Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling. The members of the Secret Sealing Club are the creations of ZUN.

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Chapter 08 – Heartfelt Fancy

The third Monday of September came without much fanfare. The first meeting of the as-yet-unnamed club had gone smoothly, and Harry thought that Impediment Jinxes could be started on the coming week.

Still, peace was never the natural state of affairs at Hogwarts. With Harry's surprising docility towards Umbridge (at least, from the second lesson on, where he had learnt the neat trick of hiding whatever he wanted to read inside Defensive Magical Theory), and his resignation from the Quidditch team, the vitriol towards him had diminished somewhat, to be replaced by a sort of almost morbid curiosity.

Still bloody annoying how Umbridge tries to get a rise out of me every lesson, but at least she's slowing down. Besides, it's not as if I'm shouting my head off about Voldemort's return any more.

Toad-faced teachers aside, Harry had other problems to deal with, some of which were harder than others.

Potions, for one. While Harry was beginning to excel in all his wand-based subjects, improved theory stemming from his more extensive reading, the presence of Snape and the lack of one Hermione Granger meant that his grade in Potions was suffering. Surprisingly, it was Hannah Abbott that put forth several sensible suggestions and tips, after one particularly frustrating study session on Sunday night.

"You say you always misread the instructions, so why don't you just copy them down where you can see them easier?" The clear exasperation in her voice was leagues different from the meekness she normally exhibited. "And you," Hannah jabbed her finger at Neville, who shrank back at the sudden ferocity, "need to stop jumping every time Snape twitches!"

Neville could only awkwardly scratch his head in embarrassment.

Wow, I guess people are really different when talking about something they're passionate about.

The second, something Harry hoped to solve soon with "remedial Divination", was the dreams. Somehow, it seemed that simply being back at Hogwarts was beginning to take the edge off, not to mention both the physical and magical exercise, but there were times that Harry still woke up with Cedric Diggory's dead body in his eyes and a silent scream in his throat. There was also the endless corridor, in a place that he had never been before, full of orbs of white smoke.

Everything went in the dream diary. The true dream diary, that is, under a Locking Charm and a few layers of Befuddlement Hexes that Harry had managed to scrounge up, that would never see the light of day in an ordinary lesson.

Weeks earlier, Harry had been hesitant to share his nightmares with the Divination Professors. But now, with everything that had happened, he felt as if they had gained some measure of his trust.

(That, and he had checked the Marauder's Map one evening, just to make sure they weren't a pair of Polyjuiced impostors. After the Moody incident the previous year, any sane person would think to take some simple precautions.)

Besides, they were going to read his mind, so there would be no point trying to hide anything, right?

As Harry neared the door of the Divination office, he saw two students being ushered out. Scraps of conversation floated down to him.

"No, Mr Boot, transformation magic does not work that way, even in Japan." There was a laugh, which appeared to be from Renko. "Miss Li, if you want a magical costume you'll have to sew it yourself. But your other ideas seem sound; I'll be happy to meet with both of you again. Now off you go!"

The departing pair of students seemed to be in high spirits, and were laughing and jabbing at each other jokingly. As they passed Harry, the boy gave a friendly nod, while the girl flashed him a quick smile, both in greeting. Harry nodded back slightly awkwardly, not really recognizing their faces, while noting the blue trim on their robes.

"I swear, some of these students have the weirdest ideas," Renko seemed to be saying. "Well then, I'm off. Tell me if anything happens, alright?"

"Yes, yes," Merry's voice sounded from inside the office. "Don't worry."

"Mr Potter," the Assistant Professor turned and greeted Harry, touching the brim of her hat. "Professor Merry is waiting. Good luck and remember to relax." With that said, Renko turned and left, and Harry entered the office to meet a smiling Merry.

~~[q]~~

"Occlumency," Merry said in lieu of a greeting, once she shut the door. "You would think that with such a convenient field of magic around, people would be rolling over to learn it, correct? Organizing your thoughts, improving your memory, making yourself think clearer and faster…"

Harry nodded automatically.

"Well, know that the mind is a complicated and dangerous thing to read. Do you know of the magical species called the satori?"

Harry shook his head no.

"The satori are a species of youkai that exist back in magical Japan. In their wild form they resemble apes that walk on two legs, with fur all over their bodies. More normally, their resemble humans, just with an extra eye."

Harry pictured an ugly man like a Cyclopes, with a third eye resting on its forehead. His expression must have shown on his face, because Merry stood and retrieved a book from one of the office's overflowing bookshelves.

"Records of the Symposium of Post-Mysticism…Part 4…Komeji…here it is." Propping up the open book on her knee, like a storyteller reading to a group of children, Merry showed Harry the picture.

The satori, dressed in an old-fashioned blouse and skirt, could easily have passed off as a young woman, if not for the "third eye", which rested at her breast like a necklace, connected by swirling cords of purple. Unfamiliar runes lined the rest of the page.

Harry looked back up at Merry.

"Satori have the ability to hear thoughts or intentions, much like how we can hear sounds with our ears. However, much like our ears, this ability can't be turned off, unlike how you can close your eyes to stop seeing. This led to enough distress for one of them that she forcibly closed her Third Eye."

That doesn't sound so bad.

Merry looked at Harry's expression, and saw fit to elaborate. "In human terms, it would be like taking a stick and puncturing your eardrums because you couldn't stand hearing sounds any longer."

Never mind.

"That is one of the dangers of mind magic. And in case you think such is irrelevant because that person isn't a human, you can imagine what happens when a human, without the natural ability to read minds gains such an ability through Legilimency, then becomes unable to turn it off."

Merry allowed a moment a silence for the implications to sink in before continuing.

"There are whole wards in magical hospitals devoted to the care of those who ran afoul of the mind magics they were practicing. Legilimencers who thought they were other people after reading too many minds. Occlumencers who tried enhancing their speed of thought, and end up having to watch a second pass by in ten years while still having the physical capabilities of a normal human, forever trapped in a world perpetually slowed."

Another pause.

"This is why the texts on mind magics are restricted, and why you cannot learn mind magic out of a book alone, not without risks. Even the beginner texts represent a gateway to great potential harm to oneself. But," Merry held up a finger, "if you are careful, and you have the supervision of a teacher, there is no need to worry."

After what was said, I think there is a Real Need To Worry, but I don't see any other way to catch up to Voldemort and stop these damn nightmares. It's time.

"Now, do you have any questions before we begin?"

"No, professor."

Merry frowned. "Are you sure, Harry? Do you not even want to ask more about what we're going to be doing first? It's not good to just accept everything, especially after I told you that the magics we'll be learning will be dangerous."

That's a good point, but…

"I trust you, Professor." Harry said simply.

"Even so, Mr Potter." Merry gave a soft sigh. "It's not good to just blindly accept everything. But thank you." Her face softened. "Now, do you want to begin with the theoretical, or the practical?"

"Definitely the practical, Professor." Harry said quickly.

"I th-foresaw that it might go either way, Mr Potter. Well then, we shall begin with learning to grasp mental intrusions; to feel the shape of them in one's mind. I am afraid that this is something only learnt through practice, so prepare yourself." Merry raised her wand.

Wait, wha–

"Legilimens!"

It was not only memories, but thoughts as well: the worries over getting strong enough to face Voldemort, and the training in the Room of Requirement; the recurring nightmares of the graveyard and the endless corridor; the concerns over what he was going to teach the club.

Then the images receded, revealing Merry's concerned face. "Are you all right, Mr Potter?"

"Yeah," Harry shook himself. "Just caught unawares. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologise; you're here to learn, after all." Merry shook her head. "That was the Legilimens: the mind-reading spell. As for what you might have witnessed, I was specifically targeting 'what you have been most concerned about the past few days'."

That means she saw…ah, crap.

"No worries, Mr Potter. Now, I am going to do it again. This time, try to feel when my magic intrudes upon your mind. From what I have seen–and I am sorry to use your own memories against you, in a manner of speaking–you hold considerable talent for wandless magic, so this should not pose a problem to you."

Harry nodded to himself.

"Remember, aim to feel. I know you can do it. Legilimens!"

A different set of images played: his wonder at seeing Diagon Alley for the first time, the feeling of the wind in his hair as he flew, the elation that he had a Godfather who wanted to take him in–

Got to focus, got to focus! Harry frantically thought, but as much as he looked within himself, he couldn't feel it, couldn't catch the foreign magic that he knew should be present because Merry had cast a spell–

"Mr Potter." The professor's voice cut across his panic.

Oh no, I didn't even notice she ended the spell! How am I even going to learn Occlumency if I can't even–

"Look up." At the clear and precise command, Harry's head snapped upwards, only to find himself breathing in a strange mist. In her hands, Professor Merry held an ordinary spray bottle, like the ones Harry himself had used to water his aunt's plants.

"Calming draught." She answered the unasked question. "Very diluted, but sometimes the placebo effect is strong enough on its own. A little bit of psychology comes into handy once in a while."

Harry felt himself nod automatically as the professor returned to her "teacher's voice".

"You know, my first instinct was to coddle you. Give you some tea and biscuits, tell you that everything will be fine, distract you with theory and go slowly. Things to that effect. I think that's what even Renko would have thought I'd do."

Harry looked back at Merry's face.

"But I think you wouldn't want that, would you?" Merry met his gaze with an unyielding one of her own. "You and I and Renko know that sometimes, for certain things, there is no other way out, and that you can only rely on yourself."

Like being swarmed by a hundred Dementors with no adult you can call for help. Like being down in the Chamber with nothing but the Sorting Hat and a phoenix.

"Do you understand what I am telling you?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Good. I won't say anything dramatic like 'show me what you're made of', but…come. Let us walk this path of mastery together." Merry drew herself into a casting stance, and Harry's instinctively snapped to the same. "Get ready. Feel that presence in your mind. Repel it. Legilimens!"

It was easily one of the most gruelling lessons Harry had ever went through, demanding in a different way from when he pit himself against the simulations. Mind magic, by definition, involves the mind, and thus all of its complexity and complications embedded within. It was something similar to needing to remember a word while solving several mathematical equations quickly, while also simultaneously trying to detach yourself from the shame you feel while reliving your most embarrassing memories.

Nevertheless, Harry was equal to the task; with every Legilimens sent his way, he ruthlessly and relentlessly scoured his own mind for the foreign magic, even as flashes of memory played, unprovoked, in his mind's eye. To him, it felt like searching for a transparent fish at the bottom of the ocean.

At the end of two hours, Harry was trembling, and a sheen of cold sweat could be seen on his brow. He did not even notice himself sitting down, when the professor looped around and slid a chair under him.

"And that concludes our first Occlumency lesson, I think." Professor Merry was now bustling over at a table, and returned with two cups…of green tea. "Drink up; mind magic is a severely draining business."

Harry drank automatically. His ability to form coherent thoughts had deserted him a while back, and it would not return for several minutes.

In the meantime, Merry spoke in a conversational tone. "Back in Japan, I never drank green tea often, since I preferred western-style tea. But now that I'm over in Britain, I find myself wanting something that reminds me of home. It's quite amusing."

Harry's ingrained protocol of politeness, literally beat into him by the Dursleys, nodded Harry's head.

Silence reigned as Merry took a sip. "It's quite a paradox: you apparently have enough raw potential and instinct to perform wandless magic within a single week of learning about it, and yet the simplest task of sensing the magic of others, in the domain of your very own mind, remains opaque to you. I'm not really sure what to say, except that you might have the opposite of talent with regards to the Mind Arts. Even as you learned how to control your own emotions better, it seems to be in your nature to be honest, in one way or another."

Another pause; another sip.

And then Harry suddenly spoke. "Professor, will the nightmares start to get better?"

Merry sighed. "Not immediately. In fact, it might get worse first, because the session probably freshly reactivated a lot of mental pathways corresponding to bad memories. But once you get more comfortable with laying magic in your mind, you can put down some structure, which will help abate the worst of the negative emotions. The exercises are described later on in The Hidden Arte, and I give you permission to continue as you see fit."

Harry nodded, and realised that his teacup was empty. "Thank you for today, Professor."

"Don't worry about it. Like what Renko–Professor Usami– and I said previously: our door is always open. And to tell you the truth, there are numerous students with personal problems whom I am helping, and which I am not at liberty to name. Stress, homesickness, loneliness…and from my experience, it's worse for, should I say, prominent figures in society." She paused, as if recounting a memory. "Have a good rest, Mr Potter. I shall see you in class."

~~[q]~~

The week passed, as it was beginning to be customary, in a haze of schoolwork, the only change being that the Nameless Club was starting to sit together a bit more often in the library. While things were relatively smooth, it wasn't exactly peachy, not all the time.

"Will you stop casting that spell?" Ernie hissed over at Harry under his breath. He was beginning to suspect that their leader had some unholy obsession with Notice-Me-Not Charms, for it always seemed to be on every table they sat at.

"Sorry, force of habit." Harry mumbled.

"Oh, lay off him," Susan spoke up. "Even celebrities need their privacy sometimes."

"Hey!"

Harry's indignant reaction set off some chuckles in the group.

Attempting to change the subject, Harry turned to the girl on his left, whom he noticed was attempting to write with a slightly broken quill. Again.

Something else that needs doing.

Trying to sound as casual as possible, he spoke quietly. "Luna, are…"

It's not going to work if you ask her outright. Harry's instinct spoke to him, and he cut off his sentence. I need to…work around.

"Yes?" The cherubic blonde gave him a bright look.

"Luna, are…have your shoes still been, uh, journeying away on their own?"

The girl looked back down at her schoolwork. "Occasionally. A few other things, too. Why do you ask so suddenly?"

"No real reason," Harry said hastily.

Luna went back to her essay. Harry, however, began to plot.

But how do I even start? Even the Hufflepuffs... Harry was not the best at social navigation, but he did see things, like how the Hufflepuffs tended to group together, and how Neville was related by way of the Gardening Club, leaving himself and Luna to be somewhat odd ducks. It was actually a wonder how Harry could have established leadership at all, even if he was the one teaching them Defense.

They probably won't stand up for her. It'll probably be something like "just report it to the Prefects", and she'll probably be targeted even more afterward. Harry tried not to sound too bitter even in his own head, even as he recalled his time in primary school.

Time to recruit some Ravenclaws? It was a wild idea, but Harry thought that maybe an alternative perspective would be useful. They'll probably know more spells. And if I could deal with Hermione for four years, well, there shouldn't be a problem.

Aside from the fact that I haven't interacted with any of them apart from Quidditch. And even then it's unlikely that they'll be what I'm looking for…wait, am I actually looking for something?

"Urgh," Harry said out loud.

"Harry?" Neville spoke up from his right. "Something wrong?"

"Nah, just thinking. About things."

Neville nodded simply and went back to his book. His quiet dependability was one of the things Harry had grown to appreciate from his friend since the start of term, a far contrast to the constantly bickering Ron and Hermione.

Idly, Harry noted the book in front of him, which seemed to be depicting a man slowly rotting away at the foot of a black, leafless tree, in the centre of a dense, dark forest. The top of the page held the a caption in bold: GERMANY – The Forest of Einnarshe.

Looking back at his friend's face carefully, he ventured a question. "Is this going to be in OWLs?"

The round-faced boy shook his head, looking slightly embarrassed. "Not really. I'm actually taking a break right now."

Susan spoke up again. "For your information, Harry, Flesh-Eating Trees of the World is a NEWT-level text." There was a teasing grin on her face.

Harry looked from the book, to her, and finally to an abashed-looking Neville. Putting on his straightest face, he gave a stoic reply.

"I don't see the problem."

"Thanks, Harry–"

"But you might want to burn any potted plants Neville gets you for Christmas, just to be safe."

Susan let out a snort as Neville stared woodenly at Harry in response.

Symposium of Post-Mysticism was first mentioned as existing back in Chapter 4 as one of the books in Merry's office. In-universe, it is the minutes of a dialog between some of the most prominent figures in Gensokyo. In our world, a translation is available on the English Touhou Wiki (the one ending with "net", not the dammned wikia).

I've also heard that "Einnarshe" is spelt "Ainnash" these days, but eh, it's just a bit of flavor text.

Review please!