Word Count: 3,868
Warnings/Spoilers: There is a follow-up discussion about Buck and his therapist in Season 1.

Buck tried not to be too obvious that he wanted Maddie to leave the next morning but he'd had to turn his phone off once he got home because he wouldn't put it past Maddie to try to look at his screen and see who might message him, and if someone messaged him a lot then they knew about what had happened at the house and she'd probably realise he was involved with someone in a very small network of people, and that would make her even more suspicious. He itched to check for texts from Eddie or for her to leave so he could text Eddie and the man could come over, because as much as he loved his sister, he couldn't shake his fear that maybe Eddie was 100% straight and would end up breaking his heart.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" she asked for the millionth time while hovering in the doorway of his apartment, so close to leaving and yet still there.

"Maddie. I'm a grown man."

"You're still my baby bro," she said, touching his cheek and staring into his eyes. "And I love you."

She played a card meant to make him fold and plead with her to stay, but not this time. Not when there was someone else he wanted to be with him. He caught her hand and kissed her knuckles and her palm. "I love you too, but please go have brunch with Chimney before I cop it for slouching on the job and stealing his girlfriend overnight."

She laughed, tapping him on the nose with her index finger. "He would never."

"He actually would. Now go," he insisted, giving her a gentle push out the door as she rolled her eyes and shot him a knowing smirk.

"You just want to call lover boy."

She wasn't wrong and it was either something in his face or his silence which confirmed it. Her laughter drifted along the corridor as she began the walk to the elevators.

And Buck wasn't…paranoid about Maddie but he did wait nearly fifteen minutes before he turned his phone on, because that should've been long enough for her to get in her car and leave. It took a frustratingly long time for the phone to initiate so he could text Eddie to say she'd left and he fought a smile when Eddie's response was almost instant, like he'd not been separated from his phone since Buck had left the station yesterday.

Eddie: do u want me to come over?

The determination Eddie had shown yesterday that he would come over now made Buck hesitate, wondering if Maddie was right and this thing with Eddie was a disaster waiting to happen. His phone vibrated again and when he read the message, he fought the shy smile that would have given away there was something special about his messages if Hen had seen him again.

Eddie: i want to see u but i understand if u'd rather hv some space. i thought i should check before imposing

Buck: u r never an imposition

Eddie: b there in 20

It gave him enough time to have a quick shower and collect some of the discarded containers and bottles from last night into his trash and rinse some of the dishes to make it look like he cared a bit more about his place. He'd just finished organising his abandoned shoes onto the rack when there was a knock at the door and he wasted no time in opening it, almost launching into Eddie's arms and holding on like his life depended on it.

"Hi," Eddie said, rubbing a hand against his back and nosing at his hair. "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you have a sister who cares so much, but I wish I'd been here last night."

And it was…almost exactly what he'd needed to hear after Maddie's concerns that he was getting involved with someone who didn't feel the same way because it was terrifying to think that he'd already fallen head over heels for Eddie. "Yeah?"

Eddie kissed the shell of his ear, the hinge of his jaw, anywhere he could reach until Buck tilted his head to press their lips together properly. Eddie stepped them into Buck's apartment, the door shutting behind him a little loudly but not enough to distract Buck from the feeling of calloused fingers cradling his cheek, a tongue sliding over Buck's lips in ways that made Buck's breath hitch and his hands curl against Eddie's back. He felt dazed when Eddie ended the kiss with lighter, chaste touches of their lips, taking a long moment to reopen his eyes and gaze at the man in front of him.

"Absolutely yeah," Eddie confirmed, his eyes warm and crinkled at the edges with his smile, and it took Buck a moment to remember what he'd been seeking clarification about. After a fuzzy few seconds, he did and returned the smile. "You may have ended up at my place because I don't think I could've found someone to take care of Christopher at such short notice, but I would have held you all night and kissed you until the sun rose. No question about it, cariño."

Buck didn't know a lot of Spanish after growing up in Pennsylvania but he did know a little from his travels and bartending in South America, so the affectionate little nicknames made him revel in the heat that filled his belly. He leaned in for another kiss, savouring having Eddie close enough to hold onto as well as for this new and exciting and completely terrifying development in their interactions.

"How are you feeling after yesterday? Did Maddie look after you?" Eddie asked, skimming fingers over Buck's face and examining his expression.

Buck laced his fingers through Eddie's to peel them away from standing by his front door, leading him towards the couch so he could curl into Eddie's lap. He had some serious hugging time to make up for because of Maddie last night.

"Yeah, we talked," he said as he snuggled into Eddie's chest, fingers toying with the fabric of his Henley. Eddie draped an arm around him and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "She…um… She told me I should see a therapist."

"She's not wrong."

"I know but-" Buck sighed, tilting his head so he could see Eddie's face. "She didn't know I'd slept with my therapist a couple of years ago so that turned into a whole thing."

Eddie's eyebrows twitched, his index finger settling under Buck's jaw to keep his head upright. "You slept with your therapist?"

"It was a…phase," he said, wrinkling his nose. "It's not like it's something I'm proud of."

Eddie's eyes scanned his, lips pursed together.

"What?"

"Maddie did tell you that shouldn't have happened, right?"

Buck rolled his eyes and shook Eddie's finger off his skin, returning the press of his cheek and temple to Eddie's collarbone. "Yeah. Basically making out like I was taken advantage of or something even though it wasn't like I was against it."

"Buck," Eddie sighed in obvious frustration but Buck shook his head, prodding at the planes of muscle that he could feel beneath Eddie's shirt.

"It's not important. Not right now. I, uh… She wanted to know about what Hen had said."

"The girlfriend thing?"

"Yeah." He bit his lip, knowing he couldn't keep information to Eddie when it affected him the most. "Mads guessed I was seeing someone but that it wasn't a girl. I- I didn't tell her anything about who it was or how we met. She's too smart for that. She'd figure something out."

Eddie was silent as he processed the information and Buck peered up at him, noting the discomfort and uncertainty flickering through his eyes. There was a pinched look to his cheeks and Buck wondered how long they were going to be sneaking around trying to hide something from people they worked with and saw all the time. Or maybe Eddie really was confident he really was straight and so everything was going to go to hell because Buck was- "What if she says something to Chimney?"

"She won't," Buck said, because he knew his sister and he knew she could keep his secrets. He hadn't exactly sworn her to secrecy but she'd never spilled anything to anyone about him before so he felt like he could give her the benefit of the doubt in this situation too. "I told her I'm not out at the firehouse so she knows that saying anything would out me to Chim, and Chim would then start asking in front of everyone which would then put me in a position where I really wasn't comfortable. She'd be able to see that too and so she wouldn't say anything to him. It'll be okay."

Eddie still looked unconvinced and Buck felt like his heart was starting to break, the anxious nausea building in his gut because maybe he'd made a terrible mistake and-

"I- I'm sorry. I just- I couldn't lie to her."

"No, I know. I understand what having a sister is like, Buck. It's…" Eddie rubbed a hand over his face and hair, mussing the placement of some of the strands and appearing not to care about it. "I'm not mad at you and I'm not afraid of them finding out about us. You know that, right?"

Buck didn't know that, but it was nice to hear it. At least maybe he'd feel a little less like he was walking on eggshells through a minefield criss-crossed with laser beams and pressure sensors that could explode underfoot during any shift or event they had to attend.

"Evan." Eddie frowned, cupping his cheek to ensure Buck met his eyes. "If I was afraid of them finding out, I wouldn't have kissed you at the station yesterday."

"And here I thought it was just that you couldn't resist me."

"Well, there's that too," Eddie agreed with a wry grin, covering his lips in a tender kiss that made Buck chase after him when it ended. "You are pretty irresistible."

Buck winked. "It's part of my charm, really."

Eddie's huffed laugh scattered over Buck's face. "The modesty is a nice touch too."

Buck raised his arm and flexed some of the muscles with an arched eyebrow. Eddie shook his head, hiding his grin by pressing a kiss to Buck's hair again.

"Seriously, though, I'm not ashamed about you, or…us," Eddie said with clear deliberation after the joking had subsided. Buck was almost certain his heart fluttered at the idea of an 'us' but that was mostly because he hadn't been sure how to label any of what…this…was. More than a friendship, less than a relationship? He didn't know where the boundaries were anymore. "I'm… I guess I'm more afraid about Christopher. He's only ever known me with Shannon, and I know he adores you, but will he accept you in the new way I see you? It's… He makes it more complicated."

It was a dimension that Buck had thought about, and fretted about, for months but hearing Eddie say it – hearing Eddie talk about the issue of being a single father or married or in a relationship with a woman – made it hit home that they were on similar pages with feeling the stress about embarking on this journey. He adored Chris, and he thought Chris adored him, but Eddie was right: a new relationship, especially with a man that Chris already knew in a particular way? It did make it more complicated.

"Has Chris ever said anything?" he said, adjusting his weight in Eddie's lap slightly.

"No, but to be fair, I've never asked." Eddie kissed his hairline, absently tracing a finger over Buck's torso through his t-shirt. "He's a great kid. I don't think he'd have a problem with it, but I'm the only parent he has left so if there was a problem, then-"

"Chris comes first, I know," Buck agreed, comfortable in Eddie's embrace even though they were talking about distinctly uncomfortable aspects of their relationship. Would Chris have a problem with this? Nothing seemed to faze the kid but maybe he was being naïve. Maybe this would be too much. "That's the way it should be. I'd never ask you to disregard how he feels."

Eddie hummed, the sound vibrating through his chest and against Buck's back. "Thank you for understanding."

"I love Christopher," Buck said with a shrug, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "His happiness comes first to me too."

"Oh?" Eddie said, surprise filtering into his tone and drawing Buck's eyes up to his face. "Not my happiness?"

"Well…" Buck sing-songed, chuckling at the accusatory look on Eddie's face. "You're important too, I suppose."

Eddie snorted, fingers rippling across Buck's stomach and though he wasn't ticklish, he still squirmed.

"Is this your jealousy thing on display again? I can't love Christopher too?"

"No, it's true," Eddie acknowledged, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "I can't be jealous of you when it's your care for my son." Eddie kissed the tip of his nose, brushing a few strands of hair back into place. "I'm glad you seem to be feeling better today. I was worried about you."

Buck ducked his head. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, I'm not asking you to apologise." Eddie lifted his head, thumb smoothing along his cheek. "It's because I missed you. I knew you weren't okay and I thought texting was probably a bad idea with Maddie here, and it sucked."

Buck puckered his lips with a hopeful widening of his eyes and Eddie rolled his eyes and kissed him. It was so easy and simple, the two of them wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and comfort like they had been so many times after difficult calls. Except there was still that anxiety deep in Buck's mind that wondered when the other shoe would drop and there'd be some sort of chaotic argument between them that turned ugly and hate-filled.

"I missed you too," he whispered between kisses, shifting in Eddie's embrace to kiss him longer and deeper, heat dripping down his spine and pooling in his belly when he felt one of Eddie's hands settle against his back and the other against his chest. Eddie could almost certainly feel the racing tremor of Buck's heart.

"How… I know you said you were okay with taking this slow but…how slow is that, exactly?" Eddie asked, and Buck's eyes flashed open to see the caution in Eddie's expression.

He licked his lower lip, drawing it between his teeth as he assessed Eddie. "I…was leaving that to you to decide."

Eddie gazed at him, the hesitation clear in the way his throat bobbed and his lips moved around the words he wanted to say. "Have you ever had sex with a guy?"

Buck opened his mouth as he inhaled, then closed his mouth with a slow exhale. He knew this sort of thing was important to discuss but after his conversation with Maddie about the therapist, he'd lost some of his confidence in approaching sex. Even so, concealing anything from Eddie was out of the question. He might feel guilty or ashamed of who he used to be but he wasn't going to lie about his past.

"I…fooled around with a lot of guys in high school," he admitted, eyes skipping away from directly Eddie's. "There were a lot of girls too. I think having an older sister who moved away meant I was… I'd grown up faster in some ways because I'd seen her, you know? My, uh… My dad was less than thrilled at catching me making out with a guy one time." There had been a lot of shouting. Something was thrown against a wall with a shattering sound but he couldn't remember now if it was a glass, bottle or plate. He'd avoided being home much for the fortnight after that particular blow-up, too afraid of another explosion and too embarrassed to hold a conversation. "After I left home, I… There were a few guys but picking up girls was just…easier."

"So…?" Eddie prompted and Buck sighed, biting the inside of his cheek.

"I was a kid. We were kids. Even the few after I left home were barely older than me." He tugged lightly at one of the buttons on Eddie's Henley as a distraction. "We'd touch and…explore, stuff like that, but it was…pretty tame. I think we were all kind of figuring ourselves out so it never really went that far."

"Did you want it to?" Eddie said, fingers trailing patterns against Buck's back, and Buck wondered how red his face was with all these questions because these were areas of his life he wasn't sure he'd discussed with…anyone, really. No one had ever cared enough to ask. And he doubted Maddie knew. She'd already left home by then, and was married, and had moved away. She hadn't been able to protect him from his recklessness and impulsiveness and especially their father's ire when he got caught.

"Not really?" He wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "With girls, it seemed to be okay somehow. It was normal to fool around. With the guys, it felt shameful and awkward somehow. I don't know if that was how I viewed it or if it was them." He knew he'd found it difficult for almost a year to look at another guy after the way his father had reacted, though.

"And now?"

"Are we talking generally or with you?" Buck's gaze flicked back to Eddie to gauge what he'd meant.

Eddie's eyes almost certainly darkened at the question. At the very least, his brows drew together and his eyes narrowed. "With me. I don't want to think of you 'generally' with any other guy when you're in my arms right now."

"Careful, Diaz, your little green guy is showing," Buck teased, trying not to smile too wide when Eddie huffed and prodded him with deliberate fingers. "Look, it's whatever you're comfortable with. I've made peace with my feelings for guys and what I'm okay with a long time ago."

"But what about what you're comfortable with?" Eddie pressed and Buck just kind of…shrugged. Eddie's aimless touches slowed, his gaze shifting towards something calculating. "Evan, what is it you want?"

"I don't really care?"

"That's not… Dios, Evan." Eddie cradled his cheek, fixing him with a determined stare. "I need you to care about what you want so I don't end up hurting you or scaring you because I don't know what I'm doing and don't have the…the experiences that you do."

"But…" Buck frowned, biting the corner of his lip as he stared back. "I don't get scared? Not about sex. It's- It's never been something that…scared me."

"No?"

"No." Buck paused, swallowed around some of the nerves. The conversation with Maddie about the therapist circled his mind again, like water circling a drainpipe that wouldn't just leave, but even then, they'd both been adults. They'd both been willing. It wasn't as though she'd hurt him, although he could see Maddie's point that it shouldn't have happened. "I suggested taking it slow because you're still figuring everything out and it's been a while since I was with a guy," he said, tilting into Eddie's palm and kissing the flesh. "But you don't scare me, Eddie. Not when it comes to this."

Eddie hummed quietly in consideration, gaze still flickering as he examined Buck like he was searching for any trace of doubt or unease. "So if I kissed you here," Eddie said, brushing lips against Buck's temple and making his eyes half-close at the affection, "and here," with a kiss to his jaw that made him tilt his head and open up his neck to Eddie's roving mouth, "and asked you if you'd take your shirt off so I could look at you?"

Buck wasted little time in sitting up to peel his t-shirt over his head because that? That he could do. That he was more than happy to do. That was simple and uncomplicated and wasn't scary. Eddie's eyes tracked down his torso, stirring heat in Buck's belly as he watched the hazel turn into a liquid chocolate, and then Eddie's hands grasped at his waist to pull him closer and Buck's fingers closed around Eddie's shoulders as the kisses turned from something sweet and languid into something feverish. It may or may not have had something to do with the way Eddie's fingers were skimming down the bare skin of his back, making him shiver and his muscles tense. It may or may not have had something to do with the way Eddie's palms were rough against the muscles of his sides and abdomen. It almost certainly had something to do with the way his thumbs scraped at Buck's hipbones beneath the hem of his jeans though, making his shoulders shudder and some of the rhythm behind his kisses falter.

"I want you beneath me," Eddie breathed between kisses, nails scratching along Buck's spine that made Buck jerk closer even though the couch was becoming increasingly too small. "Also, there are too many clothes."

"My bed is upstairs," he offered, bumping his nose against Eddie's when he shifted to kiss the edge of Eddie's mouth.

"Is there a reason we aren't in it?"

Buck pressed his lips to Eddie's almost too harshly, shaking with the effort to keep himself controlled. He pulled away, surveying Eddie's flushed face and swollen lips and sparkling eyes and he knew his attempt at control was going to be sorely tested by this man. Eddie didn't always say much, preferring to hide his feelings and his needs, but when he felt comfortable enough Buck thought it might just make him lose his mind.

"You want to?"

"Not…everything, not now. Not yet," Eddie said thoughtfully, his thumb tracing the tattoo on the inside of Buck's left shoulder. "But… I'd like to do more than this, at least. I'm not some innocent virgin who isn't aware of what he's suggesting, Evan. Do you want to?"

Buck tumbled off his couch rather unceremoniously, tugging Eddie to his feet and grasping at Eddie's Henley to get it over his head. Brown hair spiked in all directions, an amused grin pulling at Eddie's red lips as Buck unashamedly surveyed the dips of Eddie's muscles with his eyes. Spending all the time in the gym was a good move. "That's one less bit of clothing that you were complaining about."

Eddie rolled his eyes, shoving Buck in the direction of the stairs with a laugh. "You're killing me, Buckley."

Buck fit their hands together as they stumbled a little up the stairs, interrupted by kisses and touches and fingers loosening Eddie's belt. "Killing you with how good this could be can be arranged," he whispered as Eddie's lips grazed the side of his neck. He didn't think it was his imagination that Eddie released a small breath, though whether it was surprise or desire Buck wasn't sure.

~TBC~