"Well, they're all three down for the night," said Crane, as he entered his room where Emilia read in bed. "Of course I'm sure it will only be temporary, but constant interrupted sleep seems to be the price of parenthood."
"It's usually worth it," replied Emilia, not looking up from her book. Crane dressed in his pajamas, and then climbed into bed next to his wife, reaching for his own book.
"Are you all right, my dear?" he asked at last.
"Why shouldn't I be?" she asked, looking over at him.
"You've been reading that same page for the past five minutes," he commented. "You're usually a faster reader than that."
"You're spying on my reading now, Jonathan Crane?" she asked, shutting the book and smiling at him.
"No, I'm just glad I can win one of our speed reading contests for once," he replied, smiling back.
She kissed him, and cuddled into his arms. "Something is on my mind, since you asked," she said. "It's about what Harley said today, about everyone going through a rebellious phase."
"Well, yes, she's a competent psychiatrist," replied Crane. "And it's objectively quite true for the population in general. But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you if you haven't gone through that phase."
"I just feel like I must have missed out on something," said Emilia. "The joys of being a rebellious teenager. Don't you feel like you've missed out on that?"
"I'm not sure what joys teenagers actually have," retorted Crane. "That whole part of my life was a complete nightmare which I try every day to forget."
"Yes, I suppose there's no turning back the clock, and we should be grateful for that," sighed Emilia. "Still, it does seem a shame to have missed such a fundamental part of growing up, or to have had it marred as yours was. Mine too, for that matter, though I suspect you had it worse. But there's no way to recreate those years now."
Crane was silent. "Isn't there?" he asked at last. "I mean, if it's important to you, my darling…"
He trailed off. "What?" prompted Emilia.
"Well, since Joker's supposedly trying out what it's like to be responsible, maybe we could try out what it's like to be irresponsible," said Crane. "Obviously by first taking responsibility and dropping our children off with a responsible person so they're not affected. But we could set aside a day or two to do all those things carefree teenagers are meant to experience. That way we can make up for the time we lost, and hopefully lay to rest some horrible teenage memories by replacing them with pleasant ones, and you can experience your rebellious phase all at the same time."
"That's a very practical solution," said Emilia, nodding slowly. "I expect nothing less from you, Jonathan Crane, of course. Which is why if we were to go through with it, it would be very odd to see you acting impractical. I'm not sure I'd like it."
"I think you're the only person who thinks a costumed supervillain is a practical person, my angel," retorted Crane.
"Well, obviously not in all aspects of your life, but in general, you're an orderly, methodical, logical man," replied Emilia. "As Harley said to Joker, I'm not sure I can envision you acting completely against character. Mind you, I can't envision you as a rebellious teenager at all. What did you even look like as a teenager?"
"I think similar to what I do now," said Crane. "I was always too skinny and lanky."
"I would have seen you as a goth or something," said Emilia. "Or did such subcultures not exist in the far off eons when you were in high school?"
"I'll ignore that, my dear," he said, kissing her. "What about you? What were you like as a teenager?"
"Oh, exactly the same," replied Emilia. "Obviously a little more insecure, but I definitely dressed and acted the same, which is why I was picked on. Teenage girls tend to try and be very glamorous, which I never was."
"I would have adored you back then," he replied.
"You would have been nowhere near the same age as me, and it would have just been creepy," retorted Emilia. "But then that does seem in character, doesn't it?"
He glared at her, and she giggled, kissing him. "I love you, Jonathan Crane," she said. "Should we ask Jervis to watch over the children then?"
"Yes, let's see when he's available," said Crane. "We should probably do some other responsible preparation too, such as notifying some emergency contacts in case things get out of hand."
"Yes, let's have a hotline to the Batsignal," agreed Emilia. "They lock teenagers up in Arkham now, don't they? We could feel right at home."
"Obviously I meant people who are our friends, not ridiculous vigilantes in bat costumes," retorted Crane.
"Well, if things get too out of hand, he'll probably appear," said Emilia. "Although I don't know if acts of teenage rebellion are enough to interest him."
"Anything that allows him to exert his authority over those he judges to be criminal," said Crane. "Now there's a man who constantly lives out his teenage rebellion fantasies. If he were to just grow up and be responsible for his own life, it would probably go a long way towards resolving the issues that make him try and police others in the first place."
"Yes, I suppose the danger in giving in to rebellion is that there is the possibility that one gets a taste for it, and never grows out of it," replied Emilia.
"Well, fortunately we have the children to be responsible for," said Crane. "I know Batman has that Robin child, but he doesn't seem to take responsibility for him either, dragging him along on dangerous missions and all. But I have a feeling once you get this rebellious experience out of your system, you'll be glad to go back to living a normal life."
"A normal life married to my supercriminal husband and hanging out with our supercriminal friends," agreed Emilia. "Yes, indeed, I am living the normal dream."
He kissed her fondly. "One way this experience will be very different from my teenage years is the fact that I have you," he murmured. "That's already made it all better, having someone who loves me by my side."
"Mmm, and I suspect there will be more sex than the zero amount of it I had as a teenager," agreed Emilia, unbuttoning his pajama top.
"Well, yes, quite," he murmured. "Though I do draw the line at unprotected sex, knowing our record on that."
"Agreed," she said, kissing down his chest. "That's one responsible line I won't cross. Three children is quite enough."
There was crying from the neighboring room suddenly. "There, you see?" sighed Emilia, climbing out of bed. "Honestly, at this rate, if we're without children for the weekend, I would rather spend it on a nap than on rebellion. Which is actually very similar to my teenage attitude, now that I think about it, so I suppose the fundamentals haven't changed. Aside from being madly in love with my husband, and deliriously happy with my family, of course," she added, kissing him. "So in that fundamental way, everything has changed for the better."
"Indeed," said Crane. "This might end up being a good form of therapy for us after all, chasing away the demons of our adolescence."
"Or inviting in new ones," said Emilia, heading off to comfort her child. "You never know."
"No, I don't suppose you do," agreed Crane, returning his attention to his book. "But really, what's the worst that could happen?"