Word Count: 6,029
Warnings/Spoilers: Some significant description of gun violence contributing to dissociation and PTSD triggers in this chapter. Please handle with care.

The feelings that had lain somewhat dormant, certainly unacknowledged, in relation to Eddie seemed to bloom into an out-of-control weed that threatened to knot around his throat and strangle him, or have thistles sharp enough to prick his hands and bleed out, every time he was around Eddie after Chris' party. How he felt was definitely not helped by his increasing awareness of just how tactile Eddie was in the aftermath of the party, mostly because Eddie seemed completely unaware of how Buck flushed with heat any time their hands brushed when swapping bowls or plates, or how he felt some sort of zap whenever Eddie's elbow bumped against his while they ate at the firehouse table, or how he longed for the moments when Eddie's knee would nudge against him as they swayed in the back of the truck on their way to a call and Eddie would flash him a grin that made his heart fall into his stomach.

He almost thought Eddie was doing it deliberately but the casual touches appeared to be no different to those that Eddie shared with Chim or Hen, so Buck chalked it up to Eddie being comfortably handsy in ways that made Buck want to crawl out of his own skin. It was awfully distracting and he was about ready to tug out his hair in frustration and curse Michael into the next century if it meant that the thoughts that kept swirling through his head would finally leave him alone. It didn't help that the way Eddie had looked at him while talking to Chris about his presents seemed to be burned into his retinas and it still had a way of taking his breath away sometimes when he stopped long enough to think about it.

In his latest attempt to avoid thinking about everything that drove him crazy about Eddie Diaz, he was playing Uno with Chim and Hen between calls. He had just put down his latest +4 and declared that the colour was blue when the sirens blared through the station, making them all startle. Buck cursed his luck, knowing Chim would probably claim he'd already taken the four cards and Buck had actually made the colour red by the time they returned. He'd have to try to remember that Chimney couldn't weasel out of it.

"To be continued," Chim sighed, folding his hand to the table while Buck took the stairs two at a time to get to the truck and pull on his hoodie, turnouts and helmet.

There was the typical flurry of movement around him as they dressed before Bobby called out sharply to Hen to bring the ambulance. She diverted to the other vehicle while the rest of them climbed in the rig, strapping on seatbelts. Chim ignited the truck's rumbling roar and Bobby flicked the switch for the sirens and then they were peeling out of the 118.

Eddie's knee brushed against his and Buck looked up with raised eyebrows. Eddie nodded his head towards Bobby in the front seat by way of explanation. When Buck craned his head around to try to get a look, he noticed how stiff Bobby was sitting and the tense look on his face.

"What have we got, Cap?" Chim said, turning to the right when Bobby made a motion at the intersection.

"Hostage situation," Bobby said, his voice tight and slightly strangled. "It's vague on the details as to whether it's a robbery gone bad or a domestic dispute. Dispatch said neighbours were reporting a lot of shouting and screaming."

Buck frowned, glancing back at Eddie who looked just as confused. "And we're going because…?"

"Because the cops requested medical support if this goes south," Bobby said and Buck…really didn't like the sound of that. There was a sense of hopelessness already in Bobby's voice that said a whole lot more than his scant words and he felt any good mood evaporate.

The remainder of the trip was made in silence and Buck became keenly aware of every turn, every bump, every little thing about the trip that sharpened into focus like it did when he worried a call was going to end badly. Ever since the bombing, he found it hard not to think about getting thrown when the truck swung around a corner. Ever since the bombing, he was afraid of worst case scenarios.

Eddie's hand brushed against his, his face almost certainly mirroring Buck's concern. Buck attempted a weak smile and forced his bouncing knee to steady so he stopped broadcasting how not-okay he was to someone that knew him too well.

Chim slowed the truck to a crawl and Buck looked outside, spying the line of police cars blocking the street. It was a safe-looking neighbourhood, with neat laws and white fences and pruned hedges and the occasional flag hanging from a pole above the porch. A robbery gone bad? He was putting money on a domestic dispute which just made him feel sicker when he thought about Maddie and Doug. It was hard to believe she'd finally escaped him almost a year ago. He barely concealed the shudder.

"Keep your eyes alert and be careful," Bobby ordered.

They nodded and descended slowly from the rig, staying close to the side of the truck when one of the police officers hovering at the back of his car gestured at them. Hen joined them a moment later with a medical kit slung over her shoulder.

"Deep breath," Eddie whispered to him and Buck tried to force several breaths deeper into his lungs. It didn't help calm his nerves when he saw Eddie's cheeks were pale, his eyes wide and sweeping across the house that all the assembled police were watching from defensive positions behind their vehicles, guns drawn and trained on the house.

"Sir, I'd really like it if you would leave the house with your hands up so we can resolve this."

Buck could feel the way they all froze, heads swivelling to see Bobby's head inch past the front of the truck to peer around the corner.

"Did you know?" he heard Hen mutter to Chim, who shrugged.

"We just get dispatched wherever we're called. The fact Athena's here? Coincidence or maybe a deliberate request."

Buck felt like his stomach was twisting in on itself.

"I'm not leaving!" a male voice shouted from the house, perhaps near the door or a window. "Not when all of you want to shoot me before I've even placed a foot on the front step!"

"Sir, we don't want to shoot-"

"You cops are all the same! Shooting anyone and everyone! I'm not stupid! You think I'm stupid?"

There was a sharp, too-loud bang and several high-pitched screams from inside the house. Buck flinched and covered his head. The police at their vehicles barely moved but he saw the way the one closest to them adjusted the grip on his gun, the way his jaw clencheda little more. There was a crackle over the radios to convey that this now included a person with a gun who was firing shots.

"I never said you were stupid but that was not-"

"I'm not coming out!" There were two more bangs, another set of screams, and increasingly restless shuffles from each of the police around them. "I'll kill them before I let you anywhere near me!"

"Sir-"

"I said no!"

Eddie shifted out of position beside him, keeping his body low to the ground and creeping towards Bobby. Buck watched in bewilderment and fear because it was these sorts of situations, the ones where he'd had to turn off his emotions, that had made it clear he didn't belong in the SEALs. Their desire for a robot meant he froze in situations where someone desperately needed help and even with all the training he'd endured, even now, he still couldn't shut off how he felt. But the way Eddie moved, carefully controlled with his jaw fixed and eyes blank, made it clear he'd been on the battlefield and knew what he was doing, that he was controlled and utterly aware of his surroundings. Watching Eddie talk to Bobby, the way Bobby shook his head but Eddie was clearly insistent on not taking no for an answer amid furious mutters and rapid hand gestures, meant it was clear to Buck's eyes when Bobby's refusals began to wilt, his shoulders slumping.

He made a small gesture and then Eddie was gone, diving around the front of the truck and out of sight.

Buck felt like his heart just about slid out of his chest and cracked on the asphalt beneath his feat.

"Cap!" Hen exclaimed, perhaps on behalf of Buck or Chim or all three of them, but Bobby looked at her in a way that betrayed he was just as concerned but trusting he'd made the right call.

"He knows what he's doing, Hen, in ways that we can't pretend to know."

There was a tinny whistle in Buck's ears which was intermittently drowned out by the loud whoosh of his heart in his ears. He supposed that sound, at least, should have been comforting because it meant his chest hadn't turned itself inside out to sit on the side of the road.

But he felt as though the whole street had inhaled and now was collectively holding its breath to stop, and wait, and listen.

"Sir, how about this? A show of faith. Send out one of your hostages and-"

"Send out my leverage?"

There was a laugh that was so broken it made Buck's blood run cold and he knew. He knew. This situation wasn't on the precipice of turning bad – it already was bad and it had spiralled out of control before they'd arrived. Maybe that's what Bobby hadn't wanted to say in the truck on the way over. But if Buck could tell from his aborted SEAL training that this was about to become a nightmare from the way the guy laughed, then every officer on the street who had experienced these calls before, and Athena, and perhaps even Eddie, knew that this situation was dire.

"I thought you said I wasn't stupid, lady?"

"If you don't give me something, I'm going to be forced to call S.W.A.T. Do you want that, Sir?"

There was a long silence, the street still holding its breath, still stopped and waiting and listening. In the distance, he could hear a rumbling sound which reminded him of thunder except the sky was a clear blue without the faintest wisp of a cloud.

His eyes widened when he saw a dark, hunched figure dart towards the house, dressed in a vest and a helmet. Even though it was impossible to tell under the tactical gear, Buck could see the navy sleeves of his LAFD shirt and he knew it was Eddie. He could tell when Chim and Hen saw him too from the way Hen reached out to grab at Buck's arm, perhaps sensing that he wanted to run after his best friend and partner and the absolute idiot that he was to drag him out of a dangerous zone that not even the police were daring to approach. Buck would probably shake him within an inch of his life later.

"Sir? I need something from you."

"You're not getting anything!" Another shot, another scream, another recoil from Buck as Hen's grip tightened. "You're not getting me and you're not getting them."

Buck caught a glimpse of a hand from the side of the house and something he couldn't see changed in the blink of an eye.

"Go, go, go," an officer shouted at the same time as a rapid series of shots, screams that were aborted, and Buck closed his eyes and lowered his head because he knew what had just happened without anyone needing to say a thing. It was the sort of conversations they'd had in training, how to tell when situations were going to turn against you and how to cope when they did, and it was those sorts of conversations he hadn't been able to handle with any degree of dignity over his emotions. The loss of victims wasn't something he could accept. So he'd quit.

There were heavy footsteps on the stairs to the porch, the thud of a door being thrown open, yells from officers to see hands, but there weren't shots. There didn't need to be. As loud as everything was, as chaotic as all the shouting, it was also eerily quiet.

Bobby's radio crackled at his shoulder, drawing Buck's attention off the ground beneath his feet. "Suspect down. We need medics!"

Bobby let them go and Buck saw Eddie almost fly around the side of the house and up the steps. Buck lagged behind Hen and Chim, knowing deep in his gut there wasn't any urgency to the call. It wasn't the first time he'd seen gunshot victims, and he knew it wouldn't be the last. Even so, stepping over the man in the foyer who clearly couldn't be saved made his stomach lurch.

Hen and Chim diverted to the left, dropping to the sides of two kids in the family room. Buck caught a glimpse of their faces and guessed they were barely teenagers. Two officers were doing CPR on the chests of the kids while Hen and Chim pressed fingers to pale, blood-spattered necks. Buck's attention drifted, casting his eyes around for Eddie. He saw feet from a room further down the corridor, one foot missing a pink slipper, and he headed in that direction because maybe no one had seen it yet and-

A police officer was leaning against the kitchen benchtop, gun already holstered on his hip. Eddie was sitting on the floor beside the officer, back against the wall, knees half-coiled to his chest, as he stared at the woman. She had brunette hair and a yellow shirt on, but her vacant eyes were on the ceiling, the bloom of congealed blood on her still chest conveying nothing could be done.

Buck hesitated, almost feeling like he should do something for the woman anyway, before his eyes met the police officer's. The guy shook his head and gestured towards Eddie.

"He already declared it," he said and Buck nodded, biting his lip as he moved around the woman and crouched in front of Eddie, deliberately blocking the sight.

"Eddie?" He tried to meet Eddie's gaze but they were unfocused and, when Buck really paused long enough to pay attention, he wasn't blinking. His heart skipped a whole lot of beats because he'd seen Eddie shaken and rattled but he didn't think he'd ever seen Eddie like this. "Hey."

Brown eyes looked at him but there was no recognition. Buck raised his hand, somewhat concerned that he'd make contact with Eddie and then end up pinned to the floor in some sort of choke-hold. It was clear that Eddie was somewhere else. Buck wasn't sure if it was because there was a chilling resemblance between the woman's appearance and the final outfit Shannon wore, or if Eddie had been transported even further back into something that happened in Afghanistan that he'd never talked about.

"Eddie? C'mon. Take my hand. It's Buck, yeah? You're in LA."

A shuddering breath escaped Eddie's lungs, like he hadn't exhaled in several minutes. He blinked, finally, but he still looked completely unaware of where he was. "I- I don't-"

"It's okay," he murmured, grazing Eddie's knee with his fingertips and watching the flickering within the depths of the hazel that had obviously seen too much, that had seen worlds of pain and couldn't process the latest infliction of agony without remembering something else entirely. "It's okay, Eddie. Just breathe for me."

He placed slightly more weight behind his hand on Eddie's knee and Eddie choked on a breath, a tear spilling down his cheeks.

"I've got you," Buck whispered, carefully securing his other hand behind Eddie's neck and scooting closer so he could rub circles around the knob of his spine. "C'mon, man. I've got you. I'm here."

Eddie reached out to him and gripped at his jacket, folding into Buck's chest. With a bit of assistance from the officer, Buck got them standing and then guided Eddie past the woman, and the man in the foyer, and out the front door, and down the steps to the street. He held Eddie against him while steering past anyone and everyone who got in his way. His eyes searched the crowd of officers for any potential danger because long-ago training had kicked in and his instincts and nerves were running high.

Bobby was standing with Athena near the truck, their heads bowed in conversation. As soon as Bobby saw them, he broke away with a question already forming on his lips. Buck shook his head, leading Eddie along the street until they were past the blockade of police cars and the truck and the ambulance. He noticed the S.W.A.T. truck, the guys milling around it with heavy guns strapped to their chest, and kept going until they were multiple houses down the street where a small crowd of people milled around curiously at a timber road block that had been set up to stop them. Perhaps they were trying to determine what had happened to their neighbours. Perhaps they shouldn't learn the awful details.

"Here," he said, ignoring the eyes on them as he positioned himself between the house and Eddie. "Sit here, alright?"

Eddie gave a jerky nod and Buck lowered them to the ground, keeping his arm around Eddie's shoulders and forcing his breathing to stay regular because if he went to pieces out of fear for Eddie's safety and wellbeing, then he stood no chance to bring Eddie out of this. Eddie continued to cling to his jacket, breath shaky and slightly misty between them in the cold January air, and Buck lowered his cheek to rest on top of the brunette hair, his gloved hand cradling Eddie's cheek.

From time to time, he peeked up at the house, watching as unmarked cars arrived and officers in plain clothes arrived. He watched as they drifted around, interviewing some of the officers on site and chatting with Athena before entering the house with notebooks and pens in hand. It was clear they were detectives and he could only imagine the investigation that was going to be launched now to determine what had happened, and what had gone wrong, and what could be done differently next time. He could only imagine how guilty Athena would have to feel that she hadn't been successful in negotiating the guy down.

He watched as Chim and Hen descended the stairs, blue gloves covered in blood, expressionless looks on both their faces as they shook their heads at Bobby. Bobby, who grasped both their shoulders and said something Buck couldn't hear, pointed them towards the truck.

He saw Hen's eyes drift past the truck and catch on them a moment before Chim's did, the small parting of her mouth as she made an inaudible exclamation, and then Buck turned his attention back to Eddie under his arm

"How are you doing?" he said, tracing his hand down Eddie's back and nudging at the top of his head with his nose.

"Don't worry about me," Eddie mumbled and though it was a relief to hear him construct a coherent sentence in response to Buck's question, Buck still could have hit him for the dismissive attitude Eddie held towards his emotions. "I'm fine."

"What do you mean you're 'fine'? You are not 'fine' and it's okay to not be 'fine'." Buck tapped his index finger under Eddie's chin to lift his head and meet his eyes. "And I will absolutely worry about you, Eddie Diaz, so don't even try to stop me from doing that."

A tired smile pulled at half of Eddie's lips, the distance in his hazel eyes gone as he looked at Buck with something sad, something a little broken, that made Buck want to wrap him in the tightest possible blanket and ensure he had a constant supply of hot chocolate available. "Come home with me tonight? I- I don't think-"

Buck's finger shifted from beneath his chin to press lightly against his lips. "You don't have to say anything more, okay? Of course I'd do that."

Eddie blinked at him, something slow and sluggish that still stirred a deep pit of worry in Buck's stomach because Eddie's insistence that he was fine and not to worry was so far from the truth. There was still something haunted in his facial expression, some lack of comprehension that chilled Buck far more than the temperature on the street.

"Thank you," Eddie said eventually and Buck squeezed him, just a little.

"You think you can get back to the truck so we can return to the station? Might be more comfortable to sit on the couch or have a rest in the bunkroom," he suggested, but Eddie shook his head.

"Not sleeping," he said, a slightly childish pout creeping onto his lips. "Just… Yes, station would be more comfortable but I'm not going to sleep."

"Okay." Buck ran a quick hand over Eddie's hair to fix where it had been mussed and fiddled with the edge of his collar. "We'll get you out of this vest and then back to the station."

Eddie seemed surprised when he looked down and saw that he was still in the vest and Buck decided it was better not to ask too many questions or press too hard, too quickly. Instead, he helped Eddie to his feet – pursing his lips to avoid commenting on the way Eddie still sagged into him – and together they returned to the truck. Buck helped with the Velcro straps of the vest and handed it off to one of the police officers chatting with Chim and Bobby.

"How's he doing?" Bobby said, gaze flicking over Buck's shoulder to where he'd left Eddie leaning against the truck, eyes closed and head tilted back as puffs of white breath swirled around his face.

"I think he needs to be wrapped in a blanket and given some hot chocolate back at the station," he replied with a shrug. "I don't think he should be on any other calls today."

"Noted." Bobby shook the officer's hand and then motioned to Chimney. "We good to go?"

"Ready when you are, Cap," Chim said with a vague attempt at a salute. "And you two?"

Buck looked at the house, at where swarms of officers seemed to be going in and out wearing blue slippers over their shoes. There were so many questions about this scene but he would be content never knowing the answers. "Definitely."

No one missed how quiet Eddie was during the return to the station, how stiffly he sat on the couch with a blank stare on the television. He drank the hot chocolate that Buck pressed into his hands and he seemed appreciative of the blanket draped around his shoulders because he kept tightening it across his shoulder, but mostly he just seemed empty.

"Are you sure he's going to be okay?" Chim said as they observed Eddie from the kitchen island while Bobby stirred the vegetables they'd chopped into a pan.

"No," Buck said honestly, leaning into Hen's arms that she'd wrapped around his shoulders after he'd sat on one of the stools, "but he knows I'm there for him. I'll keep an eye on him."

"You're a good egg, Buckaroo." She ruffled a hand through his hair and he smiled faintly. "Just don't ignore what you need."

"I won't." He would, though. He'd do anything for Eddie, at whatever cost to himself, to undo the damage of the call.

"Has Athena given you any update on what happened?" Chim said, switching the topic to something Buck didn't really care about. It didn't change what had happened.

"A robbery gone bad." Bobby cast a look over his shoulder at them, and then Eddie's huddled form on the couch. The truck has been deployed on two calls since the shooting. Both times, they'd left Eddie on the couch. Both times, Eddie's muscles seemed to be in the same locked position when they returned. "She's sorry she called for medical backup and got us."

"Why? She wishes someone else had to clean up that mess?" Hen sniped, the disbelief in her voice clear as she rested her chin atop Buck's head.

"No, but…" Bobby jabbed his wooden spoon towards Eddie, a fleck of oil flying off the end. "We all know some calls are harder than others. Getting called to that wouldn't be easy on anyone."

"Damn straight, but we know we have each other. Not many other houses are like ours, Bobby. You know that," Hen said and Bobby conceded a nod.

Buck untangled himself from Hen's arms draped around him to return to Eddie's side. He brushed their shoulders together, drawing Eddie's distant eyes towards him.

"Hey." He between the TV and Eddie's face, trying to determine if Eddie had any idea that he was watching a gardening show. "When was the last time you ate? Bobby's making dinner."

"I-" Eddie frowned, swallowed, gave a small shake of his head. "I'm not hungry."

"Okay." He settled his hand on Eddie's thigh, palm up, and waited patiently until Eddie's shoulders sagged a little and his fingers slipped between the gaps in Buck's. He couldn't tell if his heart was beating faster at the gesture or was calmed to something slower. His need to provide comfort, his ability to reach out and touch, his capacity to drag Eddie back from the brink… He was grateful for it and terrified by it. "Is Chris going to be at your place when we get there?"

Eddie shook his head. "I called Pepa when you guys were out and asked her to keep him tonight. I- I really want to see him and hold him until I can't breathe but I- I need to put myself together better first. I don't want to scare him."

Buck squeezed Eddie's hand, thumb tracing over his knuckles. "I'll drive us, okay? We can come back for my car in the morning or something."

"Okay," Eddie said, his voice barely a breath as he held onto Buck's hand like it was the only thing keeping him in the present. Maybe it was. Buck could still see the unfocused edge in Eddie's eyes and the way he couldn't seem to fix his attention on anything around him, like he was still lost in the memories of other times and other places.

When Bobby called them to dinner, he gave Eddie's hand another squeeze - and was only vaguely relieved when Eddie squeezed back - before he moved to the table alone.

"He's not joining us?" Bobby said, his concerned Dad Frown firmly in place above his eyes.

Buck pulled out his seat to sit opposite Hen, a disappointed and anxious tilt to his lips he knew he couldn't conceal. "I'll make sure he eats later." Buck wasn't sure exactly what he could convince Eddie to eat later when he sensed the other man wouldn't eat unless it was forced upon him but for the sake of ensuring he remained healthy and able to look after Christopher, Buck would do his best.

It was clear when they got inside Eddie's house that he really wasn't any more alert than he had been at the station. Eddie had gazed at him while Buck had peeled Eddie's jacket from his shoulders, crouched to untie his shoelaces and then guided his feet from them. Eddie's movements hadn't been exactly robotic getting through the front door but they were clumsy, lacking the precision he usually had. Helping him out of non-essential clothes had seemed...necessary.

"Do you want to sit on the couch? Or- Or if you'd rather go to your bed? There's enough room for both of us there." Buck wasn't unsurprised when Eddie gave a shrug to his suggestions. He hadn't been very decisive since the call either. "Alright. The bed, then. It's more comfy."

He grabbed at Eddie's hand, leading him through the silent hallway and darkened house until they reached Eddie's room. It was as tidy as ever when he flicked on the light and, for a brief moment, he realised he didn't have the usual nerves that filled him when they were in Eddie's room. Maybe it was because everything about Eddie was screaming that he wasn't okay. Maybe it was because this was something they'd done before. Maybe it was because he knew he could keep his feelings contained because Eddie was obviously a mess.

He crawled onto the side of the bed that he always seemed to end up on, extending his arms to Eddie. "Come here," he encouraged and Eddie slipped in beside him like a ghost, curling into Buck's arms to be the little spoon. The small trembles were back. "I'm here, alright? And nothing you could ever say would make me move."

Eddie's hands wound around his forearms, his grip loose. "Appreciate it," Eddie whispered and Buck nuzzled in against the back of his neck, lips brushing the back of his shoulder.

He wasn't sure how long the silence lasted, only that he was glad Eddie wasn't crying. The vacancy in his expression was painful and scary but listening to his sobs? It hurt Buck in an entirely different way to hear the last vestiges of Eddie's control unravel. It felt like he hadn't done enough to provide comfort and care to prevent Eddie disintegrating in front of him.

"Do you… D'you ever think we should just stop this?" Eddie mumbled out of nowhere and Buck frowned, tilting his head.

"Stop what?"

"This. It's… It's nice but… You'll meet someone else and then it'll be…weird. Right?"

There was a beat or ten of silence in which Buck could've said a whole lot of things. It was an opening to admit how he felt, or an opportunity to admit he'd already met someone, or a chance to say he didn't want to meet someone else. He could've even said that there wasn't anywhere else he'd rather be. But all of that freaked him out because it all meant so much, and he didn't think Eddie was in the frame of mind to hear something that heavy. He didn't want to admit his feelings on a day when Eddie was already overwhelmed. If Eddie freaked out and made him leave, he was afraid of what Eddie might do when he was left alone.

So he went for the safer option, the less terrifying one. Not because he was a coward, but because Eddie just couldn't find out like this.

"You met someone. You could be with her tonight." He hoped he didn't sound bitter or jealous to Eddie as he recalled the woman that had visited with the school group.

"Who? Oh. Tessa? No." Eddie shook his head, fingers squeezing against Buck's arms like he needed to remind himself they were still there. "We only went on the one date."

Buck's eyebrows almost disappeared into his hair. He'd assumed they'd gone out with all the phone checking but... "What? I thought-"

"Yeah, she was nice enough but…" Eddie raised one shoulder in a shrug, a soft chuckle falling past his lips. "She was clearly only attracted to the uniform. I want someone that sees me for me, you know?"

And Buck definitely did know the difference. Buck 1.0 knew all about how girls loved the uniform and the truck and Buck 2.0 spent a lot of time resisting it because he was being better to himself and to the people he allowed himself to develop an interest in. Still, he'd thought Eddie and Tessa had been more of a thing after all the phone checking and the smiling. But after Eddie had admitted to wanting to attend the fight, and after Michael's words at Christopher's party, Buck had been paying attention to different things which had obviously distracted him from knowing how Eddie and Tessa's fledgling relationship was developing. He was a terrible best friend.

"You'll find someone," he said eventually, ignoring the wrench of pain in his chest at the words.

"Yeah, I hope so," Eddie mumbled, thumb rubbing against Buck's arm. "What about you? It's been a while since Ali. Have you got anything going on that you've been really good at hiding from us?"

Buck felt like there was a lump in his throat that he couldn't dislodge. He wished he could just say-

"No," he said, wondering if his voice sounded hoarse to Eddie's ears too. He swallowed again. "No, nothing like that. I wouldn't be here if I did."

"Oh? So you'd just drop me because of some girl?"

He snorted at Eddie's indignant tone, nosing at the back of his neck and making Eddie squirm and complain about it tickling. "I wouldn't drop you. I'd just be more…circumspect about my priorities. You really think if I had someone, they wouldn't want to check I was okay after the shift we had?"

"Mmm… Point taken." Eddie tilted his head, ear brushing against Buck's forehead and the tiniest of smiles on his lips. "m'glad you're here though. It…helps."

Eddie really needed to stop saying things like that. It filled Buck with hope, like a balloon that wanted to soar through the clouds. At some point, Eddie would have to hear the impact it had on the rhythm of his heart.

"Yeah?"

"I…" Eddie paused, hands unfurling and circling Buck's to hold them against his chest. If the way Eddie's shoulders lowered was anything to go by, it helped. "I wouldn't want to be alone tonight. Not… Not after…that."

Buck scooted as close as he could, increasing the pressure of his arms. "Lucky for you, I'm not going anywhere."

Eddie hummed, relaxing a little more of his tension into Buck's hold. "Like I said, I appreciate it."

Chris unquestionably picked up on Eddie's subdued mood the following morning. Even as they ate breakfast together around the table and Chris told Buck about what had happened at school during the week, Eddie's eyes were dark and his smile was drawn and his cheeks were pale. When they were finished eating – or in Eddie's case, attempting to eat – Chris tangled his fingers into Eddie's and tugged him towards the couch.

Buck trailed a little distance behind after he'd cleaned away the dishes, watching as Christopher's smile dimmed a fraction when Eddie took a minute too long to arrange Chris in his lap before switching on morning cartoons. It was adorable, and sweet, and yet tinged with the despair that still sat heavily on Eddie's shoulders. Buck hadn't been able to completely erase it overnight. He had a feeling it might take a while.

"Hey Dad?" Chris mumbled, tapping his hand against Eddie's to draw shadowed hazel eyes towards him.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Buck could see the way Eddie's eyes reddened, the way his lips pressed together around the rush of tears, and tried to pretend he didn't notice how Eddie hid his face in Christopher's shoulder. He used the opportunity to sit in the armchair, folding his good leg towards him and fiddling with the fabric of his jeans.

"I love you too, mijo," Eddie's croaky voice said after some time, and Chris hummed with a satisfied smile on his face. His smaller hand folded itself inside Eddie's larger one.

There had been many times that Buck knew he loved Christopher and he would kill anyone who laid a wayward finger on him, but it was seeing the way Eddie reacted to Christopher's love, warmth and optimism - the same traits that had helped scab some of the scars in his heart and soul - that made him thank whatever deities existed that Chris had survived the tsunami. If anything could help Eddie heal, Buck knew it would be the shining light of his son.

~TBC~