Word Count: 3,221
Warnings/Spoilers: None in particular for this chapter.

If Buck had thought he'd had enough of feeling his heart tear itself into shreds in his chest that morning, he was wrong. "He- What?"

"If you'd answered your phone-" Bobby muttered as Buck stumbled to his coffee table, finding a missed call from Maddie and another from Bobby. They hadn't left him any messages though. He had no texts from Eddie. He had no information telling him what had happened.

"I- I don't-"

"Let's go. Come on."

He was still gaping as Bobby pressed a hand to his back and led him from the apartment, barely giving him the time to grab a pair of shoes from beside his door and hustling him to the elevator. Buck spent the ride to the ground floor putting his shoes on.

"I know you're going to have a lot of questions," Bobby said as they shut the doors to his car. He paused before shoving his key in the ignition, fingers tapping against the wheel as the engine turned over. "And to be honest, I don't have any answers. I had the call from Athena and then Maddie said she couldn't get hold of you."

The crumbling world Buck had been immersed in for the past hour or so seemed to be collapsing anew as Bobby started driving. Bobby was remarkably calm and composed, completely in first responder mode, but Buck often wondered whether Bobby held it together on the outside while falling to pieces on the inside. Maybe he was a lot like Eddie in that way.

Buck, meanwhile, didn't even try to hide the way his hands were shaking in his lap or the way his knee bounced or the way fresh tears spilled down his cheeks as he stared out the window.

"Hey. He'll be okay, Buck," Bobby said, a hand brushing over Buck's arm for a moment at a red light. "We've had so many close calls with you that I know Eddie will get through this just fine."

But Bobby didn't even know how badly Eddie was injured. Maybe Eddie was at the hospital, dying. Maybe Eddie was already dead. And Buck's last words- Their last conversation-

"O-Oh God," he whimpered, covering his face with his hands and breaking into fresh sobs.

Bobby's hand squeezed against his shoulder as the car started moving again and Buck couldn't decide if it needed to go faster or slower because he wasn't sure what they were walking into, and he wasn't sure what he'd do if his last conversation with Eddie had been an argument, and even if they got to the hospital faster, it wasn't as though Buck could go running in to save him in whatever surgery he'd have to be in.

"It'll be okay, Buck. Just breathe," Bobby murmured, but Buck couldn't stop the feeble sobs even if he'd wanted to, even if he thought he couldn't possibly have any liquid left in his body to expel after the tears and panic attack of earlier.

He felt the car shift into park and turn off more than he heard it, felt Bobby's arms circle his trembling chest and hold him tightly.

"C'mon, Buck. I know I'm not as good at this as Eddie, the last time you fell apart on me proved that, but I need you to breathe. You're okay, I promise, but I need you to hold it together so we can go inside and see how our boy's doing."

Buck's eyes flicked past Bobby's arm to catch a glimpse of the ER entrance and it was almost enough to make him cover his face again, but Bobby was faster, curling firm hands around his trembling wrists.

"Buck?"

"W-We had a f-fight," he hiccupped, the anguish of reality starting to hit home as Bobby's thumb made circles against the inside of his wrist the same way that Eddie did sometimes. "H-He came over this m-morning and I s-said s-such awful things and I-"

"You can't think about that now," Bobby said, gazing at him in undisguised concern. "You can't, okay? You'll get a chance to sort out your friendship."

Buck's breathing hitched but if Bobby wondered why, he didn't say anything. Instead, Buck awkwardly leaned across the console for a hug, clinging to Bobby until some of the shaking and unsteady breathing started to settle. He felt drained, like a wrung-out towel that needed to be hung up and left alone for a while.

"Okay?" Bobby asked, tilting his chin and meeting his eyes. He didn't say anything about Buck's tears, or his hysteria, or his need to be held. He didn't belittle him for having emotions, and not being able to contain them. He hated that he'd ever thought to compare Bobby and his father.

Buck felt like he'd never be okay again, like every limb was injected with lead, but he nodded anyway and Bobby let him go so they could climb out of the car.

It was maybe only Bobby's hand on his lower back that kept him moving forward, small steps as they approached the ER and then the doors whooshing open as Bobby led them to the main desk.

"Hi, I'm Captain Nash. One of my firefighters was brought in? Eddie Diaz?" Bobby was full of authority as he addressed the nurse, his back straight and his voice calm. In contrast, Buck felt like he was hastily stitched together with rapidly fraying thread and held up by tattered strings.

"Diaz… Diaz…" The nurse's fingers moved across the keyboard, her eyes scanning the screen. "Here. Edmundo Diaz?"

Bobby nodded.

"Okay. Captain Nash, you're listed as one of his emergency contacts. I can talk to you without-"

"I'm Evan Buckley," Buck said, his voice raspy as he stared at her and tried to maintain what little composure he had left. "I'll be one of his emergency contacts too."

"Oh." The nurse's eyes glanced between Bobby and Buck and the screen a few times, and Buck felt Bobby's surprise in the way his hand shifted. "Yes. Uh. I can see you listed here. Okay. Well. Unfortunately, I don't have much information listed. He was brought in an hour ago with two GSWs and taken straight to surgery. I might be able to find a doctor who assessed him before sending him upstairs-"

"That won't be necessary. We'll take a seat and await an update on the surgery, if that's alright?" Bobby said, and though his words were steady, Buck hadn't missed the tremble in Bobby's fingers when the nurse said two gunshot wounds.

"Absolutely. Wherever you feel most comfortable. We've already called next of kin but I'll make a note that you're here too," she said with a smile that Buck didn't bother trying to return.

Bobby steered him towards some seats in the corner of the waiting area but Buck hardly felt like sitting. He wanted to pace a hole in the floor, or pummel his fists into the wall, or thump his head repeatedly with a brick.

"The others should be here soon," Bobby said as he sat, leaving Buck to walk four steps, turn, walk four steps, turn. "Do you know where Christopher was?"

The question nearly made Buck trip over his own feet because it felt like a bucket of ice water had just been tipped over his head. He was stuck to the floor, meeting Bobby's eyes as a fresh wave of panic and uncertainty swept through him. It hadn't occurred to him that it was the weekend and Chris wasn't at school. "I- I don't know? I thought- I- He might have been with Carla? Or Eddie's Abuela?"

Bobby nodded, folding his hands together in his lap. "If they've called Eddie's next of kin, they'll locate Christopher."

And Buck…hadn't really picked up on that part of the exchange with the nurse but it did make him wonder: who was Eddie's next of kin? He knew Eddie had his grandmother and his aunt, and he knew of at least two sisters, and his parents, but suddenly so much of what he thought he knew about Eddie felt sketchy around the edges, like he'd been sharing a friendship - because clearly it wasn't a relationship - with someone he barely knew.

He resumed pacing.

"Do you want to talk about the fight?" Bobby asked and even without looking, Buck knew his Captain was watching him walk the four steps back, pivot, and the four steps back.

"No," he said, heart skipping a beat even just thinking about it. He'd still transfer stations, he'd still make sure Eddie had his family at the 118 – he'd need it after this more than ever – but Buck couldn't deny he was absolutely terrified. Christopher only had Eddie. It was what he'd feared when Eddie had confessed to the fighting ring. If something happened to Eddie, what happened to Christopher?

"Okay." Bobby didn't push and for that, at least, Buck was grateful.

He kept pacing because it gave him something to do but he was soon interrupted by Hen calling his name, and Chim was there and folding into Bobby's arm for a hug, and Buck was blinking at Hen's firm hand on his shoulder that forced his restless feet into standing still.

"You're as pale as a ghost, Buckaroo," she murmured and Buck felt his lower lip tremble as she stared at him, the sclera of her eyes faintly red behind her glasses.

"I can't lose him, Hen," he whispered, an unchecked tear streaking down his cheek, and something in her face shifted, a small moment of realisation as her lips parted and her eyes widened. She realised the deeper meaning of what he couldn't say in front of everyone else.

She wrapped her arms around him and he slumped into her, tucking his face into her shoulder even though she was quite a few inches shorter. She enveloped him in her motherly warmth and love, as well as the friendship and support she'd been offering him for months that he'd kept rebuffing out of a sense of hopelessness.

"He'll be okay, Buck," she murmured against his ear, squeezing him when she heard his sniffle.

"We f-fought, Hen. I can't- What if that's the last thing-"

"It won't be," she said, drawing away so she could cradle his cheek and stare into his eyes. He could only imagine what a wreck he looked like. "He's got a lot to live for, remember? Christopher and you are his whole world. He'll pull through for you."

She'd no sooner said Chris' name and Buck felt small, trembly arms wrap around his waist. He knew who it was without looking but he still gazed upon the curly mop of blond hair he knew almost as well as his own.

"Chris…" He let go of Hen to sink to his knees, and Chris fell into his arms as the little boy's fingers fisted into the fabric at his shoulders. "H-Hey, buddy."

"I-I'm scared, Bucky," Chris whispered against his neck as Buck lifted the kid into his arms and returned to his feet. He clung to Chris as he looked around, catching Isabel moving slowly towards them with her walking stick. He managed a weak smile that she barely returned, her eyes slightly puffy.

"I've got you, Christopher, okay? I won't let you go."

"Just like last year?"

He sniffled around some sort of choked laugh because he never forgot letting go of the kid and Chris never forgot Buck holding on. He adjusted Chris so he had a grip that no one would ever break, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "Just like last year, kiddo."

And he'd never let Chris go. Not when he hadn't seen Chris in weeks and his distance had undoubtedly hurt the boy. Not unless Chris asked to be let go.

Isabel shook hands with each member of the gathered crew, her lips pursed and her face grave as she sat next to Bobby. When Chim and Hen also sat, Buck felt awkward still standing and holding Chris against his chest. He met Isabel's eyes and she inclined her head towards the empty chair on the other side that Buck suspected the others had deliberately kept free.

He sat and adjusted Christopher in his lap, running a hand up and down his back just so he had something to do with his hands. It was as much to comfort Chris as it was to keep himself calm and Chris was quiet, quieter than Buck had ever seen him, quieter than he'd even been in the middle of a tsunami. It just about broke his heart worse than anything he'd endured today that maybe Chris' optimism had reached its peak.

"Daddy's been really sad lately," Christopher said suddenly, his fingers fidgeting with Buck's buttons. "D'you know why, Buck?"

Buck opened his mouth to make up some sort of reason that was filtered and kid-friendly but then Chris looked up at him with those big eyes that had pleaded for sugary treats on Valentine's Day and Buck remembered that he could never lie to this kid. They'd been through too much.

"I- He and I haven't been, um…talking so well lately."

"Oh." Chris stared at him, eyebrows dipping together as his lower lip jutted out. "D'you not like him anymore?"

And if Buck didn't feel like he had the scrutinising eyes of Bobby, Chim and Isabel on him before, he damn well did now.

"Drinks! Who wants drinks?!" Hen announced, a little too loud and far too cheerful. Chim made a flustered sort of stammering that he was fine but Buck caught the way her nails dug sharply into his shoulder and how she fixed Bobby with her most patented parental look that would wither any of Denny's protests – and Buck was honestly surprised it worked on a fellow parent and LAFD Captain – and then he reluctantly followed after her.

"Was it something I said?" Christopher said, peering past Buck's chest in obvious confusion at the retreating backs of the three members of the 118. Buck couldn't help the small puff of laughter that escaped his lips, pressing a kiss to Christopher's hair and squeezing him gently.

A hand settled against his quivering knee and he met the brown eyes of Isabel, eyes that reminded him so much of Eddie's when the man's defences were down and he let Buck see how he felt.

"They do not know," she said, tilting her head towards where Hen was forcing Chim and Bobby to pay attention to a vending machine in the opposite corner of the waiting room.

"Know? Know what?"

"That you love my Edmundo."

It was Buck's turn to feel like he was spluttering but she shot him a knowing smile and Chris giggled, touching his fingertips to Buck's jaw and drawing Buck's eyes towards him like he had that fateful day on the pier.

"You love my Daddy?"

And Buck… He knew he was that invested in the relationship. There was no point denying that either. He'd long suspected that was why Eddie's distance at the station felt like a stab through the guts and being referred to as his 'best friend' had felt like a stab through the heart. He'd suspected it since Maddie had pointed out that he needed to be concerned. He'd suspected it before he'd even kissed Eddie the first time. But like everything, always – he'd been too anxious and afraid.

"That's our little secret, okay buddy?" he said, darting a look at Isabel who didn't look like she disapproved. Instead, she patted his knee and smiled at him.

"It is not a secret to your friends," she said and his eyebrows rose, looking towards them squabbling over drinks choices. "You all work with him, you are all trained for a crisis, and yet you, Evan, are the only one who looks like you cannot sit still because you are so worried."

"Is… Is it that obvious?"

She chuckled,, grasping at one of the hands cradling Chris against him and kissing his knuckles lightly. "Hijito, I have seen Edmundo in love before. I can see it in you too."

"And you're not… I mean… He had a wife…"

Isabel shrugged, rubbing her thumb against his knuckles before setting his hand down so he could curl it around Chris and keep the boy anchored against him. "The heart loves what the heart wants. He loved, and lost, Shannon. I have heard him speak so fondly of you these past months. Do not let him love and lose you too."

It was…better than he deserved, honestly. Perhaps if she knew about the fight earlier, the awful things he'd said that had almost certainly shattered Eddie's heart, she wouldn't be so gentle and forgiving and accepting of him. Buck could believe that Eddie being shot was all his fault.

But Christopher distracted him from that dark tunnel, tapping at Buck's arm and staring at him expectantly. "So you do love my Dad?"

He gazed at Chris' open and wondering face, like he was seeing Santa and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny all at the same time. "Yeah, little angel, I do," he confirmed, kissing Christopher's curls and rocking the boy in his arms. As much as he wanted to shield Chris from every part of this, as much as he feared and fretted for Eddie's wellbeing – wherever the hell he was in this maze of a hospital – he was thankful Chris was here to look after because Chris gave him something to hold onto. Physical and emotional parts. The parts of Eddie that he loved and adored and could keep even the fiercest monsters at bay.

Apparently done with offering them some space, Hen returned with Chim and Bobby carrying an assortment of drinks.

"Juice?" Bobby suggested as he held out a bottle to Chris. The kid nodded, grabbing at the bottle and the straw. Buck helped him open the lid and then Chris was slurping at it in a way that made Isabel remind him of his manners in a hushed voice.

"Here." Hen passed him a bottle of water and he mumbled his thanks, unsure if she knew he was thanking her for more than just the bottle of water. He felt so empty and dry that he could probably swallow all the tsunami water and still feel dehydrated. And wouldn't that be ironic.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, each lost in thought or staring at the ground or, in Christopher's case, sipping at his bottle of apple juice in Buck's arms.

"Okay, I'm just going to come out and say it," Chim said with an exasperated sigh. "How long have you and Eddie been together?"

Buck hid his rapidly flushing face in Christopher's shoulder and was glad Hen was within reaching distance to swat Chimney over the back of his head. The dull thwack and irritated grunt were almost worth it.

Buck zoned out and lost track of time after that, so when someone finally called for the family of Eddie Diaz, it was Christopher wriggling in his arms that drew his attention towards the man in mint green scrubs and cap and billowing white coat moving towards them.

He stood, clutching Christopher against him, and felt his heart lodge in his throat.

~TBC~