Word Count: 3,693
Warnings/Spoilers: None in particular for this chapter.

It was…really, really weird arriving at the house with Chimney a couple of days later. Chimney had been disturbingly quiet the entire drive and Buck had almost, almost, asked if Maddie had said something but he didn't want to tip Chimney off that there was anything for Maddie to have said which then led to more questions he wasn't willing to answer and more observations around the house than he was comfortable with. So he'd stayed quiet himself, looking out the window and wriggling his toes inside his shoes because fidgeting with his hands or bouncing his knee would have been too obvious.

His poor truck was still parked in the lot and next to it was Eddie's truck, its rather delightful owner leaning against the hood and looking at something on his phone. Buck swallowed the emotions he felt brim to the surface at the sight of Eddie, at the stretch of his shirt across his shoulders and the casual lean against his truck, as best as he could by thanking Chimney as they climbed out of his car.

"Hey, hey, there he is," Eddie said with a smile, holding out an arm to pull him into a hug and clapping a hand to his back. And Buck really needed to work out what was 'normal' when Eddie wasn't ashamed of people at the house knowing about them and yet Eddie was still acting like they were friends, because friends didn't spend more than an hour tracing fingers over muscles and tattoos the way Eddie had only two days ago. It was difficult to play everything as cool and normal as Eddie did when the hand against his back seemed to be a glowing beacon of heat that flushed his whole body with the desire to tilt his head and nuzzle into Eddie's neck. At the very least, he wanted to just kiss him then and there. "How are you feeling?"

"Same as always," he said, flashing a smile and shrugging Eddie's hand off so he could hoist his bag onto his shoulder. Eddie didn't seem bothered if the warmth in his eyes was anything to go by, and he quickly fell into step with Chimney to ask about assignments and chore rotations for the next few shifts. Buck entered the locker room first and avoided looking at the patch of floor at the end of the row of metal where he'd had his breakdown. He shucked his sweater and pulled the LAFD navy shirt over his white tank-top, then peeled away his jeans and tugged on his navy pants. It was amazing the sense of purpose the uniform gave him, the way he started to feel like a firefighter when he wore it compared to his civilian clothes.

Tucking in his shirt and adjusting his belt, he moved to tying his shoes.

"Seriously though?" Eddie said quietly, sauntering into view and placing his shoes beside Buck's to re-tie the shoelaces under the guise of being absolutely casual even though Buck really wanted to reach out and grab him and pin him against a locker and kiss him within an inch of his life. Buck really needed to get control over his feelings.

"I'm okay," he assured, like he hadn't texted that to Eddie last night, and this morning. And several times yesterday.

"Would you tell me if you weren't?" Eddie said, catching his eyes while Buck fiddled with the fold of his collar.

"Would you tell me if you weren't?" he retorted and Eddie gave him a look that confirmed no, he probably wouldn't. It probably wasn't fair considering Eddie had shown up at his apartment, rattled, more times than Buck had ever shown up at Eddie's house and certainly more times than he'd ever picked up the phone to call Eddie when he wasn't okay but…Eddie was still better at hiding his feelings than Buck ever would or could be. "I'm okay, Eddie. Seriously. Please leave it?"

"Okay, okay, fine. Stop fussing like a parent. I get it," Eddie teased, bumping his shoulder on their walk out of the locker room and tugging at a crease in Buck's sleeve. "Coffee?"

"Unquestionably," he agreed, and they climbed the stairs to the kitchen where Bobby was finishing with a large pan of scrambled eggs and bacon, and Hen was making tea, and Chimney was spreading an assortment of juices on the table.

"Morning," Bobby said, nodding at them and waving a spatula towards the coffee pot. "It should be fresh. I put it on before I started cooking."

"Wonderful," Buck breathed, sweeping a mug from beside Hen and grabbing at the pot. Breakfast – or second breakfast, because you never knew how quickly you'd get called out after arriving – with the team was as much a routine as getting dressed in the morning. It felt like a home, it felt like a family, and it was something Buck hadn't realised he'd lacked while growing up until he'd arrived at the 118 and Bobby had insisted on it. It wasn't even something he'd completely realised he'd isolated himself from until Eddie had started pointing out how he'd lost weight and the station all knew he was struggling. After that, he'd started making more of an effort.

Hen squeezed his arm and he lightly bumped his hip into hers, offering her a smile and a wink, as they moved around each other to set the table. Behind them was the sound of Bobby scraping the eggs onto a serving platter while Chimney loaded another pair of sliced bread into the toaster and brought his already piled plate to the table.

Eddie swooped in to sit next to him and Hen sat opposite him and Bobby sat at the head of the table and the conversation swirled around him as jokes were traded and comments were made and plans for the weekend were discussed. From time to time, Buck felt Eddie's knee bump into his beneath the table and it was so hard not to say anything, or to lean over and steal some bacon off Eddie's plate with a cheeky grin, or to curl his fingers around Eddie's wrist and stare at him. He just wanted to reach out and touch, stopping the entire charade that he was somehow straight and just be out to his friends, and open and happy with Eddie.

Except it wasn't that easy because they'd agreed Christopher needed to be told first and then they needed to gauge how Chris truly felt first, because if Chris felt threatened or uncomfortable or unhappy about it, then it would make life even more complicated. Eddie had also admitted while they were lying in bed that he still needed to work out how to label himself because he knew his family would want those sort of details and answers. It gave Buck a small amount of hope that maybe Eddie wasn't completely straight and it would be fine and he was truly okay with what they were building if he was willing to discuss telling his family, but his doubts and recollections of Maddie's concerns still lingered. He knew he'd been hurt before by people he thought were committed to him and he knew he needed to stop being so stupid in getting ahead of himself with naïve optimism.

"So I figure it's time we address the elephant in the room," Bobby said, his voice cutting through the predictions Chimney, Hen and Eddie were making about the calls for the day. Buck stared at a speck of leftover egg on his plate like it had personally betrayed him because at least it meant he didn't have to meet the eyes of the rest of the team. "What happened last shift was…unfortunate. Unless Buck feels like talking about it, we aren't going to bring it up and we aren't going to ask why or what happened. Are we clear?"

Buck caught Chimney, Hen and Eddie nodding around the table from the corner of his eye.

"Buck?"

"Don't wanna talk about it," he mumbled, focusing on the heat emanating from Eddie's leg pressing against his. It was comforting but it was also about the only thing stopping him from bolting from everyone and spending the rest of the shift trying to avoid them.

"Then it's settled. We move on and we focus on today's calls," Bobby said with his best and firmest Captain's voice. "We're a family and we support each other today. Agreed?"

Various versions of "Yes, Cap" filtered around the table. "Eddie, Chim, you're on food clean up. Hen, drinks. Buck? Can I have a word in my office, please?"

Buck's heart-rate almost certainly tripled but he nodded, missing the pressure of Eddie's leg against him as soon as he stood to follow Bobby into his office. There was muted chatter behind him as the other three began clearing dishes and Buck felt like he should've been there too, pitching in after falling apart last shift in an attempt to make up for it. The door to Bobby's office clicked shut as Buck sat on one of the chairs and Bobby's hand brushed against his shoulder as he moved around the desk to sat opposite.

"Evan, you aren't in trouble," Bobby began, and his words, the tone, his body language, reminded Buck of many conversations starting like this when he was growing up. There were teachers, and there were principals, and there was his father. They were all the same, right down to the use of his first name. Although at least with his father, he learned pretty quickly that he most definitely was in trouble and his father just wanted to make him feel comforted and safe for a moment before tearing him apart for some transgression. "I just wanted to check in with you."

"I'm okay," he said automatically, like every other conversation he'd had that began and ended like this. He'd parroted those words so often during his life that it was easy to believe and easy to hear, even though he still felt like his feelings were on a spin-cycle in the washer.

"Buck." Bobby fixed him with a look across the table that Buck struggled to maintain because it was too much, too much, like his father because there was disappointment and doubt and disbelief. He could almost feel himself shrinking away from it. He mentally started chanting 'It's Bobby' like that was somehow meant to make it easier. "Listen, I'm not going to get mad at you. The safety of everyone on this team depends on every member of the team being okay. The safety of you depends on the others in the team too. You remember the time you spoke to me at Christopher's party about Eddie?"

Buck's eyes rose to meet Bobby's and he managed a small nod. He could hardly forget.

"I was really grateful you told me that he might be having a rough patch because I'm sure we both know Eddie doesn't give much away when he's here, does he?" Bobby said, a faint smile on his face like he knew all about their secret relationship. Or maybe he just knew that Eddie was a closed book when he was on shift, and that was bad enough to Buck. "I'd also like to acknowledge how I didn't listen to you well enough because I let him charge off at that shooting call and I know it rattled him, and I know you took it upon yourself to help him. If I'd listened better, maybe I would have refused to let him speak to Athena."

Buck stared at Bobby as he processed the information because he'd gotten so lost in that call, so worried about Eddie's safety and then his subsequent distress, that he hadn't really thought about how he'd warned Bobby that Eddie was fragile.

"I'll also admit there are times I haven't been okay but I've come to work anyway. You know as well as I do that some shifts are fine and some are absolute hair-raisers and it's okay to say you're not okay." Bobby's eyes softened even as the smile grew. "I knew this kid. He said I should ask for help once in a while."

It took a moment to place what Bobby was referring to and then he inhaled a little too sharply because he also remembered how Bobby had reacted to his suggestion and that…that wasn't something Buck wanted to do. He didn't want to break down. Not for a second shift. Besides, the last time Buck could remember anyone truly calling him out on his attempts to say he was okay was when he was fifteen with a bruised chin and a black eye. But he still didn't admit to anything, despite how much the guidance counsellor had asked. It had been difficult enough making up a story that his father would believe about getting jumped on his walk home.

"I can do my job, Cap," he said, keeping his voice and his gaze as steady as he could manage. "My personal issues were left at the door to my apartment this morning. I'm okay."

Bobby's eyebrows rose, just slightly. "Do you even understand how or why you had that panic attack last shift?"

"I thought we weren't talking about it?"

It was clear Bobby didn't appreciate the petulance that crept into his tone because his gaze narrowed and Buck was back to being reminded of the lectures his father used to dish out. "I'm your Captain, Evan. Talking about it in here is wildly different to them pressing you for details because they're curious mother hens."

Buck's eyes fell to his lap, noting the way his hands were twisted together and his knee was bouncing just slightly. He hesitated – inhaled, exhaled, inhaled, exhaled – and tried to force some of the tension from his body. He tried to imagine folding into Eddie's arms until the anxiety faded. He tried to remember this was his Captain and his friend, not someone who was going to yell at him for letting his feelings get overwhelming.

"All of us always have something going on, Cap," he said slowly, carefully, weighing each word to choose the right one. "I'm sorry for what happened even though I know that the anxiety is- It's something I can usually control and losing it like that is- It's not something that happens very often but I can assure you, I've rested and I'm here and I can do my job today. Isn't that what matters?"

As apologetic as he was, he sensed he was pushing Bobby's patience. Deep down, he knew it was because Bobby cared but this wasn't a conversation he wanted to have. Not here, not like this, not when he felt like he was a moment away from being scolded and sent to bed without dinner.

"Just remember my door is always open, okay?" Bobby said, lips pursing together as he gazed at Buck. "I mean it, Buck. You won't get judged here if you ask for help."

Buck nodded, doing his best to smile. He could hear the underlying capitulation that Buck wasn't going to break and start talking. "Thanks, Cap. I've got it."

He could feel Bobby's gaze on him as he fled the room, saved from having to say anything to the others by the alarms ringing at last. Bobby exited his office, calling them to the truck. Eddie caught his eye as they climbed into the truck, eyebrows raised in a silent question. Buck should his head, trying to communicate he was okay even as he made sure their knees would brush together during the ride to the call. They had a job to do. That was where he needed to direct his focus.

Two calls later, after they'd extricated four bodies from a three car pile-up and helped a woman get off her roof after she'd climbed out a window to fetch her cat, Buck finally got to sit on the couch and pick up a magazine. It wasn't long before Hen sat beside him, holding out a water bottle that he accepted with a quiet, "Thank you." It had already been a long shift and it was far from over.

"I know Cap said not to bring it up," she said, wringing her hands. "I- But I needed to apologise for what I said the other day. I never would have-"

"Hen, I know," he interrupted, closing the magazine and laying a gentle hand over hers. "I'm not mad at you, okay? I don't even know what it was that really set me off. I'll accept your apology if it'll make you feel better but I promise you, it's okay. I'm okay."

A little voice muttered that he really needed to stop saying that.

She looped her arm through his and rubbed the back of where his hand had slipped to cover hers. Feeling comfortable with her, because Hen had always been someone who supported everyone in the house, he lowered his head to her shoulder and smiled slightly when he felt her kiss his head.

"I also wanted to remind you that I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to and you don't want to keep holding the weight of the world on your shoulders. I'm not as much of a gossip as Chim and I won't run off to Bobby. I promise you, I can keep it to myself."

He snorted, lightly squeezing her hand. "Thanks, Hen." He felt like she was very much in Mom Mode the way that Bobby or Eddie sometimes went all Dad Mode to ensure he was eating enough, or drinking enough water. In Eddie's case, he frequently checked if Buck was sleeping enough as well as the quality of his sleeping.

They lapsed into silence for a while but it wasn't uncomfortable. Buck could hear Chimney talking to someone downstairs. He thought Bobby was in his office or maybe he was downstairs too. He guessed Eddie was in the gym, because that was where Eddie seemed to spend most of his downtime when they were on shift. Not that Buck minded now that he could run his fingers over the taut lines of muscle beneath his skin and feel the way Eddie shuddered against him. It was thinking about Eddie, and how little they'd actually done and yet how frustrated Buck was that everyone in the station assumed he was straight, that made him want to talk. Hen was…different to the others when it came to him. She always had been.

"What would you say if I- I said it wasn't a mysterious lady friend?" he asked tentatively, stirring her attention towards him even as he kept his gaze trained on the blank television opposite them.

Her breathing didn't change but she did rub her thumb against the back of his hand. "Based on the look on your face the other day, I'd still think there was someone absorbing your interest so…maybe I'd guess at a mysterious male friend?" she said, utterly calm and quiet. He bit his lip, not quite able to say the words out loud, but he did shrug one shoulder in acknowledgement which made her hum thoughtfully. Her hand traced a pattern over the back of his as she pressed another kiss to the top of his head. "I clearly need to get my gaydar recalibrated. Although- Maybe not? You've always seemed very open. I probably just wasn't looking at the right clues."

He nodded, just a little, and she leaned her head against the top of his.

"Is this something that's only just occurred to you? Is that what it was about the other day?"

He shook his head, a wry smile tugging at his lips as he squeezed her hand. "Nah, I've known since before I was a teenager. Maddie's known for years."

Her shoulders shook with some quiet chuckles. "Well, Buckaroo, consider me surprised that you've been a card-carrying member of our club and I didn't recognise all the neon signs."

He could feel himself relaxing until it occurred to him that Eddie had worried about Maddie, and he didn't know Hen's ability to keep secrets nearly as well as his sister. "You won't…tell anyone, right?" he said, anxious that she'd say something to someone – anyone – else at the station and it would get back to Eddie and give the whole thing away, or that Christopher would hear about it before Eddie had a chance to tell his son, or that he might ruin the very best thing that had happened to him in a long time because he was desperate to be truer to who he'd known himself to be since he was a kid.

She squeezed his hand, drawing him away from the panicked thoughts that stampeded through his head. "It's not my place to out anyone until they're ready to share it, Buck. I know that better than anyone. I told you I won't tell anyone and I won't, alright?" she promised and Buck could feel some of his defences relaxing. Maybe people at the house really would accept him, and Eddie, and him and Eddie.

If only Eddie could work himself out. As long as Eddie did actually want something real and wasn't just…rebounding from the loss of Shannon and latching onto someone he cared about but couldn't actually…love. There were times Buck thought they spent so much time together that it seemed like a logical progression in their friendship, but that was only true in his mind if Eddie had the capacity to actually like men.

Though, to be fair, Buck had had many friends – male and female – that he'd never kissed. He'd certainly never pulled off his shirt and let them touch him like Eddie had. So that…had to count for something, right?

The alarms went off again and they both sighed, Hen squeezing his hand again before they rose from the couch and descended the stairs.

Apparently it was one of those shifts of being run ragged, but at least the calls were a great distraction from his thoughts.

~TBC~