there wouldn't be much sun to intensify her pain. Luckily, it was as rainy as it was the night before. She noticed it wasn't her dormitory – on her other side laid Draco and at the foot of the bed – Theo with his head on the floor but legs up. Also, for some reason, he had a curly golden wig on – which she had no idea where it came from. There must have been magic involved, but she couldn't remember it clearly. Although, it was quite obvious it had something to do with Lockhart.

She looked over to the rest of the room – Blaise was lying in his bed and had his hair turned red. This, she remembered, happened after Zabini fell asleep. Needless to say, it was Theo's doing. Crabbe and Goyle were nowhere to be seen, and she wondered where they had gone and where they'd spent the night.

She took a glass from the nearby bedside table, and after a frantic search of her wand, she filled it with water. Even though she drank two full glasses, she was still thirsty.

'Look who's up,' said a quiet voice behind her and she looked around to see half-awoken Draco with his hair in a state of a complete mess. She laid down next to him.

'I think I might be dying,' she sighed theatrically and he chuckled.

'You're not the only one.'

'D'you think I'll have a lot of explaining to do with the girls?' she asked.

'I suppose,' he replied, pulling her close. 'Might as well have something to talk about, no?'

He lifted her chin and kissed her sweetly, but she pulled away.

'You taste like whisky,' she groaned.

'So do you,' he said, raising an eyebrow.

'Well, you might have a higher tolerance than me, because I'm pretty sure I won't touch whisky for approximately half a year now.'

'I'll remind you about that in, at most, two weeks,' he grinned.

'Get a room, you two,' said Theo out of the sudden, apparently wide awake – although remaining in his bizarre position.

'We would, Nott, if rooms weren't for five,' replied Draco with a devilish smile.

'Besides, technically we're already in a room, aren't we?' asked Pansy innocently.

'Very funny. You two are absolutely hilarious.'

'What? What is going on?' asked Blaise suddenly, sitting upright.

They all looked at him and burst out laughing. It must have hurt his ego because the first thing he did was look for a mirror.

'Dear Merlin,' he commented when he saw his bright red hair. 'Nott!'

But Theo was already gone – or so it seemed. Pansy knew this spell all too well. After all, it was Nott with who she practised concealment charm when she couldn't get the hang of it after lessons with Umbridge.

Pansy decided to go look for the girls – or at least Daphne. It's not like any of the others would like to talk to her and right back at them. Obviously, she could tell the truth, but would they believe? They were very pushy about her relationship with Draco. But truth be told, she herself has been talking about it non-stop for the last five years. Oh, what an idiot she was. If they were at least trustworthy – but they were as far from it as possible.

Luckily, or not, she ran into Daphne just as she was about to enter her dorm.

'Walk of shame, is it?' she asked with a smirk, sizing her up. Pansy might not have looked her best.

'Not really,' she replied truthfully. 'Guys and I… might have drunk a bit too much.'

'...And is there something else I should know about?' she persisted, smile not leaving her face.

'Apart from Nott wearing a blond wig, I don't suppose so.'

Daphne still didn't seem convinced, though. Pansy sighed heavily.

'Look,' she said. 'We fell asleep. Theo and Blaise were with us the whole time –'

'That's certainly one thing to make it more interesting,' chuckled Daphne with a raised eyebrow.

Pansy just glared at her thunderously.

'Okay, okay, I believe you, I'm just teasing' she said finally, raising her arms defensively. 'But I promise you, it'll be twice as hard with both Milicent and Tracey.'

'You think I don't know that?' groaned Pansy. She didn't want to think about it, but she entered the room, holding her breath.

Tracey and Milicent looked as if they were born with ironic smiles on their faces. Pansy decided not to look at them, so she went straight to her wardrobe to take the clothes. The rest two were whispering urgently behind her back.

'Something you want to ask me?' she spat out, turning around to face the witches.

Both of them looked startled at that question, but it was the red-haired one that decided to comment first:

'It's not like you to not come back to the room for a night, is it?'

'I'd say it's… exactly like me,' Pansy retorted with a raised eyebrow.

She has left their dorm lots of times during the nights when she couldn't sleep. Of course, she always came back shortly after, but stating that it was unusual, was plain stupid.

'You're feisty. It means something happened,' continued Tracey.

'Nothing happened, but something is happening right now. Putting up with you,' she fired back.

At the same time, she was choosing between the green and the black shirt.

'Come on, Pansy,' Bulstrode spoke up. 'Spill the beans!'

She looked at both of them sceptically. She knew all too well that no matter what she would tell them, they'd already had their own story that they will stick to, no matter what.

'We had a party,' she said simply.

'How did it end?' asked Tracey, almost ecstatic.

'With Theo dressing up as Lockhart and Blaise with red hair.'

The other two blinked, clearly shocked. Not the answer they were prepared to hear.

'Right,' sneered Milicent after a moment.

'You could see for yourselves, but I suppose they have already gone back to normal. Plus, I doubt anyone will say anything. So you just have to believe me,' she stated with a devious smile, shrugging.

'Like Nott would do something like that,' jeered Tracey. 'He's so… Um...'

'Uptight?' prompted Milicent.

'Yeah, totally.'

Pansy looked at them pityingly.

'Well, maybe that's because he doesn't feel the need to open up to people,' she said, going through her stuff to find a toilet bag.

She went to the bathroom without a second glance. She decided to leave that negativity. She couldn't stop the gossips either way, but she didn't have to engage in meaningless conversations.

In the evening, when Pansy decided she'd studied enough for the coming week, she went down to the Common Room. She noticed Theodore and Blaise sitting by the fire, so she sat down with them.

'How are you guys holding up?' she asked, seeing how tired they were.

'Not very good, thank you for asking,' replied Theo gloomily.

She shot him a worried look.

'Draco today was very grumpy,' explained Blaise.

'He was nice in the morning,' frowned Pansy.

Blaise shot her a meaningful glance.

'To you.'

Pansy shifted uncomfortably.

'Where is he?' she asked.

Theo and Blaise exchanged awkward glances.

'He – er – went for "a walk". Which is basically a ten in Draco's scale of being depressed,' said Theo carefully.

'Well, I'd, um… I'd better find him, then' she said awkwardly and went straight for the doors.

She could fill unsure glances of the two wizards, but she didn't turn around. She had to find Draco but had no idea where to look. If he went for 'a walk', there was a possibility to find him out in the grounds, maybe by the lake. Although it was late, she knew he liked going there, even if it meant breaking the rules. Therefore, she was not surprised when she saw a tall, brooding figure standing at the shore, looking into the silvery darkness of the water.

She walked over, not sure if he even wanted to see her. It was rather a hasty decision, but since she'd already found him, it would be stupid to leave now.

'Hi there,' she said quietly so as not to scare him.

He looked around but did not smile when he saw her. He turned towards the lake again.

'Hi,' he replied even more quietly.

'It's beautiful out here,' she said, feeling incredibly stupid.

Was that really a thing to say right now? Although she must have admitted, the moon was spectacularly bright tonight, which only added more silvery sparks to the surface of a lake.

'It is,' he agreed.

They stood in silence for a second, while Pansy wondered what she could possibly say right now. She didn't want to upset him. And yet, she knew that if she asked what's going on, he'd only get angry.

'What are you doing here?' he asked finally, glancing at her every few seconds.

'I've come to find you,' she replied truthfully, studying him.

He looked tired, more and more with each day. She supposed that the task had left a mark on him, he could not just remove with a good night's sleep.

'How did you know I'd be here?'

Pansy looked at him in surprise.

'Well… It wasn't that hard to guess, was it?'

'I suppose not,' he agreed, looking into the distance.

They stood a minute longer, a complete silence around them. It was so peaceful.

'Why?' he asked suddenly, staring straight into her eyes, which made her weak in her knees.

'Why what?'

'Why did you come to find me?'

Pansy weighed her words carefully.

'Well, Blaise and Theo said you were… not in the mood today. And that you went for a walk.'

'Yes, but why?' he asked again, grabbing her by the arm and not averting his gaze for even a second.

'Er… I- You know why,' she replied resignedly, looking down at her feet.

'Why?' he persisted.

She looked at him pleadingly.

'Don't make me say it.'

He looked taken aback for a second. He let go of her arm and stared into the distance again.

'Why wouldn't I make you say it?' he asked after a moment, while she stared at him, slightly terrified.

'The same reason you left me here last time,' she said quietly, tears already stinging her eyes.

His face was impossible to read – it didn't express anything.

'Maybe I regret it.'

'Either you do, or you don't.'

He sighed, turning the other way. He didn't even look at her. Not once.

'I'm just not sure how long I can keep up like that,' she added. 'It's just… painful.'

Draco finally looked over at her, regretfully.

'That wasn't my intention.'

'I know,' she whispered, looking down.

'It's not that I… I just can't.'

'Nor can I, not like that,' she admitted.

They were standing, looking into the dark lake and black trees looming over it. It seemed as if it was entirely deserted, even animals were nowhere to be seen or heard.

'I love you, though, you know,' he said suddenly and she breathed sharply, completely perplexed.

She looked at him wide-eyed and completely lost the ability to speak. She felt like she should say something, but she just stood there, with her mouth agape. He took her completely by surprise.

'But… Right now it's just… It's too complicated, and it's a bad time, and... And there will be even more bad times from now on. You're already too involved, and I have to protect you the only way I can. I- I'm sorry,' he said, merely looking at her.

And then, he left towards the castle without a second glance.

He left her. Again. In the exact same spot.

Pansy Parkinson was left alone again.